Chapter 74

Blindly

Sanji was examining the clean dish towels that he had put to dry on the railing of the Sunny an hour earlier, taking advantage of a sunny interval in the gloomy weather of the last few days.

At Malek's request, the blond had promised to show him his cheese soufflé recipe and as snack time approached, the two cooks had started preparations for their friends. While cooking, Malek had started making cocktails to accompany the soufflé and Sanji had decided to take the opportunity to collect and wash the table linens. A few minutes later, attracted by the good smell that spread across the ship, the entire crew had entered the galley and their members had happily walked past the blond to anticipate their snack by sitting directly around the table.

Now, it was almost time and Luffy urged the two latecomers to join them so that they could eat. With the cook outside, Zoro was indeed the only one not to have come up at the same time as his friends and when he finally showed up, Sanji glanced at him while folding his dry laundry. The swordsman's revelation a few days earlier had left him stunned before triggering a whole series of questions. Sanji was convinced that a perfectly logical reason explained the loss of connection that the swordsman was experiencing with his blades but he had not yet determined what it could be. Zoro had not been inclined to talk about it again either and the blond had ended up with the most diverse hypotheses without knowing in which direction to go.

"I'm gonna tell them."

Sanji immediately frowned. The fencer had walked past him but had not yet opened the galley door, turning his back on him.

"What are you gonna tell them?"

"You know what."

Sanji left his dish towels on the railing, furious. He didn't understand why the swordsman didn't even seem to be trying to fight to reconnect with his swords. He felt like his confession had given Zoro permission to accept that he was only a shadow of his former self now. For his part, witnessing Zoro wanting to give up what held his entire being together was unbearable and he refused to see him die out. The swordsman had entrusted him with his secret and by letting Sanji know before the others, the blond reckoned that he had a say.

"Enlighten me, mosshead," he insisted in a dull voice, "What are you gonna tell them?"

Zoro remained motionless, still with his back to him.

"Everything. That I lost my bond with my swords. That I tried to find it again but failed." The wind suddenly blew between them and the cook saw his companion lower his head, "That I will never be the best swordsman in the world."

Sanji clenched his jaw. "Do not do that."

"I can't lie to them any longer, I've already waited too long…"

"I'm not talking about that, stupid." In two strides, the blond reached the fencer and grabbed his forearm. "Tell the crew that you can't hear your swords if you want, talk to Luffy about your doubts if it helps but don't give up on your dream." He growled, forcing Zoro to turn towards him, "If you give up today, even temporarily, you'll never be the same again."

The swordsman didn't try to escape him. He only raised his eyes resignedly and met the furious gaze of the blond.

"Without them, I can't do it," he murmured.

"I understood what you told me last time, I'm not stupid." The cook stared at him, "What you're doing makes no sense, and it's not like you. Where's your will, this pride that made you stop at nothing? Where's your fighting spirit, that of the warrior who welcomed challenges to be even stronger? Where's the swordsman of the Straw Hat crew, Zoro?!"

The man looked back at him for a second before shaking his head. "I tried, cook. Believe me, I'd rather die than come to this point but I tried everything: I trained, I meditated, I rested, I did all Chopper's exercises and nothing has changed."

"You told me," the blond pointed out, "Why?"

Zoro shrugged his shoulders limply. "I don't know… Chopper told me that talking to someone about my situation would help me see things more clearly and I had nothing to lose. But that didn't work either…"

"It's because you gave up at the same time as you told me!" The cook reproached him, "Since that minute, I've been racking my brain to find a solution while you have given up!"

"Because I don't know how to keep living," the swordsman replied gently. "I feel like I'm losing everything and when I close my eyes, I can't see anything…"

"You idiot, that's exactly why you told me!" As the swordsman frowned, the blond's hand tightened on his forearm. "You told me to keep fighting, to keep hoping! Because you knew I'd refuse to accept it."

Sanji looked into the eyes of his companion who was observing him again, visibly troubled.

"Borrow my eyes, Zoro. Borrow my eyes and you'll see that nothing is lost."

The man observed him for a few seconds longer, uncertain. "I don't understand what you m-

"Sanji, Zoro! Hurry up, I'm hungry!"

The swordsman instinctively looked up at the door but the pressure of the blond's hand brought his attention back to him just as quickly.

"Don't give up."

Sanji finally loosened his fingers from the fencer's arm and his hand brushed against his bare skin. Zoro continued to stare at him for a second then he took a deep breath before turning away to open the galley door.

The blond watched him cross the threshold, apprehension brutally knotting his stomach. This time, the die was cast.

Zoro sat wordlessly between Chopper and Robin around the table while Sanji came to stand alongside Malek near the worktops. The dark-haired cook soon opened the oven door to take out the soufflé and exclamations of joy were heard. A few seconds later, Sanji cut out generous slices for their friends and Malek began to serve their drinks.

"Vivi and Nojiko shouldn't be long, I can't wait to see them!" The navigator rejoiced while grabbing her napkin.

"The coming week promises to be busy," Brook noted. "Between welcoming our guests and our fiancés' bachelor parties, it'll make the time fly!"

"These last few days passed by pretty quickly." Usopp sighed, "I can't believe that in less than two weeks, you'll both be married…"

"I can't wait to see it!" Chopper got enthused as Malek gave him a cocktail. "This whole organization took a lot of work but I hope you enjoy the result!"

"There are still a few details to be worked out," Robin reminded them.

"I'm sure it'll be a super success!" Franky affirmed, looking with gusto at the slices of soufflé that Sanji was checking.

"It's gonna be awesome!" His captain immediately added, his fork brandished in anticipation of the snack which was approaching. The blond set down the plates at the same time as Malek finished serving his cocktails and quickly, the sound of cutlery was heard among discussion.

"Luffy, we need to come and make adjustments for your suit," Usopp reminded him.

"Again?" The straw hat boy wondered while noisily shoving his soufflé into his mouth. "If you could stop stretching in your suit, we wouldn't need to go back there," the sniper grumbled. "The fabric may be of good quality, but it remains fragile."

"The dresses of the best women and bridesmaid have arrived," Robin told the future bride.

"I hope they'll be as beautiful as in the catalog," Nami sighed dreamily.

"There's no reason they won't," her friend reassured her.

"You're gonna look super cute in these pink dresses!" Franky got enthused.

"So you had the opportunity to see them?" The musician asked him enviously.

"I went with the girls and Malek at the same time as we bought groceries!" The cyborg replied.

"You could have said so," Sanji growled, making sure his princesses didn't miss anything.

"You were at the All Blue with Elio and Sam; I didn't think about telling you," the other cook apologized.

"Don't worry, Sanji, you can come with us to collect my suit and Usopp's!" The little reindeer offered him.

"I'm almost finished building the reception room!" The shipwright continued, "I included a terrace and a large bay window with a view of the ocean!"

"We paid attention to the acoustics with Liam," Brook added. "The result should be majestic!"

"There'll be garlands of flowers and candles under a glass on each table!" Chopper continued excitedly, "This way, the atmosphere will be elegant but secure!"

"It's safer," Malek agreed.

"I need to tell you something."

The crew glanced at the swordsman who had just spoken, surprised. Zoro had been so taciturn lately that hearing him speak up on his own was as unexpected as it was disconcerting. Immediately, the expressions became more serious and the enthusiasm waned. From their friend's tone, everyone had understood that this was an important moment and silence fell in the room.

Busy cutting up pieces of Cantal and Comté cheeses to store them in the Sunny's pantry, Sanji didn't look up from his task. He knew what the fencer wanted to tell and the only uncertainty was whether Zoro would take their last discussion into account. Beside him, Malek had paused anxiously and the silence was tense in the room. All eyes were turned to the swordsman whose eyes were fixed on his hands, betraying his discomfort.

In the end, Chopper placed his little paw on his arm to encourage him. "Did you want to talk to us, Zoro?"

At these words, the swordsman seemed to come out of his contemplation and he shifted in his chair before nodding. "Yeah. I haven't been feeling so great lately as you know…"

His friends exchanged embarrassed glances and Usopp ended up clearing his throat. "Most of us had questions," he admitted on behalf of his friends, "But you know, we're sure it's not that serious and that you-

"It is. It's serious."

A dead silence stretched out this time in the galley and Sanji cut up his slice of Cantal cheese even more, his teeth clenched.

"This is… This is about my swords," the swordsman said.

"Your swords?" Nami repeated, surprised.

"Were they damaged?" Malek asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

"It's because of this fight against the Vice-Admiral; he probably weakened them," Brook lamented.

"There's a good blacksmith on All Blue," Franky remembered. "Did you talk to him?"

"I think we should listen to what Zoro wants to tell us first," Chopper interrupted.

"Let's not anticipate unnecessarily," Robin agreed.

The attention of all his crewmates turned to him again and the swordsman bit his lip, clearly uncomfortable. "It's not… easy to say," he murmured after a few moments, his eyes down.

"Just say it, Zoro," his captain said from across the table, "Whatever it is, we'll listen all the way." The swordsman raised his head to meet the clear gaze of the straw hat boy staring at him and this contact seemed to give him the courage to continue. He kept his eyes fixed on him then.

"I… have lost contact with my swords since my fight against that Vice-Admiral." The crew members frowned, visibly lost, and Zoro closed his eyes for a second to try to find his words. "It's like I can't communicate with them now. Like I can't hear them or… something like that. It has nothing to do with my eye," he added in front of the silent question of the doctor. "My body's fine; I have completely recovered."

Zoro slowly took a breath, his throat suddenly tight. "I don't know what happened but ever since I fought that guy, I haven't been the same and I…"

The swordsman's emotion was palpable at that moment and all his friends shuddered. Had they ever heard Zoro flinch? For as long as they could remember, their first mate has been a rock. He made the tough decisions that no one dared to consider and apart from Luffy, they obeyed him without trying to understand.

"I-I can't fight anymore," he finally admitted in a breath. "I've tried everything but without my swords I can't do anything…"

Zoro tried to regain his breathing and control of his voice. Around him, the crew no longer dared to move but Luffy's gaze was still intense on his first mate. The swordsman ended up looking away to escape it.

"That's why I wanted to tell you that I-

"Zoro."

The man raised his head and met the angry gaze of the blond focused on him. Zoro swallowed. He knew Sanji was angry at him for not fighting more but he had never been prepared to fight this type of battle. The blond had told him that he was wrong, but Zoro couldn't imagine a positive outcome to his situation.

He looked into the blue eyes of the cook, who was glaring at him, and lost himself there for a moment. He felt surrounded with no escape within reach but Sanji seemed to believe. He seemed to perceive something Zoro no longer saw. Could he follow him blindly? The blond thought that if he had told him, it was to better keep hope. Had Zoro confided in his companion with the unconscious conviction that Sanji would hold him back when he felt ready to give up? If there was even the slightest chance that he could still achieve his dream, shouldn't he seize it?

Zoro suddenly became aware that his friends had their eyes fixed on their silent exchange and he looked down again.

"I wanted to tell you that… I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner… Being deprived of my connection to my swords is unbearable and I don't understand what's happening to me."

When he looked up at them, they were still petrified. Usopp was the first to try to speak again. "Don't worry about that, no one blames you. You're facing something new, it's okay to not be comfortable…"

"I know that talking about it isn't easy for you; I'm proud of you," the little reindeer congratulated him.

"That's very courageous," Malek agreed.

"I don't have this type of connection with my sword but if I were deprived of my music, I can't imagine how bad I would feel," Brook said in turn.

"If we can help you with anything, you know you can count on us," Nami offered him.

"We are a crew but above all, we are a family," Robin reminded him.

"We'll always support you, bro!" Franky concluded forcefully.

The compassionate and affectionate looks of his crewmates bothered the swordsman.

"It's just… I wanted to tell you, that's all." Zoro got up to quickly head towards the exit and escape this atmosphere. It felt too indulgent for his taste. He didn't want their pity and the door closed behind him soon.

The crew had figured out that they would get nothing from the fencer but they were eager for answers and they turned with curiosity towards the blond who had started piling up the dishes as if nothing had happened.

"Zoro will get much better now!"

The smile of the cook when hearing the straw hat boy surprised the rest of the crew but soon, everyone shook their heads and slowly began to eat again. They didn't need to know more to be sure it would be true.

Sanji took a drag on his cigarette while looking at the ocean under the night sky. He was leaning on the rail. The rain had stopped and the humid air brought out the smell of green grass from the Sunny's lawn. At this late hour, the whole crew was asleep but the blond had wanted to leave his last cheeses in the pantry after the closing of the All Blue so that Malek could use them the next morning for the crew's breakfast.

Suddenly, footsteps were heard on the deck and the cook turned around to check the identity of his visitor. He then took another drag on his cigarette before blowing the smoke above his head while the swordsman approached and then stopped a few meters away from him.

"You got lost, mosshead? You disappeared since this afternoon," he pointed out to him.

"Tell me what you see."

Sanji pretended to raise an eyebrow, falsely surprised. "What do you mean?"

"You asked me to trust you and that's what I did."

"You decided to continue to believe then?"

"I decided to believe you. So tell me what you see so I know if it's really worth it."

Zoro closed the last few meters between them to reach the railing and the blond nodded before taking a last drag on his cigarette. "It's simple, mosshead. I see you as you've always been. With your swords. Your fucking swords…"

At that moment, the cook got rid of his cigarette while blowing his smoke towards the ocean. His gaze was fixed on the three blades on the swordsman's hips.

"These three bits of metal that I don't need to hear to know that they're essential for you. These swords that you cannot part with for even a minute while you proclaim that you wanna give them to someone else…"

Zoro kept his gaze on the figure of the cook while Sanji continued his contemplation.

"I see you with them, wherever you are and whatever you do. I see you caring for them and looking at them as if they were more precious than anything you own."

Sanji titled his head a little as if to examine them better.

"I see the warrior in you when you hold in your hands a sword that belonged to one of the greatest samurai of our era. I sense your insatiable appetite for challenge when you use the sword that caused the death of its previous owners. I feel your promise and the memory of Kuina every time you grab your white sword…"

The blond then brushed the blades with his fingertips, lost in his thoughts.

"I see you wielding them as if you were a single entity during your fights. With this… improbable grace coming from a man sometimes so boorish. With this feeling that you share something that belongs only to you. Something powerful that nothing and no one can stop. Something beautiful that deserves respect and creates reverence. Something that I admire without being able to completely understand it."

Sanji finally turned his attention back to the swordsman and noticed that he was listening attentively. He then locked his eyes on his. "You are inseparable from your swords, Zoro, and you won't be able to part with them. If you reject them, you'll just die."

The light of the moon brutally illuminated the swordsman on the deck and his earrings sparkled with the same brilliance as his blades. The cook smiled when noticing this portrait fitted so perfectly that of his memories.

"You're still the same despite these two years. You're still the demon of the East Blue, the former pirate hunter. The swordsman of the Straw Hat crew, the first mate of the future Pirate King. The next best swordsman in the world. I know who you are, Zoro. The fact that you can't hear your swords today doesn't change anything."

Emotion suddenly shone in the swordsman's one eye and Sanji couldn't help but place his hand on his crewmate's cheek to soothe him. If only Zoro could see through his eyes right now, he knew he wouldn't have any doubts left.

"I see you taking up this challenge to become even stronger," he whispered, "I see you fighting in the New World and winning battles, each more difficult than the last. I see you facing the most powerful enemies in the Grand Line. I see you challenging Mihawk and I see you becoming the best swordsman in the world, Zoro."

The swordsman flinched as much at his touch as at his words and Sanji closed his eyes, letting the words bring to life the image that danced behind his eyelids.

"I see you achieving your dream because you were born to win this battle, or die trying," he said in a breath. "And that day, none of the trials you had to endure to achieve it will matter."

The blond felt Zoro's hands on his waist and a shiver ran up his spine as his own hand slid towards the hair near the fencer's neck.

"None?"

Sanji nodded imperceptibly in return, "None."

At these words, the swordsman closed his eyes in turn and pressed their foreheads as if to better absorb the blond's vision.

"Let me borrow your eyes, Sanji. I wanna see again…"

Zoro wants to get through this and I wanted to use this metaphor of the sight. I like the idea that regaining faith can go through a period of blind belief before you can feel it again. I found this to be a great way to illustrate the strength of the bond he and Sanji still share.

I hope you liked it!