Chapter 14

"They're two sides of the same coin," Buck said.

Chris snorted. "I don't think she's got the history of cons and gambling that Ezra does.

Vin frowned. He knew, just instinctively knew, that Kaylee had a history that could rival Ezra's. Maybe she didn't gamble, or pull con jobs like Ezra had when they first met him four years earlier, but she was hiding something, and she didn't talk about it anymore than Ezra talked about himself and his past.

Vin didn't say anything, though. The little bit of information he had picked up around Kaylee wasn't anyone's business.

"They're more like gunpowder and a match," Nathan said. He nudged JD over so he could put away another roll of tape. The medical trailer was crowded with them all in there.

"I can't tell which one's gunpowder and which one's the match," Buck said.

"I think," Josiah said from where he reclined back in a chair and had been listening. Josiah didn't often offer an opinion, so they all quieted to listen. "That they're fighting the same battle."

Vin figured that summed it up pretty succinctly.

"Problem is," Buck said, "now they're both tryin' so hard to not need each other they're like a couple o' cattle with no herd and refusing to make their own herd."

JD frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Buck waved a hand like it should be clear. "They're like a porcupine that got stuck by its own quill."

They all stared at Buck in confusion. Finally Chris nodded. He had always got Buck better than the rest of them.

"They're not helping each other any. Not letting each other help any."

Buck nodded at Chris' summary.

"Even though that's what they both want," Buck said.

"What they both need," Josiah murmured quietly.

"Ok, so what do we do?" JD demanded. He was young enough that it was clear he thought every problem should have a solution. Vin wasn't old, but he was old enough to know that sometimes there wasn't a good solution. Or at least a solution where someone didn't end up hurt.

"Not much we can do about Ezra," Vin finally spoke up quietly. Someone needed to say the honest truth.

It wasn't as if his assessment was a surprise to anyone. They had all been through this with Ezra before. Every time he had a run-in with Maude, they gave him space, time to blow off some steam, pretend he didn't hurt, and he'd eventually make his way back, pretending he had never been bothered by it.

Problem was, he'd never had someone like Kaylee in his life before.

"So what do we do about Kaylee?" Nathan asked.

"She needs somewhere to stay," Chris said.

The men looked at each other. They had been through this weeks earlier and Ezra's trailer was the logical place for Kaylee. But that was before they imploded.

"We got the dinette that fold down," JD said uncomfortably. What he didn't say was that he slept on the fold out couch directly next to the dinette.

"I can take the dinette," Buck said. "She can have the bedroom."

There was a moment of silence as they calculated Buck folding his six-foot-plus frame onto the dinette. Or even onto the fold-down couch. And no one mentioned the hazmat suit that may be required to live in Buck and JD's camper.

"Anyone got a better idea?" Chris asked. "No way she can sleep in a tent or truck with the fools that are drinking and wandering the rodeo grounds."

"I'll let her know," Vin said. He felt like he owed her that much. To prepare her for life with Buck and JD, and apologize that there wasn't room for her in the cab of his truck where he slept.

"Casey and I are gonna take her out, get her mind off Ezra," JD offered.

Chris and Buck nodded at that. JD and Casey didn't exactly run with a fast crowd and the activity may do Kaylee some good. Vin figured it couldn't hurt at least.

Vin stood. He didn't have the patience for sitting around planning.

"I talked to Orrin and Mary," Josiah said, interrupting Vin's exit.

Vin turned and waited.

Josiah addressed the group. "I'm pulling out until Vegas. They'll find someone to replace me easy enough and I figured too much distance from his friends might not be in Ezra's best interest this time around."

Chris nodded slowly. "We'll miss you." Then he grinned. "I'll miss you, grabbing me up when one of those bulls gets a little testy."

Josiah returned the smile. "Well, then, try to stay on the bull, friend." He reached out and gripped Chris' hand.

"Same goes to you, Pard," Buck said, making them all smile at the comparison of Ezra to an angry bull trying to shake someone off.

"I don't plan on letting Ezra toss me easily."

And with that, they went their separate ways. Vin reminded himself it was only for the next three towns. Then it was the National Finals in Vegas, and if there was one place Ezra wouldn't miss, it was Vegas.

He found Kaylee standing outside the fencing he carted around from town to town, absently scratching at Alcott's forehead. Her dog lay at her feet.

She looked up when Vin approached. She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I think I'll be going as far as the next town with you, Vin, but then I'm going to have to stay there. Find a job, a place to live," she said.

Vin silently cursed both Ezra, and whatever she was running from, for putting the bleak hopelessness in her eyes.

"What about bunking with Buck and JD?" he asked, instead of prying for information.

She wrinkled her brow at him.

"They have room. They want you to stay with them. But I hope you'll still ride shotgun with me," he said, grinning, trying to lighten the feeling that she was taking charity. He knew how hard that could be to swallow.

She started shaking her head.

"They were hoping you could clean the place up a little," Vin added, knowing this was why he was offering the spare bed to Kaylee instead of Buck or JD doing it. "In exchange for the roof overhead. And I'm pretty sure the roof leaks."

Kaylee frowned and Vin could easily read every thought as it came. She wanted to accept the bed, she didn't want to accept charity. She was weighing whether it was a fair exchange or not.

"You've seen their place," Vin added. "And that was after they cleaned it up for poker night."

That finally earned a small smile.

"Come on," Vin said. "I'll walk you over there." He went to the bed of his truck where he knew she stashed her bags and shouldered them. Her dog trotted contentedly between them.

"You know," Vin said, keeping his eyes ahead. "If you ever need to talk. About Ez, or anything, the phone calls you keep getting…"

Kaylee flushed and quickly looked away. "Thanks," she muttered.

But she didn't offer up anything else.

Vin accepted her answer and didn't push. But he promised himself to keep a closer eye on her.

#

"I'm not taking your bed," Kaylee said, staring up at Buck. She glanced doubtfully at the table and bench seats and tried to imagine it being even remotely comfortable for Buck to sleep on.

"Look, we'll work out all those pesky details later. Casey and JD are waitin' and they sound like they have a fun time planned." Buck made a shooing motion toward the door. "And there was a fine lookin' woman waitin' on me after my last go-round that I need to go find."

In spite of herself, Kaylee's lips twitched in a smile. "There's always a fine looking woman waiting for you after your go-round."

"Yep," Buck said with a grin. "It's this animal magnetism I got. It's not something I can control." He shrugged helplessly, but then grew serious. "You don't have to go out with JD and Casey. You know you can stay here. Mi casa es su casa," he said in terrible Spanish. "But, I've had my heart broken a time or eight, and sittin' at home dwellin' on it ain't the cure you think it is."

Kaylee drew in a breath. The idea of being alone with her thoughts for the evening was enough to make her want to curl up in a ball. Her jaw instinctively tightened in response to the lump that started forming in her throat.

"Ok," she said, managing to get the word out around the tight knot. "Yeah, a distraction might be good." Anything to avoid thinking about Ezra. Anything to avoid the pain that felt like it would rip her heart to pieces.

Buck's relieved smile was enough to convince Kaylee that going out, staying busy, avoiding thinking about Ezra, shoving away memories of her hometown, it was all the right decision. She left Buck's camper and didn't have to look for JD and Casey. Both their faces lit up when they saw her.

"See?" Casey said to JD. "I told you she'd come." She linked her arm through Kaylee's and started guiding her toward the far end of the grounds. She gave Kaylee's arm a squeeze. "Getting mixed up with Ezra…well, we all make mistakes."

Kaylee knew Casey's smile was meant to be encouraging, but everything in her rebelled at the idea that her feelings for Ezra were a mistake.

"Hey," JD said, clearly taking offense. "Ezra's a good man. He may not show it like Buck or Nathan or the others, but getting to know him's not a mistake."

"I didn't say getting to know him's a mistake," Casey shot back. "I said getting mixed up with him is."

Kaylee closed her eyes briefly as their bickering intensified. Then they were silent and she opened her eyes. They were both looking at her.

"Sorry," Casey said with a wince. "That wasn't helpful."

Kaylee was doubting this was going to help her avoid thinking about Ezra. She was about to say so, when Casey smiled brightly and motioned toward a man standing near a truck in the parking lot.

"But this should help you forget…well, you know." She looked expectantly at Kaylee.

"Is that Gage Fulton?" JD asked, looking as confused as Kaylee felt.

"He's hot, right?" Casey asked Kaylee. JD looked startled at the comment. "For Kaylee, not for me," Casey muttered to him.

"For me?" Kaylee asked. Everything in her was wishing she had stayed back in Buck and JD's camper, curled up with Barney and a movie. She looked at the bullrider she had seen around, but never talked to.

"Come on," Casey said, giving her a tug. "He's been asking me about you for weeks. And he's a nice guy, a really nice guy. You don't have to worry about him running out on you, or playing some angle, or deciding he's better off on his own."

JD looked uncomfortable with what Casey was insinuating about Ezra. About as uncomfortable as Kaylee felt. But was anything Casey saying actually untrue? Kaylee rubbed her forehead with her free hand. She knew Ezra, and knew he would never hurt her. But wasn't that exactly what he was doing? What he kept doing?

"Fine," she finally agreed.

Casey half dragged her over to the lean cowboy. He smiled broadly at Kaylee as she approached. Everything in Kaylee wished it was Ezra smiling at her.

"Kaylee," Casey said, her voice gentling, dropping to a hushed tone. "Just come out with us tonight. Have a good time. Ezra doesn't have a conscience to see the world the way you do. Don't give him a second thought. I can guarantee Ezra isn't giving anything he's done a second thought."

Kaylee glanced at JD, saw the guilt in his eyes at Casey's assessment, but he didn't offer up an argument.

#

Josiah found Ezra at a poker table in a private room at the back of the casino where Vin had told him Ezra was staying. Ezra didn't look like Josiah had ever seen him before.

Sure, the pile of chips in front of him was a familiar sight. So was the drink in the glass at his right hand. But Josiah had never seen Ezra's hair tousled, like he had been running his hands through it. Worse, he had never seen the bleak hollowness in his eyes when he turned to look at Josiah. It wasn't an impassive face no one could read. It was completely empty, gutted.

Josiah sat at the table when the only other player called it a night. Ezra picked up his glass, swirling it slightly, staring blankly into the liquid like it might have answers. He tossed it back and set it down. "Are you looking for a game of cards, Mr. Sanchez?"

Josiah looked at the empty seats around the table, wondering how long Ezra had been there, living on whiskey and full houses.

"Been looking for you, Brother," Josiah answered.

Ezra nodded. "Well, you found me in all my glory," he said, bitter sarcasm edging his words. He spread out his arms to encompass the table. "My kingdom," he said sharply.

"Looks like you a had a run of luck," Josiah said mildly. He didn't know if this was better than the Ezra who kept everything tightly concealed. He personally thought any display of emotion from the man was a sign of growth.

Trying to nurture that growth into a functioning relationship with someone rather than something Ezra needed to numb and run away from, however, was a daunting prospect.

"Oh yes," Ezra said. "My night was quite fortuitous. Thousands of dollars, a new watch," he said, picking up a gold pocket watch before tossing it aside, "phone numbers for three waitresses, and," he picked up a piece of paper, squinting at the print on it. "What seems to be the deed to a vacation home." He threw the paper back on the table. "What more could a man want?"

The waitress started coming over to refill Ezra's glass, but Josiah subtly shook his head.

"Well, Ezra," Josiah said easily. "You tell me. What more do you want?"

Ezra turned his hollow eyes on Josiah for the first time. For a second, Josiah thought Ezra might actually answer him, when pain flashed through the numbness. But then Ezra shook his head. "Nothing," he said. "Absolutely nothing." He ran a hand over his face and picked up his glass, then realized it was empty.

"It's gone," he mumbled to himself. "And it's for the best."

Josiah heaved a sigh and dropped a hand on Ezra's shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

Ezra dropped his head forward onto the green felt tabletop and proceeded to pass out.

#