Naruto x Fairy Tail

Magnolia City. X784 (Post Edolas Arc)

A beautiful place, famed for it's beautiful glowing trees, happy citizens…

#SoundsOfBattleAndMayhem

…and the infamous Mages Guild, Fairy Tail.

Now, everyone living in Magnolia, or at least anyone who has taken the basic introductory course when visiting said city, knows that a day without the sounds of battle originating from their proudly resident guild was rare and usually spelled massive destruction to their city. Mostly because the Mages in that guild don't give a shit and don't hold back whenever their home gets invaded.

Today was one of those days as the Guild had heard that their most dreaded team was returning from a Decade Quest.

And this team of three, dubbed Team 7 for reasons unknown to most of the guild, wrought more fear in the hearts of the likes of Natsu and Gray than even Erza does…the redhead's own fear being left unsaid.

They were so dreaded that when Makarov threatened to retire and have the leader of Team 7 take over his position, even his then deranged Grandson went down on his knees to beg him not to follow through with that threat.

And thus the guild was abuzz with activity as the mages hustled around, cleaning everything until it glittered in the torchlight, Mira and Lisanna were frantically busy in the Kitchen, cooking something, Erza was dressed up like a foreman, barking out orders in desperation while herself busy helping move tables and chairs around…

And all the while, Makarov was sitting on the second floor railing, chugging on an stein of beer and enjoying the peace and quiet. No damage reports to read, no messages of complaints from clients, no unneeded expenditures due to destroyed buildings/villages/towns/cities…Life was goooood.

And while the guildmembers were engrossed in cleaning up, they did not notice that 3 individuals entered the hall.

"Need a hand?" a blond mage asked Lucy, who was trying to move a barrel next to the door.

"Yes please. These things are heavy." Lucy answered, making the blond chuckle. "It's not funny."

"You are a Celestial mage, why not ask that Bull on your hip for help?" he asked.

"…" Lucy opened her mouth…then closed it. Why hadn't she thought of that?

"Hey Naruto." The two blond individuals turned to see a pinkette and a raven-haired guy approaching. "Any Idea what the fuss is about?"

"No Idea. Hey, Miss Celestial Mage, what is going on?" he asked Lucy.

"All I know is that some extremely dangerous people are returning…and given this guilds' tendency for 'the stronger the mage, the more idiotic he/she is', I feel like this Team 7 must be completely off their knockers." Lucy ranted.

"Hmm, I don't know about that. The Old Man seems like he is completely sane." The Pinkette answered.

"He is the odd one out. Have you seen Natsu, Gray and Erza?" Lucy commented.

"Not yet." Naruto said. "We just arrived."

"Fair enough." Lucy acknowledged. "Who are you by the way? I have never seen you here before."

"Oh, we just returned from a long quest. Names Naruto Uzumaki. The emo teme there is Sasuke Uchiha and that the Sakura Haruno. Nice t' meet ya." Naruto introduced himself and his team. "Now, we need to go and report to the old man on our mission…and possibly ruin his day."

"Did you also destroy a building?" Lucy asked.

"Nah, we destroyed a Kingdom." Naruto said offhandedly before he and the others walked through the throng of mages towards the stairs. Not that Lucy heard him as she was called by Erza to help out with cleaning the counter.

Shortly afterwards

"Hey guys, do you know of any mages named Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke?" Lucy asked her friends while on a break from the cleaning.

At the mention of the first name, the others all froze, Natsu and Gray even turning to stone that seemingly turned to dust, blown away on the wind.

Well, except for Wendy and Charle.

"Sorry, but I haven't heard of them." The young female Dragon Slayer said, her Exceed partner nodding in affirmation.

"Ne, Erza. What about…" Lucy turned to the redhead knight, only to find a paper white female in Erza's armour. "Erza?"

"You have met those…those…" Natsu shouted, only to freeze.

"Those what, Natsu?" with the sound of grinding stone on stone, Natsu's head turned to see Naruto behind him.

"Those…those people who owe me a fight." Natsu shouted, hoping for a quick end.

"Down, boy." Sakura slapped him over the head. "Sit." Natsu sat down on the bench. "Stay!"

"Yes Ma'am." Natsu was shivering in fear at this point, the others in the guild, having witnessed this weren't much better.

"Now then…I must say that is was most kind of you to clean up this place for our return, but seriously, did you really need to go this far for little old us?" Naruto asked.

"Mainly because Sasuke-sama is a neat freak." Erza stammered.

"He isn't/I am not this extreme…" Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke called out, indicating the squeaky clean guild hall. Hell, even the dust bins were reflecting the light, they were that clean.

"Firstly, Sasuke just tidies things up after him. It is Sakura who actually cleans the dust in their home." Naruto said.

"How would you know? Are you some kind of perv?" Lucy asked.

"Well, Miss My-Sex-Appeal-Is-Worth-Only-1000-Jewels, back in the day, when we first created our party, we shared an apartment in order to save on money. I did the cooking, Sasuke did the tidying and Sakura did the cleaning." Naruto explained. He then turned his attention to Wendy and Charla. "So, who is this cute new little sister?"

"Her name is Wendy, you unsophisticated Oaf!" Charla shouted, making the already pale mages pale even more.

"A feisty one, I see. Happy, is she your type?" Naruto asked, a very specific smirk adorning his face as he looked at the blue furball.

"She is, but please don't do anything to her." Happy begged.

"Fine, I won't do anything to just her." Naruto said.

"Naruto, have fun. Sakura and I will go out on a date." Sasuke said, holding back a smirk, mirrored by Sakura.

"Enjoy." Naruto waved at them. "Speaking of…Mirajane. Anything happen with Laxus? You used to be sweet on the little shit."

Mirajane turned bright red. "I did not…I never…"

"Heh. Sakura bet that you'd be dating by the time we got back." Naruto smirked. "Looks like Sasuke and I won the bet. Anyway, Lisanna. Natsu. How are things going with you two? Have you outpaced Mira and Laxus yet?"

"We thought Lisanna to be dead for 2 years." Natsu's answer made Naruto actually flinch.

"Ok…I'll have to get the details later…Lisanna, you're off the hook…for now." The blond said with a smirk. "But Natsu…what did I tell you about destroying stuff?"

"Not to…but you said you destroyed a kingdom!" Natsu countered.

"It is more complicated than that. The royal family there was overthrown with the help of Phantom Lord, who assassinated the previous King, and we still need to destroy that damned guild because of that for accepting an unsanctioned assassination quest, and the survivors were leading the rebellion to retake the kingdom. We aided the rebels because the true royal family are friends with the Royal Family of Fiore, who were our clients by the way, and because we could reveal some of the shit that Phantom did there…such as benefit from the usurper's slave trade." Naruto explained. "The only damage we did was easily repairable. Unlike you, we didn't go and destroy half the city simply because of it."

"Ha. Suck on it, Natsu." Gray barked a laugh.

"I wouldn't be laughing, Gray." The Ice mage froze at those words. "You are just as destructive as Natsu, though that may be because a certain someone never learned the meaning of restraint herself…" Naruto glanced at a certain mage, who was sweating. "Anyway, this is a Mages Guild, not a strip club. Either keep the clothes on or I will throw you into the Strip club in the Red Light district in Crocus City, Magically seal you in there, and…Yes, young lady?" Naruto asked a bluenette who approached them.

"Please don't bully Gray-sama." Juvia said, shivering under Naruto's gaze. His eyes were like a drill…one that pierced right through her very heart, soul and being.

"On second thought, I'll have your girlfriend here join you in the seal. She seems eager enough." Naruto commented.

"She's not…" Gray began, covering Juvia's 'Not yet!' but was interrupted by Naruto.

"Ice and Water are a powerful combo. Master Makarov also told me about something that happened to you around the time the blonde bimbo without much sex appeal here arrived." Naruto pointed a thumb at Lucy, who yapped a 'Hey!' at him. "Something about a mage using fortune telling magic on you? Your future containing trouble? Something about Water and Women?" (1)

"Can't remember." Gray said, finding the far corner very interesting for some reason.

"Well, that's your problem, 'cause you were the one who told the old man." Naruto turned to Lucy. "Now, the Bimbo. What kind of mage can't defeat a mob character, such as bandits, on her own?"

"I am not a physical fighter." Lucy complained.

"Neither is Levy, and she is the most competent fighter in her team." Naruto countered.

"She has more experience…"

"Excuses, excuses. Did your physical growth go to your tits instead of your head?" Naruto asked. "Levy is strong because she uses her head more than anything else." He sighed. "I'll sign you up with a basic training regime. We don't need another Sadist who is into BDSM with a whip…well, Mira was never into whipping, but still. And you have Virgo of all the possible Spirits…"

"Don't be so harsh on her, Naruto-sensei…" Erza began.

"Don't get me started, Erza. I heard along the grapevine about your little stache of books of a certain genre hidden away beneath your mattress." Naruto's stare could freeze even a Demon. "For someone supposedly as pure as you, you are quite the pervert, aren't you, you socially awkward knight in plot armour?"

Loud boisterous laughter echoed through the guild hall.

"He's right, you know! Naruto is a Man!" Elfman laughed.

"Careful now, Elfman, before I hook you up with Evergreen." Naruto called back, making the giant mage freeze in fear at the thought, while hiding behind a corner, the Thunder Tribe turned to their female member, seeing the horror…and embarrassment (?) on her face.

"There's no need for that…" Elfman began, but was interrupted by Naruto.

"She has a thing for big, buff men, you know. Her room is…was filled with buff men magazines at the gym. You are definitely her type." Naruto chuckled as he sipped on a flask of Sake he took out from his pouch.

"How would you know that?" Evergreen shouted, extremely red in the face.

Naruto smirked, held up his hands in a sign, and transformed himself into a busty female maid with blond pigtails, blue eyes and familiar whisker marks on her cheeks. One whom Evergreen recognized…

"Hey'oh. You called for Room Service?" Naruto called out, making many mages blanch in sheer horror at the sight of their former house maid…

(1): This happens towards the end of Episode 4. No idea where in the manga it happens (or even if it happens…)