Chapter 23
Uijeongbu Korea; April 25th, 1952
"A work of sorcerers that radio…" Colonel Potter commented, as a comedy show played quietly in the background of the O.R., "Here we are on the other side of the world, and we can still listen to Arthur Godfrey!"
"Placing us among the elite group of surgeons privaledged to operate by ukulele." Charles said dryly.
"Our radio station back home once held a contest to guess how many freckles he has." Hawkeye said.
"The decision of the dermatologist is final." B.J. added.
"Comin through! Comin through! Who ordered a casualty?" Klinger said, pushing a gurney into the room.
"Right here camel breath." Charles said.
"With all due respect sir. Better to breathe like a camel, then look like one!" Klinger retorted. Putting the patient down in front of them.
"Better watch yourself Charles." Ellie Marie warned, "keep it up with those wise cracks and I might get careless with where I place the clamps."
"Hey how are ya ladies and germs!" Klinger proclaimed.
"Oh stick it up your snout." Margaret grumbled.
"This is a tough audience for you Klinger…." Hawkeye teased.
"You're right. I gotta get out of these lounges and start playing the big rooms." Klinger agreed, "at least I know I got my number one fan in the wings. Right gorgeous?" He winked at Ellie Marie.
"Always, doll face." She said with a smile.
"Alright let's take a look in there Margaret. Give me the rib spreader." Hawkeye said.
Suddenly all the lights went out, plunging them into darkness.
"Come on! What is it with these lights?" B.J. said angrily.
"OWWW! MARGARET YOU CAUGHT MY FINGER IN THE SPREADER!" Hawkeye yelled.
"Jeez! I'm sorry I can't see!" Margaret said.
"get some lanterns in here!" Colonel Potter shouted, "I thought the damned generator was supposed to be fixed! Klinger, where are you??"
"Hiding from you sir."
"Triple time it out to that contraption and see what's going on! If it's kaput, crank up the auxiliary!"
"I'll fix it sir! It knows the sting of my boot!" Klinger said, and they heard the banging of the office doors.
"How's the digit Pierce?" The Colonel asked.
"Throbbing along nicely…."
"I said I was sorry Dr. Martyr!" Maragret snapped.
——-
"Carolina cow pies! What are they doing? Stringing Christmas lights out there?" The Colonel said about 20 minutes later as the lanterns were being set up in the O.R. "Damn I'll be glad when Radar's back."
"Come on Colonel, Max is doing his best…." Ellie Marie said, "you know how hard he's been working the past three days. It's not like Radar could fix a generator any faster."
"You're right Ellie." The Colonel amended, "that wasn't fair of me. I just feel a lot more confident in a crisis with my tried and true company clerk by my side."
"Understandable Colonel."
"Will you center that light?" B.J said to the corpsman at the end of his table, "I lost a clamp in there."
"What's the matter Hunnicutt? You don't like playing blind surgeons bluff?" Charles quipped.
"Retractor." Hawkeye said to Margaret but then winced and dropped it, "you're gonna have to hold that back for me." He said to her.
"Does it really hurt that badly?" She asked.
"No, I always keep my eyeballs in the same socket."
"I'm really sorry."
"It's not your fault," Hawkeye said, "we should've used a spreader with a lightbulb."
"Suction." The Colonel said.
"Suction's out Colonel." Baker reminded him.
"Oh yeah….well then pack it with sponges." He grumbled,
"Come on Klinger!" He called vaguely in the direction of the door, "I'm a romantic, but soft lights and surgery don't mix!"
———
Ellie Marie headed towards the main building with two cups of coffee. The compound was eerily dark. After Klinger had shown back up with the news that the generator was out and the backup was stolen Colonel Potter's wrath had been a thing to behold. It had taken them almost 3 times as long as usual to finish up the batch of wounded and everyone had essentially fallen straight into their beds. All but one. Ellie bumped open the doors to the main office with her hip and walked.
"No Sparky I'm telling you I called quartermaster and they said my best bet was I-corps." Klinger was saying into the phone, "well how the hell should I know which division? The one that issues generators! I've got a hospital with no power! You can see how that might be an issue when it comes time for us to do surgery! What? No Sparky! We can't ask them to only bring us wounded during the day! That's not how a war works! Yeah? Well thanks anyway…." He hung up the phone and shook his head.
"Long night at the office honey?" Ellie Marie teased, handing him one of the cups of coffee.
"You can say that again." He said, "I've been getting nothing but a run around for two hours, and we're no closer to getting a generator. I'm exhausted."
Ellie Marie set her coffee mug down on the desk and leaned down wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pressing her cheek to his where he sat.
"Then get some sleep." She said, "it's after midnight, and the problem is still going to be here in the morning."
"Stay with me?" He said.
"Max….in Radar's bed?" She said incredulously.
"I don't mean like that…" He clarified, "I'm too fried anyway. I just wanna hold you for a little while."
"It's not gonna win you any favors with the Colonel if he finds us in bed together." She pointed out.
"The Colonel conked out over an hour ago." Klinger pointed out, "I know you can't stay all night. Just stay for a little." She sighed.
"Alright. Just for a little." She agreed.
They went over to the bed against the wall and Ellie Marie kicked off her boots and slid under the covers, Klinger did the same and slid in next to her. He rolled on his side and pulled her in close so her head rested on his arm. He brushed the hair back from her face and simply laid there looking at her for several peaceful moments.
"You know, this is the first time we've ever been in bed together." She pointed out, entwining her legs with his, "I could definitely get used to it."
"Me too gorgeous." He said, leaning down to kiss her. When he pulled back she put a hand against his cheek.
"Max, you know you're doing a good job right? As company clerk."
He rolled his eyes.
"Hey!" She said, pulling his face down so he looked at her, "you are! Nobody expects you to be Radar."
"G…..everybody expects me to be Radar." He said,
"Well then they're idiots." She countered, "the Radar way isn't the only way to do this job, and I think you're figuring out the Max Klinger way just fine."
"Yeah….if the Max Klinger way is failing to get everyone electricity when they need it." He muttered.
"It's not like Radar being here would have changed that scenario Max." She pointed out, "unless he has some generator mechanic knowledge that I'm unaware of."
"Yeah but he'd have us a new one by now."
"Would he though?" She countered, "what call would he have made tonight that you didn't already try?"
"I dunno….but that's kinda the point. All the stuff I don't know."
"What about the stuff he doesn't know? Radar's about as all American as apple pie and twice as sweet. If there's a legal way to get a generator he'd be the guy to find it. But what if there happens to be some shady back alley ways to get our hands on one? That seems more like a Max Klinger specialty."
"You know you might be onto something there." Klinger said, "a black market generator. Can't believe I never thought of that."
"That's what I'm here for my love." She said, kissing his cheek.
"You ever gonna get tired of always believing me even when I don't believe in myself?" He asked.
"Never ever." She said, pulling him down to kiss him.
———
"Get it before it rots!" Colonel Potter called as they went down the mess line, "This is the last fresh food you'll get until we find a new generator. He wants some more meatloaf!" He threw 3 pieces on Charles' tray, "She'll have another slab of liver." He smacked it on Margaret's tray, "A good breakfast'll stick to your ribs!"
"I think I can live with no electricity and even with boiling my instruments, but I draw the line at liver hanging from my ribs…" Charles grumbled.
"How do you expect me to eat all this? I can barely lift it!" Margaret complained.
"Come on Margaret! I can always count on you to pack it away." Colonel Potter said.
"Excuse me??"
"Yet….somehow you still manage to keep that girlish figure!" The Colonel added quickly.
"That's better." Maragret muttered, shooting him a look.
"Just a roll please, and two pats of that lard you pass off as butter." Charles said.
"And a side of everything else. Lean heavy on the halibut patties." The Colonel said.
"No Colonel! I despise halibut patties!" Charles whined.
"You'll love these. That's an order."
"I'll never forget you for this…." Charles grumbled.
"Colonel, I'll take his share of the halibut." Ellie Marie said, "I've never minded eating fish."
"You are an angel." Charles said, shoveling it onto her tray.
"Don't be too grateful." She warned, "you're taking my portion of liver."
"Colonel the Koreans are here!" Zale called from the doorway.
"Fine! Have them belly up to the bar!"
"Ok people. Come on in now!" Zale said, "single file, no need to butt in!"
"Now don't be shy folks." The Colonel said, "I know you're guests but all of this has got to go so don't be afraid to ask for seconds, even tenths!"
"There's one advantage to having a bum finger. I can't pick up the fork." Hawkeye said, as Ellie Marie sat down beside him.
"You don't have to. This food comes when you call it." B.J said.
"The sad thing is….one man's poison is another man's meat." Ellie Marie pointed out, as scores of Koreans filled in around them eating like it was their first meal in months.
A few hours later Ellie Marie was in Post Op, watching the Colonel and B.J. rigging up the strangest contraption she'd ever seen.
"Well there she is. Dr Wangenstein's magic suction machine." The Colonel said.
"Why do I feel like we just hooked him up to the still?" B.J. said, chuckling as he fiddled with the rubber tubing.
"Colonel, how on earth does that thing work?" Ellie Marie asked.
"Simple really. The pickle jar here is empty. The mustard jug has fluid in it. When it's turned up like this and I release this clamp, the fluid flows through here and causes the suction in the nasogastric tube, and the aspirated material collects down here, in the chipped beef can."
"Remarkable." She said, shaking her head.
"And very handy if we wanna put him on intravenous hot dogs." B.J. added.
"Normally you'd use I.V. bottles but the jugs are bigger and they give it a homey touch." The Colonel said.
"Colonel, permission to let you down." Klinger said sullenly from the doorway.
"I don't wanna hear it." The Colonel snapped.
"Then I'll just cry on your buttons. There's not a generator to be had anyplace in all of Asia! Please just label me a failure and let me live out my life in peaceful shame."
"I haven't been this moved since Heidi…." B.J. muttered.
"Alright son…." Colonel Potter said, "take fifteen. Get yourself some food, and then meet me in my office so we can try to come up with a new game plan."
"Bless you sir." Klinger said, "you're a prince among men. I'm sorry to be so unworthy of your command." He turned and walked back through the door.
"You know he means it when he says he's looked under every nook and cranny Colonel," Ellie Marie said, "he was up until after midnight and he only went to bed then because I made him."
"Oh yeah Gracie?" B.J. said with a mischievous smirk.
"So not the time, Hunnicutt." She said pointedly.
"Anyway sir, he was up again at sunrise. He even checked with his black market contacts. I know you all think Radar walks on water when it comes to this stuff, but I really can't imagine there's anything he could do that Max hasn't already tried. He may not be regular Army but no one beats him in resourcefulness."
"I know Ellie." The Colonel said, "And I know I've been hard on the boy. It's not his fault, but the truth is we're in Death Valley without any spurs right now, and not finding a generator just isn't an option."
"I know that Colonel, and so does Max. Why do you think he's feeling so devastated right now? This is probably the most critical thing you've ever needed from him and he can't come through for you. Crazy schemes and antics aside, he really looks up to you."
"Does that man know how damn lucky he is to have you in his corner?" Colonel Potter asked.
"Of course he does." She said with a smirk. Suddenly they heard a loud commotion just outside.
"What in tarnation is going on this time?" Colonel Potter grumbled, and they all got up to go investigate.
They walked out the doors at the end of Post. Op. to see a crowd gathering in the middle of the compound and a very haggard looking Radar standing in the middle.
"Radar!!" Colonel Potter called excitedly as they rushed to greet him, "Welcome back son!"
"Thank you sir." He said quietly.
"I think I missed you more than I miss Mildred!"
"Missed you kid." Ellie Marie said, giving him a quick hug that he returned.
"Missed you too." He said, "How's Klinger doing?"
"Um….he's been better." She said, "we've got a lot to catch you up on."
"Whew! Get a whiff of him!" Hawkeye said, walking up on his other side, "We're standing around in a coal mine and he's been wrestling with every girl in Tokyo!"
"It was four guys that got me smelling like this!" He snapped back.
"Well…as long as you had a good time."
"What happened to you?" Radar asked, noticing the splint on Hawkeye's finger.
"Oh that? Just a reminder that I sprained my finger."
"You got back just in the nick of time!" Colonel Potter said. "While you were gone both our generators went AWOL."
"Absent without electricity." B.J. quipped.
"Oh jeez…..I shoulda stayed at the airport…." Radar grumbled.
"RADAR! RADAR! RADAR!" Klinger came barreling down the hill and practically picked him up as he crushed him in a hug. "You came back to me! Thank you! Thank you!" He kissed him twice on the head, "Let me carry you to your office! The phone awaits!" He hugged him again, "you even smell wonderful!!"
"I feel like maybe I should be jealous right now." Ellie Marie muttered to Hawkeye.
"I know….I don't think I've ever seen him that excited to see someone." He replied.
"Me either…" She agreed, "and I've seen him way more excited than you have."
"You don't know that." Hawkeye teased in a petulant voice, "he had a whole life in this camp before you showed up Missy."
"Now wait just a second!" Radar said, shoving Klinger off of him, " I just got back for criminy sakes! I wanna get something to eat and take a shower!"
"No time for the shower son, and the only food we got is C-rations, we'll deliver 'em to ya." Colonel Potter said.
"Colonel…. I'm tired and I'm hungry, and I smell like my cow Bessie before a show!" Radar groaned.
"Wow….if he wants a shower it must be an emergency." Hawkeye said under his breath.
"I don't know what the big deal is anyway!" Radar said loudly as the crowd began to grumble again, "A generator's only a three call finagle! I mean a couple of boxes of toilet paper here, a canned ham there and there'll be all sorts of trucks rolling in here with all sorts of generators!"
"Well if it's that easy no sense putting it off!" Colonel Potter said.
"Come on….." Klinger said, bouncing on the balls of his feet with excitement. Radar looked at him and rolled his eyes.
"Ok Klinger…." He sighed, and the whole crowd cheered as they headed for the main office.
Hawkeye and B.J started to follow but Ellie Marie grabbed each of them by the arm and held them back, shaking her head.
"What?" B.J. questioned, "Don't you wanna be there for the good news? We're getting a generator!"
"Trust me. I'm saving you from the blast radius." She said, "that office is about to go Hiroshima."
"What?" Hawkeye asked, but his question was quickly answered as Radar's screams echoed down clearly from the office.
"KLINGER LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO THIS PLACE!!! YOU SHAMBALIZED IT!!"
"You knew that was coming and you left him to face it alone?" Hawkeye questioned.
"Hey, I love him and I would take a bullet for him in an instant." Ellie Marie said, "but facing Radar with what he did to that office? He's on his own for that one."
———
"Aren't you supposed to be patrolling?" Ellie Marie asked.
"I am patrolling." Klinger said, as he kissed down the side of her neck, stopping at her collar bone, "this area seems secure. But I better do a second sweep to be sure." She laughed as he began the same path back up towards her ear.
"The compound, Corporal." She said sternly, putting a hand on his chest and pushing him back slightly.
She was sitting on the edge of one of the crates that were stacked behind Post Op with her legs firmly wrapped around his waist where he stood in front of her.
"Regulations state that while on duty, a soldier is required to do a perimeter sweep every seven to ten minutes." He said, "I can do a whole hell of a lot with seven to ten minutes." He began kissing her again, putting a hand on her back and pulling her in tighter.
"You sure are in a good mood." She commented, as she ran her hands through his hair.
"Baby…Radar's back. The generator isn't my damn problem anymore." He said, "I'm free!" He slipped an arm under her and picked her up, making her give a small squeal, and wrap her legs tighter around him.
"And I got big plans for my freedom." He said with a smirk, "lemme tell you about them."
She giggled as she tilted his head up to kiss him. Suddenly they heard footsteps close at hand around the edge of the building and he put her down quickly as the Colonel, B.J. and Hawkeye walked around the corner. Ellie Marie nervously smoothed her blouse and hair, and Klinger had stepped quickly away from her standing at attention."
"Colonel sir!" He said quickly, "We were just…"
"At ease…" the Colonel cut across him, "we're just glad we found you."
Ellie Marie looked at all three of their faces, registering too late that neither Hawkeye or B.J. seemed remotely interested in giving them a hard time about the compromising position they'd been found in.
"What's wrong?" She asked, looking from one grave face to the next with a sense of foreboding.
"Plenty….." Colonel Potter responded with a sigh, and her stomach dropped with dread.
"Radar's uncle Ed passed away." B.J. said quietly.
———
It was almost dawn by the time Radar exited Colonel Potter's office. Ellie Marie had sat up with the Colonel, B.J. and Hawkeye waiting for him. Klinger had wanted to come as well but seeing as he had guard duty he had to wait, but he'd checked in for updates on each pass he'd made.
"What'd your Mom say Radar?" Hawkeye asked gently.
"Mostly that she's ok. Uncle Ed's funeral is tomorrow. Everybody in Ottumwa's gonna be there…..except me."
Ellie Marie got up and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders from behind and resting her head against his. He leaned back into her hug slightly.
"Our neighbor Mr. Whirsett said he would look after the farm 'till everything's settled. Then Mom can take over for herself." He pulled out of Ellie Marie's embraced and moved towards his desk shuffling papers around, "She says it's about time she gets off her fat you-know-what anyway."
"It's not gonna be easy for her though is it?" Colonel Potter said, "As I remember the lady has some high blood pressure."
"Yeah…and a little arthritis too, when it rains." Radar agreed, not looking at them. "But she says she's fine."
"Quite a woman your mother." said Hawkeye.
"Yeah I know."
"Takes after her son…." B.J. added kindly.
"What about you Radar? Are you alright?" Ellie Marie asked.
"Yeah, I'm ok…." He finally looked back at them and to her it seemed like he'd aged ten years in the past ten hours. "I mean…I don't wanna be, but I kinda have to be. I'm the man of the family now." He said.
"That's right son…." Colonel Potter said heavily, putting a hand on Radar's shoulder, "and you're going home. Go get yourself a DA-7 hardship discharge and type your name on it."
His words hung in the silence as they all processed the magnitude of what he'd just said. Radar looked up at him slowly, as if coming out of a daze.
"I'm going home sir?" He asked weakly.
"Radar, Lord knows your mother is a strong woman, but she won't make it alone. You oughta be there with her." The Colonel said.
"You heard him right Radar. Your time has come." Hawkeye said.
"I'll notify the Red Cross, and they'll have I-Corps process you tout de suite." The Colonel continued, "you should be home in time for Sunday supper."
"Save us some leftovers." B.J added with a warm smile.
Ellie Marie grabbed Radar and pulled him into a crushing hug, he hugged her back but then pulled away to look at her, still seemingly in shock.
"I'm going home?" He repeated, as if he needed her assurance it was true. She put her hands on each side of his face.
"You're going home Radar." She confirmed.
"Where you belong." The Colonel said.
"Just like that?" Radar asked.
"Just like that." He confirmed.
———-
"Any word on whether Radar has been able to procure us a generator?" Charles asked.
"Last I heard he'd had no luck. His usual contacts were dry." Margaret responded.
Ellie Marie moved slowly down the chow line as they conversed at the table directly behind her.
"I of course have the utmost sympathy for what he's going through." Charles continued, "I can't even imagine how he must be feeling currently."
"I know." Margaret said softly, "it's unthinkable."
"But you have to admit the timing is nothing short of cataclysmic." Charles said, lowering his voice slightly, "we are in potentially the most dire straits this camp has ever seen, and I don't see how we are going to survive with Radar's assistance!"
"You're right." Margaret agreed, "I know it sounds horribly selfish but part of me wishes he could stay, just long enough to get us on our feet. It's terrible, but I can't help feeling like he's abandoning us."
"And leaving us with the witless wonder in his place." Charles murmured, and they both chuckled.
"Yes, that's just what we need. A company clerk who can hardly spell generator, much less find us one." Margaret agreed.
Ellie Marie had heard enough. She spun from her place in line and slammed her half full tray down on the table between them making them both jump in alarm.
"I'm aware that you both outrank me, and that what I'm about to say could be accused of being insubordination, but in this case I think I'm more than justified in telling you to shut the hell up!" She snapped angrily.
They both stared at her, eyes wide with shock, so she took the opportunity to continue.
"You sit here, the both of you with your comfortable professions that you've chosen for yourself and you have confidence in your ability to do, making fun of someone who was doing their best in a situation no one prepared them for! Let's see you thrown into a brand new job you didn't ask for, that isn't necessarily one of your strengths, with minimal training, and then have it immediately turned into a high stakes crisis and see how you do! Considering the way I've seen you both melt down when you're pushed even moderately outside your comfort zone, I'd say you probably wouldn't fair half as well as Max has." She shoved the food tray away from herself, "one of you can dump that for me, I've lost my appetite."
She turned and walked away from them before they had a chance to form any kind of response. She saw Klinger walking through the mess tent doors and she strode purposefully to him and took his face in his hands, kissing him in a way she usually reserved for when their wasn't an entire tent full of people watching.
"You're amazing you know that?" She said.
"Thanks G…." He said, with a confused smile, "don't know what I did to earn that, but I'll take it."
"You hungry?" She asked.
"Not really….I just came in here to find you."
"Good….let's get out of here then." She said, taking him by the hand and walking back through the doors.
"So what the heck was all that about?" He said, as they took a seat at one of the picnic tables just outside with the sun setting behind them.
"Nothing…." She answered, "just the Majors living up to their reputations as the most arrogant officers in Korea."
"Oh gosh…what'd they do now?" He asked.
"I don't want to talk about them." She said, "how's Radar?"
"He's holding up." Klinger replied, "I gotta tell you, I can't believe how strong he's being. I'm proud of the kid."
"And how are you?" She said, reaching across the table and taking his hands.
"Me? I'm fine." Klinger said with a shrug, "I'm not the one who's whole world just got flipped upside down."
"Max….this is me you're talking to." Ellie Marie said gently, "I know you're feeling like you gotta be strong for him, and hell for everybody else around here. But you don't have to with me, I can be strong for you too sometimes."
He looked at her and sighed, his shoulders slumping.
"I can't do it G. I'm trying so hard, but he's gotta repeat everything twenty times and by the time he moves on to the next thing he's trying to teach me about, I forgot the first one! I can tell he's already fed up with me. I'm not cut out for this. It's gonna be a disaster."
"No it's not…." She said calmly, squeezing his hands, "you can do this Max, it's just going to take some time. Radar didn't walk into that room knowing how to do all that stuff either, he learned as he went."
"Yeah but he's Radar!" Klinger countered, "everybody counts on him for everything! When they ask him for stuff, the idea that he won't come through doesn't even cross their mind. Nobody has that kind of faith in me, and for good reason."
"I have that kind of faith in you." Ellie Marie pointed out, "look, with the exception of the generator, which by the way Radar is having just as much trouble with as you, you fulfilled every task that was asked of you while Radar was gone. You were a good clerk, were you a little more scatterbrained and disorganized than Radar, yes. But you still got the job done. You're not Radar O'Reily, so stop kicking yourself for not being able to fill his shoes! People are just going to have to accept that Radar O'Reily, company clerk is leaving, and let Max Klinger, company clerk do his thing. I know you won't let them down, and pretty soon they're gonna know it too."
"God, I love you." He said, shaking his head.
"I love you too." She replied, "Remember Freddie, I got your back, you got mine. I like you and I love you, and we're gonna get through this." He stood up and leaned over the table to kiss her.
"I don't know what I'd do without you baby." He said.
"Probably spiral into a full blown meltdown by tomorrow morning." She said, and he laughed.
"Ain't that the truth." He agreed, "I gotta get back."
"I'll see you when I see you Corporal. Go get to company clerking." She teased.
He walked back up towards the main building and back inside. She sat there for a few minutes watching the sky slowly turning from orange to pink. Both Majors walked out and saw her, they looked at each other awkwardly and then at her.
"Ellie…." Charles began but she cut him off.
"Look I'm sorry if this comes off as harsh, or actually I'm not entirely sure that I am, but here it is. I'm not interested in hearing any kind of apology from either of you that's made because I called you out and you feel guilty. Just to have you go right back to treating Max like a punching bag the next time he does something that mildly inconveniences you. If you really want to show me, and Max by the way because let's be honest it's him you owe an apology, not me, that you're sorry. Do better."
"Alright…." Margaret said quietly.
Attention all personnel! Incoming wounded. Hope your night vision has improved!
"Oh no….what are we going to do?" Margaret said, her voice rising in panic.
"What's the matter Major? Stressed about your level of performance in a non-ideal situation?" Ellie Marie grumbled, as she stood up.
"Alright, you've made your point Captain." Margery said sternly.
"Guys we need your help!!" Radar said, running down from the main building. "We gotta get triage set up at the helipad!"
"Why on earth do we need to do that?" Charles asked.
"Because center compound just became the O.R.!" He replied.
Two hours later Ellie Marie found herself, almost unbelievably, assisting in an operation in the open air in the middle of the compound surrounded by twenty jeeps with their headlights pointed directly at them and corpsmen holding mirrors on ladders to direct the light.
"Anybody else kind of feel like we're operating in an Ancient Egyptian pyramid right now?" Ellie Marie asked, as the beams from the mirrors crisscrossed the space.
"Don't know what you mean…." B.J. said, he held his hand out to her for an instrument, "embalming shroud."
"Alright Jack, hold it right there." Radar directed, and the corpsman turned the mirror slightly more towards the Colonel, "Is that better sir?" Radar asked.
"Perfecto Radar." Colonel Potter answered, "If they gave the Congressional Medal of Honor for smarts by gum you'd have one. Stroke of genius! I can actually see where I'm cutting!"
"Well lookee here." B.J. said, pulling a large chunk of shrapnel out of their patient, "there's your medal. You just might have saved this boy's life. The rest looks good, let's start sewing." He added to Ellie Marie.
"Radar if you're not a certifiable, fur lined, 24 carat hero, I'll kiss your tootsies at the commandant's picnic!" Hawkeye said.
"Keep it up folks! Thanks to Corporal O'Reily, we're gonna make it through this night!" The Colonel proclaimed, and they all cheered.
"I hope so." Hawkeye said, "cuz the Auto Club can't keep coming over here to jump start our operating room."
"What a curious turn in my medical career…" Charles muttered, "from the operating theater at Boston General….to the drive in theater in Uijeongbu."
"Ow!" Hawkeye gasped as he tried to grip the clamp, "Who goes to bed and dreams this horror every night?" He grumbled, "Somebody ought to tell him to lay off the anchovy pizza before sack time. This is some place….our little hospital on the bank of the River Styx. Easy to find, just follow Calamity Lane to the giant parking lot. Wounds heal while you wait….am I ranting? You know my ranting gets raves."
"I brought you some more sponges, for sponging sir." Radar said, walking up beside him.
"And now from the 'I wish I were in his shoes department' Corporal Radar 'I can see the old homestead from here' O'Reily." Hawkeye continued, "Tell me how it feels. Are you excited? Have you packed your things twice already? Gonna get a window seat on the plane? All of me is green with envy. Especially my finger which is gangrene." He stepped back so Margaret could close and sighed. "God,my finger hurts."
———
The next morning Ellie Marie was walking from her tent toward Post Op when the office doors slammed open and Max came hurrying out with a case of what she knew to be the Colonel's best Scotch that he added to a second one that was sitting in the jeep parked next to the door.
"What's going on, doll face?" She asked. He looked up and beamed at her in excitement.
"I did it baby!" He said, "a guy from I-Corps just called and he's got a generator waiting for us in Seoul! It was one of Radar's contacts but I did the wheeling and dealing and I got it! I just gotta go pick it up!"
"Max!! I knew you could do it!" She gasped. She grabbed him and kissed him hard, "You are amazing!"! She said.
"I gotta go! The guy was on a tight schedule and I got the feeling this generator isn't exactly ending up where it's supposed to, if you know what I mean."
"Go! go!" She said enthusiastically, pushing him towards the jeep. He grabbed her and kissed her one more time.
"I like ya and I love ya G." He said.
"Back atcha. Now go!!" She said with a smile.
He hopped into the jeep and sped off down the road. As he did she became aware of shouting that was happening inside the office. She walked towards the doors, and caught the tail end of an argument.
"Why bless my soul…Mrs. O'Reily's little boy is a big man now!" She heard Hawkeye say with biting sarcasm, "I guess you've outgrown all that other stuff huh? Ottumwa….the farm…your mother? Oh right your Mother….let's talk about her. Have you outgrown your responsibility to her too?"
"Listen! How I take care of my mom is my business! You said yourself Hawkeye! Nobody should tell somebody else how to live their life!"
The doors opened again and Hawkeye stomped out of them.
"What the hell?" Ellie Marie said to him.
"That little ignoramus says he's staying!" Hawkeye snapped, "He says we need him more than his mother does. That we won't make it without him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna break both his legs and then put him in traction and stick him on that plane myself!"
"Because that's helpful…." Ellie Marie said dryly. "He's conflicted about leaving so you shame him and threaten him."
"Well,what would you have done?" Hawkeye snapped.
"I dunno…. Not insulted him and accused him of abandoning his family, for a start." She shot back, "do you have any idea how he must be feeling right now? He just lost the only father he ever really had and now he has to choose between abandoning his mother or abandoning the people who have become his second family and incidentally the man who's become like a second father to him. There are no good choices for him here, Hawk. He's not being stupid, he's being the wonderful kid we know who loves us so much he can't bear to let us down."
"See this is why you need to handle this stuff," He said, still sounding aggravated, but also sounding guilty, "When I get mad I don't think good, and when I don't think good I don't talk good."
"Clearly." She said flatly.
"You think you can assist me in removing the foot I have firmly lodged in my mouth?" He asked.
"I'm gonna try…." She answered with a sigh, walking around him into the office.
"I don't wanna talk about it Ellie." Radar snapped as soon as she walked in, "I just got into it with Hawkeye and I'm not in the mood for round two."
"Well then it's a good thing I'm not here to fight." Ellie Marie said, walking over and leaning on his desk like she usually did, he sat there quietly and didn't meet her gaze.
"Can you just tell me what you're thinking please?"
"I'm thinking if I hadn't been here last night there'd be a lot of dead soldiers right now!" He said, "and I'm thinking, how can I go home and live with myself knowing a lot of other people won't get to that would have if I was here!? I feel like a monster for even thinking this, but I kinda feel like even if something did happen to my Mom….geez she's just one person. Yeah she's the person I love most in the world, but what kinda man am I if I choose to go to where I can save the person that means everything to me over staying where I know I can help save thousands of guys who all mean everything to somebody!"
"Radar…" Ellie Marie swallowed hard and blinked the tears from her eyes, "that is the bravest, strongest, most selfless thing I think I've ever heard anyone say. Don't you ever let anyone tell you that you need to grow up again, do you hear me? You are one of the most amazing men I've ever met." She took a deep breath, and put her hand on his shoulder, "Now. On to your concerns, yes your quick thinking saved lives last night, but Radar you cannot put the weight of all that on your shoulders. I promise you, we can figure it out, we love you, we've been so lucky to have you, and we'll miss you more than I even have words to say, but we will figure it out without you. Max can do this, I'm gonna help him. Do you know where he is right now?"
"No…." Radar said, "he disappeared while I was in talking with the Colonel."
"He's on his way to Seoul to get our generator. One of your contacts called in and he brokered the deal."
"What?!" Radar said jumping out of his chair, "Are you serious right now?!"
"Would I lie about something like that?" She laughed, "he left ten minutes ago with two cases of the Colonel's Scotch." Radar sat down heavily and put his head in his hands.
"Geez Louise…..I can't believe he actually did it…"
"You know Radar, that stunt you pulled last night was a stroke of genius, but you gotta remember, there's somebody else around here who's spent basically the entirety of his army career pulling crazy, inventive, and often ingenious stunts." Radar smirked.
"Well when you put it like that…." He said.
"He can do it Radar, and you know if he gets too squirrelly I'll be right here to set him straight. You gave him all the tools he needs to succeed."
"You're right." Radar said, and tears were forming in the corner of his eyes, "Thanks Ellie."
"Oh Radar…." She reached down to hug him, but he put a hand up.
"Don't." He looked up at her apologetically, "I appreciate it, honest. But if I start to cry now, I ain't gonna stop, and I'm just not ready yet."
"You're one hell of a man Walter O'Reily…." Elise Marie said, "I'm glad I've had the honor of being your friend."
Two hours later Klinger's jeep came barreling back into the compound to tumultuous cheers, as everyone saw the generator in the back.
"Hot diggity dog Klinger! You did it!" Colonel Potter shouted, running down from his office. "You got us a real live generator!! How's you pull it off?"
"Who cares how he got it??" Margaret shouted excitedly.
"I never look a gift generator in the mouth." Hawkeye agreed.
Ellie Marie jumped into his arms kissing him fiercely, and there was more than one cheer.
"I'm so damn proud of you." She whispered, "you have no idea."
"Ellie, you better take good care of that man tonight. He is officially the camp hero!" B.J. said.
"Yes, all the heroes spoils for our young Maxwell! Spare no expense!" Hawkeye agreed.
"Oh I plan on it, Captains." Ellie Marie said with a smile.
"Hey Klinger!" He looked up to where Radar was standing in the door of the office, "Nice going." He said.
"Thanks kid." Klinger replied with a smile.
"Well we'd better get this thing hooked up before someone tries to steal it." The Colonel said.
"Good idea Colonel…there's crooks everywhere." Klinger replied, shooting Ellie Marie a sly wink. She grinned.
"Radar looks like we'll have electricity for your send off party tonight!" Kelly said happily.
———
"What is that supposed to be?" Ellie Marie asked, looking at the punch bowl full of purple liquid.
"I call it the Grape Ne-highball." B.J. said, "working title of course. You want one?"
"Maybe in a bit." She said with a laugh. "So where is our guest of honor?"
"Hasn't arrived yet. I sent Hawk up to the main building to figure out why. He'd better get a move on though. He's only got three hours until his transport pulls out and I'm not sure that's enough time for an appropriate send off."
"I didn't get the feeling anyone was intending to be particularly appropriate about it." She teased.
The mess tent was packed to the gills with the entire camp and a huge banner reading, 'We love you Radar!" Had been strung from the ceiling.
"Attention out there!" Hawkeyes voice rang over the P.A., "Would Corporal O'Reily please report to his going away party? All of your friends would love to see you while they can still see!"
"Well that oughta flush him out." Ellie Marie said with a laugh. Suddenly they both looked up as the sound of chopper blades reached them.
"No……" B.J said dejectedly, "Please not now."
Ten minutes later they were racing around the compound doing triage. Ellie Marie looked up to see Radar hugging a very tearful Colonel Potter and looked away quickly. This couldn't be how she said goodbye, she had so many things she wanted to tell him. She hadn't even figured out how to say it at the party! How was she supposed to do it here? Like this? Margaret ran by Radar and grabbed his arm.
"Goodbye Radar." She said, following the gurney into O.R., "You know you're pretty Ok!"
"I'll make this short kid. I'm not much for goodbyes." Klinger said running up to him, " be good, and take care of yourself ok?"
Radar looked at him for a minute before handing over his clipboard. Max took it, and his eyes filled with tears.
"Welp, that did it." He said, and he pulled him into a quick one armed hug, "I'll make you proud of me." He said.
"Klinger!" One of the corpsman yelled.
"Coming!" He responded before running off.
"Best of luck in your bucolic endeavors Corporal." Charles said, holding out his hand.
"Oh…and the same to you sir." Radar replied, shaking his hand, Charles chuckled.
"Thank you Walter." He said, before turning to head for the O.R.
"Radar it's all set!" B.J. ran up to him, "Peg and Erin will meet you at the San Francisco airport. You got Erin's present?"
"Oh, yes sir!"
"Alright, you be sure to tell them about me?"
"Yes sir, I will."
"That's for Peg." He kissed Radar's right cheek. "And that's for Erin." He kissed his left.
"I'll try to remember which is which." Radar said, and B.J. laughed.
"You take care of yourself pal. So long." B.J. patted his shoulder, before running to check on another patient.
Radar looked up and met her eye. She felt the tears there as she moved and wrapped her arms tightly around him, he squeezed her back just as tight.
"You be safe, and let us know when you're home." She whispered.
"I will Ellie I promise."
"And remember," she said, cupping his face in her hands, "this isn't goodbye. It's see you soon. You got that?"
"You betcha." He said, "I got a milking cow in our barn with Klinger's name on it."
Ellie Marie laughed and then leaned in to kiss his forehead.
"I love you Walter O'Reily."
"Ellie we need you!" Margaret called from the doorway.
"Get in there." Radar said with a smile, "I'll talk to you soon."
Ellie Marie nodded one more time at him and then turned her back and ran into the building.