"A little lower, guys." Cap called out from the ground. "And put some slack in it."

Johnny and Reggie looked at each other from across the bay door, each of them lowering the string of lights. "How about now, Cap?" Johnny called back.

Cap gave him a thumbs up, and the two of them secured the lights before climbing down from their respective ladders to join Cap on the driveway. "That's going to look great all lit up." Cap commented. "Now we just need a couple of wreathes for the engine and the squad and a tree for the day room."

Johnny appreciated Cap's enthusiasm for Christmas decorating, even as his own enthusiasm was more than a little muted this year. The lights would look good, and the wreathes for the engine and the squad were a tradition dating back to the first year this station had opened.

"How's our collection for the tree going?" Cap asked as he followed the two paramedics into the day room.

Reggie picked up the coffee can and shook it. "Not so hot, Cap."

Cap sighed heavily. "Guys, come on. I know it's been a tough year. But we need some Christmas cheer around here."

The room went quiet, everyone looking at each other before Johnny finally spoke up. "Suppose Reg and I could go looking for one. We'll take up a collection later."

Cap regarded him sympathetically. "Great, thank you. And as for the rest of you, let's go dig up the decorations. Mike, where'd all that garland go?"

Johnny and Reggie left Cap behind them and started toward the squad, and Johnny climbed up behind the steering wheel with a heavy sigh. "Man, if it weren't for Jo and the kids, I'd just skip Christmas."

Reggie nodded in understanding. "Don't blame you. But let's face it. The place is looking a little bare. Maybe having something up will lift some spirits, huh?"

"Maybe." Johnny was doubtful, but started up the squad and turned out onto the street toward the Christmas tree lot he and Roy had gone to in years past.

He pulled in and found a parking spot before heading toward the display of trees. The owner smiled widely and rose from his chair near the entrance. "Johnny, how's it going? Merry Christmas. Who's your friend?"

"Mac, this is Reggie Parker." Johnny told him. "He's my partner now."

Mac frowned in concern. "Sorry, Johnny. I do remember reading about Roy in the paper. Must have slipped my mind. Reggie, it's a pleasure. Name's Ron MacNamara, but everyone calls me Mac."

"Nice to meet you." Reggie answered politely, shaking Mac's hand while glancing over at Johnny. "We need a tree and a couple of wreathes."

"I've got just the thing." Mac responded, starting toward a collection of wreathes. Even with that limp, he moved fast, and Johnny had a hard time keeping up with him. Reggie seemed to be equally thrown, hurrying to follow Johnny. "Look at these beauties. The wife has been making them like crazy."

Johnny selected one with a large red bow for the engine, while Reggie chose one that was slightly smaller with gold ribbon woven into it. "How about a tree, Mac?"

"Got a few that'll be a perfect fit." Mac told him. "Good, strong trees, too. They'll really hold their needles."

Johnny couldn't help smiling at Mac's pitch. Same pitch every year, one that would lead to a debate between him and Roy about the quality of the trees. Roy would carefully inspect each one, thumping the trunk on the asphalt, bending the branches, shaking his head until he finally found one he deemed suitable.

The process would drive Johnny absolutely insane, leading to the most nonsensical arguments between them. Inevitably, of course, Roy would find the right tree, and Johnny would grudgingly admit that he'd chosen correctly.

Of all the things Johnny missed about Roy, he didn't think he would count this among them.

"We've got this beauty." Mac's voice pulled Johnny out of his thoughts. "Grand Fir. Naturally fire-resistant. I know how important that is to you boys."

Reggie was already inspecting the tree, taking in the dimensions before shaking his head. "That thing'll take up the whole day room. You got something a little smaller?"

Mac nodded firmly. "How about this one? Not so wide, nice height."

Johnny took hold of the tree trunk, studying it carefully before thumping it on the asphalt. More than a few needles came loose, scattering on the pavement. "Mmm, I don't think so, Mac."

Mac waved Johnny off. "Been a little dry lately. Let's find you boys a nice, fresh one."

Johnny and Reggie looked at each other, and Reggie's amusement was obvious. "You go through this every year?"

"Every year since the station opened." Johnny answered. "See, Roy used to…well, never mind."

"Here we go." Mac called out. "This one won't take up too much space. Smell that."

Johnny leaned closer and inhaled the piney, citrusy scent, instantly taking him back to Christmases past, not just at the station, but at Roy's house. Something stabbed at him at the memory, and he found himself blinking hard.

"Something wrong, Johnny?" Mac asked.

"No, nothing." Johnny shook his head to clear it, picking up the tree and thumping it. Nothing fell off this time, and when Reggie brushed his hand along the branch, the needles sprung back easily.

He nodded his approval. "Seems like a good one, Johnny."

"Think you're right, Reg." Johnny responded. "Mac, we'll take it."

"Fantastic." Mac beamed. "Bring that up front and we'll get you rung up."

Soon the tree and the wreathes were loaded onto the squad, and they were on their way back to the station. Johnny backed the squad into the bay, where they were immediately greeted by Cap.

"Chet, Marco, get that tree unloaded." He told them before turning his attention back to Johnny and Reggie. "You guys find the wreathes?"

"Sure did, Cap." Reggie answered as they both climbed down from the squad.

Chet and Marco dragged the tree off the squad before Johnny climbed up to grab the wreathes, handing the one with the red bow to Mike. "Here. Big red bow for Big Red."

Mike's face lit up. "Perfect, Johnny. Thanks."

He immediately set to work affixing it to the front of the engine, standing back to admire his handiwork when he was done. Johnny hadn't seen Mike so pleased since, well, last Christmas.

Johnny turned his attention back to the other wreath, handing it off to Reggie. He hopped down from the back of the squad just in time to see Reggie adjusting the wreath's position before standing back, frowning and shaking his head before moving to adjust it again.

"Looks good, Reg." Johnny told him.

"I don't know." Reggie shook his head. "Still looks a little crooked."

Johnny tilted his head, trying to see what Reggie saw. He stepped forward and adjusted it again, a bit of the glitter from the ribbon falling on his hands. He brushed it away as he stepped back and took another look. "There. How's that?"

Reggie folded his arms over his chest and nodded. "Looks just about right."

Johnny couldn't help thinking back to previous Christmases again, the discussion and debate, the seemingly endless fussing with the decorations to make them just right. Roy, ever the perfectionist, teaming up with Cap and driving the rest of the crew nearly insane.

To not have him here as part of this made it all feel wrong, somehow.

He found himself moving to readjust the wreath one more time, tugging at the ribbon until the bow was neatly aligned, the wreath perfectly centered.

Johnny could almost hear Roy's voice in his head. "Perfect."

"Perfect." Johnny said out loud.

Reggie nodded in agreement, clapping Johnny's shoulder. "Perfect."

A loud crash drew their attention, and they both trotted to the day room, where Chet was staring wide-eyed at a box of ornaments that were now scattered across the floor.

Johnny was equally horrified and amused. "Chet, what'd you do?"

"Me?" Chet squeaked. "I didn't do anything."

Marco shook his head, still laughing. "He tripped over thin air."

Chet fixed Marco with a sharp glare. "Maybe you could quit laughing and help me clean this mess up."

Marco didn't quit laughing, but he did move to start picking up the ornaments while Reggie grabbed the broom from a nearby corner. Johnny kneeled down and started to salvage what remained.

He picked up the box that he knew contained their individual ornaments. That first Christmas the station had opened, Captain Hammer had suggested they all make their own ornaments. Johnny recalled how they had all scoffed at the idea, making jokes about arts and crafts class.

But now, opening the box, Johnny had to admit he was grateful for it. Captain Hammer had taken his ornament with him to his new station, and they had all but forced Captain Stanley to make his own ornament for the tree. Now that Reggie was here, Johnny realized that they would have to have him do the same.

"Johnny, you gonna help, or you just gonna stare at that box?" Chet's voice pulled him out of his reverie.

Johnny lifted his head. "Found our individual ornaments. Good thing you didn't bust those, Chet."

"Very funny." Chet shot back before turning to Reggie. "You know, Reg, you've got to make one, too."

"Do I, now?" Reggie seemed skeptical.

"That's right." Cap nodded. "These twits made me do one my first Christmas here. It's a proud tradition."

Reggie shrugged as he swept bits of glass into the dustpan Mike held. "Suppose I'll think of something."

Johnny picked up Roy's ornament, turning it over in his hands. One man gone, another one taking his place. The thought didn't hurt nearly as much now as it once did, but it did still send a pang through him.

"Think maybe I'll take Roy's ornament." Johnny suddenly voiced his thought. "Maybe Jo will wanna put it up on their tree."

The room fell silent for a long moment until Cap broke it. "I think that's very thoughtful."

The others murmured their agreement, and as soon as everything was cleaned up, the focus turned to the tree itself. Mike wound the lights around it while everyone else started adding decorations.

Johnny decided to step away and made his way to the locker room, opening the door and staring at the ornament in his hand for a long moment before sticking it in his shoe. He was planning on meeting up with Joanne for the kids' school Christmas concert the next evening anyway. That would be the perfect time to give it to her.

"Johnny?" Cap's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "Are you doing okay?"

"I guess." Johnny shrugged. If he told Cap too much, he would surely insist that he go see the department shrink, and Johnny didn't want to do that.

Cap let out a short sigh. "I know it's tough. I suppose I hoped that getting the place fixed up would help boost everyone's spirits."

"It's not your fault, Cap." Johnny told him quietly.

"It's not yours, either." Cap replied. "And if the situation were reversed, believe me, I'd tell Roy the same thing."

"I'm sure you're right." Johnny could hear and feel the tension in his own voice.

"Johnny." Cap's voice was kindly, almost more so than Johnny could take.

Johnny took in a deep breath and exhaled forcefully. "It's okay, Cap. Really."

Cap's hand landed on Johnny's shoulder. "Hang in there, Johnny."

"I'm trying."

With that, Cap left Johnny standing at his open locker. He took one last look at the ornament before finally closing the locker door and returning to the day room.

He leaned against the door frame, watching as Chet and Marco hung ornaments under Cap's direction while Reggie sat at the table, working on his own ornament and Mike sat on the couch untangling garland.

It was starting to look a little more festive, Johnny had to admit. He still didn't feel so festive himself, but he supposed he could put a good face on things for the time being.

Eventually, he'd catch the spirit. He was sure of it.

# # #

"Mom!" Jenny called out from her room. "I can't find my shoes!"

"Hold on." Joanne called back. "Chris, what did you do with that tie that Grandma bought you?"

"I don't like it." Chris scowled, folding his arms over his chest as he sat on the bed.

Joanne sighed. "I know you don't. Would you please wear it just this once? Just to make Grandma happy."

The scowl never left Chris's face as he snatched up the bow tie and handed it to Joanne. "I can't put it on."

"Turn up your collar." Joanne instructed him. She adjusted the band so that it fit Chris's neck and played with the bow itself a bit to make it look as if she had tied it herself. "There. You look very handsome. Now then, get your shoes on. I'm going to help Jenny find hers, and then we'll get going."

Chris nodded silently and did as he was told while Joanne made her way to Jenny's room. "Jenny?"

"I found them, Mom." Jenny held up the patent leather Mary Janes.

"Wonderful." Joanne answered, trying to hold back her irritation. "Put them on. We're going to be late."

"Are Grandma and Grandpa DeSoto going to be there?" Jenny asked.

"They are." Joanne told her. "They made a special trip just to see you two."

"Is Uncle Johnny going to be there?" Jenny asked. "He promised."

"Yes, he's going to be there." Joanne responded as she buckled Jenny's shoes. "He's meeting us there."

Finally, she managed to get both kids out the door and into the car, and they were soon on their way to the school, with Jenny singing "Jingle Bells" at the top of her lungs.

Joanne could already feel the headache building. It had been a long day already, having helped out at the preschool early in the day, then dropping in on the widows' support group in the afternoon.

She didn't go often, but with Christmas coming on the heels of a Thanksgiving that had nearly been a disaster, she needed the support and guidance of others. Thankfully, this group of women had welcomed her with open arms and a whole lot of shoulders to cry on.

There was still so much she needed to do. She'd barely done any shopping, she hadn't bought a tree, and she hadn't gotten down decorations from the attic. Then there was still the holiday itself to consider. Both her parents and Roy's parents had invited her and the kids, but if Joanne was being completely honest, spending the day at home sounded divine.

She wondered what Johnny's plans were. He wouldn't be working, unless he decided to pick up someone else's shift that day, but Joanne wasn't sure if it would be appropriate to invite him over.

Well, she supposed she and Johnny had gone well past the point of what would be considered appropriate quite some time ago.

Still, it wouldn't be so unusual to invite him to join her and the kids. It would be just like any other evening, albeit with the extra significance of being their first Christmas without Roy.

She sighed softly as she pulled into the parking lot, spotting Johnny's Rover and parking her car next to it before shutting it off. "Okay, let's go."

The kids climbed out and they all started toward the school building. She spotted Johnny immediately, along with her own parents and Roy's parents. He seemed to spot her, too, flashing her a quick smile and a nod.

"I'll be right there." She told them.

"Don't worry, we'll save you a seat." Johnny called out cheerfully as Joanne shepherded the kids down the hallway to their respective teachers.

She managed to get them dropped off and made her way to the cafeteria in search of the rest of the family and Johnny. As she walked down the aisle, she finally saw Johnny stand up and wave her over, and she carefully eased her way down the row and took the empty seat between her mother and Johnny.

Her mother cast a sideways glance at Joanne when Johnny rested his arm across the back of her chair but said nothing.

"Everything okay?" Johnny murmured quietly.

"Of course." Joanne assured him. "I just had the devil's own time getting the kids out the door."

Johnny briefly squeezed her shoulder, which earned another sharp look from her mother. But there was little time to think about that now as the first class took to the risers.

There was something about these concerts that Joanne found endearing, even if they were sometimes a little hard on the ears. The kids were all trying their best, and Joanne found her spirits started to lift a little.

Jenny's class took the stage, and Joanne could see her searching the crowd, though she thought they were far enough back that Jenny couldn't pick them out. They started with the same rendition of "Jingle Bells" that Jenny had been singing in the car. It sounded much better when Jenny was joined with twenty other children, though equally enthusiastic.

Two more classes performed before Chris's class took the stage. He still didn't look particularly happy to be up there, but he was no longer scowling as he was earlier.

"That tie is perfect for him." Her mother leaned over and whispered. "You'll have to make sure he wears it for Christmas, too."

Joanne merely smiled. If only she knew what Joanne had gone through to get it on him.

The concert ended with a singalong of "We Wish You A Merry Christmas", and it was only as they all rose to their feet and started that Joanne realized that singing was not among Johnny's talents. Bless his soul, he was certainly making an honest effort. Joanne couldn't help but smile listening to him, and she reached out to squeeze his hand.

Johnny glanced at her, smiling ever so slightly and squeezing her hand in response. That simple move sent something through her, though she couldn't quite define it.

She pushed the feeling aside, chiding herself for even having such a thought, releasing Johnny's hand as they filed out of the cafeteria and gathered out in the hallway. Both kids came running down the hallway to meet them, racing to Roy's parents first before moving on to Joanne's parents.

Roy's mother reached out and hugged Joanne tightly. "Thank you so much for inviting us, dear. And you let us know about Christmas, okay?"

"Thank you, Harriet." Joanne hugged her back in response. "And I will."

Roy's father did the same. "Glad you've got Johnny around. Roy always spoke highly of him." He told Joanne.

"Yes, he's been a very good friend to us." Joanne replied. "You drive safely. I know it's a long drive home."

They both nodded to Johnny and to Joanne's parents, giving the kids one last hug before leaving. Joanne's mother let out a short sigh. "We should be going, too. Are you going to the DeSotos' for Christmas?"

"I haven't decided yet." Joanne told her firmly. "As soon as we get it figured out, I'll let you know."

"There's no rush." Her mother assured her as she hugged her tightly. "I'll be there to pick up the kids to take them shopping on Saturday."

"Thank you." Joanne replied, hugging her in response. "I'll see you then."

Finally, they all started toward the parking lot and went their separate ways, and Jenny immediately took Johnny's hand. "Uncle Johnny, did you hear me singing "Jingle Bells"?"

"I sure did." Johnny told her. "How did you know that was one of my favorites?"

"Uncle Johnny, you're silly." Jenny replied with a laugh.

They soon arrived at their respective vehicles, and Joanne unlocked the car so that the kids could climb in. "Say goodnight to Uncle Johnny."

Jenny gave Johnny a tight hug, and even Chris gave Johnny a brief hug. "I'll see you guys around, okay?"

The kids both said their goodnights before climbing into the backseat, and Joanne closed the door before leaning against the car with a sigh. "Thank you for coming. I know it's probably not your idea of an exciting night out."

Johnny shrugged and smiled slightly, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I had a good time. Those kids sing a hell of a lot better than I do."

Joanne couldn't help laughing. "I wasn't going to say anything."

"A man's gotta know his limitations." Johnny answered, obviously amused. Suddenly something seemed to occur to him. "I've got something for you. Hold on."

He turned around and unlocked the Rover, climbing inside and emerging with an object. At first, Joanne couldn't tell what it was.

"We finally got a tree up at the station." Johnny told her, playing with the object in his hand. "The first year we were all stationed together, Captain Hammer had us make our own ornaments. Ran across Roy's and thought maybe you'd wanna put it on your own tree."

Johnny held out the object, and Joanne took it, though it was hard to see the details in the low light of the parking lot. The memory came back to her in an instant, of how Roy had made some offhanded comment about doing arts and crafts on the job.

He'd done a lovely job, of course. Roy had a strong artistic bent, though he hadn't had much opportunity to indulge in that in recent years. It was one of the qualities that had attracted Joanne to him. "It's lovely, Johnny. But I haven't even gotten a tree yet. I don't know if I will this year."

Johnny looked baffled before nodding. "Yeah, I get it. If it hadn't been for Cap bugging us, we wouldn't have put one up, either. Looks pretty good, though."

Joanne stepped forward and hugged Johnny tightly. "Thank you."

Joanne felt Johnny's arms wrap around her. "Ah, you're welcome. Just seemed right for you to have it, you know? And hey, maybe we can go find you a tree while the kids are gone with your mom. I'll even help you decorate it if you want."

"I'll think about it and let you know." Joanne told him softly.

"Okay." Johnny lightly rubbed her back before letting her go. "Suppose I'll head home. Got my own tree I need to put up."

Johnny leaned in as if he were about to kiss her before his eyes flicked to the car. Instead, he pulled back and lightly squeezed Joanne's hand. "I'll call you."

"Okay." Joanne squeezed his hand in response before letting go and rounding the front of the car to climb in. She closed the door and started it up, waving to Johnny.

He smiled ever so slightly and waved back before turning to climb up into the Rover, starting it up and driving off.

"Mom?" Jenny's sleepy voice carried from the back seat.

"Yes, sweetheart?" Joanne looked in the rear view mirror as she put the car in gear and started to drive out of the parking lot.

"Is Uncle Johnny going to come over for Christmas?"

"I don't know." Joanne replied. "He might have his own plans."

"I don't wanna go anywhere for Christmas." Chris piped up. "I wanna stay home."

"Well, maybe we can do that." Joanne told him. "Maybe we'll just stay in our pajamas all day. What do you think of that?"

"Yeah." Jenny replied. "Can Uncle Johnny still come over?"

"He can." Joanne answered carefully. "If he wants to."

Jenny immediately started talking excitedly about everything she wanted to do on Christmas, and Joanne had to admit she found herself getting caught up in Jenny's excitement. Even Chris seemed interested, adding his own suggestions.

"Well, I think that all sounds lovely." Joanne told them as she pulled into the driveway. "But we'll talk about all of that another time. Right now you two need to get to bed. You still have school tomorrow."

Both kids groaned in exasperation, though Joanne knew they were both tired enough that they would fall asleep not long after their heads hit the pillow.

Sure enough, as Joanne tucked them in, they soon fell asleep, and suddenly Joanne was alone in a quiet house.

Well, if she was going to get a tree, it would need decorations. And while she was getting the tree decorations, she might as well get down the other decorations she usually put up around the house.

This Christmas definitely wouldn't be a usual Christmas. But perhaps that wouldn't be so bad. Maybe this was a chance to start over, to start new traditions for their changed family.

As she brought the decorations down from the attic and started placing them around the house, she started humming to herself. It was starting to look a little like Christmas, and Joanne's heart felt just a little lighter.

She might make it through this season after all.