Disclaimer: SVU and all of its characters were created by and are the property of Dick Wolf. I make no profit with this story, which is my own original work.
Olivia awoke before her alarm went off, and though she was slightly annoyed by missing out on the few additional minutes of sleep, a part of her was grateful for the extra time to herself. Despite the fact that Elliot had shared her bed – albeit accidentally – recently, and it hadn't bothered her, Olivia had insisted on being alone the night before. She had even turned down Elliot's invitation to keep her company for a short period while she was unwinding, needing the time to collect her thoughts in preparation for their appointment with Lydia today. Olivia wasn't sure why she was so anxious all of a sudden, it certainly wasn't her first encounter with the psychiatrist. Maybe it was because this would be a joint counseling session with Elliot, and a part of her was afraid at what might be dredged up, even if logically she knew it was a step in the right direction to help both of them continue on the same track with one another.
Their scheduled visit was the first available slot of the day, so there wouldn't be time for a walk before they left, but that was just fine with Olivia. Since Dr. Barnes had given her clearance the day before, Elliot had promised to stop at the local gym on the way back to get Olivia signed up with a membership, and maybe even arrange a light workout.
A soft knock pulled Olivia from her reverie, and she glanced briefly at the clock. Her alarm had never gone off, and it was getting later by the minute. She needed to get ready if they were going to make it on time.
"Yeah, El. I'm awake."
Elliot's voice carried through the closed door.
"No rush, Liv. I just was wondering if you wanted to eat breakfast here before we left, or if you'd rather wait and grab something after we see Lydia?"
"Maybe something simple, like a bagel and some fruit? We can always grab something after the gym. I don't plan on doing anything drastic today, but I'd like to at least get familiar with some of the equipment."
"That's fine with me. You go ahead and get yourself together, I'll head downstairs and throw the bagels in the toaster. Did you want plain or cinnamon raisin?"
"Cinnamon raisin, please."
As the sound of Elliot's retreating footsteps echoed, Olivia pushed back the covers and got out of bed. Padding toward the bathroom, she rushed through her morning routine at a faster pace than she was typically accustomed to, having decided she'd rather cut her shower short than give herself indigestion from eating too fast.
Despite all of her efforts to avoid making herself feel ill, Olivia's stomach was rolling as Elliot drove them toward town. She supposed it was nerves, though she couldn't quite understand why she was so anxious. She didn't think she was actually going to be sick, but the sensation was severe enough that Olivia needed to close her eyes and take a few deep breaths to try and keep from focusing on the passing images outside her window that would only serve to make her feel more dizzy. Before she realized, the entire car ride had passed, and Elliot was pulling into a parking space outside the medical office building.
"Do you need a minute, Liv? We still have some time before we need to go in and meet with Lydia."
"No, we can go up. But, can we stop at a vending machine on the way? I know I don't drink it often, but I could really use a ginger ale or something similar. My stomach is still doing somersaults."
"Of course. Anything you need."
Thankfully, the vending machine they stopped at had ginger ale as an option, and Elliot gladly inserted the necessary bills to purchase the carbonated beverage for Olivia. He knew she wasn't one to openly complain, so if her stomach was at the point that she felt the need to mention it, the upset had to be severe. At the same time, Elliot tried to quash his own feelings of guilt, knowing instinctively that whether directly or not, he was likely the source of Olivia's distress.
After Olivia had taken a few sips of her drink, they made their way to Lydia's office. Due to the early hour, the medical building was still virtually deserted. The elevator ride was a silent one, but as they neared the entrance to the waiting room, Elliot felt as Olivia slipped her hand into his palm, entwining her fingers with his. It was a simple gesture, but spoke volumes. It told him that no matter how nervous his partner was, she still found comfort in his presence, and that brought him peace.
After checking in with the receptionist, Elliot and Olivia took their seats to wait for Lydia to call them back. They were still early for their appointment, but not overly so. Knowing she had a lot on her mind, Elliot didn't try to fill the silence with unnecessary conversation, and instead sat quietly beside his friend in silent support. He also reasoned they would both be doing more than enough talking in a matter of minutes anyway. Elliot wasn't sure what exactly would transpire in this joint session that was about to happen, but one thing was for certain – he was going to let Olivia take the lead. While they'd had a few talks since his return into her life about their years apart and why he'd left, he knew instinctively that she still hadn't fully spoken her piece on his abrupt departure, and he wanted to grant her the space to speak her mind.
For her part, Olivia's brain was swirling just as much as her gut, although the ginger ale had already helped settle her unruly stomach somewhat. Even though she knew she could still back out of her decision to agree to a joint therapy session and see Lydia solo today, she still wanted to continue on as planned. No matter how steady of ground she and Elliot were currently on, there was still so much left unsaid between them. Given their mutual tendencies for avoidance and stubbornness, it would be in their favor to have a mediator to help guide and nudge them along in the right direction as they continued to build the bridge between what had been broken when their working partnership had ended so suddenly.
"Olivia, Elliot? You can come back now."
The sound of Lydia's comforting accent pulled the two occupants of the waiting room from their private thoughts, and with a glance at one another, they gave a nod of affirmation. It was a show of solidarity, of confirmation. Elliot was the first to stand, and he offered his hand to Olivia. She took it without hesitation, and the two walked evenly in step to join the psychiatrist who led them back to her office. Less than a minute later the partners were seated side by side on the comfortable sofa. Lydia was the first to speak.
"I'm going to allow the two of you to take the lead, and this will be a relaxed format, to keep it as comfortable as possible. I will be here to act as a guide if necessary, but if it helps, you can also pretend that I'm not in the room. This is your space to talk about anything that you've ever needed to, free from judgment. Who wants to go first?"
Again, Elliot and Olivia exchanged a glance, holding a quiet, unspoken conversation between them. When she saw the look in his eyes, her features softened, and she nodded her agreement. Turning back to face the psychiatrist, the brunette stated her affirmation.
"I will."
"Okay. That's fine, Olivia. Just so you know, I have a few guidelines for joint therapy, ones that I am sure given your line of work you will both be somewhat familiar with."
The partners looked expectantly at Lydia, waiting for her to continue.
"First, when talking about emotion, try to use only 'I' statements and refrain from suggesting what the other person might be feeling or thinking. The second is try to maintain eye contact as much as possible. Third, always remember not just to hear the other person, but to really listen to what they are telling you. Last but not least, if either of you need a break for any reason, say so, and we can all take a breather."
As though she had already forgotten how to breathe, Olivia exhaled shakily. Immediately on alert, Elliot looked at her with concern, an unspoken question in his eyes. Without a word, she gave him an almost imperceptible nod and wan smile in return, reassuring him that she was okay to continue. It warmed her heart to know that her partner was deferring to her on this, that she was the one in control.
"Okay. I think it would probably be best to begin, not necessarily at the beginning, but at the end. May 2011, to be precise. I could give you the exact day of the week and the time in minutes, hours, and seconds – but then, I know Elliot could, too. It was the day everything fell apart."
In the wake of that opening statement, Olivia and Elliot's expressions were twin masks of pain and anguish. Even though she wasn't aware of the details yet, Lydia picked up on the partners body language immediately, and wanted to tread lightly. At the same time, she was glad that her patient was taking this exercise seriously, and not shying away from even the most sensitive of topics, no matter how difficult they might be.
"Can you tell me more about that Olivia?"
Olivia exhaled a shaky breath, then continued. She gave a brief synopsis of the last case she and Elliot had worked together, only divulging the most minimal of detail. It wasn't out of lack of trust for Lydia, but more of a means to keep from triggering her partner, as she didn't know how much guilt for Jenna's death Elliot still carried on his shoulders. Even though he was sober now, and had been for some time, Olivia didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that for him. As she concluded the harrowing tale, she didn't hesitate to add an afterthought.
"Actually, that is one of the things we have managed to talk about between us. It was right after Elliot first arrived in Cape May. I had asked him to explain where he'd been since I'd seen him last. I won't say that there isn't a part of me that still feels hurt over the way he left, but I do understand his reasons better. I think a part of me always did."
Lydia absorbed what she had been told, and innately understood that this was not something either of the partners would want to go into too much detail with. From the sounds of things, it wasn't the case itself that had caused the breaking point between the two, but rather the aftermath.
"After spending all those years, working together so closely, it must have been incredibly difficult on each of you to have that stop so suddenly. Olivia, you've spoken about some of your feelings on the subject. Elliot, would you like to share what it was like on your end? I know you said you two already discussed this to some extent, but is there anything else you'd like to add?"
Elliot shifted ever so slightly in his seat, to ensure that he was directing his full attention to Olivia. He hesitated for only the briefest of moments before reaching out and taking her hand in his own, wanting to solidify their connection before speaking.
"Believe me when I say this, Liv, that walking away from you the way that I did is the biggest regret of my life. I can't say I'm sorry that I left SVU, because what happened with Jenna was my breaking point. But, I shouldn't have cut contact with you. I know it couldn't have been easy for you to allow me back in, and in many ways I know there is part of you that still hasn't gotten over my leaving. If I have to spend the rest of my days atoning for what I've done, then I will. I just want my best friend back, even if I may not deserve it."
Olivia's featured softened and her brown eyes brimmed with moisture as she tried to reign in her emotions.
"El, you've always been my best friend. I know I haven't said it as much I should, but I'm really glad you're here with me. I don't think I'd be anywhere near as far along in my recovery if not for you. Sometimes, it ends up just like it was on the job – you're an easy target for my anger, so you're always the first person I yell at when when I get upset."
"Really? I hadn't noticed."
Olivia laughed, but her expression conveyed her gratitude at how much she appreciated the moment of levity that Elliot had introduced into the conversation. This was only their first session, and barely twenty minutes in at that, and already things were getting super heavy. It felt good to break things up a bit before she became lost to it all. Then again, when he wasn't pushing her buttons, Elliot always had been able to pull her back from the edge. That was one of the things that Olivia had missed about him the most.
Becoming aware of the fact that her hand was still enveloped in the safety and warmth of Elliot's own palm, Olivia shifted ever so slightly, reluctantly withdrawing her fingers from his hold. To cover from having broken the intimacy of the moment, she uncapped the lid from the ginger ale bottle she still clung to, and took a healthy drink. Her stomach had mostly settled itself by this point, but after the continuous stream of talking, her mouth and throat were dry. Once the cap was safely secured, Olivia rested her hand back on the sofa between their bodies, still close enough to Elliot that she hoped he understood that she wasn't objecting to his proximity. After a minute, she found her voice again.
"I guess even though we've talked about it to a degree, the reasons why you left - and I do understand - I'd be lying if I said the hurt wasn't still there. I think part of it always will be. That doesn't mean that I can't move past it, or that I haven't already forgiven you."
"No, Liv, I know what you mean. To be honest, part of me doesn't feel worthy of your forgiveness, at least not complete absolution. Like I said before, I want to earn your trust back, to be worthy of it. Having that unconditional trust was always one of the greatest gifts you could have ever given me, and I promise you that I will never take it for granted again."
Olivia was deeply touched by Elliot's words, though she had never doubted his previous affirmation. She knew he was being genuine, had been ever since he had shown up on the doorstep of the cottage. Since that night, he had made every effort to put her comfort first, but it was time that became a two way street. Not that she hadn't been considerate before now, or that their communication had been lacking – if anything, it had improved greatly, especially since she had begun seeing Lydia. But the way Olivia saw it, some of the things she'd endured since Elliot had left weren't exactly easy conversation starters. It went beyond just talking about Lewis, though that was one considerable obstacle that she was still trying to overcome. It got better every day, and maybe if she could relay to her partner all of the things she'd been through in his absence, it would make dealing with the monsters lingering in her present a bit easier.
"El, you have to know, it was never a question of trust. When it comes to that, my faith in you is innate, second nature. I'm not going to lie, and I don't want to keep rehashing it, so after this, it will be the last I'll mention it. When you left, it did break me, but not in the way that you think. I felt abandoned, but it also hurt because it felt that for all the trust I'd placed in you, I hadn't done enough to allow you to place that same trust in me. But we've discussed your reasons, and we can move on from that. Our foundation is so much stronger, which is why I can let you be here for me now, even if I have already and likely will get angry with you in the future."
Elliot absorbed the words, feeling a strange sensation wash over him. She still trusted him. Despite everything he had done to shatter that bond by walking away without a word, she still trusted him. Granted, Olivia had proven that in actions, simply by allowing her vulnerability to show in his presence, but hearing it aloud did his soul so much good. But there was something deeper in her statement, too, something he couldn't let slide. It wasn't the part about her getting angry at him – that was inevitable, and if he was being honest with himself, Elliot knew he would welcome it. No matter how often Olivia told him she had forgiven him, he had yet to forgive himself. No, what had struck a chord with him was the fact that his partner had said this would be the last time she would mention her hurt.
"Liv, listen to me. I don't want this to be the last time for you to mention how much I've hurt you. I don't want you to lock it away, to compartmentalize it. That's why we're here, right? To get it all out in the open? So, don't keep it bottled up on my account, or even for yours. I promise you, you can't say anything worse to me than the insults I've hurled at myself over the years. Let me hear it, let me know what I've put you through. I wasn't kidding the night I came back when I offered to let you punch me. That means those hits don't have to be physical. If you want to toss some verbal blows in my direction, don't hold back. Not now, not ever."
"El-"
The pain and hesitation in Olivia's voice nearly broke Elliot's heart, but he knew he had to remain insistent, or she would shut down and lock away her emotions. It was one trait they both possessed – sheer stubbornness and a tendency to close themselves off out of a tendency for self preservation. Logically, he knew their mutual dysfunctional childhoods were to blame, but that didn't mean they couldn't correct those habits now. It didn't matter that he was only a couple of years away from his fiftieth birthday, it was never too late for self improvement. He imagined Olivia felt the same. More than that, he wanted to improve who they were together.
"Don't 'El' me. You've never been afraid of telling me how it is, or putting me in my place. I don't want that to ever change. So, if I'm being an ass, I want you to call me out on it. If I've hurt you, I want you to say so to my face. I know what you're worried about, and while I can't guarantee that you don't have to be, I can assure you that if I feel myself slipping and whatever is being said is too much, I will let you know, okay?"
Olivia was silent for a minute, her brown eyes darting back and forth between Elliot's blues, trying to get a read on him – to ascertain if he was telling the truth, or merely telling her what he thought she wanted to hear. When she saw the certainty and sincerity in his expression, her own features softened even more, and her hand reached back out to his, clasping his fingers within her grasp for the second time since the session with Lydia had begun.
"Okay, El. Okay."
Lydia was about to suggest a brief break, when it occurred to her that it was unnecessary. Elliot and Olivia were already doing that on their own - the former encouraging the latter to take some deep breaths, and making sure she still had enough to drink. To the psychiatrists amusement, it was almost as though they had forgotten about her presence in the room entirely. This was certainly one of the most interesting joint therapy sessions she had ever had the opportunity of mediating. While it was no secret that each individual – and therefore couple – had their own unique way of communicating, this duo was unlike anything she had ever seen before.
Granted, this wasn't the first time she had observed the pair in action, Elliot having accompanied Olivia to more than one session in the past. It was no secret that the man was determined to be a support system, a steadfast champion, the rock that the Sergeant needed to lean on as she traveled down the road to recovery. It was also apparent that the two had a somewhat tumultuous history, but despite some rockiness in their past, their foundation remained as solid as ever.
The one thing that was proving difficult for Lydia was that despite all the progress that was already happening before her very eyes, not all of the communication had been verbal, and thus, was very hard to follow along with. Olivia and Elliot had a way of talking to one another without using words – only the most subtle glances or touches – and it was something that was truly beautiful to witness. Lydia could only imagine what it must have been like for the two of them together on the job, to possess that innate ability, that unique shorthand. While they were making progress between themselves in the session, she as leader was feeling a bit out of touch, and she needed to try and steer things a bit. Lydia only hoped that by speaking up, she wouldn't startle either of the other occupants in her office.
"You've already covered a lot of ground for today. Did you need to stop here, or would you rather continue? I can still give you the full time for the session if you need to talk about something else, I just don't want to overwhelm either of you."
Judging by the expressions on Olivia and Elliot's faces as they turned their heads to face her, it was just as Lydia had guessed – both of them had forgotten her presence in the room entirely. Thankfully, neither had been startled by her question. Instead, the psychiatrist had to fight her amusement as the two occupants of her office used their unspoken skills to communicate yet again. This time, it was Elliot checking in with Olivia, even though it appeared that the brunette was showing equal concern for her partner. After a few moments, they must have reached either a consensus or a stalemate, because it was Olivia who offered an almost imperceptible nod to Elliot before turning to Lydia.
"We're good to continue. Was there something you wanted to ask?"
Lydia hesitated for only a moment. She did, in fact, have a question. It was just a matter of trying to decide if this was the right time. Reasoning that the two people in front of her were still trying to decompress and process the emotional conversations they'd had thus far, Lydia figured it wouldn't hurt to introduce something lighter into the room, and perhaps satisfy her curiosity in the process.
"How do you two do it?"
The psychiatrist saw the obvious masks of confusion and rushed to clarify.
"I mean, how do the two of you manage to communicate with one another so effortlessly, and without words? I've had married couples come to me who have been together for decades and don't have those skills. Although, come to think of it, lack of communication was probably one of the reasons they were seeking my help to begin with, but that's beside the point. The pair of you, though, it's beyond just having a strong bond, it's as if you have your own unique language."
Elliot and Olivia shared a glance and a grin. A nod from the brunette gave Elliot the confidence he needed to answer for the both of them.
"I suppose it could be said that we do have our own language. We developed it fairly early on in our partnership. Looking back, I'm not entirely sure if it was something conscious on our parts, or a more instinctual and natural evolution. All I do know is the longer we knew one another, the stronger that connection became. Until I blew it all to hell, that is."
"El -"
Olivia's admonition was gentle, but Elliot wasn't hearing it.
"No, Liv, it's true. It's what I did. It doesn't matter the circumstance or the reasons behind it, by walking away the way I did, I effectively destroyed our partnership. Because of that, I wasn't there when you needed me the most."
Refusing to let Elliot pull away for a second time, and continue beating himself up, Olivia grasped one of his hands in both of hers, holding on tightly until he made eye contact.
"I'm not going to lie to you El. It hurt that you weren't there, because when I was at my most frightened, it was you who I wanted to come to my rescue. But you aren't responsible for what happened to me. Our connection is still there. No amount of time could change that."
"But that's just it. I wasn't there when you needed me. I know your trauma isn't supposed to be about me, but I still carry guilt because of it. I don't know how to reconcile that."
Olivia clung tighter to Elliot's hand, both of them fighting back tears now.
"This is going to sound strange El, but I'm glad you weren't there the day Lewis broke into my apartment. Because if you had been, and realized something was wrong and come charging in an attempt to protect me, he most likely would have killed you. Don't get me wrong, I hate what happened to me – I always will. But what is even harder to deal with are the other people he hurt that I wasn't able to prevent. You may not have been there when that monster was tearing my life apart, but you're here now. You're the one who is helping me piece it back together. Because of the stability you've given me, I'm finding the strength within myself to heal."
After Olivia's emphatic declaration, neither could hold back their emotions any longer. Elliot carefully pulled his hand from his partner's grasp, only to immediately envelop her in an embrace that allowed them to cling to one another until they were able to ground themselves by the sheer presence of being so close to the other. Lydia took careful note of what had just transpired, and after a glance at the clock, wisely decided it was time to bring the session to a close, even if it was a few minutes early. It was obvious that both Elliot and Olivia were equally spent.
"Okay, I think we'll stop there for today. Before we reschedule, I'll give you both a few minutes to collect yourselves, and also allow for some time in case either of you have any questions or concerns that you wanted to talk about with me."
Elliot and Olivia held on to one another for a few minutes more, until it was Olivia who reluctantly pulled away. She was about to wipe away her tears with her fingertips when Elliot reached into his pocket and withdrew a handkerchief, which he passed wordlessly to the woman sitting beside him. Accepting the folded cotton square gratefully, Olivia dried her eyes before passing it back and turning to face the psychiatrist.
"I did have one question. It's probably something I should wait until our private session to ask, but I don't mind if Elliot listens, as this affects him, too. While my sleep has been marginally better since I started taking the Trazadone that you prescribed, I'm still dealing with night terrors. It's to the point that they are almost crippling. I know that is all a part of PTSD, but it's just so damn frustrating, and I hate that I have to relive what I've been through practically every time I close my eyes. Is there anything else that can help?"
Olivia had rushed on to get her question out, almost as if she were afraid she were going to lose her nerve. Now, in the aftermath, she was feeling breathless and ashamed, as though under a microscope. However, when Elliot lay his palm at the nape of her neck underneath her hair, squeezing gently, it calmed her almost instantly. Olivia allowed herself to focus on the warmth of his touch and tried to center her breathing until the feeling of panic passed.
"I'm sorry you are still dealing with night terrors, Olivia. I know, given your line of work, that I don't have to tell you that they are common, and I also know that hearing that doesn't help any, either. However, there is something else we can try, although it does mean adding another medication to your regimen, and I am fully aware of your comfort level where pills are concerned. But, if you are willing to try, we could start you on a low dose of Prazosin, and see how you do."
"What is that, exactly?"
"Well, technically, the class of medication it is in is for high blood pressure, although it is not a commonly used treatment. It has a much wider off-label success in treating PTSD, often for veterans. I would have suggested it as a possibility for you sooner, but given when you were hospitalized you had issues with your blood pressure running low, I wanted to wait until it had stabilized."
Olivia gnawed on her lower lip, and cast a glance at Elliot, who did nothing but offer a nod of encouragement.
"You don't need my permission, Liv, but I think it's worth a try."
Nodding her agreement, Olivia turned back to face Lydia.
"He's right, and I agree. I don't know if it will work or not, but it certainly can't make things any worse. I'll give this Prazosin a shot."
After they had scheduled another visit, Olivia and Elliot exited Lydia's office. There was a mutual unspoken agreement between them to stop at the nearby restrooms so they could each compose themselves before heading down to the parking lot. Once they were safely seated inside Elliot's SUV, it seemed that after all the heavy discussion they had shared, neither were willing to speak. Ultimately, it was Olivia who broke the silence.
"El, I know we had other plans for today, but would you mind if we just headed back to the cottage instead? It's nothing against you, but I'm not in the mood to deal with people right now. In fact, I may just take a nap."
"That's perfectly fine, Liv, you don't have to explain. We can always do the gym another time – or even later this afternoon if we change our minds. The only stop we need to make is at the pharmacy, but since Lydia sent it over electronically, there shouldn't be too long of a wait."
"Sounds good."
When they arrived at the local grocery store they had been using, Elliot parked by the pharmacy entrance and left the SUV running while he ran in to grab Olivia's prescription. Since they had recently had a delivery, there wasn't anything else he needed to pick up, so it would be a quick stop. Alone in the vehicle, Olivia was still trying to center herself by focusing on her breathing and was counting the minutes until she could change back into comfortable clothing and burrow under the covers on her bed. Somewhere in the back of her mind, there was the nagging sensation that she needed to work up the courage that when she did lie down for a nap, to ask Elliot if he would stay with her. After the emotional roller coaster that therapy session had been – cathartic or not – Olivia knew she did not want to be alone.
Lost to her thoughts, Olivia didn't hear or see Elliot's approach, and startled when the driver's side door opened unexpectedly. With a sharp cry, she reached reflexively toward her hip for a weapon that hadn't been there for some time. That response ultimately triggered another memory, one of which prompted the brunette to berate herself as to why she couldn't have reacted so instinctively all those months ago when she heard a noise after walking into her apartment. Out of nowhere, the tears began to flow in a torrent, and Olivia was aware of nothing else except her grief until a strong pair of arms wrapped around her to hold her steady.
"I'm here, Liv. I'm here. I'm so sorry I scared you."
Elliot was kicking himself, knowing that yet again, he had inadvertently caused someone he cared for deeply to be so very upset. But he pushed those feelings down, as he didn't have the time or the energy to focus on his own distress right now. What mattered in this moment was Olivia, and reassuring her that she wasn't alone. As far as he was concerned, she could cry as long as she liked, his only worry was with the current rate of her breathing, his partner was going to hyperventilate.
"Don't worry, Liv, I'm not going to tell you to calm down. You have every right to be as upset as you want. Your feelings matter. What I do need you to do is try and steady your breathing for me, only so you don't make yourself sick, okay?"
Though it wasn't an actual confirmation, Olivia managed a small sound by way of response, and Elliot knew she was hearing him.
"If it's all right with you, I'm going to pull you a little closer against me, okay? I want you to focus on the feel of my chest expanding with every breath I take, and try to match it with one of your own. We'll do it together, ready?"
Elliot felt Olivia nod from where her head was tucked underneath his chin, and inhaled deeply. He felt as she did the same, and a few beats later they let the air expel from their lungs, Olivia's albeit more shakily than his. Still holding his partner in a secure but gentle embrace, Elliot repeated the process a few more times, and gradually felt as her panic began to ebb away and the tears that had been coursing down her cheeks slowed. When Olivia shifted, he immediately loosened his grip, allowing her freedom of movement. Passing her his handkerchief for the second time that day, Elliot also reached for a water bottle resting in the cup holder of the center console and uncapped it, wordlessly offering a drink.
"Thank you. I'm sorry I fell apart."
"You have nothing you need to apologize for, Liv. Let's get you back to the cottage, okay?"
Relieved that Elliot wasn't pushing her to talk about what had caused her breakdown – even though she knew he wouldn't – Olivia could only nod as she put her seat belt back on and settled herself back into the passenger seat. As Elliot pulled out onto the highway that would take them back toward the safety of the cottage, he also took a chance. He knew Olivia would want to travel the remaining miles in silence, but he still wanted to offer his support. Resting his hand in between their seats with the palm up, he left the option open so she could take it if she so chose. Keeping his eyes focused on the road, it was only a few seconds later that Elliot felt the warmth of Olivia's skin meet his own, and her fingers entwined with his.
Fifteen minutes later, Elliot was pulling into his parking spot beside Olivia's SUV in the driveway. Glancing to his right, he noticed that the woman beside him had dozed off on their journey. Not wanting to frighten her for a second time, he squeezed her hand lightly, guiding her back to consciousness.
"Hey, Liv, we made it. How about we get inside so you can get that nap you've been wanting, okay?"
"Sounds good."
Though neither mentioned it out loud, it was with reluctance on both their parts that they broke the connection of their hand hold. The pair made their way to the front door, Olivia trailing ever so slightly behind Elliot. Once they were inside, Elliot locked up behind them and turned to face his partner, who, for all intents and purposes, looked to be swaying on her feet.
"You okay? Did you need to sit down?"
"No, but I might just lay on the couch down here in the living room for a nap instead. I want to change into comfortable clothes and be in my bed more than anything, but I don't think I have the energy to climb the stairs."
Elliot crossed the room in three strides to stand in front of the woman who looked like she was going to collapse from exhaustion at any minute. Taking both of her hands in his, he squeezed gently until she made eye contact with him.
"Liv, if that's what you really want, I can help you up the stairs. I can either walk with you, or if you're too tired, I can carry you. But I'm not going to do either of those things without your consent. You've had enough to deal with and process today, and I'm not going to make any decisions for you. If you want to stay down here, say the word, and I'll bring down your pillow and a blanket. But, if you need to be in the safety and privacy of your bedroom, I can make that happen, too."
A myriad of emotions flitted across Olivia's face as she warred with herself over what choice to make. It was no secret she prided herself on being an independent woman, but she had been trying harder to accept help, and this was most definitely one of those times. There was no way she would be able to get the kind of quality sleep she needed on a couch.
"Okay, El. Could you carry me up the stairs? I do have one condition though -"
"I won't tell a soul, Olivia, I promise."
Elliot had interrupted before she could even finish her sentence, and Olivia was filled with the same sense of warmth she always felt whenever her partner managed to know her as well as – or even better than – she knew herself. As he braced an arm behind her shoulders she wrapped both arms around his neck, and he scooped her up behind the knees in an effortless move and ascended the staircase without a word. Once they were in her bedroom he set her gently on her feet beside the bed, and turned to leave.
"Wait!"
Spinning on his heel, Elliot turned to face her once more.
"Could you, I mean, would you stay with me? I mean, I can't guarantee that I'm going to be nightmare free after everything that's happened this morning, but if they do, I don't want to be alone."
Elliot rested his palm on the side of Olivia's face, cupping her cheek softly.
"Of course I'll stay, Liv. I'll just give you a few minutes to change while I put something else on, too, then I'll be right back, okay?"
Pressing a soft kiss to Olivia's forehead, Elliot turned and left the room, closing the door to ensure her privacy as he went. The brunette stood staring for a second or two before snapping out of her daze and walking to the dresser. Opening a drawer and selecting a pair of loose fitting knit drawstring pants and one of her partner's old NYPD tee shirts, she slipped into the makeshift pajamas, then used the bathroom. Back in the bedroom, Olivia crawled under the covers and tried to make herself more comfortable. She had just settled her head on the pillow when there was a soft knock on the door.
"You can come in, El."
Elliot entered the room, closing the door once more before padding softly over to the bed. Reaching for the spare blanket on the bottom, he proceeded to situate himself on top of the comforter, then lay down next to Olivia.
"You don't have to keep doing that, you know. We can share."
"Olivia, it means the world to me that you trust me, and maybe at some point we can try that, but not today. The last thing I'd ever want to do is upset you, and you've already been through so much, and it's not even noon yet. It's enough that you're letting me be here to support you. All I want you to do is rest, and just let me take care of you, okay?"
"Okay."
Olivia gnawed on her lower lip, and Elliot could sense there was something else she wanted to ask him. Taking a chance on exactly what that was, he opened his arms. His guess having been proven correct, Olivia moved closer, abandoning her pillow in favor of his chest, and he wrapped her up in the safety of his embrace.
"Sleep now, Liv. I've got you."
Despite his assurances that he, too, would be getting some rest, Elliot had been keeping a watchful eye on Olivia ever since she had fallen asleep thirty minutes prior. But now, the combination of fatigue from their emotionally exhausting therapy session and the steady cadence of his partner's exhales was starting to lull him into slumber, too. No matter how valiant his efforts to stay awake, Elliot felt his eyelids growing heavier, his muscles relaxing as the siren song of dreamland called to him. He tried to swallow down the feelings of guilt that insisted he remain awake, reminding himself that his own self care mattered too, and his need for rest was just as important as Olivia's.
It couldn't have been very long after he dozed off when a shrill cry met his ears, sending shivers down his spine. Though Olivia's nights were still interrupted by haunting memories on occasion, they had been fewer and farther between of late. But there was no mistaking that sound of sheer terror that resonated from his partner's throat, and chilled Elliot to the depths of his soul. He was just easing Olivia from his arms so he wouldn't startle her any more than she already was when she woke when she reacted suddenly and violently, striking out against what her sleep tormented mind determined to be an unwelcome assailant.
In all his years working with her, and even since his return to her life, Elliot had long been aware of the power behind Olivia's right hook. But it wasn't until now that he had ever been on the receiving end of one. Stars swam in front of his eyes, but Elliot tried to will them away with a shake of his head, Olivia his primary focus. She was still trapped within the clutches of her nightmare, and he couldn't allow her to linger within its grasp for a moment longer than necessary. Ignoring the pain radiating through his face, Elliot tried to reach his partner, calling to her with a gentle voice and avoiding all physical contact out of fear of frightening her again.
"Liv. Olivia. It's Elliot, I'm here, you're safe, it's just a dream. Come back to me. Just open your eyes and I'll be right in front of you."
"El?"
The anguish in Olivia's voice, coupled with the uncertainty that he could hear was enough to break Elliot's heart. He knew from his own experiences that all-encompassing terror and the way it stole the trust you had with yourself, to the point that it left you questioning your own sanity. No doubt Olivia was hovering right now somewhere between the conscious world and the terrifying clutches that still held her trapped within a dream, wondering if she were merely imagining having heard his voice or if his presence really was part of her reality. Not for the first time, Elliot berated himself for the way things played out. Just as quickly, he shoved that thought down, as what mattered right now was getting Olivia to feel calm and safe, and not his own selfish needs.
"Yeah, Liv. It's me."
Olivia still hadn't opened her eyes, but she tentatively reached a hand out in his direction. Without hesitation, Elliot linked their fingers together – any attempt to build a connection that would give the woman next to him the faith to believe that she was with a trusted friend and not a monster.
Feeling the pressure on his hand intensify, Elliot involuntarily held his breath as he waited, barely counting the seconds until Olivia's lashes fluttered and he was once again gazing into her chocolate irises. The tears that were threatening to fall weren't lost on him, but nothing would ever make him mention that – not in a million years.
"I'm sorry."
"No, Liv, no. You have nothing you need to apologize for."
Olivia shook her head and exhaled a sigh, and Elliot recognized the self deprecation behind that gesture.
"Hey – it's okay, Liv. I just want you to look at me, can you do that?"
Uncertain whether Olivia was merely complying with his request, or unwilling to back down from what she perceived as a challenge – even if it was simply one she had imposed upon herself – Elliot watched as the brunette locked eyes with him once more. He started to reach toward her, then thought better of it, opting to first ask for permission. It didn't matter that Olivia was already clinging to his hand with everything she was worth, Elliot reasoned – no, any additional contact would require her express consent.
"Liv, is it all right if I touch you? By that, I mean, can I put my other hand your cheek? I want to try and help ground you, but I won't do it if you don't want me to."
"Yes."
With slow, deliberate movements, Elliot reached out, ensuring that his hand was visible at all times. He rested his palm against Olivia's cheek, noting to himself that her skin was damp from the tears she hadn't been able to prevent from falling. Wordlessly, he swiped them away with the pad of his thumb. Then, with the same gentleness, he took their two hands that were still entwined and brought them toward his chest, pressing Olivia's palm directly over his heart.
"Feel my heartbeat, Liv. I'm right here with you. Focus on my breathing, and try and match it. It will take some time, but you'll get there. I'm not going anywhere."
Olivia closed her eyes, feeling safe in her partner's presence and listened to what he was telling her. She willed herself to concentrate on the rhythmic thumping beneath her hand, and tried to center herself until her erratic breaths evened out enough to mimic those of the man who was treating her with such tenderness and patience.
After several minutes, the feelings of panic and terror that had consumed her gradually began to abate, and Olivia allowed herself to meet Elliot's compassionate gaze. But beyond the warmth she witnessed in the swirling sea of azure blue in front of her, there was something else – something that made the weight of guilt settle over her almost immediately. That was because there was no way to ignore the slight swelling on the side of Elliot's face, nor the discoloration that was starting to appear.
"Elliot, I'm so sorry."
Out of shame, Olivia tried to duck her head and attempted to retreat as far away as she could, without actually leaving the comfort that being close to her partner allowed. She knew it was selfish on her part, but was also aware that his proximity was the one thing that was keeping her from completely losing her shit.
"You have nothing to be sorry for."
Broken, and feeling completely defeated, Olivia tried to force the words out, though the admission was a painful one.
"I hit you."
"No, you were reacting to whatever was happening in your nightmare. My face just happened to be in the way. This wasn't your fault."
His response had been so logical, so matter-of-fact, that Olivia couldn't help but make sense of it. But then just beneath that was the trademark Elliot sense of humor, and the more she turned it over in her head, considered his 'my face just got in the way', she was overcome with overwhelming urge to giggle. Gnawing on her lower lip to keep her laughter from breaking free, Olivia was winning the battle until she made eye contact with her partner, and noticed he, too, was on the verge of breaking. When he crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue at her, there was no holding back any longer, and they both started laughing.
"Well, that melon of yours is a hard target to miss."
"You wound me, Benson."
"I thought I already did that?"
That started another round of laughter between the partners, Olivia's terrifying nightmare temporarily forgotten. The levity hadn't eclipsed the guilt the brunette was feeling at having injured her friend – albeit accidentally – but she wasn't being as hard on herself as she was upon first discovering what had happened. To make up for it, Olivia insisted that she be the one to take care of lunch for them while Elliot took a turn relaxing with an ice pack to minimize the bruise.
"It's not necessary, Liv, but I'm not going to fight you on it, either."
Thirty minutes later, lunch was almost ready. After Elliot had taken some Tylenol and used a cold compress for a decent amount of time, Olivia had reconsidered and consented to allow him in the kitchen. It wasn't that she necessarily needed his help, but she did appreciate the company, and lately they had gotten in the habit of preparing meals together, so it seemed neither one of them were willing to break up that routine.
Given their limited breakfast, both were equally hungry, yet not wanting to go overboard with something too complex. Instead, even though it would be a repeat of what they'd had very recently, Olivia delegated to Elliot the task of grilling some turkey burgers outside while she took care of making some sweet potato fries and tossing a simple salad.
Before long, they were seated at the table, plates of food and glasses of iced tea in front of them, eating in a companionable silence. When they were nearly through, Elliot took a lengthy sip of his tea, and asked the brunette sitting across from him a question.
"Not trying to put any pressure on you Liv, but did you want to plan anything else for today, or would you rather just stay around here and relax?"
"As much as I was looking forward to getting started at the gym, there is no way I'm in the head space for dealing with people today. However, if it isn't too short of notice, maybe tomorrow we could check out the lighthouse? I've really been wanting to do that, and it's supposed to be the last day of mild weather before the rains move back in."
"We can do that, Liv. In fact, I'll check for tickets right now."
True to his word, Elliot set down his fork. After taking a moment to wipe his hands, he picked up his phone that lay on the table beside his plate and began tapping away at the screen. Less than a few seconds later, he glanced up and gave a smile.
"Tickets secured. We are in the first group when the lighthouse opens at ten tomorrow morning. And you don't have to worry about a lot of people, because they only allow about twenty in a group. I guess it keeps the observation area from getting too crowded."
"Thank you, El."
Reaching a hand across the table to cover hers, Elliot squeezed gently.
"You don't need to thank me, Liv. I made a promise that I'd take you to see the lighthouse, and I'm never going to break another promise to you again."
Olivia was too choked up to respond, but the look on her face said it all. Deciding to give her some time, Elliot stood and gathered their empty plates, insisting that he would be the one to clean up since she had done most of the work cooking. He also promised he would return shortly with something to satisfy her sweet tooth.
"El, if it's alright with you, I think I'll have my dessert in the living room."
"No problem. Go ahead and get comfortable, maybe even pick out a movie or something for us to watch if you're in the mood for that. I'll be right in."
Following her partner's directive, Olivia padded into the other room, picking up the remote and situating herself on the couch. Just before sitting, she grabbed a throw blanket to cover her legs with. Systematically searching through the options on one of the streaming services she found something that would provide some mindless entertainment without requiring too much concentration. A few moments later, Elliot appeared at her side, holding out one of her favorite chocolate bars.
"I thought maybe you could use something like this today. I stocked up on some the last time I ordered groceries, and thought I'd keep them on hand just in case."
"Thanks. It's just what I needed."
"Is it all right if I sit next to you?"
"Please."
Elliot sat down, and his heart warmed when Olivia immediately leaned into him, resting her body against his chest and curling her legs up to the side. He didn't hesitate to wrap an arm around her shoulders and pull her closer. What he did manage to do, however, was hide his smile when the woman in his arms began to devour her dessert as though she had never seen chocolate before in her life.
"Remember to breathe while eating that, Liv."
"Shut up."
Elliot turned his head to the side, pressing a feather-light kiss to Olivia's temple. When he next spoke, his tone had taken on a reflective quality.
"Speaking of remembering things, I can recall a time early on in our partnership when I learned the hard way to always keep a stash of those candy bars in my desk for emergencies after that one rough case we caught."
"Oh, you mean the one where the two detectives from Brooklyn who were helping out the squad stole our lunch – not to mention my chocolate – while I was dealing with the worst cramps I'd ever had, not to mention being an absolute bitch to you?"
"That's the one. Only you're wrong about one thing, Liv. You've never been a bitch to me."
Olivia made a non-committal humming sound, neither agreeing nor arguing with Elliot's statement. Instead, she took another bite of her candy bar, savoring the taste. The occasion Elliot had mentioned had stirred up other memories – the years she had spent working by his side, and how without fail every month when she was feeling her worst, the same chocolate she was enjoying now would show up on her desk whenever she needed it most.
"Did you want some of this?"
"No, thank you, I'm good. That's for you to enjoy."
There had been a two-fold purpose to Olivia's question, even if she had known what Elliot's answer would be before she asked. The first was because she didn't want to be greedy, although if she were being honest with herself, she was quickly becoming full, and would likely have to stop soon and save the rest for the later. The other was a means of deflection from focusing on what was really weighing on her mind – the reason why she was avoiding looking at her partner.
Despite the proactive measures with the ice, the bruising along Elliot's jaw was becoming more and more evident, the dark purple hue standing out as a stark reminder of the punch she had landed on his face. Even though he had repeatedly assured her that she wasn't to blame, Olivia still felt a great deal of guilt. Not just for having caused injury to someone she cared about, but because it was the second such time she had ever done so. Granted, the first had happened several years before and Elliot's life had been at stake, at the time Olivia had been forced to slap him repeatedly in order to convince Dale Stuckey that she was on his side and betraying her partner. Back then, Elliot had known the reasons behind it. What she had done today was completely unprovoked and the only reason he had gotten hurt was because he had been in her bed in an attempt to comfort her. She couldn't let it happen again. She had to keep him at arm's length.
"It's not going to work, Liv."
Confused, but having a good idea what Elliot was referring to, Olivia shifted ever so slightly. She was facing more or less in his direction now, but still not quite making eye contact.
"I was talking out loud, wasn't I?"
"Yes, you were. If you're trying to tell me you want me to stay away from you because that's what you want, that's fine. You know I'll respect whatever you decide. But if you're going to punish yourself and keep me away because you think its for 'my own good' – especially for something that you had no control over – I don't want you doing that."
Olivia sighed. She wanted to curse her own weakness, and for having spoken her intrusive thoughts aloud when she'd only meant to be turning them over in her mind. But logically, she knew that even if she hadn't, Elliot would have figured her out anyway. He was the only person who knew her better than she knew herself, and once again, he was right – not that she'd ever admit to that to him.
"You have a point. I just don't want to hurt you again."
"I'm not going to say it won't happen, but if that's a risk I have to take to make sure you feel safe, then I'll be there. You know that when I first got back I offered to let you punch me, and I meant it. I've also offered to be your sparring partner, too. If it will make you feel better, I can sleep in full body armor and you can wear boxing gloves, okay?"
Despite her efforts not to, Olivia couldn't help the laughter that bubbled forth.
"You are such an idiot."
"That may be, but at least I got you to laugh. Now, give me some of that chocolate!"
"You said you didn't want any!"
"I changed my mind."
"Too bad. I don't feel like sharing anymore."
Elliot pulled Olivia closer to him again, laughing as he did so. He placed a kiss to the crown of her head and murmured in her ear.
"I was only kidding anyway. Just wanted to see what you'd do."
"Asshole."
Playful argument over for the moment, the two partners settled in to resume watching television, Olivia feeling the most content she had all day.
As the afternoon morphed into early evening, Olivia went back on her previous thoughts about not wanting to go anywhere, and decided to ask Elliot if they could go for a short walk on the beach. In particular, she had in mind that she wanted to watch the sunset. It had occurred to her that in all the time she'd been in Cape May so far, she'd yet to watch a sunset from the shore. Maybe it was because they tended to go out more in the mornings, and keep to the indoors – or even the patio – in the evenings, but it had always been something she wanted to do.
"Are you sure you want me to come with you, Liv? If you need some time to yourself, I'd understand. I can always stay here."
"I appreciate it, El, and maybe another time I might take you up on that offer, but I really don't want to be alone right now."
"Not a problem. Let's head out. Did you want to take something with us to the beach? A drink or anything?"
Olivia shook her head, then added that only a blanket would be needed. The rest could wait until they came back and figured out what to have for dinner.
A short while later, Olivia and Elliot were seated side by side on a large blanket, watching the gentle waves break against the shore. A soft breeze was blowing, and despite the chill in the air from the approaching sunset, Olivia felt perfectly warm wrapped up in one of Elliot's hoodies. Even though she still had his old gray sweatshirt from their time together as partners stashed in her closet, ever since his return, she had also stolen a second one. In fact, it was no secret to Elliot that the longer he and Olivia shared living space together at the cottage, his clothes kept disappearing. Not that he would ever complain. As far as he was concerned, Olivia could pilfer his entire wardrobe, so long as it made her feel safe.
As the pair silently watched the sun appear to sink into the ocean over the horizon, Elliot cast a glance to his left. To his dismay, he felt as though his heart were breaking when he noticed that once again that day, tears were coursing down his partner's cheeks. Aching to offer comfort, he reached out a hand – only to come to a realization. Unlike the way she had wept that morning during their therapy session, or even following her terrifying dream in the afternoon, this outpouring of emotion seemed to be cathartic in nature, and had an aura of healing about it. It was a release – an exorcism of sorts – and Elliot could only hope it would bring the woman he cared for the freedom and peace she deserved. He knew that the road to recovery was still a journey to travel, but any hurdle that could be tackled and won was a step in the right direction.
Once the sun was fully set, Olivia wiped away the remnants of her tears, as though she were coming back to herself, and only now aware of the fact that she had been crying. Turning to glance at Elliot, there was a look of panic in her eyes, and when she spoke, a tremor in her voice she was unable to conceal.
"Watching the sunset was beautiful, but I'll admit I didn't think about it very well. I didn't think about the fact that it would get so dark so fast, and we still have to walk back to the cottage. I know it's not far, and this is anything but the city, but I've not been out at night on my own since Lew – since 'it' happened, and I'm scared."
It was as though she didn't want to speak that monster's name out loud, not of fear – but because she didn't want to give him that kind of power over her. Wanting to offer whatever comfort he could, Elliot didn't hesitate to take Olivia's hand in his own. She was noticeably trembling, but he didn't comment on that, instead he remained focused on trying to reassure her.
"It's okay, Liv, you don't have to explain, not to me. First things first, I'm not going to let anything happen to you, okay? Second, I remembered to bring a flashlight along, just in case. The street lights are plenty bright, but if it will make you feel better, we can use that, too, to light our way."
"Thanks, El. You probably think I'm being ridiculous. Hell, I think I'm being ridiculous."
Standing and brushing off his backside, even though there was no way possible for any sand to have gathered there because of the blanket they had been sitting on, Elliot offered a hand to his partner to help her to his feet. Before folding the blanket, Elliot enveloped Olivia in a gentle hug and placed a soft kiss on her temple, whispering in her ear.
"I think nothing of the sort. Your response is perfectly natural. You know as well as I do that we're always harder on ourselves than we are on others. I think it's time we started listening to our own advice, or at least tried to."
Turning on the flashlight, Elliot passed it into Olivia's waiting hand. In the glow of the artificial light, there was no missing the smirk on the woman's face.
"Was that last statement directed at me, or yourself?"
"I think both of us? Heaven knows we're stubborn enough to need to hear it."
"Isn't that the truth."
Holding the flashlight in her free hand, Olivia slipped her other one into Elliot's waiting palm, linking their fingers together. Falling into step beside him, they started the short trek back to the cottage, Olivia secure in the knowledge that she could trust Elliot with her safety.
Once they were safely back in the place Olivia was coming to consider 'home', she relinquished her hold on the flashlight, secure that she could trust Elliot to lock up behind them. Spinning on her heel, she turned to face him, gazing up at her partner, and once again Olivia marveled at just how well this man knew her.
"Hungry? I can get started on something for us."
Olivia opened her mouth – not to necessarily argue, but to instead offer her help, and Elliot placed a lone finger on her lips to silence her.
"You took care of the majority of lunch, let me handle dinner."
"Okay, you win. I can't believe I'm saying this, because it gives you an awful lot of power – and I know how much that can go to your head, but I have absolutely no clue what I want. So, surprise me."
"Oh, I'm definitely marking this day down in the calendar."
Olivia shot Elliot a withering glance and was about to say something else when he beat her to it.
"I know, I know – 'shut up, Elliot'. You go rest, Benson. I'll call you when dinner is ready."
"Deal."
Olivia wasn't sure what she had been expecting, but when she was called to the table a short while later, she was pleasantly surprised to see that her partner had created a simple dinner of fajitas for them – sizzling chicken mixed with peppers and onions, surrounded by an array of warm tortillas and other toppings. There was even a basket of chips with a side of warm queso, and as always, their ever-present glasses of iced tea.
"Thanks, El, this looks amazing."
Despite the many ups and downs the day had brought, dinner was quiet and relaxing, and Elliot had kept Olivia entertained with their plans for the following day. His jokes about whether or not he would need an inhaler to make it up the many steps of the lighthouse had her laughing so hard she almost spit iced tea at him, until she had calmed enough to remind him that he was in the best shape of his life.
"Oh, so you like what you see?"
"Don't push it, Stabler, or I won't compliment you again."
"Noted."
A few hours later, much after the table had been cleared and the dishes of the day had run for a cycle in the dishwasher, Elliot and Olivia were just finishing up watching some of the haunted travel show that they had been enjoying the past few days. Glancing at the clock, Olivia stood, and announced that she wanted to relax in a bath for a bit before heading to bed, knowing that while they didn't have to get up super early the following morning, they still had an adventure that awaited them.
"El, I hate to be a bother, but would you mind staying with me tonight? I'm terrified that we're going to have a repeat of this afternoon if you do, but I think I learned the hard way last night that I don't do so well on my own."
"Liv, you're not a bother. Whatever it is you need, you tell me, and I'll do everything within my power to make it happen. Whether that's offering you support, or giving you space, you just let me know."
So as not to make the situation awkward, not that he thought it would be, but Elliot was well aware of the way an anxious mind could spiral out of control without warning, he also got to his feet.
"I think while you enjoy that bath, I'm going to go to my room for a bit. The kids have been super busy lately, but I had a text from them earlier today that this was a quiet week, and tonight would be a perfect time for a video call."
"Sounds perfect. Give them my love, will you?"
"Always."
An hour later, the two met back in Olivia's room, both of them more at ease – Olivia for the relaxation the lavender scented bubbles had brought her, and Elliot for having been able to interact with his children. So calm was her psyche for the moment, that Olivia declined Elliot's offer that he read to her as had become their practice, and instead suggested they just put something calming on the television to listen to as they drifted off to sleep. Then, with the memory of the day behind her, she settled herself in the safety of her partner's embrace, allowing herself to accept that just because she couldn't do everything alone, it didn't make her any less strong. Tomorrow, would be another step forward, when they would tackle the many steps of the lighthouse just as they've faced every other facet of her recovery since Elliot had come back – together.