A/N: TW for this chapter for trauma related memories for Olivia's one year anniversary and a severe panic attack.
Disclaimer: SVU and all of its characters were created by and are the property of Dick Wolf. I make no profit with this story, which is my own original work.
Elliot stirred, unsure exactly what had woken him. Judging by the lack of light in the room, it was still the middle of the night. That was when he heard it again – the softest of whimpers that sent an ache straight through his heart. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he was able to make out Olivia's shape in the bed next to him. Unlike the way she typically molded herself against his body, she lay facing in the opposite direction, curled into the fetal position. It was as though she were trying to make herself as small as humanly possible. Even in sleep, Olivia had one hand clamped over her mouth, an effort to somehow silence herself from whatever terror haunted her in her dreams. Knowing that he couldn't leave her alone in her torment, Elliot tried to wake her, keeping his face back a safe distance, having remembered the last time his partner had come out swinging when he'd disrupted her slumber.
"Liv. Liv, it's Elliot. I need you to wake up. You're safe, Liv."
Despite his having called her name repeatedly, and appealed to her earnestly, Olivia had barely responded to his efforts. If anything, she seemed to have retreated even more into her protective shell, and the sight of it worried Elliot. He began to wonder if perhaps Olivia weren't conscious to some degree, but so lost to her nightmare that she just couldn't manage to answer. Struck by a wave of inspiration, and hoping that it would help, Elliot turned the lamp on his side of the bed on to its lowest setting. His theory was that if Olivia could see enough to deduce her surroundings, she might be able to pull herself out of whatever mire she had fallen into.
Resting his palm gently on her shoulder, using only the lightest of touches, Elliot attempted to call to his partner again, hoping his voice would reach her. This time when she whimpered, his name was on her lips, but it sounded more like a plea for help than an actual question. His concern growing, Elliot didn't know what to do for Olivia, she seemed so deeply entrenched in her nightmare, and he had no clue how to draw her from the clutches it had on her. He didn't want to shake her or raise his voice too much – too afraid of adding to the trauma she was likely already reliving.
Suddenly remembering the heartfelt request Olivia had asked of him before bed, Elliot was struck by a wave of inspiration. Reaching for his bedside table, he grabbed the bottle of cologne he had brought into the room, and began to spritz it into the air. His hope was that somehow, Olivia's subconscious would be able to recognize the familiar fragrance and let it calm her – enough that he would be able to rouse her sufficiently so she could awaken completely.
As the scent permeated the atmosphere of the bedroom, Elliot held his breath. He'd used a fair amount, but Olivia was already on the verge of hyperventilating – even in her sleep. She was certain to notice it. It took a few moments, but he was able to register the moment when the rapid rise and fall of her chest began to shift, and her body began to uncurl itself from the protective cocoon it had assumed.
"El?"
"Yeah, Liv. I'm here."
She still hadn't moved from the position on her side, but Olivia's hand reached back, searching, and Elliot didn't hesitate to grab onto it and hold on with everything he was worth. He wasn't about to deny his partner the lifeline she was so desperately seeking. Olivia's breathing was still more erratic than he would have liked, but Elliot could tell that she was trying to use some of the techniques that Lydia had taught her in an effort to center herself.
"Did you need to turn over, Liv? Put your hand on my chest so you can match your breaths with mine?"
Out of all potential responses he could have gotten to that question, a rueful chuckle was not what Elliot was expecting.
"That sounds lovely, and while I think it would help tremendously, I don't think moving is a wise idea for me right now. My stomach is turning somersaults like crazy, and it's taking every ounce of strength I have not to throw up."
Elliot was about to encourage her not to hold back, that if becoming physically ill was something that needed to happen in order for Olivia to purge some of the demons within, then it was nothing to be embarrassed about. However, that was when the light bulb went on in his brain, and he realized that something like that might potentially be more triggering that the nausea itself. At the moment, his partner was likely trapped in memories of what it must have felt like to be under the influence of everything that Lewis had forced her to take. What she needed right now, more than anything, was control.
"Tell me what I can do for you, whatever you need."
Olivia fell silent, but Elliot knew it wasn't because he was being ignored. She was thinking, taking his request seriously, trying to assess what it was she wanted to ask of him.
"Can you make me a cup of tea? Preferably the kind with both chamomile and mint? I'm hoping in addition to helping to settle my stomach, it might help me get some semblance of sleep."
"Of course. I'll try not to take too long."
Elliot was able to see his partners nod. He was just about to get up when her voice called to him again.
"Oh, and El? Move as slowly as possible. I don't know how well I'll deal with the bed shaking."
"You've got it."
If there would have been a way for him to be in two places at once, Elliot would have found it. The last thing he wanted to do was leave Olivia on her own for any reason, but he couldn't ignore her request for a cup of tea – not when it might be the one thing that might bring her some semblance of comfort. One thing was for certain – he wasn't going to wait the ages it would take for a kettle to boil, and would instead be taking a shortcut, using the microwave to heat the water. That way, he could get back upstairs in near record time.
Even though it had felt like eons, he was back in the bedroom within five minutes. Elliot wasn't surprised to find the bed empty, but was considerably relieved to see that the bathroom door was ajar. The telltale sound of running water informed him that his partner was likely washing her face in an attempt to compose herself, so he simply placed the steaming mug on her bedside table and walked back around the mattress to make himself comfortable on his side. Thinking head, he called out to announce his presence so Olivia wouldn't be startled.
"I brought your tea up. It's ready whenever you are."
"Thanks El. Be out in a minute."
The last thing Elliot wanted to check was to make sure that Olivia hadn't perspired through the bed covers during the course of her nightmare. A quick swipe of his hand against the linens told him that was not the case. Propping himself back against the headboard, he patiently waited for his partner to reappear.
True to her word, Olivia emerged from the bathroom not long after Elliot had finished checking the sheets. He was relieved that he hadn't been caught, although he didn't think that was something she would hold against him. Settling herself back in the bed in a position that mirrored her partner's, Olivia ultimately reached for her tea, bringing the mug to her nose to inhale deeply before taking a tentative sip.
"Thanks again for this."
Elliot wasn't after Olivia's gratitude, though he knew she was likely just trying to fill the silence. Not wanting to make the situation awkward, he decided to do whatever he could to make her feel comfortable.
"Did you prefer quiet while you drink your tea, or would you rather have some kind of background noise in the room?"
Olivia's expression was thoughtful, but thankfully, for the first time since he had woken, not troubled.
"I don't think watching anything would be a wise idea, but I'm fairly certain if it gets too quiet in here, I'm going to go mad. I'm just not sure what it is I want. I hate feeling so restless."
Trying to think of something – anything – that he could do to help, Elliot suddenly remembered an activity that the two of them had shared not long after Olivia had first come back from the hospital. It was what had precipitated him starting to share her room in the first place. Hoping that his suggestion would be welcome, Elliot voiced it aloud.
"What if I read to you again? I know that helped distract you once before."
The woman next to him tensed ever so slightly, but it wasn't refusal that Elliot saw in her eyes, it was hesitation – combined with want. It was as though he had offered something she were afraid to ask for herself, for fear of rejection.
"I couldn't ask you to do that. You need to sleep, too."
"You're not asking, I'm offering. Plus, there is no way I'm going to leave you awake to deal with this on your own. I can't carry this for you, but I can walk through it with you."
Olivia pulled her lower lip through her teeth, gnawing at the sensitive flesh. Ultimately, she nodded her agreement, her desire for comfort having overridden her embarrassment.
"So, we've already finished Anne of Green Gables. I remember that your mom was an English Lit professor. I'm sure you must have a few other favorite novels that will bring you peace of mind. What would you like to hear?"
Reaching for her tablet that rested on her bedside table, Olivia passed it over to her partner.
"As long as you don't mind, I think I'd like it if you read from Sense and Sensibility. Jane Austen was always another favorite of mine."
"Of course."
Powering on the device, Elliot easily found the novel his partner had requested in her digital library. He waited until she had made herself comfortable – having finished sipping her tea, Olivia had opted to curl against Elliot, not trusting herself to lie back down in an entirely supine position, likely for fear of inciting more nightmares should she drift back off to sleep.
As Elliot began narrating the tale of Mrs. Dashwood and her three daughters, having to build a new life for themselves after the death of her husband had found them without a home, he felt Olivia relax against him. That was when he made the promise that no matter how dry his mouth got, or how tired he became, he would never stop reading – even if it meant he would be speaking aloud until the sun came up. All that mattered right now was making sure that Olivia was at peace and felt safe, and if she didn't feel comfortable sleeping, then he would do whatever was necessary so she wouldn't have to endure the night alone.
One chapter morphed into two, then three. At the completion of each one, Elliot would glance down at the woman resting against his chest to assess her state of consciousness. He always found Olivia wide awake and silent, but with a contemplative expression. Even though his partner hadn't so much as uttered a word since he had begun reading to her, Elliot knew she was listening. Somehow, his voice was the tether keeping her connected to reality, the lone thread preventing Olivia from sinking deep beneath the waves that threatened to pull her under.
Already having intuited that there would likely be no more sleep tonight, Elliot paused for the briefest of moments, enough to take a sip of water from the bottle on his bedside table. Thankfully the slight pause hadn't incited any anxiety from Olivia, she had merely shifted her position and made herself more comfortable. Taking even more of his cues from his partner, Elliot likewise readjusted the pillows behind him and settled once more, then swiped to turn the page to start again.
Elliot figured he was more than halfway through the book – had to have been reading for a number of hours – when Olivia finally succumbed to her exhaustion and drifted off. The early light of dawn was just breaking through the cracks of the blinds that covered the windows, but whatever routine they normally followed didn't matter today.
Even though he had no intention of sleeping himself, Elliot was not about to move from the bed. The last thing he wanted to do was disturb his partner's slumber, plus there was always the chance that she might need him again should the night terrors return. Despite their moniker, he knew from personal experience that they could happen at any time of the day.
With his thoughts having free reign in his head, Elliot tried not to let them take control entirely. Rather, he opted instead to focus on more minute details – for example, what their meals might look like today. Based on just how the night alone had gone, he was willing to wager his next pension check that Olivia would not feel like eating much at all. Trying to formulate plans for simple foods that would be gentle on the stomach, Elliot also reminded himself not to take it too much to heart. After all, his own appetite had been minimal not that long ago, it stood to reason that his partner would also be struggling. If nothing else, he hoped that he could at least get her to drink a smoothie or two during the day, and perhaps eat at least something of substance.
Elliot's own eyes felt heavy, but he ignored the sensation. He was no stranger to late nights, and he could already sense that Olivia was growing restless again – something that was breaking his heart. She hadn't cried out yet in her sleep, but she was obviously agitated. Since his arm was wrapped around his partner's shoulders, Elliot rubbed her back in a soothing manner, hoping to ease her back into a more peaceful sleep. It wouldn't be perfect by any means, but any extra amount of rest that Olivia could get would certainly be beneficial.
Despite all of his efforts, whatever monster that had a hold on Olivia in her dreams just wouldn't let go. She cried out, and her arm swung wildly. Elliot caught it, hating to restrain his partner for any reason, but was too worried that she might injure herself with her thrashing about. However, as soon as he had managed to redirect the wayward punch, he immediately loosened his hold, not wanting to do anything that could potentially increase the horror that Olivia was experiencing.
Calling to her, he was just as startled as she when she sat upright, gasping for breath.
"Easy, Liv. You're safe. Just breathe. You fell asleep."
Glancing about the room in a panic, Olivia confirmed to herself that Elliot's words were, in fact, the truth. She didn't want to do anything else in that moment, and she didn't have to. If this was any indicator of what the next four days were going to be like, they were going to be a living hell.
It took some time for Olivia to calm down, even after she had recognized her surroundings. What worried Elliot more was that she hadn't spoken, and he was concerned that his partner was already retreating further into her shell as a means of self preservation. Not wanting to put more pressure on her than necessary, but anxious to get some sort of response, he gently prompted her.
"You with me, Liv?"
Although Olivia remained silent, she did manage to nod, and Elliot was satisfied with the fact that his question had been answered. He knew it was still too early to broach either the topic of breakfast, or even heading out of the cottage to take a walk. However, based on his partner's current mood, Elliot had a feeling that they wouldn't be going anywhere today.
"Did you want me to read to you some more? I kept going even after you fell asleep, but I think I remember about what point you drifted off. I can pick back up from there."
Again, instead of answering out loud, Olivia gave a non verbal reply. This time, she responded in the negative, but Elliot didn't take the refusal to heart. He remembered what it was like to be inundated at every turn, and he could only imagine what was going on inside his partner's head at this very moment. Wanting to help in whatever way he could, Elliot thought perhaps a distraction might be best. Keeping his tone casual, he posed a question, fully ready to launch into a story if Olivia were to show enough interest.
"Did I tell you that the last time I talked with the kids, I found out that Eli lost his first tooth?"
Olivia said nothing, but she arched an eyebrow, and one corner of her mouth quirked up in amusement. Taking that as a sign to continue, Elliot began to relay the tale as Kathleen had told it.
"I guess he'd been worried, as most of his classmates had already lost teeth, and he was the only one who hadn't. I can remember his older siblings having already started by that age, too. Then again, there is no set timeline for that sort of thing. Apparently when she was watching him, Katie had noticed her younger brother being unusually quiet – always a sure sign that he was up to no good."
A small noise escaped from Olivia's lips, not quite a laugh, but definitely a sound that showed her amusement over the situation. Even more encouraged, Elliot kept talking.
"She found Eli upstairs, a piece of dental floss tied around one of his teeth – which wasn't actually that loose – and the other end attached to his favorite remote control car. Katie managed to stop him just in time before Eli pressed the button to send the car flying across the room."
Kathleen had managed to mollify her baby brother, reassuring him that the tooth would come out when it was ready. However, the following day, a playground mishap that had involved Eli colliding with another boy had knocked the tooth out once and for all. Fortunately, only one had come out as a result of the incident.
Elliot went on to share of Eli's newfound love of the tooth fairy, particularly the part that involved him getting free money in return for parting with lost teeth. Already he was counting the days until the next one would fall out, and according to Kathleen, she could practically see the dollar signs in the young boy's eyes.
His tale having reached its conclusion, Elliot paused for a moment. The expression in Olivia's eyes was no less troubled, but she did appear more visibly relaxed than when she had first woken up. Taking that for what it was worth, Elliot decided it might be time to take his chances and make another offer.
"Were you wanting to go downstairs, Liv? I can put on a pot of coffee, or if you'd prefer, make you some tea instead. But if you'd rather stay here, I can bring you a cup of whatever you want to drink."
As though considering the weight of her decision carefully, Olivia drew her lower lip between her teeth. After several more moments of silence, she ultimately spoke.
"I think I'd like some tea, please. Chamomile. Also – and please don't take this personally, I think I'd like to be alone for a bit."
"Of course. Just remember I'm here if you need me. I'll keep my phone on me, so if you don't feel like moving and you want to talk, all you have to do is call or text, and I'll be right up, okay?"
With a relieved look on her face, Olivia managed a nod. Elliot eased himself out of the bed, with the promise that he would be back with her tea as soon as it was ready. True to his word, he returned in minutes with the steaming beverage. Even though he had his reservations about leaving his partner to her solitude, Elliot exited the room again, trusting that Olivia would reach out if she needed him.
After rushing through his own morning routine, Elliot found himself back downstairs in the kitchen, prepared to put the second part of his plan into motion. In the event that he could actually convince Olivia to eat something, he wanted to have a few things on hand that wouldn't be overwhelming, so he rolled up his sleeves and prepared to get started.
First things first, having remembered the way his partner had favored the Italian Wedding soup when he'd made it back when he'd first arrived, Elliot worked quickly to get a pot going on the stove. This way, it could spend most of the day simmering, allowing the flavors to meld and enhance. The next task was to tackle a recipe he had come across for what were referred to as Baked Oatmeal Cups. Similar to a muffin, these treats were prepared with simple ingredients such as peanut butter, bananas, and oatmeal. The addition of dark chocolate chips would provide just a hint of sweetness, too. Last but not least, on the off chance that even the baked good might be too overwhelming, Elliot decided to make a homemade granola that used Nutella as a base to flavor the oats. His reasoning was that would pair well with the Greek yogurt that Olivia loved.
A little more than ninety minutes later, all the cooking and baking that he had planned to do was complete. Elliot was fairly certain he'd planned for every possibly contingency, and what he hadn't yet considered could easily be figured out.
More than anything, he wanted to go upstairs and check in on Olivia, but he had promised to give her some space. It was driving Elliot crazy to not know what his partner's current state of mind was. Almost as if he had wished it into existence, his phone buzzed on the counter, indicating an incoming text message. Hurrying over to the device, Elliot scanned the words quickly.
Sorry. Didn't mean to be antisocial. The tea helped some, then I dozed back off again for a bit. Going to take some time to get myself together, then I'll be downstairs. If it's not too much trouble, could use some coffee.
Typing back a response, Elliot made no mention of food – or how he had been keeping himself busy for the last two hours. Instead, he told Olivia to take as long as she needed, and promised that a fresh pot of coffee would be ready and waiting by the time she arrived on the lower level. Making good on his word, he immediately went get the coffee started, hoping that the combination of fragrant brew combined with the smells of the baked goods he had made might entice his partner to eat something.
While he waited, Elliot took on the added task of preparing some fresh berries, thinking that if Olivia did indeed choose to go with the fruit and granola option for her breakfast, he could add them to their parfaits. He was just cleaning up his mess when he heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs, and he exhaled, getting a smile ready to greet the woman who needed all of his strength to get through the day.
Olivia had let her nose lead her downstairs. She already recognized the aroma of coffee, but there were several other smells that wasn't able to recognize. Her stomach turned another somersault, and not for the first time that morning. She was already anticipating what the conversation regarding breakfast might be like. Her appetite wasn't as nonexistent as she would have expected, but she wasn't exactly eager to sit down to a full meal, either.
"Hey, El. You've certainly been busy from the looks of things."
"Guilty as charged. Nothing major, just tossed together a couple of simple items as potential breakfast options, plus I put a pot of soup on the stove for dinner later tonight."
The care and concern she was being shown warmed Olivia's heart. Already her partner had intuited that she might not be up to eating with the same favor as she had been, and had planned accordingly. She also knew that no matter what she said, she wasn't going to hurt Elliot's feelings.
"I still don't know how I feel on the subject of food just yet, but why don't you tell me a little bit about what you made, and maybe I can decide from there?"
"Of course."
Both of the items that Elliot mentioned sounded good, and neither one was overwhelming at all. In fact, Olivia was touched that he had gone to such lengths to ensure that she would have something – but not surprised. Ever since he had reentered her life, all Elliot had wanted to do was take care of her, and Olivia only wished that she had let him do that sooner as opposed to fighting it.
"Don't get me wrong, the baked oatmeal cups sound delicious, but I'm worried they might be a bit too heavy than what my stomach can handle at the moment. I think I'm willing to try some of that granola, though. Maybe pair it with some yogurt and that fruit I saw you cutting up when I walked in?"
"Sounds good to me. One fruit and yogurt parfait coming right up."
Even though she knew it wasn't necessary, Olivia needed to do something with her hands or she would go insane. While Elliot was preparing her simple meal, she took it upon herself to fix their coffee.
"I need to ask you something, Liv, and I want you to be honest with me. Are there any smells that would be triggering for you right now? The reason why I want to know is because I was thinking of making a breakfast sandwich for myself to eat, but I won't do it if it's going to bother you."
As much as Olivia hated asking her partner to refrain from anything on her behalf, she knew there was no way she could handle the scent of frying meat right now. The scent would remind her too much of burned flesh, and as it was, her scars were aching as phantom pains settled in to remind her of just what day it was.
"Eggs would be okay, but I won't be able to stomach the smell of any meat. I'm sorry."
"You don't have to apologize. Also, did you forget that I'm Catholic? A large portion of my life has been spent abstaining from meat. Granted it was typically on Fridays during Lent, but I think I can handle a morning or two without."
Hiding her smile behind her coffee mug as she took a sip of the fragrant brew, Olivia was yet again grateful for Elliot's understanding. Even more so when he brought his food over to join her at the table a few minutes later and she saw that he had purposely prepared his eggs scrambled, likely to ensure they would give off the least amount of smell as possible.
As for the parfait she was eating, Olivia was managing better than she could have imagined. Granted, she was taking tiny bites, and the portion she had been given was smaller than she had grown accustomed to, but it was indeed very delicious. It was too soon to even consider the possibility of the soup that was simmering on the stove, however, but she was grateful that the most of the decisions regarding food had been taken out of her hands for the day.
"Were you wanting to get out of the house at all today? You don't have to answer now, so if you need time to think about it, take as long as you need. I'll also understand if you just want to stay in."
Although Elliot's question didn't really require an answer, Olivia still felt the need to respond.
"I'm not really in the mood to go anywhere specific, but I'm hoping I might feel up to sitting outside at some point later."
"We can do that."
Olivia set her spoon down. She wasn't done eating yet, but she did need to take a break. Drinking some more of her coffee, she tried not to drain it all at once. Even though she wasn't as restrictive with her caffeine as she had been initially, she knew these next few days would not be the time to have much in excess. Her nerves were already on edge as it was.
"Don't force yourself to finish that if you can't, Liv."
"I won't. I was just taking a little break. It's very good. I don't know where you found the recipe for this granola, but it's a keeper."
"Noted."
Elliot finished his sandwich, and as a courtesy, got up almost immediately to wash off his plate and put it into the dishwasher. He wanted to do whatever possible to reduce the amount of residual smells that had lingered in the kitchen as a result of his meal. After pausing at the stove long enough to give the soup a stir, he returned to the table, forgoing a second cup of coffee only because he knew Olivia would be going without one, too.
"Did you want any more yogurt or granola?"
Knowing that Elliot wasn't trying to pressure her into eating anything more beyond her limits, and was merely trying to see if he could put away the ingredients still out on the counter, Olivia didn't feel uneasy giving her answer.
"No, thank you. This is plenty for now. I'll let you know if I get hungry again later, though."
Finishing up the remainder of her food, and still needing to feel useful, Olivia took care of her own dirty dishes. As she neared the stove, she caught a whiff of the soup simmering on the back burner, and while it didn't exactly spark anything with her appetite wise, the aroma gave her an additional sense of comfort – almost like a warm hug.
"Can we go head into the living room for a bit? I don't think I can handle the ghost hunting travel show we typically watch today, I'm too haunted by my own demons, but I could certainly use a distraction."
"Of course. Just give me a minute, and I'll join you."
Nodding her assent, Olivia padded into the other room. She was already immensely relieved that she had chosen to dress in comfortable clothes today, including the addition of her partner's hoodie. She also wasn't surprised that Elliot hadn't said anything about her act of thievery – after all, the sweatshirt was practically hers now anyway.
By the time Elliot had returned to the living room, Olivia had found something for them to tune into. She waited until her partner had sat and made himself comfortable, before snuggling up against him, only allowing herself to relax when she felt a secure arm wrap around her shoulders and hold her close. Resting her head against Elliot's chest, Olivia inhaled deeply, and realized exactly what had caused her partner's delay – he had been applying a fresh spritz of cologne to his clothes, and what anxiety that had been creeping up within her began to calm almost instantly.
It was when they were halfway through the second episode of the program that they were watching that Olivia's phone chimed with an incoming message. Not recognizing the sender, she hesitated to view the content, especially when she noticed that there was a video attachment included. Figuring it to be telemarketing scheme of some sort, Olivia tried to delete the text, only to inadvertently open it instead. The video began to play, and a voice she had never wanted to hear again filled the room, paralyzing her with fear.
"Do you still miss me, Sunshine?"
For what seemed like an eternity, Olivia was unable to move. A part of her was convinced she was trapped in yet another nightmare, but something told her what was happening was all too real. Impulsively, she drew back her arm to launch her phone across the room, in the hopes of shattering it and preventing that horrifying video from ever playing again. However, it appeared that Elliot was thinking more clearly than she was, as he stopped her and removed the device from her shaking hand.
"I know, Liv. Believe me, I know. I want to destroy it, too. But we need to call this in, get TARU on it. They'll need your phone to track the source of the message."
After sparing only a moment to impart some logic, Elliot didn't hesitate to wrap his terrified partner in the safety of his embrace. Likely the only reason Olivia wasn't hyperventilating at this point was because she could scarcely manage to draw in breath at all, and his primary concern at this point was her well being. Before he could say anything else, however, it was Olivia who managed to speak, disbelief and confusion evident in her voice.
"He's dead. I know he's dead. I saw his body with my own two eyes in the morgue. I had wanted that reassurance. Why isn't he in hell where he belongs? Why is he still haunting me? Will I ever be free?"
All Elliot wanted to do was turn back the clock and prevent Olivia from ever having seen that dreadful message. More than that, he wanted to erase the existence of William Lewis from her life completely. But it was not within his power to do that. What he could do, however, was find out who was responsible for bringing that monster back to the forefront, and on today of all days – because Elliot was convinced that the timing of that video was not a coincidence.
"Just hang on to me, Liv. I'm not going anywhere, I'm going to be right here beside you. Did you want me to have my phone on speaker when I called Fin, or would you rather I talk to him privately?"
Unable to say anything more, Olivia just shook her head, and Elliot lifted his phone from the coffee table and began to dial. Thankfully, Fin answered on the first ring, and after bypassing any perfunctory greetings, Elliot got straight to the point.
"Hey, man. Liv got a video message from Lewis on her cell. You need to find someone from TARU who can help, and both of you need to get here ASAP. She was barely holding on by a thread as it was considering what what day it was, and I'm worried this might be the final straw."
Several explicit curses echoed down the line as Fin swore.
"Let me talk to Murphy, see if he can arrange it for Morales and I to take a helicopter to Cape May. I don't want to waste time driving if there's a chance we can get there faster. I'll call you back when we're on our way. You take care of our girl."
"Will do."
As soon as he had hung up, Elliot devoted all of his attention back on his partner. He was immediately even more concerned, as he could tell she was starting to disassociate.
"Liv, can you hear me? Fin is going to get Ruben Morales and they are both going to come here. We're going to find out who is behind this."
"He's never going to leave me alone."
Olivia had drawn her knees up to her chest, and wrapped her arms around her legs. In an effort to self soothe, she was rocking back and forth, and her eyes were fixated on the door across the room, as though she expected the ghost of William Lewis to walk through at any second.
"I won't let anyone hurt you."
Still not certain if his promise had been heard, Elliot was even more convinced that the trauma caused by the phone call had done irreparable damage when Olivia uncurled herself from the protective cocoon she had created for herself, making a mad dash for the powder room underneath the stairs. Even though she had been mostly muttering to herself along the way, her voice carried to her partner.
"I'm going to be sick."
It was reminiscent of his first night here in the cottage, when he and Olivia had just been reunited. The memories of how he'd triggered his partner – albeit inadvertently – came flooding back, as well as the recollection of how ill she'd become after attempting to eat. Just as he had then, he wasn't going to let her go through it on her own now, either.
Crossing to the small bathroom in as few strides as possible, Elliot lowered himself to the floor beside Olivia where she knelt in front of the toilet retching. He wanted to do whatever he could to help, but the last thing he wanted was to potentially traumatize her further.
"Is it all right if I hold your hair back, Liv? I want to help, but I don't want to touch you without your consent."
Thankfully, his voice must have registered enough that the woman to his right was able to manage a small nod. Gathering her chestnut tresses loosely in one hand, he pulled them up and out of the way. With his other palm, he rubbed Olivia's back in soothing circles, trying to provide comfort in whatever way he could.
"Let it out, Liv."
Olivia continued to gag several more times, expelling much of the contents from her stomach. It was only when she'd nearly exhausted herself that she all but collapsed weakly onto the floor. Catching her easily, Elliot cradled her against him.
"Did you want to sit here for a few minutes, or do you want to go back out into the other room?"
"Get me out of here. It's too small. I feel like the walls are closing in."
"You've got it. Is it all right if I pick you up?"
Again, Olivia nodded her consent. Elliot easily lifted his partner into his arms and carried her out to lay her gently on the couch. Noticing just how much she was shivering, he covered her with a blanket, and promised he would be back in just a few seconds. He hadn't wanted to leave her alone at all, but thought it would help if Olivia could wipe her face with a damp cloth and perhaps sip some water. When he returned, the last thing he was expecting was for his partner to shift her position, making space for him to slide in beside her. Understanding immediately what was being asked of him, Elliot sat down, and Olivia cuddled up to him right away. She was practically clinging to him for all she was worth, and he hated to see her so shaken.
A chime from his phone caught Elliot's attention, and he quickly glanced at the display. It was a message from Fin, letting him know that both he and Ruben Morales were in route and were expected to reach Cape May as soon as possible. Lieutenant Murphy, still the interim CO of SVU had arranged for everything, and had even managed to get Cape May PD to agree to help Fin and Ruben with transportation. Elliot was relieved about one thing, however – the way things looked now, the two would be arriving in an unmarked sedan, and even though she was mostly unresponsive again, Elliot knew Olivia would appreciate that. The last thing she'd want right now is even more attention drawn to her – but that would be precisely the kind of thing that William Lewis would crave. The more that monster remained in obscurity, the better.
By the time Fin, Ruben, and an officer from Cape May PD arrived, Olivia was practically catatonic. Out of fear for his partner's well-being, Elliot had left an emergency message with Lydia, explaining the situation and asking that she contact him as soon as possible. He had also been worried that the knock on the door would frighten Olivia even more than she already was, so it was much to Elliot's relief that Fin merely sent a text message to alert them when he was waiting on the other side. As much as he hated leaving Olivia alone for any reason – even the few precious seconds it would take him to admit their friend, Elliot knew it was a necessity. Moving as quickly as possible, he let the two men into the cottage. Thankfully Ruben simply took Olivia's phone and went directly to the kitchen with the other officer to set up his laptop to begin his work, just as desperate as the rest of them to find out where the message could have originated from.
Before Elliot could say anything to Fin, his phone rang, and he immediately recognized the number as being from Lydia's office. Excusing himself, he stepped away to take the call, knowing Olivia would be in safe hands.
"Hello?"
"Yes, Elliot. I was going to call later today to check on Olivia anyway, especially given that it marks the one year anniversary of her initial trauma, but from what you're telling me, there has been a new development?"
"That's right."
Elliot went on to explain in even more detail, including Olivia's reaction to the video and her current non-responsive state.
"For any other patient, I'd normally recommend going to the emergency room in a situation like this. However, I know that in Olivia's case, that would only make things worse. I don't want her to suffer unnecessarily, though. I'll tell you what I can do. I'm working a shift with the mobile crisis team later. Why don't you give me your address, and we can swing by. Maybe if I see her in person, I can better assess and determine treatment."
"That would be great. Thank you."
Prior to hanging up, Lydia gave Elliot some advice of what he could do in the meantime to try and draw Olivia out. She wasn't expected to be fully conversational, only a bit more responsive. Returning to the living room, he found Fin sitting with Olivia, trying to comfort the obviously shaken woman. Without saying a word, Elliot asked his friend if his partner had spoken, and received only a shake of the head in response. Hoping the news he was about to deliver might get a reaction, Elliot positioned himself on the coffee table directly in Olivia's field of vision.
"Hey, Liv. I just talked to Lydia. She said she's going to stop by and check in on you in a bit. Just so you know, someone else will be with her, but I'm going to be with you the whole time."
Somehow, something of what Elliot had said must have resonated on some level with Olivia. Even though she looked at him without really seeing him, she still was able to speak for the first time since she'd retreated into herself.
"Lydia's coming? I don't want to go back to the hospital."
Having already anticipated this particular fear, Elliot was quick to dissuade it as fast as he could.
"She knows that, and so do I. That's why she's coming here instead of having you meet her at her office. Apparently there is a mobile crisis team, and it's her turn to be on shift tonight. She can work with you here."
Wanting to add his reassurance as well, Fin jumped into the conversation.
"I'll be here, too. I won't let anything happen, Liv."
As though she had only just registered her friend's presence, even though she was currently ensconced in his arms, Olivia was a bit bewildered.
"Fin, when did you get here? I vaguely remember Elliot mentioning that you and Ruben were coming, but I wasn't sure if that was real or not."
"It's real, and so am I. Ruben is in the other room working on your phone right now. We're going to get to the bottom of this, and we're not leaving until we do."
As though manifesting a solution into existence, not long after Fin had voiced that simple statement into the room, Ruben called out from the kitchen.
"I think I've got something!"
Elliot desperately wanted answers, but he also knew Olivia was in no condition to learn just who had targeted her. Likewise, as he no longer had a badge, he didn't want to do anything that could potentially interfere with an investigation that might result in the person responsible getting away on a technicality. It was why Cape May had sent along one of their own officers to supervise, not just to preserve the chain of custody, but to ensure that everything was above board and done to the letter. Thankfully, Fin didn't have anything that was holding him back, and he stood to go see what was going on.
"I'll see what they've found. Don't worry, you know I'll keep you in the loop as much as I can."
While it seemed like an eternity, it was really only about thirty minutes before Elliot found out what had transpired. He couldn't make out everything that was going on, but the kitchen was a veritable flurry of activity. Fin was trying to coordinate with Rafael Barba, trying to secure a warrant. Apparently they wanted to search the apartment of a woman called Bronwyn Freed. At first the name meant nothing to Elliot, but judging by the sheer rage in Fin's posture, she must have been a very pivotal person in Olivia's case. That was when the bells went off. Bronwyn had been the jury foreperson who had caused so much havoc during the trial casting doubt on Olivia's credibility, and who had also smuggled in drugged cupcakes so that William Lewis could escape from prison. Obviously, his partner was reacting negatively to this news as well. Elliot had even felt the way his Olivia's body had tensed when the name was spoken out loud, even though she had all but slipped back into her non responsive state.
Elliot was about to intervene on Olivia's behalf again, had thought about trying to get her upstairs and away from some of the chaos – something he likely should have done before – but his phone rang, disrupting his focus. It was Lydia who was calling, and a glance out the window informed him that the mobile unit had just arrived. Since Fin had just ended his own conversation, Elliot called out to his friend, needing all the help he could get.
"Hey, Fin? Can you get the door, please?"
"Of course."
Thankfully, much like the officer assigned by the Cape May PD, the other individual accompanying Lydia was also female. Elliot wasn't sure how his partner would respond to a strange man in her presence right now. Fin and Ruben were people Olivia knew and was familiar with and comfortable around, so that was a different matter entirely. But strangers? There was no telling how she would react. Luckily, the new visitors seemed to strike some sort of response in the woman sitting half frozen on the couch.
"Elliot? What is Lydia doing here?"
"She just came by to check on you, Liv, remember? I also told you she was bringing someone with her. Why don't we all go upstairs where it will be quieter, so you can hear yourself think while you talk?"
"You'll stay with me, though, right?"
"Of course. I'm not going anywhere."
Reaching out a hand, Elliot exhaled a small sigh of relief when Olivia placed her fingers in his. Despite the obvious conflicting emotions on her face, the level of trust she placed in him was also very much evident. Wrapping an arm around his partner's waist to support her as they made their way up the stairs, Elliot glanced back over his shoulder toward the kitchen.
"Fin?"
"Don't worry, man. I've got everything under control down here. With luck, we'll have some good news by the time you both get back."
Though she still wasn't speaking much, Olivia was able to articulate enough to let Elliot know that she wanted him to sit on the bed with her. Specifically, with his back against the headboard so she could recline against his chest. That particular position would give her a sense of safety, as well as give her a full line of sight at every possible place in the room. With her partner providing a second set of eyes, Olivia was able to relax ever so slightly. It didn't, however, ease the panic she felt, and that was one of the first things that Lydia wanted to address.
"Olivia, I know it's hard and that you're struggling right now, but I need for you to try and work with me. First off, we're all going to focus on our breathing. Inhale slowly for a count of four, then exhale for the same."
Elliot also tried to help.
"Feel my breaths against your back, Liv, and try and match them, okay?"
Managing a nod, Olivia's shaky breathing gradually began to even out. Once she had stopped hyperventilating, Lydia tried again with another calming exercise.
"I want you to look around the room for me. Tell me, can you name five things that you can see?"
"The seashell that Elliot gave me from the last time we visited the beach. The fluffy robe that I wear when I'm going to and from the bathroom for my morning shower or nightly bath. The electronic tablet that Elliot uses when he reads to me when I can't sleep. The television that we keep on at night while we're unwinding before bed. And, my reflection in the mirror."
"That's very good, Olivia. Let's all inhale again for a count of four, hold for just a second, then exhale for a count of four. Now, tell me four things you can touch."
Already visibly calmer, Olivia licked her lower lip before beginning to speak.
"The gray hoodie that I'm wearing, the one that Elliot is always teasing me about having stolen from him. That, and the blanket from the bed, the one that I wrap myself up in like it's a protective cocoon when I'm feeling anxious."
Her voice getting gradually stronger, Olivia continued.
"I can touch Elliot's hand, feel his palm against mine, and it gives me strength. Lastly, I can touch the tears on my cheeks, and I'm aware for the first time that I've been crying – but I'm not upset or ashamed by that."
Lydia led Olivia through another round of breathing, then moved on to the next step of bringing her out of her panic attack.
"Tell me three things that you can hear."
For this particular part of the exercise, Olivia's brow furrowed in concentration more than it had previously. It was understandable, as there was not a lot of noise evident in the room, and even though there were no right or wrong answers, she was determined to work her way through the process.
"I can hear the second hand on Elliot's watch. Also, the faucet in the sink in the bathroom drips ever so slightly if it's not turned off properly. I can hear that, too. Last but not least, even though they're not being very loud, I can hear Fin and Ruben talking to one another downstairs."
"That's very good, Olivia. Breathe again for me."
Olivia complied with the instructions, her body relaxing even more against Elliot's. When Lydia asked her to name two things she could smell, she didn't even have to think about it.
"That one is easy. The first is Elliot's cologne. I'd asked him to keep extra on hand, because the scent of the familiar fragrance is very grounding for me. The other isn't as obvious, but I can still notice traces of the baking Elliot did this morning, even though I haven't eaten any of it yet."
Last but not least, Olivia was asked to name one thing she could taste. All but back to full lucidity, she felt only the most minute trace of shame as she explained the first thing that came to mind. Even though she knew no one would think less of her, it was still something she didn't want to remember.
"I can taste the mint mouthwash I used after I was sick earlier. I suppose it's better than the alternative though, and for that I'm grateful."
Marginally calmer than she had been, Olivia's breathing had returned to normal. She was also speaking in her usual tone, and had lightened the death grip she had been keeping on her partner's hand.
"Do you think you can tell me more about what happened today, Olivia? Or, would you rather Elliot help explain?"
"I can try, but maybe he could fill I the gaps if I have trouble?"
"That's fine."
Starting with her sleep disturbances during the night, Olivia detailed to her psychiatrist exactly what had been going on since the anniversary of her trauma had officially begun. She also made sure to mention what coping strategies she had employed, and though she was embarrassed to mention her lack of appetite that morning, Lydia had understood perfectly.
"I won't say I was doing fine – because I certainly wasn't – but I was most definitely muddling my way through. It was just when that text message arrived that all hell seemed to break loose. I hadn't even intended to open it, it was purely an accident. Then I heard his voice and it was like my brain completely switched off."
"You know that's a trauma response, Olivia, and it's not your fault. Your mind and body were simply trying to protect you. It's a defense mechanism of sorts, but I'm glad we were able to stop it before it progressed any further. I know the last thing that you want right now is to have to leave the comfort that this place provides."
"You're not going to make me go to the hospital?"
Lydia shook her head.
"I don't believe you are a danger to yourself, and certainly not to others. As long as you keep communicating – not only with me, but also with Elliot – we can continue to work with you. We have that video session scheduled for tomorrow, and if need be, I can arrange time to see you a third time this week, even if it means I fit you in during my lunch break."
Relieved, Olivia was able to agree to those terms and nod her consent. Before leaving, however, Lydia's colleague – who had spoken up for the first time since her arrival – had one thing to complete.
"If it's all right with you, Olivia, I'd like to take your vitals before we go. You're perfectly fine to remain seated as you are, I can work around you. I just want to have a record of your blood pressure and such to make sure that there are no other concerns."
"Of course."
Fifteen short minutes later, and after Elliot had signed a release form on Olivia's behalf because she didn't trust the state of her signature, Lydia and the the nurse from the mobile crisis team were on their way. Not wanting to leave his partner on her own, but eager for an update on the status of the pursuit of Bronwyn Freed, Elliot instead asked Olivia for permission to have Fin come upstairs. While they waited, he ran a washcloth under some cool water in the bathroom, and brought it to Olivia so she could wipe her face. Now that she was visibly calmer, Elliot knew his partner would want to freshen up.
By the time Fin made it to the second level, Elliot was back in the bed with his partner. Olivia looked so much better than the last time he had seen her just a short while ago, and he hoped that the news he was here to deliver would go a long way in improving her spirits – even if nothing could take away the heaviness of this day entirely.
"Hey, Liv. I brought you some water to drink."
"Thanks, Fin. So, what can you tell us? Did you find the psychotic bitch?"
That was the determined Olivia that he knew.
"Bronwyn is in custody. Munch and Nick served the warrant on her apartment, found a hard drive there, along with the phone that was traced as being the one that sent the message to yours. Apparently she wasn't smart enough to have used a burner, but that worked out in our favor."
Noting that his partner was battling a myriad of emotions, and not wanting her to dive headlong back into another panic attack, Elliot decided to be the one to ask the question on both his and Olivia's minds.
"Just what was on the hard drive?"
"For the sake of it being an ongoing investigation, I can't go into too much detail, but let me just say that Lewis must have paid Bronwyn a visit earlier this year prior to beginning his little crime spree. She was apparently supposed to deliver messages at regular intervals on certain dates."
Olivia's hand closed into a fist, and Elliot was concerned at first, until he realized that his partner was only visualizing the other woman's face on the receiving end of an invisible punch she had yet to throw. Understanding Fin's need to be vague, Elliot was grateful for the lack of information in this particular instance.
"What are the next steps?"
"Ruben is headed back to the city. He and the officer from Cape May have already left. I'm going to stay here for a few days, keep an eye on things from this end. Also, Cape May PD will be checking in, too. They have been coordinating with Lieutenant Murphy, and we've all agreed it's best to have someone here. It's what we should have done ahead of time. I'm sorry, Liv."
"Not your fault."
Olivia opened her mouth to speak, but Fin stopped her before she could utter a word.
"And it's not your fault, either. I don't want you worrying about anything. I've already made myself at home, and put my things in the guest room. I also noticed that it appears that Stabler has been cooking some soup, so maybe I'll help out later too, and make a few sandwiches to go with our meal."
"Thanks, Fin."
Sensing a need for a change of subject, and also well aware of Olivia's obvious fatigue after the emotional turmoil she had endured, Elliot decided to see whether or not is partner wanted to rest. He already a fairly good idea what the answer to that particular question would be, the real mystery was what venue Olivia would prefer.
"Did you want to rest for a bit, Liv?"
"I did, but-"
Easily anticipating what she was going to next, Elliot didn't hesitate to interrupt.
"You don't want to be alone. So I was going to suggest that, if you wanted, you could come back downstairs with us. We won't make too much noise, and you can nap on the couch while Fin and I talk in the kitchen. That way, we'll still be close by, but you can get the breather that I know you need."
"That would be great."
Elliot made no mention of lunch, knowing that introducing food so soon after Olivia's stomach had only just settled would be unwise. He had briefly considered the idea of offering a smoothly, but his mind quickly vetoed that option as well. The way he saw it, if Olivia wanted something, she would ask for it. After all, when Fin had mentioned the possibility of dinner, she hadn't objected, so she was obviously planning on eating something later.
When Olivia got off the bed, bottle of water in hand, Elliot grabbed one the pillows. Remembering to give the fabric a spritz of his cologne, he followed his partner and Fin down to the lower level of the cottage. There, Olivia made herself comfortable on the couch, grateful for the amenities she had been provided with – and the reassurances that the door had once again been securely locked after everyone had departed.
Upon her request, Fin and Elliot stayed with Olivia in the living room until she had fallen asleep, and only then did they venture into the kitchen. While it hadn't been a regular part of his routine to drink any of the beverage beyond the morning hours, Elliot was desperate for something to do, so he put a pot of coffee on to brew. He also knew that Fin was likely to need the caffeine, as he suspected their friend was planning to keep watch – even if no actual physical danger was present.
"Can I get you anything else?"
"You can sit down. I know how to pour my own damn coffee. Tell me that you're taking care of yourself, Stabler."
Fin never had been one to mince words. Elliot supposed that since Don was still out at sea with his wife, the other man had taken it upon himself to make sure that he, too, wasn't drowning. No matter what their conflicts were in the past, Elliot appreciated the concern.
"I am. I've been keeping up with my meetings, and have even found a surrogate sponsor I can talk to when Don is out of reach."
"Good. Because you don't need me to tell you how much she needs you right now. She won't be able to handle it if you break her again, so don't even think about it."
"I'm not going anywhere."
Fin gave a firm nod, and that particular conversation, as it was, was considered over. Both in need of a lighter topic, Fin decided to tease his former coworker on his recently developed domestic skills.
"So, when did you become such an expert cook?"
"Actually, Liv and I have been learning together. I don't want to speak for her, but I think it's really been helping. That, and Owen has taken to giving her cooking lessons, too. I think Don would be pleased that the kitchen is still in one piece."
The two men had been talking for a little more than an hour when a sharp, frightened cry from the living room captured both of their attention. Not hesitating in the slightest, Elliot raced to Olivia's side. He didn't want her trapped in her nightmare for a moment longer than necessary.
"Liv, wake up. It's Elliot. You're safe. Just open your eyes."
"El?"
"Yeah."
Olivia reached out her hand, and Elliot caught it and held on for all he was worth. He was worried for a moment that his partner may have forgotten the events from earlier, and somehow incorporated them into the dream, and that perhaps he might have to explain that they were in fact real. Thankfully, there was no such confusion.
Once Olivia had a few moments to get her bearings, she was about to broach the sensitive subject of food. It just so happened that particular topic was at the forefront for Elliot's mind as well. Not wanting to overwhelm his partner unnecessarily, he had considered suggesting the idea of making her a smoothie. However, it appeared that Olivia's stomach was thinking ahead of either one of them when it growled noisily. All three of the people in the room exchanged a look with one another, and there appeared to be a brief ongoing contest between them as to who would break. Ultimately, it was Olivia who lost the battle, dissolving into her first laughter of the day. The sound was music to Elliot's ears, as were the words that followed.
"I guess I should take that as a sign that I should eat something, even though I was just about to ask about that very thing. Do you think the soup is ready? Despite the rude outburst from my stomach just now, I'm not that hungry, but I think I could manage a small bowl."
"Of course. Did you want to come out to the kitchen to eat, or would you prefer to stay in here?"
Olivia elected to remain where she was. If she hadn't been so touched by the concern and care she was being shown, it would have been almost amusing at the way the two men were almost falling over themselves to fuss over her. While Elliot was preparing her bowl of soup, Fin was making her a cup of tea. In a few minutes time, they were bringing in enough food for all three of them, and Olivia greatly appreciated the fact that she would not have to eat alone. Also, Elliot had included the remaining loaf of french bread that they had baked the other day with Owen. Even though she knew there was no logical reason to be nervous, Olivia found herself holding her breath as her friend buttered a slice and took his first bite.
"Damn, Liv. Where have you been hiding your culinary talents all these years? If I'd known you could cook like this, we wouldn't have had to buy stuff for the precinct all this time."
"Funny, Fin. I never cooked because I never had time. Owen has been teaching me as a coping strategy, that and because there are only so many times I can spar with Elliot before he gets sick of me."
Knowing that his partner's moods would likely fluctuate over the next few days, Elliot was still glad to see Olivia with a brighter spirit than she had shown most of the day. He had no doubt that the knowledge that Bronwyn Freed had been taken into custody already helped immensely.
Conversation was minimal while the group ate, aside from a bit more teasing from Fin toward Elliot regarding his cooking. The banter continued to put Olivia at ease, and by the time she had finished what little soup had been in her bowl, she was even more visibly relaxed.
"Did you want to watch something, Liv? Have a bit of a distraction?"
The question had come from Elliot, but Olivia couldn't help but glance at Fin as well. Not that she felt she needed her friend's permission, but it was just a part of her deeply rooted instincts to ensure that everyone got along that she just couldn't shake.
"Don't worry about me, you do whatever you need. I'll even watch something with subtitles if it makes you feel better."
Feeling the warmth of all the love she was being shown from all sides encapsulate her heart, Olivia curled up against Elliot and passed him the remote. She knew already that the same thing from that morning still applied – the ghost hunting show they had previously been viewing would not be a wise choice. She'd had more than her fair share of being haunted today as it was. However, the travel episodes still appealed to her greatly, and now that her stomach wasn't turning as many somersaults as before, and she had managed to eat something, the food shows were a great option.
With Olivia and Elliot curled up together on the couch, and Fin sitting in the nearby armchair, the trio spent the next few hours vicariously traveling around Europe. Thankfully, none of the culinary delicacies that were shown featured questionable ingredients, and Olivia couldn't help but add some of those potential trips to her dream bucket list.
Later that evening, after making sure the smell wouldn't be a problem, Fin went out to pick up a pizza for himself and Elliot. Olivia was planning on just eating more soup, not willing to test her sensitive stomach with more than it could handle. The three of them were lounging around after dinner when Fin's phone rang, and even though Olivia visibly tensed, it was obvious she was curious as to what was going on, especially when her friend mentioned that the caller was none other than Rafael Barba.
Elliot held Olivia's hand throughout the duration of Fin's conversation with the ADA, knowing how much she would need his support. It had been on the tip of his tongue to break in and mention to the lawyer about the other phone call his partner had received from the ledger, but as the harassment had not continued, he had deemed it not as important as the other events of the day. When Fin ultimately hung up, the look on his face was a triumphant one, and Olivia could breathe a little easier as she waited to hear just what had happened.
"Bronwyn Freed will be arraigned first thing in the morning. In addition to charges of harassment, what she has done is a violation of her earlier conviction regarding her role in breaking Lewis out of jail. I don't think she'll be seeing daylight for some time."
Relieved, Olivia allowed herself to believe in the possibility that while the next few days might not be completely free of nightmares, there was a potential to get through them in a better way than she had today. But at least she wasn't as terrified about the idea of falling asleep tonight as she had been earlier.
Not yet ready to start her usual nightly routine, Olivia instead opted to spend a bit more time downstairs watching television with both of the men who were making her feel safe. There would be time for her bath later, and it wasn't as though she kept a strict schedule, anyway. Maybe some of the delay was avoidance on her part, a tactic to try and prevent a repeat of the nightmares she had experienced the night before, but Olivia was going to try and relax as best as she possibly could.
It wasn't until just before she was about to head upstairs to get ready for her bath that Olivia's phone chimed for only the second time that day. Her body had frozen instinctively, having remembered when she'd last seen a message. Thankfully, Elliot intercepted on her behalf, picking up the device and expertly unlocking it to read the text before she could see. It was when he smiled that Olivia allowed herself to breathe normally again.
"It's only Owen, checking in on you. He would have sent something earlier, but he was pulling a double at the VA today. Said if you need anything to let him know."
Holding out her hand, Olivia quickly typed a response back to her friend. She left out some of the more horrifying details of her day, but thanked him for his concern. When she was finished, she got to her feet, and gestured toward the stairs.
"I think I'm going to head up, soak in the tub for awhile. I'll let you know when I'm ready for bed."
"Will you be okay, or did you want company like last night?"
Olivia chanced a glance at Fin, her curiosity having gotten the better of her and wondering how her friend was interpreting that exchange. There was no judgment on his face whatsoever.
"I think I'll be okay. Would it be all right if I borrowed some of your things to sleep in tonight, though?"
"Of course. Help yourself to whatever you'd like."
All Olivia had really needed to snag from her partner's wardrobe had been a pair of flannel pajama pants with a drawstring waist. She already had plenty of Elliot's NYPD tee shirts in her possession, so she simply grabbed her favorite one from her dresser drawer. Her method of thinking was that if her partner's cologne already helped ground her, perhaps encapsulating herself completely in his scent would do even more.
After filling the tub with hot water and plenty of her lavender and chamomile scented bath foam, Olivia lowered herself into the sea of bubbles. While she typically elected to leave the lights off during her nightly bath and unwind by candlelight, tonight she had elected to leave all the bulbs burning brightly. She had also chosen to avoid any burning flames, and had instead opted for the flameless LED tealights that Elliot had purchased for her. She was trying to conscientiously avoid as many triggers as possible, and while she had almost completely survived the first day – albeit barely – there were still three more to endure.
As for an audio background, Olivia had selected from her relaxation playlist. She was trying to avoid splashing any water outside the tub as much as possible, as her phone was closer than she normally kept it. Usually she placed it on the sink, but on the off chance that she needed to call her partner, she had wanted to keep the device nearby.
Thirty minutes later, Olivia felt sufficiently more at peace. She would have liked to have soaked for longer, but the water was starting to cool, and her fingers had been pruning for awhile. Allowing the water to drain, she carefully got to her feet, then wrapped her body in the oversized fluffy cotton towel. Once she was back on solid ground, she sent a message to Elliot, letting him know she was out of the tub and getting ready for bed. Given what he'd have to wrap up downstairs, Olivia reasoned they would likely be ready at about the same time. When her partner asked if she would like him to bring her up a cup of tea, she didn't hesitate to accept.
After applying her moisturizer and the scar minimizing cream – using more care than normal because the wounds were actually more sensitive for some reason, Olivia dressed in her partner's clothes. Grabbing the bottle of cologne she had brought with her into the bathroom, she spritzed it liberally over herself. Making sure she had cleaned up her mess, Olivia stepped into the bedroom, and pulled back the covers to crawl into her side of the bed.
Propping herself against the headboard, Olivia arranged the blankets over her lower body. She had just gotten settled when there was a knock at the door. Even though she had told him repeatedly that it wasn't necessary, especially in cases where she had invited him to enter, Elliot was still so respectful of her privacy.
"You can come in, El."
"Here's your tea, Liv. I wanted to bring it to you first, before I get my things and change for bed."
"Thank you."
Promising to be right back, Elliot disappeared down the hall, returning in just a few minutes time. Despite the returning conflict in her mind, Olivia was unable to hide her amusement at the way she and her partner looked like twins in their similar choice of pajamas for the night. It certainly wasn't the first time that had happened, nor would it be the last, but it never failed to make her smile.
"Did you want to watch some more TV in here?"
"Yes, please. My brain is still being very loud. I hope it quiets down by the time I try and sleep."
Taking his position with his own blankets next to his partner, Elliot turned his head to the side.
"I didn't mention to this to you earlier, only because you were so upset, but when Lydia was here, she told me that if you needed to tonight you can take an extra melatonin. So long as you don't exceed a dose of ten milligrams a day, you should be just fine."
"I'll keep that in mind. Thank you for letting me know. You're absolutely right, there is no way I could have processed that before."
Since she was going to be trying to sleep soon, Olivia knew that watching a show about food would not be a wise idea. Thankfully she and Elliot had plenty on their list to choose from that would help them relax and not require a ton of brain power to enjoy. Halfway through the first episode, Olivia had finished with her tea and taken her medicine. Adjusting her position so she could be more comfortable, she turned on her side to curl against her partner. As she started to grow more drowsy, that was when Elliot offered the suggestion to abandon the program entirely and read to her instead.
"I'd like that."
Picking up where he had left off in reading Sense and Sensibility, Elliot continued reading to Olivia. Even though he knew there might be some parts he'd have to repeat, he didn't even stop after he knew she had fallen asleep, wanting to be certain that his partner was truly in a peaceful slumber before stopping. It was only when Elliot could feel the exhales of Olivia's breath against the side of his neck in an even pattern that he finally paused and saved his place. Setting the tablet to the side, he dimmed the light, not wanting to extinguish it entirely.
Vowing to stay awake just a little bit longer in case he was needed – even though Fin was also keeping watch downstairs – Elliot said a prayer that tonight would be kinder to Olivia, and that the next few days would not be as traumatic as today had been. He also hoped that whatever judge was in charge of Bronwyn Freed's arraignment come morning would show no mercy, because the woman didn't deserve any at all. Eventually, fatigue won out over watchfulness, and Elliot drifted off to sleep, Olivia nestled safe in his arms. They had survived the first day of her anniversary together, and he would ensure she got through the rest standing tall.