Evangelion: You Shall (not) Win This Time

04: I Have (not) Yet Begun to Fight OR 2 Months Worth of Training (in) 1 Chapter

(Warning: all properties belong to their respective copyright holders/original creators. Eva and Gurren Lagann to Anno, Rick and Morty to Dan Harmon and Justin Roiland, Reality Warpers to Yoshi3000, you get the idea)

(Opening Theme: "Reverse/Rebirth" by Iwagana Hiroaki and Kimijima Asaya)

Morning had came as I prepared for the next day of my training along with getting more acquainted with most of the NERV staff, however there was one thing that I was dreading having to deal with today: having to meet with Gendo Ikari: the bastard king of anime himself. Now it's no secret that many people within the anime fandom community hate this guys guts for everything he's done throughout most, if not all the non-Angelic Days based timelines, me included. I get my training gear on under a black three piece suit, weights included, wanting nothing more than to get my run in with the old rat bastard out of the way as quickly as possible. At least I had breakfast to keep my mind off the matter, if only for a little while. Once I had eaten my fill, I excuse Wynn, Eria and Lyna to tend to their daily deeds while I go off to confront the old demonic fool that not even the devil himself would back up at NERV headquarters. Luckily Misato was there to give me a guided tour as we reached my destination: Gendo's office as the door opened to reveal the rat bastard sitting at his desk in his most iconic pose with his older goon Fuyutsuki by his side.

"This better be important, Major Katsuragi."

Misato gestured towards me and replied "Commander Ikari, this is the new representative from the UN, Mr. Desmond Bishops, he's your 9:30 appointment."

The old fool looks at me as if I were someone sent to shut down his whole operation (so there might be a chance that he was on to me already. Damn.) before bluntly saying "Seriously? Out of everyone from the UN's horde of representatives, they send me a lowly...college student?"

You know, I actually took some offense to that before responding "Oh you wish they sent someone who believes in a dream that doesn't exist anymore, because right now you're looking at your new worst nightmare, Ikari."

I then turn to Misato and ask her to wait for me at the nearest elevator, wanting to have a few words alone with the commander, she allows it and walks away as I step into the room and the door closes behind me.

"Listen here, Ikari, it's no secret among UN members that most of us don't like you. In fact, some of us outright hate your guts, including me. So it wouldn't be much of a surprise that the grand majority of us don't trust you in the slightest amount with either our money or our machines. So here's what's gonna go down: you're gonna do everything I tell you, you're gonna like it, and if you even so much as think about crossing me, I will have the entire might of the United Nations military come crashing down on your little organization while you get hung from the gallows. Do you understand me?"

"You think I'm intimidated by you? Well think again, because I don't give a damn what you or the UN say about me, or your petty little threats. I have control of the EVAs, I have the city nothing short of under my heel. You want to go against me, then you better damn well be sure you can beat me."

Oh it was on now as I reply back "I don't think I can beat you, I know I can destroy you. So you better choose your next few words correctly, because they might as well be your last if they aren't."

Well, that shut him up for a bit before I continue to speak at my own pace by saying "Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I can tell you that I've already met with Major Katsuragi, and I do intend to meet with the rest of the major staff here in due time, so they better be ready for interviews with me when I say that it's their time, got it?"

Before Ikari could even open his mouth, his lacky managed to chime in and reply "Crystal clear, sir."

"Good. Now then, I have other appointments that I'd like to keep today, one of which is meeting this secretary that NERV, or more so you were so adamant on me having, and quite frankly I don't want to be in the same room as you any longer than I have to. So goodbye for now, and remember: I'm watching both of you like a freaking hawk, so don't even think about trying anything stupid. Got it?"

He was just absolutely silent as I walked out the door, but deep down I already knew he hated my guts as much as I hated his. I make my way to the elevator that Misato and I rode in order to reach our current floor as I see her talking to a woman in a plum business suit who's physical appearance was nothing short of a dead ringer for that of Jessie's from Pokemon. That's when Misato signals me to come over to where she was standing.

"There you are, Mr. Bishops. How'd the meeting with the commander go?"

"I got what I wanted to say said, that's all you really need to know right now. Anyways, I'm guessing that this is the secretary NERV wanted me to have?"

To which Misato confirms by saying "You guessed right, meet Jessabelle Musashi. She'll be your assistant in regards to all things NERV during your stay here."

Jessebelle then reaches out her hand for me to shake before saying "I'm sure it'll be a pleasure working with you, Mr. Bishops. If you ever need anything from me, , all you have to do is call the number on this card." before handing me her personal business card with her contact info.

"Thank you, I'll be sure to keep that in mind when I'm organizing my meetings with the rest of the major NERV staff."

I can honestly say while walking out of NERV HQ and back into the limo I rode there in that our dear Jessie look alike was gonna be more than just some shlub that NERV dispatched in order to keep tabs on me and my plans, and possibly a fairly decent ally who could aid me in my plans to take down the organization and Gendo later on. But I didn't have time to think about it further right now, I had Warper training to get to. Mura and I head to the outskirts of Kamina city where something that kinda surprised me was waiting for us.

"Uh, dare I ask what this is?"

Well, my question gets answered when Mura responds "This my simple little apprentice, is a Gravity Amplification Research Dome. I had Merch set one up here last night, even went with the DXXL model, thing can simulate upwards of 200 times Earth's gravity. You, me, those Gurren Lagann guys, we're all gonna be using this baby to help further your training."

Two hundred times Earth's gravity?! It's official: this lady is trying to kill me.

"Oh don't look at me like that, your mutated Saiyan/Human/Spiral hybrid DNA should make this a cinch for you. After all, isn't the whole gimmick of Spiral Energy that it's based off of will power and fighting spirit like the Green Lanterns?"

Well, she had me licked...again.

"Alright, is this thing what we're gonna be using to help learn how to do Ki blasts?"

"Hmmmmmm...not exactly. Before I even think of letting you set foot in there, I'm gonna have you try and fire off a few Ki blasts using the information in those chapters I told you to read last night. You did read what I told you to, right?

All I can do is nod yes, having gone through every page of what she wanted me to go over before I wound up crashing into meditation induced sleep just after midnight last night.

"Perfect, then you'll probably have an easy time blasting something out of the air using only your internal Ki reserves."

That's when she picks up a small rock off of the ground and throws it into the air, signaling me to shoot it. I focus my energy an try to create an explosive ball to shoot at said rock, only to get...jack squat (I'd like to see you do it on your first try without years of practice, people readying their jeers in the comment section). That's when she picks up the rock again before telling me "I hope you don't intend on us getting into that machine for a while, because we're gonna keep practicing this until you get it down pat. Now try again." She throws the rock into the air again as I thrust out my palm, firing off a concentrated ball of energy to blow it to bits. Whadya know, only took me two tries with that trick.

"Better, but let's see you do it again a few more time with multiple targets."

That's when she starts throwing more rocks in my general direction, leading me to shoot off a few more energy balls to counter 'em before my eyes start bugging out of my head at the sight of a giant boulder heading my way. If I didn't shoot that thing apart, I was nothing short of a goner. So I try and focus energy into both hands before firing off a bigger blast that manages to blow the boulder into smaller bite sized chunks.

"Very good, a few more rounds of doing that and you should have basic Ki attacks down pat. I think it's about time to try some sparring inside the Gravity Amplification Research Dome."

Now I knew this wasn't gonna be a fun day, but I just had to suck it up and accept it as I entered the dome shaped building where Mura was standing next to some sort of console.

"Now I know we only just started training yesterday, so I'm gonna go easy on you and set this to only two times Earth's gravity to start us off. So while you may be wearing about 80 pounds of weight, it's gonna feel like you're wearing 160 pounds worth."

I had to ask "Uh, wouldn't it be better to have me wear like, 5 pound weights while under multiple amplifications of Earth's gravity, and then have me wear ones equal to the next magnification up while outside?"

The reply I get: "Hmmmm, we can try out your little theory next time, but for right now, you'll just have to make due."

She then sets the gravity setting to 2Gs as I instantly feel the shift in weight in my arms and legs as if they were being pulled to the ground a whole lot faster then they would be in normal gravity. That's when the Majin lady faces me before getting into a battle stance and saying "By training under multiple magnifications of Earth's gravity, you should be able to get relatively the same results as you would get under normal gravity, just at a faster rate."

I almost wanted to disagree with her, but I had to look back at the prime example of this happening: Goku. During the time between his fight with Raditz and the Saiyan invasion of Earth in DBZ, he was able to get his power level up from just a few hundred to over 8000 (or 9000 if you're a die hard believer of the English translations) by spending a year training non-stop on King Kai's planet, which has a gravity factor of 3 times that of Earth. And by the time he was done, he was able to safely pull off a x3 Kaio Ken and use the Spirit Bomb. And if that example wasn't enough, there's the example of him training under 100x Earth's gravity during his journey to planet Namek in order to pull off stuff like a x10 Kaio Ken. Pretty impressive feats, right? Well, the thing to 'em is that Goku was able to train non-stop for 6 to 12 months where as I only had less than 2 months before the events of the canon began. PLUS I had to deal with NERV affairs along with keeping my Warper powers a secret until the time was right. Now I wasn't expecting to get Frieza saga Goku level results, but I wouldn't mind having power comparable to Frieza saga Piccolo if possible. That's when the sparring begins, and with the added gravitational force, I was getting my ass handed to me...repeatedly. The only good things to come out of it were that I was able to slightly adjust to it properly and another Zenkai boost coming my way, the second out of what I assumed would be many come the end of basic training. We finally return home to Tokyo 3 as I manage to rest up and go through some more of the "For Dummies" books I got from Merch to learn their secrets. At least the next day was gonna be a good one since not only did I not have any appointments with NERV, but it would also be the day that hopefully my real training with the Dai Gurren Brigade. Mura and I were standing inside one of the main conference rooms inside of Parliament Tower along with the members of Team Dai Gurren as Simon says to us "Alright, what is it that you needed to talk to us about?"

Since we couldn't just go ahead and say that we were Warpers who wanted to be trained on how to use Spiral Energy by them or risk causing some sort of cataclysmic event happening before the events of future canon take place, we made up a quick story as I responded "To sum it all up, we came here from the future to warn you about a grave danger that will come your way in no less than 4 years time."

Yoko Littner, being one of the smarter ones in the group was more critical of my story, leading her to respond "Wait, how do we know that this isn't some sort of prank?"

Which lead Mura to reply "Because if we were playing a trick on you guys, we wouldn't have brought this with us."

That's when Mura showed off a syringe filled with a green liquid before explaining "During the time where we came from, a group of vicious aliens known as the Anti-Spirals have done a significant amount of damage to the Earth using Nia as a beacon after the planet's population reaches past the 1 million mark. You guys were able to save her and defeat the Anti-Spiral leader...but at a cost as Nia dies shortly afterwards due to a fail safe implanted in her in case their plans failed. The serum you see in my hands was formulated to help make Nia immune to the power the Anti-Spirals use to bring their plans into fruition, while cutting off their fail safe in Nia should their plans go south."

I add "Which brings us to the reason why we're here: a few years after you defeat their supposed leader, the Anti-Spirals came back, more powerful than ever, and even you guys weren't enough to stop them this time. Before it was too late, we were sent back in time to make sure that you become even more powerful than you were during the first Anti-Spiral war, all the way to the point where you'll be able to defeat them even without the use of GunMen. Will you help us protect the future by training with us and becoming even more powerful then you could possibly imagine?"

Of course most of 'em were skeptical about our story at first, but eventually came around after thinking about the possibilities of their future becoming like the one that Mura and I had described. A few minutes later, we all step in front of the GARD as Mura hands each of them a set of 5 pound weights to wear on their arms and legs while explaining how the weights would affect their training. She then says that she wants me and Simon to spar as an example of what the training would be like as he and I face one another. I really expected things to not go as planned by this point in my Warper career, but no. Why? Because before either of us could even think of throwing the first punch, Viral comes lunging at us with cleaver in hand spouting on about how he'll have his revenge for the indignity he suffered at the hands of the Dai Gurrens during their last encounter before Mura stopped him dead in his tracks. After she knocked the cleaver out of his hands, she made a him an offer: beat her and be allowed to go after us without interference, but lose and be forced to serve as her student. The team and I watch as she female Majin pretty much decimates the Human/Beastman hybrid in a matter of mere seconds before explaining the part he played in the first Anti-Spiral war, and how his valiant efforts and final sacrifice during the second one made him a legendary hero in the "timeline that me and her came from". Eventually it sank into him that if he trained with the rest of us, he could one day possibly surpass even the Spiral king during his prime, which gave him all the reasons he needed to decide to join us. That's when the rest of the day started going by a little bit smoother with non-stop sparing matches, including some under 2x Earth's gravity thanks to the GARD. A day's worth of training, getting more used to amplified gravity and one boost to my power level later, and I'm back home checking on what's on the ol' dimensional boob tube. To my surprise, I had gotten another package from Toki Toki Town had shown up while I was gone. Turns out that this Ryoshiro character seems to be a fan of the "show", and wanted ol' Merch to set me up with some new training gear including a set of modular weights that I could adjust at any time and a pair of pretty cool looking shades. Wait a minute, "show"? Now I knew that the guy I saw with the Crystal Gems, Ryker Blackthorn had his own show since I had watched it last night, but I never expected me to get my own show this early on. Once the canon series started, maybe, but not during my training. I had to see this for myself, just to make sure that this wasn't some sort of prank. So I picked up the remote, turned on the voice function, and said "Search for shows featuring Desmond Bishops". And that's when I saw it: a camera view of me from behind right on my TV. I couldn't believe this, I felt like I was in a parody of that one scene from Spaceballs where Helmet and Sanders were watching themselves as the movie was still being made (and I love that movie as one of my all time favorites). Yeah, turns out that there was a clause in the registration papers that gave any Warper television channel the right to make a show about my adventures and air 'em on dimensional cable. This was at least four kinds of trippy, and I didn't wanna deal with it right now, so I change the channel to a network airing a dare show, and the host was none other than Loveless herself hosting the Straw Hats along with other famous One Piece characters in doing dares and reactions. This didn't surprise me as much as you might think it would, considering that I did submit dares to the show prior to coming here, and even collected most of the stuff that I had them fetch for me on fetch quests. Eventually like everyone who had the chance to watch TV from every possible reality, I got bored and wanted to see what else was on, so I change the channel to find that yet another Blackthorn family member had his own show, except that in this one, he was pretty much building a harem of buxom beauties like they were a team of Pokemon. The next two months go by in a somewhat repetitive cycle: wake up, eat a huge breakfast, get myself cleaned up and ready for the day (now with the modular weights set to 5 pounds each since they'll just increase in amplified gravity), meet with NERV officials, piss off Gendo even more, then train with Mura and the Dai Gurrens for most of the day until it's time to go home, then it's dimensional TV, dinner, and hitting the books before meditating myself to sleep until it was time to repeat the process the next day with only slight alterations here and there on certain days. For example, on day 17 of the training, there wasn't any sparing to be had, like, at all. No, the whole day was focused on meditation and unlocking the ability to pull off the Kaio Ken. A bit surprising that we're going over something found in "Intermediate Energy Manipulation for Dummies" when the Dai Gurrens were more on the level of "Beginners", not to mention that according to Mura's profile, she had only trained with versions of Krillin, Piccolo and Vegeta during her time with the Time Patrol, which meant that we should only be learning stuff like the Destructo-Disc, Galick Gun, Spacial Beam Cannon, Final Flash, Hell-Zone Grenade, you get the idea. But hey, it's a free move that boosts your strength in short bursts during a fight, you don't pass something like that up. Then there was day 47, where it was basically free period for training since Mura had to take off in order to deal with something with her family. When I had asked about it after she had got back, she had told me that members of her clan were branching off to form their own sub-sect called the Kage in order to distance themselves with the more corrupt Tenin family members. Pulling a trade with Merch for some info regarding the Tenins in exchange for DNA samples of Total Drama's Sanders, I managed to get the down lo on the actual clan itself: turns out that before the Blackthorns were the most powerful family in all of Warper-dom, the Tenin and Frost families were the biggest with the Tenins being the major business moguls of the two. But when the Blackthorns had created the BlackTabs for the first time, they quickly fell into ruin in the aftermath of the Blackthorn/Frost war. Making matters worse for the family was that Merch himself had sued 'em for trying to steal the blueprints for the BlackTabs to sell for themselves. As a result of losing the court case, the head of the family had their power sealed, and was sentenced to exile on an undisclosed world. Yeah, if my clan had screwed themselves over that much, I'd probably wanna jump ship by starting up my own group too. Just barely under 2 months worth of training, dealing with NERV officials, and getting new ways to get my power level up through dimensional cable later, and I was able to withstand 12x Earth's gravitational pull and safely pull off a x7 Kaio Ken as my max while sitting pretty with a power level of 81,000. I knew that I had only one more day before the third Angel would show up so I could put my plan into action by beginning Shinji's training, but I still had to make a few more stops in order to tie up some loose ends first. Earth Dimension C-137-AU2: something that could only be described as a near identical mirror version of the Prime Rick and Morty timeline save for things like Rick sparing the council and becoming their primary source of Mulan Szechuan Terriyaki dipping sauce for their McNuggets alongside Jerry filing for divorce against Beth before Rick busted out of prison and took down the Galactic Federation's government. Stepping to the door of the Sanchez house with blueprints of Slash Man, Quick Man and Drill Man in hand, I politely knock on the door to be met by Beth herself.

"Can I help you?"

I reply "Actually, yes. I'm looking for a Rick Sanchez, any chance he's home right now?"

"Hold on a second. Dad, there's someone here for you! And he's got blueprints or something! He'll be out in a moment."

A few seconds later and out comes Rick, drunker than usual. Though I can't really blame him for it since I saw the episode of Steven Universe Blackthorned where the Jerry of this timeline was revealed to not only be having a fling with Rick's old flame Unity, but is a member of the Warper Tribunal, a group of sadistic corrupt Warpers lead by the head of the Frost family.

"Lemme guess, you're here for the (belch) Unmaker, aren't you?"

"Yeesh Rick, you look horrible."

"Oh yeah? (belch) Well I'd like to, you know (belch) see (belch) you after after for-forty hours of binge drinking w-w-without being able to sleep because probably the (belch) only thing in the universe that proved to be your equal was buys nailing the brains out of your stupid former son in law."

"Yeah, I saw the episode, and if I didn't like Jerry all that much then, I outright dislike him now that there's a version of him working for those slimeballs in the Tribunal that would be willing to undercut their own family members just so they could win some stupid shooter game."

"The feeling's mutual. Alright, your weapon is in the garage. You got the stuff we agreed upon?"

To which I reply "Right here. Three sets of Robot Master blueprints, and good ones too."

"Yeah yeah, we'll see about that."

We step into the garage as I see Morty dressed up like the "No Mercy Morty" from the Pocket Mortys mobile game, just without any of the scars putting a final polish on the same Unmaker I gave them not too long ago now sporting red glowing tubes and orbs across the body. Rick then picks it up and explains to me "It's simple: just aim this at an Angel or anything that makes an AT Field of significant strength and pull the trigger. It'll fire off an Anti-AT Field burst that'll strike the core head on. Just be careful cause you're gonna get some serious (belch) decomposition. Like, massive chunks of Angel meat all (belch) over the area where the corpse is gonna be. Y-y-you're looking at a real gore-fest more or less when you fire this thing."

I get out the Robot Master blueprints out before handing them to Rick, and it was at that moment when an idea on how to deal with Jerry came into my head.

"Hey Rick, at the end of your little adventure with Ryker and the Gems, you said that you wanted to put out a bounty on Jerry, right?"

"Yeah, your point?"

"Well, what if I decided to take the job, as a favor?"

The response I get: "By all means, go right ahead." And this didn't come from Rick mind you, but from Morty of all people. Yeah, I'm as shocked as the rest of you (well, those of you who haven't read any of Yoshi3000's Rick and Morty related stories yet anyway. And if you haven't yet, why not?).

"Holy crap, wasn't expecting that out of ya', Morty."

Which he replies to me by saying "After the whole reveal that he's apart of the Tribunal thing that recently happened, it's the grand consensus within the family that dad's gotta go. So you know, blast him, tear him apart, melt him with some sort of Mega Tur-Turbulent Juice mixture, there uh, there really isn't any real wrong options, just as long he's dead in the end."

Dayum, this Morty means business. I accepted to take on the hit, and do you know what the easiest part of the job was? Well I'll tell ya': actually finding the guy. Yeah, turns out that the dumb Tribunal butt thumper was actually dumb enough to post where he was hiding out on his Warper Facebook page, that stupid moron. Turns out that he was currently hiding out in a Seth MacFarlene animated timeline where Brian Griffin's Space Shire 7 series became a multimedia mass hit franchise and was currently holed up in what was the mountain mansion that belonged to Stan's stepbrother. The actual hard part was gonna be getting inside and doing the job itself since the mansion had now been reinforced with an outer perimeter wall that was swarming with security in the form of guard bot B-2 Super Battle Droids with who knows what else waiting for me on the inside. I knew that this wasn't gonna be a cakewalk, but I had to test myself, I needed to truly know how far I had come since going from level 7 to level 10 because if I can't take down this chud, then how the hell am I supposed to take on anything in the multiverse that's gonna want a piece of me? I mean I probably already have a few sadists on my now non-existent tail, and Primus knows how many more are gonna be after me once I put my plan into motion. I was getting ready to infiltrate the outer area of the wall...that is until I felt a tapping on my shoulder. To my shock, the person behind me was Mura who had most of the Dai Gurrens in tow with her.

"You really think that I'm gonna let someone like you risk their life by taking part in an assassination job of a wanted criminal guarded by hordes of robot drones on your own with minimal training and lack of experience in the field?"

"Hold on, how'd you know that I'd be here?"

The response I get: "You don't think I have access to dimensional cable too?"

"Okay I probably should have expected that answer, but that still doesn't explain why you brought the Dai Gurrens with you...unless you showed them dimensional cable, which would mean that you...oh no."

Simon was the first to reply to this by saying "It was bound to happen eventually, though I guess we can't really blame you guys for wanting to hold on to your secret since you were willing to go so far as to help prevent the ending to our fight with these Anti-Spiral from being as bittersweet as it would have been without your help."

Yoko adds on to this by going "Weither you two are who you say you are or not, you're still full members of the Dai Gurren Brigade, weither you like it or not."

They didn't want to kill me, I'll take that as a win. That's when I come up with a plan that involves all of us.

"Alright, I have an idea on how to breach the compound: Mura will take Gimmy, Darry, Kitan and Viral to take the left flank of the outer perimeter while I'll take Simon, Nia and Yoko to storm the right and from there, we'll regroup and take down the security within the inner areas until we reach our target. Sound good?"

They all nod in agreement to my plan. Yeah, it seemed like a pretty good plan on paper, but there was still the level of difficulty that comes with actually pulling it off. Luckily the ol' tinnies didn't put up too much of a fight as we were able to take 'em down using only the most simple attacks someone can learn. Breaching the outer area was a breeze as we slowly made our way to the upper levels of the inner base, and while there were some obstacles that got annoying at times (those stupid Destroyer Droids with their laser shields and those lousy Magnaguards that don't stay down unless you make them), we were still able to reach Jerry's hiding spot without revealing too much of our full powers...until I got separated from the rest of the group, leaving them to deal with Glob knows what and I can't help them. Next thing I know, out comes the slick little pain in the ass Tribunal member slow clapping while he made his presence known out of the shadows.

"I knew it was only gonna be a matter of time before Rick sent someone to get rid of me, but did he have to send some relative unknown and his wimpy friends to fight me?"

Okay, that little comment got me a little steamed as I reply "I'll have you know you're talking to a bonafied level 10 Warper compared to your weak ass level 4 status. You should be begging me for mercy right now since my team and I managed to mow through your entire security force without any real problems."

"Oh did you? Really? Why don't you take a look at that monitor over there, because by the looks of things, your little buddies are in a real bit of a spot right now."

Damn I hate it when people prove me wrong because when I look at the monitor, I see the other having their hands full dealing with a squad of automated Gunmen Drones modeled to look like Barzams from Zeta Gundam lead by one that looked like the Bawoo from Double Zeta.

"See that? Your little buddies aren't gonna stand much of a chance against those Gunmen drones, and neither is that Blackthorn brat and his rock friends when they go up against Lord Elvin of the Tribunal...if they even make it that far."

"Uh, hate to burst your bubble, but according to the latest episode of Steven Universe Blackthorned, they've already reached Elvin's castle, and he and Ryker haven't truly had a real chance to fight yet. So there's still a pretty good chance that Ryker can pull something out at the last minute and kick Elvin's ass."

"Well it's too bad that you won't be able to see the end result, especially after I've beaten you into a fine paste with this."

Jerry then pressed a button on the chair he was sitting in as it turns into a cockpit to a giant mech suit sporting emblems for both the Schnee Dust Company and the Atlas military, meaning that it must have come from the world of Remnant.

"Really, Jerry? An Atlesian Paladin mech? You can't just accept your fate with what little dignity you might have left?"

In that stupid way he does, he just replies "Nope. Now prepare to meet your doom at the hands of my giant mechanical friend Mr. Crowbar, you dumb bounty hunting fool!"

Okay, so now I have to deal with the sumbyatch using a powered robotic mech suit meant to take on the toughest Grimms out there that could probably take me out in a matter of seconds if I'm not careful, time to fight like I've never fought before. So what do I do? Use a Destructo Disc? Nope, bot's able to deflect it. Volley of Ki blasts? I swear that thing's got some sort of anti-beam coating on it since my Ki attacks aren't doing a thing to it. Alright then, time to put some good ol' fashioned blades to use with the Ultimate Rising Titan Sword that I got off of Merch. At least I was finally able to land a dent into that bot's armor before getting swatted around like a bug into a nearby wall. Okay, so the direct approach to this isn't really working for me, then I'll just attack from behind. That's gotta work, right? Well, technically yes, but ultimately no since while I was able to get in a few hits that caused some cosmetic damage, I still got swatted into another wall. David H. Jones the crippled tap dancing Christ on a crutch, what does it take to bring this freaking thing down?! Let's see...what haven't I tried on this hunk of junk yet? Well it seems like that things is emitting a higher power level than I was, so what if I tried hitting it while using the Kaio Ken? Now judging from what little damage I've actually been able to do on it, that thing must be made out of some pretty sturdy stuff, not Cybertronian level sturdy, but still. So I might have to hit it with a stronger amplification than just double power. Might as well start off with x3 to wear it down. Of course while I'm thinking this out, Jerry did one of the usual villain cliches by questioning my durability an going "Had enough yet, or would you like me to keep mashing you into a fine paste?"

Oh now he was just begging for me to wail on him as I reply "That was just a warm up, time to get the real fight going. And I know just how to kick things off. Kaio Ken x3!"

Red aura starts surrounding me as Jerry's on board Scouter starts going off saying that my power level just shot up to 243,000. Obviously the Tribunal jackass didn't want me getting the upper hand, so he tries to shoot me with a shoulder mounted missile (luckily I was able to dodge it before returning fire with a few Ki blasts of my own that actually do legit damage to the armor protecting the unit's power generator). Things were actually starting to turn for my favor...until Jerry caught a lucky strike that sent me hurling back until I was able to recover and go into a x4 Kaio Ken.

"Warning: target's power level has increased even further. Current level stands at 324,000. Recommended course of action would be to terminate target before power level can be increased further."

That thing wasn't wrong, ol' white guilt milk toast piece of human garbage had better pull something out of his ass to finish me off quick before I do the same thing to him, only much worse. There was no way that I was gonna risk letting him get the best of me, so I did something that might seem pretty stupid (and in hindsight kinda was), but was the best option I had on such short notice: go straight into Kaio Ken x7, raise my power all the way up to 567,000, and break that tin can down to scrap metal as quickly as possible. I was able to dodge his attacks before firing off a shot that damaged its back armor so bad that the generator's protective plating broke off with a shard of it damaging the power supply in the process. As much as I would have loved to keep up the pace, my body was already starting to feel the strain of the Kaio Ken hitting it with everything it had. So I had to cancel the transformation and revert back into normal form, knowing that at least the fight should be a little bit easier from this point onwards.

"Danger. Danger. Primary power source damaged. Energy reserves decreasing at a rapid rate. Terminate target now before energy reserves are completely depleted."

"Tell me something I don't already know, you hunk of junk!"

"Teen Titans Go will be receiving a theatrical release feature film on Earth Prime in the year 2018 in the bane of the feature film for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic."

"Wow, really?"

Are you for real, Warner Brothers?! I leveled up in Warper rank before the Friendship is Magic movie was even released in theaters, and when I last checked up on current events on Earth Prime, the movie still wasn't released when Warner Brothers announced this. Why would you announce that you're making this to be put out in theaters when your competition hasn't even had its theatrical run and proven if something like this could work after the rise and fall of cartoons being adapted into movies back in the early 2000's?! Look, I don't hate Teen Titans Go (at least not as much as I used to), but I really don't think anyone was clamoring for a theatrical release feature film based off this show. Made for TV or straight to home video, maybe, but not theatrical release. Alright, I gotta end this fast. If my body can hold out for a few more quick Kaio Ken x7, bursts, I should be able to take this guy down relatively quick, right? Well...not so much. Before I even know it, I'm getting blasted with 4 kinds of Null Rays, slammed by concussive grenades, and given the old one two by a pair of giant mechanical fists. Here I am, beaten, bloody, bruised and barely able to stand on my own two feet as the iron dingus steps closer to deliver the final blow, but not before gloating about it first in true villain fashion.

"So, puny assassin, ready to meet your doom at the hands of my mechanical marvel and its friend Mr. Giant Crowbar who is actually a giant crowbar?"

"Danger. Danger. Power reserves down to 31%. Terminate target immediately."

"Can't you see I'm gloating here, you bucket of bolts?"

By the standpoint of logic, this is where I was gonna bite the big one. But if there's something that moron should have learned after seeing my teammates teaming up to take down each of the Gunmen drones, it's that when your a member of team Dai Gurren, the first rule you ever learn is to kick logic's ass to the curb before bending it over and giving it the ultimate fisting before adding insult to injury and making it pay out the ass for it, be it a sub or not. It may be a huge flight risk, and it could destroy my body in the process, but if I had nay chance of taking that thing and Jerry down for good, then I was gonna have to use a Kaio Ken magnification higher than that my body can safely endure.

(Track change: "Red Desire" by Masayuki Tanaka- Kamen Rider Kuuga OST)

"You may think you've beaten me, Jerry, but you and I know that this is far from over. I'm gonna take that tin can of yours, turn it into scrap metal, and fashion your funeral casket out of what's left. Say hi to your boss when he eventually winds up in hell with you, because taking down evil douchebags like you is just the way me, the Dai Gurrens, and the Crystal Squadron roll. Kaio Ken x13!"

I start charging up as much Spiral Energy infused Ki as I can as the scouter on Jerry's Paladin starts going haywire.

"Warning. Warning. Target's power level has increased to 1,053,000. Damage to power reserves and armor decrease odds of surviving outcome to .03%. Recommended course of action: make peace with your religious deity and hope to die quickly."

"Ooh, I'm in trouble, aren't I?"

"What do you think? Here goes everything: Giga Sword Hyper Storm Surge!"

Charging up as much Spiral Ki as I could into the blade of my sword, I start slashing away as green energy slashes start tearing into Jerry's mech suit.

"Danger. Danger. Power level of incoming attack registering at 1,120,541. Chances of survival now depleted. Damage levels at critical and ejection device is no longer operational. Multiple lethal blows now 100% certain. Recommended course of action: again, hope to die quickly."

Once all is said and done and the track cuts out, the Paladin was nothing more than a heap of scrap metal and Jerry was lying on the floor cut in half from the torso. The job wasn't done yet, so I take out my phone and snap a picture before sending it to Rick to confirm that his no good terrorist son in law is as good as dead. Before I know it, Rick and Morty come out of a portal as Mura and the Dai Gurrens blast down the door to the room where mine and Jerry's little scrap took place. Though not quite surprising to me now, Morty was the first to speak up.

"Holy cow, when you Warpers take someone out, you really do it in style, don't you?"

Then Simon asks "You okay, bro? You look like you just took a serious beating."

"Well considering that I had to use a times 13 Kaio Ken to win when my body is only currently capable of safely sustain a times 7 and my body is currently writhing in pain as we speak, please take me to a hospital."

Shouts of concern are the last thing I hear before blacking out from using all of the energy that I did during the fight. Next thing I know, I'm waking up inside of a capsule shaped pod as a bunch of green liquid was just getting done draining out as I see Rick, Morty, Mura and Merch standing around me.

"How long was I out for?"

The response I get from Merch: "About 5 hours. Your body took some pretty serious damage, you got luck when Mura was able to call me up when she did, or you would've been dead by now."

To which Mura adds on by saying "And before you ask, no I didn't have any more Senzu beans on me, so I couldn't heal you right on the spot."

Then I turn to Rick and Morty before Rick goes "Don't (belch) look at me either, kid. We ran out of Pure Cureum after a scrap with some Federation Groflomite remnants."

"But wait, where are the Dai Gurrens?"

Mura replies "I had Merch patch 'em up and sent 'em home to recover. I have to say that they did pretty well for their first official Warper mission considering those Gunmen drones each had a power level close to mine at 3,000,000 and their commander unit was at 10,000,000. There was some trouble for some of us on our own, but once we were able to gang up on 'em individually, that problem almost instantly went away."

"Good to know. Hey, what time is it in the Tokyo 3 I wound up in anyway?"

Merch looks at his BlackTab before replying "About 3:45 in the morning. Why?"

"Great, in a couple more hours, the third Angel is gonna make its presence known and kick off the events of the canon."

To which Morty chimes in by stating "But you got that custom gun Rick made for you, so there, there shouldn't be any real problems for you, right?"

"Yeah, but I still need to make it look like the EVAs took them down while I blast through their AT Fields in secret. Not to mention that now that I've taken down Jerry, I'm probably gonna have whatever's left of the Tribunal once Ryker gets done with them on my ass alongside whatever comes my way due to me altering the time line."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that if I wanna be able to face whatever's coming my way in the future, I'm gonna need a whole lot more to up my game."

That's when Merch gave me a little bit of information that I didn't mind hearing.

"Well you did earn a total of 950,000 dimensional credits for taking out Jerry, so you could use that towards getting a set up installed in your dimension."

"Huh, I thought it'd be a lot less coming from Rick."

Which leads the drunk scientist to respond "Don't look at me, I didn't even post the bounty yet before you showed up."

Well it didn't take too long for an answer on where the bounty originated from to come into the light as Merch says "Yeah, the Order kinda beat Rick to it. It was originally only for about 250,000, but I kinda added on to it because what can I say, the Tribunal's bad for business. I can't afford to have pains in the ass like him running around and trying to get stuff off of me for their own twisted reasons. I mean us Warpers have a law of neutrality that says that we can pretty much get away with anything outside of sexual assault ranging from icing someone just because we don't like them up to marrying a magic pony from the land of Equestria, which is still technically counted as bestiality in most alternate timelines unless your marrying the version of that character from the Equestria Girls universes, but even we have our own limits on how far we can take that freedom before some group screws it all up for the rest of us."

That's when I start doing some shopping around by asking "What would that plus the DNA samples of both Total Drama's Gwen and Dark Magician Girl from Yu-Gi-Oh in terms of something like that GARD unit you sold to Mura?"

Merch calculates the total on a nearby computer terminal before answering "Enough to get you the 4XL model, which can pretty much do double what the one I sold Mura can. It's pretty much a giant research lab/workout room/fallout shelter all rolled into one."

"Sold. I'm also gonna need a disguise in case there's any threats that I would have to protect the civilians from that aren't Angels."

"Hmmmmmmmmm, you said that you also had DNA samples of MacArthur from the Ridonculous Race along with those of Sanders, right?"

"Yes."

"Well if you'd be willing to part with it, I think I can set you up with a custom suit of armor to act as a form of disguise, something that could be summoned akin to the Great Saiyaman's costume."

"Deal, lemme get out of here so we can get right to work on designing it."

"But first, you uh, might wanna put on some new threads."

Did I dare look at the lower half of my body? I did not, instead opting to tell the others to look the other way while I suit back up in a new set of Vegito fighting gear. Then it was time to figure out the design for my disguise, which Merch and I were able to work out in the form of a dark blue Cell Games era Saiyan body glove topped with angular armor similar to that of Kamen Rider Ghost's Mugen Soul done up in a color scheme similar to your standard versions of Wheeljack from Transformers with alterations including changing the helmet to include dragonic rear head spikes to go with the horn and trading in the hoodie for a white cape with a red interior and a Dai Gurren Brigade emblem emblazoned on the back. The armor itself could be brought out using a watch similar to the Omniverse version of Ben Tennyson's Omnitrix, except that the white was recolored into a midnight violet and sported a function that could let me summon any weapon that I had placed a special tag on with just a push of a button. Soon enough, we were back in Tokyo 3 right before the sun was set to rise in order to tie up any current loose ends. We had set up the GARD in an abandoned warehouse just a few miles away from the hotel before I was dropped off on the outer deck of the penthouse as Merch throws me a bag of Senzu beans, stating that they were on the house before he and the Sanchezes teleport out of sight. Mura left shortly afterwards saying that she wanted to help with the Dai Gurren's training, though she did say that she'd be checking in on me every few days so I don't get shlubby. This left me alone with my thoughts for a moment until I heard a familiar voice.

"Um, Mr. Bishops sir, shouldn't you be in bed right now? I mean, you probably have some pretty important NERV stuff on your plate tomorrow, so wouldn't it be a good idea to try and get as much sleep as possible to deal with it?"

I turn my head to see Lyna standing in the door way wearing a pink silk robe, leaving me to only question what was underneath and what the three of them could have possibly done while I was out.

"Nah, I feel pretty rested enough. Plus I thought I'd watch the sunrise. I mean it's something that I've wanted to do for a while now, so I figured "while I'm up."

"Really? I loved watching the sunrise back in America, but I really haven't gotten a chance to watch one here yet."

"Well now's your chance, here it comes."

If there's one thing that can be truthfully said, it's that a sunrise can be surprisingly impactful to the soul, filling it with a sense of wonder that is all too often lost at any given point in a person's life. The kind of peace it brought was just the advantage I needed to ask something that had been on my mind for a while now.

"Lyna, do you mind if I ask you something personal about yourself?"

"Um, I guess not. What would you like to know?"

"Well, it technically revolves around your relationship with Wynn and Eria. You three seem pretty close, even for the best of friends."

She was a bit hesitant to answer at first, but she finally spoke up when she replied "Well...I guess you could possibly say that Wynn, Eria and I are kinda...more than...friends."

"Really, how so?"

The look of worry on her face increases in magnitude before she responds "Do you promise not to judge?"

The only thing I can do is give her a reassuring smile and answer "Lemme hear it, I'm sure it's not that bad."

I could see that some of the worry had left her, not all of it, but enough for her to answer me properly.

"Well...you see...Wynn, Eria and I are kinda...friends...with...benefits."

All I can do is smile and reply "That's it? Yeeesh, from the look on your face, I thought you were gonna tell me that you three I don't know, killed somebody or something like that. So, mind telling me how you three reached this...arrangement?"

Well hearing that made the look on her face ease up some more knowing that I'm not exactly judging her and her friends in their choice of lifestyle as she continues delving into their backstory by adding "Well it kinda goes like this, the three of us have been friends ever since we were little kids. We went to elementary school, middle school, high school, and we were even attending the same community college together before moving here. And I guess that over the years, our friendship kinda grew into something well...more. I guess it all came to full force during an after high school graduation party where our feelings for one another just came out. I was kinda expecting Eria to be the one who brought it out since she's more or less the bravest out of all three of us, but in reality it was Wynn who came out first. I really don't like admitting this, but I can't deny it either: Wynn is...well, she's pretty much afraid of almost everything, and for her to gather up that much courage to confess her feelings about how she loved both me and Eria and didn't want to have to choose, it wasn't just surprising, it was genuine and heartfelt coming from her. I mean of course the three of us knew that we all couldn't be married to one another at the same time, but we did sorta find a way around it, which kinda leads to the relationship we have today. I love both of them, and they love me just as much as I do them. So until the day we can find a way for all three of us to be married to one another legally, "friends with benefits" is gonna be as close to that as we can get."

Sweet Primus, that just blew my mind. Technically I could fill 'em in on the whole Warper secret now so they could be together legally under Warper law, but having to deal with the local governments was gonna be a problem until my plan reached a certain point in the future. I guess for right now, I only had one thing to say to her: "Go to them, Lyna. Embrace them."

She just looks at me surprised, like what she told me wasn't at the very least shocking to a normal person.

"Y-you're okay with all this? I mean, I just told you that me and your other two maids are in a relationship. A technically non-official according to social norms, poly-amorous, homosexual relationship where all three of us have sex...with one another all at the same time...sometimes when you're away for the day dealing with your work in the city...and you're okay with it? Like, you aren't going to persecute and or fire us because of it?"

I put my hand on her shoulder and firmly respond "Lyna, from what I just heard, the way you feel about your friends isn't just genuine, but I know for a fact that unless a romance is poisonous for either one or all parties involved, then it should be accepted no matter what others might say. Now go to them. Go to them and show them that the love they give to you is returned with your love for them in spades. I'll even give you guys a few days off next week so you can enjoy yourselves fully in Tokyo 2."

That's when she pulls me in for a hug and happily replies "Thank you so much, sir. I'll tell Wynn and Eria about this as soon as they wake up."

"You're very welcome. Now then, I gotta take care of something in town, but I'll be back in time for breakfast."

"Really? They're calling you in this early in the morning?"

"The price I pay for dealing with a government job."

I didn't really have to deal with NERV, I just wanted to get in a little bit more training before the third Angel showed up and the events of the canon began to unfold. It was finally time to put my plan into action. With SEELE gone, Gendo wasn't gonna win this time. And with what I have in store for this timeline, I was gonna make damn well sure of it.

(Ending Theme: "Into Blue Skies" by Masayuki Tanaka* (*= ending theme subject to change depending on episode. Yeah, we're taking the Heisei era Kamen Rider from Ryuki onward approach with this one.)

(Current Power Levels (I'm probably only gonna be doing this up until the fight against Zeruel since I think by that point, power levels will have lost all meaning. And if you're wondering why the Dai Gurren power levels are as high as they are, well I have a bit of a theory on that: being inside of a Gunman unit exposes the pilot to a significant amount of Spiral Energy, which can remain dormant inside of the pilot's body until they can learn to use it without the use of a Gunman. So in theory, the mechs that our favorite Gurren Lagann characters have been using for the whole show pretty much act like giant Zenkai boosters. for comparisons, I would estimate by the time of his final battle with Simon and Nia, Lord Genome would have probably had a power level somewhere in the 3 to 19,000,000 range.)

Desmond Bishops (me): 112,000 (Max Safe Kaio Ken: 784,000 at x7)

Mura Tenin: 3,125,000

Shinji Ikari: ?

Misato Katsuragi: 5

Gendo Ikari: 6

Simon the Digger: 2,350,000 (Max Safe Kaio Ken: 7,050,000 at x3)

Yoko Littner: 438,000 (Max Safe Kaio Ken: 1,314,000 at x3)

Nia Tepplin: 1,001,000 (Max Safe Kaio Ken: 3,003,000 at x3)

Viral: 2,348,000 (Max Safe Kaio Ken: 7,044,000 at x3)

Gimmy: 219,000 (Max Safe Kaio Ken: 657,000 at x3)

Darry: 210,000 (Max Safe Kaio Ken: 630,000 at x3)

Kitan: 891,500 (Max Safe Kaio Ken: 2,674,500 at x3)

Cherrie (Natalie) Rose Loveless: I'd estimate somewhere in between the 20,000,000 and 150,000,000 range

"Merch": I'm gonna say somewhere in the 50-100,000,000 range

Rick Sanchez (Earth Dimension C-137-AU2): at least 3,000

Morty Sanchez (Earth Dimension C-137-AU2): at least 500

Jerry Smith (Warper Tribunal): 4 (1,000,000 with Atlas Paladin mech suit)/ 0 (Status: deceased, reward claimed)

Gunmen Drones: 3,000,000 each

Gunmen Drone Commander: 10,000,000

B-1 Battle Droids: 100 each

B-2 Super Battle Droids: 250 each

Destroyer/Droideka Droids: 500 each (1000 with shields up)

Magnaguard Droids: 1250 each

Others to Come: ?

(Author's Note: I just wanna go on the record and say that the stuff at Rick's house and on Merch's ship take place shortly before Ryker and Elvin's final battle in Steven Universe Blackthorned, so if there's no mention of (spoiler alert) Dill's assassination by Genevieve Blackthorn II, the creation of the Fusion Force, or the bounties on the members of the Crystal Squadron, then that's why. Next time: the canon events finally come into play, but how will Bishops' presence change the events to come, stay tuned. So until next time, DSX62415, out.)