Disclaimer: SVU and all of its characters were created by and are the property of Dick Wolf. I make no profit with this story, which is my own original work.

Olivia woke up, still feeling somewhat trapped in the tail end of the nightmare that had briefly held her in its clutches. But unlike in the past, she wasn't overcome by the tremendous sense of panic, even when she sensed the arms that held her close. That was because, even through the haze, she could easily recognize the smell of Elliot's aftershave, and it grounded her almost instantly. As Olivia found herself coming back more and more toward the present, she realized that Elliot must have applied extra of his signature scent before coming to join her in bed the night before, in particular after her admission that the fragrance was something that she found comforting. The thought warmed her heart, and as the last memories of terror began to ebb away into the ether, Olivia nuzzled closer to her partner's chest, allowing herself to seek the calm only his presence could provide.

For his part, Elliot was fully aware that Olivia was awake, but had chosen not to comment or offer a morning greeting yet. It was as though he had sensed the need to extend the quiet in the room for a bit longer, and even though he was fairly certain she knew he wasn't sleeping either, they were both content to just lie together.

Ultimately, it was Olivia who broke the silence, but it wasn't with words. Instead, it was a soft sneeze that prompted her to move, and she resented not only the interruption, but the fact that it had made her shift from her comfortable spot.

"Bless you."

Elliot had whispered the words, but the spell had been broken nonetheless. Sighing softly, and cursing her nose for having betrayed her, Olivia answered her partner.

"Thanks, El. Guess we should take that as our cue and get up for the day?"

"We don't have to. There is still plenty of time before we need to be at the lighthouse, and I'm not in any hurry."

That quiet admission, and perhaps the fact that it had come from him, allowed Olivia to give in to her own acknowledgment that she wasn't ready to get up just yet, either. Yesterday had been emotionally exhausting for both of them, and she had another solo therapy session with Lydia tomorrow. She needed today in more ways than one – not just the excursion to the lighthouse with Elliot later, but the peaceful calm with him now.

Grateful that Elliot wasn't forcing a conversation, Olivia returned to her reflective thoughts. It hadn't escaped her notice how much closer the two of them had become lately, but at the same time, it didn't feel like they were crossing any boundaries. It was what allowed her to remain so comfortable with Elliot, as she wasn't yet in the head space for anything beyond friendship at the moment, needing to remain focused on herself and her healing journey. But she didn't feel anything from Elliot other than support. Had their relationship evolved from where it had once been? Absolutely. There was a physical aspect between them now that hadn't existed in the past, hadn't been allowed to exist because of the boundaries that had been in place because of his marriage and the nature of the job itself. Not to mention, they still needed to work on dealing with the emotions left behind in the wake of the way Elliot had left.

Lost in her thoughts, Olivia nuzzled herself closer to her partner without realizing it, tensing only when his arm reflexively tightened around her in response. Ever in tune with her needs, Elliot immediately loosened his hold and checked in with her, seeking permission.

"Is this okay, Liv?"

"Yes, El. I promise I would tell you if you ever did something I wasn't comfortable with. My mind was just wandering, that's all."

Elliot made a soft sound of agreement, wondering whether or not he should press the brunette any further on the subject. Deciding to test the waters, as she didn't seem distressed, he questioned her softly.

"Anything in particular you need to talk about?"

"Not really. I did have a bit of a nightmare that startled me right before I woke, but settled immediately once I realized you were with me. I guess my thoughts are all jumbled as a result of that."

Instead of pushing Olivia to talk about her nightmare, something that Elliot's intuition was telling him she did not want to do, he opted to put her at ease by talking about himself.

"That was always the worst for me, too. That moment when you first wake up after a nightmare, and you're not really sure if you are still asleep or not. You find yourself clinging to anything that can pull you back to the present so you don't find yourself trapped in your own personal hell – I'm glad that I can be that for you. It's what I've always wanted to be for you since the day Cragen assigned you as my partner all those years ago – a safe place."

At that admission, Olivia found herself struggling to contain her emotions – for an entirely different reason.

"Damn you, Elliot Stabler! You're supposed to be calming me down, not making me cry!"

Turning his head to the side, Elliot saw for himself that Olivia's eyes had, in fact, filled with tears over his sentimental words. Even though he knew that she wasn't actually mad at him, he still felt a need to apologize.

"I'm sorry, Liv. Let me make it up to you?"

"Hmm. How do you plan on doing that?"

Placing a kiss on the crown of Olivia's head, Elliot offered the first suggestion he could think of.

"By making you breakfast?"

"You do that every day anyway. You're going to have to do better than that."

Elliot knew she wasn't actually angry with him, but he was having fun playing along in their verbal exchange. Without missing a beat, he continued to try to sway his partner.

"What if I made cinnamon rolls this morning?"

An impish grin played over Olivia's features.

"You have my attention. Keep talking, Stabler."

"Obviously, we'd need more than just cinnamon rolls to give us energy if we're going to be climbing all those steps to get to the top of the lighthouse. So, how about I make some scrambled eggs and bacon, and then we just have those sweet pastries as a substitute for toast?"

"I like the way you think. But you're forgetting the most important part."

"I haven't forgotten the coffee, Liv. I do value my life, after all."

Laughing now, Olivia smacked Elliot lightly in the chest.

"That sounds amazing. I'm going to grab a shower, and I'll meet you downstairs soon."

"Take your time, Liv. It's only a little after seven-thirty, and our reservation isn't until ten."

Olivia reluctantly pulled herself out of her partner's embrace and padded toward the dresser to find some clothes to wear for the day.

"I'm not rushing because of that, you idiot, I'm rushing to get in the shower, because I don't want you to steal all the hot water!"

Elliot rested his hand against his chest, directly over his heart and tossed his head back in a dramatic fashion.

"You wound me, Benson."

The last thing he saw was an obscene gesture shot his way before Olivia closed the door to the bathroom. With a smile still on his face, Elliot exited the bedroom and made his way downstairs. His first stop was to preheat the oven so he'd be able bake the cinnamon rolls he had mentioned, and the second was to get the pot of coffee brewing. Once that was taken care of, he headed back to the second floor to start getting ready for the day himself.

When Olivia reached the lower level a short while later, Elliot was just pulling the pan of cinnamon rolls out of the oven. The aroma was absolutely amazing, and combined with the smell of the brewing coffee, it reminded her just how hungry she was this morning. She could also catch a whiff of bacon, but from her vantage point at the bottom of the stairs, she couldn't see any frying on the stove. Wondering if her mind was playing tricks on her, from her partner's mere mention of the food earlier that morning, Olivia stepped into the kitchen and announced her presence.

"Hey, El. Need any help?"

"Liv. You know what, I could, actually. If you wouldn't mind spreading the icing on these cinnamon rolls while they are still hot, then I can get started on the eggs. The bacon still has several more minutes to go, so it should all be ready at the same time."

Equal parts confused and curious, Olivia couldn't keep her question to herself.

"And where is the bacon, exactly?"

With a grin, Elliot pointed to counter, and the newest appliance that was now taking up real estate on it.

"Air fryer. Was trying to figure out the logistics of cooking everything this morning, only to be saved by a Google search."

"Thank heavens for Google."

"Amen to that."

After Olivia had finished slathering the gooey cinnamon rolls with the sweet cream cheese icing that had been included in the package, she placed the pan on the table then busied herself pouring cups of coffee for both herself and Elliot. By the time she was done, and carrying over two steaming mugs to their place settings, he was ready to join her, with a plate in each hand.

"Your breakfast is served, madame."

"Madame? Seriously, El?"

He gave no answer, merely picked up a strip of bacon off his plate and bit into it, chewing away while giving her a goofy grin.

"I said what I said. You can't fault me for it."

"Fine. Then you can't fault me later if I accidentally smack you upside the head."

"Noted. Now eat your food before it gets cold."

Olivia wanted to clap back with another rejoinder, but he had a point. Unsure of where to start, as everything looked so delicious, she ultimately decided that she wanted to save the cinnamon roll for last. Picking up a forkful of fluffy egg, she took her first bite – and was immediately hit with a mouthful of intense flavor. On closer inspection, she noticed the flecks of what she recognized to be chives present in the mixture, and there was something else, too, but she couldn't figure out exactly what – only that these were the best scrambled eggs she'd ever had in her entire life.

"El, how did you make these? They're amazing!"

"Once again, I'm afraid all the credit goes to the internet. It's hard to come up with a lot of creative breakfast ideas, so I realized that the standard scrambled egg would get boring in a hurry. I looked up ideas to make them more interesting, and found this recipe. It uses a creamy garlic and herb cheese that you add to the egg mixture, along with some half and half, plus a little salt and pepper. Once they are finished cooking, you stir in the fresh chives."

"Well, I can promise one thing, I won't tire of these anytime in the near future."

"That's good to hear. Just let me know, and I'll be happy to make them for you anytime."

Olivia smiled at Elliot over her mug of coffee, savoring the taste of the morning brew. Even though she was no longer restricted to one cup a day, she did still try and limit her caffeine intake.

"You want to know what else I will never tire of? Cinnamon rolls. Though I did notice – and am immensely grateful – that you chose to make the smaller ones today instead of the giant ones we had the last time."

"I figured if they were part of a complete meal, we should probably go with a bit more moderation."

"Smart plan."

"I have my moments."

Finished with her breakfast, and pleasantly full but not overly stuffed, Olivia wiped her mouth with her napkin and rested it beside her empty plate.

"More coffee?"

"No, thanks."

Elliot stood, presumably to clear the dirty dishes, but Olivia stopped him with a glance.

"Let me clean up. After all, you cooked."

"It's not a competition, Liv, but if that's what you want, I appreciate it."

It took her two trips, but Olivia managed to get the dirty plates rinsed off and in the dishwasher, along with the pan that Elliot had used to cook the eggs in. The one that held the cinnamon rolls was covered with cling wrap and put away, as there were plenty left over for a snack later that afternoon, or even for breakfast the following day. When she was done with her task, Olivia joined Elliot where he had migrated to the living room, sitting beside him on the couch. She settled into position, tucking her feet up to the side so she could lean against him comfortably.

"I thought we could rest for a bit, we don't need to leave for at least another thirty minutes. Even then, that gives us plenty of time to head over to the lighthouse for our reservation."

"Sounds good to me. Would it bother you if we had quiet, or did you need to have the television on?"

"Doesn't matter to me either way, Liv. Something in particular on your mind you need to talk about, or just favoring the silence this morning?"

Resting her head on Elliot's shoulder Olivia relaxed even more when she felt his lips brush against the crown of her head.

"Just feeling pensive, I guess. Nothing is really bothering me, I just don't want my brain to be too cluttered with noise."

"That makes sense. As long as you know I'm here if you need to talk – about anything."

"I do, and that means more than you know, El."

By the time they had reached the lighthouse for their reservation, the quiet calm that Olivia had been feeling at the cottage had morphed into a feeling far more jittery. Not for the first time that morning, she was immensely grateful that she had consumed only one cup of coffee with her breakfast. She had waited so long to experience this, she wanted to be completely in the moment, and not so hyper from a combination of caffeine and anxiety that she could practically bounce up the stairs in a single leap. Granted, this was going to be one of her more physically taxing days that she'd had in awhile, but she hadn't been neglecting exercise lately, just playing it safe.

Since there was ample time for their group to head up the stairs and be on the observation deck, Elliot and Olivia opted to let the rest of the people leave first, so they could take as long as they wanted with the climb. Olivia wasn't anticipating having any difficulty, but the last thing she needed was to feel rushed by having someone directly behind her – at least someone who wasn't Elliot. Now, having her partner follow her? That would only make Olivia feel more confident and secure.

"Are you ready for this, Liv? It may be too late for a refund, but I don't care about that. If you've changed your mind, we can turn back at any time."

"Of course not. I've been wanting to do this since I first set eyes on this lighthouse upon my arrival here in Cape May. Now that I'm actually strong enough for it, nothing is going to stop me."

Gesturing toward the impressive staircase that wound its way up to the top of the tower, Elliot intended for Olivia to precede him. He easily fell into step behind her as they started to climb, his attention ever vigilant on her footfalls, ready to catch her if she should falter.

"Elliot, relax. I can practically hear you worrying."

"Sorry, Liv."

"Don't be sorry. I just want you to be able to enjoy this, too. If you're focused on me the entire time, you're going to miss out on the experience."

Nothing more needed to be said. The two continued to ascend the lighthouse steps, only a short way into their journey of the one hundred and ninety-nine stair climb. The lighthouse may have added some modern amenities over the years since its original construction, but there was still only one way to get to the top. When they were about halfway to their destination, Elliot dared to check in with his partner.

"How are you doing, Liv? Need to take a break?"

"Ask me that again, and the only broken thing around here will be your nose."

"Noted. Shutting up now."

Five minutes later, they still had about one third of the stairs left to go. Elliot could tell Olivia was starting to get weary, but based on her reaction a short while before, he wasn't going to ask again if she needed to stop. He did understand where she was coming from, though. If there positions were reversed, he'd also have difficulty admitting his weaknesses, even to the one person he trusted more than anyone else. Should Olivia be the one constantly hovering over him, Elliot imagined he'd be a bit impatient with her, too.

Finally they reached the top, and were at the door leading out onto the observation deck of the lighthouse tower. Knowing Olivia needed a minute to collect herself, Elliot allowed her that space, but he also wordlessly offered her a bottle of water. It was accepted with a grateful smile, then shared with him after she had taken a few sips.

"I better not have too much of this. The restrooms are on the ground floor, and I'm only climbing those stairs once today."

"Fair enough, Liv."

As they stood just on the threshold of stepping out onto the platform, Olivia was suddenly overcome by a wave of anxiety. What if what she saw once she stepped beyond that door didn't meet up with her expectations of everything she had imagined it to be? There was so much couched in the experience of coming to the lighthouse today, so much of it that played such a huge role in her healing journey. Part of her wasn't sure she was ready for this step, was second guessing her own abilities, even if she'd already won the battle by climbing up to the top. The view that awaited her on the other side was her prize.

"Are you ready for this Liv? It's still not too late to change your mind. I meant what I said about that."

Olivia glanced to her side to find Elliot, one hand stretched in her direction, patiently waiting for her to decide. With a deep breath and slow exhale, she nodded firmly, then pressed her palm against his, entwining their fingers.

"Let's do this."

Nothing in her life could have prepared Olivia for what she experienced upon stepping through the door that led to the observation deck of the lighthouse. One of the first things she became aware of was the difference in atmosphere being this high up off the ground. She hadn't even looked down yet, but was already feeling a disorienting affect, and that caused her to cling to Elliot's hand even tighter. The other thing she noticed was the way the wind whipped through her hair. Though her anxiety had escalated, she'd never had a fear of heights, and didn't intend to start developing one now. With a glance to the side at her partner, she gave Elliot a subtle nod, and took a step forward.

As Olivia took in the breathtaking vista before her, in all its glory, she suddenly found herself feeling very small – but not for any of the reasons as she had been in previous months. She didn't feel as though her problems had been diminished or were any less significant, if anything it was quite the opposite. It made her realize how important her place in the world actually was, that she mattered, and even though she was feeling incredibly tiny compared to all the majesty that surrounded her in that very moment – she also found a renewed sense of strength in its beauty. Where Olivia had once feared that looking down on the town would make her feel more alone than before, she actually felt like she belonged in the world more than ever. Maybe that was because Elliot was standing beside her, maybe that was because she was finding herself again by working with Lydia. All Olivia knew for certain was that she was that she was finding herself again, and she'd just taken several steps – one hundred and ninety-nine of them, to be exact – in a direction to bring her even closer to being a better and stronger person than she'd been before.

With a deep breath, Olivia planted one foot in front of the other, still clinging tightly to Elliot's hand for all she was worth. He hadn't said a word, but stayed by her side as she propelled them closer to the edge of the observation tower. Fortunately, the majority of people in their group were congregating around the other side, leaving the area in front of them free and clear, allowing Olivia plenty of breathing room.

As they took in the spectacular panorama before them, neither of the partners wanted to speak, not wanting to disrupt the magic of the awe they were witnessing. Ultimately, it was Elliot who broke the silence, and it was only because he knew their precious allotted minutes on top of the lighthouse were slowly ticking by, and he wanted to ask Olivia if she wanted any pictures to capture the moment, or simply to leave it all to memory alone.

"I don't want to interrupt, Liv, but did you want to take some photos? Plus, we still have the other sides to look out from, too."

"Oh, El. I definitely want some pictures of this, but I don't know that any camera would ever do justice to what we're seeing right now."

"You're right about that, but I still want pictures just the same. And I know you're going to fight me on this, but I'd like at least one to have you in it."

Olivia's brown irises widened in shock as Elliot's words registered.

"Me? Why would you want a picture of me? I'm a mess."

"Nonsense, you're absolutely beautiful. It's one of the many reasons why I love you."

Elliot's statement had not been an impulsive one, however he hadn't exactly thought it through before speaking. Now as he took notice of the panic beginning to register on Olivia's face, he hurried to clarify. Squeezing her hand tighter before she had a chance to pull away, Elliot tried his best to explain.

"I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable, Olivia, or ask you for anything you're not ready to give. I may have let my emotions lead me for a moment, but I meant every word. I know we still have a lot that we're working through, so much that I need to make up to you. But, I swear to you on everything that I am, that those words were the honest to God truth. Even if you can never say it back to me, I will always love you with my whole heart."

Olivia's eyes welled with unshed tears, and though she was unable to reply to that powerful declaration, she did give her partner a nod of affirmation. It wasn't that she was avoiding the issue, it was simply that she was too overcome with emotion to form a coherent response. Instead, she conveyed to Elliot with a glance everything she needed to say, breathing easier when his warm smile washed over his features, knowing she had been understood. Moving on to the next issue at hand, Olivia cleared her throat and continued.

"I don't know how I feel about being in a photo all by myself, but I suppose I wouldn't argue if we were in one together."

"I think that sounds like a fair compromise. What should we use for our background?"

"The ocean, obviously."

"Of course, what was I thinking?"

The two easily fell back into the effortless casual banter they were so accustomed to, as they tried to determine where to take the picture. After snapping a few candid selfies on Elliot's cell phone, the pair took turns taking some singular photos on their individual devices, before relishing in the last precious moments they had to enjoy on the observation deck. However, one of the advantages about being the last to arrive at the top of the tower meant they could also be the last to depart. This allowed the partners a bit more time to linger while the others milling about began to head toward the stairwell and start the arduous return journey of descending all the steps they had previously climbed.

"Well, Liv, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it's sadly time to head back to the real world – and by that I mean the one that is all those feet below us."

"I know you're right, but I do wish we could stay just a little bit longer."

"I promise to bring you back again soon. You just have to give me some time to recover first. I'm not as young as I used to be."

"You said it, not me."

With a final wistful gaze around her, Olivia committed the final images to her memory, and took Elliot's hand once more, following him through the door back to the stairwell. Admittedly, the trip back down was infinitely easier than the climb up had been, but still tedious and exhausting in its own right. She didn't think she would actually need a nap when they got back to the cottage – she wasn't that tired, but their adventure had definitely counted as her exercise for the day.

On the very short return trip to the cottage, Olivia was immensely grateful that she had allowed Elliot to convince her that driving the short distance to the lighthouse was the better way to go, even though they walked that path on a regular basis. He had correctly guessed that climbing all those stairs would take enough of a toll on them both to the point that neither would be feeling up to the walk back. So, despite the fact that the journey took less than a few minutes, Olivia was relieved that she could rest her tired feet.

As Elliot let them inside, and locked the door behind them, he turned to his partner, taking note of the fatigue on her features. Knowing that Olivia would be resistant to any suggestion that she nap, he tried to find other ways to subtly sway her – even if he had a feeling that she would know exactly what he was up to.

"So, I don't know about you, but after that incredible view we just saw, I'm not ready to ruin it yet by watching television or anything like that. What do you say we get comfortable, then head out onto the patio for a bit? It's a bit chilly today, but I can always light a fire if we get too cold, and -"

"El, that sounds perfect, and you're absolutely right."

Elliot took a step back, looking at Olivia with something akin to awe in his expression.

"Wait a minute? Did Olivia Benson just say that I was right about something?"

"It was bound to happen eventually. Even a broken clock is right twice a day. Don't let it go to your head."

"You wound me, Benson."

The pair had a face off that lasted for several seconds before Elliot cracked first and dissolved into laughter. Olivia followed soon after, the mood completely contagious.

"All kidding aside, El, I think your idea sounds great. I'll go upstairs and change, and meet you on the patio in a few. I really don't need anything to drink right now, but I also know you're not going to leave that alone, so you can bring me some water, okay?"

"You were correct in that guess, Liv. Water it is."

It took Olivia a few minutes longer to get herself sorted than she had thought it would, but only because she was having difficulty in finding one particular article of clothing. The gray hoodie that she loved so much – even if it wasn't technically hers to begin with – was nowhere to be found. She supposed she'd have to ask Elliot if he'd seen it. Perhaps it had gotten mixed in with the laundry he had washed the day before.

Despite her increasing comfort level with her partner, and the fact that he'd obviously seen her wearing shirts that bared her arms, Olivia couldn't help feeling more exposed than normal. She wondered if it was because of the dreams that had left her feeling so uneasy upon waking that caused her to feel more vulnerable than usual. Wrapping her arms around her waist, she headed out onto the patio, sighing with relief to find Elliot standing there waiting for her, the missing gray hoodie in his outstretched hand.

"I figured you might be looking for this. It got mixed in with my things after I sorted the clean clothes from the dryer last night. Forgot to give it back."

"Thanks."

Olivia reached out to accept it, but instead of just passing the item over, Elliot instead opened it up as if to offer to help her put it on, and Olivia found herself touched by the gesture. It certainly wasn't the first time her partner had ever helped her with a jacket or coat in the time that they'd known one another, but the way her emotions were somersaulting, it once again grounded her and made her feel safe just when she needed it.

Ensconced in the comforting cotton fabric, Olivia gave Elliot a warm smile and padded over to the patio furniture. She declined his offer of a fire, assuring her partner that she was warm enough, and promised that if that changed, she would speak up. Propping her socked feet up on the furniture, Olivia welcomed Elliot's embrace, and allowed herself to relax against his body, resting her head against his chest when his arm wrapped around her shoulders. When his lips brushed against the top of her head, Olivia closed her eyes against the sensation that was quickly becoming second nature.

The pair was content to sit in silence as they each quietly reflected on their morning. For his part, Elliot seemed to understand that while she was accepting of his company and physical proximity, Olivia needed some measure of space to process things. The last thing he ever wanted to do was make her feel pressured to talk. It was why he had suggested sitting outside in the first place. Plus, after what they'd just experienced, it didn't seem right to lock themselves away indoors. Being in the fresh air is exactly what they both needed.

Though Elliot hadn't wanted to say much, he could feel Olivia shivering against him, despite the hoodie she wore and the residual warmth of his body heat. At least he was fairly certain she had been shivering, until he felt the dampness of her tears on his shirt. He struggled with what to do then – because clearly his partner had been weeping silently for several minutes, and he didn't want to call attention to that fact, but at the same time, Olivia's tears had never failed to break his heart. Seeing her in pain – even silently – was something Elliot simply couldn't bear. Before he could speak up, however, it was she who was reassuring him.

"Please don't worry about me. I know that's asking a lot, but I really am okay. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I promise you I'm not upset. Guess I'm just going through every emotion all at once right now, and not really sure what to do with them all. I'm sorry for making your shirt wet."

"You never have to apologize for your feelings to me, Liv. Even if you weren't okay – though I'm very glad to hear you are – your emotions are always valid."

"Thanks, El. I think most of it is just a delayed reaction from what we saw."

Olivia had shifted her position, something that had surprised Elliot. Not that he didn't expect her to be able to talk to him while making eye contact, he had just guessed it might make it easier to open up if she weren't. But no, she was looking directly at him in that piercing gaze of hers – the one that always made him feel like she could look directly into his soul. From her expression, he suspected a question was about to follow.

"When we were up on the observation platform, looking out over the ocean and what parts of the town we could see, did it make you feel – I hate to say 'small', because that doesn't seem like the right word, but I can't think of anything else that would fit."

"I know what you mean, Liv. Yes, I did feel that. It's the same sense of wonder you get when you are on a plane and have the window seat. You can see all the majesty of the world, and it makes you wonder about your part in it, almost as if you should feel insignificant, but you don't. Sometimes it's quite the opposite. I think if anything, it helps you realize that your part in the world matters."

Olivia looked at him, blinking. Elliot worried briefly he'd guessed what she was trying to say incorrectly, or said something that had upset her. He didn't have to worry for long.

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Know what I'm thinking without me having to explain it?"

"Not sure I have a reason for it, Liv. But I could ask you the same thing. It's why we always worked so well together."

Olivia made a soft hum of agreement, then settled back against his chest. Her tears had mostly abated, her breathing returned to normal. As they lapsed back into silence, Elliot counted his lucky stars that he'd stopped himself from saying what had been on the tip of his tongue – that the reason he could read her so well was because he loved her. Not that he was uncomfortable with admitting it – he'd loved Olivia for years – but because he wasn't sure she was ready to hear it. Plus, given the fact she knew him as well as he knew her, Olivia was probably well aware of the fact. Once they had a few more joint therapy sessions together and continued to heal from the hurt he'd caused, then Elliot could voice those words out loud.

As the pair continued to sit outside in the fresh air, still relishing in the calm and quiet that surrounded them, Elliot was about to say something else to his partner, when he became aware of how deep and even her exhales really were. Understanding that Olivia had drifted off to sleep leaning against him, his arms instinctively tightened around the woman resting against his chest. The way he was sitting, he couldn't see his watch or his phone to be able to tell the time, but if he had to guess, it was probably getting close to lunch. None of that mattered, they could always eat later after Olivia woke up. He wouldn't let her sleep for too long, but a little bit of rest would be good.

Despite all of Elliot's good intentions, it just wasn't meant to be. A few minutes later a passing car out on the street honked its horn, startling the slumbering brunette. Immediately releasing her so she wouldn't feel restricted in any way, Elliot was ready with reassurances in case his partner was feeling disoriented from having been awakened so suddenly.

"You good, Liv?"

"Yeah. I didn't mean to fall asleep, but what little bit I got seemed to help. Kind of like a recharge for my own internal batteries."

"I know what you're talking about. We used to chase that feeling all the time back in the day during those cases that would go on forever, and we'd be able to catch twenty minutes or so in the crib."

Though the comment was meant to be one of agreement, and intended to make Olivia laugh, Elliot felt concern when a look he couldn't quite decipher darkened her features. Taking her hand, Elliot dared to prompt her to see if she would tell him what was wrong.

"What is it? What did I say?"

"It's the thing about work, El. Just had a moment of realization that I may never have that again."

There was nothing he could say to that. Elliot knew that while Olivia was technically here in Cape May on a leave from SVU, she would likely have to jump through even more hoops than they wanted him to back in 2011 after the incident in the precinct with Jenna. One thing was for certain, though. If Olivia decided that returning to work was something she wanted to do, she would have his steadfast support. For now, however, she just needed his friendship.

"You know I'm telling the truth when I say that I understand that more than anyone, Liv. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to dodge a conversation, I'll talk about anything with you at any time, but maybe that is something we shouldn't focus on right this second?"

"What do you mean?"

"I just mean, now isn't the time for you to make that decision. You're making great progress, and that is what you should be concentrating on – and proud of yourself for. When the time comes to reevaluate, and if you decide that going back to SVU is something you want to do, then I promise you I will do whatever I can on my part to get you back."

Olivia's smile was warm and genuine.

"Thanks, El. I needed to hear that."

"Anytime."

Before anything else could be said, Olivia's stomach rumbled loudly, and though part of her cursed the interruption, she was also relieved. The conversation was delving into somewhat awkward territory – even if she were truly honest with herself there wasn't anything she felt uncomfortable talking to Elliot about. Not anymore. But when it came time for them to discuss the return to work and all that it would entail, at least at first, Olivia preferred to have Lydia there as moderator.

"Sounds like someone is hungry."

"Like you've ever been one to turn down a meal."

"You make a fair point. Any ideas on what we should have for lunch today?"

Olivia tried to think, but her traitorous brain wasn't being very helpful. While her appetite was no longer an issue when it came to eating, creativity certainly was. She began to wonder if perhaps it would be beneficial for her and Elliot to sit down together and plan out a few menu options each week rather than trying to wing it all the time. The schedule wouldn't need to be a strict one, but it might give them some sense of structure.

"I can tell by the look on your face that you're just as lost as I am. Before we let it go too far and we're so hungry we're biting each other's heads off, why don't I just make something simple for today? I think the last time I ordered groceries I added a frozen dinner kit. Just heats up in no time at all in a skillet. If I remember correctly, I think it's Orange Chicken. We can pair it with some rice."

"That does sound good, but I'm not really in the mood for anything that heavy right now. Maybe save it for later tonight instead? You were right – I was lost for ideas, until just a few seconds ago when I had the thought for grilled cheese sandwiches."

Reluctant to get to his feet, as Olivia was still nestled in his arms, but knowing they both needed to eat, Elliot was the first to move. They padded into the kitchen together, and as he began digging in the fridge while she made a fresh pitcher of iced tea, an idea of turning a simple grilled cheese into a more gourmet lunch came to mind.

"So, Liv - I've been looking at our ingredients. What would you say to a deluxe sandwich? We have some black forest ham, sharp white cheddar, and granny smith apples here. I can combine them all together on that crusty artisan bread."

"That sounds amazing, El."

A short time later, the pair were together in the living room, having opted for a more casual setting for their meal. They had also mutually agreed that enough time had passed and found something entertaining to watch as they ate, continuing their binge of a show they had recently started. When they had finished, Elliot wanted to argue against Olivia's insistence that she be the one to clean up, but he knew better than to try and out stubborn her. He also understood how much being able to help meant to his partner, and he wasn't going to take that away from her.

As the afternoon waned into early evening, Elliot and Olivia eventually abandoned television in favor of a card game. While the healthy competition certainly inspired some heated moments between the pair as they playfully bickered with one another, it was all in good fun, and no one got their feelings hurt. It helped to have things to pass the time, as even though Elliot had been away from the NYPD for several years now, neither of them were used to having so much freedom in their schedules. While she had initially needed the calm for her healing, the lack of structure was starting to quietly drive Olivia insane. However, she was far enough along in her recovery to admit that while she might be experiencing cabin fever, she was not ready to go back to work.

"I can hear you thinking again, Liv."

Elliot's gentle chiding pulled Olivia from the thoughts that threatened to drag her under. She understood that her partner wasn't fishing for details, or trying to get her to talk about anything that she didn't want to open up about, he was merely doing what they did best for one another – calling each other out when needed. In this particular case, he had recognized her starting to drown in a mire of her own destructive thinking and thrown her a life preserver before the water pulled her completely under.

Though an apology was at the tip of her tongue, Olivia tried her best to swallow it down. She knew Elliot didn't fault her for it, but she felt as though she'd been saying the words 'I'm sorry' for her actions far too often lately. Logically, she knew that, too, was a trauma response, but it didn't make it any easier to accept. She supposed recognizing the habit was a point in her favor.

"You caught me, El. I keep hoping that one of these days this cycle of negative thinking will break, but it's not happening soon enough for my liking."

Elliot reached out, engulfing Olivia's smaller hand with his larger one.

"I know it probably seems like it's taking forever, and my saying that you just need to be patient sounds like lip service, but it's the truth. It happened for me, it will happen for you, too."

"Thanks, El. You always seem to know just what to say to calm me down."

"I had to make up for it somehow, Liv. Especially after all those years of putting not just one, but both feet in my mouth."

Olivia arched an eyebrow, and one corner of her mouth curled up in an amused smirk.

"You said it, not me. Who would have guessed Elliot Stabler could be so in touch with his feelings?"

"My only regret is that I didn't start therapy sooner. As far as I'm concerned, the world would be a better place if more people participated."

Nodding her agreement, Olivia pushed the coffee table away from where it had been pulled closer to the couch so they could play their game. Drawing her legs up to the side, she leaned against Elliot's chest, cuddling in closer when he reflexively wrapped an arm around her. Allowing herself to seek comfort in her partner's physical proximity was an aspect of their evolving relationship that Olivia was still trying to get used to, but she couldn't deny the fact that the man gave great hugs – and the reminder that being in his arms made her feel safer than she had in a long time.

"Can I ask you something else, El?"

"You just did."

While anyone else might have considered Elliot's joke to be ill timed, and even gotten frustrated, Olivia nonetheless appreciated his sense of humor and attempt at inserting a bit of levity into a moment that was all too quickly becoming heavier than either of them wanted to admit.

"I had initially thought about waiting until our next appointment with Lydia to question you more about this, but that feels like forever from now. Even tomorrow seems too far away."

Instinctively tightening the hold he had on the woman in his arms, Elliot brushed his lips against the crown of head resting just under his chin.

"I get it, Liv. Just ask. It's only me."

"What am I going to do with my life if I don't go back to work? Who am I supposed to be if I'm not Badass Benson, the woman with a badge who doesn't take any shit from anyone? Also – how can I expect anyone to treat me the same after what I've been through? No one is going to trust me again, let alone want to work with me."

Just when Elliot thought his heart couldn't possibly break any more, Olivia would ask him something else pertaining to either her trauma or her healing. This proved to be no different. But he wouldn't let his own pain prevent him from giving his partner the honest answer she deserved.

"When we touched on this earlier, I promised you that if going back to work was something you decided you wanted to do, you would have my full support. I meant every word."

Olivia said nothing, but by her body language alone, Elliot knew she was listening intently.

"What happened to you does not define who you are as a person. It has no bearing on your ability to be a good cop. If anything, I think what you have experienced would only make you more understanding and empathetic. Don't get me wrong, I wish with every fiber of my being that you had been spared those horrors, and I always will."

The sound of a shaky exhale reached Elliot's ears. He paused momentarily, but once he determined that Olivia wasn't breaking down, and merely absorbing his statement, he continued.

"On the opposite end of the spectrum, let's consider you decide not to go back. That doesn't mean you have to give up your mission to help survivors. Granted, you may no longer carry a badge and a gun – you could become a crisis counselor, an advocate, or any number of things. But one thing is for certain Liv – and I want you to be sure you're hearing me on this."

"I'm hearing you."

"There is nothing – and I mean nothing – you could ever do that would ever make me stop thinking of you as Badass Benson. That nickname will be with you for eternity."

Olivia gave a watery chuckle despite the seriousness of everything that had been said.

"Point taken. All kidding aside El, thank you for saying that – even though I know you weren't after my gratitude. I'm not going to lie, I'm still confused as fuck about what I want to do, probably why the brass and Lindstrom insisted I take this six month mandatory leave to begin with, but it is comforting to know that you're on my side. I do understand I have other options, it's just so damn difficult. For as long as I can remember, so much of my very identity has been couched in my being a cop."

"No one understands that better than I do, Liv. I went through the same struggles after Jenna. Even to this day I sometimes wonder whether or not I made the right decision. Sorry, I didn't mean to get sidetracked – this isn't about me."

Elliot felt Olivia shift in his arms and immediately released her. To his surprise, however, she didn't move away completely. Instead, she adjusted only enough so that she could make eye contact and reach a hand up to rest her palm against his cheek.

"Of course it's about you, you idiot. Haven't you figured it out by now? What affects you affects me, and vice versa. We're in this together. You said it yourself back in our second year of partnership. You looked me in the eye and swore that you were my partner, for better or worse. That goes both ways."

Placing his hand on top of Olivia's where it still lay on his cheek, Elliot couldn't help but agree.

"Indeed it does, Liv. Indeed it does."

As was the trend with their more serious conversations, Olivia and Elliot soon switched to a lighter topic not long after. It didn't mean they couldn't talk about anything and everything with one another - only that they tried to pace themselves sometimes so neither one would find themselves feeling overwhelmed. It was a matter of learning what to talk about and when, though they'd learned that first thing in the morning and right before bed were better saved for lighter topics.

Currently, the pair were working in tandem in the kitchen, preparing the evening meal together. Now that Olivia had resumed a healthier relationship with food, it was something they did often. It hadn't taken long for Elliot to figure out that all those years he'd spent teasing his partner for her lack of cooking skills and abundance of space in her fridge had only been because she lived alone. Naturally, their crazy schedule was another factor in that equation, but now – they both managed to eat regularly, and enjoyed every aspect of the preparation. Well, almost every aspect – though neither openly complained, cleanup was the least favorite activity for both of them. Thankfully, Don had equipped the kitchen of the cottage with modern amenities, so they did have a dishwasher at their disposal, otherwise Elliot figures there might have been more than one disagreement over whose turn it was to wash dishes. The funny thing is, he doesn't think they would have been bickering over which of them would be washing, but rather who would sit and rest.

"What's so amusing over there?"

Olivia asked the question from her spot at the island counter, where she was busy chopping ingredients for a salad. Glancing over his shoulder, it dawned on Elliot that his own internal thoughts had caused him to chuckle out loud. Sharing what was on his mind, knowing instinctively that his partner would agree, he didn't have long to wait to see that he was right.

"That's because you're stubborn."

"Excuse me? I'm stubborn? And what would you rather be in this scenario, the pot or the kettle?"

In lieu of response, Olivia merely stuck her tongue out, crossing her eyes as she did so. The funny face only made Elliot laugh harder, always grateful to Olivia in such good spirits. Once he had composed himself, he returned his focus to the what he was working on, tossing the pasta he had just finished draining in the warm mixture of olive oil, garlic, and vegetables he'd been sauteing.

"Not sure where you're at with the salad, Liv, but this is just about ready."

"Added the last of the quartered cherry tomatoes, all I have to do is tear off some basil and then I'll bring it over to the table. I hope my compliment doesn't fuel your ego too much, but I think it was a really smart idea of yours to have a chopped Caprese salad with dinner tonight."

Elliot blew on his knuckles before rubbing them against his chest, an exaggerated look of pride on his face.

"I'm known to have a good idea on occasion."

Olivia shook her head at his antics, unable to hold back her laughter.

"You are such a goofball."

"Happy to be of service."

Since Olivia was the first to get the salad bowl to the table, despite her finishing the preparations after Elliot, she took it upon herself to get them each something to drink. As always, iced tea was a constant staple in the fridge, and that was the perfect choice for this particular meal.

"Did you want me to bring over the grated Parmesan?"

"Already grabbed it when I got our drinks."

"Perfect."

Elliot made his way over to where Olivia was waiting at the table, a plate in each hand. He placed one in front of his partner with a flourish, before carrying the other to the opposite side and sitting down with it. The two went through their usual mealtime routine of passing things back and forth until they were situated – an act they were so accustomed to it almost gave the appearance of a synchronized dance – and tucked into their meals.

Conversation was light as they ate, mostly about their trip to the lighthouse that morning, each of them marveling at how different both the ocean and the town had looked from so far above. Olivia had made the offhand comment about some of her muscles starting to ache a little from having climbed all those stairs, discomfort being something she wasn't that used to when it came to physical activity. When Elliot suggested she soak in a hot bath later that evening, Olivia welcomed the idea, already savoring the thought of immersing herself in the spacious claw foot tub that was one of her favorite features of the master bathroom.

Everything about dinner had been delicious, though Olivia found herself met with resistance when she tried to clean up once they were finished. Elliot was insisting that it was his turn, even though she was almost one hundred percent certain that it was hers. A part of her regretted having said anything about her sore muscles, thinking that she may have caused her partner undue worry, or that he was making more of a few aches than necessary, but Elliot quickly nipped that theory in the bud with his next words.

"You can clean up tomorrow, Liv. Look at it this way, with me taking care of all this mess – not that there is that much of it – that means you can get in that bath even sooner. Then I thought we could just spend the rest of the evening relaxing, either playing another card game, or watching some television."

"Sounds good to me, so long as you don't mind losing to me again."

"You wound me, Benson."

Hearing those familiar words yet again, it was with a chuckle that Olivia made her way to the kitchen sink, where Elliot was starting to rinse off their dirty plates before loading them in the dishwasher. Despite his protests, she had brought over a few items form the table.

He accepted them with a smile, then leaned forward to brush a kiss on her forehead, before using one damp hand to turn her around and give her a nudge in the direction of the stairs.

"Okay, you've helped. Now go relax, and that's an order."

"Yes, sir."

With a mock salute, Olivia headed up the second level, the sound of Elliot's laughter ringing in her ears. With a smile still gracing her features, she gathered everything she'd need for a relaxing bath, determined to make the most of the experience. Since her hair had been washed only that morning, Olivia ran a brush through her chestnut tresses and swept them up into a messy bun on top of her head, to keep them from getting wet. Then, as the water was filling the tub, she added a small amount of her favorite lavender and chamomile bath foam.

While her opinion of being alone in the dark had changed drastically since her ordeal with Lewis, Olivia was at least comfortable enough in this setting to know she was perfectly safe. That allowed her the freedom to turn off the brighter fixtures in favor of lighting a few candles and placing them along the windowsill for a more muted ambiance. As a final touch, she scrolled on her phone until she found the playlist with the most soothing music she had and turned the volume up.

Shedding her clothes, Olivia sank with a grateful sigh into the warm sea of bubbles. She closed her eyes and focused on centering her breathing, wanting to make the most of this. As her mind wandered, she was taken back to earlier that morning, standing on top of the lighthouse tower with Elliot, the wind blowing on her face and whipping through her hair. Though she hadn't been anxious much, it was easy to remember that her partner had been within reach the entire time.

The bath had been exactly what Olivia had needed, and the water began to cool far too quickly for her liking. Though she knew she could easily run more water to heat it up again, her fingers had started to wrinkle and prune long ago, and she was already worried she had lingered for too long as it was, leaving Elliot to his own devices. Pulling the plug to allow the tub to drain, Olivia carefully stood and stepped out, then dried herself off with a fluffy oversized towel. Opting to dress in a pair of knit pajama pants and one of Elliot's NYPD tee shirts, she released her hair from its bun, then padded back downstairs to join him again, feeling like a new woman.

Olivia and Elliot enjoyed the rest of their evening relaxing as they had planned, curled up on the couch together in what had become their usual position – Olivia with her feet pulled up to the side and leaning against her partner's chest, with his arm wrapped around her shoulders. Since she was in better spirits this evening, Olivia had opted they continue with the show they had been binge watching on good days about ghost hunting. Though if she were being honest with herself, compared to the monsters she and Elliot had faced over the years together as Detectives, most of the spirits the investigators on these shows encountered were mild. Olivia still wasn't sure what end of the spectrum her beliefs lay when it came to spirituality, but one thing was for certain – she was considerably less agnostic than she had been. After all, it seemed that her prayers for Elliot to come to her had been answered, even if there was a slight delay in his arrival back in her life. Now that she knew that lag was not his fault, and he'd have been there sooner had he known, Olivia could allow herself to believe that perhaps a higher power had been at work after all.

"You okay, Liv?"

The evident concern in Elliot's voice pulled the brunette from the distracted line of thinking.

"Yeah, sorry, El."

"If I didn't know you better than I do, I just might believe you. Want to try again?"

With a sigh, Olivia pushed herself until she was sitting upright, then shifted her position so she could look her partner in the eye. She knew eye contact was vital so he wouldn't worry more than he already had.

"My brain just ran away with me for a moment, that's all. I promise that nothing is wrong. In fact, you pulled me out of it just before it could snowball into a darker place."

"Do you need to talk about it?"

"No, but I appreciate that you asked."

Elliot rested his palm on Olivia's nape, his fingers curling around under her hair and giving a soft squeeze.

"I get it, I really do. I'll always try to ask, but even if I don't, know that you can always talk to me – about anything."

Olivia couldn't find the words to answer verbally, too overcome with emotion, but her smile conveyed everything she wanted to say.

"Did you want to watch another episode, or have you had enough for tonight?"

"Maybe switch to something else, a show that doesn't require as much brain power – like one of those travel shows?"

"I like that idea. Second question – did you want to stay down here, or would you rather watch in your room?"

Had Elliot asked that question as little as two weeks ago, Olivia might have found herself frozen with how to reply. Now, the thought of Elliot sharing her room – and her bed – was almost second nature. Granted, he still kept his belongings in the other guest room as a matter of courtesy, and allowed her the privacy of having the master bath all to herself, but there was something calming about having him there as she was falling asleep at night and waking up in the morning. His presence didn't keep the nightmares away entirely, but at least with Elliot there, it guaranteed that she wouldn't be trapped in them as long, as he was always quick to wake her and pull her from their murky depths.

"Getting comfy in bed sounds like a lovely idea. It's not that late, but I'm more tired than I expected from today, and I do have that appointment with Lydia tomorrow. I don't think I'm going to be awake too much longer."

"Are you going to want a cup of tea tonight?"

"I think I'll pass on that. I'm still so relaxed from that bath I took earlier."

Elliot gave a nod of approval, confirming that he'd heard what Olivia had said. Then, through wordless communication, the two figured out between them that Olivia was to go upstairs and get settled with her bedtime routine while Elliot handled the ritual of taking care of locking up for the night.

When Elliot joined Olivia in the master bedroom several minutes later, he found her under the covers, looking drowsy. He debated whether or not to ask if his partner was really sure she wanted to watch something, as it appeared she was halfway to dreamland already. Opting not to, as he didn't want to risk making Olivia annoyed – she always hated it when he fussed over her – Elliot made himself comfortable in his usual position on top of the covers and adjusted the spare blanket over his body. Grabbing the remote, he quickly turned the channel to one of their other favorite shows, and soon the pair were immersed into a world of travel they could only possibly dream of – for now.

As the television droned on, and Olivia found herself getting more and more drowsy, she didn't even flinch when Elliot casually draped an arm around her waist. Where once such a hold would cause her to panic and feel trapped, it instead only allowed her to relax even more fully. With her final thoughts of consciousness continuing to wane as she drifted closer to sleep, Olivia reflected on her musings of the day. How coming here to this cottage in Cape May was supposed to give her a place to heal, somewhere she could feel safe after experiencing so much upheaval and trauma. Not that it hadn't done just that, but it wasn't where the center of calm she had been feeling was emanating from. No, only one person was responsible for that, and that was the man laying next to her – a man who had walked faithfully by her side for over thirteen years. Yes, he may have disappeared and been absent for a few, but that transgression had been forgiven. As Olivia finally surrendered to sleep, it was the knowledge that she'd finally found her safe place – in Elliot's arms. Whatever else she had to walk through after this, she could handle, as long as he was by her side.

A/N: I'm so sorry for the huge delay between this chapter and the previous one. Life has been moving at a crazy pace lately, and so much has been going on. I promise, that despite the length of time in between postings, I will never abandon this or my other story (Healing a Broken Heart). As always, thank you for reading and for your support.