It was mid-morning, but Joanne already felt as if she had put in a full day's worth of work. She had managed to get the kids out the door for school, though she had been sorely tempted to keep them at home.

No, it was better for them to get back into a regular routine, and better for her as well. At least, that's what she tried to tell herself. If she were being honest with herself, she needed the time alone. So much had been neglected over the last few days, and there was still so much that needed to be done yet, so many loose ends that needed to be tied up.

She had made so many phone calls that she was just plain tired of talking to people. Social Security, the fire department's benefits office, the life insurance company. So many people needed to know that Roy had died, and by the last phone call, she had the routine down pat. Date of birth, date of death, nature of death, on and on and on.

Now she was in the bedroom, packing up Roy's things to prepare to send to the mission. They always needed men's clothes, and Roy certainly had plenty to give. It would be a good project to occupy her time until the kids came home from school.

She was so occupied that the knock on the door jerked her right out of her thoughts, and she quickly went to answer. "Hello, Johnny. Come on in."

"Hi." Johnny held up a large paper bag. "Brought the things from Roy's locker. Figured you'd want them."

Joanne wasn't sure she was quite ready to go through the bag, but she took it from Johnny anyway. For his part, Johnny seemed to look a little better, his eyes not nearly so red, his face less drawn. "I appreciate it. I'm just spending some time going through Roy's clothes. The mission's going to come take them."

Johnny nodded. "You want some help?"

Joanne was touched by the offer. "If you want."

Joanne led the way to the bedroom, Johnny following close behind, and soon the two of them started emptying drawers and packing clothing into boxes. The silence stretched out between them, and Joanne had no idea what to say to fill it.

Johnny was uncharacteristically silent himself. It was terribly disconcerting.

Joanne was used to Johnny's nearly non-stop chatter, even though she knew it had driven Roy absolutely crazy at times. "He just doesn't shut up, Jo." He had complained when they had first started working together. "Every damn thought he has just comes out of his mouth."

Johnny's eyes flicked up to meet hers as if he had read her mind. He smiled ever so slightly and shook his head. "Busy shift. Probably a good thing, you know? Kept my mind off things a little. Sure as hell doesn't feel right without him."

He suddenly stopped, pressing his lips together. "Sorry, I shouldn't be unloading on you."

"I don't mind." Joanne replied. "Heaven knows I've done nothing but lean on you."

"And I don't mind that." Johnny answered.

There was a brief silence until Johnny broke it again. "I've got a new partner already. They just…replaced him, you know, like he was just a piece of equipment and not a goddamn human being."

He sighed heavily. "Name's Reggie Parker. Good guy. He was a lineman for a few years before he did paramedic training. Actually did one of his last ride-alongs with me and Roy before he got certified."

"You know, now that you mention it, I do remember Roy talking about him." Joanne told him. "He was quite impressed with him."

That triggered Johnny to launch into the story of their first call of the shift, how the man didn't want Johnny to touch him. "So of course, I had to point out that I'm only half-white. Reggie tells me 'Great, I'll make sure to tell that to the next lunatic we work on'. And I don't know what it was, maybe the way he said it, but I busted up. Couldn't help myself."

Joanne couldn't help laughing a little bit herself. "Sounds like you two are going to get along just fine."

"Suppose so." Johnny nodded, his expression sobering. "It's not the same, but I guess nothing's ever going to be the same again, is it?"

"No, it isn't." Joanne replied quietly.

They fell silent until Johnny suddenly started rambling about something else that had happened during the shift, and it took a while for Joanne to realize that Johnny was doing far more talking than packing.

Joanne didn't mind, not really. Johnny's steady stream of chatter was a pleasant distraction from the task at hand.

She had turned to start pulling items from the closet when she heard Johnny let out a short sigh. "Sorry. Guess I'm kinda just talking to talk."

"Johnny, it's okay." Joanne told him firmly. "I don't mind, really."

Johnny managed a slight smile at that. "Used to drive Roy out of his tree. I'd get to talking and he'd give me that look. You know the one."

He mimicked Roy's sideways expression almost perfectly, and Joanne couldn't help bursting out laughing.

Johnny's little smile grew a little, and Joanne could have sworn he was blushing ever so slightly. She couldn't remember him ever reacting quite that way before.

He finally gave her a long look. "Kinda good to hear you laugh."

Joanne took in a deep breath, and she could feel her own face heating up. "I think I needed it."

"Think we both did."

They continued packing and chatting, and Joanne started pulling items out of the closet as Johnny folded and packed them into boxes. Finally, Joanne came to the last item on Roy's side of the closet, and suddenly that lump was in her throat again.

"Jo?" Johnny's voice was tinged with concern.

Joanne took another deep breath and exhaled, blinking back tears. "Roy's suit. The one he wore to our wedding."

She held it close to her chest, and before she could stop herself, the emotion overtook her, and she dissolved into tears.

"Hey, hey, hey." Johnny's voice was suddenly in her ear, his hand squeezing her shoulder.

Joanne managed to calm herself, letting out a shaky sigh. "What is wrong with me?"

"Nothing's wrong with you." Johnny responded quietly as he gently massaged her shoulders.

"It's a suit." Joanne was exasperated with herself. "I'm crying over a suit."

"It's not just a suit." Johnny told her. "It's a memory. Pretty damned important one at that."

Joanne was starting to feel a little better, comforted by Johnny's voice and his touch, though she still felt silly for her outburst.

"Tell you what." Johnny offered. "Why don't we just stick this old thing back in the closet. No need to give it away if you don't want to."

Joanne nodded and moved to return the suit to the closet, sliding the doors closed before turning to face Johnny. "I think that's nearly everything."

"Even if it isn't, we've put a pretty good dent in it." Johnny reached out and stroked under her eye with his thumb, tilting his head at her. "Anything else you need done?"

"Oh, no." Joanne sighed, stepping toward Johnny to give him a quick hug. "You've done enough. Besides, you must be tired. I know you guys don't get nearly enough sleep during your shift."

"Yeah, kinda." Johnny answered, lightly rubbing Joanne's back before stepping away. "Not that I'm sleeping much these days, but…well, anyway."

Joanne understood all too well. "I appreciate the help. And if you want to come over while you're off, you're more than welcome. The kids would love to see you."

"I might do that." Johnny nodded. "I'll let you know. And you know the drill. You need anything…"

"I'll call." Joanne finished for him.

"Right." Johnny smiled a little at that as Joanne walked him to the door. "Okay, see you later."

"Bye."

Joanne watched as Johnny climbed up into his vehicle, starting it up and backing it out of the driveway before starting down the street. She sighed a little as she closed the door behind her and sank into the couch, turning on the TV.

There would be more phone calls to make and more work to do. But for the time being, there was nothing wrong with watching some soap operas. She would much rather watch someone's pretend drama than deal with her own at the moment.

Normally she would have been completely engrossed in the story, but now she found her eyelids drifting shut, fading in and out. Most days, she had no trouble keeping herself occupied. The nights were much harder, and even as tired as she often was, she had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. The bed felt too big and empty now, the room too quiet.

She had never imagined she would miss Roy's snoring so much.

Joanne found herself dozing off and on, the sounds of the TV mixing in with her dreams. It was only when she heard the front door bang open that she finally woke up, feeling utterly disoriented.

Usually, her dreams faded away as soon as she woke up. For some odd reason, an image of her being curled up close to Johnny stuck with her.

She shook off the thought. As much time as Johnny had been spending here comforting her, it was no wonder such things were bleeding over into her dreams. Her mind had simply taken in whatever was on the TV and mixed it in with whatever was on her mind, that was all.

But it didn't explain why Johnny would be on her mind in the first place. Obviously, he was a handsome man. A woman would have to be blind not to notice that. And he was so kindhearted, almost exceedingly so, especially over these last few days.

Her tired brain was obviously trying to interpret Johnny's kindness and thoughtfulness as something else entirely. How silly. Joanne had never thought of Johnny in that way and wasn't about to start now.

She turned her attention to the kids. Jenny was talking a mile a minute, while Chris almost immediately retreated to his room.

"Mom, did you hear me?" Jenny tugged on Joanne's shirt insistently. "Mom!"

"Jenny, please." Joanne sighed. "What do you have there?"

Jenny sighed in exasperation. "It's for soccer."

"Soccer?" Joanne took the piece of paper Jenny held out and read it over quickly. Something about a girls' soccer team.

Things had certainly changed since Joanne was a girl. "Don't you want to keep doing dance?" She asked Jenny.

"Mom, all my friends are signing up for soccer." Jenny told her. "Please? You let Chris play Little League."

"That's different, honey." Joanne replied, even as she was struggling for a good reason to not let Jenny play soccer.

Jenny scowled. "Is not."

Joanne couldn't help laughing. "Well, that's certainly a strong argument. I'll think about it, okay? But you might have to choose between soccer and dance."

Jenny's face fell a little. "I don't want to go back to dance."

"But you love it so much." Joanne countered.

Jenny's eyes started to well with tears, and it was then that it hit Joanne. They were supposed to go to Jenny's dance recital after Roy came home from his last shift.

Joanne wrapped her arms around Jenny, holding her tight while she cried. When she finally stopped, Joanne didn't let go. "If you really don't want to go back to dance, it's okay. I'll go find out more about soccer for you."

"Okay." Jenny's voice was muffled.

Jenny started to pull away, and Joanne let her go while she read the paper a little more closely. Perhaps being part of a team sport wouldn't be so bad for Jenny. The girl never had trouble making friends, really, but having more friends couldn't possibly be bad for her.

Chris emerged from his room, all changed into his practice clothes. Joanne sighed a little to herself. She supposed keeping herself busy taking the kids to their various activities wouldn't be such a bad thing for her, either.

Joanne crossed over to Chris and hugged him tightly. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah." Chris nodded.

"Jenny!" Joanne called. "Come on!"

Jenny emerged, having changed her own clothes. She looked none too pleased. "Why do I have to go?"

"Because you can't stay here by yourself." Joanne reminded her.

Jenny looked as if she was going to argue but seemed to decide against it. Soon they were piled in the car and on their way to the baseball field.

Joanne had to admit she was dreading seeing some of the other parents. She didn't know many of them well, only occasionally seeing them at parent meetings. This was something Roy was always far more involved in than she was.

Chris seemed a little apprehensive himself as Joanne pulled into a parking space and shut off the car. Joanne reached out for him, but he almost immediately pulled away, readjusting his baseball cap and climbing out of the car with his glove in hand.

Joanne sighed softly and moved to follow, Jenny close behind. As they approached the field, Joanne spotted Chris's coach. He greeted her with a nod. "Mrs. DeSoto, it's good to see you. I'm sorry about your husband."

"Thank you." Joanne managed a nod in response. "Chris is taking it terribly hard."

"I'm sure he is." The coach replied. "I'm glad he's here. Probably good for him."

Joanne watched as Chris caught up to his teammates, seeming to be part of their conversation, and yet, seeming distant from them.

But this was normal for Chris. He had always kept to himself a little, and Roy had thought that getting him into some sort of sport would be a way to break him out of that shell a bit. Chris seemed to enjoy playing baseball, even if he was still a little shy toward his teammates.

Joanne imagined it would be even harder for her boy now.

She and Jenny found a spot in the bleachers and took a seat. They were immediately approached by one of the other mothers as she waved to get Joanne's attention.

"Hello." The woman greeted her cheerfully. "You must be Chris DeSoto's mother."

"I am." Joanne answered carefully.

The woman placed a hand on Joanne's shoulder. "We heard about Chris's father. Terrible tragedy. Just terrible."

This was exactly what Joanne had been dreading. Just when she thought she was starting to feel a little bit better, someone would express their condolences and make her want to cry all over again. "Thank you. But I don't believe we've met."

"Oh, my goodness, my manners." The woman seemed chastened. "Annette Reardon. I'm Timothy's mother."

"It's nice to meet you." Joanne replied. "And this is our…my daughter, Jenny."

Annette looked past Joanne at Jenny. "It's very nice to meet you, young lady. You know, I have a daughter who's just about your age. I'll bet you two would get along nicely."

Jenny smiled but otherwise didn't respond until Joanne nudged her. "It's nice to meet you, ma'am." Jenny finally replied.

Annette settled in next to Joanne, already talking her ear off. It became apparent that Annette knew all the goings-on with the team and was more than happy to share that information.

"Well, of course, we'd love to have you involved." Annette told her as practice ended. "We plan fundraisers and events for the boys all season long."

Joanne debated with herself for a moment. Involving herself in more activities would be good for her, she thought. It would get her out of the house, at the very least. "I'll think about it."

"Wonderful!" Annette seemed to light up at the notion, taking a pen and notepad out of her purse and writing down something before tearing it off and handing it to Joanne. "We'll see you at the next meeting."

Joanne started to tell her that she hadn't agreed to anything just yet, but decided it wasn't worth arguing about. "Of course."

"And the boys have their first game next weekend." Annette told her. "So, of course, we'll be planning something for that."

"I'll keep it in mind, thank you." Joanne answered as she took the paper and put it in her own purse.

She left Annette and made her way down the bleachers with Jenny to meet up with Chris when she was intercepted by his coach. "Can I have a word with you, Mrs. DeSoto?"

"Of course." Joanne replied. "Is something wrong?"

The coach waited until the kids were out of earshot before speaking again. "Nothing's wrong. Just wanted to let you know that Chris did a fine job today. He's got some raw talent. Looking forward to watching him develop this season."

Joanne was relieved and pleased. "That's good to hear. Roy was always very encouraging."

The coach nodded. "I know it's going to be a little tough for him, you know, without his father. They seemed very close."

"They were, yes." Something stabbed at Joanne.

The coach was obviously sympathetic. "Don't you worry, Mrs. DeSoto. Chris will have plenty of good role models here. We'll make a man out of him."

Joanne wasn't sure how she felt about that. Chris was still a little boy as far as she was concerned. "I'm sure you will. Thank you."

With that she left the coach behind to catch up to the kids, who were both waiting in the car. It was a quiet ride home, save for the radio, and Joanne found herself humming along to the song that was playing.

"Dad liked this song." Jenny suddenly piped up from the back seat. "He used to always sing along with it."

"That's right, he did." Joanne smiled to herself a little. "It's nice to remember good things about him, isn't it?"

Joanne heard Chris make a sound next to her, and she turned to see him with his head down, his shoulders shaking. She immediately found a parking lot to turn into, pulling in and shutting off the car before taking him into her arms.

"Mom, what's wrong with Chris?" Jenny asked. "Why is he crying?"

"Shut up, Jenny." Chris's voice was muffled.

"It's okay, sweetie." Joanne told him quietly. "It's okay."

Eventually, Chris calmed down, pulling away from Joanne and swiping the back of his hand across his nose as he settled back into his seat. Before Joanne could start the car again, Jenny climbed into the front seat, nearly sitting on Chris and wrapping her arms around him.

Joanne was slightly surprised that Chris wasn't pushing Jenny away, but at the same time, she didn't want to discourage Jenny from comforting her brother.

Soon Chris apparently decided he'd had enough. "I'm okay." He told Jenny. Jenny climbed back into the back seat, and Joanne resumed their drive home.

Once home, Joanne automatically started toward the kitchen to find something to make for dinner. She realized that she hadn't made it to the store yet, something she would have ordinarily done over the weekend.

She sighed. Hot dogs and macaroni and cheese would have to do tonight. She'd make a list and go to the store another day.

Once they were all around the table, Chris started to talk a little bit more about baseball practice, and Jenny kept bothering Joanne about signing up for soccer. It would have just been another evening, and for a moment Joanne allowed herself to pretend that Roy was just on shift, and that he'd be home in the morning, and Joanne could tell him all about their day.

But that would never happen again, and Joanne just had to accept that.

"Do you think Uncle Johnny would come watch me play soccer?" Jenny asked, pulling Joanne out of her thoughts.

"Of course, he would." Joanne assured her. "Just like he goes to Chris's baseball games."

Jenny seemed pleased at that, Chris less so. "Something wrong, sweetie?" Joanne asked him.

"No." Chris answered quietly, picking at his dinner.

Something occurred to Joanne. "You know, you don't have to invite Uncle Johnny if you don't want to. I know it's not the same as having your dad there."

Chris seemed to think it over before shaking his head. "No, he can come."

"Okay, I'll let him know." Joanne reached out to brush Chris's hair out of his eyes.

It wasn't long before dinner was done, and Joanne hustled both kids through their bedtime routines. Once they were in bed, Joanne cleaned up the kitchen, humming the same song that had been playing on the radio earlier, the one Roy had always sung along with.

If she closed her eyes, she could hear his voice, could feel his presence.

She let out a sigh and turned out the lights as she prepared herself to go to bed. In time she was sure this would feel less lonely.

But not tonight, and not for a long time. The thought filled her with sadness as she closed her eyes and settled in to sleep.