Chapter 42
Ezra ran his hands over his hair. It was no doubt standing on end with how many times he had done that over the last two days. He watched Kaylee empty out another cabinet. Their entire kitchen contents were currently covering the counters and she had moved onto stacking things on the table.
"You're supposed to be resting," he said again. And again, like it had been for the past two days, it was futile.
"I'm resting," Kaylee said as she carried canned goods to the table and went back for another load.
"This—" Ezra cut himself off before his tone came out too harsh. His frustration was threatening to get the better of him. He took a breath and tried again. "Deep cleaning the kitchen is not resting."
Kaylee glanced at him, but then quickly looked away. Ezra didn't think she had looked him in the eye since the car wreck.
His phone rang, saving him from trying to figure out how to get her to slow down.
He walked to the other end of the living space to answer it.
"Hey, Ezra," Buck's voice greeted him.
"Mr. Wilmington."
"How're you and Kaylee?" Buck asked.
Ezra looked over at Kaylee. She had filled a bucket with soapy water and was scrubbing the empty cabinets like a woman possessed.
"We're working like a housekeeper on Adderall," Ezra said drily.
"What?" Buck asked. "She ok?"
"Yes," Ezra said. "She's ok." He hoped she was.
"Well that's good," Buck said on a sigh of relief. "Vin said he's been tryin' to get ahold of her, but she won't answer her phone."
Ezra had noticed her checking her caller ID and rejecting the calls, but he hadn't commented to her on it.
"You mind if I stop by?"
"Please do," Ezra said, feeling a wave of relief that someone else could come and try to talk some sense into Kaylee. Maybe she would listen to Buck and slow down. And Ezra could get away long enough to try to take a deep breath and get his own thoughts under control.
"I'll be over soon," Buck said.
Ezra ended the call. He watched Kaylee move onto another cabinet, scrubbing furiously, pausing to catch her breath, closing her eyes like she was losing her balance, then going right back to the task.
He was at a complete loss with how to fix things. He wasn't even sure what was broken.
He was feeling more helpless than he ever had and it wasn't a feeling he liked.
#
Ezra opened the door before Buck could knock. Buck frowned at the sight of Ezra, hair sticking up, looking like he hadn't slept in days.
Ezra opened the door wider and motioned Buck in without comment.
Buck didn't see Kaylee at first, but he could hear a cabinet door slam. He glanced at Ezra.
"I'll be at the barns if you need anything," Ezra said grimly.
Buck headed toward the kitchen, hearing Ezra pull his jacket on and head out the door.
Kaylee was placing dishes into a cabinet, shutting that door, then moving to an empty drawer and putting silverware and the tray back in place.
"Hey there, Darlin'," Buck greeted her, trying to sound at ease in spite of the oppressive tension that filled the house.
Kaylee looked up. "Buck." she sounded surprised. Then her eyes widened in horror. "Is Vin—?"
Buck cut her off before the panic in her voice took over. "He's fine. He's good," he amended. "He's supposed to come home today. Doc said watching his head for a couple days was reassuring and he'll be fine."
Kaylee put a hand out to brace herself on the counter and sucked in a shaky breath.
Buck put a hand on her shoulder. He gave her a squeeze. "He's been tryin' to call you. Let you know he's fine."
Kaylee jerked away from his touch. "I've been busy. I just…there's a lot to get done." Her gaze bounced around, anywhere but meeting his eyes. She looked over the clean kitchen and chewed her lip. "I need to clean the upstairs."
She went to a closet at the far end of the kitchen and disappeared. Buck could hear rummaging and a small crash.
He went to the closet and nearly bumped into Kaylee coming out, lugging a steam cleaner.
"What are you plannin'?" Buck asked.
"The carpets should be shampooed." Kaylee kept moving, wheeling the carpet cleaner through the dining area and living room. At the stairs, she lifted the bulky machine with a grunt.
Buck hurried after her. He took the cleaner from her and carried it the rest of the way upstairs.
"Kaylee," Buck said when she took it and started toward one of the bedrooms. "I'll bet Ezra really appreciates a clean house. But I think he's worried about you. Didn't the doctor tell you to take it easy?"
It was the wrong to say. Kaylee clenched her jaw and shook her head. "I'm not hurt. Just some cuts. Not—not like Vin."
Buck tried again. "Vin's just fine. He's been fine the whole time. They just kept him to make sure nothin' changed on his scans. His head's just as solid as it always was." He tried for a grin, but Kaylee just blinked quickly like she was fighting back tears.
She sniffed once, and turned her attention to the cleaner, fumbling with the compartment that needed to be removed to be filled with water. She tugged at it without any luck and gave it a solid hit, a curse escaping.
Buck moved quickly to help her. Kaylee stepped back while he pulled the chamber free, taking it from him with a quiet thanks.
Buck heaved a sigh and followed her to the bathroom where she filled it.
"Why don't you go get off your feet for a bit and I'll take care of this for you?"
Kaylee kept her back to him and shook her head. Buck was pretty sure she was holding back a sob with the way her shoulders jerked.
But she stayed focused on her task and Buck couldn't figure out what to do other than move furniture so she didn't go trying to shove a bed or a dresser across the room on her own.
He watched her work, driven by some internal demon that she wouldn't name. He thought about what Vin had said before the accident. He knew something about what Kaylee was keeping to herself. But neither he or Kaylee was saying a word.
In the end, Buck ended up just working alongside her, trying to slow her pace. Trying to coax her into opening up. And having no luck with either.
#
"You didn't have to do this, Mary," Vin said.
Mary went through the door first as Chris held it, Vin following her into his and Buck's shared home.
"I'm happy to help, Vin," she assured him. "You had us all worried."
Vin tried to ignore the pain in his ribs as he lowered himself onto the couch, watching as Mary brought the homemade meals to his fridge.
"Someone else had the same idea," she said.
"What?" Vin asked.
"You and Buck have a week's worth of meals here," Mary said. "I'll put mine in the freezer."
"Kaylee," Chris said. "Ezra said she was making some food for you."
"Well she made more than 'some'," Mary said.
Vin frowned. Kaylee shouldn't have been doing that. She shouldn't be trying to make anything up to him. She should just be talking to Ezra, telling him what she had been hiding. He saw Mary watching him and tried to keep the dark thoughts from showing on his face.
"Gonna go check the animals," Chris said. "Get the chorse started. Let me know when you're ready to head home," Chris said to Mary.
She nodded and gave Chris a private smile. Vin looked away. He had good friends. Friends that were more family than friends. But that didn't stop the occasional pangs of loneliness that had dogged his heels since he had been a kid in foster care.
His head ached, his ribs protested every movement, and he was worried about Kaylee. Vin leaned his head back on the couch and closed his eyes, listening to Mary's movements in the small kitchen.
He heard her come over to the couch, felt the slight shift of cushions as she sat. He squinted his eyes open and looked over at her.
"Do you want an ice pack?" she asked.
A small chuckle escaped before Vin cut it off with a grunt as the movement pulled at his ribs. "Had enough ice on me with my knee I'm halfway to turnin' into a penguin," Vin said.
Mary laughed softly. "Are you due for a pill?" she asked.
"I'm fine," Vin said.
Mary made a sound of doubt, but didn't push.
Heavy boots clunked up the steps and the door opened, followed by Buck's greeting.
""Bout time you got back here," Buck greeted him.
"Hey, Pard," Vin said without opening his eyes.
Buck greeted Mary. "Any chance you'll choose me over Chris yet?" Buck asked.
Vin let the sound of Buck's teasing become a comfortable background noise until he heard him mention Kaylee's name.
"That girl is perpetual motion," Buck said. "Won't stop until the whole house is clean. Cooking and baking up a storm. Started talkin' about puttin' up a Christmas tree early."
Vin knew what was driving her. She wanted to prove she was fine. That she wasn't being chased by her past.
"She look ok?" Vin asked.
The expression on Buck's face was answer. "She ain't doin' great," he said.
It was Vin had guessed.
"You told her I'm fine?" Vin asked.
"Even offered to bring her over here to see you herself," Buck said.
That Kaylee wasn't with Buck told Vin how that conversation had gone. His chest ached deeper than his ribs at the thought of Kaylee carrying the guilt of the accident and the fear of whoever she owed money to.
He started to get up, thinking maybe he'd go over there to talk to her himself, but his ribs caught him, making him gasp, then grunt, and then Buck was shaking his head.
"Not today. I'll drive you over tomorrow. Or get her over here. You ain't going anywhere right now."
Vin could acknowledge the practicality of Buck's words, but he hated leaving Kaylee on her own, trapped by her secrets.
"Tomorrow," Buck said firmly.
Vin gave a grunt of agreement. Tomorrow would have to be soon enough.
#
Kaylee paced the living room floor, moonlight coming in through the tall windows. Buck had said Vin was supposed to come home earlier in the day. She had made sure to drop off meals when she wouldn't run into Vin.
She rubbed at the ache in her head, then stopped when that pulled at her deep cuts. She couldn't sleep. She didn't have anything left to clean.
She wanted to see Vin.
She twisted her fingers together as she paced another lap around the room. She just needed to see him, see if Buck really had been telling the truth that Vin was fine.
She went to the door, pulling on her heavy coat, sliding her feet into her boots, taking the keys from the hook by the door.
She'd just go see Vin, tell him again how sorry she was. And then maybe she would be able to sleep.
#
Chris ran a hand over his jaw, the stubble scratching at his palm. He swung his legs over the side of his bed.
His room was dark and silent. He looked at the empty bed behind him and for a second let himself think of Mary there.
He rubbed his hand over his face. No point in thinking about that. He and Mary never talked about anything beyond now. Mary never pushed, taking him where he was capable of being and that was what made it work with them.
Heaving a sigh, Chris stood and padded down the hall to the kitchen. He got a glass and turned on the faucet. A light swung through the kitchen.
Chris' brow furrowed and he went to the window. He thought Vin and Buck were both home. He glanced at the clock. Nearly midnight.
But it wasn't Buck's truck that pulled up to the bunkhouse the two men shared.
Ezra's smaller truck parked near the bunkhouse. Chris watched as Kaylee got out of the truck. She went to the door, pausing before she lifted her fist to knock.
A knot settled in Chris' stomach when Vin pulled the door open. He and Kaylee looked at each other, then without speaking, Vin wrapped his arms around Kaylee. He held her and she wrapped her arms around his waist. Keeping his arm around her, Vin held her while they went inside.
Chris told himself it was nothing. That there was some reason Kaylee would show up to Vin's at midnight. A dim light went on in Vin's room and Chris tried to think of some reason for that. Any reason Kaylee would be in Vin's room in the middle of the night.
After awhile the light went out. But Kaylee didn't leave.
Chris cursed under his breath. He went back to his glass of water, pouring it out without drinking any, slamming the glass onto the counter.
#
Kaylee knocked on the door to Buck and Vin's house softly. She almost hoped no one would answer. Then she wouldn't have to face Vin. But she also would have to go home without talking to him.
The door opened and Vin stood there.
Kaylee forced herself to meet his eyes. She opened her mouth, trying to find any words, but her throat closed up.
In the blue moonlight, Vin's eyes softened with compassion. He pulled Kaylee to him and she closed her eyes, feeling his solid presence. Vin was ok. He was in one piece after the accident.
She wrapped her arms around his waist and held him tightly, trying to communicate everything she needed to say without being able to get the words out.
Vin held onto her, keeping her tucked close to his side and bringing her inside.
Kaylee looked over in the direction of Buck's closed bedroom door.
"He's sleeping," Vin said.
"I shouldn't have come this late," Kaylee said, realizing for the first time how late it was.
"I was up," Vin said.
Kaylee looked over at Buck's door again.
"Come on, we'll make sure Buck's not woke up," Vin said.
Kaylee followed him.
In his room Vin turned on a small lamp. The room was sparse. Kaylee saw a couple photos on the dresser, a magazine on the nightstand, and not much else. Vin lived simply.
She stood uncomfortably near the door, not sure how to begin.
Vin tucked his hands into the pockets of his flannel pajama pants. "I know," he said.
Kaylee looked at him.
"It's ok," Vin said. "You don't want to talk about whatever—whoever—has you all tangled in knots." There was no censure in his voice.
"I just…I can't," she said helplessly.
Vin didn't try to convince her otherwise, something that had Kaylee nearly wilting with relief.
"I'm here if you need," Vin said. "Ok? Just know that. When you need to talk, or if you need help, you got me. You got me, Buck, Chris, Josiah, Nathan, JD. Any time."
Kaylee's throat nearly closed with the lump of threatened tears. She nodded.
"You want to watch a movie?" Vin asked, giving her the space to find safer ground. "I ain't sleepin' tonight."
Kaylee nodded.
Vin flipped off the light in his room. "We'll let Buck get the snacks if he wakes up," he said with a tentative grin.
Kaylee tried for a smile for him, wanting him to know how much she appreciated him. She reached out and squeezed his arm.
Vin sighed and patted her hand.
Kaylee took the offered remote, flipping through the movie channels, choosing a chick flick that would hopefully not have the explosions of sound that might wake up Buck.
She looked over at Vin. He leaned back on the couch and reached a hand over to her. Kaylee linked her fingers with his briefly, a silent thank you for being a friend.
Then she took the blanket that was tossed over the back of the couch and pulled it over her, settling in, some of her anxiety finally subsiding enough that she could catch her breath for the first time in days.
#
"Thanks," Ezra said.
He hung up his phone. Kaylee had left her phone behind, and when the truck was gone when he woke up, he had immediately feared the worst. That she had left. She had finally realized marrying him was a mistake. She couldn't tell him what was haunting her and she didn't trust him, and had left him.
But a call to Buck had reassured him that Kaylee was over there. He was relieved she was finally with Vin. Maybe that would calm her down.
He hurried through the bare necessity of morning chores, taking the pickup that was usually saved for going out to the pastures to drive down to Vin's.
He knocked once on the door and let himself in.
He didn't see Kaylee at first. Buck looked up and nodded toward the couch.
Ezra rounded the couch and saw Kaylee, head resting on the arm of the couch, sound asleep.
Ezra let out a long sigh of relief. She was fine and she was finally getting some sleep.
Buck and Vin's attention turned back to the television.
"What is this?" Ezra asked as Reese Witherspoon pranced across the screen in pink.
"Legally Blonde," Vin answered.
"Two," Buck added. "You ever watched it? It's real good. That gal's got pluck."
Ezra felt his eyebrows raise, but didn't comment on that. "You've been watching movies all night?"
Vin spoke, his voice rough without sleep. "Most the night. Buck joined in around 3 am."
Kaylee let out a sound and shifted in her sleep, her brow furrowing, an arm reaching out, before she settled in again.
"She's been doin' that all night," Buck said, looking at her with concern.
"It's better than her usual," Ezra commented.
Buck frowned but didn't ask for any details and Ezra didn't want to think about it. Kaylee was resting for now and that was the best he could hope for.
He accepted Buck's invitation to join them, carefully shifting Kaylee so her feet were on his lap. He didn't follow the movie, his entire attention on Kaylee, hoping that she would be ok now that she had seen for herself that Vin was healing.
#