Chapter 13

Ezra glanced down at the opposite end of the arena. He shouldn't have come here. He should have stayed at the casino and found a poker game.

"Why Ezra, I didn't expect to see you here."

Ezra turned at the familiar voice. Mary Travis was all warmth as she made her way through the crowd of bullriders, bronc busters, barrel racers, and ropers. Her slim jeans and tailored blazer were at odds with the plaid shirts and faded jeans around her. Her simple pearl earrings and neat ponytail was at complete odds with Chris in his black chaps and hat.

Ezra managed a smile for Mary. "I have at least two bulls that may make it to the finals in Vegas if they score big tonight."

Mary's smile was genuine. "And you have three bulls that are already committed to Vegas. Orrin and I are certainly happy with how they've performed this season."

Ezra nodded, his gaze straying to the chutes at the opposite end of the big arena. He recognized Vin getting set on one side of the chute. He watched until he saw a smaller figure in a pink plaid shirt ride in to the other side of the chute.

"Don't know why you can't at least give your bulls better names," Chris grumbled, making Mary laugh. "Can't pronounce at least half of them."

Ezra forced himself to look away from Kaylee. "I believe it brings a little culture to the vast pit of machismo bullriders tend to live in."

Chris narrowed his eyes at Ezra. "Yeah, well, nothing wrong with just naming your bull Texas Tornado."

Ezra waited a beat, then looked to Mary. "And who did Mr. Larabee draw for his ride tonight?"
"Achaeans Revenge," she said.

Chris' eyes darkened and a dangerous smile split his lips. "That bull's the meanest creature I've ever seen."

The announcer's voice called attention back to the arena for the first rider in steer wrestling. Ezra was aware his breath stilled, locked in his chest, but he couldn't seem to get it out.

The chute jerked open and the steer raced out. Ezra couldn't take his eyes off Kaylee. For all of five seconds she was focused on her task. As soon as Vin had hold of the steer, her concentration broke and Ezra could see her scanning the crowd near the end of the arena. Her eyes landed on him and he could see the concern that took over her face.

He forced himself to turn away from her, back to Chris and Mary. His boots threatened to walk right over to Kaylee and he shuffled them in the dirt. His hands ached with the need to touch her, to reassure her he was fine. But then where would they be the next time Maude came? It was for her own good. He jammed his hands in his pockets.

"If you need anything, Ezra…" Mary was saying, her own look of concern.

Ezra dredged up a smile. "I appreciate the offer." And he did. He didn't know how he had ended up with some sort of pseudo family between Chris and the others, and Mary and Orrin, but he was careful not to abuse the privilege. And there was no way he would get close enough to Kaylee to distinguish her from the others. No sense in his mess splashing over onto any of them.

Chris was studying him with flinty green eyes, and for a moment Ezra was convinced the other man saw everything he was thinking. But that was impossible. Ezra had spent a lifetime perfecting the art of keeping others at bay, making sure they only saw what he wanted them to see.

"I should go look over my stock," he said. He nodded at Chris, tipped his hat to Mary, and started to head away from the indoor arena. He couldn't stop himself from one look over his shoulder. Kaylee was staring after him. Vin stood on the ground next to her horse, saying something to her, trying to get her attention. She finally looked away from Ezra and down at Vin. Losing even that small connection with her physically hurt. Ezra picked up his pace and told himself that pain was nothing less than what he deserved for getting too close to her.

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Kaylee looked down at Vin.

"What?" she asked, confused by what he was saying. Ezra had taken over her attention, and now he was just walking away again.

Vin looked up at her, his blue eyes clouded with concern. "You sure you're ok?"

Kaylee gave her head a shake to clear her thoughts. "Yeah, fine."

Vin didn't look like he believed her, but wasn't about to challenge her in the middle of the arena. He took his horse from her and swung up into the saddle as the announcer called out his time. Kaylee didn't hear the number, her thoughts were still drifting after Ezra and she turned in her saddle to look for him, but he was gone. It must have been a good go-round, judging by the reaction of the crowd. Vin lifted a hand in a wave of acknowledgement.

Chris and Mary stood where Ezra had been. Mary gave Kaylee a smile and a wave. Chris gave her a nod. Even from this distance, Kaylee could see the lines on his face as he watched her.

Ezra's friends meant well. But they were all watching her like they expected her to dissolve into a puddle of tears.

To be fair, she had dissolved into a puddle of tears with Buck yesterday.

She followed Vin out of the arena. Buck approached them with a man Kaylee didn't recognize.

Buck pointed her out to the man. "That's Kaylee, right there." He gave Kaylee a broad grin, then jerked his thumb toward the man next to him. "This here's Brian Durant. You know, like Durant Feed and Supply?"

Kaylee nodded, not sure why the man who owned the string of ranch supply stores was with Buck, but she swung down off her horse and shook the man's outstretched hand, keeping hold of Vin's extra horse, Smoky, with her free hand.

"Real pleasure to meet you, Miss," the man said with a genuine smile.

Kaylee glanced at Vin. His eyebrows flicked upward and he shrugged.

"I saw you riding barrels the last couple nights," Mr. Durant said. "You've got a lot of talent."

Kaylee fidgeted uncomfortably. "Thanks," she said.

Vin must have picked up on her discomfort, he shifted closer to her.

"What really caught our attention, though, is your hazing." Mr. Durant nodded toward Vin. "You're paired up with a top notch bulldogger, which helps."

Vin inclined his head minimally in acknowledgement of the praise.

"Helps what?" Kaylee asked. She was thankful for Vin and Buck's presence as she tried to figure out what was going on.

"Durant Feed and Supply wants to make you our spokesperson," Mr. Durant said.

Kaylee's stomach dropped to her boots. It must have shown on her face because Mr. Durant faltered slightly, clearly expecting some sign of excitement or appreciation, rather than the dread and panic Kaylee was feeling.

"Maybe that was the wrong term," Mr. Durant said. "More like the face of our store. Just some billboards, posters, local commercials. Things like that."

Kaylee was shaking her head. She couldn't even imagine what would happen if her face started showing up all over the western half of the country. Nothing good for her, that was for sure.

"You'll be paid, of course," he laughed.

Kaylee shook her head faster. She took a step back. Vin was next to her and moved so he was between her and the man who owned the chain of stores. Buck moved just as quickly, and his smile was no longer friendly toward the man.

"At least hear the terms of the contract," Mr. Durant said. "We'd sponsor you when you go to Nationals, pay you for each photo shoot."

She wasn't thinking of the photo shoot. She was thinking of her mother finding out where she was and she couldn't go back. She couldn't go back to that life.

"I think she's given you her answer," Buck said, any warmth for the man gone from his voice.

The man looked baffled, he made a move like he was going to try again, but Vin and Buck both tensed, a formidable barricade between her and the man who wasn't threatening in the least.

"Alright," Mr. Durant finally said. He produced a business card from his pocket and started to hand it to Kaylee, then caught a look at Buck's face and handed it to him instead. "Just call if you change your mind."

Kaylee bit her lip until he was out of sight somewhere between the horse trailers and campers.

She turned back towards Smoky, stroking his gray face and finding comfort in the familiar feel of a horse. She started to lead him back toward Vin's horse trailer, but Vin stopped her.

"Did you know that man?"

Kaylee shook her head.

Buck's brow was furrowed. "Look, Kaylee, I'm real sorry for bringin' him over to you. I thought the extra money would be good, and it sounded like an easy job."

She mentally cringed. How was she supposed to explain to them that she was too weak to face what she had left behind back home, so instead, she just did whatever she could to avoid it. Including staying off the radar.

"I just…don't want the attention," she said lamely.

Vin and Buck both still looked concerned, so she tried for a bright smile. "You didn't do anything wrong, Buck." She just wanted to get away from any questions, and especially from the memories. "You and JD will be up next," she said, trying to get his attention over toward the arena. "I'll be cheering extra loud."

Buck didn't look convinced by her smiled, but he exchanged a look with Vin then nodded. "Alright, Darlin'," he drawled, his own face easing into its usual grin. "I'm going to hold you to that."

Thankfully Vin didn't push anything as they walked the horses back. Kaylee managed to get Smoky brushed and back in the portable corral and head back over to watch the other events without having to answer any questions.

JD and Buck ended up winning some money, along with Vin, and Casey. Kaylee couldn't get her head back in the game enough for her ride. She was off and Alcott could feel it. She knocked a barrel over, she took the next one too wide, and then didn't gather herself in time for the last one, leaving Alcott to swing in close and lose precious seconds straightening herself out before she made the last sprint out of the arena.

Kaylee avoided the arena while the checks were being handed out. She went to Ezra's camper instead. Once she was in the privacy of the camper, she let out a muttered curse. She kicked at her bags on the floor by the couch. Then kicked them again for good measure. She turned, intending to go back to the door that hadn't latched behind her and give it good slam shut, just for good measure.

Ezra was standing there.

Kaylee froze. He wasn't supposed to see her like this. She searched for a smile, a lighthearted comment to brush off her display of frustration, but couldn't find either. Why wasn't he at the hotel? She hadn't seen him anywhere near the camper for the entire weekend. The last two nights had been awkward there without him. She had felt like an intruder. A lonely intruder.

Ezra came into the camper, pulling the door shut quietly behind him.

"It was a bad ride," she finally managed. "I blew it."

Ezra's eyes were darker green with concern. "I've never seen a bad ride rile your temper before."

"Well, it did," Kaylee said. She wanted to turn the tables, get the focus off her and ask Ezra if he was ok. But Ezra was too adept at dodging questions himself. And too observant.

"And I've never seen you ride like that," he said, no censure in his tone. "Something threw you off."

Kaylee winced before she caught herself and then shook her head like it was no big deal. "Just an off night," she said.

Ezra stood silently. Kaylee could feel his warmth, even from a few feet away. The way he looked at her like he knew more than she was saying unnerved her.

"Just some things that reminded me of my mom came up today," she blurted out. She didn't want to share those memories with anyone.

"I'm sorry," Ezra said. And he sounded like he really was sorry for what Kaylee was dealing with.

"I don't want to talk about it," she said shortly. Ezra, of all people, should know what it was like to be haunted by the sins of your mother. She silently begged him to understand that she couldn't.

There was an understanding mixed with the grief in Ezra's eyes.

He nodded once. "I was just coming by to see how you were. I was…" She waited for him to admit he was worried, but he cut himself off. "Do you need anything?" he asked formally, as if he was her landlord, checking to verify her rental was up to her standards.

"I need you, Ezra," Kaylee whispered.

He didn't move. "That's not advisable."

Kaylee's breath came out in a broken laugh. "And you pushing me away is?" she asked.

"I'm doing what's best," he said, but his voice was ragged and Kaylee could tell it wasn't what he wanted to be doing.

"Pushing me away isn't what's best," she said. The tears that had soaked Buck's shirt two days earlier welled up again. She blinked as one slipped down her cheek, followed by another.

Ezra's stoic resolve cracked and he took the two steps to close the space between them. He brushed at her tears, before gently smoothing loose strands of hair back from her face, his eyes running over her face.

"I need you," she whispered again. "And you need me."

Ezra shook his head. "It doesn't matter what I need. It's not a good—"

Kaylee cut him off with a kiss. She stood on her tiptoes to reach him, pouring every emotion she had into the desperate kiss. Her feelings for Ezra, her passion, her sorrow, her bitterness.

Ezra was just as desperate. His hands were in her hair, at her back, seeking comfort from her as much as he was trying to give it.

And then, just as suddenly as he had responded, he jerked away. His face was stricken.

"I—" He was breathing heavily, his poker face stripped from him and Kaylee could read every thought there for the first time. His desire for her, his empathy that he worked so hard to hide from the world, his self-loathing.

"Ezra," she tried.

Ezra jerked away from her touch so violently, he crashed into the cabinets behind him. "I can't do this to you," he said, even his flashy vocabulary stripped from him. He looked like he was going to weaken and reach for her, but he spun around, storming out the door instead.

Kaylee was left in the silence. She rubbed a hand against the pain in her chest and wondered if a heart could actually bleed.

She looked around the camper, feeling Ezra's presence everywhere. Her breath started to come in sharp gasps. She saw her bags, the only things that were hers.

She knelt down and shoved the clothes that were spilling out back into the bags, zipping them shut with a hard pull on the zipper. Shouldering them, she whistled for Barney, heard him jump off the bed in Ezra's room.

She needed to get out of there. She needed to get away from Ezra. She was breathing like she had just run a marathon. She ached like she had just run a marathon.

She spotted Chris, heading toward his motorcycle and tent. She should detour past him, avoid Ezra's friends. They were just one more thing that reminded her of him. Of the other people he was cutting out of his life.

She didn't make it past Chris before he looked up and saw her. His eyes took in her bags, her disarray, her gasping breaths.

"What happened?" he demanded. He put a steading hand on her upper arm, scanning the Sunday afternoon rodeo grounds like he would find an assailant.

Kaylee blinked hard against the burning in her eyes. She shook her head. She couldn't talk about it. She didn't want to picture the look on Ezra's face again. And the heart-rending knowledge he wouldn't let her help him. He wouldn't believe he was worth her help. That thought almost brought her to her knees. Chris tightened his grip on her arm.

"I can't stay at Ezra's," she said. That much she knew. It hurt too much to be there. Especially without him.

Chris nodded, unfazed. She wondered briefly if anything ever caught the older man off guard.

"We'll find you something," he said.

Kaylee nodded, trying to slow her breathing to a normal rate. Trying to breathe without Ezra. Trying to not be knocked over by her own past.

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