Chapter 10

Kaylee hurried to keep up with Josiah and Chris. The men didn't say anything to one another, but Kaylee had seen the look they exchanged when she told them Vin needed them at Ezra's.

Josiah slowed a little, glancing down at the leftover bruising on her knee.

Chris pushed open the door to Ezra's Airstream without knocking. Vin greeted both of them with a nod. He stood from where he sat on the couch when he saw Kaylee.

Ezra was in his room, door open, tossing things into an open bag.

"Ezra?" she asked, not sure why none of the men went to him, or at least tried to talk to him.

There was a split second when Ezra faltered at the sound of her voice, then went back to pulling things from his closet.

"I have a long-standing tradition of spending time in the casinos whenever we travel near Reno," Ezra said with his back to her. "I have no doubt one of the casinos will accommodate me with a suite after I spend some time at their private tables. If I'm not back by Sunday, I'm sure Mr. Tanner will make sure you make it to the next town."

Kaylee looked at the men. None of them moved toward Ezra. She ventured into his room, glancing back at Chris, Josiah, and Vin.

She didn't know what to say, how to undo what his mother had said to him.

"You know you're not an embarrassment, not a disappointment. Not to me. Not to anyone," she said. She tried to reach for his hand, thinking of how easily he linked his fingers with hers while they drove down from the mountains earlier in the day.

Ezra moved away from her and zipped his bag closed. He finally looked at her. His eyes were shuttered, no hint of what he was trying to hide. If it hadn't been for the slight shift in his green eyes towards brown, the amber flecks in his eyes almost burning, Kaylee would have thought he was unaffected by Maude's words. And she would have thought she was nothing more than a stranger to him.

"A nice sentiment," he said, just a hint of bitterness creeping past his reserve to tint his smile. And then he looked past her, to his friends.

"You sure about this?" Chris asked.

Kaylee wanted to slug the man in black. How could he so casually ask Ezra if he was sure he should be shutting everyone out? It didn't matter if Ezra was sure, it was still a terrible decision.

"Don't do this," she said. She started after Ezra, intending to grab him and make him listen to her. She would tell him how wrong Maude was about him. She would make sure he understood that he was the kindest, most caring man she had ever known, even if he tried to hide that. She would let him know he was the best thing she had ever had happen to her.

Vin didn't give her a chance, though. He laid a hand on her arm, just a gentle restraint. Kaylee jerked her arm away from him. She couldn't believe he was letting Ezra walk away.

The anger that had been simmering in her chest at Maude started to rise.

She couldn't believe Ezra was walking away, pretending he didn't need anyone. That he didn't need her.

She couldn't have stopped the words if she tried. "You care, Ezra, and we all know it. Walking away like you aren't hurting isn't going to make you hurt less. Just stay here! Stay and—and talk to me! Talk to Josiah, just don't do this!"

Sometime during her rant, the door had opened and Buck had come in and sized up the situation, took in Ezra's hand, his impassive face, Kaylee's flushed one. He quickly edged past Josiah and came to Kaylee's side.

He looped his arm around her shoulders. "I think it's time for you to get some air," he said breezily, like his friend wasn't cut in pieces by his mother's visit and like Kaylee wasn't trying to shout some sense into every man in the camper.

Kaylee started to shrug off his arm, but he tightened the amiable hold. He leaned down closer to her ear. "Don't make this any harder on Ez than it already is." There was a slight warning in his tone.

That finally stilled her. She gritted her teeth together. She hated that there was nothing she could do. That there was nothing Ezra would let her do.

"You call if you…win big or anything," Buck said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

Ezra nodded.

Buck started to steer her out of the trailer. As she passed Ezra, he looked at her and met her eyes. She held her breath, waiting for him to say something.

Ezra looked away.

Outside Kaylee finally jerked away from Buck.

"What the hell are you doing? Just letting Ezra go like you don't even care?"

The change that came over Buck's face was swift. Any hint of good humor was stripped away, replaced with grief. "You think we like this?" he demanded. "Of course Ezra shouldn't be goin' off like this. But we've been through enough visits from Hurricane Maude to know we gotta just wait him out until he works it out on his own."

Kaylee's heart broke further for Ezra. "It's like this every time? He hurts himself like that every time?"

Buck looked at her. "Not that. I think this was the first time he felt like he had anything to fight Maude for."

#

The air inside the camper snapped with tension when Buck steered Kaylee outside, like there was gunpowder instead of oxygen and Buck had taken the match outside. No one wanted to strike a new one.

A light rap on the door sounded and Nathan and JD came in. They didn't say anything. There was never anything to say after Maude had come and wreaked her special brand of destruction.

Ezra sighed. At least it had been only emotional this time. She hadn't managed to swindle or cheat anyone. It had taken him months to deposit everything she had bilked from young and naïve JD back into his account without the kid realizing it came from him and not the pay-off of Maude's promised investment.

He fisted his hand, felt the pull of tender skin where it had split open. No, not only emotional this time. At least, not only for him. The way she had looked at Kaylee, the things she had said. And Kaylee hadn't deserved any of it. Just like she wouldn't deserve it when Ezra inevitably disappointed her. He was a Standish, after all. And there was no way he would risk destroying her the way Maude could destroy him.

"You don't have to take off," Vin said. He said it like he was just making conversation and Ezra appreciated that the other man didn't push him. "You got more reasons to stay this time."

"I've got more reasons to leave this time," he countered, then looked away. He shouldn't have said that. He didn't need them knowing how much of a weakness Kaylee had become. And he needed to get out of there before any of them saw him for who—what—he really was, someone who would inevitably hurt her.

Josiah finally spoke, his voice a low rumble. "She doesn't seem to think so."

Ezra needed to get out of there before he weakened. He gave Josiah a small smile, trying for glib, but fearing it fell far short. "I trust you gentlemen will make sure she doesn't try to stay alone in some unsavory situation? She doesn't seem to realize how many vagrants and immoral men there are in the world." Starting with himself. He never should have thought he could be anything to her.

Vin spoke. "I don't think you give her enough credit. She reads people 'bout as good as you do."

Ezra held back a humorless laugh. "I highly doubt that." There was no way she would be with him if she did.

Josiah's calm presence didn't waver, but he lifted his brow at Ezra. "I'm surprised you don't see it, son."

"See what?" he asked against his better judgement.

The men all exchanged glances which would have infuriated Ezra if he wasn't so worn down by the entire exchange with Maude, and then Kaylee.

JD shook his head. "She's just like you, Ezra," he said like Ezra was a simpleton.

That did bring out a sharp laugh from Ezra. "She's nothing like me." Kaylee was kind, caring. Innocent and guileless. Although they both had mothers who were master manipulators. He remembered Kaylee's outburst two weeks earlier. He had seen the aftermath of what her own mother had done to her, and then hadn't managed to protect her from Maude.

Vin was studying Ezra like he knew something Ezra didn't. "She's just like you, Ez. Won't show a lick of weakness. I think that's what makes you two understand each other so good."

"You both have damn good poker faces," Nathan continued.

Ezra leveled a look at Nathan.

He shrugged, but didn't change his statement. "She may let you see every thought first, but then she hides it all with a grin."

"And neither one of you will show weakness," Josiah said.

"Never met two stubborn cusses more matched to each other," Chris muttered.

Well, his friends were clearly delusional. Or seeing what they wanted to see. That didn't make it true, and he needed to get out of there before they convinced him.

Ezra picked up his bag, grabbed his keys from the counter. He could feel the men's disapproval, but it was better than disappointment. He paused, then turned to Nathan.

"You know she's going to try to ride tonight," he said, a statement, not a question. "I'm sure you have some sort of brace or the tape you're always using on Mr. Larabee to make it less painful for her."

Nathan gave him a nod. "We'll look out for her, Ezra."

#

Kaylee sat inside the medical trailer, Buck and Vin crowding the space in spite of the fact they clearly didn't have any reason to be there. But the two men, or one of the other four, had been by her side all day. She should have been annoyed by the constant hovering, but she found their presence reassuring in her loneliness for Ezra.

Nathan finished strapping the Velcro straps in place around the brace that fit over the knee of her jeans.

Kaylee flexed her knee. Even sitting, the extra support felt good.

"Thanks," she said, trying to muster up a smile for Nathan.

He nodded, then reached for a roll of black tape. "We'll see if we can't get your shoulder some extra help." He looked to the two observers and raised his eyebrows. They stared back blankly.

"You'll have to slip your shoulder out of your shirt," he said, his tone professional.

A light blush colored Vin's cheeks. "I'll be outside," he told her. "We can warm up the horses when you're done."

Buck gave her a broad grin beneath his neatly trimmed mustache. "Never thought it would be Nathan who got your shirt off before me."

Kaylee smiled in spite of herself. Buck's easy humor a welcome return to normalcy in the void Ezra had left.

"Out," Nathan ordered.

Buck gave Kaylee a wink before following Vin outside.

Nathan went to get a pair of scissors while Kaylee unbuttoned her lightweight plaid shirt and slipped her left arm out of the sleeve.

Nathan's focus was on the tape and maneuvering her arm to get the placement right.

"I'm sorry about Ezra," he said quietly.

The lump that had been in her throat since he drove off that afternoon grew into a painful rock that made it hard to swallow.

"He'll be back in a few days, maybe a week or two," Nathan said. "It just takes him some time to get his head on straight sometimes."

Kaylee blinked against the burn in her eyes.

"There you go," Nathan said, placing the last piece of tape. "Vin said you're riding with him again tonight."

Kaylee gave her arm an experimental move. "Yeah," she said.

"Good luck." Nathan started putting his supplies away, his back turned to give Kaylee privacy to put her shirt back in place. "You two make a good team."

"Thanks," Kaylee murmured. She lowered herself from the small treatment table and stood for a minute, debating if she should risk asking. Finally she forged ahead. "When Ezra comes back…is he just back to himself?"

Nathan paused. She could see him weighing his words. Finally he sighed and leaned back against the counter. "He settles back in no problem if you buy his act," he said.

Kaylee frowned. That hadn't answered what she really wanted to know. What she needed to know.

"There's no telling how things will be between you when he finally comes back," Nathan said. "He's never had..." he paused. "There's never been someone like you in his life to come back to."

Kaylee bit her lip. Nathan didn't make it sound like having her to come back to was a good thing. She nodded and thanked him quietly for the brace and tape before heading outside.

She and Vin were silent as they went to get his horses. She could hear the noise from inside the arena, the national anthem being sung, the cheers for the first event.

She managed to maintain her focus when it was Vin's turn to compete. Even managed a good ride with him, keeping the steer steady on a path that gave Vin the chance to win some money. And when it was her turn, she almost felt a flicker of excitement to be back in the arena, able to compete. She could feel Alcott's energy and eagerness to get out there and run. But then she looked over toward where the bull riders gathered for the next event and Ezra wasn't there.

She lost her focus for a minute and had to gather the reins and bring Alcott back under control. She saw Vin alongside the long alley that led into the arena, where she would get her running start, and he lifted one side of his mouth in understanding.

Kaylee gathered her focus again and managed a clean ride. It was enough to win her the prize money, a considerable amount since Reno was one of the bigger rodeos of the season.

She collected the check from Mary Travis after the rodeo.

"Nice ride," Mary said, her smile sincere, though her blue eyes were concerned.

"Thanks," Kaylee managed. She pocketed the check, ready to walk away, but the blonde woman laid a gentle hand on her arm.

"I heard about…well, Chris told me Ezra's having a rough time. If there's anything he needs, you can let me know."

Startled by the offer, Kaylee nodded mutely. But then remembered that Ezra was friends with Mary and Orrin Travis. Not to mention he supplied a good portion of the stock for their rodeo. Of course they would be invested in what happened to Ezra. She couldn't figure out how the taciturn bull rider talked to Ms. Travis about it, though.

She waited for Vin to get his check, and walked back toward Ezra's trailer with him.

"You need anything?" Vin asked at the door to the trailer.

Kaylee shook her head. She didn't need anything Vin could help with.

"I'll be in my truck right by you," he said. "Lock the door behind you."

Kaylee didn't bother to tell him how long she had been on her own, or let him know how many nights she had spent alone as a child. She thanked him and went into the camper. Ezra's camper.

She had avoided going in there all day, just darting in to change into her jeans and long sleeve button up, grab her cowboy hat, before the rodeo started.

She didn't know if it hurt worse to miss Ezra, or to know how much he had to be hurting. And that he was alone.

The camper was too quiet, the only sound Barney's snoring from his place on the couch.

Kaylee tossed her hat onto the couch and went to her bag, intending to get changed for bed, but instead, she saw her wallet with the money she had won in Buck and JD's camper, remembered the check in her pocket.

She grabbed a lightweight jacket, shoved her wallet and cell phone in the pockets.

If Ezra thought he was going off to gamble or drink away his problems, that was fine. But he wasn't going to do it alone.

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