This chapter took me a little longer since everything's been building toward this moment, so I'm hoping I got it right. :) And know that the story's not over yet. :)

Chapter 45

Buck jogged up the steps to Chris' home, a cheerful whistle on his lips. He loved the holidays. He loved the noise and the hustle, the food, the gatherings. He loved everything about the season.

"Buck!" Billy yelled, jumping down from his perch near the counter where Josiah was basting the turkey and skidding across the kitchen to Buck.

"Hey there fella," Buck said, swinging Mary's boy up into his arms.

"Chris said he's got a horse that'd be perfect for me, and guess what?" Billy's words spilled out so fast he had to stop to draw a breath.

"What?" Buck asked.

"He said he talked to my ma and it's high time I got some riding lessons! Chris is gonna teach me to ride! And he's gonna teach me to rope as good as you and JD! And guess what else?"

Buck was half worried the kid might hyperventilate in his excitement. But he couldn't hold back his chuckle at Billy's eyes open wide in his earnestness.

"What else?" Buck asked on cue.

"I'm gonna ask him to teach me to ride bulls like he does!"

Buck could only imagine what Mary would have to say about that. "We'll have to put you on a sheep first," Buck said.

"Aww, I've been doin' mutton busting since I could walk," Billy said. "That's for kids."

"Right," Buck said seriously. At the ripe old age of seven, Billy was clearly over the hill. He cleared his throat to hold back his chuckle.

"You want to watch the parade?" Billy asked.

"That's what I'm here for. It ain't the start of the holidays till the fat man rolls through on his sleigh."

Billy grinned. "You're wearing Santa's hat."

Buck winked at the kid. "Maybe Santa's the one wearing my hat."

Billy laughed and reached up a hand to bat at the white fluff on the edge of the Santa hat on Buck's head.

Buck set him down and followed him into the living room.

Chris was reclined back, feet resting on the coffee table, steaming coffee mugs in hand, and greeted him when he came in. Oren gave Buck a nod. Mary gave him a warm smile and stood to offer to get him a drink.

Buck waved away the offer. He settled into one of the armchairs, laughing as Billy and JD both exclaimed over the size of one of the giant balloons making its way down the streets of New York on the television. Rain's grandfather chuckled at their enthusiasm.

Yep. There was nothing better than the holidays.

#

Kaylee sat next to Ezra on the loveseat. The conversation flowed easily around her. She felt a smile pull at her lips at the sight of Buck in the Santa hat. She set her unfinished plate of pie on the low table in front of her.

She felt Ezra's gaze on her and met his eyes. He frowned at her barely touched plate, the same way he had looked at her plate when they had all been around the heavily laden table in the dining room. Then the same shuttered look took over before he looked away, turning toward Oren when the older man asked him a question.

Kaylee swallowed down the pain. She looked at Casey giggling at something JD said. Josiah nearly dozing in a rocking chair in a corner of the room. Nathan and Buck talking to Rain's grandfather about the lack of snow so far and what that would mean for spring hay. Rain listening and nodding along with whatever Nettie was saying to her. Chris on the couch, his arm stretched out across the back, over Mary's shoulders, Mary's son on his lap.

It was a far cry from the Thanksgivings of eating takeout and watching TV with her mom until her mom passed out from drinking or drugs or both.

Kaylee stood abruptly. Ezra looked at her again. Kaylee forced a smile that wobbled slightly. "I'm going to get some air," she said. "I'm fine," she said, repeating her constant refrain when Ezra's brow knit in concern. She waved a hand for him to stay with Oren and finish his conversation.

She hurried to the deck door off the kitchen, sucking in a deep breath of the crisp November air when she got outside.

She closed her eyes and took another shaky breath.

"It gets to be a bit much in there," a voice said.

Kaylee startled. She hadn't seen Vin sitting on the steps.

"It's nice," she said. She made her way toward him. "It's not that the noise is too much, it's just…everyone in there all together…"

"Kinda can make the past hurt worse when you see what you have now," Vin finished when she trailed off.

Kaylee sank down onto the top step next to him. "Yeah," she sighed. Her chest ached with love for the family she had found all tangled together with remembered loneliness.

She sat next to Vin in silence, watching the horses in the distance behind the barns.

"The first holidays after I met Chris and the others," Vin said quietly, "were overwhelming. Knowing I finally had a family. People to count on. People counting on me. Still have to take a breather from it. Gets to be too much in here, you know?" he asked, tapping his fingers to his chest.

"Yeah," she said, knowing exactly what he meant. The love she felt for these people who had taken her on as one of their own made it hard to breathe sometimes. And the fear of losing them was suffocating.

Vin lapsed back into silence, but the knot in Kaylee's chest started unwinding. She couldn't feel the warmth of the sun, but the light was there, shining down on them and the brown grass, leafless trees. She wrapped her arms around her knees.

"Does it get easier?" she asked. "Feeling like this?"

"It gets easier," Vin assured her. "The memories hurt less and you trust in what you have a little more every year."

Kaylee nodded, blinking back tears that threatened again. She wondered if she would be able to believe in what she had found with Ezra, with the others. She was almost free of her past, so close to being safe from Cletus' threats.

Vin shifted slightly, wincing a bit. "I'm gonna head back in. You comin'?"

"I think I'll sit here another minute."

Vin didn't argue. He slipped off his heavy denim jacket and dropped it over her shoulders. Kaylee burrowed into its warmth.

When Vin slid the door open, she heard the laughter and easy conversation from inside before the door closed again.

She didn't have to worry about losing this. She could trust what she had found.

#

Vin looked back through the deck door at Kaylee's slight frame huddled in his jacket. He hadn't lied when he told her it got easier. But then he would see Chris with Mary. JD and Casey in the first blushes of love, Nathan and Rain. And he would realize how lonely he still was.

He looked at Kaylee again. Her hair hung in a straight braid, a warm shade of blond with the faintest hints of copper. She was resting her chin on her knees, a picture of lost dejection.

He stepped away from the door. She was Ezra's wife. He needed to step back and let Ezra be the one to comfort her. The one to get her to open up.

"Are you ok, Vin?"

Vin turned at the sound of Mary's voice. She looked past him to see Kaylee sitting alone outside.

He cleared his throat. "Think I'll go see if anyone knows the score of the game," he said.

Mary nodded, but her blue eyes were warm with sympathy. Vin ignored the look and grabbed a beer from the fridge before going back into the fray of friends and family.

#

Mary carefully balanced the two steaming mugs as she slid the door open and stepped outside.

"Do you mind if I join you?" she asked.

Kaylee looked up and Mary tried not to let her expression change at the sight of the dark circles under the young woman's eyes, or the thin line of her lips. She had noticed all that earlier, but out here in the sunlight, her peaked complexion was more startling.

"Sure," Kaylee said.

Mary sat down next to her on the steps and handed her one of the mugs. "Nettie's spiced cider. One of our Thanksgiving traditions."

She watched the way Kaylee gripped the mug like she needed the warmth for something deeper than a physical chill. She took a sip of her own cider.

"Are you safe, Kaylee?" she asked without preamble.

Kaylee stiffened.

"Those men that came to the rodeos when you were in the other circuit, do they have anything to do with what's going on between you and Ezra?"

Kaylee's face fell and Mary almost felt guilty for asking. But the tension between Kaylee and Ezra was impossible to miss. And Kaylee didn't look like she was any less hunted than she had when they had talked in Reno. If anything, she looked worse. Mary felt her lips pull down in concern.

"They won't come here," Kaylee finally whispered. "I just…I owe them some money, but it's taken care of. They won't come looking for me."

Mary had no idea what Kaylee was into, but the way she talked about the men made her acutely aware they were not the type of men who would be rational and fair, staying away from Kaylee as long as she paid them.

"Ezra's worried about you," Mary said.

Kaylee's hands clutched her mug tighter.

"It may help to open up to him." Before she had finished, Kaylee was already shaking her head.

"It's not that easy," Kaylee said.

Mary chose her words carefully. "He loves you. Whatever you tell him—"

Kaylee was scrambling to her feet, weaving slightly before catching her balance. She shook her head again. "I can't tell him. You don't understand."

"I want to understand," Mary said.

But Kaylee was shaking her head again, backing away toward the house. "I really appreciate you trying to help, Mrs. Tr—Mary. But it's…." Distress pulled at her features as she struggled for words.

Behind her the door opened.

"Kaylee?" Ezra asked.

The formal distance in his tone made Mary wince. She could only imagine how Kaylee felt.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked.

Kaylee fairly leapt at the offered escape. "Yes. Let's go." She hurried after him, the door closing behind them. A long sigh escaped Mary. She knew Chris was worried about Ezra and Kaylee as well. But she had promised Kaylee months ago that she wouldn't share what she knew about Kaylee's past—precious little as that was—with anyone.

She got her feet under her and followed the escape route Kaylee had taken. She wasn't going to be able to keep her word to Kaylee. Not with the way Kaylee looked. Not with Kaylee and Ezra's marriage already starting to fall apart.

She wouldn't say anything today—not on Thanksgiving. But she couldn't just stand by and not say something.

#

Ezra heard the shower turn on. He glanced once at the closed bathroom door. Kaylee wasn't given to long showers. He went to his dresser and got a pen laying on the top.

He knew he and Kaylee were beyond any sort of small romantic gestures fixing all their problems. But maybe it would lessen the tension enough that they could start on the road to figuring out how to…he didn't know what. But at least talk to each other.

He pulled open the drawer she had her word of the day calendar in. In spite of him knowing about it, she still kept it shoved in the back of her drawer, buried under sweaters.

He found the sweater it was tucked under, ready to write small notes to Kaylee on each day, reassuring her of her intellect, her beauty, her compassionate heart, whatever it took to convince her of his love for her.

He pulled the sweater out and a loose sheaf of paper slips fell to the floor. Ezra set the calendar on the dresser top and knelt to pick up the receipts. He picked up the first one and read it.

Confused, he reached for the next one. Then the next. It didn't make sense. Weeks, months, of withdrawals from his accounts. Totaling thousands, tens of thousands of dollars.

It didn't make any sense.

He opened the drawer all the way, sure there was something else in there that would explain why Kaylee had been withdrawing so much money from their accounts. He felt something wrapped in one of her sweatshirts.

He stared at the birth certificate with an unfamiliar name on it. The Kansas drivers license with the same name, but a familiar picture. A younger Kaylee smiling for the camera.

Understanding hit like a punch to his chest.

Maude had been right.

Kaylee didn't marry him for love.

She wasn't Kaylee.

She wanted his money.

Ezra shoved the pain down. With control so measured it hurt, he gathered the bank slips. His hands shook, the paper rustling slightly in his grip.

He took the birth certificate and the driver's license. He studied the picture of the woman he thought he knew. The one person he had let get to know him better than anyone.

Kaitlin Lee Rawlings. Not Kaylee Standish. He hadn't married Kaylee Timms. She didn't exist.

He couldn't breathe.

His mind was scrambling to make sense of what he was looking at. Trying to find anything that would make sense, besides the obvious.

He had been used.

Pain like he had never known ripped through him then.

Instinctively, he shoved the pain aside. He couldn't feel hurt. If he didn't feel it, it wasn't real. He wasn't hurt. He was still in control.

He hadn't been deceived. His marriage wasn't a sham.

He wasn't the biggest fool to ever walk the earth.

#

Kaylee pulled on a soft pair of sweat pants and one of Ezra's shirts over her head. It was the best she could get for closeness to him right now.

She wiped the steam off the bathroom mirror. She stared at her reflection. Her freshly washed hair hung past her shoulders. Her face was gaunt, her expression hollow. She rubbed her hands over her face, wanting to wipe away what she saw. A woman who was lying to everyone around her.

She couldn't go on like this. She had to tell Ezra. It didn't matter what Cletus had threatened. It didn't matter what Maude had said to Ezra. She would do what Ezra had been asking her to do— trust him. She would trust Ezra to help her. Trust him to not buy into what Maude had told him about her. Trust him to protect himself—and her—from Cletus.

For the first time in a long time, the vise around her lungs eased and she drew a breath. She would tell Ezra everything. They would figure this out together. He would help her. She wasn't on her own.

Her nerves were raw at the prospect of telling Ezra, but it was better than trying to hold all this in another day. Better than this wall that was growing between them.

Kaylee squared her shoulders with a bravado she didn't feel. She closed her eyes, trying to find some sort of encouragement to go through with this. But there wasn't any. Just a desperation to not lose Ezra because of her lies.

The headache that had come back mid afternoon built to a pounding pain behind her temples. The bathroom floor tilted under her bare feet.

She put out a hand on the marble vanity top, the condensation damp under her palm.

The room didn't stop moving, but she got her balance enough to let go of the counter.

Drawing in a deep breath that nearly choked her, she opened the bathroom door.

Ezra was seated at the edge of the bed, staring at the wall. He turned at her approach.

"Ezra," she said. Then she saw the look on his face. "Is something wrong?" she asked dumbly. It was a stupid question. Of course something was wrong. That's what she was going to fix.

"Why don't you tell me?" Ezra answered. Kaylee had never heard ice in his voice like that before. He stood, something in his hand.

No.

"Ezra, I can explain—"

"Oh, I'm sure you can," Ezra said, a harsh edge to his voice. "You'll have an answer for everything. It's what any con artist would do. I should know."

"No, it's not like that," Kaylee said, hearing the desperation in her voice. She had to make him understand. Had to explain. "I—"

"I know exactly what it's like. You saw a target when you looked at me. Well done. I'm not easy to fool and you played me for one."

"Ezra, no!" Kaylee cried. "I didn't! I promise!"

"Your promises mean nothing!" he exploded.

Kaylee recoiled, but didn't retreat. She started shaking her head, tears pressing against her eyelids. "Please, just listen. Let me tell you—"

"I've listened long enough." Ezra was already pulling away, a stone wall completed between them. "Get out."

"Wh—what?" Kaylee asked.

"You heard me," Ezra said. "Get out. Get out of my house. Out of my life."

"No, please." The words were ripped from her. She reached out for Ezra, he jerked away from her. Her tears were hot on her cheeks, but everything else felt icy. Her fingers were nearly numb.

"Gather your things and leave," Ezra bit out. He tossed the handful of bank receipts aside. They fluttered to the bed, some sliding onto the floor. The spread across her license and birth certificate. Without a backward glance, he strode from the room—their room.

Kaylee's hand went to her chest, gripping at the pain there, but not able to ease it. A sob escaped. Another jerked her shoulders. She buried her face in her hands and collapsed down to where Ezra had been sitting on the bed. The sobs racked her, stole her breath, all the pain consuming her until she knew she would break.

#

Ezra stared into the cold fireplace. He could hear Kaylee's movements upstairs, hurried, uneven. He shoved aside any sympathy. She had made her choices. The tears were likely for herself. Her long con had come to an end before she was ready.

Footsteps sounded on the stairs, but Ezra didn't turn around. He couldn't. If he looked at her, saw those green eyes filled with hurt, he might cave. And there was no way he would let himself be that stupid.

Fool me once…

He didn't finish the thought. She had fooled him more than once. She had deceived him for months.

"Ezra…" Kaylee's broken voice sounded behind him.

He didn't answer. The pain closed off his throat.

"Get out." It seemed to be the only thing he could say.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered.

Sorry she was caught, no doubt. He had seen Maude try to salvage things with her marks ussing the same words, the same shattered voice. When he didn't respond, she gave a small sniffle then called to her dog.

"Barney, come on."

The dog started toward her, then stopped, looking at Ezra.

"Barney," Kaylee called again. "Come here."

The lab whined uneasily, then took a few steps toward Ezra and dropped down at his feet.

Ezra looked at the dog. Even the animal looked pained by the tension in the room.

"Barney," Kaylee called more insistently. The dog thumped his tail against the floor but made no move to go to her.

Ezra risked a glance at the woman he had thought was his wife.

The anguish on her face was nearly enough to make him question what he was doing. But then she looked at him and he had to look away from the pain in her eyes. Looking away broke him free from the doubt.

"I'll—I'll get Barney once I get…when I…" she faltered. No doubt she hadn't expected him to catch on to her ruse and wasn't sure where she was going now.

She started crying again and it was too much for Ezra. He marched over to the table near the door and grabbed a set of keys, nearly flinging them at her. He needed to get her out of there before he succumbed to whatever manipulation she was working.

"Take the truck," he said.

She started to shake her head, crying harder.

"Take the damn truck!" he exploded, losing control. "You deserve some sort of payment after your commitment to a con of this magnitude."

Kaylee took the keys, her entire body shaking as she cried.

Ezra couldn't look at her, couldn't listen to this anymore. Not when he was ready to fall apart himself. It took every measure of control he had ever practiced to turn away from her and go back into the living room.

"I…" she started.

Ezra stiffened.

"I love you, Ezra," she said. The words were so sincere, Ezra almost believed her. But then she was crying too hard to say anything else and she went to the door, walking out of Ezra's life.

Leaving him more alone than he had ever been.

#

The holidays really were the best. Buck pulled his truck to a stop in front of Ezra's and flipped off his headlights. Dusk was falling and the evening was peaceful. He was full of good food, relaxed from the day with his makeshift family. It had been enough to mostly distract him from thoughts of Inez. Wondering what it would be like to have the Vegas waitress at his side for the holidays.

He needed to stop thinking about her. She had made it clear she had no interest in anything after their week together in Vegas. At some point he would have to accept that.

Bringing a dish of leftover food to Ezra and Kaylee had been a way to prolong the day, keep the holiday a little longer.

Buck hopped down from his truck and reached across the seat for the small platter Mary had put together. Ezra's house looked welcoming, lights blazing. Like a home. Something Ezra could thank Kaylee for. Buck had every confidence that whatever was strained between Ezra and Kaylee, they would work it out.

Buck jogged up the steps. Hopefully he wasn't interrupting them 'working it out'. His lips curved in a grin as he chuckled. He imagined Ezra wouldn't appreciate the leftovers if they came at the expense of Buck's poor timing.

Buck heard movement inside. He lifted his hand to knock again, then paused. Was someone crying? His jovial spirit dissipated and he moved to open the door, but it flung open before his hand reached the knob.

Kaylee nearly barreled into him, struggling with the weight of a duffel bag in her arms.

She looked at him, her eyes red, face streaked with tears and quickly looked away, trying to edge around him.

"What's wrong?" Buck asked.

Kaylee just shook her head, pressing her lips together and pushed past him, down the porch steps.

"Kaylee!" Buck called, but she wrestled her duffel into the bed of one of Ezra's trucks. "What happened? What's goin' on?" he asked.

Kaylee shook her head and wrenched open the truck door. She got up in the driver's seat. "Look after Alcott for me?" she asked. Her voice was unsteady. "I'll try to send for her. And Barney."

"What are you talkin' about?" None of what she was saying made any sense. Where was she going? Where was Ezra?

"You're a good friend, Buck. The best," she said before she started crying even harder. She pulled the truck door closed between them and started the engine.

"Kaylee!" Buck yelled again, but it was lost in the engine revving as she pulled out, gravel churning under the tires.

What the hell was going on?

He went back to the house, flinging open the door, needing answers.

"Ezra!" he called.

Ezra didn't answer. He was standing in front of the empty fireplace. Kaylee's dog whined and scooted forward a bit on his stomach, but stayed near Ezra's feet.

"Did you know Kaylee's leaving? She just bolted out of here lookin' like she lost her best friend. What just happened?"

Ezra didn't look at him. "She lost her meal ticket," he said harshly.

"What?" Buck felt like he had walked in on a foreign movie halfway through.

"She's gone, Mr. Wilmington," Ezra said. He looked at Buck then and Buck nearly reeled back at the fury and pain pulling at Ezra's face.

"Aw hell, Ez," Buck said. He had no idea what had happened, but clearly Ezra was hurting something fierce. He moved farther into the living room, closer to Ezra but leaving him some space. He'd stay until Ezra was ready to talk. And if he didn't want to talk, he'd still be here. He slipped is phone from his pocket, texting Chris, letting him know someone needed to check on Kaylee.

Ezra finally moved, heading to the kitchen. He went to the fridge and pulled out a beer, but didn't open it. Just stared at it.

With a suddenness that startled Buck, he threw it into the sink, the glass bottle shattering.

Shoulders heaving with ragged breaths, Ezra turned and stared at Buck. The emptiness in his eyes was worse than any pain could have been there.

#