Chapter 46

Kaylee's throat was raw, her eyelids sandpaper. She stared through the windshield at what had once been familiar. After eight hours of driving, her head ached, her emotions still raw in spite of the tears she had left on the road from Colorado.

Nothing had changed in her old house. Trailer. Whatever. It certainly wasn't a home. Not like she had found with Ezra. First in his camper, then on his ranch.

Her phone buzzed again. She should have turned it off, but she had deserved the punishment of seeing the texts and missed calls from Chris, then Buck, then Vin, and Josiah. She hadn't answered any of them. They were Ezra's friends. One more thing she had lost when her lies had destroyed everything with Ezra.

She didn't have any tears left, but her throat ached more painfully. She managed a shallow breath and opened the truck door. She hopped down, forgetting the near constant dizziness and reaching out a hand to steady herself. When the ground was steady again under her feet, she straightened and let go of Ezra's truck.

Making her way over the overgrown yard, Kaylee approached the rickety stairs. Too tired to fight the inevitable, she made it to the door and knocked.

She swallowed hard, waiting for an answer. Knocked again, louder.

She finally heard movement in the trailer. The door opened and Tammy Rawlings stood there.

She stared at Kaylee, unblinking. Kaylee's breath was caught inside a tight chest.

And then Tammy opened her arms and pulled Kaylee into a tight embrace.

"Kaitlin," she said.

Everything Kaylee had held in tight control for the past eight hours pressed against the feel of her mother hugging her, Tammy's too-thin arms secure around her shoulders, the familiar smell of alcohol and cigarettes and cheap perfume all mixed together. Kaylee gripped her mother back.

"Hi, Mom," she managed say.

Tammy let Kaylee go and looked at her. "You came home," she said, her fingers digging into Kaylee's shoulders.

Kaylee couldn't find an answer.

"Where's that man of yours?" Tammy asked, looking around Kaylee out into the dark night. "The one with the money?"

Kaylee tried not to curl into herself to shield herself against the pain the mention of Ezra brought.

"He's…" Kaylee didn't know what to say. "It's not…" Her voice sounded strangled and distant to her own ears.

Tammy let out a heavy sigh. "Figures. You landing someone with that kind of money was too good to last."

Kaylee didn't want to think about Ezra's money. She wanted to scream that she didn't care about Ezra's money, she never had. Instead she bit down on her lips hard enough that tears stung her eyes.

"Well, it's just you then. You get anything from him before things fell apart?"

Kaylee shook her head. Nothing but debt. She wasn't going to pretend she didn't owe Ezra anything. She'd pay back every cent she'd taken, no matter how long it took.

"Might as well come in," Tammy said, stepping away from Kaylee and going back over to a still lit cigarette in an ash tray. She picked it up and settled back onto the sagging couch, her attention going back to the television. "Your room's in the same place you left it," she said.

Kaylee nodded, even though Tammy's attention wasn't on her anymore. She stepped back outside, going to Ezra's truck and pulling her duffel bag from the back. She went back into the house, biting her tongue when she saw the glass of brandy Tammy held with her cigarette. At least it was just liquor. She didn't see any pill bottles or baggies lying out. Tammy didn't seem any more than just buzzed.

Kaylee made her way down the narrow hall to the bedroom that had been hers. The one she had sworn she would never sleep in again. She had vowed she'd never set foot in this trailer again.

She dropped her bag near the closet and fell face first on the bed. The pain of losing Ezra was physical, a vise squeezing the air from her, a burning ache that only grew the longer she was away from him. And it was all her fault.

She grabbed the pillow and buried her head under it, wishing she could drown the memories as easily as she did the sound coming from the other room.

#

JD didn't understand what was going on. Buck had called Chris as JD was getting ready to drive Nettie and Casey home. Next thing JD knew, Chris was speaking in low tones to Josiah, Vin's face was creased with worry, and Rain's grandfather was offering to take Nettie and Casey home so JD could go over to Ezra's with the others.

JD couldn't hear much of what Chris was saying to Vin in the front seat of the truck. He just caught phrases like "left him" followed by "kicked out" and Chris' expression growing grimmer by the minute.

When they pulled up at Ezra's, Buck was standing on the porch. He quickly descended the stairs and crossed the driveway to them.

"He's gone," he said, an agitated hand going to tug at his mustache.

JD caught himself before he asked a stupid question. He was clearly missing out on the details the others had, but he wasn't going to shine a light on his lack of knowledge and make them all aware of how much younger and inexperienced he was.

"I thought you said Kaylee left," Chris said.

"She did," Buck said. He flung a hand toward the house like they would be able to see the scene that had unfolded. "Had a bag all packed and got in the truck and drove off. Cryin' like her heart was breaking."

"Then why'd she leave?" JD asked before he could stop himself. That didn't make any sense. Anyone could see how much Kaylee and Ezra loved each other. There was no reason for her to walk out.

"I don't think it was her call," Buck said.

Vin cursed softly.

"Yeah," Buck said.

"Do you know where she went?" Chris asked.

Buck shook his head.

"And Ezra?"

Buck threw his hands up, clearly at a loss and frustrated by his helplessness. "Denver? Vegas? Timbuktu? He didn't look like he was thinking straight."

When no one said anything immediately, JD burst out. "We gotta find them! They can't just—just leave each other!"

Josiah's voice was heavy. "They can."

JD spluttered. They had to go after them. Find Kaylee, find Ezra. It was like a thread in their family quilt was loose, unraveling, and JD was terrified what that could mean. What could happen to the family he had found if it was so easy for them to lose two of the members.

"Let's get to work," Chris said. "Get these animals taken care of. Buck and I can do the chores over here tomorrow morning. We'll cover it until Ezra turns up."

The men all seemed sure Ezra was going to come back home eventually. It terrified JD that no one mentioned Kaylee coming back.

#

Kaylee picked up her phone and looked at the text. Another terse message from Chris. In the two days since she had been back home with her mom, she had gotten a handful of texts from Nathan, Josiah, Casey, even Nettie. Vin had left her concerned voicemails, asking her to call him and at least let him know she was safe.

But there hadn't been a single call or text from Ezra. She felt like throwing up.

Kaylee shoved her phone away without responding to Chris.

Tammy looked up from her own phone. "Is that—"

"No," Kaylee answered before her mother could finish the question. Tammy seemed to still hold out hope that Ezra—and his money—would come back into Kaylee's life.

Tammy sighed. Then perked up slightly. "Cletus texted. Said he'd bring over some stuff for me later." She looked up at Kaylee again. "Said you can pay him more while he's here."

Kaylee grit her teeth together. She pushed back from the tiny dinette table. The room spun and she grabbed for the back of her chair.

Tammy's eyes narrowed. Kaylee quickly caught her balance. "I don't…" How was she supposed to tell Cletus she didn't have any money for him? It had been Ezra's money and that was gone now. She closed her eyes and fought for a breath, tried to speak past the tightness in her throat that thoughts of Ezra brought. "I'll be back later. Tell Cletus…tell him I'll pay him soon."

She needed money. She wasn't free. She had to get money or Cletus would make good on his threat to get her mom thrown in jail for drugs and dealing, or he would get Kaylee arrested for selling those drugs.

She went to the small room with its uncomfortable, lonely bed and the duffel bag she couldn't yet bring herself to unpack. She took the keys—Ezra's keys—from the nightstand and stuck her feet into her old, worn boots. She looked at the boots Ezra had given her. The only thing she had taken from her bag. Custom made with the initials she wanted to be hers stitched onto the side. KS. Kaylee Standish. She wanted to still be Kaylee Standish so badly it was a physical ache.

She turned away from the gift and hurried out past her mom. She got in the truck that was Ezra's. It was a slap in the face to have to take it from him. To have to still use it. She'd have to figure out how to get it back to him. And how to get her own vehicle.

She pulled out onto the highway and headed toward town. Trying to fit back into a life that she had fought to get away from.

#

Fury.

There was no other word for it.

Ezra tossed back another drink and slammed his glass down on the table, red still clouding his vision after two days. It wasn't anger. No, he was several knotted muscles and too many drinks beyond anger. Pure fury was all he felt.

"Another drink, sir?" the personal bartender for the private game in the hotel suite asked.

"No." Ezra may have been drinking as a distraction, but he wasn't drinking to numb the pain. It was too intense for any amount of alcohol to dull.

He tossed down his cards, folding. Just like he had folded—given up—on the sham of a marriage with Kaylee.

His fury wasn't with her. He didn't blame her one bit. His bank accounts made him an appealing target. He knew that. He was the one who had been foolish enough to believe her act of innocence. Just a naïve cowgirl on the barrel racing circuit who had fallen on hard times, then fallen in love with him. Ezra snorted. He knew better now. And that's why his fury was directed inward. At the way he had let himself be played.

"I'm calling it a night, gentleman," Ezra said. He motioned to the butler to deal with his money.

He left the quiet of the private room and private game, stepping out into the hallway outside the presidential suite. It was silent, the lights in the richly appointed hallway coming from ornate sconces on the wall.

Ezra's shoes didn't make a sound on the plush carpeting. His room was down the hall. He pulled his key card from his pocket. He paused.

He didn't want to open the door. The thought of another night in the hotel room—alone—was even worse than the thought of being at his house alone.

He thought of the hotel he and Kaylee had stayed in while in Vegas. This spur of the moment trip to Los Angeles hadn't been far enough to lose the memories. Everything in this hotel only brought back memories of the hotel in Vegas. The one Kaylee hadn't been comfortable in. The one they had left to go back to staying in the travel trailer. And then there was the motel in Texas. The one they had honeymooned in.

Ezra dropped his head against the unopened door to his room. He slammed a hand against the door.

Why couldn't he get her out of his head? She had burned him. She had used him, taken his money, and treated him like a fool. There was no reason for him to be thinking about her still.

Except that he still loved her.

And that made him an even bigger fool than falling for her in the first place had.

#