Okay, so, here's the deal:
A few years ago I've written my first Broadchurch story 'Salvation' and I've since added to it to form what I call my 'Jennaverse'. Then I rewatched 'Takin' Over The Asylum' (which you should watch, too, it's great! And not just because of 20-something David Tennant, haha) and I loved how they addressed and handled the topic of mental illness. Keeping in mind this show came out in the 90s! I especially loved the scene between Eddie McKenna and mental hospital resident Francine when she finally tells him what happened to her.
Quickly, this plot bunny developed that this would be a great idea for a Broachchurch/Jennaverse story! So I've taken my OC Jenna's hints of abuse from 'Salvation' and I made it... worse. I feel really bad about it but this idea wouldn't leave me alone until it was fully explored.
You don't necessarily have to read 'Salvation' to follow this. This first chapter is practically a recap of the first four 'Salvation' chapters (where Alec and Jenna get to know each other) before I veer away from it and turn everything darker.
Important! Here come the Trigger Warnings: Descriptions of severe physical abuse, stalking, panic attacks, self-harm, depressive thoughts, attempted suicide and, later on, a graphic description of sexual abuse (but I break it of before it goes into detail). Essentially, this is a story about healing, so everyone will be alright in the end!
I'm really proud to have written this story despite its heavy themes. I'm also not a psychologist, so things may be not medically accurate, but I hope to have been respectful. If you're reading, please make sure to leave a review to tell me what you think; I was super nervous about posting this! Be safe and happy reading, my angst-friends! :)
Chapter 1:
Recap:
Alec had met Jenna Davison by chance. Since Daisy was unrelentingly but obviously attempting to fix him up with someone, she had somehow managed to get him to help Jenna with a plumbing problem at her home. Jenna had been wary but amused by this intrusion since Alec seemed so horribly uncomfortable with the whole situation himself. In the end, he fled without even so much as a goodbye.
But they met again at the police station and this time Alec was brave enough to ask for her name. Jenna needed help with a group of teenage vandals and Alec promised to deal with it personally. She liked his blatantly obvious social awkwardness, because for once she felt like she had the upper hand in a conversation. She also really liked Alec.
So when he finally came by to ask her out on a date, she said yes. Alec's nervousness caused him to act a little capricious, which alarmed Jenna, but he noticed in time and apologized. She could tell that he was sincere so she didn't end the date. To Alec's own surprise, he actually told her much about himself and the reason why he hated Broadchurch as much as she seemed to hate it.
He wondered why she came here anyway, but whenever her past was the topic Jenna clammed up and responded only vaguely. Alec didn't push. They had fun on this first date and decided to see each other again.
For weeks they continued to meet occasionally. Just to talk to each other. Daisy was positively giddy about it, asking way too many personal questions. Miller was curious, too, but Alec refused to tell her anything. It was still too new, too fragile and embarrassing. He didn't want to break it already.
However, Miller did poke fun at him whenever his mobile buzzed with a new message from her. Which did happen quite a lot. Since Alec wasn't comfortable with small-talk and Jenna didn't seem to be keen on physical contact, she came up with the idea to text more instead of calling or actually seeing each other.
They both were very happy with that arrangement. No matter how odd Daisy and Miller thought this was.
Because of the practically non-existent physical contact and the barely-even face-to-face contact, it was obvious that they were certainly not at a stage of phoning each other in the middle of the night. So Alec was rather surprised when exactly that happened…
Alec startled awake, his heart protesting weakly, when his phone rang. A call at the dead of night was rarely something good. Grumbling, he reached over, sure that it was Miller or the police station and answered with a gruff, "What?"
"Alec?" The question came with a tremor of panic and a little high-pitched.
He furrowed his brows. "Jenna?"
"He found me. He's gonna hurt me, Alec. He's gonna hurt me!" She immediately rattled down.
Alarmed, he sat up straighter. "Wait, slow down. Who is gonna hurt you, Jenna?"
"It's him. It's Jack. He's gonna hurt me."
"Who's Jack? Where-"
"He's at the door! I can hear him!" Her voice got even higher and she was speaking so fast that Alec could hardly follow.
"Are you at home?" No answer, but Alec could hear her breathing rapidly. "Jenna? Jenna, can you hear me?"
"No-no-no." she cried. "He's gonna hurt me!"
He couldn't hear anything or anyone but her through the phone, but still, Alec had already grabbed his clothes. "Jenna, I'm coming over as fast as I can, okay? Hello?" Nothing again but heavy breathing. "Jenna, stay where you are! Hide somewhere. I'm coming, you hear me?"
There was no response. It didn't feel right to Alec to just hang up when she was clearly this upset, so he left the call open, calling Jenna's name from time to time to see if she was still there. He quickly pondered if he should wake Daisy to let her know what was going on, but in the end he decided to just write her a quick note.
Just then, Jenna's breathing picked up again and she choked out a panicked "No!" before something clattered loudly and the connection was lost.
Alec pressed the phone to his ear. "Jenna? Can you hear me? Jenna!" He cursed when the line stayed dead, grabbed his note and stuck it to the dining table before he hurried out:
"Daisy, something's wrong at Jenna's. Back soon. -Dad."
Alec's car came to a screeching stop in front of Jenna's house. He didn't even take five minutes to get there. At first glance everything seemed to be fine. He didn't spot anyone loitering around the house. He got out, hurrying towards the door. There was something that caught his attention.
The little window in the door was cracked, but to his surprise it seemed to be smashed from the inside not from the outside. "Jenna!" he called, hammering against the door. It was still locked. "Jenna, it's me, Alec. Can you let me in?"
He waited, tried to peak into the house through the broken window. But he couldn't see her. Couldn't hear her, either. Alec quickly took a look around, checking if he was being watched, but the night seemed to be still. He knocked again, urgently. "Jenna? Can you hear me? Are you hurt? Jenna?" He waited again, but not for long. "I'm coming in now, okay? Stand clear of the door."
Alec proceeded to charge against the solid door with his shoulder. It hurt terribly and his heart was wildly pumping in his chest. But the worry about Jenna was stronger; he didn't give up.
Finally, the door gave way and he pushed it open. In the hallway to his feet glittered a few sharp shards of glass and there was Jenna's phone, also cracked and dead on the ground. Alec looked around wildly. "Jenna!" he called out.
He wanted to run into the living room, but paused as he heard her whimpering quietly from upstairs. Alec took two, three steps at once as he charged up the staircase and pushed her bedroom door open with force.
He saw something flinch in the corner next to her bed. Only on second glance he realized that it was Jenna. She had rolled herself into a ball, rocking herself, whimpering and crying.
Alec came closer with fast steps. "Jenna!"
But something happened with her when he moved towards her. She pressed herself even further into the corner, arms around her legs and her head pulled between her knees. The shivering intensified and her breathing quickened even more. "No-no-no." she whispered softly under her breath.
Alec now knelt in front of her and reached out a hand to touch her arm. "Jenna, what happened-"
"NO!" A shrill, sharp cry ripped from her throat and she swung her arm out at him.
Alec flinched when something stung his cheek and stumbled backwards. He pressed his fingers to his face and they came back with blood. He stared at Jenna and realized that in her hand, she held a shard of glass from the window downstairs.
She held it so tight that it was already cutting deeply into her palm. Only now he also noticed the drops of blood on the carpet and the cuts on her knees. Blood slowly trickled down her arm and her legs.
He reached out again, trying to hold on to Jenna's arm so she wouldn't hurt herself even more, but she screamed once more and forced him back. "Jenna, look at me. It's me. Alec. I'm not going to hurt you." he tried to explain.
She abruptly gazed at him for the first time then. Her breathing came in sharp, fast gasps and in her eyes was something completely unfamiliar. Hadn't she otherwise looked the same, Alec wouldn't have recognized her. "Y'r gonna hurt me." Jenna pressed out. "Y'r gonna hurt me. Y'r gonna hurt me."
"No, I'm not." Alec promised desperately, hands outstretched but not touching. There was something really wrong with her, he realized. She was looking at him, but she wasn't really seeing him. "It's me. I'm not gonna hurt you. You're hurting yourself, Jenna. Please… please, drop the glass."
"No!" Jenna squeaked in panic, hugging herself tighter and with that, grazing her thigh with the shard. Alec automatically flinched forward to stop her. "NO! Don't touch me!" she cried, making an erratic movement with her weaponized hand.
"Okay, okay." Alec called out, barely evading her in time and moving backwards to give her some space. His hands upheld, his eyes fixed upon the shard and the blood it drew from her palm. It was completely red by now, but Jenna didn't seem to feel the pain.
He reached into his pocket. Jenna flinched back. He grabbed his phone and called 999. Jenna didn't leave him out of her sight. She trembled and gasped and murmured softly.
"Hello, this is DI Alec Hardy, calling from West Street 31 in Broadchurch. There's a woman, having a severe panic attack. She's unintentionally hurting herself. I need help as fast as possible… yes, thank you."
He hung up, staring at Jenna. She stared back. He wasn't trying to move closer again, but couldn't help following the little trickle of blood that ran down her leg. Her right arm, the one with the shard, was stained with blood, too. She wasn't dangerously hurt yet, but upsetting her might just do that. So Alec stayed still and tried to make sense of what was happening.
She obviously had a panic attack. It was possible that she was traumatized by something or rather someone who had hurt her in the past. Alec remembered all the times he asked about her reasons for coming here and how vehemently Jenna refused to talk about it. He didn't press on, knowing how much memories can hurt. He thought she would eventually tell him when she was ready.
But this was something he hadn't reckoned with. To his professional eye, she looked like the victim of some kind of domestic abuse. Maybe even… worse. Alec didn't want to think about it.
Jenna's breath was still going a mile a minute. It was astonishing that she hadn't passed out yet. Alec got the feeling that it was fear that kept her on high alert.
He tried talking to her again. "Jenna, whoever you are seeing right now… I am not them. I'm Alec. We're… we're friends." he spoke softly, but her eyes were still widened in panic. "I'm worried about you. Please, let go of the glass."
Immediately, Jenna grabbed it tighter in response, cutting her flesh deeper. "No!" she rasped lowly. "Not friends. Y'r gonna hurt me!"
Alec shook his head, face pinched in despair. Who had scared her this much?
Then finally sirens could be heard and soon footsteps trampled up the staircase. Jenna noticed it, too. Her eyes widened even more. Full of panic, her gaze flew around and her body was shaking. "No-no-no-no!" she kept repeating.
Alec wanted to calm her, but she wasn't letting him close. He stood and moved back when the paramedics arrived. In as few words as possible he explained the situation. During all that, Jenna looked like a frightened little baby lamb. Bloody and tired. But when the medical staff calmly started talking to her and tried to get closer, her panicked rage broke out once more.
She started screaming and waving her sharp weapon around. The paramedics jumped back, but in their hefty clothes they were safer than Alec in his jacket. They didn't leave her alone for long.
Finally, a male ambulanceman had managed to grab her arm and angle the shard away from her. Now Jenna's panic grew explosively.
"NOO! NO, DON'T HURT ME! NO! NO, PLEASE!" She yelled, screamed and started kicking her feet about. Three paramedics had to hold on to her to keep her from hurting them or herself. Her scream went through and through.
Alec stood there, pale and in shock. He had seen scenes like that in his line of work, and not just once. But this was Jenna. This was someone he knew and cared for. This couldn't be happening to her.
"Please, step back." one of the ambulanceman said, before he moved closer to a screaming, writhing Jenna and set a needle to her thigh. She yelled louder.
"Is that really nece-" But before Alec could finish his sentence, the needle went down and suddenly everything was very quiet as Jenna slumped down and passed out cold. "Jenna." Frightened by her sudden immobility, Alec knelt down next to the paramedics, finally able to touch Jenna's limp arm. Quickly, he checked her pulse at her wrist. Just to make sure.
And then he saw it.
Jenna's arm was riddled with scars. Some were random, but some looked definitely self-induced. Shocked, he viewed her other arm, the one that was red with blood. It was also full of old cuts and scars. He could now even spot some on her legs. She had moved too much earlier, he contemplated. Alec couldn't explain it any other way that he hadn't noticed before.
"We need to take her in, sir." a female paramedic told him.
"Can I go with her?" Alec immediately asked.
"Are you a family member? Or someone who knows more about her medical history?"
He swallowed. "No. But I'm the only one she has here. She just moved into town. Her family lives in London."
The paramedic nodded. "Alright, then. You can come with us."