Dear Diary,

So I maaaayyy have almost accidentally killed Willow. But I also think that we might be starting to become friends again?

Okay, I know those are two VERY different statements, but I swear they both are true.

It all started at school earlier when Boscha and I were walking to the cafeteria. Classes had just been dismissed for the lunch break, and we were passing the photography classroom when I saw it- the last photo I took with Willow. It was the one I took with her at my birthday party, where I'm hugging her so tight that I thought we would explode.

I hadn't seen that photo in ages. There was no mistaking my natural brown hair, my bangs pulled up into a little ponytail, like the style I usually wear now. I realized that I haven't had it that color for at least a good eight years, since mom started dyeing it green to match hers. Little did I know that the photo was taken moments before disaster, or that it would be but a memory of one of the last times that I was truly happy, at least for a few years.

And now, it was just hanging out in the open for the entire school to see! Yes, there were a bunch of other photos hanging next to it, but people would surely recognize me, and start asking questions that I knew I couldn't face myself enough to answer.

I've never told Boscha and Skara how close I used to be with Willow. As far as they know, I invited her to that fateful party out of pity, as a charity case to make my parents look good somehow. They knew we were somewhat friendly, but not to the extent we really were. But, I invited her on my own fruition, against my parents' wishes. She was my best friend, how was I not supposed to?

You know, the only reason I've talked down on her all these years is to protect myself. As vain as it seems, I know that I would face backlash from so many people if I didn't just nod and agree with what they were saying about. But that doesn't mean that I liked doing it. There were some times where I would slyly try to stick up for her, and sometimes it worked. Like this morning, after Skara invited Boscha and I to her birthday party. We were walking to our first class of the day when we saw Willow and Luz doing something dorky with their thumbs, and that led to Boscha doing a really mean impression of Willow (right in front of her, no less). That led to Skara asking me if we used to be friends. After a slight jump, I said that my family only associates with a select few, and told her that number would dwindle if she kept asking dumb questions like that. She backed off after that, but what everyone (including myself) was saying still stung.

So when I saw that photo, I knew I couldn't just leave it there. I told Boscha that I saw a really cute ghost, and that I wanted to talk to them. I closed the door so that "we could have some privacy" and left her outside asking me to ask them if they had any cute friends.

That girl is beyond gullible. Honestly, I have no clue how she didn't see the pictures, I didn't do that good of a job covering her eyes.

When I got to Willow's station, I stood and admired some of the old photos. There were some I vaguely remembered seeing in her house, like the one where she had a bad hair day just in time for class photos and a few portraits with her dads. But of course, the one that stood out to me the most was the one of us. I think one of her dads took it, it was such a nice moment.

And I felt so awful about what I had to do to it.

With one last bit of remorse, I conjured a bright purple flame, and burned me out of the picture. After I made sure the flame was out, I stuck it back on the line with the others, and began to walk out of the room to meet up with Boscha in the cafeteria.

Then, I started hearing crackling. I knew it couldn't be good.

I turned around to see that the photo had been ignited once more, and my futile attempt to blow it out only led to the rest of them catching too. In my haste (and guilt, and stupidity), I forgot that fire and paper aren't friends. I tried to extinguish the flames, but to no avail.

Suddenly, Luz and Willow's friend Gus busted through the classroom door, acting like a news reporter who just got the latest scoop. Behind him was Luz dragging a really disoriented looking Willow in with her. She kinda looked like dad that time he drank too much of the "adult" apple blood. Luz instantly ran up to me and asked if I had burned Willow's memories.

So that's what they were...

HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THEY WERE HER MEMORIES? I truly thought they were paper photos that she had brought in to be developed, I don't know what classes she takes! Its's not like she would tell me about them! And I tried to save as many as I could, but some of them just burnt up in my hands, almost like I myself was the flame.

I've never seen Luz that upset before. I've seen her sad or slightly dejected every once and a while, but she's usually so happy-go-lucky that those moments fade in comparison. And the fact that I was the one who did it to her struck something in me, another layer of guilt to add to the situation.

And in the midst of her delusion, Willow said something that really hurt me. She said something about us being good friends. I know she wasn't in the right state of mind to be saying anything really, but I was glad that the torment I helped put her through was momentarily forgotten, part of me hoped that those memories wouldn't return.

Anyways, Luz brought me, Willow, and Gus back to her house. We had to sneak out of school, but we had no other choice in the state Willow was in. She said Eda would know what to do, and there's no way anyone would get in serious trouble since no teachers would find out. She cast a nasty glance over at me as she said that last part, I knew I deserved it.

Luckily, I was able to text Emira on the way to have her and Edric cover for me. I told her there was an issue with an old friend (leaving out the details about who it was and that I caused it, I didn't need any more people knowing what I did) and that I absolutely had to leave and help them. Em told me she would try to wipe any messages mom got from the school from her scroll before she could read them, but that I owed her big time.

When we got to the house, the demon on her door greeted us in its shrill, rather annoying voice. I don't know how Luz lives with it 24/7, I would have tried snapping its neck less than a week into living there. The inside of the house, though, was a lot homier than I expected. The walls were adorned with paintings and photos, some from the Demon Realm and some from the Human Realm. The only reason I figured out that some of them weren't from our realm was because there were a lot of frames with random families in them, none of them looking like they were connected to Luz or Eda. There was also a lot of human stuff laying around the house. I didn't recognize a lot of things, it was almost walking into a bizarro world. I wonder if that's what it's like for Luz to be here.

When Eda found us later, she started telling us about how the slightest alterations to someone's memory can change them forever. She said that Willow may never be the same person that she was when she woke up this morning. Meanwhile, Willow was on the couch and alternating between carelessly flopping around and trying to skin King (she said something about a furry fruit).

Maybe it was my guilt gnawing away at me, but I think I was actually intimidated by Eda. We've met before, and she seemed pretty nice when we talked to each other at the Knee a few weeks ago. But today, I knew she wasn't happy with me, and rightfully so. She towered over me, something I didn't really notice when we were both sinking into the snow. I put on a brave face, but the inner me was cowering.

Luz asked if there was anything we could do to help Willow, and Eda said that Luz could go into her mind to fix everything, and that she would have to bring someone else in with her. Gus was too worried about an assignment, King was sleeping, and Eda needed to stay out with Willow in case we needed to be pulled out of her mind. So that left me.

Oh joy.

I told Luz that Willow probably wouldn't want me in there. Obviously, she knew we had some bad blood between us. But, Luz didn't know our past, and I was so embarrassed at the thought of potentially having to show it to her. She's seen what I'm capable of, both the good and the nasty, and I just didn't want her to form any worse of an opinion of me than she may have already had.

But, Luz told me that I had to be the one to help her. She said I was the one who caused this mess in the first place, so I had to be the one to help fix it.

And she was right.

So with no further hesitations, I reached out to her extended hand and took it, ready to face not only what I had just done to Willow, but whatever she might remember from when we were going up. Eda gave us a bell to ring if we needed her help, and told us to look out for an "inner Willow", someone in her brain who may wanna help us.

I hoped she did, if she even knew I was in there.

Before I had a chance to back out, Luz and I were surrounded by a tall pillar of light and transported into Willow's mind. Once inside, we were greeted by a blinding white light, which led to Willow's mindscape. I didn't know what one would look like before we went in, but I could instantly tell that Willow's was hers. It was a beautiful forest filled with what felt like thousands of trees, all of them having a large frame that led into her memories nailed onto them. Luz and I began to look around, and she found one of the first memories we fixed on her own. I turned around to find her, thinking I lost her, and then she pulled me into it.

We landed hard onto the shore of Lake Lacuna, where Willow and I used to take swimming lessons together. But, it didn't exactly look like the beautiful lake I remembered. The skies were gray and full of ash, undoubtedly because of what I did. The fort we built the day we skipped out on swim lessons was still standing, but the little flag I remembered making was missing. Luckily, I found it in the sand, and I smiled as I put it back in its rightful place.

Almost as quickly as we went in there, we were pulled back out. The memory was restored! Luz and I watched it play back, and saw us accidentally get attacked by seagulls after Willow's illusion spell failed. It's kind of funny getting to see it again now that I'm older, but I still wish it worked. I remember the water being extra cold that day, and it was not fun to be swimming in.

I explained to Luz that Willow was a bit of a late bloomer when it came to controlling her magic, and Luz said she knew it, but that she's a "great bloomer" now that she's switched to the plant track. I wished I could tell Willow I actually felt, especially after seeing what she did that first day Luz was snuck in.

Ignoring my cringe at the pun she made, Luz suggested we hop into another photo, specifically the one that I wanted to hide from everyone. Like Boscha, I couldn't let her see the memory, rather what was inside it. I know what she saw on the surface, but it still hurts me to even think about what happened after the hug, and I didn't want her to see it too.

Trying to create a diversion, I led her to a memory of Willow on school picture day, on the pretense that it could be about a crush. Buying into my lie, she followed me into the photo. Obviously, I knew it wasn't, I remember what Boscha did to her that day.

Willow was gushing over her outfit and her new haircut, and was excitedly talking with some of the other students in our class about their outfits. But Boscha, being the jealous witch she is, decided to send one of my mini abominations after her when I left my bag unattended. Willow didn't see it, so she ended up tripping over it, messing up her outfit and hair, and how she landed garnered her a few scratches on her face and arms. Her look was effectively ruined, and I remember her running off and crying in the bathroom. Luckily, Luz and I came in after this point, and found the hairbrush and mirror that had fallen off of her desk. We put them back on her desk, and were soon taken back into her mindscape. While Luz went to go find the next memory to fix, I finished watching the end of that memory. A grey blob that was supposed to be a younger me passed by her desk and dropped a few bandages off without anyone noticing. She returned to the desk shortly after, noticed the supplies, and tried to fix herself up the best she could.

I couldn't help but smile at my younger self, trying to be there for Willow despite what my parents wanted and what my "friends" might have thought of me. It's more than my current self could do. Willow was unrightfully humbled that day, and she's shown time and time again since then just how strong she is. Hell, she's stronger than me sometimes, in all aspects.

Luz called me over to another tree, and we hopped in and fixed a few more memories. We rebuilt a swing set that Willow's dads made for her, reshelved some romance novels at the library (that was the day the librarian caught us in the teen section), and fixed a sign on the rollerghoster at the carnival. We were poofed out before we saw how that memory ended, and I had to tell her that Willow threw up a lot that day, but it was how I knew she was having fun.

I don't know what came over me in that moment, but I felt a frown replace the smile I had while reminiscing on the day at the fair. Noticing my change in demeanor, Luz asked if I was okay. I told her that I was, but that I couldn't believe that I almost erased all of her memories. That wasn't that full reason for my frown, but I still wasn't ready to tell her. Regardless, she reassured me that we were getting the hang of fixing everything, and she said she wouldn't stop until everything was back to normal.

She made me repeat after her and say that "we can fix this together". For some reason, when I did, I almost couldn't meet her eye. And I felt a dumb grin spread across my face and my cheeks redden. Could this mean... no no no, that's not it. It was just a sweet and dorky thing to do, that's all.

Anyways, we were talking about Willow and I's past, and I thought I saw something back in the forest. It looked a bright pink blob, it almost looked like it was on fire. But by the time Luz turned around, it vanished. She thought that I was using it as an excuse to not talk about the matter at hand. While it was a great idea for a diversion, I knew I saw something!

Shortly after, Luz hopped into the memory of Willow and I in the field of eggs. I told her it was a long story of how we ended up in there, but I explained it while we were wading through the mess. Willow and I went to go pick some apples and lumpkins together for the fall solstice. On the way there, we stumbled upon the patch of eggs, and Willow started talking about how she wanted a sibling, but since her dads couldn't really give her one, they were thinking of getting a pet of some sort. Willow had the bright idea that if she brought them this pet of an indeterminate species, they would let her keep it. I found what I thought would be the perfect pet, something enclosed in a bright blue egg. But, when the egg's mom came around, she wasn't too happy to see us, so we ran deep into the forest until we hit the market we were initially going to. We ended up losing the beast, but Willow didn't end up getting her pet that day. To try and make her feel better, I stopped by the face painting booth while she was looking at some lumpkins and got some whiskers painted on, along with a pink nose. I met back up with her in the patch, my new look cracking Willow up. Her infectious laughter soon had us both bent over laughing with tears streaming down our faces, nearly ruining the fresh paint on mine.

Soon, Luz found the egg that was away from its siblings and placed it back into the nest, and we were transported back into Willow's mindscape. I said that we were getting pretty good at fixing the memories, and Luz saw that we only had one left to do- that one. The one that Luz said I was "suspiciously avoiding". She wasn't wrong about that, but that didn't stop me from wanting to ring the bell so that Eda would bring us out of Willow's mind and back to the Owl House. Luz figured out that there must have been a reason why I didn't want us to go into the memory. She tried to calm me down, and reminded me that she was in there with me to help Willow, not to judge me. Aside from the idea of her seeing that one memory, I don't know what set me off, but I kinda snapped on Luz. I told her that she's only in here to pry into her friend's lives, and that maybe what happened to Willow wasn't any of her business.

Before I had a chance to apologize for lashing out on Luz, we both began to smoke. I saw the pink figure again, and now it was the one setting everything in Willow's mind on fire. We tried to get Eda's attention, but Luz told me that sometimes she isn't too reliable. The pink thing charged out of a memory, and we watched which ones it went into. We saw it go into the egg patch and the carnival, but noticed that the ones with her dads and her other friends remained untouched.

Luz was the one to figure it out. It was after me. And, while I didn't show it when I was with Luz, rightfully so.

Luz had the idea of hopping back into the memory of us at Lake Lacuna, and I thought she was crazy. I knew I was in there, so what sense did it make for me to go in? She had to shove me into the photo, and when I landed, I saw her drawing a huge glyph on the ground. When she stomped on it, a huge tube of ice emerged, just in time for the fire monster to hop into the photo after us. It slipped on the ice and slid into the lake, the cold water extinguishing its flames. Luz called victory a tad too early, and pulled me into a hug. I felt my cheeks go red again, and I couldn't bring myself to hug her back. I was too focused on the lake, where I saw the *thing* walking out of it and towards us. Once the steam cleared, I could see the figure, a girl surrounded by bright pink flames. She was the one thing aside from the photo that I secretly hoped we didn't encounter.

The inner Willow.

She was the angriest I've ever seen her. Scratch that, I don't actually think I've seen her angry. And she wasn't just angry, she was RAGING. Every step she took left a scorch mark on the sand, and she shot blasts of flames from her hands, burning anything in her path.

And it was all because of me.

Luz and I begged her to stop, and I told Willow that she's only hurting her physical self. She scoffed at us, and asked me if I had figured out what she was doing. She kept saying that her destruction was what I wanted, so she decided to show me where it all began. She pulled me into the memory, and Luz came flying in behind me (literally, she slammed into the wall. I know that had to hurt). It took me a second to figure it out, but we landed in my bedroom. It looked mostly the same as what it is now, except for a few photos and posters. Willow followed us in and cast an illusion of the moments right after the photo was taken.

I didn't want Luz to see it, and I sure as hell didn't want to relive it myself. But there was no stopping her.

It started with me walking into my room, telling her she had to leave my party. She kept asking me why, but I just couldn't come up with a good enough answer. She asked if it was because of what happened at our swimming lessons, and she kept apologizing for not being able to get the spells right. Finally being able to latch on to that idea as an excuse, I told her she was right. I told her she was a weakling, and that I didn't want to be her friend anymore because of that. She then broke her illusion, and I watched our younger selves fade into nothingness.

She brought us up to speed, as if I didn't know where our story was at this point. She wanted to erase the "pain" I had caused her, meaning me. If I was out of her sight, then I could just as easily be out of her mind, after all. She cast a circle of flames around my feet, ready to engulf me in them.

And I was so ready to accept my fate. Until I realized she didn't know the whole story.

I'm so lucky Willow is as forgiving as she is, I asked her to wait so I could tell her what had happened just before I turned on her. We saw my parents, asking why Willow was even at the party in the first place. I told them she was my best friend, and that I would, of course, invite her. My parents then said that I could choose a new friend from the "suitable companions" they arranged for me to hang out with. I tried to fight back and tell them that I shouldn't have to be friends with them just because their parents are their business partners. They've always been mean, and the prospect of even talking to them hurt me. At least, up until they threatened to bar Willow from enrolling in Hexside if I didn't stop being her friend.

That thought hurt even more.

I knew I was in a lose-lose situation, but I would NEVER want to put Willow's future in jeopardy like that. I knew what I had to do.

The door closed on that part of the memory, leaving Willow to reevaluate everything that had happened to us since that "fight".

Since we were alone, I finally had the opportunity to apologize. I told her that she was never too weak to be my friend, but that I was too weak to be hers. I never had the guts to tell her what truly happened, and I know it was an apology that was long overdue. While I told her that I could never take back the awful things I had said or done over the past few years, I vowed to her that I would never let Boscha and her friends bully her ever again.

To seal the deal, I faked ripping the invitation to Skara's birthday party (I couldn't actually bring myself to do it because it was still alive, how did she even manage to get live butterflies in the first place?)

Regardless, Willow took my hand and accepted my apology. She said that her physical being deserved to keep all the memories she had of us together, both the good and the bad.

When she said that last part, I nearly burst out crying. I told her I thought so too.

Luz stepped in and said that we still had a few memories to fix, and asked if we could finish what we came in to do. Willow let us back into her mindscape, and we returned the final memories back to their normal state. The forest was a lot brighter and prettier than when we came in, I think that meant she was back to her usual happy, caring self.

We were about to have Eda take us back to reality when we heard a rustling behind us. Willow walked out from behind one of the many trees, leading along the younger version of herself. The girl I made some of my most cherished memories, as well as some of the worst ones, with. I waved goodbye to them, and in her true younger (klutzier) fashion, she bumped into a tree as she turned around.

When they were gone, Luz asked me if Willow and I were friends again. I told her that I didn't know. That was one of the first times I told her the whole truth all day. Honestly, it was up to Willow to decide whether or not we were okay again. I said everything I had to say, and her inner self seemed to accept my words. I hoped that meant the physical Willow did the same. Luz suggested we go see if we were. She rung the bell, signaling Eda to release us back to the real world.

When we were back in the Owl House, we saw Willow waking up. Luz asked her if she knew who she was. She jokingly said that she was a friendly scarecrow, but revealed that her memory was indeed back. Luz ran up to Willow and gave her one of the biggest hugs I've ever seen. Leaving me awkwardly standing alone by the door, I took it as my cue to leave. I couldn't bring myself to say anything to Willow, despite what we had just done. I had no idea of what I could say, really. It's not like we were strangers, but we definitely had a lot to relearn about each other.

As I was leaving Luz's house, Willow stopped me and said that she remembered what I did in her mind too, and said that while she wasn't immediately ready to jump back into our friendship, today was a start. I offered a smile and wave, and I left to walk home, ready to face whatever mom and dad wanted to yell at me about and reflect on what had just happened.

At this point, all I can say is that I really do hope we can rekindle our friendship. These last few years without her in my life have truly been awful. I felt like I had no one to turn to when things got rough, no one to support me. And I know Willow had to feel the same way, if not worse due to the added abuse from me and the girls I was forced to call my friends.

Today taught me that I need to start reevaluating who I call my friends. I can't appease everyone, and like I wrote a few weeks ago, I need to start looking out for myself. The girls I hang out with do nothing but drag me and anyone else they talk to down. It's not fair to anyone! They say it's all jokes, but there's always a truth to them. Like I told Skara, Blights only associate with a select few. And I need to select fewer.

I don't know if Willow deserves me in her life, but she does deserve someone there for her, and I'm so glad Luz and Gus are taking that spot. I know that everything that happened since that birthday party is kinda my fault, but I still missed my best friend. I can't wait to see if we can get back to where we were.

Hopeful and nostalgic,
Amity

Boom, a 5.1k word chapter! I seriously don't know how I wrote this much, but I'm not complaining. I have a future chapter already written out, and I thought it was going to be the longest chapter, but nope! This one will probably be, if not the Grom chapter. Speaking of Grom, Lumity lovers, I think you'll be in for a treat for the next few chapters! As always, I hope you enjoyed!