Judy: I hope all is well with you! Thank you for your review, I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Chapter 12
Hawke flicked his cards as he scrutinised the elf and dwarf opposite him. 'Call,' he says with a grin making Varric roll his eyes. The game continues for a little longer until the winning hand is put down by Varric who triumphantly lights a cigar in celebration. 'Oh, for Maker's sake,' Garrett sighed as he threw his cards onto the table and watches them scatter about the playing area. He grabbed his mug and takes a sip while looking at his friend, Fenris. It had been about three weeks since they had travelled up the mountains to encounter Hadriana; it hadn't gone well but he was finally acting like himself once more. He had even made a few jokes this evening which made Garrett snort, he appreciated Fenris' dry humour, deadpan delivery.
Hawke's observations were interrupted by the women wandering in. They had been at the estate, making Orana feel at home in her new room. Mena had taken a few of her favourite books and flowers, determined to make her new friend feel comfortable. Merrill smiled brightly and waves at Garrett walking over to give him a hug and Mena lingered in the middle of the room, holding onto her arm and looking at the floor. 'Is she okay?' Garrett whispered to Merrill as he catches Varric's eye and they both look at Fenris, subtly.
'You havenae told him yet, have you-?' Merrill pauses in her words as they watch Fenris gets up and with a tilted head, he walks over to Mena. She hadn't greeted him in any way, currently avoiding his eye and she had been out of character. The others could do nothing but watch in silent awkwardness as they all knew what was going on.
Fenris wore a weak half smile. 'Mena, good evening,' he said, softly.
Mena looks up at him and her face; not so subtly flushes bright red and there's a very quiet squeak from deep in her chest. 'Fenris,' she replied, unable to ignore him as that would be rude. Her heart began to beat faster and she felt her mouth go dry. 'Evening,' she added, holding her arm even tighter. She looks over at Merrill and then back to Fenris. 'I must leave now,' she said quickly before she practically ran out the room.
'Shit!' Varric jolted and hopped out his chair, running after her. 'Mouse, wait for me!' He calls as he leaves the room.
Fenris froze, not really sure as to what was going on. He turns to Merrill and Garrett who were sitting at the table, watching with pained expressions. 'Have I done something to upset her?' He asked, a little concerned. 'That is not the first time Mena has acted strange around me. Last time I saw her she literally climbed a tree when I greeted her,' he said as he ran a hand through his hair. Fenris takes his seat once more and looks at the door wondering what he could have possibly done. He becomes more aware of the silence and glanced over at Hawke, who was pulling a face. 'What is it?' Fenris said, suspiciously.
'Uh... well, there's something we have to tell you,' Garrett mumbles. 'I was going to tell you a while back, but then we took care of Hadriana and you weren't in the greatest head space,' he fumbles for words, looking at his fingers. Fenris' gaze was piercing and relentless.
'What Hawke is tryin' ta say is that... Mena isnae upset at you,' Merrill said after clearing her throat and holding onto Garrett's arm for support. 'An' we thought somethin' like this might 'appen which is why we were gonna tell you-'
Fenris interrupts her, 'whom is we?' He asks, point blank.
'Um, everyone but Anders and Sebastian,' Garrett replies quietly, noticing the way Fenris' expression harden. The Tevinter elf didn't look impressed and merely tapped his fingers against the top of the table as he waited for whatever it was that everyone knew to be told to him. 'See the thing is... Oh, Maker this is awkward,' Garrett muttered as he sighs and looks at Merrill. 'The thing is...'
'Oh, dread wolf, Hawke!' Merrill snapped a little, having him draw it out wasn't helping. 'Ya said you would be tactful, but this be ridiculous.'
'When you would like to tell me what is so important, I would appreciate it,' Fenris scolds coldly as he gains their attention. 'Mena is ignoring me, or is upset with me and while we are not close, I would like anything that I may have done to cause this to be rectified. It is simply going to make things more difficult if left to prolong.'
'...Shit,' Garrett says under his breath. Merrill's hand squeezes his arm tightly, her nails digging into his bicep enough to hurt. 'Ah! Alright, okay, the thing is... Mena likes you,' he says quickly. Fenris' blank expression said it all. He didn't understand what Garrett was trying to convey. 'She has... feelings towards you. Physical... emotional, feelings towards you... in an intimate sense.'
Fenris' eyes widen. 'That... explains a lot,' he said weakly as his eyes drift to the side. He cleared his throat and his gaze refocused, 'you both understand that I will not be reciprocating anything-'
Merrill stood up shaking her head, 'no, no, Fenris. We dinnae tell you because we think ya would take advantage. We just wanted ya to know so that perhaps ya could talk to her an' jus' acknowledge her feelin's and be ready fer Isabela and Varric to be annoyin' and such,' she says leaning on the table with both hands as she looks at him. He raises a brow, but his expression softens, the idea that they were looking out for him in their own way was a nice thought.
Fenris clears his throat and stands up, 'very well. I will go... talk to Mena and hopefully this can be brushed to one side. I would like if you did not speak of this to anyone else. She does not need to be teased about things she does not understand,' he says simply as he tucked in his chair.
'Of course, don't worry our lips are sealed,' Garrett smiles. When Fenris leaves the room, he shares a private thought with Merrill who slumped against the table in relief. 'Not close my ass. He's sweet on her,' he chuckles making Merrill giggle. 'I don't even think he realises it.'
-x-
Fenris found Mena and Varric in Isabela's room, who thankfully was out for the evening. He knocked on the door and let himself in. Mena was laughing at a story that Varric was telling her that didn't seem to be related to the current predicament which Fenris was grateful for. As he entered Mena went quiet and her body language tensed up. Fenris nods at her slightly and speaks to Varric, 'may we have a moment?'
'Sure thing, I'll set up a new round of cards,' Varric smiled as he pats Mena on the knee and gives Fenris a knowing look.
Once the dwarf had gone, Fenris pulled the chair over so that he can sit opposite Mena, who was on the bed. 'Mena, I have become aware that you have certain... feelings towards me,' he says not really wanting to talk about it but knew that nothing would change unless he did. 'You understand why I cannot and do not feel the same way?'
Mena nodded, 'I not kill you, I been taught that not what happens,' she mumbled. 'You not have to fear that.'
Fenris opens his mouth to reply but then realises that he has no idea why she would say that. After a brief pause, he speaks again, 'why would you kill me?' He asks unable to deny his curiosity. There was a tense atmosphere in the room and it made his skin prickle. He tilted his head as he watches her body language change; she was clearly upset and a little confused about what was going on.
Mena bit her lip and her cheeks turn a little pink. 'I learn about sex from caves. Spiders and Deepstalkers kill, sometimes eat males after-'
'I understand,' Fenris cuts in, needing no more explanation and covering his mouth with his hand, trying to hide his smile. Mena caught his expression and giggles lightly, rolling her eyes.
'I was silly to think it true. I cry a lot,' she admitted. 'Bela give me lots of rum. Aveen had proper talk with me,' she explained, making the atmosphere lighten a little. 'I did think I have kill you if we sexed,' she added, making it harder for him to hide his smile. 'I have feelings, yes. I not know why. I think you kind and sweet,' she says tapping her lips with her finger as she thinks about it.
Fenris cleared his throat and tries to compose himself. 'I am not trying to hurt you but I am afraid I simply do not feel anything towards you in that way. In my mind, since we found you... you are like a child. You have certainly matured over the months of being in the city but it is not right. There is much you have to learn about being a woman and a person, you said so yourself that you are struggling with the rules of society and the immersion,' he says softly hoping that she understood most of what he was saying to her. 'Even if I did have the same feelings towards you, I still would not reciprocate. I am personally going through some troubling issues and I would not be able to give to you any healthy reassurance or support.'
Mena nods and bit her lip again. 'I understand. Fenris troubled. Feelings are like when body need to bleed. I not able to control. Just happens,' she sighed. 'You not angry at Mena?' She asked, a little worried.
Fenris shook his head and rubs his knees, trying to displace some nervous energy. 'No, Mena. I am not angry at you for having emotions. I am annoyed that you have been ignoring me and running up trees to get away from me,' he teased lightly, making her smile. 'Please, in the future, simply talk to me.'
Mena laughed and throws a pillow at him. 'You think it easy talkin' 'bout feelin's? Merrill and Bela say you would be upset an' I have to be careful. You frustratin'! You mean elf!' She laughs as his surprise as he takes the pillow to the face. 'I not say feelin's go, I like them. They make feel nice.'
'I understand that,' he chuckled as he puts the pillow on his lap. 'You need not hide them, just do not expect me to return them.' Fenris knew that her feelings wouldn't disappear within minutes of confronting them. He did hope that it wouldn't change the relationship between them, though. 'I have missed having a braid in my hair,' he added, lying but knowing it would make her feel better.
Mena gasps in delight and takes out one of the flowers that she continuously wore in her hair. She moved closer to him as he turns in his seat so she can do her usual routine. He can feel her nails run over his scalp as she lightly separates three small strands of hair to weave. Mena looks at him from the side. 'You talk to Mena, I help. You feel sad or angry, talk. I here. You help Mena, Mena help you,' she says quietly as she moves her fingers. Fenris simply nodded a little, it was a strange concept but he knew that she meant it sincerely.
It was a change of topic but he felt it needed to be addressed, 'the word you are looking for is, ''me,'' not your name,' he said gently, so not to sound accusatory or rude.
Mena giggles and he sees her shake her head out his peripherals. 'No. Wrong. It Mena,' she said simply with conviction.
Fenris exhales in wonder at her audacity, 'and why is that?' He asks amused.
'Mena is me now. Not me in future. I am me. Not Mena. You call me, Mena. You know not my name. Mena do for now. Mena not me, my name me and one day, I find name,' she says quietly as she finishes the plait and threads the flowers stalk through the braid so that it stays in place. It took a little mental juggling on Fenris' end to keep up with her confusing sentence structure.
'Are you saying that one day you hope to find your real name and that will be the real you?' Fenris asks as he looks at her, turning his head.
Mena giggles and pats his head. 'Clever, Fennis,' she teased as she gets up. 'Now we find friends and drink. Any friend talks about my feelings, I kill that friend!' She says playfully.
'Before or after you sleep with them?' Fenris said without thinking.
Mena looks at him and then bursts into laughter as she gave him a shove. 'After,' she replied, making him genuinely laugh and roll his eyes. 'Come,' she said as she grabbed his hand and drags him out the room. Fenris smiles to himself a little, at least they were acting like normal. The air had been cleared and while it was awkward, they had managed to talk it through and she hadn't been unnecessarily upset.