The golden sunlight poured through the window at the back of the classroom, turning her light brown skin bronze and warming her back. Luz sighed, slouching back in her chair. The teacher was droning on about the force of a spring or some shit, but Luz's hand was busy drawing a complex spiral in her notebook, endless bizarre patterns forming in the corners. She had no idea what it was going to be, and she'd only find out once she ran out of space on the page. And then she'd do the same on another page, and make something new. Luz loved drawing.
Something bounced off the top of her head. Luz sat up, startled, her hand sweeping over the front of her head. She reached into her beanie and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. When she unfolded it, there was nothing written on it. No point to it but to hurt her.
Luz glanced over to the front of the class to see Claire and her friends, all of them blonde and bubbly and perfect, holding back giggles as they looked at her. Luz caught her name and the word "retard". Glowering, she swept her notebook into her backpack, grabbed her bat bag holding her baseball bat, and stood up, striding towards the door. The teacher broke off her lecture to bark "Ms. Noceda! Where are you going?!"
Luz murmured something about going to the bathroom, not even breaking her stride as she swung open the door. Nobody tried to stop her. The teacher had better things to do than deal with the problem student. If Luz wanted to leave, better for everyone else.
The halls of Gravesfield High were as white and pristine as the majority of the students and almost all of the teachers. They were silent and empty at the moment, everyone but her in class. Luz stalked past walls covered in posters for decathlons and sports teams and student body presidents. None of it mattered to her.
She hurried down the stairs, skipping the last step on each flight. Worn-out sneakers encased her feet, faded black jeans leading out of them. It was Luz's second day wearing her striped purple-and-white shirt, and it was starting to smell. Even so, it was the cleanest shirt she had. A dark green bomber jacket billowed around her toned, muscular arms. Her black hair hung in long bangs in front of her face, with a red beanie sitting comfortably on the back of her head.
Luz circled around the security guard at the door and walked over to an empty classroom across the hall. She quietly opened the door and slipped in, then walked over to the window. She shoved it open and carefully climbed out, dropping down four feet to the pavement surrounding the school building. She could do it with her eyes shut at this point, she'd done so many times over the past two years. Her bomber jacket still bore a few small tears from a couple of times it had gotten caught in a window.
Cars roared by as Luz walked down the streets. Crowds of people oozed down the sidewalk, but Luz paid them no heed, shoving past sneering businessman and overexcited tourist alike. Her eyes absently noticed things like the light glinting off of a stopsign in funny colors, or wisps of cloud with a spidery shape that could be mistaken for handwriting. With a start, Luz realized she had walked past her bus stop, and angrily hurried back a few blocks.
She found the bus stop a bit later, right next to statues of two men in Puritan-era waistcoats. Luz scowled at the brothers Wittebane. Everybody in Gravesfield knew their story, and those who didn't would have it told to them over and over, no matter if their care about it started at zero and went lower and lower with every telling.
Gravesfield was long past its days as a witch-hunting God-fearing colony anyway, and yet so many people seemed to want to go back to that. No matter the fact that there were no witches, and everyone who was killed because of that story was innocent.
Fuck, she needed a smoke.
Luz rifled through her backpack and pulled out a lighter and a package of cigarettes. She selected one of the tubes of tobacco and clicked the lighter a few dozen times until it worked. She lit her cigarette, put it to her lips, and took a long drag, feeling the smoke calm her whirling, broken brain.
Luz had blown a few clouds of the nicotine-spiked smoke by the time her bus arrived. She stomped out the cigarette and climbed aboard the bus, taking a seat at the back.
The bus went down the standard few dozen stops, people getting on and off equally at each. Luz kept sitting there even as the bustle of people began to thin out, as the buildings got shorter and dirtier and more washed-out in appearance. Luz took out her notebook and started to draw.
The bus stopped and the driver's voice echoed that this was the last stop, so would everyone please get off. Luz looked up to find nobody else on the bus. She put her notebook away and stepped off the bus, getting off next to a pizza place that had been closed down for years and an apartment building with a crumbling facade. Luz walked through the alley between the two buildings, various slogans graffitied on the walls. Luz had added some of her own when she was younger. The swastikas were new, though.
Luz vaulted over the fence at the end of the alley and landed on a dumpster. She walked through a concrete box of buildings and garbage bags, then came out the other side past a Mexican restaurant. Luz spared the delicious-smelling maduros a second glance, but pressed onward.
And if she was just a little tenser in the shoulders and walked just a little faster in the streets, well… that was for her to tell.
Luz walked for around an hour, city blocks passing by with barely a nod of acknowledgement, each a different painting of neglect and failure. She was working her way through a second cigarette when a skinny young man with fresh-looking scars on his chin stepped in her path. "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" he said, holding up his hands. "Slow down. Where're you going that you're walking so fast?"
Luz tensed and stepped back a bit. The man closed the distance. "Home," said Luz neutrally.
"All by yourself?" he said, in a voice way too concerned to actually be concerned. "It's dangerous in this part of town. Don't you know? There's all sorts of dangerous men who'd do anything to a little girl like you." Luz carefully looked over her shoulder to see that three men in torn-up shirts were walking up behind her. Two carried metal pipes, and a third held a chain.
The man in front of her was still talking. "Why don't you let us big boys escort you home? Just right this way." He gestured to an alley.
"That's not the way to my home," said Luz, calmly loosening the straps on her backpack.
"It's not? Well, I-"
Luz's fist slammed into his gut and as he doubled over, she seized him by his shoulders and threw him to the ground. She spun around just in time to catch a pipe to the chest from one man, sending her sprawling to the ground. She quickly rolled to the side as he tried to stomp on her, throwing aside her backpack and drawing her bat from its bag.
Luz swung the bat at the man's knee from the ground and he staggered. She hadn't had much space to swing, so it didn't drop him, but it bought her time to jump to her feet, swinging her bat up in the same motion. The second man with a pipe rushed at her, and her swing connected with his face with a crack. He went down, dropping like a stone.
The skinny man who spoke to her lunged at her back, a knife drawn. Luz tried to sidestep the blow, but caught the blade to her side and it broke skin with a couple droplets of blood. The first man with a pipe swung at her head. Her bat struck his elbow and his swing went wild, sending his pipe flying.
The chain lashed into the side of her head and she staggered, almost dropping her bat. The man with the knife plunged his weapon towards her stomach and in a surge of adrenaline, she kicked him in the crotch. As he staggered to the side, she struck the side of his head with her bat's handle and he dropped.
Luz turned back to face the other two men, one unarmed, one with a chain. Or at least that's what she remembered, because right now she was seeing three of each. She knew she'd have a big bruise on her face now.
The guy(s) with the chain seemed hesitant to fight- new gang member, her brain supplied- but the unarmed one lunged, tackling her to the ground. She brought her knee into his gut and his fists pummeled her chest. Grabbing him by his shoulders, she rolled on top of him, grabbed her bat, and bashed his face against the concrete once, twice, and he was out.
Luz looked to her right to see the man with the chain was running off with her backpack. Giving a shout, she sprinted after him, gaining ground rapidly. He looked over his shoulder and sprinted into an alley. She followed. It was a dead end. He was backed at the end of the alley, waving the chain out in front of him. "Stay back!" he yelled. "Stay the fuck back or I'll beat your fucking ass! I will, you fucking believe me!"
Luz stalked towards him and he drew back, still screaming threats. She stuck out her hand. "Give it," she said, wrath filling her voice. He looked at her bat, the blood of his fellows drying on it, swallowed, and slid the bag over to her.
Luz rifled through her bag. He hadn't taken anything. Then she fished out a roll of quarters and tossed them at him. He looked at her, shock coating his face. "There's a payphone around the corner. Old-fashioned, but it still works. Call an ambulance for your boys back there. I think I mighta broken something."
He nodded mutely. Luz stepped to one side and motioned to him with her head. He sprinted out of the alley and she watched him round the corner. She wasn't sure if he was going to call the ambulance or just run off with the money. But she had tried, and that was what counted.
Sure.
Luz stomped down the streets, hoping that nobody else tried to mug her. She couldn't take on any more guys. That had been a bad fight, and if she hadn't spent the fifteen years of her life in neighborhoods like this, she doubted she would've made it out alive. She barely did even now.
A wave of dizziness rushed over Luz as she realized how close she had just come to dying. Getting raped. Something else terrible that her ringing mind couldn't think of. She'd been in worse fights, but not many.
Luz wasn't sure how much longer she spent walking. A minute. An hour. She arrived at the familiar faded red facade of an apartment building and fished out her keys from her bag. Her fingers found the keyhole and she stumbled through the door. Two flights of stairs and a blue door with the happy number 5 greeted her. Luz stopped to stuff her bat and cigarettes back into the bottom of her backpack, then opened the door.
Her mamí was sitting on the couch, playing a game on her phone. Camila Noceda was a short, somewhat heavyset woman with brown skin. Her brown hair grew out in curls, a streak of gray running through it. Gold-rimmed glasses sat on her face, and she wore a dark green overshirt over her baby blue nursing scrubs. She looked up and gasped when she saw Luz's bruised face. "¡Ay Dios! ¡Mija! What happened to you?!"
"Took a bad fall," said Luz unconvincingly as Camila jumped to her feet and rushed to cradle Luz's face.
"Una mala caída… Luz, are you sure?"
"Yes, mamí. I'm sure," Luz lied. No sense in worrying her mother. She could take it.
Camila pursed her lips. Luz wasn't sure if she bought it, but Camila decided there were more important things to worry about. She hurried to the bathroom to get out the first-aid kit. Luz weakly tried to protest, but one look into Camila's eyes shut her up, and she sat down on the couch.
Camila returned and rubbed a stinging cream on Luz's cheek. Luz winced, but she knew that if she tried to protest, her mamí would respond with a lecture about every single ingredient used in the medicine and exactly how it was going to heal the bruise. And she'd be right. So Luz sat back and let Camila take care of her.
"Mmm, there. Anything else?" said Camila.
"Yeah. I have a cut right here," said Luz, lifting her shirt to show the wound she'd taken from the knife. It wasn't very deep, but nonetheless Camila sucked in a breath and put on a bandage. She took out her phone and shined the flashlight into Luz's eyes.
"I don't think you have a concussion. Somehow," said Camila.
"You know me, I've just got a hard noggin," said Luz, tapping her head.
Camila sighed. "Try to get some rest. Eat something, if you can." Luz nodded and sat next to her mother at the couch, absently rubbing at her head.
Eventually, the ringing subsided and Luz managed to bring herself to eat a banana. The smooth, cool fruit tasted good on her throat, laced with smoke from her cigarettes.
"So… how was school today?" Camila spoke up.
"Boring. How was work?" Luz deflected.
Camila smiled. "Oh, you won't believe it. This woman brought in a cat that had chased a snake, and gotten bitten! So I had to cross references from both animals to make an antivenom that was proper strength. It was fun!"
"What about the snake?" asked Luz.
Camila blinked. "The snake?"
"Yeah! What'd you do to help the snake? If it was close enough to bite the cat, it would've been close enough to get scratched!"
"No, Luz, nobody brought in the snake-"
"Why not?" Luz exclaimed. "Cats are mean bastards! If I was a snake and I got chased by a cat, I'd want a nice veterinarian to look after me!"
Camila paused, then chuckled. Luz joined in. Camila grabbed her daughter's face. "Hold on. Let me check again if you have a concussion."
"¡Mamí! ¡Suelta!"
They fell aside, laughing. After a minute, Camila stopped. "Hey… Luz. In the future, try to watch where you step, okay? Wouldn't want you to have a fall like that again."
"Claro, Mamí," said Luz. A conversation passed in the moments of silence after that exchange, then Luz smiled and walked across the small apartment into her room.
The apartment had three rooms- Luz's room, the living room, and a bathroom. A fridge and stove in the living room comprised their kitchen, and the couch pulled out into Camila's bed. Camila had her own room in their old apartment, which she had shared with… with him.
That was the past. It didn't matter anymore.
Luz's room had just enough space for her bed, crammed into the back of the room under the window. Glow-in-the-dark stars were stuck to the ceiling, most of their charge worn out. A broad plank nailed to the wall served as her desk, half-finished homework lying on it. A handful of fantasy books lay scattered throughout the room, and a bisexual pride flag hung from the wall. Beneath the mattress, hidden from Camila, lay several more packs of cigarettes.
Luz unfolded a plastic chair and sat down at her desk, beginning a drawing of a scythe-wielding schoolgirl locked in battle with several demons. The sun began to set over the rooftops. Absently, Luz heard Camila pacing around the apartment, talking to someone over her phone. The conversation got heated for a bit, then died down.
The door opened and Camila stuck her head in. "I've got some bad news, Luz. Someone brought in a dog with a broken leg, and Dr. Goldberg needs my help. I gotta go back to the clinic-"
"Oh, are you fucking kidding?!" Luz exclaimed. "That guy doesn't know how to put a bandage on a goldfish! He calls you for fucking everything!"
Camila winced. "Luz, he's not that bad-"
"Not that bad?! Mamí, he's taking advantage of you. Just because you're only an intern, he gets all the money for the work you do! You should be the vet, not him!"
"LUZ!" Camila snapped. "Don't talk that way about Dr. Goldberg. He's… just be patient. This is just the way things are right now, and we need to make the most of it."
Luz refrained from pointing out that her mamí was making excuses, and unrelated ones at that. How could her mamí be so smart about everything and yet not understand when she had to fight for something?
"If I start dinner now, I could make it to the clinic in about three hours-" Camila started.
"It's fine, mamí. Just go to the clinic. I can make dinner for myself," said Luz.
Camila paused. She had no doubt that Luz could take care of herself, but at this age, she shouldn't have to. Not yet. "It's not too much trouble-" she started to lie.
"Mamí," interrupted Luz, placing her hand on Camila's shoulder. "Go. This is more important."
Camila sighed and wrapped her fingers around Luz's warm hand. "I'll make it up to you, mija. What about pizza tomorrow night?"
"Mamí, it's fine, really. Just go," said Luz, laughing, as she pushed her mother away. Camila sighed, kissed Luz on the forehead, and closed the door. Luz heard her spend a few minutes getting ready, then the door slamming.
Luz knew that she wasn't as important as her mamí's job. She shouldn't be so selfish to expect special treatment. Yet somehow, it still hurt.
She flipped the page in her notebook and started a new drawing.
When Luz walked into physics class the next day, the teacher motioned to her to come to the desk. Luz sighed and prepared herself for another questioning about where had she been, didn't she understand how important her studies were, why wasn't she applying herself. Luz had heard it all before, and she'd hear it a thousand times again by the time she was through with this dump.
But this time, the teacher didn't start on any of that spiel. She simply said, voice bright and chirpy like this was some lovely little secret between us girls, "Ms. Noceda, the principal left a message for me. You're to report to his office first period. Did you not receive his email?"
Luz hadn't checked the school email they'd given her when she first stepped into the building in years. But she didn't say that. She just said no, and walked back out the door.
This wasn't the first time Luz had been called to the principal's office. Lectures about how she was missing classes and disappeared. Complaints about her from students that Luz had never seen before in her life. So she wasn't really surprised.
She stepped into the office and Principal Hal was glaring at her from his desk, his blonde hair slicked back, his suit as clean as his perfect milky skin. "Ms. Noceda. Have a seat." His voice was filled with anger, and while she'd heard him angry before, there was a hard edge to it this time that made her think something else was going on this time. Something worse than normal.
She took a seat.
Hal sighed, and took out a file. "You have never exactly been a model student. Missing many classes a week. Often turning up bruised or otherwise indecent. You carry a bat, despite not being on the baseball team."
"That's not against school rules," Luz tried to say.
"It doesn't send the appropriate message," Hal responded in a smooth voice for something he was making up as he talked. "You should act like a student, not like you're about to be attacked." Luz refrained from pointing out that she did get attacked somewhat frequently, and her bat was all that protected her. He'd just use it as more fuel for his fire. "And then there's all the reports about your… promiscuity."
Luz was unable to hold back her glower at that one. She had flirted with a couple of girls and a few dudes. Compared to how the boys talked nonstop about sex, or some of the girls who had been through half a dozen boyfriends, that was nothing. But of course, she was the one who was bisexual, so everything she did got reported as "sexy".
"I've been very lenient with you," said Hal. "When you started at our school two years ago, your father had died and I expected that you would grow out of this behavior. But you haven't, and your recent activities have crossed the line. Are you going to keep lying to me, or do I have to drag it out of you?"
Luz sat up, taken aback. "I mean… I skipped class yesterday, but other than that, I don't know what you're talking about. Genuinely, I truly do not know."
Hal sighed. "It's no use, Noceda. Both of us know the truth. You might as well stop lying."
"You might as well tell me what the heck you're talking about, 'cause I seriously have no idea."
"Very well," said Hal. "At least let it be said that I gave you a chance." Just like that gangster from yesterday, his voice sounded way too concerned to actually be concerned. Hal opened the file and took out a piece of paper. Luz looked at it. It was a photo of her, from around a month ago judging by her clothing. She was walking down the street, a cigarette trailing smoke from her mouth.
Luz raised an eyebrow. "I mean… it's a good picture of me, but I don't see what-"
"You're a smoker!" he shouted. "You will find, Ms. Noceda, that this school has a zero tolerance drug policy. I will not have you peddling poison to our students!"
"Wha- but this photo is outside of school!" Luz exclaimed. "I've never smoked in the building, you can't-"
"If you check the student handbook, I believe you'll find that I can," said Hal, a note of malice creeping into his voice. "This photo was sent in last night by a concerned student, and the school has full power to intervene in inter-student matters outside of school. As a result, Ms. Noceda, you are going to be expelled from Gravesfield High. Your mother has been notified, and will be arriving within the hour to discuss further disciplinary action."
Hal kept talking, but Luz barely heard his voice as more than a ringing in the air, the word Expelled, Expelled, Expelled seeming to dance around her, hammering themselves into her mind. It felt almost like a dream. This couldn't really be happening right now, could it?
Luz's brain filtered through the last few seconds. A concerned student… that meant someone had sent in that photo, just to incriminate her. She immediately began going through the options as to who it could've been. Suddenly, as if it was yesterday, the memory of Claire watching her as she walked to school while smoking jumped into her brain.
"¡Esa puta!" Luz snarled. Claire must have photographed her smoking and sent it in. Why she'd waited so long, Luz didn't know. Maybe she only felt the need now. She slammed her hands on Hal's desk. "I haven't hurt anyone! I haven't given anyone cigarettes! I haven't fucking done anything wrong! You're just doing this to get rid of me!"
Hal gazed at her impassively. "Ms. Noceda, calm yourself before I have you escorted out."
Luz felt anger rushing through her body, but with immense effort, she clamped her jaw shut and pulled her hands back. She knew he was just trying to wind her up and make her look worse. There wasn't much she could do at this point.
Hal gestured to the door. "Take a seat outside. Your mother will be coming shortly."
With a grunt, Luz stood up and stomped over to the door, a tinge of dark satisfaction touching her belly. She might be expelled, but Hal had made the wrong move by calling in Camila Noceda. Her mamí was going to read this coño the riot act for sure.
Luz sat in the waiting room. The chairs were surprisingly comfortable, for a room designed for troublemakers. The glass window between her and the principal's office made it feel a little like a prison cell, where she'd been arrested. Luz considered taking out her sketchbook, but she didn't feel like drawing. Instead, she took her bat out of its bag and a piece of sandpaper out of her backpack, and started to repair her weapon. She sanded off splinters from when she had hit those gangsters, and rewrapped the tape grip.
She heard a door swing open and saw a blurry form in blue clothing step into the principal's office. Luz's heart leapt into her throat as she realized it was Camila. Muffled conversation bubbled between Hal and Camila. A couple times it rose to shouts, and Luz felt a sense of fierce pride.
Eventually, the conversation died down and Camila's form moved towards the waiting room. Luz put away her bat, preparing to leave.
The door swung open. Camila walked in, her eyes red with tears. "L-Luz?" she said, her voice shaking in a way Luz had never heard before. "Is it… true? A-are you really smoking?"
Something seemed to tear at Luz's gut when she heard Camila's voice. "Si, mamí, pero-"
Camila broke when she heard those words. She sobbed, her body shaking, tears rolling down her face. She felt light-headed and reached out to the wall to steady herself. Luz stepped forward to try to support her mother up, but Camila's hand pushed her back. Luz stood there, stunned, her hand touching the place where Camila had shoved her.
Camila spoke, her voice hoarse. "How… could you?"
"Mamí-"
"H-how could you DO THAT!? You lied straight to my face, f-for- for I don't know how long- about something th-that was illegal! Did you just decide to ignore the law?! I-I'm hearing all these things about you- sleeping around, skipping so many classes, getting into fights- it's like I don't even know you anymore, Luz! Don't you understand that this is wrong?!"
Luz staggered back, Camila's words hitting her like daggers, hurting more than any fight she'd ever been in. She wanted to cry, but somehow the tears weren't coming, as if her eyes couldn't muster up the energy. "N-no, mamí, it's not true! Not all of it! Don't believe Hal, he's-"
"And why," said Camila, her voice wracked with sorrow and grief, "Should I believe you?"
Luz couldn't answer.
"I just can't believe that you would turn out like this," said Camila. She turned to walk out of the room, and Hal stepped up and placed his hand on her back, his face comforting. Luz met his eye and saw a satisfied glint as he gazed at her and her heartbroken mother. This is what happens when you step out of line, his face said.
Luz wanted to get angry, she wanted to grab her bat and beat his fucking face in until he was begging her to stop. But her heart just wouldn't add anger to fill in the aching void in her gut. Even that, even finding a single target to lash out at, was too much. It was all Luz could do not to throw up where she stood.
The rest of the meeting and the car ride back home were a blur. All Luz remembered was how Camila barely looked at her the entire time. Hal might've brought out some paperwork, but for the life of her, Luz couldn't remember what it was.
They arrived back at their apartment by midday. Wordless, both of them stepped in the door. Immediately, Camila went for the couch while Luz stumbled into her room, locking her door behind her. She collapsed to the bed, utterly spent.
Now at last the tears came, running down her face and shaking her body. She could barely believe it. She had disappointed her mamí worse than ever before. She'd gotten expelled from Gravesfield High, and Hal and Claire and all the rest had gotten away with everything. Luz was barely cognizant of the fact that she was sobbing so hard she was coughing up bile. Wasn't that just like her? All she could do was hurt everyone around her.
Eventually, her crying ceased. Slowly, Luz sat up. She reached into her mattress and brought out one of her packets of cigarettes. She'd never smoked in the house before, but she figured it didn't matter at this point.
Luz took a good, long drag from the cigar and immediately felt better as the nicotine filled her brain. She coughed as the smoke tickled the back of her throat and took another drag. As clouds of smoke filled the room, Luz felt her overwhelming grief fade away, replaced with a numb calm.
Night had fallen by the time Luz heard movement again. Four knocks sounded on the door. "Luz, can I come in?" came Camila's voice.
Luz. Not mija.
"I'm smoking," said Luz, her voice flat and dead.
There was silence, then Camila's footsteps retreated.
Luz opened her window and the smoke slowly poured out into the cold black sky. Once her room was clear of smoke, Luz got up and walked to the door. She grasped the doorknob and paused for a moment, resting her head against the door. Then slowly, she pushed it open.
Luz walked out into the living room and saw Camila seated at their small table. Wordlessly, she pulled out a chair and sat before her mother.
Camila sighed. "Luz, estoy furiosa contigo ahorita. But we have bigger things to worry about right now. You've been expelled from school."
"Summer's only a couple of weeks from now," said Luz. "What does it matter?"
"It matters because getting expelled is going to leave a black mark on your record. And Principal Hal said that he'd send recommendations that you be assigned to… to schools for troubled children."
Luz let out a bark of laughter. It hurt in her chest, a dull throbbing pain. "Even after he expelled me, he's still doing everything he can to ruin my life."
"No, Luz!" Camila said hurriedly. "There's another way. Principal Hal-"
"Why are you still calling him 'principal'? He's not my principal anymore!" Luz interjected.
"Don't interrupt me!" snapped Camila, her voice cracking in the middle of the sentence.
Luz hated this, she hated that whenever she opened her mouth all that came out was anger. She didn't want to hurt her mother, but it felt like she had nothing left. She barely even felt the passion of her voice.
Camila went on. "Principal Hal said that he wouldn't send out that recommendation if we took action ourselves." She reached into her pocket and handed Luz a brochure that Luz vaguely remembered seeing Hal give Camila. The brochure showed a tall white building with statues of lions carved into the roof, standing under a blue sky. A tall metal fence wrapped around the base of the building, tactfully angled at the bottom of the picture. Written on top of the brochure were the words Paul Stearne Reparative Institute for Criminal Youth.
Luz stared at the brochure. And stared.
"You'd be spending your summer there. I looked at their website, and they offer behavioral therapy, religious ministry, and an hour of free time each day. You'd be spending the whole time with people just like you, Luz! This could be a new start-"
"What the fuck?!" Luz burst out. Cold anger flowed into her veins like a gentle stream, seizing her tongue and forcing out words before she had even thought them. "Reparative institute?! This isn't some kind of fucking summer camp, mom! This is a juvie detention center with a fancy name! Places like this don't help kids heal, they just beat them until they can't walk and call it a learning experience!"
"I told you not to interrupt me-"
"Is this really what you fucking want? Just send me away for two months so some fucking strangers can mold me into a perfect little doll for you to play dress up with?!"
"What else would you have me do?!" Camila burst out. "You chose to smoke and cut classes. You became this… this other person, and I don't think I like them very much. You got expelled, and you brought it on yourself."
"No, I DIDN'T!" Luz snapped. "I did things that were wrong, yes, but they're just expelling me because they don't like me! I never smoked in the building, I didn't sleep around, and my grades aren't good, but they're not bad either! Hal's just exploiting a loophole. Because another student sent him the photo, he calls me smoking an 'inter-student conflict' so he can kick me out! I'm sorry I lied to you, but I'm not some sort of crook!"
She paused, out of breath. Camila stared down at her, expression stoic. After a minute, she said "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, Luz. But unfortunately, that doesn't really matter-"
"It doesn't matter?!" Luz exclaimed. "How can it not fucking matter?!"
"Luz, don't swear!" Camila barked. She sighed. "And what I was saying was… no, it doesn't matter. If you want to get into another high school, you need to go to this facility. And moreover, you have to give up these bad habits of yours, Luz. If you go without addressing them, they'll come back over and over, until you're left a dead-end burnout with no college degree." She stood up. "So. You will be spending the summer at the Paul Stearne Institute. And I want you to give me your bat and your cigarettes."
The words dug into Luz's nervous system like daggers of fear. "My… my bat and cigs?"
"Yes," said Camila. Her voice was shaky as she attempted a firm tone, but her eyes were steely.
"What are you going to do with them?" said Luz.
"I'm going to throw them in the trash. They're only enabling your behavior."
It was like a trapdoor opened up in Luz's stomach. She felt her guts plummeting into an endless void, her mind racing. She remembered her dad teaching her to swing that bat, before he got sick. It had carried her through fight after fight in the streets. And her cigarettes were almost like the ADHD medication she used to take when she was a kid and they had insurance. They kept her brain focused, stopped her thoughts from wandering.
And her mamí was just going to… throw all that away?
Wordless, Luz got up and walked into her room. She dug into her mattress, pulling out the four packets of cigarettes she had left and tucking them under her arm. Then she picked up her bat by the grip. The bat-bag slid off of it and collapsed to the floor. Luz didn't pick it up. Not much point.
When she returned to the living room, Camila was already standing next to the trash can. Her smile was warm, encouraging, and a sharp contrast to the fierce argument they had just devolved into.
Luz slowly walked toward her mother, preparing to hand over her security blankets. It felt a little like waiting to have an infected limb amputated. The trashcan was just sitting there, and yet it looked like the most terrifying thing Luz had ever seen.
Camila placed her hand on Luz's shoulder. "You've done the right thing," she said.
Luz took a deep breath.
And then she spun around and ran for the door, throwing it open with her shoulder and sprinting into the hallway. Camila's wordless shout of dismay and call to stop washed over her like a shivering ripple in a pond: acknowledged, but barely affecting anything below the surface. Luz scrambled down the stairs, her bomber jacket billowing behind her, shoes clomping on the steps. She faintly heard Camila's feet padding behind her, but her mamí was quickly outpaced as Luz reached the ground floor. Throwing open the door, she sprinted out into the street.
Luz ran into the night, nearly dropping one of her packs of cigarettes. All the world seemed to blur around her. Nothing existed but her feet against the pavement, nothing mattered but running as far away from that place as she could. She occasionally turned down branches in the streets, barely conscious of where she was going.
Her lungs began to burn, but Luz kept running even as fatigue tugged at her limbs. Turning into an alley, she collapsed to the ground, utterly spent. Her cigarettes and bat clattered to the floor.
Luz lay there for a moment, in the dark night, the concrete cold beneath her. Then, she surged to her feet, seized her bat, and swung it into the air, ready to smash it to splinters against the wall. Before she could swing, she stopped and dropped it back to the ground. Luz fell to her knees and sobbed, her tears splashing on the pavement.
She fumbled for a cigarette and opened one of her packets, but realized she didn't have a lighter. Luz let out a broken laugh, sitting there in the alley. At home in the trash where she belonged.
Suddenly, Luz heard a strange crackling sound, and a hissing. A bright white light shone outside of the alley. Luz looked out and beheld what seemed to be a door, attached to nothing and simply sitting on the sidewalk. It was made of very old-looking brown wood, but the strangest thing about it had to be the massive yellow eye growing out of it. It almost looked like it was biological.
The door swung open, showing a brown void with blue and yellow ripples spreading over it, pockmarked by tiny white lights. With a crackling noise like ozone, someone stepped through. They wore a brown cloak that hid their appearance from view. Luz watched as they hurried into a shop.
Luz stared at the door, fascinated. She hadn't seen anyone behind it. Stepping forward, she stuck her hand into the void and it disappeared. Luz felt a strange, tingling, almost watery sensation pass over the limb. She pulled her hand out and stepped back. Nothing happened.
Luz felt a rush of excitement come over her. Whatever this was, it was like nothing she'd ever seen before. Maybe even something… magical.
She had spent many a childhood afternoon looking for rabbit holes (none in the city), or investigating suspicious wardrobes (usually cabinets that had been put out on the sidewalk). Never had she actually found any magic, so she had to content herself with her books. But this? This was real. It was happening before her eyes.
Luz walked back into the alley. She stuffed the four packets of cigarettes in the pockets of her bomber jacket and her jeans. Then she grabbed her baseball bat and walked up to the door.
She looked over her shoulder. Was she really going to do this? Luz tightened her grip on her bat.
She remembered how her mom had told her to throw it away, how she didn't want her anymore.
Luz clamped her jaw shut and stepped forward, disappearing into the rippling void. The door slammed shut behind her.