A/N: Once again, many thanks to LivBensonStabler for not only previewing this for me ahead of time, but for being my sounding board during our many late night chats.
Disclaimer: SVU and all of its characters were created by and are the property of Dick Wolf. I make no profit with this story, which is my own original work.
Elliot turned onto the street toward the cottage, his heart feeling lighter than it had since Olivia had kicked him out two days ago. Granted, she hadn't exactly asked him to move back in yet, but she had been willing to see him, and he considered that progress. She'd even seemed to show an interest in breakfast, going so far as to request her favorite – a cinnamon raisin bagel.
He hoped that the previous night had been good to her. Those three hours he had stayed on the phone while she had slept, listening to her steady breathing, had brought him a calm that he hadn't had in years.
It had broken his heart when her peaceful slumber had been shattered by that nightmare, but his faith had been restored when she'd realized he was still there. Instead of yelling at him again for invading her space, she had seemed grateful and relieved. Granted, he still hoped for a time when she would feel confident in sharing her fears with him, but he fully understood her hesitancy.
As he parked next to Olivia's SUV, Elliot couldn't shake the feeling of dread that had settled in his gut out of nowhere. He had initially attributed it to his nerves, but now he was certain it was something more. Retirement had not erased that innate sixth sense he'd relied on for so many years while on the job. Grabbing the bag that contained their breakfast, he climbed out of his vehicle. Squaring his shoulders, he hoped it was just his mind playing tricks on him, as he had believed that by the time he had arrived, Olivia would have changed her mind about seeing him. He was almost to the gate when he heard a voice behind him, and turned to see Owen approaching.
"Good morning, Elliot. I didn't think I was going to see you today. I was just coming over to check on Olivia before I went to work. I couldn't help but notice that she went for a run this morning, but Stacy needed my help with something, so I don't know how long she was away."
"Dammit, Olivia."
Elliot cursed softly under his breath, though he wasn't really angry at the woman who he was about to see. Truth be told, he understood her need to do something. In his first months of sobriety, whenever the memories of the shooting at the station would resurface, he'd been the same way. The only difference was his method of coping had been lifting weights.
"Did she at least stay inside yesterday, as you suggested?"
"Yes. I stopped by then, too. I checked her blood pressure, and even brought over a tortellini salad that Stacy had made."
Owen was torn over just how much to reveal about the events that had transpired the day before. He was worried for Olivia's safety, but at the same time, did not want to betray her confidence. If he should tell Elliot what had happened, and the man were to confront her about it, would it make the situation worse? Ultimately deciding that someone in Olivia's life needed to be made aware of just how precarious her mental health was, Owen decided he would tell the truth. If he were in the same position – and he once had been – he'd want someone to do the same for him.
"There was something that happened, though, on the beach. I wasn't trying to spy, I promise."
Elliot's brow furrowed with concern as he nodded, indicating that the other man should continue.
"I was in the yard when she took off yesterday afternoon, and she seemed distracted, so I followed her. I kept a distance, and for awhile, it just seemed like she was going to sit on the sand and watch the waves. But the next thing I knew -"
"She was in the ocean."
Elliot finished the sentence, his voice filled with pain and anguish. He didn't even have to look at Owen for confirmation, the memories of having seen a drenched Olivia after he had pulled her back through the window were already flooding his mind. He didn't want to believe it though, even if the truth was staring him in the face.
The two men walked together toward the door of the cottage, the quiet morning stillness of the neighborhood falling into place around them once more. Elliot raised his hand to knock, but then thought better of it, removing his phone from his pocket and calling the woman inside instead so that he wouldn't startle her.
He didn't think anything of the fact that his first call had gone unanswered, figuring that perhaps Olivia had been in the other room, and simply hadn't heard it ring. But when the second, third, and even fourth calls had all gone to voicemail, that nagging feeling in his gut returned, and his heart began to pound in his chest. Knowing that he would feel like the biggest asshole on the planet if he ended up triggering a flashback, but ultimately concerned for Olivia's well being, Elliot reached out and tested the knob, only to find that the door was securely locked.
Pressing his ear up against the door, he tried to discern if he could hear anything on the other side. The noise that echoed back was faint, but he could just barely make it out. If he was correct in his guess, it was the whistling of the tea kettle – and it, too, was being ignored. Something was wrong.
"We have to get inside. Something's not right, I know it. Fuck! She made me leave my key when she kicked me out the other day. I guess I'll have to break the door down."
As Elliot prepared to do just that, Owen put his hand on his shoulder to stop him.
"Wait, I have a key."
Producing his key ring from his pocket, Owen quickly flipped through it until he found the designated one, and hurriedly shoved it in the lock. Seconds later, both men were propelling themselves through the door, calling for Olivia. The paper bag that Elliot had brought with him- both a peace offering and a breakfast – now lay forgotten on the front lawn, no longer important.
Not wanting to intrude, Owen suggested Elliot check on Olivia while he silenced the screaming of the kettle. The two split up, Elliot racing for the stairs as Owen neared the kitchen. As he rounded the island counter and headed toward the stove, he stopped dead in his tracks.
"Elliot! She's in here!"
Heart in his throat, Elliot raced toward the kitchen. He had no memory of how he'd gotten back down the stairs so fast, nor did he care. The tone in Owen's voice had clearly proven that his instincts had been right. Even though he wasn't consciously aware of it, he was continually repeating a prayer in the back of his mind that Olivia would be all right, as though it were a mantra.
When he arrived mere seconds later, he found what amounted to be his worst nightmare come true. Owen was crouched on the floor over an unresponsive Olivia, and she was bleeding from an apparent head injury.
"Is she -"
Elliot couldn't bring himself to say the word, fear and dread gnawing at his stomach so severely now that he thought he might be sick. He wasn't even sure of the last time he had actually taken a breath. He wouldn't breathe again until he heard Owen say that Olivia was still alive.
"She's alive. Her pulse is weak, but steady, and her breathing is even. We're going to need an ambulance though."
"I'll call."
"Let me. Just stay with her, in case she wakes up. Keep holding pressure on that head wound."
Owen used the counter as leverage to raise back up to a standing position, then immediately pulled out his cell phone. Making the necessary call, he informed Elliot that an ambulance would be at the cottage in ten minutes time. Elliot barely heard a word he said, he was so focused on Olivia.
"Liv, can you hear me? It's Elliot. I'm here, okay? I'm not going to leave you. Just hold on."
Taking her hand in his, he brought it up against the side of his face and held it there for a moment. He was trying so hard to reign in his emotions, and failing miserably – just like he'd failed her. Why had he left her? Why hadn't he fought harder to stay? It had been so obvious that she shouldn't be alone. This was all his fault.
Moving Olivia's hand away from his face, Elliot went to place a kiss in the center of her palm when something else caught his attention. There was a raw- and very fresh – scrape. One that looked quite painful, too. Reaching across her body, he carefully examined her other hand, finding a matching injury. As much as he hated to reveal anything personal about Olivia to anyone, he realized this might be important, and should be shared.
"Owen, look at this."
The other man stepped closer, and Elliot showed him Olivia's damaged palms. That was when they both had the same idea at the exact same time. It was Elliot who moved first though, gently guiding up the hem of Olivia's pants to just above the knee on first one leg, then the other. Elliot was the first to speak.
"She must have taken a fall while running. I wonder what happened? Did she trip, or was it something else?"
"I can't answer that, but I can tell you just by looking at them that she hasn't cleaned them properly."
Lowering the pant legs once more, Elliot was even more troubled. Where was that ambulance? For that matter, why hadn't Olivia woken up yet? They didn't even have a way of knowing how long she had been unconscious.
"Do you know the names of her doctors in the city, any medications she is on, things like that?"
Once again, Elliot was reminded of just what an impact his absence in Olivia's life had resulted in. At one time, he would have known all of that information better than he would have known his own, but now, he was just grasping at straws. She needed him more than ever, and he was powerless to help her.
"I'm ashamed to say I don't – we've only just recently been reunited – but I know someone who does. I can call him on my way to the hospital."
Owen was about to say something else, but he was interrupted by a knock at the door. Hurrying to answer it, he let in the pair of medics, both of whom he was quite familiar with.
"Tim, Nicole, thank you for getting here so quickly. She's in the kitchen. I didn't have time to grab my bag today, but she was unconscious when I arrived on scene."
"Is this the same woman you treated the other day who refused transport to the hospital for dehydration?"
"It is."
The two headed toward the kitchen, where Elliot reluctantly moved out of the way to allow them room to examine Olivia. He didn't go far though, watching like a hawk as they began their treatment. While Tim began taking Olivia's vital signs, Nicole pressed a gauze pad against the cut on her forehead, then wrapped additional bandaging around it to secure it and hold pressure. When she was finished, she shined a light in Olivia's eyes.
"Pupils are equal and responsive."
Tim acknowledged the assessment, then followed with his own comment.
"Her blood pressure is low, and I'm having trouble getting a line started. No sign of fever, though, and her blood oxygen levels are normal."
"Let me try starting the IV. I'll use a butterfly needle. Why don't you and Owen go and get the stretcher out of the rig, so we can get ready to transport?"
Minutes later, when the two men returned, Nicole had successfully started the IV, and Elliot was holding a bag of saline, helping it to flow wide open into Olivia's veins. Even though it wasn't much, the small gesture made him feel somewhat useful.
"What hospital are you taking her to?"
Elliot heard himself asking the question, but hadn't quite registered the sound of his own voice. As Tim and Nicole were busy securing Olivia on the stretcher, it fell to Owen to answer.
"Cape May Regional. It's the only hospital in Cape May County. It's about twenty six minutes away. I can give you directions to put into your GPS."
The panic that had only begun to ease in small degrees knowing that Olivia would soon be receiving medical care was suddenly back at extreme levels once more. Twenty six minutes to the nearest hospital? That seemed like a lifetime.
"It's okay, Elliot. The time will go by faster than you think, and Olivia is stable. You'll be at the hospital before you know it."
It was at this point that Owen apologized for not being able to accompany Elliot to the hospital. He was already late for his shift at the Veteran's Association, but had called ahead to explain. Still, there were people who were depending on him. Even so, he asked that Elliot call him as soon as he had any information on Olivia's condition, because he was worried, too.
As everyone was preparing to leave the cottage, Elliot noticed two things – the first was Olivia's cell phone on the table, and the second was the key that he had left behind the other day laying on the counter. Pocketing both items, he followed Tim and Nicole out to the ambulance. Only when Olivia was safely secured inside the rig did he get into his own SUV, and start the engine. Using the information Owen had given him, he typed it into the built in navigation system in his vehicle. He was going to need his phone to make an important call.
Pulling out into the road and taking his place behind the ambulance – now moving at a steady clip with lights flashing and siren wailing – Elliot dialed a familiar number and brought the phone to his ear. When the person he was calling answered, the tears he'd been fighting off ever since they'd found Olivia unconscious resurfaced, and he didn't bother trying to hide them from his voice.
"Don? I need your help."
Elliot arrived at the hospital, overcome with worry. His conversation with Don on the drive over had prompted him to realize a few harsh truths. Long gone were the days of his being Olivia's medical proxy or next of kin. His presence here would be only as a friend, and nothing more. While he could inquire about her condition as much as he liked, no one would be obligated to tell him anything.
Once Olivia was better though – and he had to believe that she would get better – Elliot planned to have a discussion with her about naming him as at least an emergency contact. Even if it only lasted for the duration of their time together here in Cape May, she needed someone who could advocate on her behalf if the situation should call for it. It was clear that she hadn't thought ahead for what an emergency situation like this would involve. Then again, he could easily forgive her for that, as it was more than obvious Olivia hadn't been thinking clearly for some time.
Thankfully, though, Don was on his way, and he would be bringing Fin with him. They were her current contacts, and the only two people to whom the hospital would release any information. Plus, in the wake of his absence, Olivia had made her Captain her new medical proxy, and she hadn't changed that order, even after his retirement. Unfortunately, it would take at least two and half to three hours before they would arrive.
After parking, Elliot made his way through the sliding doors that led to the emergency department and located the reception desk. He knew that no one would have any word or knowledge about Olivia even being a patient here yet, but he figured it couldn't hurt to introduce himself.
"May I help you?"
"Yes. A woman was just brought in by ambulance. Olivia Benson. I know it's too soon for you to have any information on her condition, but I just wanted you to be aware that she isn't here at the hospital alone and someone is waiting out here for her."
They woman spent a few moments typing on her keyboard, then glanced back up.
"Benson, you said?"
"Yes."
"She's not in our system yet, but if she only just arrived, that would explain why. If you give me your name, I'll be sure to find out who her doctor is and pass it along, so someone can come talk to you as soon as they know what is going on."
"Thank you. It's Elliot Stabler."
Elliot watched as the woman wrote down his name on a piece of paper just below Olivia's, then left her desk momentarily to take it to the back, presumably to the nurse's station. Relieved that he had done all he could do for now, he tried not to dwell on the fact that a name was all he had to give. Although he knew that leaving the job behind had been the best thing for him, sometimes he missed the ability he had once had to retrieve a card from his pocket. Now that he was relegated to civilian status, the authority he had once wielded no longer mattered.
He found himself a quiet corner of the waiting room and sat down in an uncomfortable chair. Bracing his elbows on his knees, Elliot buried his head in his hands. His mind was swimming with the events of the morning, and barely an hour had passed since he and Owen had found Olivia on the kitchen floor of the cottage. As much as he longed to know how she was doing, he didn't want the doctors and nurses to hurry. He hoped they would take their time, and make their examination thorough. Maybe once Don and Fin did get here, they would arrive to some positive news.
Meanwhile, back in one of the examination rooms, Olivia was receiving care. Initial X rays had already come back and ruled out a neck injury so the cervical collar she had been wearing when she was first brought in had been safely removed. Now, a nurse was helping to get the unconscious woman changed into a hospital gown so she could be sent for a CT scan to determine why she hadn't yet regained consciousness. Once that had been taken care of, the plastic surgeon on call would place stitches on the laceration above her eyebrow and close up the wound.
As the nurse gently guided Olivia's long sleeve shirt over her head, she performed her usual cursory examination. What she saw on her patient's torso and arms caused her jaw to drop and chills to spread over her entire body. Covering the unconscious woman with the gown to preserve her modesty, she headed out into the hall to call for the doctor.
"Doctor! You need to see this!"
The doctor on Olivia's case, along with another nurse entered her cubicle, wondering what could have been so urgent. All were assuming that the patient had regained consciousness. None of them could have imagined what they were about to be shown. As the nurse who had been helping Olivia change gradually lowered the gown to reveal her arms and chest, a multitude of scars came into view. It was obvious that many had been caused by cigarettes, but others looked to be in the shapes of keys, or even other metal objects.
"Just what the hell has she been through?"
The doctor's question was a rhetorical one, and whispered softly, but all who were present in the room heard it, save for the patient herself. If she had, she might have been able to provide answers.
"That's not all, Doctor. I also found this."
It was then that the nurse indicated the fresh, bloody scrapes on Olivia's hands and knees. That was the moment that the assumptions escalated into grave miscalculations, setting forth a chain of events that would ultimately do more harm than good.
"Whatever has happened, it was clear she was trying to escape. You said someone came in with her today? An Elliot Stabler? Have security detain him until the police can get here. We can't let him near her again."
Elliot was in the waiting room lost in his own torment when out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a woman in scrubs approaching. She was accompanied by a man dressed in uniform. Almost immediately, all of his senses were on high alert, and his anxiety kicked into overdrive. He hadn't expected someone to come and talk to him this soon – if at all – and he certainly hadn't been expecting to see hospital security.
Realization dawned on him, bringing with it a sick feeling that settled in the pit of his stomach. Whatever was going on, Olivia must not have regained consciousness yet, and the staff here had to have discovered her scars from her ordeal with Lewis. Combined with her fresh injuries, they had deduced that she was a victim of abuse, and assumed that he was the man responsible. No doubt this security officer was here to detain him until the police arrived.
"Excuse me? Are you Elliot Stabler? If you could come with me, please."
Where he once would have caused a scene, Elliot resigned himself to cooperate for the time being. There was no one here to vouch for his identity, no badge he could stand behind. Even if she were to wake up, there was no way for Olivia to even know he was here with her. Plus, he didn't want to put the weight of this burden solely on her shoulders. She had enough to carry as it was. No, he would go with this man, and remain calm. When asked questions, he would explain the situation, and once Don arrived, there would be someone to speak on his behalf – and Olivia's. Until then, all that mattered was that she was getting the care she needed.
While he thought he had mentally prepared himself for every possible scenario, Elliot found there was one situation he hadn't considered. That was until, several minutes later, when he found himself sitting in the security office with his hands cuffed behind his back. At that point, he became a bit more vocal about his situation. While he knew he should wait until the police arrived, and that speaking out now might only serve to look incriminating on his part, he had Olivia to consider. The last thing he wanted was for someone here at the hospital to inadvertently do something to trigger her and cause more psychological damage than what waking up in a strange place was already going to do.
"Please, you have to listen to me."
Elliot's voice was desperate, but he had made certain not to begin with any platitudes or denials. All he wanted was someone to hear him. He had to get them to understand. Unfortunately, it seemed they had already made up their minds about him.
"Let me guess – she was just asking for it? What was her crime? Did she burn your dinner? Mix the colors with the whites in the laundry? What could that woman possibly have done to deserve you treating her the way you did?"
The security guard – who hadn't even bothered to reveal his name – sneered, his voice dripping with disdain. Though he hadn't physically laid a hand on him, Elliot reacted as though he had been punched in the gut. He had dedicated his entire career to putting men like the one he was currently accused of being in prison. The very thought of him ever raising a hand against a woman – even in anger - made him ill. More emphatic now, he asserted himself again.
"No! I didn't hurt her. She's been through hell, yes, but it wasn't caused by me."
Elliot paused briefly in his explanation as he considered the validity of his words. He had unwittingly just lied to this man, but only he knew that. He had put Olivia through hell when he'd essentially cut her out of his life without a word, and it was only by the grace of God that she had let him back in. He'd be damned if he'd abandon her again when she needed him to fight for her.
"Do you know how many times I've heard that line of bullshit? Why don't you just do yourself a favor and shut up until the police get here?"
"Listen to me! Her name is Olivia Benson. She is a Sergeant with the NYPD. We were partners for thirteen years. Last year, she was kidnapped by a man named William Lewis. He held her captive for four days before she was rescued. That's where her scars are from."
Though he hated himself for what he was about to do, but ultimately knowing it was imperative for not only proving his innocence, but Olivia's treatment as well, Elliot pressed on.
"If you don't believe me, look her name up on the internet. There were dozens of news articles at the time she was taken. It will be all the proof you need."
The guard was eyeing him skeptically at this point, but was no longer debating him. Sensing that he was making headway, Elliot attempted to drive his point home.
"Also, our former Captain is on his way to the hospital right now. He has knowledge about her medical information for the doctors, and can not only verify my identity, but everything I've just told you."
Though it was clear that the guard still doubted his story, Elliot watched as the man clicked on the computer screen in front of him and opened the internet browser. Olivia's name was typed into the search bar, then seconds later a multitude of results were displayed. He cast his eyes away of out respect, but that still didn't erase the guilt he was feeling. Every part about this felt like a betrayal.
The guard skimmed about three articles before he came to his decision. Picking up the phone on the desk, he dialed the extension for the emergency department.
"Yes. This is Alan from Security. It's been brought to my attention that a mistake has been made regarding one of your patients, Olivia Benson. Elliot Stabler is not the one who harmed her."
Despite having offered proof that he wasn't the one responsible for Olivia's scars, it had still taken longer that Elliot would have liked to be freed from the custody of Security. Then he had to explain his story again when the police had arrived. Even after all of that, the doctor was still hesitant about allowing him in the exam room with Olivia. It was only after a consultation from the psychiatrist on call who recommended that the patient would likely respond better if someone she recognized were nearby when she awoke. In fact, it had been this new physician who had also suggested that Olivia's inability to wake was due more in part to secondary trauma response and not any serious underlying physical injury.
There were however, other concerns. In addition to low blood pressure and dehydration, the doctors had determined that Olivia was suffering from malnutrition and vitamin deficiency. They hadn't shared any of this information with Elliot yet, but were planning to admit her for at least a week so she could begin working with not only one of their psychiatrists, but a nutritionist as well.
As for the physical wounds she had sustained that morning, Olivia's scrapes had been properly cleaned, then treated with an antibiotic ointment. The cut above her eyebrow had required five stitches, and once she regained consciousness they would be better be able to assess her symptoms for the mild concussion they believe she had sustained in the process. For the time being, they were giving her fluids intravenously, and monitoring her vitals continually.
Elliot sat watching Olivia sleep, his stomach still twisted in knots. He'd sent Owen a text message about twenty minutes earlier, leaving out the details about his detainment. There wasn't much in the way of news he could relate, but he hoped to be able to give a better update soon, once Don and Fin got here. His former Captain had called not long ago, letting him know that they had just exited off the Garden State Parkway, and would be at the hospital shortly. In the meantime, Elliot found solace in the fact that there was no sense of urgency regarding Olivia's care. Certainly, if something were seriously wrong, the emergency room staff would be doing more than just monitoring her.
Olivia moaned softly, and shifted on the narrow hospital gurney. Elliot was instantly alert at the movement, his eyes sweeping over her supine form. Her eyelashes fluttered against her cheeks for a moment, then blinked against the harsh light in the room. Almost immediately, Olivia's breathing began to quicken, and the blips on the heart monitor increased as her initial confusion gave way to a panic that was entirely too real.
"No. No. NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo"
For the time being, it seemed as though it were the only word Olivia was capable of uttering, and the lone syllable left her lips in steady stream. The more she whispered the denial, the more her agitation grew, and it was as if she were blind and deaf to all else, including Elliot's presence.
"Olivia. Liv. Liv. Can you hear me? I'm here, Liv. I'm here."
In deep anguish, Elliot called to her, desperate to reach her. He didn't dare touch her though, no matter how much he longed to bring her comfort. To lay a hand on her now would only make things worse, and likely trigger a flashback so terrifying he feared it would be detrimental to her overall health. Seeing her reduced to this state killed him inside, for while it in no way diminished her strength in his eyes, it wounded him deeply. He'd suffered gunshot wounds that hadn't hurt this bad, and no matter how many times he tried to remind himself that what Olivia was going through wasn't about him, he couldn't deny that he was affected by this ordeal. He'd always been able to feel her pain as keenly as if it were his own, and it was no different now.
Just as he was about to try again to reach her, a nurse entered the room. Apparently they had registered Olivia's elevated heart rate out at the desk and were coming in to check on her. Elliot found he had to grit his teeth when he heard the woman's condescending tone.
"You need to calm down, Ms. Benson. You're getting yourself all worked up over nothing. You're in Cape May Regional Hospital, but we're taking good care of you, there is nothing to be scared about."
As the nurse reached out to grasp her patient's wrist to check her pulse, Olivia slapped the incoming hand away.
"Don't you dare touch me! Where are my clothes? I want to leave right now!"
"I'm sorry, Ms. Benson, but I can't let you do that."
Undeterred by her patient's resistance, the nurse again attempted to take Olivia's vital signs, this time succeeding in grasping her wrist. While she had been made aware of the on call psychiatrist's theories, she still wasn't expecting the resulting reaction. Because, the instant Olivia had felt fingers encircle her wrist, she lost the already thin grasp of reality she had been holding onto since waking up only moments before.
Fighting like a cornered wildcat, Olivia struck out in a flurry of kicks and scratches, unsure if she was making contact. She'd also made up her mind that she was willing to use her teeth as weapon for self preservation if necessary. Yanking the IV line out of her arm, Olivia scrambled off the gurney, and took off down the hall at a run, not even caring that the only thing she was wearing was a thin hospital gown. She had to get out of here. She knew she was being followed, but escape was still at the forefront of her mind.
Elliot was hot on Olivia's heels, intent on getting to her before anyone else did, or before she could cause greater harm to herself. He'd heard the call go out for security, and he'd heard the doctor call for a dose of haloperidol. He'd be damned if he would just stand idly by and do nothing while they drugged and restrained a victim – a survivor.
He found her, seconds later, beating her hands on the door that led to the waiting room, and wailing in despair. It was perfectly clear that she still wasn't in touch with reality, and lost within whatever flashback had her trapped within it's evil clutches. Positioning his body between Olivia and the oncoming medical staff, Elliot turned around and held up his palms, pleading with them to understand.
"Wait! Please, let me try and talk to her. You don't need to drug her. I believe I can reach her. She's just frightened, that's all. You startled her."
Lowering his voice several decibels, he pivoted on his heel and faced the woman who had given up trying to escape and now sobbed quietly as she sat on the floor with her knees pulled up against her chest.
"Olivia. Can you hear me? It's Elliot."
He didn't change his tone or his words, merely kept repeating the same thing over and over for several moments until finally, it seemed as though something registered.
"Elliot?"
"Yeah, Liv. It's me."
Tear-filled brown eyes raised up to meet his, and Elliot again longed for the ability to take away all of her pain.
"What happened?"
"I'll explain everything, I promise. Why don't we get you up off the floor first?"
Not wanting to startle her again, Elliot outstretched his hand with the palm up for Olivia to take. She studied it skeptically for several moments before tentatively placing her fingers in his. Once he had guided her up into a standing position, he removed his jacket and wrapped it around her in order to preserve her modesty as he led her back to the exam room she had been given. Relief settled in when he saw that only the doctor was following, and that the nurse with the unwelcome syringe had left to return to her station.
Between Elliot and the psychiatrist, the two men got Olivia settled back on the gurney with as little physical contact as possible. After getting permission from his patient, the psychiatrist pulled on a pair of gloves and grabbed some gauze and applied it to the area of Olivia's arm that was still bleeding from where she had pulled out the IV only minutes before.
"Am I hurting you at all, Ms. Benson?"
Olivia shook her head to indicate the negative, but the skepticism in her eyes was obvious. Even so, she was grateful that she hadn't found herself sedated against her will, and she knew she had Elliot to thank for that. She still couldn't remember what had happened to bring her here, all she knew as that she had one hell of a headache, and a desperate need to escape. The cottage may not exactly feel like home to her just yet, but it was all she had, and anything was better than the hospital.
"My name is Dr. Kevin Barnes. I'm a psychiatrist here at Cape May Regional."
When the doctor introduced himself and gave his title, Olivia tensed immediately. Her face became impassive, and it was obvious that she was closing herself off.
"No offense, Doctor, but I already have one psychiatrist who I barely feel comfortable talking to. What makes you think I'm going to share my life story with a complete stranger like yourself?"
"That's fine, Ms. Benson. Would you be willing to give me the name of your doctor so that I can confer with them on your treatment? Or at least tell me the names of any medications you are currently prescribed?"
It was at that moment that Elliot spoke up, not wanting to make Olivia feel pressured in any way. He could tell she was already uncomfortable with the conversation as it was, he didn't want to make things any worse.
"I can step out for a few minutes if you need me to, Olivia. Give you some privacy perhaps?"
Olivia's shake of the head was emphatic, insisting that Elliot remain exactly where he was. She may be upset with him for bringing her to the hospital in the first place, but that anger could wait. Right now, he was the only sense of familiarity she had to cling to, and she didn't want to lose that – not even for a minute.
"You can stay."
Turning to the doctor, she reluctantly gave him the information that he asked for – not because she wanted to, but because she knew it was necessary for her treatment. When she revealed that she had been prescribed lorazepam on an as needed basis in addition to the daily dose of citalopram, the doctor asked her a question.
"If you're still feeling anxious, I can order a dose of lorazepam for you right now. You have the option of taking it orally, or we can administer it to you directly through an IV."
"That won't be necessary. What I'd really like is for you to bring me the discharge papers so I can go home."
It was at this point that Dr. Barnes broke eye contact with his patient and instead shared a glance with Elliot. Even in the midst of her turmoil, Olivia was still as perceptive as ever. She felt a sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach, and knew she would not like the news that this doctor was about to deliver next.
"Ms. Benson, I'm afraid we're not going to be discharging you today. In addition to my own concerns, you have significant medical issues that need to be addressed. They require that you be admitted to our facility."
"I'm fine. And it's Sergeant."
It was obvious to Elliot that Olivia's agitation was only increasing again. He wished that she would have consented to the medication that could help calm her, but understood her need to remain in control. If he were in her position, he's not sure he would have agreed to take it, either. What he wasn't expecting, though, was for things to take the turn they so suddenly did.
"Sergeant Benson. Yes, of course. I remember that from the article. You were promoted recently, were you not?"
Elliot sat still and silent as a stone, barely breathing as he waited for Olivia's reaction. Why had this doctor mentioned the articles? That was the worst possible thing he could have done! He watched as Olivia's expression shifted yet again – she'd experienced so many since waking little more than half an hour ago – and now the only emotion he could read in her features was anger.
"What articles?"
Olivia's voice had a dangerous quality to it as she asked the question, but only someone who knew her well would be able to decipher it. As Elliot mentally prepared for the other shoe to drop, he was also aware that his earlier attempt to save her from improper care were about to blow up in his face.
"Elliot. He explained everything. We wrongly believed that you were trying to escape an abusive situation and kept him detained until police could arrive, so he had us look up your name. He wanted us to understand that you were a trauma victim, but not the kind we thought."
Elliot held his breath again, waiting for Olivia to unleash her wrath on him. He didn't know exactly what he was expecting. To be cursed out, most definitely. Perhaps even that she would kick him out of the room - maybe even out of her life for good. The reaction he witnessed though, was more eerie and chilling than anything he could have imagined.
"I don't know what articles you are talking about, but that wasn't me. You must have me confused with someone else."
After her declaration, Olivia reclined back against the gurney, closing her eyes. The pain etched in her features was evident, as was the exhaustion written on her face. The emotional whirlwind was taking its toll on her, and it was clear she was trying to find a way to process it all. Elliot exchanged another glance with Dr. Barnes, hoping the man would have some sort of theory or suggestion on how to move forward.
"All right then, Sergeant. May I call you Olivia? Feel free to call me Kevin if that makes you feel more comfortable. I think we can drop the formalities for now."
"My name isn't Olivia. It's Rachel. Rachel Martin. Olivia Benson is my undercover alias. I don't know who told you that was my name, but they were clearly mistaken."
Dr. Barnes glanced up at Elliot for confirmation, who gave the man an imperceptible shake of his head, refuting Olivia's statement. Keeping his tone gentle, the psychiatrist tried to get through to his patient.
"Your name is Olivia Benson. You were brought into the hospital this morning after falling and hitting your head. A preliminary exam revealed a multitude of scars on your torso and arms, and further tests concluded that you have a mild concussion as well as other health issues."
"I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have any scars."
Dr. Barnes stood up then, and excused himself from the room. Just prior to leaving, he explained that someone would be coming in shortly to start a new IV line while they waited on word from one of the patient floors. The admission process was already underway, it would just take awhile to get Olivia transferred upstairs to a room.
Elliot followed the doctor out, desperate for answers, but knowing he couldn't get any – not yet. That was when his phone chimed in his pocket, indicating an incoming text message. Don and Fin had just arrived at the hospital. After conferring with the reception desk, both men were allowed back to where the exam rooms were, and got to meet Dr. Barnes. As much as Elliot desperately wanted to be with them and find out more on the psychiatrist's theories regarding what was going on with Olivia's condition, he knew she needed him more.
When he walked back into the room, a nurse was there, but thankfully not the same nurse as earlier. This young woman was capably and gently starting a new IV line, having no trouble finding a vein thanks in part to the fluids Olivia had already received. When she spoke, her voice was full of apology.
"It's still going to be a bit of a wait before we can get you moved upstairs, I'm afraid. If you'd like, I can order you a tray from dietary so you can have something to eat."
"No, thank you. I'm still full from the breakfast I had earlier."
Elliot struggled not to react to Olivia's words. She was still full from the breakfast she'd had earlier? He hadn't been focused enough to pay attention when he'd been at the cottage earlier this morning, but he would be willing to bet that she hadn't eaten anything since the other day when she had kicked him out. Hoping she'd be more responsive to him, he decided to try asking her again.
"Are you sure you don't want anything? I can get you anything you'd like?"
"What I want is to get out of here. So why don't you tell the doctors that I'm fine, so they'll let me go home?"
Before Elliot could answer, there was a knock on the glass partition of her room, and Dr. Barnes reappeared.
"Excuse me, Sergeant? I'm sorry to disturb you, but you have some visitors."
Don stepped around the curtain then, and that was the moment when Olivia's facade crumbled completely. She didn't deny knowing them, she didn't claim to be someone else, she didn't even pretend that her being a patient in this hospital was a mistake. Instead, her face flushed with shame and tears coursed down her cheeks.
"Don, what are you doing here?"
"I heard that you were brought to the hospital. We didn't know how much care you needed, and I'm still your emergency contact. Where else would I be?"
The older man's voice was gentle and filled with concern. He'd known that his former detective – and current successor – had been in a bad way when he'd sent her to Cape May for some time to heal, but he'd had no idea it was as bad as all this. Still it was partially why he'd sent Elliot to the seaside resort town to check in on her. That and he'd ulterior motives – he'd wanted to reunite the former partners at a time when he knew they needed one another the most.
"I'm fine, really. I just think everyone is overreacting. What I really want is to go back home – to the cottage, I mean. I'd love more than anything to return to Manhattan, but there is no point in my being there if I'm not allowed to work."
Stepping closer to the woman on the gurney, Don held out his hand. To the surprise of all the men in the room, Olivia took it and clung to it.
"Olivia, as much as I know you don't want to, you need to stay at the hospital for a few days. The doctors tell me that in addition to having a mild concussion from your fall today, your blood pressure is still dangerously low. Not to mention, you are showing signs of malnutrition that, if not addressed now, could have serious ramifications on your health down the line."
For the first time since she'd initially objected to the name over thirty minutes prior, Olivia did not argue to being addressed as such. If anything, she blanched over being informed of her condition, and lowered her head to avoid making eye contact with anyone. There was no hiding now – her secret was out. But how could she explain that she hadn't purposely been starving herself? How was she to say that the sheer thought of eating made her feel just as ill as the act itself? Would William Lewis's hold on her life ever end?
Don hadn't been able to talk with Olivia and Elliot for very long before Dr. Barnes was back in the exam room, wanting to check on his patient. He'd been very concerned about her earlier denials and was wanting to examine her further, curious to see if what she had experienced was a true dissociation, or merely a resistance to treatment.
"Excuse me, gentlemen, but if I could speak with Sergeant Benson privately for a few minutes? You're welcome to get a cup of coffee while you wait."
Regardless of what the doctor had said, it was Olivia that Don and Elliot looked to for permission to go. They weren't about to set foot outside that room and leave her alone if it would make her uncomfortable.
"It's okay."
Olivia quietly gave her consent, her voice tinged with a mix of embarrassment and exhaustion. Don stepped forward and gently patted her hand, offering reassurance.
"We won't be away for long. Plus, I need to catch Fin up on what is going on. He's here, too."
Once again, Olivia's eyes welled up with fresh tears. Fin was here? She remembered his promise to her on the phone earlier in the week when she'd called about the files, and despite all her ongoing inner torment was comforted by the fact that her friend was nearby. Though it hadn't been long since she'd seen him last, it still felt good to know that someone cared.
Alone now with Dr. Barnes, Olivia resigned herself to the fact that she was going to have to talk about something. However, she made up her mind that it would only be to answer questions directed her – she wouldn't volunteer any information. It was bad enough that they were going to be admitting her to this awful place, a decision she still planned to fight tooth and nail.
Pulling the chair that Elliot had previously been using closer to the gurney, Dr. Barnes sat down and studied Olivia with a kind expression. Since he'd last been in the room, he'd had a video call with Dr. Lindstrom, who had shed some light on the horrors the woman had been through in the past year. What the other psychiatrist had not been aware of, however, was his own patient's declining health due to her inability to eat regularly. Normally it would be the medical doctor who would explain the treatment plan, but as Olivia appeared to be responding to him – even if it hadn't all been positive- it had fallen on him to share the news.
"I don't know if your friend has explained anything to you, Sergeant, but I'd like to talk to you about exactly why we'll be admitting you to the hospital for several days."
Sighing, Olivia nodded subtly, indicating that he should continue. She reflexively clutched the blanket tighter, as though clinging to the scratchy cotton fabric would somehow soften the blow of the words she didn't want to hear.
"As you may have already heard mentioned, you are severely dehydrated, and your blood pressure is dangerously low. I'm actually surprised you haven't experienced more fainting spells than what were reported."
Olivia said nothing, but a flush stained her cheeks as she averted her gaze. Dr. Barnes immediately picked up on the body language and surmised that she had been feeling poorly, but had simply opted not to say anything.
"I want you to know, I spoke with Dr. Lindstrom. He explained a few things to me, including that you have some difficulty when it comes to taking medications. If you'd like, I can try to arrange that your dosages are administered through your IV line, or see if we can find an oral suspension for you to take whenever possible."
Though she had tried to remain impassive, Olivia couldn't hide her surprise. There was a way to take her medication without swallowing a pill? Why hadn't Dr. Lindstrom ever informed her of that?
"Though the tablets are more widely used, the citalopram is available in an oral suspension liquid. Is that something you would be interested in trying?"
Unable to find her voice, Olivia merely nodded.
"All right then. I'll make the change to your regimen now, and you'll begin receiving that new form tonight. We'll see how you respond, and if you prefer the liquid to the tablets, either I or Dr. Lindstrom can see that you get a new prescription once you are discharged."
Dr. Barnes tapped the screen of his tablet for a few moments, then cleared his throat before speaking again.
"Now, as far as the lorazepam goes, how often are you using that?"
"Only when absolutely necessary. I don't like taking anything that will make me feel like I'm not in control."
Olivia bit her lip then, knowing she had unwittingly revealed something she hadn't meant to. This would undoubtedly open the door for deeper conversation – one that she wasn't ready for. When would she learn to keep her mouth shut?
"Control is very important to you, isn't it?"
"I don't want to talk about that."
Knowing that the woman had been through enough, and it was just barely noon, Dr. Barnes wisely let the subject drop for the time being.
"That's fine, we can wait. There is something I needed to tell you about your blood test results anyway."
Dr. Barnes was still speaking, but Olivia couldn't hear anything beyond the constant rushing sound in her ears. The words 'blood test results' seemed to linger in the room, haunting and foreign. To her fragmented thoughts, that could mean one thing and one thing only – she was pregnant. Either that, or she had contracted some form of a transmittable disease.
As darkness descended, Olivia struggled to breathe when the memories from only a few weeks earlier came flooding back at full force. She was doubting herself completely now, and no longer knew what was legitimately real, and what illusions she had manifested into reality in order to protect herself. What exactly had happened at the Red Hook Granary?
NO. After several moments of intense and paralyzing panic, logic prevailed. While Olivia didn't remember exactly what exams she had undergone at the hospital after Lewis had shot himself, she did recall their results – she had not been raped. Why then, was there a problem with her blood tests now?
Breathing gradually became easier, and over time, Olivia vaguely became aware of the oxygen mask that had been placed over her nose and mouth. Through her haze of confusion, she heard Dr. Barnes' voice once more.
"That's it, Sergeant. Just take slow, even breaths."
Blinking rapidly to chase away the tears burning behind her eyelids, Olivia tried to reign in what little remained of her already fragile hold on her emotions. She didn't want to break down here, though. She'd already humiliated herself enough today to last a lifetime. Leveling her gaze once more on Dr. Barnes, she waited for him to continue. Instead, though, the psychiatrist brought forth a suggestion he wasn't certain his patient was willing to hear, but it was something he felt was necessary – now more than ever.
"Forgive me for saying so, Sergeant, but I do wish you'd reconsider and allow us to administer a mild sedative. This is the second intense flashback you've had since your arrival. I know that no medication can erase your memories, but I really do have your best interest in mind."
"I don't need a sedative. Like I said, what I need is to go home. I'm not staying in the hospital. I've told you that I'm fine. Get me whatever forms you need to get that say I'm walking out against medical advice, but I'm leaving here today."
It was clear that her latest flashback had caused Olivia to forget that she had already agreed – albeit reluctantly – to stay in the hospital for a few days to get the treatment required. However, as she had not yet signed any consent forms, there was nothing stopping her now from changing her mind and signing herself out. It would be a bit extreme, but Dr. Barnes felt that it was imperative now to make her admission medically necessary. If they were to release her, she'd most certainly end up back in the emergency department – or worse – within a short span of time.
As he stepped back out into the hall, Dr. Barnes ran into the two men who had been in Sergeant Benson's room previously. They were now joined by a third. Intercepting the group before they could go into Olivia's room, he motioned for the other treating physician to join them as he led everyone to a small meeting room just down the hallway.
"What's going on? Is Olivia all right?"
The panic was evident in Elliot's voice as he questioned both doctors, looking back and forth between each of them as he waited for an answer. Though they hadn't spoken, it was clear from their expressions that Don and Fin shared his anxiety.
"While we're uncertain as to the trigger, she did suffer another flashback. She hyperventilated, and we had to place her on oxygen temporarily to get her levels stabilized."
Dr. Barnes continued to relate what had happened in their absence.
"She was doing fine at first, and even engaged in conversation. I would go so far as to say she was cooperative. While I won't go into extreme detail, I will tell you that we discussed medication options, and she seemed open to them."
The three men were now more curious, wondering what could have caused such an abrupt and sudden change. Granted, Olivia had already been in a precarious mental state even before the doctor had spoken to her. Elliot had even witnessed when she had denied her own identity. They waited for the doctor to go on.
"I was simply explaining to her why we needed to admit her to the hospital. Everything was going fine until I brought up matter of her blood test results."
Elliot groaned involuntarily, understanding immediately the direction Olivia's mind had gone. His heart ached for her, and not for the first time, he wished for the ability to rewind time and prevent her from ever having lived through any of the horrors she'd had to face.
"How is she doing now?"
That question was voiced by Don, although he had a feeling he already knew the answer.
"She's refused a mild sedative for the second time, and she's asking to be brought forms to sign herself out of the hospital against medical advice. Essentially, she's denying that there is anything wrong, and insisting that we release her."
The doctor gave the men a few minutes to process the information before moving on. The next thing he had to ask was delving into delicate territory, and he wasn't sure exactly how they would react.
"We believe it is necessary for her to be admitted for a minimum of one week, just for her medical issues alone. As far as the psychiatric problems she is experiencing, they present another concern. I hate to make any of you feel like you are betraying your friend, but I must ask – is there anything that any of you have witnessed that make you doubt Sergeant Benson's ability to care for herself?"
After the question had been put into the room, all eyes fell on Elliot. He shifted uncomfortably, truly torn in his decision. He wanted to make the best possible decision for Olivia, but he also hated to do anything that would fracture the relationship that he was desperately trying to repair. But, he also would never forgive himself if he said nothing and something were to happen as a result of that. Scrubbing his palms over his face, he exhaled sharply.
"I've seen several things just this week alone that indicate she needs more help than I can give."
Even though it felt like he was committing the ultimate betrayal, Elliot began relating some of the things he had seen in Olivia's behavior since their reunion on Sunday night.
"She's barely been eating, and what little she does eat often makes her sick afterward. There was even one occasion where she gave the illusion of having eaten when I know for a fact that she skipped the meal."
Elliot continued to narrate, including describing some things he'd only witnessed second hand, like the night terrors. He became increasingly emotional as he detailed the way she had driven herself on their run, only to pass out after. When he explained her subsequent disappearances, and the way Olivia had lashed out at him, there was a clear tremor in his voice. That became even more apparent as he shared his theory that Olivia had walked into the ocean fully clothed. He didn't dare to glance at Don and Fin while he was speaking, knowing the looks of alarm on their faces would only serve to break him further.
"There is someone else who can verify some of what I'm telling you. Owen Winter is a neighbor, and he helped out not only when she fainted the first time, but kept an eye on Olivia after she asked me to leave. He was the one who was with me this morning when I found her."
Dr. Barnes took in this new information, then questioned Elliot again.
"Has Owen said anything to you specifically that makes you think what he has to add would be valuable?"
Elliot brushed his palm against the back of his neck, again feeling torn. But he reminded himself again that as much as he hated himself for doing this, the guilt would be insurmountable if he did nothing and something happened to Olivia as a result.
"He told me he actually saw Olivia walk into the ocean, fully clothed. She came back out again on her own, but he said that she went in until the water was rather deep."
Making a few notes, Dr. Barnes continued.
"I know this next question will be difficult for you to answer, and I'm sorry that I even have to ask it, but it is necessary. Has Sergeant Benson specifically said anything to you about wanting to die, or expressed a desire to physically harm herself?"
This, at least, was something Eliot could answer with confidence.
"No. She's been despondent, yes. I would even say that she's been depressed. But she's been through not just one, but two extreme traumas in less than a year. On top of all of that, she's been told that she had to step away from the career that she loves and has devoted her life to. Anyone would be a mess after that."
After he'd done so much damage in destroying her credibility, Elliot felt the need to defend Olivia somewhat. Yes, he firmly believed she needed help, but he hadn't set out to assassinate her character. What was happening now wasn't her fault. Things had all just snowballed beyond the grasp of her control. On top of that, her health was now at risk in addition to her mental state. Frustrated with all the questions and no answers, Elliot attempted to turn the tables.
"What exactly is going on? Why do you need to know all of this, especially if Olivia plans to sign herself out anyway?"
After exchanging a glance with his colleague, Dr. Barnes turned to the three men. All wore matching looks of confusion.
"We would like to ask that one of you commit Sergeant Benson to the hospital for treatment, since we don't believe she is capable of making the decision on her own."
Though he had been silent for the majority of the conversation, Don Cragen chose that moment to speak up. He'd had no idea that Olivia was suffering as much as she was, and hearing the stories of her internal pain had been heartbreaking. If he'd known, he never would have sent her so far away from the city she called home, even with Elliot for company.
"I'll do it. According to the forms I brought with me, I'm her current emergency contact and medical proxy. They state that I'm able to make decisions on her behalf. But please, can we at least try and convince her again? I'd hate to make her do anything against her will."
"We can try, perhaps one of you will be able to persuade her. If not though, we will need you to sign the form. She needs not only the psychiatric care, but the medical intervention as well."
The group of men left the meeting room, with Elliot, Don, and Fin all heading straight to check on Olivia. When they entered her cubicle, they found her sitting up on the edge of the gurney, her feet dangling over the side. She was scanning the room, as though searching for something. Upon hearing the incoming footsteps, she startled involuntarily, and then flushed in embarrassment. Concerned that she had removed the oxygen without permission, Elliot approached the woman on the narrow bed.
"Liv, what are you looking for?"
"My clothes. As soon as they bring me the forms and get this godforsaken IV out of my arm, I'm getting out of here. I'll walk back to the cottage if I have to, but I'm not staying in the hospital."
Not sure how to break the news to her, or even how to begin convincing her that she needed to stay, Elliot opted to start with the truth.
"We're over fifteen miles away from the cottage, Liv. It would take you nearly five hours to walk that distance. Longer given your current condition. Plus, I really think you should listen to the doctors."
"I don't really care what you think. I don't want to stay here."
Seeing that this was going nowhere, Fin decided to try.
"No one wants to stay in the hospital, Liv, but the doctor tells us you are really sick, and need to stay. I'd hate for you to leave and for something to happen you."
Olivia laughed then, but there was no humor in her tone. If anything, only bitterness could be detected.
"Something already happened to me. Or have you forgotten already? I'm fine. What I need is for everyone to stop trying to tell me how I should live my life. Now, if none of you are going to help me, I think you should all leave."
Not wanting to upset Olivia further, the three men did as she had requested. It was with a heavy heart that Don signed the forms admitting her to the hospital, and her shouts of anger and frustration as she was given the news could be heard in the hall, wounding them all deeply. Though they all wanted to stay longer and check on her after she was settled in a room, they knew they wouldn't be welcome at least until tomorrow.
As the men made their way out of the hospital, Olivia was becoming more and more combative. A room had finally become available on one of the floors upstairs, and someone had come to transfer her. Though he had hoped to avoid it at all costs, Dr. Barnes was left no choice but to administer a mild sedative in order to keep his patient from inadvertently hurting herself. He made every effort to consider her condition and prior traumas though, and prescribed a low dose of lorazepam administered through her IV line. It was something that would calm her without any excessive residual grogginess, and for the most part, she would also remain alert and conscious.
The next thing Olivia knew, she was settled in a new room. She had, however, been mildly relieved to see that she hadn't been taken to a locked ward, but instead placed on a traditional hospital unit. On top of that, her room was private, which brought her a small amount of consolation. At least this way, when the night terrors came, she didn't have to worry about disturbing a roommate. Her only humiliation would come from the rest of the staff hearing her.
As the reality of her situation sunk in, the tears came in full force, and Olivia was overwhelmed by the feelings of hurt and betrayal. How could they do this to her? All of them – Elliot, Fin, and Don knew her hatred for hospitals. How could they not only admit her to one not only against her will, but in a city that was foreign to her? How many times did she have to say she was fine before someone believed her?
A noise from the hallway captured her attention, and she turned her head in the direction of the door, instantly alert. When she realized it was only an orderly bearing a tray, Olivia relaxed, but the relief was only temporary. After everything she had been through today, food was the last thing on her mind. The sheer thought of eating anything at this point made her ill. At the same time, she knew that refusal would only earn her a label as being uncooperative, and didn't want to learn what ramifications that would ultimately result in.
The orderly placed the tray on the rolling table next to her bed, then positioned it over her lap. Giving her a kind smile, he left the room again. Olivia kept silent throughout the exchange, holding her tongue. She had plenty she wanted to say, but knew that this middle man was not the one on whom to unleash her anger. He was merely doing his assigned job, and did not deserve her venom. Now, if she were to see Elliot, Don, or Fin right now – or even Dr. Barnes – they would certainly get an earful.
Using what little strength she possessed after the exhausting day she'd had so far, Olivia pushed the tray table away. She could care less what was under the plastic cloche hiding the plate. They may have forced her to stay, but they couldn't force her to eat. While it hadn't been intentional on her part before – now it was a battle of wills – and it was a battle she intended to win.
While Olivia was adjusting to the hospital, albeit begrudgingly, it was a broken hearted Elliot who had driven back to the motel. Prior to leaving, he'd given Don and Fin the name of the place he was staying, as they'd both said they had no intention of leaving just yet. The two men offered to go and pick up some food for the three of them to share and meet Elliot back at the motel. Don had no interest on staying at the cottage, insisting that it was 'Olivia's home' for the time being, and he didn't want to intrude.
Though he hadn't mentioned it to anyone, Elliot had made a few stops of his own on the drive back. He'd also taken the time to call Owen, in order to relate the events of the morning and afternoon. Now, he sat on the bed of his room, elbows braced on his knees, hands clasped behind his neck. He was staring at the bottle of whiskey that now resided on his nightstand, that he had yet to open. His mind was swirling the memories of the day, each one haunting in their own right. The guilt was pouring in from all sides, and all he could think of was the other night when he had read the details of everything Olivia had been through.
He'd been getting glimpses all week, but today he had truly witnessed just how much she was suffering. To have seen her boldly deny not only her own assault, but her very identity had nearly broken him. What hurt worse was knowing that she believed she had to go through it all alone.
A knock interrupted his downward spiral, and as if on autopilot, Elliot padded toward the door to answer it. Don was on the other side, a paper bag in his hands. Forgetting about his earlier purchase, Elliot stepped back to allow his sponsor access into the room, not realizing that Don would immediately zero in on the whiskey.
"Have you opened the bottle, son?"
Filled with shame, Elliot shook his head.
"I haven't. I couldn't fail her again."
Don picked up the whiskey, then carried it into the bathroom. Uncapping it, he dumped the contents down the drain, then threw the bottle away. Returning to the main room, he wrapped an arm around Elliot's shoulders, and nudged him toward the door.
"Come on. The food can wait until later. Let's get you to a meeting. I'll go with you."