Guest- Thank you so very much for reading and leaving a review! It makes me so happy to find out people are reading what I post. :) And LuvReading, MusesOwnMyMind- thank you both for reading and reviewing! There have been many times I've thought I should abandon one (or all, lol) of my stories and then get a review from a guest or regular reader and it's so reassuring to know there are readers for my stories. :) So thank you to everyone who takes the time to read! And thank you, Guest, for letting me know the formatting was all messes up when I posted this chapter. I am beyond flattered that you read it with the goofy formatting! Hopefully that's all fixed now.

Chapter 48

"You're a damn idiot, you know that?"

Ezra opened his eyes. Chris Larabee loomed over him blocking out the blue sky, hands on hips, staring down at him.

"As always, your words are like a salve to the wounded, Mr. Larabee," Ezra wheezed out, his chest aching with even the movement of breathing.

Chris cussed and squatted down next to Ezra. "You need an ambulance?"

"Just leave me alone to die in peace," Ezra said, closing his eyes. But he tested his limbs one by one. His left shoulder ached fiercely, but he could move it well enough. He thought of Kaylee's dislocated shoulder, the way she had asked for him in the emergency room. How he had held her hand while the doctor had set the bone back into the joint.

"Are you dying?" Chris asked, sounding fairly unconcerned by the possibility.

"Unfortunately, no." Ezra grit his teeth against the memories. Even in pain and halfway sedated with narcotics while getting a dislocated shoulder fixed, Kaylee had been able to keep up her act. She really deserved an Oscar. And the money she had stolen from him.

Ezra let Chris help him sit up. He bit back a groan at the movement.

It took him longer than he would have liked with the audience of bull riders looking on to gain his feet, but he made it with minimal assistance.

"When did you get here?" Ezra asked.

Chris stayed close enough for Ezra to grab if he lost his balance.

"Just in time to see you trying to break your neck," Chris answered.

"And what, may I ask, are you doing here?" Ezra asked, ignoring Chris' comment.

"Not settin' out to get myself killed," Chris said.

"If that's what I was doing, then I failed miserably. Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm in one piece."

Chris snorted.

Ezra ran the back of his hand against his nose and wasn't surprised to see the red streaks there.

"Your nose feel broke?" Chris asked.

Ezra felt it experimentally. "No."

He took the handkerchief Chris tossed him and used it to clean the blood as best he could.

"Did you prove whatever it was you were trying to prove?" Chris asked.

Had he proved he couldn't be hurt any worse than when Kaylee—Kaitlin, he corrected himself, Kaitlin Lee Rawlings—had played him for a fool? Proved he really was the biggest fool to ever walk the earth?

"Come on, Ezra," Rookman called. "There's an ice pack or two waiting in the house for you."

Ezra waved his acknowledgement to the stock contractor. He turned back to Chris. "I hope you fare better on your rides than I did."

Chris snorted, a clear statement of what he thought of Ezra's attempted ride. Ezra turned to go.

"Ezra," Chris stopped him.

Ezra turned, holding back the grimace that any movement elicited.

"Killin' yourself ain't going to change anything. It don't bring anyone back."

Ezra knew the hard-earned experience that Chris spoke from. He wouldn't belittle the man's losses by waving off the concern under those words.

"No, it doesn't," he agreed. "But it makes it hurt a hell of a lot less, doesn't it, Mr. Larabee?"

Chris frowned, but didn't argue.

Ezra turned away again, this time letting his face fall from the carefully held composure.

He had lost the life he hadn't known he had wanted. And now, what was left was a sorry existence.

#

Vin hadn't had any more luck in town than he had the previous three times he had been there. An afternoon at the small public library, trying to look up past rodeo articles, Nebraska public records, anything that might tell him where Kaylee had gone. And still he had no idea. How could he know someone, count her as one of the closest friends he'd ever had, and not know a single thing about her?

p Vin tried not to think about her being on her own. Scared. Desperate. Running. Hurt by Ezra.

He opened the door to his and Buck's bunkhouse and tossed his keys aside, toed off his boots, and thought about how good an ice pack would feel right about now. His ribs ached something fierce.

" He shrugged out of his jacket, muscling past the pain that movement brought and tossed the coat on the back of the couch. Then froze.

"Hello," the woman in his kitchen said.

"Howdy," Vin said slowly.

" The woman gave him a smile, then went back to chopping vegetables. "You must be Vin," she said.

Vin knew the women Buck kept company with in town. He didn't recognize this woman.

This pregnant woman.

She moved easily around the kitchen. Vin's mind spun, not able to come up with a scenario that had Buck and this woman-a woman who looked more down to earth than any buckle bunny who had ever sidled up to Buck-in any sort of domestic set up.

Had Buck hired a housekeeper? Vin picked up his jacket and hung it on the hook near the door. He nudged off his boots and made sure they were off to the side of the door.

The bathroom door opened and Buck came out, toweling off his damp hair before tossing the towel aside, the towel missing the chair and falling to the floor. His clothes were clean. Buck didn't usually clean up after evening chores.

"Hey, Vin," Buck smiled. His grin stretched wide and whatever was going on, Buck was clearly delighted by it.

"Hi," Vin said. He looked from Buck to the woman. Back to Buck. He felt fuzzier than he had after knocking his head in the truck wreck.

Buck's face fell into a frown when he saw the woman in the kitchen. Vin wondered if he was about to see a fight. Was this woman crazy? Had she been stalking Buck? It wouldn't be the first time it had happened.

"What are you doin' cooking? I told you I'd take you out."

The lady pursed her lips slightly and slid a glance at Buck. "And I told emyou/em that this is nothing more than me moving in as a roommate. A cook and housekeeper in exchange for a room."

Buck moved closer to her. "Darlin'," he crooned.

She smacked him with the wooden spoon in her hand.

"Ow!"Buck rubbed at his upper arm where the spoon had connected.

Vin edged backward toward the door, still unsure what he had walked into and very sure he didn't want to be in the middle of whatever it was.

"Where you goin', Vin?" Buck asked.

"I'll just, uh…" Vin rubbed the back of his neck and glanced at the woman before quickly darting his gaze to the ground. "Think I'll head into town. Get something at the café."

His hand was already on the doorknob when Buck stopped him.

"The café?" Buck said, incredulous. "You just got back from town."

"I don't want to interrupt," Vin said. He managed a bit of a grin for Buck's lady friend.

"You're not interrupting anything," the woman said firmly. She set down the wooden spoon and came out from behind the counter. "I'm Inez," she said, holding out a hand.

"Vin," Vin said in response, taking her hand in a brief handshake before stepping back, feeling even more uncertain. Then understanding dawned. "Inez," he said. "Inez from Vegas."

She blinked at him in surprise.

"Buck's been talkin' about you since we pulled out of Vegas," Vin explained. He tucked his hands into his pockets, ignoring the pull on his injured ribs.

Inez looked at Buck curiously, but then back at Vin. "The last thing I want to do is chase you out of your own home," she said firmly. "Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes."

She gave Buck another look and went back to the kitchen.

"Thanks for that, buddy," Buck said under his breath.

Vin couldn't take his eyes off the woman in the kitchen. Off the small bump that told of…

"You're having…she's…" He wasn't sure how to phrase it. Buck as a dad was too far from anything Vin had ever contemplated.

"How about that?" Buck asked, a wide grin splitting his face. Clearly Vin didn't have to ask him how he felt about a baby. "I'm going to give Inez a hand," he said.

Vin watched as Buck set plates on the table, then went rummaging through the kitchen drawers until he produced a couple mismatched candles. He set them on the table, then found matches and lit them. He dimmed the lights.

Inez calmly went to the table and blew out the candles before depositing them in the sink and turning the lights back up. She went back to her meal preparation at the counter.

Undeterred, Buck took a nearly wilted poinsettia—the sum of their holiday décor so far—and moved it to the table before going for silverware to lay out.

Inez plucked the potted plant from the table and set it back on the coffee table.

Buck scanned the small living room and kitchen. His eyes landed on a clean bedsheet waiting to be folded and put away. He shook it out with a flourish and moved toward the table with his makeshift tablecloth.

"Hey, Buck," Vin said. "Why don't I give you a hand clearing some space for Inez' things in the closet." He took the sheet from Buck's hands and set it aside on the back of a chair.

Buck hesitated, then nodded. "Yeah. That's a good idea." He turned to Inez. "Vin and I'll get my—your—room set up real comfortable-like for you."

Inez gave Vin a small smile of thanks as he shepherded Buck from the room.

#

Kaylee shoved the housekeeping cart into the closet behind the motel registration desk. She paused, gripping the edge of the cart to keep her balance. She waited for the dizziness to pass. She just had to make it out to the truck and she could go home and lie down. Put another miserable day behind her.

And get ready for another miserable day tomorrow.

She took a steadying breath, wishing the combination of a piercing headache and the dizziness didn't make her feel like throwing up. She let go of the cart, closed the closet door and looked around the registration area for anything out of place.

She flipped the office sign to closed and locked the door behind her, pocketing the keys.

She automatically scanned the parking lot for Cletus or his car, but the lot was deserted, save for the two guest cars parked near their rooms and one local unloading their laundry near the attached laundromat.

Her eyes kept darting to her rearview mirror, but the road was empty, no one else venturing out in the December dark and cold.

She heaved a sigh of relief that there weren't any unfamiliar cars parked in front of the trailer. She dragged herself up the front steps, avoiding the uneven one that felt like it might give way if she stepped on it fully.

Inside wasn't much warmer than outside. Kaylee glanced at the frayed curtains covering the living room window. She watched them move lightly in the draft coming through the windows. She made a mental note to get some plastic to cover the windows for the winter.

Tammy was pulling a frozen meal from the freezer. She glanced over at Kaylee.

"You want one?" she asked.

Kaylee didn't drop her keys near the door. She would make sure to put them securely in room rather than risk giving Tammy access to Ezra's expensive truck. "Sure," she told her mom.

She made her way to her room, kicking off her shoes, pulling off the sweatshirt and jeans that smelled like bleach and cleaning sprays and trading it for a fleece and sweatpants. Warm clothes that Ezra had purchased for her. She squeezed her eyes shut. She just wanted to be able to close the door on the memories. Thoughts of Ezra. Knowing what love had felt like.

She made her way back out to the living room, grabbing onto the back of the sagging couch when the room tilted.

She held her grip, fighting to stay upright, taking slow breaths, fighting the nausea and the headache.

When the wave of dizziness lessened, she opened her eyes. Tammy was staring at her, a hard look on her worn face. But she didn't say anything, just set their microwaved meals on the table.

Kaylee avoided looking at her mom and dropped into a chair, pulling the plastic from the top of her meal.

They ate in silence. Finally Tammy spoke.

"I had headaches when I was pregnant with you. Dizzy all the time, too."

"What?" Kaylee looked up from the meal she was picking at. Her mom's abrupt comment didn't make any sense.

"Your headaches," Tammy said, lips thinning into a line of frustration. "Acting like you got the spins."

"What are you talking about?" Kaylee asked, too exhausted to follow along with whatever her mom was saying. She wanted nothing more than to go to bed and end another day.

"I swear, Kaitlin," Tammy snapped, reaching for her pack of cigarettes on the table. She shook one out with jerky movements and lit it. "You've never been the sharpest tool in the shed, but are you really this dumb?" She reached for the pill bottle next to her lighter next, twisting the top off and plucking a pill from the bottle.

Kaylee swallowed hard. Any appetite she had was gone. She could go to her room and burrow under the blankets now.

"You let that rich cowboy knock you up and kick you out." Tammy's words were blunt, nothing but anger and disapproval on her face.

Her mother wasn't making any sense. Kaylee started to shake her head, but the pain stopped her.

"You've been dragging around here since you moved home. It don't take a genius to figure it out."

"It's stress," Kaylee whispered automatically, just like she had for the last few months any time Ezra questioned her. But this time the words rang hollow, like someone else was saying them.

Dread knotted in a hard ball in her stomach.

Tammy snorted. "Stress? What've you got to be stressed about? You got a house here, a fancy truck, probably have money you're holdin' back from that husband you had."

Kaylee couldn't answer. Couldn't get her voice to work.

"It was the same way when I got knocked up. My head would just about kill me. Thought I would fall over with how dizzy I was." She let out a snort and lit her cigarette. "That bum left me on my own, too. Just like that fancy husband did with you."

Kaylee's mind spun back over the past months. Her cycle had never been regular. It wasn't like it was unusual for her to miss a period for months at a time. That didn't mean she was pregnant. She wasn't pregnant.

"Maybe you can call him." Tammy's voice lit up, her disgust pushed back with some knew idea lighting up her face. "Tell him you need money. Child support. It ain't like he can't afford it."

Kaylee's breath came faster. But she couldn't get a full breath in. Her stomach had been rounding. But only a little. And she had chalked that slight change to her eating habits. Eating better once she moved in with Ezra. Then the processed food Tammy favored. Her fingers moved toward her abdomen, then abruptly jerked away without making contact.

"I'm not—I can't—" She wasn't calling Ezra. She wasn't pregnant. She couldn't be. She couldn't—couldn't—she couldn't breathe.

Kaylee clutched at her chest.

"Well you're gonna have to figure something out," Tammy said, pushing her chair back and heading to the cabinet for her vodka.

Kaylee risked loosening her grip on the edge of the table and the world didn't collapse around her without that little bit of support. She stood up and stumbled backward a step.

She wasn't. She wasn't. She couldn't be.

The words repeated through her head, not leaving room for considering anything else. There was no way. She couldn't be. She wasn't.

Kaylee stumbled the few steps to her room, shutting her door, shutting out everything Tammy had said.

She grit her teeth together.

She wasn't. She couldn't be.

She let the words circle around until she could almost believe them. And if she couldn't believe them, at least she could just pretend Tammy had never said anything.

Pretend everything hadn't just been tipped upside down and set back up in a new, unrecognizable reality.

#

Ezra stared out the dark windows of Dean Rookman's spacious home. His drink sat on the table next to his luxurious leather recliner, untouched.

"What you're lookin' for ain't out there," Chris said.

Ezra flinched at the sudden intrusion into the dark place his thoughts had taken him. He dragged himself back from going over memories of moments with Kaylee, trying to find some hint of what she really was, how he had missed seeing it.

"And what am I looking for, Mr. Larabee?" Ezra asked easily, picking up his drink and taking a sip.

Chris picked up the bottle Ezra had poured from and read the label without expression before setting it back down.

"Maybe I should've said 'who' you're lookin' for," Chris said. He picked up one of the empty glasses on the wet bar and poured a finger of whiskey.

The rest of the bullriders had rooms at one of the hotels in town, or were bunking in the bunkhouse where they took their meals during Dean's unofficial winter training camp for the bulls and riders. But Chris' friendship with Ezra and relationship with Mary gave him a proximity to Dean the other men didn't have. One that Chris never took advantage of, but did give him a welcome into the stock contractor's home.

Ezra took a longer drink rather than responding.

"Did you know Mary heard about Kaylee before she started up riding our circuit?" Chris asked.

Hearing her name out loud made the hot poker of pain burn more fiercely.

"I have no doubt her reputation preceded her if she was conning men on other circuits," Ezra said as if that knowledge didn't make him a bigger fool. And as if thinking of Kaylee with other men didn't gut him like a fish.

"Ezra, you're the biggest fool I've ever met," Chris snapped.

"On that we agree," Ezra said, lifting his glass in a toast.

Chris' patience was clearly spent, something Ezra was quite familiar with in their interactions. Chris slammed his glass down without taking a drink and leaned forward.

"Kaylee had all sorts of problems when she was riding up in the Dakotas. Rough characters following her to rodeos. Mary said security had to get between her and these men a few times."

Ezra's immediate instinct was to fly out of his chair and track his wife down right then. Not stop until he saw her with his own eyes and made sure she was safe. Fought off anyone who threatened her.

He curled his fingers into the denim of his jeans, physically holding himself in place. And then schooled his face, made his breathing follow the act of feigned coolness.

He reminded himself that name Chris spoke was for someone that didn't exist. Had never existed.

"I've seen that ploy a time or two," Ezra said, forcing his fingers to uncurl and picking up his drink again. "I've used it myself. Highly effective. Hire a couple of thugs to show up and threaten you and suddenly you have sympathy, protection, and everyone's trust. No one suspects you're actually the villain. Kaitlin Lee Rawlings is gifted at her trade, one has to admit that." He took a long drink, trying to wash the bitter taste of speaking her real name from his mouth.

Chris' eyes were hard and Ezra had no doubt that look was for him, not Ezra's ne'er do well con-woman of a wife.

"Not everyone is like you," Chris said.

"And not every wife and child is going to die, but that doesn't seem to keep you from making sure Mary and her son don't get a full commitment from you," Ezra lashed out.

Too far.

Ezra saw the shift in Chris' face to a look he had never seen before. He braced himself for the blow that would be coming. It wouldn't be the first time he deserved it.

But Chris just stood. He took his glass over to the wet bar and emptied it. Set it aside with motions so controlled, Ezra expected the glass to shatter in the man's hand.

"I'll be heading home today," Chris said. No question if Ezra was coming home soon. No suggestion that he return home. Just the low parting announcement and Chris was gone, a door slamming behind him on his way out of the house.

Ezra sat in the ringing silence. He was more than just an idiot for letting Kaylee fool him. He was incapable of getting any kind of a relationship right. Friendships, marriage- it didn't matter what it was, Ezra had no idea how to be the person other people needed him to be. No idea how to be anything but who Maude had made him into.

#