Chapter 54
Uijeongbu Korea; July 2nd, 1953
"Two beers and two scotches, Igor." B.J. said leaning against the bar in the Officers Club.
"Hey wait a minute….I hate it when you order for me!" Hawkeye protested, "Maybe I'd like to try something different for a change! You don't know! Ellie, what're you drinking?"
"Lemonade…." She said as she took a sip through her straw.
"I'll have a beer and scotch." He said to Igor.
"Coming right up." He said, shaking his head.
Time capsule to be buried in cornerstone of New Los Angeles skyscraper. The radio announcer said, and Charles chuckled.
"Laughable…." He muttered, taking a sip of his brandy.
"What makes that laughable?" Margaret asked, "I'll bet a hundred years from now people will find that really interesting."
"Margaret, why on earth would anyone find Los Angeles of interest in the future? No one finds it of interest now….." Charles retorted.
"What the hell are they gonna bury anyway?" Hawkeye added, "Suntan lotion? A carhop?"
"You know, we could make one of those here…" Margaret continued, ignoring them both.
"Hard to find a carhop in Korea." B.J. quipped.
"No really!" Margaret insisted, "We could put something in the ground that would remind people that we were here!"
"I thought that's what land mines were for…." Hawkeye said.
"Oh why can't you ever be serious!?" She snapped, smacking him in the shoulder, "We could leave something that says who we were and why we're here, like a duty roster or a medal."
"Why don't we just leave a copy of Dante's inferno?" Charles suggested.
"Oh who needs any of you!" Margaret shot back, standing up angrily, "I can do it by myself!"
"Hey now! Hang on." Ellie Marie said, "I actually think it's a really neat idea. I'll help you with it."
"You know what? What the heck, I'll help too." Hawkeye said.
"You?" Margaret said, raising an eyebrow at him.
"Yeah why not?"
"I dunno…. Cuz you're traditionally our delegate to the United insubordinations?" Margaret answered.
"Well everybody else is making holes in this country, we might as well fill one of them with something constructive." Hawkeye said.
"How about dirt?" B.J. suggested, as he downed the rest of his beer.
"Oh, poo on both you turkeys!" Margaret snapped at him and Hawkeye.
"Hey don't put words in my beak!" Hawkeye said defensively, "I'm serious! I wanna help!"
"Thought he could hold his liquor better than that…." Charles muttered to B.J.
"Ok Pierce….what's the catch?" Margaret asked suspiciously.
"Why does there have to be a catch??" Hawkeye shot back, "I've been here as long as you, I've worked just as hard. I want to be a part of it!"
"Couldn't hurt to give him a shot Margaret." Ellie Marie said.
"Alright fine…." Margaret sighed, but she shot him a glare, "but I'm warning you. If this is another one of your jokes, I've got a curling iron with your name on it!"
After levying her threat, she turned on her heel and walked out the door.
"So now that she's gone," Ellie Marie said to Hawkeye, "are you actually serious about this?'
"Yeah." He said, "You know how Margaret is….she sees the world through khaki colored glasses. I figured if we really wanted to make this time capsule represent what we did here, somebody should get in a few licks for us malcontents."
"Of course…." Ellie Marie said, rolling her eyes, "which leaves me directly in the middle trying to placate both sides."
"Exactly as it should be!" Hawkeye agreed with a smile.
Attention all personnel! We interrupt your sweet dreams to bring you the following nightmare!
"That's it…..tomorrow we get an unlisted number." B.J. grumbled, as they all got out of their seats.
———
"Need a unit here! Maybe two!" Ellie Marie called, as she and Colonel Potter assessed a patient with a bad leg wound.
"Got it!" Baker said, running towards pre op.
"You the C.O. sir?" A sergeant said, walking up to where they were working.
"I ain't here to model bathrobes." Colonel Potter responded, "What is it Sergeant?"
"Came in to check on the kid who got shot by the sniper this afternoon." The Sergeant explained.
"What kid?"
"Stoddard, from Able Company. We sent him on the chopper."
"No chopper came in here this afternoon." Colonel Potter replied.
"Uh oh…." said the Sergeant, "we shipped him at about 1500 hours."
"I see…" Colonel Potter sighed, and stood up slowly, "Klinger!"
Klinger, who's been rushing past with two bags of blood pulled up quick and spun around.
"Sir?"
"Battalion Aide sent us a chopper this afternoon, and it ain't here yet. Get on the horn and track it down."
"Yes sir!" Klinger responded, before hurrying off again.
———
"A time capsule huh?" The Colonel commented a little while later, as Ellie Marie handed him a clamp.
"That's right." She confirmed.
"I was hoping everyone could contribute one item they feel symbolizes their experience in Korea." Margaret explained.
"How about one of my gray hairs?" Colonel Potter suggested, and Ellie Marie laughed.
"That's not bad…." She said with a wink.
"I was thinking of something a little more substantial." Margaret replied, "How about your army field manual? It would show people the rules and regulations that have made this the finest army in the world."
"Yeah that's good…" Hawkeye said, "How to defend freedom and democracy through unquestioned obedience…."
"There's nothing wrong with that, Pierce!" Margaret snapped, "I'm putting in a nurses manual."
"I don't know Margaret…" The Colonel said, "I never thought of myself as a by the book man. Unless you want one of my Zane Grey novels."
"With all due respect, Colonel. Zane Grey isn't very military. It's nothing but shooting and killing."
"Sounds pretty military to me…." Hawkeye muttered.
"One more wisecrack from you and you're off this project." Margaret warned him.
"What's wrong with Zane Grey?" Colonel Potter asked, "After 24 hours on my feet, there's nothing better than soaking my tootsies and losing myself in 'Last of the Plainsman'"
"I got a better idea. How about commemorating your tootsies with a bunion pad?" Hawkeye suggested.
"That's it. You're done." Margaret snapped.
"What??" He said defensively, "That wasn't a wisecrack! I was being serious!"
"A bunion pad…..really??" Margaret said, glaring at him.
"Pierce, that's a Class A symbol!" The Colonel said with a chuckle, " and I got Zeno pads out the wazoo!"
"You can't be serious….." Margaret complained, "even Zane Grey is better than that!"
"Tell you what Margaret, take both and bring back whichever you decide not to use." Colonel Potter replied, "but I'm telling you Zeno pads is the way to go."
"Sir…I just got word from G2," Klinger said, walking into the O.R.
"Update on the chopper?"
"Still missing." Klinger replied, "Battalion Aide confirms the Pilot and Corporal Stoddard took off this afternoon. They haven't landed or made radio contact since."
"Damn…." Colonel Potter grumbled, "Well, keep your ear to the ground son. Let me know if there's any sightings."
"Will do sir." Klinger responded.
————
"Come on Charles, it's not that hard…..it could be anything!" Margaret said in frustration the next morning, as they all sat around a table in the mess tent.
"How about a bottle of Cognac?" He suggested.
"Oh come off it….a bottle of booze?" She said, rolling her eyes.
"Yeah I like it!" Hawkeye said, "Remind people we drink to forget."
"Pierce….." Margaret growled.
"Now now Margaret, the lad may be on to something." Colonel Potter said bracingly.
"I happen to have a bottle of Cognac that isn't very good, and I won't miss at all." Charles said.
"Is it really so hard to find something that stands for the work we did here?" Margaret said angrily. "We save lives!"
"So take the Cognac and throw in a Saint Bernard…." Hawkeye quipped.
"That's it!" Margaret snapped, "All you've done for this project is make stupid dumb jokes!"
"The first job I've ever had where I could use my natural talents." Hawkeye replied.
"Well, you're fired Mr. Mirth." She said flatly, "and you!" She glared at Charles, "I'll be back, and you better come up with something."
She got up and stomped out the mess tent door, without giving them a backward glance.
"Well Pierce….your skills as a saboteur seem to be a bit rusty." Charles commented, "Not only have you not scuttled this Korean garage sale, you seemed to have strengthened her resolve."
"I'll talk to her." Ellie Marie said with a sigh, "but you need to be a little less flippant." She pointed at Hawkeye, "your heart is in the right place, but your incessant need to push her buttons is mucking this whole thing up!"
"Alright, I promise to keep my snark to a minimum." He agreed.
"Your minimum is everyone else's base level of tolerance." She pointed out, "keep it non existent until I get her calmed down."
Ellie Marie walked across the compound to Margaret's tent and knocked on the door.
"Who is it?" Margaret said sharply.
"It's Ellie Marie.e in."
She entered and saw Margaret taking things out of a tin ammunition box on her desk.
"Major….what are you doing?" She asked.
"I'm giving up!" She snapped, "everyone is obviously determined to make this capsule a joke! So why should I even try!?"
"Margaret." Ellie Marie said with a sigh, "I really don't think anybody is trying to make it a joke. They're just trying to make it their own!"
"With bunion pads and booze?" Margaret snapped, "how is that at all representative of all the hard work, the blood sweat and tears we put in over here??"
"Major, do you remember what you said in the O.R. yesterday?" Ellie Marie countered, "you said you wanted everyone to put in something that symbolizes their experience in Korea. You wanted future generations to know that we had been here, all of us. Not just that the Army had. The pride you take as an Army nurse is beautiful, and I completely understand your desire to leave a piece of that behind, but that's your experience here. Not everyone else's. If you want this capsule to be a testament to what the United States Army did in Korea, then maybe it is something you should do by yourself. If you want it to be about the people here and what we went through together, you're gonna have to be a little more open to letting us translate this experience through our own lens."
Maragret sighed heavily, and was about to respond when the sound of chopper blades filled the air. They both looked up sharply and then ran out her door and up the steps to the chopper pad to meet the descending bird. B.J. caught up to them as they got to the top. They ran over to the left side where the patient was fastened in, and B.J. began to examine him.
"Type and cross him and get him into X-Ray!" B.J. said to Margaret.
"Got it." She said, as the corpsman came to take him down.
"Heard the whirly bird. How many we got?" Colonel Potter said, jogging up beside them.
"Just the one Colonel." B.J. replied, "I've got him."
"Hey nurse. Is Stoddard gonna make it?" The chopper pilot asked, as B.J. and Margaret headed down the hill with the gurney.
"He'll be fine." She assured him, "Dr. Hunnicutt is one of the best."
"Did you say Stoddard?" Colonel Potter asked, "The sniper victim?"
"That's him." The pilot confirmed.
"You guys left Battalion Aide yesterday! Where the hell have you been?"
"Sorry sir." The pilot replied, "I had some engine trouble."
"So why didn't you use your radio?"
"We got shot at sir. A bullet hit one of the tubes. Another one 86'd my fan belt. Think you can help me get it fixed?"
"Sure. But first, let Captain Klinger here take you to see our company clerk. Have him call I Corps and tell 'em to take you out of the Lost column and put you in Found."
"Yes sir." The man said, giving him a small salute.
"What's your name, soldier?" Ellie Maire asked, as they headed down the hill.
"Lieutenant Warner ma'am." He answered.
"Well Lieutenant Warner, you sure had a lot of people worried over the past twenty four hours."
"Believe me Ma'am, when the bullets started flying I got pretty worried myself!" He replied, "but there was no way I wasn't getting that kid here safely."
"Good man." She said appreciatively as she pushed open the door of the office, "Hey Sergeant. Look who just dropped in. Lieutenant Warner, pilot of our AWOL chopper, with Stoddard, who they just took into surgery."
"Thank god!" Klinger said, hopping up from his desk, "We've had an all points bulletin out on you since yesterday! What happened?"
"Engine trouble." She said.
"Yeah I need a new fan belt, think you could direct me to the motor pool?" Warner added.
"I'll take you there now." Klinger said, walking towards the door, but he stopped quickly and turned back to Ellie, "Oh before I forget. I decided what to give you guys for the time capsule," He said, "My black sequined evening gown. It's my best one. Seemed appropriate."
"Can't say as I disagree….but I'm sure Maragret will." Ellie Marie said, shaking her head.
"Better than what Hawkeye wanted to put in there…." Klinger said, "He asked for the hoop skirt from my Scarlett O'Hara ensemble."
"Yeah well, he and I have had a talk about his antagonistic behavior." Ellie Marie replied, "I think I might be able to talk her into your option."
"Uh Sarg….fan belt?" Warner reminded him.
"Oh right!" Klinger said, "out this door, take a left at the end of the building and follow the smell of grease."
"Thanks." Warner said, "and hey could you call my unit and tell 'em I'm here and alive, and so is the guy who got shot by the sniper?"
"You got it." Klinger said, and Lieutenant Warner nodded to them both and walked back out the door.
"You know I was thinking…" Klinger said, "Maybe we should each give the Major something for her capsule, but also give her something together. I mean we each had our own experiences in this camp, but it's also the place where we fell in love and started our life together. I kinda feel like if anything is gonna be remembered, I'd sure want that to be part of it." Ellie Maire smiled, and leaned in to kiss him.
"Me too." She agreed, "we'll pick something out together when we get home tonight."
————
"Well it looks like your stomach is coming along just fine, Stoddard." She said a few hours later, as she looked over his chart in Post Op, "Dr. Hunnicutt did a bang up job, and lucky for you, that bullet didn't perforate your bowel. You'll be on solid food in no time at all."
"Thanks Ma'am." Stoddard said with a sleepy smile.
"Excuse me Captain. Where's the file on Private Panzera?" Hawkeye asked, walking up next to her.
"It's on the desk doctor." She replied, "and by the way, what happened to no more antagonizing the Major? Max's hoop skirt, really??"
"I asked for that before you reigned me in…." He explained, "but I stand by my opinion that it is the perfect representation of your husband's presence in the Korean Conflict."
"You live to make my life more difficult don't you?"
"Not just yours….everyone's I come in contact with." Hawkeye corrected with a grin, "don't act like you're so special."
"Excuse me, do either of you know if Lieutenant Warner is still around?" Stoddard asked.
"Warner?" Hawkeye questioned.
"The chopper pilot that brought him in." Ellie Marie explained quickly, "He left a while ago Corporal, I'm sorry."
"Damn…I was hoping to get a chance to see him." Stoddard said, "He saved my life."
"Yeah well that's all in a days work for those guys." Hawkeye replied.
"It was a lot more than a days work." Stoddard countered.
"Yeah he said he had engine trouble." Ellie Marie agreed. Stoddard raised his eyebrows at her.
"Is that what he told you?"
"Yeah….why?"
"We got shot at." Stoddard explained, "Next thing I know we're landing. Lieutenant said they got the fan belt and the engine was overheating. So we could only fly 200 yards at a crack. So he walked that far ahead and found a clearing, Then came back to get me, by that time the engine was cool so we flew up and landed at the new place. Then the engine was hot again. We did that all afternoon."
"Oh my god…." Hawkeye murmured.
"After it got dark we couldn't fly anymore." Stoddard continued, "So he….he kept me warm with a blanket until morning. And as soon as it was light he started it all over again. That's how we got here. 200 yards at a time."
"He sure left out the best part when he told me the story!" Ellie Marie said, shaking her head.
"Seems like you had quite a long trip…." Hawkeye added, "Or I guess a hell of a lot of short ones actually. Better get some rest."
"Alright sir…" Stoddard agreed, slowly closing his eyes.
"How about that…" He said to Ellie Marie as they walked back towards the desk, "He's one lucky kid."
Later that evening they all gathered around the hole that Margaret had dug in the middle of the camp, just to the right of the sign post.
"And this spark plug! A donation from Sergeant Rizzo, symbolizes quality craftsmanship and good old Yankee know-how!" Margaret proclaimed, as she dropped it into the box.
"Major it was made in Japan…." Rizzo pointed out, and they all chuckled appreciatively as she glared at him.
"Well they're on our side." She retorted, "Next!" She continued, "From Lieutenant Nakahara, a donation of her favorite pair of…"
"Uh oh…..cover your eyes…." Hawkeye teased.
"Army boots, gutter brain." Margaret finished, "and they stand for…."
"Standing." Kelly supplied.
"Right." Margaret said, "and finally from our illustrious commanding officer, a copy of The Last Plainsman, by Zane Grey."
"Personally, I still think she should have gone with the Zeno pads." Colonel Potter grumbled.
"Well that's everything." Margaret said, reaching for the lid, "And I know that each and every one of you hopes that when somebody opens this up a hundred years from now he or she will know that this land was occupied by good, decent—"
"Alright hold it." Hawkeye interrupted, "I actually do have something for your capsule."
"Like what? Dirty socks and dirty magazines?" She snapped at him.
"No…." He said, "a broken fan belt." He held it up, "from the chopper that came in today. Nobody really noticed the pilot while he was here, but it'd be nice if he was remembered in one hundred years."
"That's very appropriate…." Margaret said softly, "Thank you." She looked around at all the gathered faces, and gave a slightly exasperated sigh, "Alright, what have you all got?" She said.
"This is my other contribution." Hawkeye said, and he held out a worn and tattered Teddy Bear. Just the sight of it brought tears to Ellie Marie's eyes that she quickly wiped away.
"Radar left me this." Hawkeye explained, "Let it stand for all the soldiers who came over here boys and went home as men."
"That's lovely." Margaret said, taking it from him.
"I've fished with this a couple times." B.J. said, holding out a lure to her, "Hawk told me it belonged to Colonel Blake. It's for all the men who never made it home." Margaret took it from him and nodded, tears now threatening to fall from her eyes. Ellie Marie stepped forward and held out her offering.
"My original name plate." She explained, "and the figurines from the top of our wedding cake. To show people that even in the middle of all this pain and death, some beautiful things still managed to find their way through."
"Here here…" Hawkeye said quietly, clearing his throat.
"And I would like to donate…" Charles began, raising his bottle of cognac.
"Not the booze!" Margaret snapped, glaring at him.
"Margaret, when this capsule is opened this Cognac will be over 100 years old!" Charles pleaded, and she rolled her eyes.
"Fine….." She said, reaching out to take it.
"I'd like to donate these…." Father Mulcahy said, handing her two small Bibles, "In the future, if countries feel the need to go to war, maybe they can use them to settle it."
"Amen to that Padre…." Colonel Potter said, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Okay, I'm putting it all in." Margaret said.
"Wait! One more thing!" Hawkeye said, "We gotta add Klinger's hoop skirt!"
"No! That is where I draw the line!" Margaret said flatly.e on Major…." Klinger said.
"Margaret, Klinger is a huge part of the legacy of this camp and you know it." Hawkeye pointed out, "he's been with us since day one. He deserves to be remembered in all his crazy glory."
"We can make it stand for something!" Klinger suggested, "How about….all those faithful girls waiting at home?"
Everyone murmured in agreement, and Margaret gave another eye roll before smiling reluctantly.
"Ok fine….but not that awful monstrosity. Give me the black one." She said.
"Madame has impeccable taste!" Klinger said with a wink, as he handed it to her, she added it and closed the lid.
"Hey Margaret." Hawkeye said, walking to stand next to her, "since we're burying everything else, why don't we add the hatchet?" She gave him a slight smile.
"Yeah ok….." She agreed, and they lowered the box into the hole.
"By the way I notice you didn't include anything in the capsule from the infamous Frank Burns." Hawkeye said.
"Yeah, I was thinking about putting in his scalpel but I didn't want to include any deadly weapons." She quipped, and they both laughed.
"It's nice…." Ellie Marie commented, as they started covering it with dirt, "to think someday someone might actually find it, and know that we were here. That all of this craziness happened."
"Yeah…." B.J. agreed, "let's just hope when they do, that the world looks a whole lot better than it does right now."
———
"Hey folks!" Colonel Potter said as they were sitting in the Officers Club a few hours later, "got a bit of news that I think will brighten everybody's day."
"Oh yeah what's that Colonel?" Hawkeye asked, as he downed his third shot.
"Intelligence says that the fighting has moved west from Busan, which means I was able to schedule us a good old fashioned beach day outing!"
"Really??" Ellie Marie said excitedly, "with beach balls, and sun tan lotion, and collecting sea shells?"
"And hot dogs on the grill and football in the sand." Colonel Potter said happily. "Tomorrow morning at 0800 everybody be ready to pile on the bus and head out for a day filled with sand, sun, and as much fun as you can handle."
They all gave an excited cheer and began to talk feverishly about all things they were looking forward to doing.
Author's Note
From this point on the last few chapters will deal with the events of the hour and a half M*A*S*H Series finale. I'm sure most fans of the show know this, but the reference to the beach day is to warn readers of coming events, as the trip back is when the traumatic event takes place. The last few chapters of this story will contain several very intense, and somewhat dark plot points. If you've read this far, thanks so much for sticking with me. It means the world!