There is this belief among many that those who do not participate in any sport are by nature lazy or listless, but I disagree. In my opinion, this depends very much on the situation one is in and the type of activity one has the opportunity to try.

In the world, there are at least eight hundred sports, and no human being will ever manage to try them all unless they decide to make it their life's purpose. However, generally speaking, the average human being, who does not engage in any of the sports that are common in their country, will never know which sport suits them best.

Watching a game through a screen cannot one hundred per cent replicate the emotions felt at that moment among the players and, perhaps, some are so self-absorbed that they cannot even take an interest in watching others play if they are not there with them.

Moreover, circumstances tend to be a determining factor, as many feel more inclined to exercise only when they are in the company of others. Someone may not like running, using weights and so on, but this does not mean that they are a lethargic person, as they may prefer team sports, where they bond with other humans.

We often underestimate how important it is to have someone else with whom to share certain emotions and experiences, but it is when we simultaneously experience a certain feeling, positive or negative, a victory or a defeat, that we feel closer to others, that we show what unites us more than anything else: our human nature, our ability to understand each other on an emotional level, to feel part of something bigger than our singularity, to feel we belong to a community, to understand that we are not fundamentally different from others, just because we do not share the same interests, the same physical characteristics or the same values.

It is a paragraph I found in the book 'The Power of Togetherness' by S. Higgins.

I never played five-a-side football before two days ago. I never considered it important, because Ayla and Rae were never interested in it and, when I arrived, there were already predetermined teams for the daily friendly matches. I thought that making the proposal to be part of it would create tensions, as some would definitely oppose the idea of change, given the possibility of being excluded and benched.

So, for a long time, I just observed them from a distance, trying to understand the dynamics of the game and the rules as well, since I had no reason to read books on the subject.

Ayla asked me in the past if I wanted to try playing, but I always denied it, because I didn't want to not to have her, my friend, by my side while I tried my hand at it.

It's so strange to think how 'friend' has gone from being a simple word, which I didn't even know existed, to representing someone with whom I want to do anything together, whether they involve me in what they want, or I involve them in what I want to do.

I think that's also why the fact that they didn't say anything to me about their now obsolete aliases bothered me: they attacked the meaning I have built around our friendship.

In any case, I don't want to talk about that today. Or in the days to come, actually. That's another issue buried and ready to be forgotten.

I have to say I was wrong about the 'footballers' at our orphanage, because they explicitly told me they were looking forward to seeing me in action the next day, the 12th, because Lex and I joined them six minutes before the end of the game, both of us aware that it was too late to participate.

Lex spent his break looking for me and, unfortunately, found me in the classroom at the beginning of the second half. He, therefore, took his time, not hinting at how things were until the end of our conversation, although I don't understand why, because he might as well have gone back to the game, since he seemed to care so much.

However, he told me to get changed, as he wanted to have a quick practice with me, in preparation for the next day's match. It came naturally to me to ask him if the others were fine with me intruding like that, without any real training.

He responded by telling me that their opinion was irrelevant, since he was the team captain and could decide whether or not to keep me, thus putting me in the hands of the others' team in the hope of winning easily, since they would have a flat tyre.

I was not offended by that description of him, because he was right, but I realised that he was joking because, as soon as we were in the garden and without me touching the ball once, he announced that I would play with him.

I knew he did this so as not to make me uncomfortable and place me with people with whom I had had no meaningful interaction.

Of course, within the orphanage, we all know each other in a general way, we know each other's names, the grade and some general information about passions, but it stops at this kind of superficial knowledge. We cannot all call ourselves friends just because we co-exist in the same place, and this can inevitably lead to awkward situations.

There are people, though, who are respected and loved by everyone, with whom everyone hopes to form deeper relationships and overcome that invisible line of neutrality. Rae and Lex first.

With Lex, it is easier than with Rae because she seems to be more 'exclusive'. Less accessible let's say, because of her role, which has also recently been raised to a new level, as she has entered the Apex.

Lex is the first to go out of his way to have everyone around or on the same page as him, while Rae is more reserved and prefers few friendships, which doesn't persuade anyone from the idea of entering her favourites, because, in principle, she doesn't dismiss the possibility of widening her circle.

My presence at her side is for those in the higher ranks a reason to resent me. Even as far as Ayla is concerned, to be honest, because I have become best friends with two of the most intelligent people in this place, without possessing any distinguishing features and being generally mediocre in every aspect.

If I were in their place, I too would be surprised by this event, but, more than anything else, I would wonder why I consider relationships to be based solely on competition, on advantages and disadvantages, on mentally stimulating each other, and not on empathy and mutual feelings of respect and understanding.

If they realised this, they would probably have a better chance of achieving their goals, because they would not be starting from a position that I consider extremely wrong. I am not friends with Rae and Ayla because they are intelligent, but because they are good people

However, in all honesty, Rae considered me two years ago because I seemed to have something more than I actually did.

Since some things never change, her stuff was on the desk in the back of the library when I decided to explore the environment a few hours after my arrival. I didn't know they were hers. I didn't even know who she was, but I glanced at one of her papers and scribbled something down.

I don't remember what it was about. I didn't think it was anything important, honestly; therefore, my memory didn't register all, and I never asked Rae any questions to explain what it was, because I was afraid that if she told me, I wouldn't understand it and she would realise I wasn't worth much mentally and wouldn't consider me.

Stupid enough on my part, because Rae is too smart to only judge people from that point of view, but in that almost week spent waiting for the exam results, I didn't know and I thought she wouldn't talk to me again, when she would realise that I'm a fraud, getting the right answer by guessing and because I thought hard and applied myself.

After writing that, I wanted to erase it, because I shouldn't mind other people's business and intervene in things that don't concern me, but I didn't have time to do that, because Rae appeared behind me.

She did not seem angry with my meddling, because, at first, she thought I was just watching. She introduced herself and asked me my name, along with some other fairly superficial questions, to find out more about the newcomer.

I feel a little guilty for answering her in monosyllables, without even looking her in the eyes, because it was rather disrespectful behaviour, after having my hands on her personal things, but she didn't seem bothered, and her kindness didn't wane in the slightest.

However, I did not feel comfortable and left, while she continued to tell me about the Wammy's House. I left the library without even looking back and went to Watari's office, because I didn't know where else to go.

Later in the day, as I was colouring some dinosaurs in the hall, Rae came up to me and told me she had noticed what I added.

"It was time for a little competition."

That's what she told me, probably because she thought I would end up in her grade. Too bad for her that this was not the case, as my test did not confirm that feared opponent that she thought she saw in me.

It was this belief of hers that led her that week to seek me out to talk to me, asking my opinion on various topics – many of which I had not even heard once in my life. I had to ask her many times the significance of various words she was saying, until I decided to read the vocabulary, because I wanted to understand her better.

It was so strange to be in the presence of someone so articulate, because I was nothing compared to her, but my being ordinary, mediocre, and uneducated did not drive her away from me at all, because I guess she found something else in me.

On the same day she came to talk to me, I also met Ayla, because she always goes to her – present, because even now – for advice. She intruded, although this is not the best term, because it denotes an annoyance that I did not feel, in our 'conversation' – she would speak, and I would respond in a few lines of assent or confusion.

As soon as she noticed me, she made a positive comment about my haircut. It was innocent enough, although she reminded me why I was clean-shaven.

In a nutshell: it all started because of a misunderstanding and only continued because of those four days spent in ambiguity.

Mazzaroth, I must say that I have really put a lot of effort into telling you about an important part of my existence here.

It is from my point of view, but I guess I have been impartial enough to make the two sides of the story coincide. What Rae felt when she came to know that I wasn't at her level I can't tell you and I can't make her write it down, since neither of them know explicitly that I have a diary, although I think they have their doubts about my constant writing in the same notebook for days.

I don't try to hide it, because I don't find it embarrassing, but at the same time, I don't communicate it openly, because I have the impression that in their eyes it is irrational behaviour.

Of course, also, I can't leave you in their hands because they would know that I lied about myself.

Every time I write down that I have only told lies about everything they know about me, I have the urge to erase it, but it is the truth. I want this diary to represent as real as possible what I feel and think, without any social or personal filter. I cannot, therefore, abstain and not write it down, because I would not be able to make myself understood by you – there would certainly be incomprehensible inconsistencies and I would lie again about who I really am.

Returning to Lex, since he was the main point of this day, we trained – he trained me, because I had no knowledge to impart with him about football.

He finally explained the rules to me, and I must say that they are not very different from what I assumed. He also taught me the various ways not to lose the ball and to score a point anywhere on the pitch. He did not share his tricks or secrets to winning, as I could have used them against him if I ever found myself having to be on the opposing team.

He could not allow his best student to beat him, because it would be so embarrassing that he would never come out of his room again.

I have never seen him so happy talking about anything. He had a smile on his face the whole time and it wasn't just a polite one. He kept making jokes and allusions to make me laugh, but I think I took some of them too seriously.

And I think he realised it too late. I don't want to blame him, but he's not very good at making analogies. At least, he shouldn't have made them with animals that are considered dangerous and unbeatable.

"Since when do you write on books?"

I winced at Ayla's sudden appearance. I had expected to have a moment of my own, in which I could devote my undivided attention to Mazzaroth, but it didn't bother me at all that she had interrupted me, since, after L's departure, she had continually seemed rather sad.

I was responsible for that, and she made me feel so, because she had not come to me for consolation, as she usually did.

She placed the four books she had with her on the wooden top and began to leaf through one of them quickly.

"Since... Never." I held up the slip of paper I had prepared in the event, on which I had written a few sentences regarding the book I was reading, A History of British Football by Patrick Clark.

I knew that from her view my diary was visible, but I did not bother to hide it, using a thicker, larger volume on the history of football, as I could simply say it was my notebook, from which I had torn out a piece without even thinking about it, because I had no emotional attachment to it whatsoever.

It was definitely odd to think that I had some sort of relationship with an inanimate object, but, after all, I had started writing on Mazzaroth with the idea that I was talking to a friend. It was no exaggeration to say that I had grown fond of it and that that affection could only increase.

She glanced at the scrap of paper for a second before moving on to check the second text she had picked up. I couldn't guess what subject they were about, because unlike Rae, who only had an interest in one area, the latter tended to change often for Ayla, even though she basically loved chemistry more than anything else. It was always in a remote part of her mind, ready to take over, driving her to read as many books on the subject as she could to the point of complete exhaustion.

She had one particular book that she loved to reread when she was in that phase, which was by J. S. Holden, and I couldn't blame her in the slightest for repeating to me the same information she found written in the chemistry chapter, because honestly she was also my favourite author, albeit for another reason.

"I saw you play yesterday. You did great." She said, even though I knew it wasn't really a compliment.

On the one hand, it was slightly uncalled for.

In the end, it's my fault that he won't be able to play for a couple of months.

On the other, I had noticed that, for a while now, Ayla had been complimenting me for every small, successful activity, even the most insignificant. I didn't know why, but I could assume it was a way of counteracting the constant comments of those around her.

I had never said that they did not bother me; therefore, my silence in the face of those direct provocations must have been interpreted as an inability to react, because it seriously hurt me, and not because I couldn't care less about the opinion of people I didn't consider friends or with whom I had no intention of establishing a friendly relationship.

Moreover, I did not see any abysmal difference between us, which, probably, from an external and academic or intellectual standpoint, must have been a ravine. In any case, we were not each on one side, but on the same platform... That it was unstable was irrelevant in those years, because there was still no will of a third party to divide us.

"Have you seen Lex, by any chance?" I asked.

"After you sent him to the emergency room?" She tried to hide a giggle, but not the smile on her face, which didn't bother me, because it made her dimples visible.

I didn't know how to feel about the situation, because I was culpable for it, but, of course, it wasn't my intention to do so.

The idea I had on how my second match would've been like had been completely turned upside down: I had been put on the opposing team, even though I had signalled no with my head towards Lex, so that he would have prevented it. I couldn't blame him, because he wasn't in full control and the others insisted that I played with them, since I had apparently turned out to be a good defender.

However, my skill was only because I had trained with Lex, who had explained to me how the other two female defenders behaved. I had learnt how to cover the spaces that they had difficulty covering and, moreover, I had adapted to Lex's way of doing things. In fact, I was always passing him the ball, even if I had another teammate a few steps away and he was on the other side of the field.

I was not extremely versatile and able to adapt quickly to how others operated; therefore, I was put in a situation that was completely unfamiliar to me. I didn't know what to do in that moment, the field seemed to be different, for some strange reason, and my gaze landed on each player, without my mind actually being able to register any information and understand what to do.

The others had started rushing me about doing something, since our opponents had scored two goals because of me.

They had caused me so much panic that, when I had seen Lex approaching the goal and had to stop him in every way, I had ended up spraining his ankle.

After he was taken to the emergency room, I had completely avoided him. I kept thinking back to what had happened and the words he had said to me, after screaming in pain and before Watari and Roger arrived on the scene.

"Red... Card."

"I haven't seen him, but I am sure he has returned. He's like carbon monoxide, invisible but deadly, and haven't you noticed that the air has become suffocating all of a sudden?" She replied. "It's his fault, anyway."

"Why?"

Ayla gave me an incredulous look. "Why?!"

I nodded. I knew Ayla didn't particularly like Lex, because he was too friendly with everyone, and she felt he had no respect for other people's space. She found him strange and even obnoxious at times, because he seemed to think he was a big deal. He had never given me that impression, but I could understand her point of view, since her hatred for the boy stemmed from a simple matter.

"Because he tried to exploit the newbie in his favour!" She replied. "It wasn't fair of him to charge towards you. He could have really hurt you!"

"But in the end, he is the one who—"

"No, don't defend him! I'm right." She moved a few steps closer to me and I found myself clutching the football book closer to my chest to hide Mazzaroth. "And, anyway, with him out of the picture..." She began in a low voice, looking around for a second. "If you can do that to the others, we can win next year."

"It was an accident." I reminded her.

"Try to make it a talent, then!" She continued, with a smile.

Seeing her happier than I imagined was definitely a surprise, as was the tone she had towards me and openly declaring that plans for Youth Month had not changed. It didn't help me, though, to get rid of the idea that she held me responsible for L's disappearance, since she could have been faking it, which mere thought made me get a knot in my stomach and the desire to find the boy and bring him back to her, even if it meant not being able to be around her so much anymore.

"Only the good ones. We easily defeat the others. We are infallible, after all." She added.

"You've convinced me." I did my part.

"I'll cover for you anyway. I'll give you an alibi not of iron, but of titanium." She giggled. "Rae likes acting, doesn't she? I can get her to teach me how to cry on command, and then, I can be your tea—"

"Ayla." Roger appeared at the beginning of the lane, with three books in his hand. "Watari managed to find more books on Ghanaian history, in which there are chapters dedicated to Ashanti people." He placed them on the wooden shelf and left, without even waiting for Ayla to thank him – something I doubted she would have done regardless.

I stood up, while Ayla went to check the volumes, and walked over, stopping at the ones she had left undisturbed. They were all focused on biochemistry, which made me lay my eyes on my tiny sporty book.

I knew history was certainly an important subject to know, but I doubted that the one on football would contribute existentially to the fate of humanity.

Perhaps that was the way Ayla's fellow grade mates saw me: while she, at the mere age of eight, was devoting herself to complicated topics, suitable for the university minds of gifted people, I found myself leafing through writings readable by average people of my age, just because I thought I could undo the damage done.

If it was true, then, their idea of her was rather superficial and they did not know her as well as I did, as I sometimes happened to read her science fiction and fantasy books aimed at children our age or younger.

"Watari told me this morning that he found a new registry." Ayla said suddenly, as she carefully turned the pages, almost as if she was frightened by the possibility that she might tear them out.

"Seriously?" I asked with a smile and Ayla nodded, looking at me. "Do they have the names of the children this time?"

She nodded again, but didn't look very pleased; so, out of respect, I stopped being too.

"So..."

"I don't know… I don't want it to be like the last time, you know." She explained.

It was understandable. The previous year, we thought we were so close to the possibility of finding her parents, so much so that Ayla had already worked out a plan to stay in touch with Rae and me in any eventuality, even the one where she would return to Ghana, and had spent almost every evening approaching the supposed reunion date telling me about what she imagined her life would have been like, taking her cue from all the information about her tribe found in books.

It had been a huge blow when Watari had informed her that the people, who she thought might be her parents, had not actually had children; therefore, it was almost impossible for her to be their daughter. She had been crying for a couple of weeks and I was afraid I would run out of books to read to her, to console her, so much so that I had thought of turning to writing and making something up.

"Then, I don't even know if they write them correctly. I don't trust them, you know." She added.

"They are incompetent." I agreed with her, and she chuckled. "Plus, your last name."

"True. Sometimes, I still think it's that."

"That's why I'm here, to remind you." I spoke. "More chances to find them."

Ayla smiled at me, but it was a rather bitter smile. I was glad, though, to see that she no longer thought we didn't want to talk about it, after crying so much about it and thinking that we found her annoying.

Rae and I had done everything we could to convince her that it wasn't true, and I was glad it had worked, both because it was absurd and, to be honest – and it was a selfish feeling – I found it hard to fully understand how she felt about wanting to see her parents again, so I was afraid I couldn't keep pushing her in that direction, since I couldn't come up with any positive reasons why it made sense to cry about not being able to see them again.

I did not feel jealousy in knowing that she had parental figures who had been willing to let her out of their sight in order to give her a better life, who felt that kind of affection for her, but I could not deny that I was not wounded by the idea that my parents just didn't me around them. I didn't show it, because, of course, it had nothing to do with me and I had lied, saying that I had been abandoned at birth.

Even Rae had found herself in a similar situation, although the circumstances were different.

Both their families had done what they thought best for their future, while I was almost non-existent in the minds and hearts of my parents.

Consequently, when talking about theirs, I always had to imagine them as if they were their friends, because in no other way I could understand what the most appropriate way was to approach the matter.

"I'm sorry." I said, without any warning, apparently catching her off guard, given her confused expression. "I went too far. I shouldn't have put the annoyance I feel for someone over our friendship. I'm really grateful that you're my friend. I don't want to lose you."

My tone of voice didn't reflect in the best way what I felt, but it didn't matter. I had to apologise to her for being selfish and I wanted to remind her that she was a dear person to me and would have been until her and my last breath.

"I was afraid he would replace me." I admitted. "I'm sorry, again, for picking on you about the aliases."

I realised soon after that saying that only confirmed her belief that I was indeed influenced by opinions outside of our friendship, but that was not the case. It was none of this that had led me to utter those words.

It was my past and the objective reality that that L would've been a better best friend than me.

"I wanted to tell you, but he advised me to wait a few days." She revealed. "I guess he wanted to see how you would react."

"What was the project actually for?"

Ayla did not answer immediately. She returned to her book and continued flipping through the pages. I felt bad to see her like that, because that project must have taken on a deeper meaning than it appeared to my eyes or L himself must have provoked something in her, as I had never seen her behave like that in front of a purely intellectual activity.

Usually, she tended to brood over it for days on end, as she was doing at the time, but she expressed it deafeningly. She would do it out loud and, even in conversations that had nothing to do with it, she would come up with comments about that particular task, complaining about how others had not followed what she had said and that, if they had done so, the result would have been excellent.

It seemed to me that she avoided doing so in that specific context, because regretting L's departure also meant taking it out on the way I had treated him, therefore considering myself part of the cause, which indeed I was.

"It's no longer important, Ethe." She replied, finally. "Shall we head for a snack? I heard there's lemon tart."