AN: This chapter and the one that comes after it will be really polarizing; some may love it, others will hate it. So, if you're not a fan of lighter, more relaxed moments between the characters, then feel free to skip this one and the chapter after it - no need to flame me again for not making it grimdark every single chapter. There's plenty of action and grimdark up ahead, just not this one and the one after it.
"So, how does the game work, again?" I asked, brows furrowing as I stared at the map on the massive, circular table in front of me. Upon the table was a flat map, drawn with ink on a light-brown paper, whose edges appeared withered and crinkled. The map itself was of a planet that I was unfamiliar with, featuring numerous regions and countries and empires that I've never heard of before. It wasn't a map of Holy Tera either, because I asked Khars that and he just shook his head. It also had a feature that allowed one to click on a region and create a smaller, localized map of said region, which displayed features and places that one would otherwise not see on the world map itself.
It was honestly surreal and wondrous.
The Custodian, Whamuu, called it Dungeons and Daemons – a mildly heretical name, but I wasn't about to argue with the God Emperor's chosen guardians. Whamuu described it as a role-playing game, wherein we'd be given characters of our own, which we'd embody during the course of the game, but that was all he said. "But, maybe summarize it a little?"
Well, no, he explained the rules but most of it flew over my head.
Something about the usage of dice and chance and whatnot. But there were a lot of technical things thrown in and I honestly couldn't focus hard enough to learn every single rule that was thrown at my face. Eventually, Whamuu shrugged and said, "You'll learn as you play. Don't worry, it's going to be very fun for everyone."
Khars turned to me from across the table. He'd taken his armor off, except for his helmet, revealing rippling muscles and cybernetic implants. The strangest thing was the inordinate amount of body oil he seemed to have doused himself with, which was weird. Actually, all three of them, Khars, Whamuu, and Eshidisi, had taken off their armors and covered themselves in liberal amounts of, to be fair, pleasant-smelling body oil. They glistened in the light from the chandelier that hung right above the table, glimmering like golden giants. It was a strangely beautiful sight, I'll admit, but also weird.
Individually, the three of them really didn't look that much different from each other. Light brown skin-tones, glistening like gold, black hair, and amber eyes that glowed faintly. They sported no facial hair of any kind, though they did possess a few cybernetics here and there, dug into and under their skin. But, otherwise, they just looked like a bunch of really big humans, who – if not for their height – would've looked quite normal, actually. Though, to be certain, I wasn't sure what I'd been expecting.
Duncan looked uncomfortable, while Katarinya just sort of ran around, sliding on the floor, after she slapped one of them with her bare hands and applied the oil that'd stuck to her hand onto her feet. It was clear for all to see that the Custodians, at least, just the weird three before us, had grown somewhat tolerant of her and her childish antics. More than once have I seen Katarinya sitting atop their shoulders with her arms spread wide and out. She'd been sliding around the place for the last fifteen minutes, while we waited for Lord-Commander Garahm Thomson to join us and, apparently one other guest whose name the Custodes kept from me but was apparently important enough to warrant a seat on the table. Again, this was plain weird, welcome, but weird; never in my entire life, even after gaining my powers, did I imagine I'd ever be seated with the Custodes and 'gaming' with them.
"My lord," Duncan turned to me. "The dice determines, I believe, the effects and outcomes of specific important actions; the rules merely determine the type of die to be used in a given situation and how it may be used. Ultimately, the mechanics of the game, I believe, revolve entirely around the dice; though, I may be mistaken, my lord."
"That's the gist of it, I suppose." Whamuu confirmed, nodding. "There are a few other kinks in there, but you'll both have to play to understand all the important rules. There are many rules and mechanics that, I think, won't ever come into play, unless driven to very specific situations, like in a tavern, surrounded by buxom maidens or... large and burly men-"
"Alright!" The door screeched and fall apart as Lord-Commander Garahm appeared behind it, apparently having kicked said door open right before Whamuu could finish talking about... whatever it was he wanted to say. But, I got the feeling that letting him finish talking would've been a terrible idea, especially with a child around us. The three of them were an odd bunch, I'd say, and acted quite a lot like hormonal males – or females, depending on what they happened to say. But, despite all that, I actually found myself somewhat enjoying their company, no matter how strange or oily they might be. "I see you lot are here. Now, I'm going to sit down, while we wait for the last guest."
He then pointed a finger at Khars, Whamuu, and Eshidisi. "And not one of you is allowed to be the DM, got it? I do the storytelling now, because there is a child and, additionally, none of you three are allowed to play Bard characters."
"Damn it," Eshidisi moaned. "I've already prepared the perfect Bard!"
"Indeed." Khars nodded. "We are damned. All the best games happen when one of the three of us roleplay as a horny bard."
"What does horny mean?" Katarinya piped, raising a hand, like a child at school. "The big gold guys keep using that word."
Oh boy. I gulped and turned to Duncan, who turned to me and shook his head. I also turned my head to the three peculiar Custodians and realized what a terrible idea it would be to let any of them actually answer the child's question. I also didn't think the Lord-Commander could be bothered to say anything about the matter, given his rank. But, the only problem was that I knew the meaning of the word, but explaining to a child was somehow more difficult than explaining how babies are made and where they came from.
God-Emperor help me. What am I supposed to tell this child?
Garahm spoke before anyone could, taking a seat on the one side of the table that held a small, three sided panel of some kind, which I assumed was integral for the DM to manage the game. "No one answer that question."
"Lord-Commander, your aggressive commandeering of the room has my-"
"Anyway!" Garahm raised a data-pad of some kind, before he turned his gaze to the door. I gestured for Katarinya to sit on the chair next to me. And she did so with a chuckle, sliding and then hopping up onto place. What a happy child. "Ah, our last guest should be here. Please, come in."
At his urging, a vary familiar, black-haired man in golden robes walked in, holding a steaming cup of recaff in one hand, a piece of paper on the other, and a pair of... soft-looking fuzzy slippers on both feet. His eyes, which were akin to twin blazing stars the last time I saw them, were a simple dark brown. His golden glow was not present and his otherwise divine presence was absent as well. Dangling around his neck was a thick piece of what appeared to be string and attached to the string, in place of a pendant, was a pair of circular glasses. What? The Master of Mankind looked... just like an ordinary man might've looked like. Of course, that was discounting the casual grace with which he moved and the ease with which he walked about. What was going on here? Was the God Emperor of Mankind himself here to play with us? Just what sort of game was this?
Oh. I see. This must've been no ordinary game, but one that was shared only among those who stood atop humanity, the Custodians, perhaps the Astartes as well, maybe even the Primarchs, and, of course, the God-Emperor of mankind himself. Amazing. To be invited to play such an awesome game with such awesome people, including the Lord of All Humanity, was a greater blessing than one such as I could ever dare hope for. I wanted to bow, but a quick gesture from the man himself stopped me. Duncan, at my side, simply raised a brow, while Katarinya waved. "Hey, everyone; sorry for being late. I was held up by official Imperium business. But, I have my character sheet ready."
They didn't know him, his presence. Before us was the God-Emperor of Mankind... in robes!
"Welcome, our glorious overlord!" Khars said, making a weird pose as he did. Whamuu and Eshidisi followed afterwards, proclaiming the same thing, much to the bewilderment of Duncan, at my side, and Katarinya, who likely didn't understand what was going on, but was enjoying everything, regardless.
The God-Emperor then turned to Duncan, to me, and to Katarinya as he took a seat. "For now, my name is simply Joshua – nothing more, nothing less. Let's enjoy the game, yeah?"
"Alright," Garahm began, clearing his throat. "Now that everyone's here, we can begin our session of Dungeons and Daemons. Warp Transit indicates that we'll reach our destination within... a few days at minimum; so, we have plenty of time to get into action and have some fun. So, let's start with our characters..."
And so, in an ironically dragging, but also very enlightening and, dare I say, fun twist of events, we spent the next three or so hours creating our characters. The best part, I found, was in the creation of the 'backstories', which was essentially the history of our characters, how they came to be where they are and, more importantly, how they came to be who they are. I'd never done it before and, honestly, I found it was a good way to see through the eyes of others and perceive the world as they do, even if they were nothing more than make-believe characters. I also figured it was a good learning experience for Katarinya, who soaked up the whole thing, like a hungry sponge. The Custodians already seemed to have their own characters in mind, so they ended up just helping the rest of us. The God Emperor, who went by the name of Joshua, seemed oddly giddy during the whole thing, as though it'd been thousands of years since he last played this game. In the end, we managed to create somewhat working characters that we could actually play with.
Joshua, numerous times, had to be reprimanded and reminded that creating 'overpowered' characters was toxic and not fun; I did not side with him, even though I wanted to, because I got the feeling that the God Emperor was enjoying the whole thing and didn't want me to disturb it. And, honestly, all that happened was ultimately harmless and inconsequential.
The God-Emperor, Joshua, created a xeno character, an 'Elf' spellcaster that specialized in something called General Magic, named... well, Joshua, an arrogant prince who was banished from his kingdom for getting his own aunt and sister pregnant at the same time, after which he ran away and was subsequently declared an outlaw and banned from entering the Elven Woodlands for the next five hundred years until he achieves something that will make him worthy of his princehood once more.
Khars went with a big, burly, seven-feet tall, axe-wielding, human barbarian who went by the name of Karakor, who hailed from the Northern Realms. He'd journeyed southward, in search of a new purpose in life after losing his whole family to a sea dragon, rising from the depths of the frozen shores of the north. Depressed, Karakor spends his time drinking excessive amounts of liquor and... rubbing himself with copious amounts of whale oil.
Whamuu created an ageless 'Ranger', who bore a bow and arrow, and specialized in stealth, like a sniper, but with primitive weapons, named Wam, a veteran of something called the Mushroom Wars. For thousands of years, Wam wandered the land, seeking redemption for the copious amounts of war crimes he committed during the war. Somehow, he's also constantly covered in body oil and happens to be incredibly muscular and, as Whamuu specified, hairless and smooth.
A weird detail.
Eshidisi, strangely enough, had the most normal character out of the three of them, an Elven Druid on a quest to peacefully save the forests by force, accompanied by his bear companion, Misha. The character's name was Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya de la Rosa Ramírez – most peculiar and weirdly long; but it was apparently a reference to something from ancient Tera, because the God-Emperor Joshua snorted in amusement. That his character wasn't also covered in body oil was the strange part. When asked, Eshidisi just shrugged and said, "I'm on time out."
I had no idea what that meant.
Duncan created a character that more or less matched himself, Janus, a former soldier that once served the Ogdru Imperium, now a traveling mercenary, who occasionally lends his sword to help the needy. However, he maintained a strong sense of justice and had a... somewhat strong moral code if his mood was right and the pay was good. Otherwise, Janus was a cutthroat through and through.
Katarinya made a 'halfling' chef serial killer, who also happened to be a cannibal, named Pip, who travels around the world, searching for the most wondrous ingredients to add to his cookbook – said ingredients being the body parts of any sapient being he happens to kill with his cleaver and meat hook. That said, Pip does have some morals and principles and kills and eats only bad people, but the means with which Pip and, by extension Katarinya, defines who is bad and who isn't, was still subject for debate. Pip also would like to make friends.
Maybe, I should keep a close eye on this girl.
Finally, my character, a battle cleric named Perry, who prays a lot, heals the sick with miraculous prayers, and bashes the skull of whoever spreads heresy about the Church of the One, which I understand was already a heretical concept in itself, but this was just a game and even the God-Emperor was playing along with us. As for his backstory, Perry, a very creative name, was excommunicated by the church for killing one of the clergy, who'd engaged in heretical, but unproven acts; since then, he'd been wandering the world, spreading the word of the One and healing the faithful. Unfortunately, he has killed more people than he's actually healed, which was very unfortunate indeed.
"Shall we begin?" Garahm asked, smiling faintly as he eyed the three panels before him. "Alright, let's-"
An incredibly powerful, but also incredibly alien, presence suddenly enveloped the entirety of the vessel – a flash of power so great that it felt as though reality itself bent and buckled. The vessel seemed to dance and shake. The Custodians stood up immediately, but Joshua, the God-Emperor merely raised a hand to calm them down. The presence disappeared almost as quickly as it came, becoming smaller and lesser with every passing moment, diminishing so quickly and so suddenly it almost seemed to vanish. But it didn't.
"Room for one more player?" A stranger in... what I could only describe as a jester's clothing arrived at the door, knocking three times even when it was already open. My eyes narrowed. This presence was the same as the one from earlier, but... now it was smaller – far smaller than it had been, a sliver of a sliver. The God-Emperor stood up and walked towards the figure, who walked towards him as well, revealing a... somewhat humanoid face with grin that was a little too wide for comfort.
"Cegorach, you son of a bitch!" The God-Emperor said with a faint smile, before they slammed and clasped their forearms together. [Concept Shaping] flashed briefly in my mind's eye and revealed to me the image of two leviathans behind them, broken and injured, one gold and the other a myriad of colors, swimming together in a bitter alliance. And then, when the two released their grasp from each other's forearms, the image disappeared.
What was that?
What is going on?