Guest, LuvReading, and FireandBlood, thank you all so much for being so nice to leave reviews on the last chapter! It was really kind of you, and so exciting to post and have comments!

Sorry for the long pause between chapters. I know you said this story is moving too slowly, Guest, and I spent a lot of time questioning my writing and this story. There are like 5 or 6 storylines going on to divide the among the chapters. I really enjoy telling the story from multiple viewpoints, and also giving Vin and Chris and Buck their own plot lines. I appreciate you reading and hope you'll enjoy. Things have been a little bit on pause for Ezra and Kaylee because of their distance, but there are changes coming in the next couple chapters. :)

Chapter 57

Kaylee didn't sleep. The motel bed's hard mattress was as uncomfortable as her mattress at home, but that wasn't what kept her tossing and turning. At one point she had even got out of bed and padded over to the door, thinking she should go knock on Vin's door and talk to him.

But then she had thought of the shame in his eyes, the way he had hardly been able to look at her. The last thing she wanted to do was to make him face her when it clearly was uncomfortable for him. Besides, what was she going to do? Ask him to stay? To keep putting his life back in Colorado on hold to make beds in some no account motel in Nebraska with her? In exchange for what? A friendship that clearly wasn't what he really wanted and a sagging couch in a trailer to sleep on.

So she went back to the bed and pulled the covers more tightly around her, knowing he was going to leave in the morning and she'd be on her own again.

She dozed off as the night started lightening to a gray predawn and slept fitfully. When she woke, the sun coming through the window was anemic.

She forced herself out of bed. Another day. Except this day would be the one where she lost Vin. She couldn't close her eyes and keep pretending she still had a piece of her life with Ezra and the others left.

A quiet knock sounded on her door.

"You awake?" came Vin's gentle voice.

She didn't want to think about how she had hurt the soft-spoken man who had done nothing but be a good friend to her.

She opened the door.

Vin didn't look like he had slept much better than her.

"Are you…?" she started to ask, but then couldn't bring herself to say the words and ask if he was still leaving. When he was leaving.

Vin looked down at the ground like he was gathering his thoughts. When he looked up, he met her eyes briefly before looking away. "You should come back with me. Back to Ezra. Where you belong."

Back to Ezra. To the man she had destroyed with her lies. The man she had stolen from. The man she lived with, married, and never told her real name.

She wanted nothing more than to be with Ezra. But she couldn't do that to Ezra.

She squeezed her hands into fists, wanting them to hurt enough to distract her from the painful lump in her throat.

"I…I can't." The words barely managed to wedge past the painful knot.

Tears blurred her vision and she looked down, biting her lip. Anything to keep the sob that threatened from sliding out. She looked back up at Vin.

"Then I'll stay," Vin said.

But Kaylee could see what the words cost him. How it would kill him to stay with her, taking care of her like they were friends and he didn't want anything more. The lines around his mouth. The way his eyes were filled with pain.

"Vin," she started, the refusal there already.

He could hear it, she could tell.

"You need someone. You shouldn't be doin' this alone."

It wasn't anything he hadn't already told her.

"You can't stay." Those words hurt worse than anything she had ever had to say. She couldn't bring herself to say why. They both knew why.

She forced herself to meet his eyes again. He knew why. He quickly looked away.

"I can't just leave you like this," Vin said.

Kaylee shook her head. This part was easy. Convincing herself she would be fine. She just wouldn't think about anything beyond today and then she'd be fine. She had to be fine.

Even if it killed her.

"I've been on my own a long time," she reminded him quietly.

From the quick lines that crossed his forehead, she knew that wasn't reassuring. She could practically see him thinking back to when he had first met her. When she had first met Ezra, after losing her truck and trailer. The time he had found her drunk in a biker bar trying to forget about Ezra. When he had first seen her with her here mom and nearly out of food and heat in the middle of winter. Yeah. She had been doing great on her own for a very long time.

"You need to get home. Your home," she forced herself to say. "Buck's going to be a dad soon. And Chris is counting on you to work the horses. He can't get them all ready for jackpots and sales on his own. And the rodeo season is going to be starting again soon…" her voice trailed off, the knot choking off the words when she realized she wouldn't be on the circuit this year. She'd be staying put right where she said she'd never be again. She cleared her throat, but it came out more like a strangled cry. She collected herself. "And I still have Alcott and Barney there." She trusted Buck to look after them, but she could only imagine how distracted he must be with his pretty waitress from Vegas and a coming baby in his life. And Chris would look after them, but with how she knew he felt about her, she didn't think he'd go beyond the bare necessities.

Vin's lips were pressed together.

"Can you please take care of Alcott and Barney? Make sure they're…they're ok?"

Vin looked like he was going to argue again. Kaylee pressed her own lips together. She couldn't cry. Not right now. She needed Vin to see she was fine. She could take care of herself. He needed to go back home and move on with his life. They all did.

She blinked quickly against he hot tears pushing against her lids.

She knew he didn't mean it, but he also couldn't hide the quick flash of relief when he nodded. Distance from her would be a relief for him. And she didn't blame him. Not after the way he had laid his heart out in front of her and she had rejected it. Rejected him.

"Tell Buck congratulations," she said, the forced cheerfulness ringing hollow and false.

Vin nodded, swallowing hard.

"And thank Chris for boarding Alcott. I'll pay him back." After she paid off Cletus.

"I'll take care of your horse and dog," Vin said. "I paid ahead for another tank of propane. It'll be there for you, whenever you need it." Kaylee started to shake her head, but Vin kept his gaze fixed over her shoulder, clearly pushing to get through this goodbye. "I'm gonna send you money for groceries, the electric bill. Use it for whatever you need." She stopped herself from saying anything when his voice broke slightly. She wasn't going to make this any harder for him.

"Thank you," she whispered hoarsely. How was she supposed to thank him for being the best friend she ever had? When she had repaid him so horribly?

"I should get goin'," he said. "You have your keys? You can drive the truck?" he moved his chin slightly toward Ezra's truck, still parked in the lot where Kaylee had left it since he first arrived.

Kaylee nodded. Tried to look like she had it all under control. He didn't need to worry about her.

His eyes dropped to her midsection. The lines around his mouth deepened. "You call. If you need anything—anything—you call."

"I will," she lied.

Vin looked at her then. Kaylee lifted one side of her mouth in an attempt at a reassuring smile, but it was tight like a grimace. She quickly let her lips fall back where they were. She took a step toward Vin, intending to hug him. She had barely moved when she saw him tense. His eyes darted aside. She stopped. Dropped her arms quickly to her side. Right. No hug goodbye. Bad idea.

"Take care of yourself," Vin said. "Take care of both of you." He looked at her midsection again.

She nodded. Pretended she didn't feel the tiny movements that were growing more frequent every day—the small prodding of a foot, or repositioning of a tiny body.

"Drive safe," she said lamely.

Vin's lips tightened. He shook his head slightly, like he couldn't believe he was doing this, and started toward his truck.

Kaylee stood in the doorway of the motel room, the bitter wind picking up, stinging her cheeks, as she watched him pull out of the parking lot.

His truck headed down the highway until it was nothing more then a dot. Then it was gone.

Kaylee let the wind attack her. Her hands went numb. Her lips were dry and her teeth start chattering.

When a car pulled into the lot and parked in front of a room at the end, a man and woman got out, pulling two kids from carseats in the backseat. They looked at her curiously, but headed toward their room, unlocking the door and heading inside.

Kaylee pulled the door closed behind her. She ducked her head against the bitter wind and went to get the housekeeping cart and start her day.

#

Chris smiled at Billy. The kid was always bouncing around, endless energy. His exuberance rang of the walls. Something Chris' house was sorely missing.

"Are we gonna go on a honeymoon after the wedding?" Billy was asking.

Mary laughed lightly. "How do you know about honeymoons?"

"Grandma Evie's show."

Mary laughed again. When Chris looked at her in question, she explained. "The soap opera she watches."

Chris had a hard time picturing staid, serious Orrin Travis married to someone who watched soap operas. He watched Mary gently tousle Billy's hair and press a kiss to the top of his head. He shouldn't judge. He supposed someone would look at him and never guess a woman like Mary would be his wife.

"Can we get married tomorrow?" Billy asked. He looked at Chris. "Mom said we're moving to your ranch after we get married. And then I can ride the horses every day."

Chris chuckled. He hadn't laughed this easily since Adam had been in his life. And maybe not even then. Because he hadn't realized how precious and fragile a gift family really was. Not until he lost them.

The warmth in his chest grew when Billy clamored up into his lap and wrapped his arms around Chris' neck and pressed his face in close to him. "We should get married tomorrow."

Chris nodded like he was considering the suggestion. "Well, you know, Cowboy, I'd marry your mom today. But I don't think it would be the kind of a wedding she deserves. It takes women a real long time to put together the kind of wedding they always dreamed of."

Billy frowned slightly but nodded, trusting whatever Chris said.

"I don't need a fancy wedding."

Chris looked over at Mary.

The softness on her face when she looked at Billy remained when she met Chris' eyes. "I had that already." She shook her head slightly. "I don't need another big, fancy wedding. We could say our vows tomorrow."

Chris didn't say anything. He narrowed his eyes slightly, wondering if Mary was really suggesting what he thought she was. What he hoped she was.

"Tomorrow," Mary said. "Tomorrow would be a good day to get married."

"Tomorrow," Chris said slowly.

"Unless you need more time to choose flowers and find something to wear?" Mary said, teasing curving her lips.

"You shouldn't get a man's hopes up," Chris said.

"Unless I plan to follow through on it," she countered.

"And you plan to?" he asked.

Mary smiled at him, no wedding jitters evident in her mellow expression. "I'll call Orrin and let him know he has a wedding to officiate tomorrow. He should still be legal after that stint as a judge in his younger days."

"Tomorrow?" Billy asked, swinging his head between Mary and Chris. "We're getting married tomorrow?"

Chris' arm tucked Billy in more securely against his side. "We're gettin' married tomorrow."

Billy' s whoop echoed through the house and Chris was half tempted to echo one after him.

#

Ezra appreciated that Maude didn't relish goodbyes any more than he did. A simple farewell, without fanfare or tears was their style. It didn't matter if they would be seeing one another soon, or months later, no need for theatrics. Save those for a good mark.

"Thank you for your hospitality," Ezra said.

"Of course," Maude said. "It was lovely seeing you."

Ezra knew that wasn't true. Not when he and she both knew the visit hadn't accomplished the goal of freeing him from his feelings for Kaylee. But he'd just have to live with that. And without her.

When had he become so maudlin? He forced himself to pick up his bags like they were the only weight he carried and head out the door into the Arizona heat.

He put his luggage in the backseat of his truck. Maybe the drive would dull some of the emotion. There was still hope he could leave at least some of his attachment to Kaylee behind.

It was New Years Day and he wasn't succeeding at his one and only resolution so far.

He wasn't in any hurry to get home, but also didn't relish the thought of staying in an unfamiliar place tonight. He'd make the fourteen hour drive today.

Two meal breaks, several gas stops, one unfortunate construction detour, and an unending Taylor Swift playlist later, and Ezra was easing his truck past Chris' driveway and toward his own.

This time he was prepared for the empty house. He knew better than to even consider sleeping in the room he had shared with Kaylee. And yet he found himself climbing the stairs with his bags and pushing open the door to the room that was filled with memories of her.

He steeled himself. He was tired enough he didn't change out of his clothes, didn't pull the covers back on the bed, just fell down on the covers, closed his eyes, and dreamed of everything he had lost.

#

Vin drove without stopping until he was well over the border into Colorado. Leaving Nebraska behind like it had never happened.

But it wasn't Nebraska that seemed like a dream. It was Colorado. Everything that had happened in Nebraska had felt real.

Kaylee at his side.

Seeing her pregnancy.

His feelings for her. He tightened his hold on the steering wheel of his truck and forced himself to keep breathing.

What had he been thinking? Making things harder for her by letting her know how he felt. Selfish. Selfish and stupid. She had enough on her plate between what he had seen of her ma, some guy making her nervous, a job that was wearing her down physically. Not to mention a baby on the way.

He'd give anything to be there for her. For her and her baby. He didn't care if it meant tearing apart the friendship he had with Ezra. Ezra was the one who was acting the fool.

The loneliness that would sometimes come in, that had chased him through his youth, started to take hold in earnest.

He had crossed the border into Colorado hours ago, planning to avoid Denver by skirting to the north of the city.

He couldn't go home. Back to the bunkhouse he shared with Buck. Now, Buck and Inez. Chris in his house with Mary coming and going. Nathan coming out to the ranch with Rain.

The loneliness was a hollow ache in his chest. An empty hole that had been filled with the men he had grown to call brothers, then Nettie Wells and Casey, Mary. And finally Kaylee. But none of that was a comfort now. Not when he had left Kaylee alone in Nebraska. He had made sure to prepay for more than a winter's worth of propane for her before he left. Had gone online on his phone and transferred money to her for groceries and gas. He may not be able to face her, but he wasn't about to let her keep struggling on her own.

It wasn't much comfort in the silence of his truck, the sun sinking low on the horizon behind him.

The ache inside grew until it was gnawing at him. He didn't want to be alone. For one night. Just one night of not feeling the emptiness.

He slowed his truck to make the turn, head south into Denver.

He hadn't seen her in almost a year. But he remembered every road and turn. The small house in a tidy little neighborhood on the edge of Denver, a few hours from the place he had claimed as home for the last few years, hadn't changed. The porch light was on.

He eased his truck into the drive, but didn't turn it off. He sat there, hands still on the wheel, knowing he should back out before she looked out the window. But he didn't care. Didn't care that this wasn't ever a good decision. They had once had a habit of turning up at each other's place when they wanted a distraction or comfort.

The front door opened and the woman stepped out. She leaned against the porch post, not rushing Vin, but clearly knowing who was in her driveway.

Vin turned off his truck. The sound of him shutting the door of the old truck was loud on her quiet street.

He stopped at the bottom of her porch steps.

"It's been awhile," she said.

Vin gave a single nod. He shifted his weight slightly. "How you been?"

She smiled slightly. "Missing you," she said.

Vin knew that. She hadn't made any secret of the fact that she hadn't wanted the distance between them.

When Vin didn't say anything more, she quirked an eyebrow. "You're still as talkative as ever."

"Sorry," he said. And he was. He was sorry for turning up like this. Sorry for using her to ease the pain.

"You aren't here to talk anyway," she said, not sounding offended in the slightest.

Vin shook his head and backed away a step. "I shouldn't-a stopped by," he said in an attempt at an apology.

"I'm glad you did," she stopped him.

He looked up at her again, her brown hair backlit by the porch light. He could see her eyes. There was no hint of a daydream in her eyes. She knew exactly where they stood.

"You want to come in?" she asked, moving slightly toward the door in invitation.

He wanted to not be alone tonight.

"I know you aren't promising anything," she said, a sardonic twist to her lips. "I'm not either."

With that assurance, he climbed the steps. He stopped next to her, looking down at her.

"It's good to see you, Charlotte," he said.

"You too, Vin," she said, leaning into him slightly.

Vin put a hand on her waist and followed her into the house, the day fading over the horizon behind him.

#

This was everything he thought he had lost. Thought he had lost and would never have again.

Chris had woke that morning to the sun coming up bright, sending diamonds sparkling across the new snowfall. The kind of wedding day Mary deserved. Now the light was coming in through stained glass windows, casting ruby and sapphire hues across a polished wood floor and empty pews.

Chris looked down at Mary. He had stood at the front of a church a decade ago, saying vows and planning on a life stretching before him with Sarah. When he lost her and Adam, he had just accepted his life would be nothing more than a harsh darkness. But somehow there was light again. Warmth.

Family.

Billy slipped his hand into Chris' and Chris gave it a squeeze.

He heard Orrin's words, knew he should be listening, but he had already made his promises. His commitment to Mary didn't need words.

The small, rural church only held him and Mary, Billy and Orrin, and Orrin's wife Evie. Stephen's parents. Mary's first husband. Chris knew it was no small blessing that Orrin and Evie were here to celebrate Mary finding love again. He looked over at Orrin, met the man's eyes. Orrin's eyes crinkled slightly and he gave Chris the slightest nod of understanding.

He turned his attention back to Mary. She smiled up at him, her blue eyes glowing with love. For him.

Chris tuned into what Orrin was saying long enough to hear him ask for the rings.

Chris looked down at Billy and gave him a nod. The boy quickly let go of Chris' hand and fished the ring boxes out of his pocket. One in the left pocket of his dress pants and one in the right. Mary had been cautious about letting Billy carry the rings, but Chris had told her he'd keep an eye on Billy's pockets. He wanted the boy to be a part of the simple ceremony, to know he had a place of importance.

Billy handed the ring boxes to Chris with a look of pride. Chris gave him a nod of appreciation.

Mary's hand didn't tremble when he slipped the ring on her finger and said the words. She was steady, certain. Chris let her slide the ring onto his finger.

The plain silver band was an unfamiliar feeling. But he wasn't about to slip it off. Ever.

He was more sure about this than he had ever been about anything.

"I now pronounce you man and wife." Orrin closed the folder he had been reading the vows from. "You may now…"

Chris didn't wait for him to finish. He pulled Mary closer to him and landed his lips on hers.

He had waited long enough to find this. He wasn't waiting anymore.

#