Shinji felt pure ice envelop his body. Such was the chill permeating his skin, he briefly forgot where he was. But he craved for the cold, needed it. He needed it so much, his face would flake without it. The temperature fogged his senses. Even in his current low forties sync rate, he felt his fingernails bend and crack in the ruinous volcanic heat.
He focused, trying to find his bearings. Through the Eva, he instinctually reached for the cliffside and held on to it with stiff hand and a digging heel. Asuka's unit lay around 200 meters below him, pinpointed by the parallel array of cooling pipes. He used them as a hiker leans on the side rope of a suspension bridge, patting his way until he found the curved dome of the Type-D helmet. Bending over until he could get a grip on its base, he then tried to pull. But despite the trapped unit's middling buoyancy, the weight was insurmountable, it barely accelerated beyond the sedate speed with which it was already being pulled by the enormous gantry outside.
He didn't understand what the strange symbols in the cage of light did, or whether it would be able to hold on the seemingly frozen-in-time abomination, but he knew it wouldn't be long before Asuka's decreasing sync rate made Unit-02 revert to System Phase 1 and go completely limp on him, making it feel even more heavy.
"How long until she surfaces?" Misato asked sternly. The reprimands would have to wait until after the crisis.
"Maintaining the current speed, one minute," Maya said.
"And for how long can Unit-02 sustain the pressure?" Misato asked to whoever had the information.
"At this depth, the same as Unit-01: approximately 25 seconds," Ritsuko replied with a grim face.
"Synchronization in Unit-02 down to 19%, reversal of System Phase imminent."
Misato felt beyond anxious. "Asuka, eject the bottom half of the Type-D, quickly!"
The girl made no sound to confirm whether she heard her, but the locks were released from the torso and legs, and the unit then awkwardly kicked out of the encumbering plates.
"Shinji, pull now!"
Shinji let out a scream as he pulled even harder, and Unit-01's bicep grew so suddenly that it's armor creaked as it accommodated for its shape.
"Asuka, can you hear me?!" Shinji pleaded through gritted teeth. "The wall, use the wall!"
Shinji heard no reply from Asuka's channel except for incoherent mumbling and shallow breathing, but Unit-02 slowly lifted one foot, finding purchase on the cliff wall, then the other, then the other, slowly gaining on the array of cooling pipes until it started to go slack. Feeling light-headed, Shinji put all of his strength in a final, constant pull, counting each grueling step and digging the fingers of his free hand into the cliff whenever he could. He felt the head of Unit-01 surface and did his best to ignore the melting plates on the giant arm in front of his view. Eventually, he reached the top of the cliff and threw his forearm in before pulling. His shoulder felt like it would dislocate, and the branch of his neck hurt from his exertion, but he was almost there. After staying in place for a few seconds to regain his breath and prepare mentally, he gave a final pull while leaning towards the surface. He felt the cliff's edge dig sharply into his ribs, causing him to groan unintelligibly as he finally willed Unit-01 and then 02 and the cage onto the surface, rolling on its side.
Shinji panted heavily. "Turn it off. Puh–please." He shifted slightly while on his side to a rehearsed position he was told would give the crew easy access to the power socket on the back of the unit.
Amid cheers from the technicians, Misato turned to Ritsuko and found her staring at the scene with an open mouth. Seeing the raven hair move in her periphery, the Doctor snapped out of it.
"Do it, for both of them," she told Maya, then turned. "Aoba, tell the Air Force liaison that we're done here. They can go." The man nodded and lifted a telephone from the console. Ritsuko reached for her chair and slumped into it.
The lighting inside the entry plug became a familiar dark red, prompting Shinji to exhale deeply in relief as the feeling of his skin sizzling receded away. The LCL around him was unmistakably hot, but nothing more than an uncomfortably warm bath by comparison.
"That's nice," he murmured to himself before closing his eyes.
'I hope she's okay.'
In the meantime, Asuka could barely piece together the events from the last few minutes. She was only glad it was all over, and there had been no strange visions or colors or whatever the hell had happened back in the simulation test plug.
Her breath finally stabilized. She looked at her palms in front of her, still feeling a ghost of sensation from grabbing on to the electromagnetic cage for deal life. The mission had been a success in the end, but Shinji had gone ahead and dove for her. She moved her feet around, shaking off the lingering heat in her legs from when she jettisoned half of the protective gear. She could only imagine what the idiot felt while fully submerged in it. It'd be difficult to thank him for his stupid, heroic antics, but maybe she didn't have to—Misato had probably ordered him to do it anyway.
Back in the provisional command center, Ritsuko took over the recovery process. Unit-02's torso plates had rotated forward and its sides revealed a vertical array of oil-drum-sized capacitors with a spinning surface etched with glowing arcane glyphs. If her numbers were correct, she had precious little time before the independent power source would run out, but she was too far into this mess to give up. She split the rescue crew into three teams and led the one going for the cage, while Misato opted for personally supervising Shinji's rescue over Asuka's, despite Maya's concerns.
"She can handle it," was all the Captain said before leaving.
After a few minutes, Shinji heard the muffled grinding of a saw cutting through the hull that covered his entry plug. He was surprised to learn that the timer on his wrist marked a whole twenty minutes since he'd gotten out of the magma, time that had slipped away while he lay here, thinking.
He heard the voices of technicians outside, coordinating and giving orders, until the entry plug hatch started slowly rotating. He braced for the loss of LCL as the liquid drained, and inevitably wheezed and coughed as his lungs readjusted to breathing air. When he rubbed his eyes open, the shaft of light was quickly blocked by a silhouette reaching inside the entry plug.
"Misato, is that you? is Asuka–?"
He felt the woman embrace him and rest her chin on his shoulder. Her smell was unmistakable.
"You are so, so grounded, Shinji." Her commanding voice started breaking. She sniffled and slowly rocked him back and forth in place. "I'm so glad you're okay."
"Misato..."
She stepped back but kept a hand on his shoulder. "Asuka is fine, they're retrieving her from the Eva as we speak. The mission was a success."
Shinji smiled, but if his embarrassment had been manageable so far, the sight of the few technicians awkwardly waiting for them just outside the entry plug kicked it into overdrive. Fortunately for him, Misato's phone started ringing.
"I'll wait for you outside, okay?" She pointed at her phone, and Shinji nodded.
She stepped back out of the entry plug, letting the crew follow protocol. Only the cold, squishing sound her phone made when rested against her ear made her realize how much LCL had been smeared on her from the hug and entry. She grimaced in disgust, but quickly shoved the inconvenience out of her mind, hovering the phone over her ear.
"Sorry, I didn't catch that."
"What's the status of Unit-01?" Ritsuko repeated.
"Shinji's okay, thank you for asking." Misato stepped back in her squelching boots, trying to get a better picture of the melted, purple behemoth. "Uh... guessing just by looks, a bit worse than after the fifth angel, why?"
"If it's worse than Unit-02's legs, it might be out of commission for a while, those plates aren't easy to produce nor install."
"Guessed as much. I will reprimand him for insubordination, but I hope you agree he made the right call." She sighed. "I'm just glad his unit wasn't paralyzed by those things as well."
'That's right. Why wasn't it paralyzed?' Misato thought suspiciously. As if reading her mind, Ritsuko preempted: "Maybe it was the proximity? The unit didn't have to power the glyphs itself. This technology is still very new, as you know. It'll take a while to understand all the mechanics involved."
"Right," she drew out the word. "And what about the angel egg?"
"There's good and bad news. It seems that locking it in the middle of its metamorphosis and exposing it to surface ambient pressure at the same time was too much for its physiology; it's dead. However, being in this immature, intermediary stage, the useful data we might be able to obtain from it will be limited." Misato heard her sigh away from the speaker. "Then again, I'd be looking at a gift horse in the mouth at that point. That it died with two units down and Unit-00 being too far away to help is already more luck than we deserve."
"Lucky indeed," Misato repeated with no humor. "Anyway, let's get this placed cleaned, I really need to visit those hot springs."
Kaworu opened his eyes. Whenever he floated in LCL for extended periods of time, the weightlessness in his stomach made him feel strange. This time was no exception.
"How much longer, Doctor?" He asked in German.
The bespectacled man stopped keying commands and turned briefly from his console. "Almost done. You're really killing me here."
Kaworu glanced at the security camera and then back at the Doctor's back. "Sorry for being impatient," he said to steer the conversation. "Such a feeling is relatively new to me."
"It's all processing now." The man turned to face him and put his hands inside his white coat's pockets. "Tell me, read something interesting lately?"
"The Upanishads. Schopenhauer praises them, so I was curious."
"That's definitely a classic, but a bit too esoteric for my taste."
"My efforts to understand the lilin have convinced me they don't understand themselves at all. But now I see it's the only way it could be, the Fruit of Knowledge does not make one omniscient."
"Indeed. However, I'm not sure that's the kind of problem that can be solved."
"Which is only a certainty if you don't try at all."
"Didn't say I wasn't. I wouldn't be in this field if that was the case." He heard a process in the computer finish and turned away once more to continue working.
"I didn't mean you specifically, Doctor. The world as a representation of our senses is very much part of the German character, but I'm afraid that in practice it makes people settle for accepting the world as their mind interprets it, instead of pushing beyond the veil. It influenced your philosophers, which in turn limits your science. The comfort almost makes me envious. But, once perceptive of this truth, my eyes can't be closed once more, so now I search beyond the Enlightenment."
"Or, you could try the French." He reached down, unplugged the cables from the console and walked towards the base of the cylinder holding Kaworu, coiling them on one arm with the other as he did. "Listen, I advice that you employ great caution when exploring other modes of thought. It's hard not to lose your humanity in the process."
"Do you mock me?"
"Not at all, Kaworu," the man said, pushing the coil of cables inside a compartment before standing back up and looking him in the eye. "You are more human than some of the people in this facility."
"That's not a wise thing to say out loud."
The doctor waved his concern away and said quietly, "My time here is limited, anyway." he pressed a button on the console and stepped back to avoid the LCL splashing as it drained through the grate on the floor. While the boy readjusted his lungs, he pulled a long, green towel from a side drawer. The transparent cylinder opened.
"We're done here. Do you think we'll meet again?" The man asked as he handed him the towel and the electronic choker.
"Of course." Kaworu smiled, putting the choker to his neck. "I've done nothing wrong."
The hot springs were a welcome reprieve from the stressful mission, and Misato knew this would be her last real sort-of vacation for a while. A captured angel was sure to have deep ramifications in the development of the Eva units. There was also Kaji's visit, which would hopefully shed some more light on the situation.
"I could almost fall asleep here," Asuka said while using her arms as a pillow.
"You better not, or you'll wrinkle like a prune." Misato chuckled, but then went quiet, her darker thoughts kept nagging at her despite her best efforts to drink them away. She wanted to ask Ritsuko about the divergence so badly, but she had to control herself. Her revenge had put Asuka and Shinji in danger. She wasn't a heartless utilitarian like the Commander, so the reemerging guilt of using the children as pilots soothed her in a very bizarre manner—It reminded her that she was a screwed up human being, but still human, nonetheless.
"Misato," Asuka called. She turned to the kid and she faced away from her.
"From your perspective, does it look like Shinji saved me back there?"
"Pretty much, yeah. Why?"
Asuka's mouth became a thin line. "I wanna thank him, but... It's just, you know."
"Is it hard? Awkward?"
"It might go to the idiot's head, give him a big ego. Or even worse, he might get the wrong idea," she said disdainfully.
'Projecting much?' Misato thought.
"It'd be weird, right? He was just doing as he was ordered to."
"I didn't order him to jump after you."
"What do you mean?" She lifted her head from her arms and turned to face her.
Misato shrugged, keeping her cool. "He heard you struggling and... he just went for it. I'm gonna punish him officially, but mostly only so that the higher ups don't take it upon themselves to do it."
Asuka made an outraged face and then shook her head. Misato suspected that her developing blush was not due to the hot water. The girl protested, "I-I'm sure he'd do the same for the First."
"I mean, sure, maybe. But why is it so hard for you to admit he might just be a nice person?"
"Because that's not how it works." Asuka punched languidly through the surface of the water. "Everybody wants something, always."
Misato agreed too much with her on that to counter. If there was someone who had any hope of being different, it had to be Shinji, but she reasoned that defending him right now might only make Asuka angrier.
"Well, don't thank him, then."
"Right. But maybe I should; pilot's honor and all that."
"Alright." Misato grinned. Asuka spritzed her with hot water by flickering her hand open. Misato blinked, but her smile did not abate. The girl's prolonged silenced caused Misato to glance at her and notice that she was stealing glances at the scar that ran vertically across her chest.
"Ah, this? It happened during Second Impact."
Asuka looked away. Remembering their time back in Germany, she'd never seen that scar before, nor had asked about her past back when she was her guardian. And the woman was now her operations director; she had to have been told.
"You know, don't you? All about me."
"It's in your file. It's part of my job, after all," Misato replied before finishing her beer.
Asuka intuited that there was more to that nonchalant response. Misato was just looking out for them in her own way, but it was hard for Asuka to acknowledge it in her presence. Congeniality had never been her thing, and it'd be humiliating if her guardian dismissed it with some stupid joke, as she was prone to do back in Germany. But she had decided to thank the Third Child, had she not?
She hesitantly opened her mouth to speak when Misato said, "It's ancient history, don't let it bother you."
The girl nodded and let her head rest on her folded arms once more. Focusing on the future would be more productive; the past was nothing but pain.
Shinji lay in one of the large recliners in the main lobby, clad in boxer shorts and a towel. With an evacuation procedure still officially underway, the whole facility had been emptied of people, except for the girls, him, and Pen Pen, who'd chosen to stay in the men's section of the spring after Shinji left. Sitting in the warm water was been relaxing, but the feeling had quickly devolved into a constant reminder of his previous, extraordinarily less pleasant diving experience. The phantom sensations all over his skin made him overly conscious of the itch on his sternum from the battle against the octahedral angel. He lifted an index finger to scratch at it as usual, wondering if he'd end up with a bunch of tics and disorders by the time the war ended. He should've asked Doctor Akagi for help with these symptoms, but he always managed postpone it, given that she was prone to show her annoyance whenever anyone who was not his father asked her anything.
In his mind, the adults responsible for NERV's leadership were all manner of strange: His father was cold and cared too little about most things, and the Vice Commander was a severe old man that cared too much. Furthermore, the latest battle had confirmed for Shinji that Misato was safely inside this category as well. No matter how much she hugged and reassured him, at the end of the day she'd do whatever it took to do his father's bidding, even if that meant putting Asuka in danger.
But she'd been honest about him having to pilot, and Asuka was sharing the spring with her right now, and they sounded like they were having a good time, so maybe he was just blowing things out of proportion, as usual. In the end, the weird symbols didn't even paralyze his unit, so he was convinced he made the right call. He could only hope he'd be able to convince his guardian of this fact.
"Hey, Shinji," Misato stepped in with a white towel wrapped around her torso. "Everything alright?"
"Yes," he lied, and she could tell, but it wasn't the right time to press him for an answer. Asuka walked in shortly after, similarly wrapped in a red towel with '02' in big, white letters. Misato saw Asuka's annoyed reaction at his concerned face, so she spoke up before the usual spat began, "Asuka and I are gonna hit the showers, you do the same and we can all return here when we're ready to go."
Shinji nodded and stood up from the recliner, then walked back to the spring to let Pen Pen know they were leaving soon.
"Lawrence of Arabia?" Misato asked in befuddlement. Her Japanese-influenced way of pronouncing English words was very endearing to Kaji, but it wasn't time to get distracted. They'd sent the children to bed after dinner, with Asuka staring poisoned daggers at Misato before leaving.
"I told you, Katsuragi. It's a classic." He opened the VHS case, took the tape out and inserted it into the all-in-one TV set, turning the volume up little too much for either one's comfort. The tracking seemed slightly off and there was a buzzing screech that accompanied the soundtrack and added a constantly flickering white noise at the bottom of the frame. He sat down nonchalantly beside her in the pile of beanbags.
"What is that awful noise?"
"Bootleg copy, real ones are prohibitively expensive now. You'll get used to it." He dismissed her reaction, lifting his left arm behind her. The hairs on the nape of her neck rose like a those of a cat ready to pounce, but he spoke very quietly into her ear, "There are bugs outside your apartment. SEELE's. Ikari cannot destroy them, it'd be too suspicious. We'll have to talk like this for now." He turned forward and smiled placidly at the screen.
Misato blinked. She hesitantly leaned on him and tilted her face to get a better look as she whispered in turn, "Was the arm necessary? You could've just told me."
"It sells it better. I don't know if there's cameras outside."
"Very convenient. What have you learned?"
"We need to get you arrested."
"What?"
"Too many developments. No more Conference Room 3, SEELE is increasing their surveillance, even inside the GeoFront. This is why I didn't want to talk back at the cafeteria. At this point, Section 2 is more of an ally to us, so long as we don't interfere with Ikari's plan."
"Which would be easier to accomplish if the bastard told me what the plan even is."
"I don't think even Ritsuko knows. Maybe Fuyutsuki. But given the circumstances, I don't blame him."
"I'll be the judge of that. What is this about me getting arrested?"
"Right. We need a plausible excuse to throw you in the brig. Something to keep you inside NERV HQ for a few days without raising any eyebrows." Kaji glanced at Asuka's room, knowing she was probably spying on them. "It'll also keep the scent off the children. They are our most valuable asset."
Misato nodded. "Alright. Any ideas? I haven't punished Shinji for his insubordination, maybe I can make a scene defending him, question the Commander's authority."
Kaji shook his head. "We need to wait a few more weeks. Ikari is very paranoid about SEELE's scrutiny now that NERV is housing a complete specimen."
"I was going to ask Ritsuko about that, what do you know?"
"It's a double edged sword if I ever saw one." He swallowed. "It will probably help with the S2 Engine project, among other things, but it also means SEELE will be able to produce inexhaustible units under their sole control. Ikari wants to delay that as much as possible. The same goes for the glyphs. I went all the way to the middle Middle East to find them, and not even a week later, the old men sent an official request for all the data we have on the matter."
Misato exhaled. She was able to digest the information, but a burning question would not leave her mind. She would probably not like the answer, but she had to know. "And why does the Commander trust you so much? How long have you been in on all of this?"
"Longer than I'd like to admit." It was one of the few times Misato had ever seen him this concerned. He couldn't face her as he said, "Please try to keep calm, but I've been working for SEELE with Ikari's blessing for a few years now, since before I became Asuka's guardian. He needs an inside man."
An uncomfortable silence gripped them. She felt a lump in her throat.
'A triple agent.' Misato thought, incredulous. She was right, the idiot had gotten himself into a huge mess. The biggest she'd ever seen. "And you? What do you need?"
"The truth." He finally turned to face her. "I'm going to America in a few days, we'll try to delay the production of Units-03 and 04, maybe even find some weaknesses we can exploit in any units built after that. Wait until NERV sends the dead angel away, the opportunity will present itself then. We can decide on a password or something."
They continued their quiet talk, with Kaji refusing to elaborate on the divergence from the scrolls and referring her to this future audience with the Commander. She would've been more indignant at his constant evasions were it not for his uncharacteristic seriousness.
"If you really want to help, make sure the kids become a real team. I know it sounds cliché, but I have it on good authority that the psychological state of the pilots really goes a long way in raising their sync rate. That's another reason I'm leaving." He briefly pointed at the room with his chin. "Asuka needs some space to bond with friends her own age."
Misato understood what he meant, the girl probably saw her as a romantic rival. A few weeks ago she would've dismissed the notion as absolutely ridiculous, but now it would be hard for her to tell. Beyond the usefulness of his visit, she had missed him, and she hated that.
She stood up and walked to the kitchen, returning with two beers in each hand. Enough to calm their nerves at the developing situation around them, but not enough to make Misato do something she might later regret. The movie ended up being surprisingly long, and she'd found herself actually caring about the plot. They even talked a bit over the duller parts, inserting inside jokes and references about their college days.
Once the credits were rolling, Kaji stood up and put on his shoes and jacket. He was fiddling with the lapel and collar when he felt her approach and looked up.
"Good luck," she said simply, standing with a hand holding her opposite arm and a look of concern that was so genuine, Kaji could not stop himself. He stepped forward, held her by the shoulders and passionately kissed her. After a few seconds of pure elation, she exhaled sharply and struggled to push him with both hands on his chest. He finally let her go and stared breathlessly at her outraged expression.
"I–"
She slapped him, hard. He'd come and used his tricks on her, making her feel this vulnerable in her own home. She swallowed, her hand twitching at the tingling sensation. It occurred to her that her palm might hurt more than his face.
"I don't know if I'll make it back," he finished before turning and leaving the apartment.
With her knees weakened, her legs gave in and she slumped on the floor, covering her mouth with her other hand, hot tears running down her eyes. He'd finally made her care again, and now he was walking out on her, maybe for good. The feeling was bittersweet. After the way she'd ended things eight years go, she probably deserved this.
Asuka woke up angry. Her phone let her know it was close to 3 a.m., but the cocktail of bullshit she'd been through felt like she'd been trapped in hell for days. She reviewed the events as she attempted to calm her breathing: Misato had brought Kaji home, and the harlot had wore that loose yellow blouse she loved to flaunt in front of Shinji. She was actually happy about that one, it'd been a useful reminder that she couldn't really trust her, and to think she almost spilled her guts back in the hot springs! But then she peeked through the door, and—of course— she was clinging to him like a complete hypocrite. After all her denials and insults toward the poor man, what kind of absolute bitch would behave like that?
Leaning against her room's door, she eventually heard them kiss, and then came the loud slap. The nerve, that first part should've been her. Fuming, she chose to just ignore Hikari's messages, go straight to bed, and let the world rot for all she cared. But obviously, not even her dreams would allow her to rest. The nightmare was back, and it was somehow even worse than before. She remembered running through that horrid hallway, but it was all enhanced, more vivid somehow, like her memories had been a jigsaw puzzle whose pieces she'd thankfully been losing one by one over the years, but now it felt like she was back to being seven, when the nightmare was so real she'd wake up to a wetted bed. 'Never again.' She shuddered at the gross memory. And then there were the metallic colors she could taste. Like licking a battery? No, like energized LCL, like blood. Something fucked up happened to her back during that test, she was sure of it.
She shook her head, it was just part of being an Eva pilot, and complaining like a baby about it would be unacceptable. Not even Shinji had brought anything like that up, and Asuka was sure he'd have his own share of mind scars after fighting angels for longer than she had.
Unwilling to sleep just yet, she picked up the empty glass on her dresser and got up. She walked straight to her door to repeat her ritual from last time, all while hoping she wouldn't run into the idiot in such a moment of weakness. But as soon slid the door open in one motion, the startled face of the Third Child welcomed her to the hallway.
"What the fuck? Were you peeping on me?"
"N-No, Asuka," he whispered. "I heard noises, I thought maybe you needed help. You were saying things."
"Yeah right, like what?" She called his bluff.
He went quiet and looked away. She rubbed one of her eyes with her free hand and stepped forward.
"Well? Spit it out."
"You were... calling for your mother," he murmured, then winced. He knew how childish something like that might sound, but it was the truth. Instead of whatever punishment Shinji was bracing for, she bumped his shoulder as she silently walked straight to the kitchen.
Asuka reached the tap, slowly refilled her glass and gave it a perfunctory sip. To her momentary relief, she heard his footsteps returning to his room. 'Yesss,' she hissed in her mind, wanting nothing more than to be left alone and forget this night had ever happened. The feeling was short lived, however, because he quickly joined her again after a few minutes. He was quietly presenting something with both hands, and she had trouble making out the object in the darkness. In his usual clumsiness, he came a little too close to her as he whispered, "Sometimes, when I have trouble sleeping, I use this."
She quickly formulated a snide remark about it being some kind of masturbatory aid, but it quickly evaporated from her mind as she noticed the dangling earbuds. It was the SDAT from their training. No, she'd seen him use it even before that, whenever he clammed up in his room for one reason or another. Even if it was a dumb way to escape one's problems, she had an idea of how much this thing meant to him.
"I used a cotton swab and some alcohol to clean the earbuds, so don't worry about them being dirty or anything," he preempted her potential refusal and gently placed the device on the kitchen table. "Good night, Asuka," he waved at her timidly in the dark and walked back to his room.
Asuka drank from the glass again and placed it on the table beside the SDAT, then picked up the device and stared at it. The warmth blossoming in her stomach was the complete opposite of her feelings earlier tonight.
"Idiot."
"Hey, Chief! Don't fall asleep on me."
"Huh? Oh, sorry." Shinji blinked repeatedly. They were in the middle of doing sit-ups in the park and he swore he'd only stopped to catch his breath. "How long was I out?"
"A few minutes," Kensuke said, crouching a few yards away. "Maybe go easy on him, he looks super tired."
"Less squawking, more squatting!" Toji returned to his place beside Kensuke and resumed his own exercise routine. Shinji took a deep breath, stood up, and joined them, they were almost done for the day, so he might as well get it over with.
He ran on auto pilot, following his friends across the streets, boarding a tram, reaching the school campus, into the gym, only shocked out of his absentmindedness by the cold water blasting out of the showerhead and hitting him on the face and chest. As usual, he shivered profusely when it reached the nape of his neck and his groin. He was definitely wide awake, at least for now.
After drying and dressing himself, he chatted with his friends about their visit to Okinawa as they walked into the classroom, where they cut the conversation short and agreed to tell him about their antics in the aquarium later, during recess. Shinji sat at his desk and hung his head. There was nothing particularly wrong, he was just exhausted.
"Hey, Third, you look like shit."
"Thanks," he replied absentmindedly, but the lack of further ribbing made him look up. Asuka had turned on her seat to face him, but her eyes were fixed on Shinji's desk. Her lip trembled.
"Asuka?" He asked, causing her to make eye contact.
"Thank you," she said very quietly. It took a few seconds for him to put two and two together.
"It's okay," he said with a tired smile. "We all have bad nights."
"Not just for that. For saving me, back in the volcano. Misato told me you disobeyed her orders to jump after me."
"Yeah." Shinji nodded. He was used to apologizing for many things, but this would not be one of them. "You're welcome."
"And..." She punched him in the shoulder, "This is for putting yourself in danger, you idiot! You didn't know if your unit would fail. What if you got us both killed?"
Shinji rubbed his shoulder and merely mouthed a groan, he didn't want to make a scene. Rather, he very much wanted to verbally defend himself, but he noticed that her pouting was very different from her usual aggression. Her fair skin made the red in her cheeks reach her ears and she looked so cute that it was simply impossible for Shinji to reproach her. He settled for saying, "That really hurt!"
"Good, that way you won't forget it!" She gave him a cocky grin and turned to face the front of the classroom, fanning her hair in front of him. Her auburn mane gave off the strawberry scent of her shampoo.
The rest of the school day went on as usual, a development he was surprisingly okay with. 'Normal' and 'boring' had become more and more appreciated as time went on. As soon as the recess bell rang, he bent over and started packing up his stuff, until he felt someone standing to his left. Expecting one of his male friends, he finished zipping up his backpack before turning to face them.
"Just give me a minute, I wanna go check on... Ayanami." The last word barely left his lips as he gazed upon her red eyes.
"Ikari."
"Hey, how are you doing?" He quickly glanced to his right to confirm that Asuka had already left the classroom with Hikari. He refused to admit even to himself that he knew exactly why he did it.
"I am well. Before you depart with Aida and Suzuhara, there's something I must give you," she said and walked to the door. Shinji was relatively confused, but knew her enough to just get up and follow silently.
She led him through a hallway he seldom visited and then turned the corner. Shinji eyed the interior windows of the classrooms connected to this corridor, one had blank canvases leaning on the walls and a stack of colorful buckets in the corner, while in the other lay empty planters strewn around and sacks with different types of dirt. With the dwindling student population, all but the music and sports clubs had been disbanded, and their respective clubrooms had been all but abandoned.
Shinji turned forward to Rei to ask what this was about when he felt the stiff embrace of the pale girl around him. She'd rigidly lifted both her arms over his shoulders and gently patted his back with the strangest of rhythms. His arms were frozen at his sides, he wanted to reach out with his hands, but he didn't know where it would be appropriate to put them: hips, waist, back, they all seemed like a bad idea.
"I was briefed about the latest sortie. I am... glad that you are unharmed. Is this appropriate?" She asked him in the most caring voice he'd ever heard from her.
"I–" he started, but a voice crack forced him to clear his throat. Not wanting to give the wrong impression, he put his hands on her shoulders and patted them lightly. The entirety of their limb configuration made him cringe, but the blush on his face betrayed his feelings. "It is, Ayanami. It's just..." he trailed off. His awareness of people's smells concerned him, this was becoming a pattern. Ayanami's curious scent of disinfectant with a touch of LCL was neatly filed away in his brain's cabinets all the same.
She let go and stepped back. "I'm aware that touching in public makes you uncomfortable, this is why I chose to do it in private."
"'Touching'?" He repeated the word with a mix of excitement and dread. He decided that she must not know how her wording made that sound.
"We should return. Otherwise, our classmates will notice our absence. I wish to save you the trouble." She walked past him.
He made to follow her, but she stopped. "Aida and Suzuhara went that way." She pointed to the opposite end of the first hallway they traversed. "I'll return to the classroom." She turned the corner and left.
Shinji was unable to voice any of the many questions that brewed in his brain. But as her lithe body left his view, he decided to put them on hold. The three pilots would meet in the nearest train station shortly after school to go to NERV HQ, so hopefully there would be an opportunity for them to talk at some point. For now, he focused on returning with his friends and allowing himself to be distracted by their exploits while away from Tokyo-3.
Once the final bell of the school day rang, Asuka pulled Shinji by the arm as she dashed out of school and up to the train platform, where she could declare victory over Rei in arriving first. Her smugness dissolved as soon as she realized the quiet girl was already aboard the train car, waiting for them. They spent the first few minutes of their journey in tremendously awkward silence. Asuka wasn't being her usual talkative self, but she was not berating her fellow pilots for any real or invented reasons, either. For her part, Rei actually attempted to ignite some sort of mundane conversation about the weather or the upcoming tests, and even surprised Shinji by telling Asuka that she was glad she was okay after what they went through in the volcano. The redhead, however, simply grunted and looked away in response. After that, there was no more attempt at small talk. Before they disembarked, Asuka returned the SDAT to Shinji with a determined nod, then jogged ahead of them.
Shinji wanted to ask Rei more about the hug, but felt too embarrassed to do so, remembering what happened the last time he pressed her for answers. She made no attempts to converse with him, either.
Once in HQ, the trio performed a typical harmonics test, and to their mild shock Asuka's score had dropped by a few points. It was nothing serious, but Doctor Akagi was stern in her warning that it better improve by the next time they tested. Shinji was able to detect that Misato was more concerned than upset by this development, but she'd chosen to be professional about it. After much nagging, Asuka convinced the Doctor to give her a chance to test the glyph system again despite her slightly lowered score, and the Doctor told Rei that she would be rescheduling her usual checkup for the following day. That was odd. Shinji and Rei were thus dismissed, with the former having to go home immediately, he was technically under some form of house arrest for his insubordination. To be publicly called out for doing the right thing—it did not help his mood one bit.
Shinji lay on his side, SDAT in hand, listening to track 25 in the darkness of his makeshift closet-room. Taking stock of his heart, he found hope, trepidation, and disappointment.
For years, he'd told himself that, if only people were nice to him, he'd really be able to wake up one day and turn his life around. It was understandable, he was nothing more than a small, lonely boy. He had no mother, his father had abandoned him, his tutor was demanding, his hobbies unrewarding, his friendships few. If only someone would give him a chance, surely he'd be able to show his true potential. If only he had a purpose, he could prove to his father that he wasn't useless.
He'd come to Tokyo-3, and his life had been changed forever. The fate of the world rested, however indirectly, in the palm of his hand. He had a guardian that cared about him, he'd managed to support Asuka enough to earn her gratitude, and then Ayanami, the unfeeling girl, whose very smile was but a myth for the grand majority of people, had just given him an actual hug, unprompted.
And yet, he felt the exact same as before. Once again, life had moved on without him, and he had not realized it until it slapped him in the face with another chunk of time lost to indifference. He was still Shinji Ikari, and no amount of hugs and sickly sweet words would change that. If he wanted true change to come, it had to come from within. He had to take action. No one else could help. No one but himself. It was terrifying. That his gut reaction to such displays of affection by the women in his life was to feel like shit made him feel tremendously guilty, which fueled the engines of his oldest friend, the downward spiral.
His consciousness touched on the edges of an incredibly perverse thought—a fleeting awareness synthesized by his interactions with the redhead and the blue-haired girl he shared his days of peace with: In his passiveness, his trusted tool of safety, he was absolutely playing with fire.
The thought receded, abandoned, dropped like incandescent coals, as Shinji raised his legs to a fetal position. Such a wretch did not deserve dinner. This was more like it: safe, it made sense. Good things were not supposed to happen to him.
Except for the finger that pressed the rewind and play buttons as soon as the song was over, his body lay unmoving, head pounding, limbs heavy like lead. Over the years, part of him had grown to hate the song, but this was his punishment.
This is what he deserved.
Author's Notes: This fic's genre is Sci-fi because I want to explore the Angel War's effects on nature and humanity's technological advancement with verisimilitude. With this in mind, the whole "swimming in lava" aspect of Magmadiver, and the sheer size and weight of the Eva units make such little sense that I settled for "believable enough for dramatic purposes", lest I break more laws of nature in my attempts to write around it. I hope I was successful.