Naruto x Genre 1 (Haram)
"Can anyone believe this shit?" Naruto asked, arriving at the dorm he and the rest of the now reunited Team 7 shared.
"What is it now?" Sai asked, looking up from his sketch pad. The former Root ANBU had come a long way in the year that Naruto had known him. He was actually smiling and showing emotions, though… "Has someone made another comment about your dick again?"
…fixing his bad social habits is still a work on progress.
"In your fucking dreams. No, that little prick is going on and on about that stupid genre of manga he reads." Naruto snapped at the painting shinobi. "Harem this, harem that. Like he would even know what it means to love anyone."
"And you would?" Sakura asked, walking out of her room.
Naruto quirked an eyebrow at her. "I am 18, not 16, Sakura. I know what it means. I spent several years with my Godfather, remember." He sighed. "I just don't understand how anyone can have multiple lovers and still remain faithful."
"Aren't you like that?" Sai asked. "I mean, you have several girls yourself, don't you? There's that Priestess girl from the Land of Demons, the current Daimyo of Spring Country, pretty sure the Leader of Vegetable Country has shown clear interest in you as well…"
"I'll stop you right there, Sai." Naruto interrupted him. "I know about them NOW, but back then I was too busy chasing Sakura's tail to care/understand what they wanted from me, and now that she has helped me find the right girl (Hinata), I highly doubt that I'll go from a single target mentality to whatever this Harem Bullshit is supposed to be."
"What is your problem with the genre anyway?" Sasuke asked, reading a volume of Bleach manga.
"You mean apart from the fact that none of the MC's in most any of the stories I have been forced to read by that little shit of a son of the Daimyo, are even remotely ready for an actual relationship? Let alone 2 or more? Or the fact that those that do end up knowing they have a harem, know what to do from then on? At least without going into R18 territory?"
The dorm was silent, before three heads mechanically turned towards him.
"Say what?" they all asked in equally deadpan voices.
"I am not joking. Half of the Manga and Light Novels the prick forced me into reading with him cut off at least 10 chapters in because he isn't old enough to read the rest." Naruto continued. "I mean, for Log's Sake, who in their right mind would let a 11-year-old read shit like Highschool DXD? Oh, right, the leader of a Nation who spends more time in the Inner court of the Palace than with his own Children."
"Ok, slow down there for a bit, Naruto." Sakura asked, irked because she was feeling lost there. "What is your real problem with the Harem Genre?"
What went unsaid was that there could have been a chance that Sakura would have found herself in a harem…because of Sasuke PLUS Clan Restoration Act PLUS Ino and several of their classmates PLUS an imbecilic Konoha Civilian Council of the time…enough said. She was so glad that Tsunade changed that law…
"Let's see. First there is the aforementioned reason where most of the MCs not knowing what to do once he got the girls, both willing and unwilling ones, and end up feeling lost in the maelstrom of trouble they find themselves in."
"They? Shouldn't it be him?" Sai asked.
"Let's not go there, alright? It is bad enough that I had to read that shit." Naruto groaned, then muttered something about 'reverse harem bullshit' and 'gonna puke'… "Then there are those that realize they have a gaggle of girls wanting to get into his pants, but he doesn't choose one of them, be it to prevent bloodshed because the girls would go all 'Yan' instead of 'dere', he, let's just stick with 'he' for this, he already has a significant other or he is gay. So glad there was only a single chapter in that stupid manga with that little tidbit of information at the very end…anyway, where was I?"
Naruto thought for a bit. "Oh right. The way these idiots get their harems is ridiculous. Most of the time it is because the MC was simply treating them like they treat everyone else, i.e. nice. Other times it is because the MC saved them from some minor event like being attacked by Bandits. Seriously, girls who have no valid reason not to be able to defeat such mob characters these days are useless." The rest of team 7 nodded in agreement at that last one.
"There is one that I had to read so far where the girls seem to like the MC because he is just as useless as they are." Naruto said.
"Really? Which one is that?" Sai asked.
"Konosuba or something. An Isekai type series where the plebian MC forces a goddess to accompany him into the new world, only for the goddess to literally become useless baggage on day 1, they are joined by a useless female tank who can't fight to save her life and a loli mage who can use exactly 1 spell a day before running out of gas or she would go nuclear…I don't know more, I kinda gave up on that series then already." Naruto ranted.
"Then there is a story where the MC grabs the heart of his harem by inverting the whole 'through the men's stomach' trope. Gotta say, Shokugeki no Soma has some good recipes to try out." Naruto continued.
"You sound like you like that one." Sasuke commented, turning a leaf in his own manga.
"Hey, the girls are the ones who grow out of the harem phase, except for the main female lead who apparently actually loves his cooking, not the dude himself. Girls are complicated and they were never shown to be dating, so yeah. But hey, there are Ramen Dishes in that story. What's not to like?" Naruto shrugged.
"Back to the topic at hand, the worst are the Amazon Harems. Seriously, it is like reliving the Academy days all over again, a bunch of girls trying to be with a strong bloke because he is stronger than everyone else, then the MC comes along, is stronger than that bloke, and then needs to escape the town/city lest he be kidnapped and sucked dry…" a shiver ran down Sasuke's back, not that anyone saw it.
"This is all just the stories about where the girls all want the MC because of selfish reasons, not the ones where they make peace with each other and force the MC into weird situations." Naruto continued.
"Oh really? Name two of those." Sai asked.
"'Isekai Nonbiri Nouka' and 'In another world with a Smartphone'." Naruto answered after a moment of silence.
"What's a smartphone?" Sakura asked.
"A picture frame, a communication device capable of chatting with a god, a camera, a map and an information archive all bunched into a little hand sized device. No idea what that thing is. There is no such magic here in the Elemental Nations." Naruto said. "Anyway, this guy gets an Amazon brigade as a Harem, i.e. they are not Sakura until her forehead seal was completed, though he apparently is no slouch either."
"And the other on…wait, what do you mean with comparing them with me?" Sakura asked.
"Tell you later. Can't have you destroying anything right now." Naruto quickly said. "Anyway the other story is about a dude who 'Isekai'd' into another world, given some ridiculous farming abilities, builds his farm in the middle of a forest where the ground is saturated with salt, and succeeds, gets a huge number of pets; wolves, spiders and bees to name a few, and as his farm becomes a village, he remains the only adult male in the entire village. The rest are all females. I stopped reading when it appeared as though the farm was going to start growing kids instead of food. Oh, and the females apparently have lethal reputations."
Sakura sighed. "I am probably going to regret this, but my curiosity is killing me. Is there a outlier, a harem mange that you seem to actually like?"
"Other than Shokugeki no Soma, probably 'How a realist hero rebuilt the kingdom'. Am still only on chapter 10, not a lot of a harem there yet, but unlike the other stories, the MC actually cares for the opinion and the feelings of his fiancée…"
"Wait, fiancée?" Sakura and Sai asked. "How do you know that word?"
"Shut up. Kakashi made me read and memorize the Dictionary, ok." Naruto snapped at them, deciding to ignore Sasuke's chuckle.
"Anyway, so far from what I read, there is one ex-princess who definitely loves him, but is still willing to share with at most 7 others, sheesh that one is specific, one let-down dark elf bodyguard who may join the harem because he saved her home town or something, and he has a little sister dressed up like a Miko."
"Hmm, maybe I should take a look at that one as well." Sakura commented, catching a book thrown by Naruto.
"Have fun." Naruto said, only to hold back a smirk when Sakura's face went beet red. "Oops. Sorry, gave you the wrong story. That's Highschool DxD, which I am going to throw into the incinerator."
BAM!
Naruto suddenly wondered why the ceiling was blue with clouds and why his face hurt.