Hi guys !

Sorry for the slight delay, I let time run past me. This week, I post two chapters, which have the same first paragraph so d'ont be alarmed. After the short starting point, they take very different directions, don't worry. Those stories begin during Harry's second year, and star our very own Dobby.

As I'm still French, and don't have a beta, all mistakes are my own, and if you spot one, I'll happily correct it. Also, I have a few chapter to publish yet, but not much, so if you have ideas (serious, stupid, crazy, any) that you want me to try, I'd be happy to hear them! It can even be some crossover if I have a vague understanding of the universe you want me to send an elf to (I have no knowledge about animes or mangas though).

Have fun reading! I'll be happy to read your review!

Bludgering bludger and snarky snake

Dobby was desperate. His bludger had almost killed the Great Harry Potter. Yet, he was set on staying in Hogwarts.

People were getting petrified all around him, quite literally. It was dangerous. It was evil magic. He didn't know what else he could do about it. Short of kidnapping the Great Harry Potter, there was no solution in sight.

He watched the great friend of Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, searching for clues in the library. She was mumbling that the answers were there. Harry couldn't be hearing voices just now, when a monster was supposedly roaming the castle. She read and read and read.

Dobby didn't know how to read, but if miss Granger could find answers in books, maybe it was time for him to learn. So, he used all the children books of master Draco to teach himself. He knew the stories by heart, having heard him decipher them countless times. Dobby was very intelligent, and very sneaky for an elf. Otherwise, how could he have tried to save the Great Harry Potter's live without his master knowing about it?

Now, he knew how to read, and how to count too. But he wasn't much closer to his goals. He kept listening to miss Hermione Granger whenever he could, which wasn't nearly as much as he wanted, because his master loved to give him work.

When miss Hermione discovered the truth, he was giddy. Finally, the danger could be dealt with! Unfortunately, she got petrified. Dobby didn't see what made her in this state, but he knew what it was, he read it on the piece of paper she had in her hand. A few minutes later, the Great Harry Potter was sitting at her hospital bed, dejected. Seeing the Great Harry Potter so sad, Dobby made a decision.

If the wizards wouldn't protect the children, he would. He thought and thought and thought, and he concluded that he could. He was bound to protect the Malfoy family after all. And the Malfoy Heir was in the school, right? The monster was endangering him. If by taking out the monster, he saved the Great Harry Potter from great danger, it was not his fault.

He stole the black Diary that his master put in Ginny Weasley schoolbooks. He sneaked into his master library at night, to read everything he had on Slytherin and monsters. There was a lot, but he also used his master's Time Turner, so he could go faster. One April first, he went to a certain bathroom in Hogwarts. He hissed at the sink, just like he saw Ginny Weasley do.

He went into a disgusting tunnel. He hitched to clean it, but it wasn't his mission right now. He looked at the shed skin with wonder. The monster must be huge! He opened his bottomless bag and stored it inside. He couldn't let such a treasure rot there.

He hissed again at a door full or snakes. Behind, was a big room. Salazar Slytherin secret chamber. It smelled funny. Once again, Dobby wanted to clean it. Maybe after he took care of the giant basilisk who was hidden there, he reasoned with himself. Taking out of his bag some kind of strange flute, he started to play. Soon after, the mouth of Salazar Slytherin humongous bust opened. A basilisk, about sixty Dobby's long, slithered out of it, like an overgrown and ugly tongue. Dobby had his eyes closed, but he could hear the sound of the scales against the stone floor. He kept playing, carefully repeating the same melody over and over. Soon, the deadly snake started to move with it, undulating in rhythm.

Two hours later, when Dobby was absolutely sure that he had successfully hypnotised the basilisk, he opened his eyes. The snake's eyes were blue, just like that very darkest dark book had said. They were innocuous in that form. Now was the tricky part. Dobby wasn't a Parselmouth. He was just really good at imitating people's voices. He could do any one he ever encountered. He had even once started a blood feud between House Corgula and House Mudwaters by impersonating their heirs. He was just an elfling at the time, a bored elfling. Nobody realised it was him, and both Houses annihilated each other in less than twelve hours, so by the time he'd realise what he'd done, there was nothing he could do about it. He never tried that again. If his masters learned about his talent, he shuddered at what they would do with them.

Well, the basilisk blue eyes were fascinating, but Dobby had things to do, very important things. He drew a pentagram on the floor, with rook blood mixed with accromentula venom and cinnamon. He added the cinnamon, because the smell of the mixture was bad. Then, he intoned the very long and very complicated and very ancient incantation needed to switch the monster's allegiance.

The incantation was very long. It took him twelve hours to finish it. When the basilisk woke, he gave it the name Snarky, because it had a great sense of humour.

It is how Dobby became the first ever elf to be the master of another living being, thus freeing him from any previous bonds. It is how Dobby started to win a war that had not even begun. It is how Dobby saved the life of the Great Harry Potter, and avoided him some pain, death and misery.

"Go and kill your former master." Dobby told Snarky, some time later, once he had cleaned all the chamber, Snarky's den, and living quarters he found hissing randomly at the walls. Thanks to the Darkest Dark Ritual, he now could speak the tongue of his new servant.

Snarky's first act after that was to bite the journal, who screamed and dirtied the floor with his black yucky ink. Dobby had to snap his finger three time to make it disappear! Then the snake left the Chamber, and started hunting. It found a diadem, in some other secret room in the castle, then a boy in a dormitory, but his master Dobby told him to never harm humans so he left it alone. It found a ring in an abandoned shack, it found a locket in the middle of a big city, it found a cup in some underground complex. Right before bashing the door keeping him from accessing the cup, he feasted on a delicious dragon, and three little creatures who tried to attack him with swords. He bit every object, making sure that he filled it with venom. Then, it came back to Hogwarts to rest for a while, as the winter months were approaching.

Snarky was very happy when he came back to the castle, just in time to protect it from a dragon invasion in the forest. He also took care of the numerous big spiders, his size doubling in the process. It wasn't well known, but when a basilisk ate something, it gained its magic too. So now, he could sprout webs and breath fire, because he ate enough of those creatures to gain their abilities. He'd need about twenty more dragon to be able to fly though. He didn't think he needed to sprout legs, it would look silly.

He told his master Dobby that a boy smelled like master Tom. Master Dobby taught him how to read, so he could help to research how to take it out. They read, and read, and read, Dobby sneakily borrowing books from all over the world.

Finally, just as Harry Potter was whisked away to some cemetery, they found the solution.

Dobby made quick work of finding the Great Harry Potter, who was at the time tied up to a gravestone. He, of course, untidied him. Snarky bit the little squeaky thing in the fuming cauldron, that smelled like his former master. Dobby drew on the ground another pentagram, with unicorn blood freely given, thestral dung freely given, his own bones powder freely given, a veela hair freely given, and cinnamon. Dobby loved the smell of cinnamon.

There was no long incantation, no weird language, just the will to separate evil from good. He set the pentagram on fire, who burned bright pink, then silver, then orange, then gold, then all of those colours mixed in a psychedelic fashion. Harry Potter, standing in the middle, had his mouth open, but no sound was leaving it. The spectacle lasted for about 7 minutes, then he sagged. A black mist was slowly being extracted from his scar towards the multicolour fire. Another seven minutes, and the deed was done.

Tom Marvolo Riddle was dead dead, absolutely completely dead. Peter Pettigrew was petrified, literally petrified by the spilled cauldron.

When Dobby brought back an unconscious Harry Potter, and a dead Cedric Diggory to Hogwarts, it was pandemonium. He showed Mrs Bone where they were, and explained what his and his familiar did. No one believed him, until they saw the sight.

Later on, the most educated free elf and basilisk Earth had ever known teamed up with Luna Lovegood and became the most feared hunters of dark wizards and witches of all times.

Harry Potter married an alien woman named Cassandra Fraser and they lived happily ever after with their twenty-two adopted children, three cats, five dogs, two goats, seventy dragons, two basilisk hatchlings, eight sheeps, nine monkeys, two nundus, forty-seven unas friends, four sharks… Well, they liked to rescue the ones in need. They were good at it, too.