Chapter 7
Hello once again, my paper friend.
I have nothing new to report. No new memories, no new leads as to the mystery that is my life. I feel like I want to scream every moment of every day. It's so frustrating, walking through life with no clue how I got here, or where I came from.
The worst is not knowing what happened. Obviously, something happened to me. People don't just wake up on the beach with no memory of who they are or where they came from. People don't just forget who they are unless something really bad happened to them. I've read so many stories on the internet about people who lose their memories. Most regain them within a year of the accident and even remember what happened. It's been almost six years already, and all I can remember is a mysterious woman dragging me up the beach, whispering her underlying love to me before she jumped into the ocean and swam away forever. I don't even know who she is! I'm starting to believe that she doesn't exist after all. That what I'm remembering isn't actually a memory, but a projection of my brain's desire for something I don't have. Maybe my brain took what little I do know about my accident and created this pseudo-memory that doesn't exist to make up for what I don't have. What if there isn't a woman after all? What if there isn't someone out there who loves me? What if it's all a lie?
A tiny drop of water landed on the page, pulling Eleanore out of her thoughts. She looked up at the sky to see if there was a sudden storm that the weather channel didn't predict. She was met with nothing but a bright blue sky. Confused, she looked around, trying to see if the ocean's waves were spraying her, only to find the tide was quite far away. Still confused, she rubbed her eye subconsciously, finding tears streaming down her face.
"Oh great. Now I'm crying and I don't even know it," she said out loud, sighing loudly. She checked her phone for the time, realizing sunset was approaching. A smile spread over her face, knowing it was almost time. She threw her journal back into her bag, making sure it was safe and secure before getting up, to prevent losing it again.
She made her way toward the exit, quickly tying her shoes once she reached the pavement. She swiftly made her way to her first destination, arriving there in record time, her excitement causing her to walk faster than usual. The small bell rang over the door when she entered Storybrooke Country Bread Bakery. She picked up her order, paying the baker for making her special order and left. She walked a little slower back the way she came, carrying the small cardboard box wrapped carefully in thin red and white string, not risking an accident as she arrived at her second stop.
She took a seat at the counter of Granny's and gently placed the box in front of her, grabbing Ana's attention. She ordered food and waited patiently for it to be ready as the sun began to set outside, the orange hues disappearing as the darkness of the night approached. She pulled out her phone as soon as Ana disappeared toward the kitchen to put in her order, cueing up the message thread with Killian.
"Hey. Ruby invited me to hang out with her and Ana after their shift tonight. Kinda like a girls night I guess. I won't be home until later," she texted, hoping Killian would believe her lie.
"Whatever, Swan. As long as you stay away from that damn beach, I don't care what you do. Just don't be late," Killian responded. Her heart filled with anger for a split second before she rolled her eyes, ignoring Killian's text.
She watched the last rays of light disappear behind the horizon through the big windows of Granny's Diner as she waited for her order, the sky already dark by the time her order was ready. She paid for the food as Ana handed her the bags, thanking her as she left the building, once again walking carefully to avoid dropping anything along the way.
She didn't stop to take her shoes off when she arrived at the beach, not wanting to risk dropping the food and having it spill out onto the sand. She smiled when she looked toward the water, seeing Gina already there, pacing along the water's edge, her bare feet kicking up water as she walked. Her hair and clothes were soaking wet, indicating the woman had already gone for a swim before Eleanore arrived. And if she didn't know any better, she could swear that Gina looked nervous. Gina's face lit up when she turned around and saw Eleanore approaching, her hands full of food.
"Eleanore! You made it! Let me help you," Gina said as she approached the blonde, reaching for the white box tied in red and white string.
"What is all this?"
"Dinner!" Eleanore smiled. "I told you I would bring dinner again," she added, presenting the bags fill with food from the diner
"What's this?" she asked, holding up the small box she was holding.
Eleanore chuckled. "Dessert." They settled in the sand and Eleanore unpacked their dinner. "Since you enjoyed the grilled cheese so much last time, I decided to bring it again. But this time, I brought tomato soup as well," she said, handing Gina a small container of soup as well as a plastic spoon. She pried open the top of her own container, grabbing her sandwich and dipped the corner into the warm soup, taking a bite. Gina watched and repeated her actions, her eyes widening when she tasted the grilled cheese and tomato soup combo for the first time.
"You're right. This is definitely better." Gina smiled, dipping the other corner into the soup. They ate quietly, making small conversation every so often as they shared the onion rings and fries, just like before.
"And now, for the piece de resistance…" Eleanore said, packing the trash into the plastic bags from the diner. "Dessert!" she said, reaching for the cardboard box. She untied the string and slowly opened the top, revealing two cupcakes tucked away inside, still in pristine condition much to Eleanore's surprise.
"What are those?" Gina asked, her eyes lighting up once again.
"Seriously? They are cupcakes," Eleanore explained.
"Under a rock, remember?" Gina explained, her face turning slightly red.
Eleanore chuckled. "You're not kidding. This is a red velvet cupcake with vanilla frosting," Eleanore explained, carefully picking one up and handing it to Gina. "Most people like cream cheese frosting with red velvet, but I prefer vanilla."
"How do you…eat…this?" Gina asked, inspecting the cupcake carefully.
"You have to peel off the wrapper…" Eleanore said, peeling the paper wrapper off her own cupcake, dropping it in the now empty box. "...then, just take a bite." She took a large bite, icing sticking to the side of her mouth. Gina nodded and peeled the paper wrapper off, dropping it in the same box. She smelled the small cake before taking a small bite herself, a small dollop of icing sticking to the tip of her nose.
"This is simply delectable!" Gina exclaimed, taking another bite.
"You're a mess, lady." Eleanore laughed, grabbing a napkin to wipe the icing off Gina's nose, causing them both to giggle.
"Thanks," Gina said shyly, her face turning a similar shade of red as their cupcakes. They ate their dessert in silence for a few more moments, the sound of the waves crashing behind them creating the soundtrack to their dinner.
"Can I ask you something?" Gina asked, breaking their comfortable silence.
"You just did." Eleanore chuckled, looking up to see a serious expression on her face. "Oh yeah, of course. You can ask me anything," she said, her demeanor changing.
"Do you really not remember who you are?" Gina asked, after another moment.
"So you did read my journal," Eleanore said, a slight sadness in her voice.
"I'm so sorry, Eleanore. I…I know I shouldn't have. But I just couldn't help myself. I wanted to know more about you. I'm so sorry," Gina said, tears welling in her eyes.
"Hey, it's okay. I'm not mad." Eleanore smiled. "To be honest, I would have done the exact same thing if I found your journal as well." Eleanore's smile caused a smile to form on Gina's face as well. "And to answer your question…no I don't remember who I am…" Eleanore said, her mood falling once again. "My first tangible memory is waking up in the hospital."
"That must be horrible, I'm so sorry," Gina said.
"Thanks."
"And you don't know what happened?" Gina asked. She was clearly trying to figure out if what she read in the journal was true.
"Yeah. All I know is what I was told when I woke up," Eleanore explained.
"What did they tell you?" Gina asked, fully invested in Eleanore's past.
"Nothing much. According to Killian, I went missing and he found me unconscious on the beach a few days later," Eleanore explained, hesitation in her voice.
"And you don't believe that?" Gina asked, sensing the doubt in her voice.
"I do, to an extent. Now that I've started remembering little bits and pieces, I know for a fact that I was found on the beach. But there was no missing person report filed for me. If I was really missing, wouldn't he file a missing person's report on me?" Eleanore asked, receiving a nod from Gina.
"You said you started to remember something?" Gina asked after a moment.
"A little. Nothing substantial." Gina nodded again, silently encouraging her to keep talking about what she remembers. "I started remembering the night before I was found. But not much…" Eleanore said, collecting her thoughts. "I remember being dragged up the beach and onto the sand by a woman I couldn't see. She tied this shell around my neck…" Eleanore showed Gina her precious shell tied around her neck. "…and she cut this into my arm." She showed Gina the faded scar.
"E. Swan?" Gina asked.
"Eleanore Swan. My name. I think she wanted me to remember my name," Eleanore explained, leaving out the mysterious woman's confession of love.
"And you don't know who this woman is?" Gina asked.
"No. I can never see her face in my dreams. All I know is she dragged me out of the water and then swam away," Eleanore answered, once again leaving out part of her story.
"Can I ask you another question? About Killian?" Gina asked.
"Sure…" Eleanore said, clearly growing sad at their conversation.
"Who is Killian to you?" she asked. Eleanore took a deep breath before answering the loaded question.
"He's…well…he's…I'm not sure these days, to be quite honest," Eleanore explained, taking a moment to recollect herself. "He told me that before everything happened, we were together. We were in love. But now, I don't feel it. He says it's because I don't remember anything before six years ago…"
"And you don't agree?" Gina asked.
"Not entirely. I mean, I live with him. I share a bed with him. But I don't feel anything for him. Shouldn't I feel something for him even if I can't remember?" she asked, sighing heavily. "He's probably right. I'm sure if, or when, my memories return, my feelings for him will return as well."
"You clearly don't believe that either," Gina said.
"What choice do I have? It's not like people are knocking down the door to prove him wrong. And it's not like there is anyone out there looking for me either. No one misses me…" Eleanore said, a stray tear falling from her eye.
"That's not true…" Gina said, her voice cracking as he held back her own tears. Eleanore looked up for a second, her green eyes catching Gina's brown. Gina reached up for a second, wiping the tear from her face, her hand lingering on Eleanore's cheek for a few seconds as she stared into Eleanore's eyes. The earth stopped spinning for the few short moments they were staring deep into each other's eyes as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
A moment later, Gina's lips were against her own.
Eleanore deepened the kiss a second later without even thinking, her lips making the decision for her before her brain could catch up. Time stopped for a moment as they shared their kiss, feeling like the most natural thing in the world, until Eleanore's eyes shot open and she tore away from Gina's lips.
"I….I….I have to go!" Eleanore exclaimed, scrambling around to find her bag and sneakers, tripping over the bags of trash from their dinner.
"Eleanore, wait," Gina pleaded, standing and rushing toward the fleeing blonde. She stopped short as soon as she reached the sidewalk, watching Eleanore run down the street barefoot, until she couldn't see her any longer. She sighed and walked back to their spot on the sand, cleaning up the trash and tossing it in a nearby garbage can before sitting back down in the sand, tears streaming down her face as she looked back at the ocean.
Eleanore ran down the street as fast as she could. She could feel stray rocks and pebbles cutting the bottom of her bare feet, but not even the pain she felt could slow her down. She ran until she saw her house, the house she shared with Killian, which felt weird. Usually, she runs away from this house and to the beach, not the other way around. She ran into the house and slammed the door behind her, startling a half-drunk Killian.
"What the fuck, Swan!" he screamed, spilling half his beer.
"Sorry…" Eleanore said, tossing her shoes and bag into the corner.
"Whatever, Swan." Killian tried to clean up his mess. "Now you have to do laundry tomorrow," he snapped. Eleanore didn't hear his words as she slammed the bathroom door, the only room in the house she could get any privacy, and sat down on the edge of the tub.
"SWAN! DID YOU HEAR ME?" he shouted, banging on the bathroom door.
"Yeah, whatever. I'm taking a shower," she yelled back, turning on the shower behind her. Killian walked away, off to drink more before bed, no doubt. She leaned her head against her hands, propping them up on her knees. Her whole body was shaking, but she couldn't figure out exactly why. Her fingers gently grazed her lips, still tingling from their encounter with Gina's.
Gina had kissed her. She had kissed her, and she loved every moment of it.
She barely knew this woman and already she felt more for her in one short kiss than she did the entire six years she can remember being with Killian.
She eventually made it into the shower and allowed the water to rush over her, cleansing her. She stood under the warm water until it ran ice cold, forcing her out and back into the uncertain world. She went to bed that night without speaking another word to Killian.
"Are you ready?" she heard herself say.
"I was ready for this moment since the day I met you," a familiar voice responded. Arms wrapped around her as two bodies moved closer together, fitting together like two perfect puzzle pieces. Warm lips met hers in a deep and passionate kiss, filled with more love than her heart could hold…
Eleanore woke with a start, her lips still tingling from her dream, from feeling the woman's lips against her own. She didn't know how, but somehow she knew that the woman she had just dreamed about kissing was the same woman who dragged her out of the water. Her heart felt so empty as she strained her mind to remember who she was, who the woman was that she was just kissing, willing herself to remember anything about her. A scar, a mole, any defining characteristic that she could hold onto, but all she was left with was nothing. She ran out of the bedroom, desperately holding back sobs when she realized she couldn't remember a single thing, except the feeling of her lips against her own. She laid on the couch and sobbed, her heart breaking inside her chest as the sun rose outside the window, bright rays of sunlight spilling into the living room.
She pulled herself together eventually and made her way to work. At least I can find some comfort on the water, she thought to herself as she set out for the day. The air was crisp and a deep cold had already set in. She knew her time on the water was severely limited, as winter was approaching faster than she was ready for.
It started to snow a few hours later, leaving a dusting of white power on the grass.
A/N: A kiss! Finally a kiss!
What do you think so far?