As days became weeks, life settled into a nice, digestible routine. Not that Heisenberg sought after or expected this. But now when he was here, he didn't flat-out detest it. If anything, he was more curious about why exactly he wasn't dropping this "getting to know you" business and returning to doing what he did best; soulless one-night stands. But there were plenty of those encounters too with Ethan.

They'd meet up and sometimes they'd fuck, restoring balance to the universe. Other times, they'd hang out and just bear the presence of the other. But it would never stop being a weird feeling to part ways without rolling in the sheets, even more so on the days when Rose wasn't around. It seemed that Ethan just really liked having him around. Weird.

And the days when Rose indeed was here, Ethan would be the mediator to make everyone get along. It was confusing as it was endearing. Heisenberg could even tend to Rose without getting overwrought with uncomfortable feelings. It was dawning on him that he was warming up to the kid. But only because it was hard to hate a baby.

Scary how introspective Heisenberg had gotten lately. He wasn't sure if he liked it or not. He had no conclusion on that as he sat up from bed. He didn't want to think about it either. This experiment would run its course someday, anyway. Things always seemed to end that way so it wouldn't matter what he did.

Without Rose to coo and babble, Ethan's apartment felt different, accompanied by the occasional subtle sounds. Like the building settling, cars driving by, neighbors being too loud, or the general noises of someone else being here. Heisenberg found it loud, but he got used to the ambiance. From down the narrow hallway, a shower could be heard albeit muffled behind a closed door.

It was probably needed as this morning had been a messy one, spending the time between the legs of each other instead of being productive like responsible adults but that was what Sundays were for, yes? Besides, Ethan was cute when he tried to play coy but put no effort into actually resisting.

Heisenberg got dressed fairly clearly, just in time for the bathroom door to be swung open and light footsteps to close in on the bedroom. In the doorway stood Ethan with nothing but a towel around his waist. His hair wasn't swept back so it stood like a frizzy mess, covering a scar above his eyebrow. He never mentioned where it came from.

Hickeys and bite marks had been painted across his neck and chest, contrasting his calm demeanor as if he hadn't spent the morning swept up in pleasure, clutching the sheets while he received them. The memory was enough to make lesser men crumple with want.

"So, it's Rose's first birthday soon and I was wondering if you'd like to come with me," he said as he rubbed his jaw like he tended to do after shaving.

Was this signifying a change in their routine? Would this be grounds for Heisenberg to ask about the missing fingers?

As comfortable as they had gotten with each other, there was this unspoken truth with all its unwritten rules between them that they were not in love. Not dating, not exclusive. Not owing a thing to the other.

Not involved emotionally.

So, it struck Heisenberg as concerning that he was suddenly invited to an event in which he had no emotional investment. Friends with benefits didn't drag each other to their kids' birthdays. If there was any solace in this, it was the lack of a party with tens of children running around.

"Oh?" Heisenberg raised his brow.

Ethan shuffled on his feet a bit, casting his eyes downward, his lips thinning in vulnerable discomfort. His voice lacked the usual grounded assurance. "Yeah, it-it's…I'd feel better if you're with me."

Feel.

Heisenberg didn't like that word. He didn't like that his emotional core had the wrong response to Ethan's raw exposure. He couldn't give the man what he needed and be okay with it. Didn't say nice things about him when his initial impulse compelled him to decline. But on the other hand, could he actually do that? After all, he cared enough about Ethan to avoid the inevitable look of wounded rejection.

So, Heisenberg didn't test it. For whatever goddamn reason, he didn't. Out of his mind, out of his depth, he nodded. Just so he didn't have to watch Ethan rub the stumps on his left hand out of discomfort.

"Okay. Should I build her a gift?"

The shine in Ethan's eyes returned as he lifted his head with a relieved grin. It was like he was completely unaware of the boundaries he was crossing.

"Heh, better not. Mia will murder me if she sees it."

It occurred to Heisenberg that he hadn't actually met Mia. Oh, he had heard plenty about her, from all perspectives of Ethan's emotional spectrum. The man wasn't bitter towards her per se but there was some level of discomfort whenever he spoke of her. Not quite healed from the emotional minefield that was a divorce. If that was the trap of married life, then Heisenberg would happily stay a bachelor.

That dreaded birthday party was fast approaching and before Heisenberg could emotionally put up his mental fortress, he sat on the passenger's seat of Ethan's car, driving through parts of the city, he never cared to explore.

He sank into his seat, his nerves twitching with a need for a cigar, but Ethan had banned him from smoking inside the car and there wasn't any time to do so on the parking lot. Maybe Mia wasn't so stingy with tobacco – hopefully.

The car pulled to a stop outside a row of colorful houses and the whole scene looked so idyllic, it was like ripped from a stock photo.

"It's just gonna be Mia, Alan, me, you, and the birthday kid. Maybe the neighbors will drop by. Nice and small-scale," Ethan said as if he wasn't noticing the line of cars outside the yellow house, he pointed towards. And yet they still parked on the other side of the road.

Anyway, they stepped out of the vehicle and made it across the street, now smudged in gray and brown sludgy snow. Despite coming here time and time again, Ethan did the courteous thing and knocked on the door. He tugged himself further into his jacket, tugging the present closer to himself before the door was opened.

And there stood a woman, dressed in wool top to bottom with a party hat on her head. The fabled Mia. Conventionally attractive, outwardly stable, and personable. Words could not describe how shockingly odd it was to meet the person Ethan once fell in love with so hard that they married and had a child together.

"Hi," Mia's face widened into a smile, only to fade a little as she looked at Heisenberg like she couldn't decipher if he was friend or foe.

"This is the friend I mentioned," Ethan explained before any tension could arise. Heisenberg tipped his hat, charismatic as he knew himself. "Greetings, ma'am."

"Oh, hello," Mia greeted a little cooler. A distractable aroma emerged from the house as she moved away and closed the door after the men. Freshly baked bread, mouth-watering, belying the cacophony of noises surrounding them.

"Babe, the buns are ready!" a man's voice called from the kitchen, presumably this "Alan" figure.

Mia immodestly removed herself from the foyer and hurried to the kitchen, allowing Ethan and Heisenberg to take off their clothes and enter deeper within the den of domestic lions. The house looked picturesque like it had been plucked out of a postcard. Further away, by the far end of the common room sat a group of women, around five of them with their own babies and Rose situated in the middle of them, all wearing party hats. Now that would explain the cars outside.

Ethan walked over to the gift table and put his present there before approaching the group of women and more importantly, his kid. The others shifted out of the way, watching with smiles and gentle words to their children while Ethan placated his daughter with love and attention. He didn't seem shocked that his predictions for the guest list had been off by ten people, greeting them all politely and warmly. He seemed to almost melt with ardor towards the toddlers.

The unnaturally pale light from the snow outside peered in through the window, almost surrounding the two of them like a halo. It was like they were blessed by the Black God or some other tomfoolery, Miranda would spit out. It all seemed so perfect however, and Heisenberg stood with some undefined feeling, that made him feel off balance.

He didn't like it. He didn't like the looks of happiness and joy on the women's faces. To be surrounded by and trapped in such familial bliss was suffocating. It was different when it was just him, Ethan, and Rose, ugh.

From the kitchen, Mia emerged and headed directly for Ethan, slipping past Heisenberg like a shadow. She tapped him on the shoulder, and he looked at her with momentary confusion. Gingerly, he eased Rose into the arms of an accepting woman and stood up to follow Mia into a nearby room. Heisenberg wasn't one for eavesdropping, but curiosity got the better of him and he positioned himself towards one of the room's walls, thankful that it so happened to be paper-thin.

"That man rubs me a weird way," Mia said. Her tone was monotone, belying the hostility in her words. Heisenberg didn't need to do much guesswork to figure out who she was talking about.

As awkward as it must have been to know that people were talking smack about someone behind their back, Heisenberg felt little on the inside. There was nothing but the empty void of disinterest; an all-too-familiar apathy born from having heard far worse spoken to and about him.

Ethan sighed. "Karl is a good guy. I promise you."

Oh. Picked up Karl, did he? Perhaps Heisenberg should have seen that coming. He didn't hide his first name and it wasn't such a secret either. But there was something sweet about Ethan using his first name, especially in an effort to defend him.

"Don't tell me he has been near Rose," Mia scoffed in disbelief as if they were dealing with a career criminal or a sex offender.

"He has and they do well together," Ethan answered matter-of-factly but the smile on his face was audible. "He feeds her, clothes her, bathes her, plays with her when he thinks I'm not looking. I haven't gotten him to change a diaper though."

God knew he tried. Heisenberg wasn't sensitive and he could handle dirt and grime. Diapers on the other hand filled him with some minor level of existential dread. At best, he was getting used to watching Ethan do it.

"Maybe I shouldn't be asking this but are you…going back to the other team? Because then I need to know if there've been tests and that those tests are negative. I want Rose to have her father," Mia said instead like an overbearing mother.

If she had been talking to Heisenberg, he would have laughed in her face, then openly admitted that yes indeed, he liked to fuck her ex-spouse silly pretty often and if she didn't like that, she was more than welcome to cry about it. Oh, and she could take her tests and cram 'em up her ass.

Contrast to that was Ethan who was seething with indignation. "…You can't keep using my preference as a scapegoat for what happened in Louisiana, Mia!"

"I'm not talking about that! It happened so long ago so I don't know why you keep bringing it up!" she whispered although her frustrations made it seemingly difficult to keep her voice down. Almost as if the mere mention of Louisiana hit a sore spot.

"For the love of God, don't fucking start with me today," Ethan hissed. Heisenberg didn't recall seeing him this angry. "Not on Rose's birthday, please."

"I'm just taking precautions," Mia bit back. They didn't argue any further, perhaps because the crying of a baby boy nearby reminded them of where they were.

Without another word, Ethan was the first one to go with Mia following him and closing the door, emerging into the common room as if nothing had happened. But the tension was palpable, subtle in the ways they'd look at each other with disappointment and discomfort. From the kitchen, Alan finally emerged with a basket of buns in his hands. He was around Heisenberg's age or a little older, though looking worse for wear; receding hairline, and visible bags under his eyes.

"Coffee's ready, people! Step right up," he put the basket on the table, then spun around to rush towards the kitchen again and returned with a couple of pots. He continued to make rounds between the table and the kitchen with cups, toys, and snacks for the babies.

It was not until after his final trip that he noticed Heisenberg, closing in on him like a cat seeing a frog for the first time. "Hey there, I don't think we've met. Ethan brought you along? Name's Alan. I've heard a thing or two about you. Hindenburg?"

"Heisenberg," a fake smile and a handshake to hide the steeliness of the correction. Alan didn't comment much on it, guiding the mothers to take a seat. They had brought their own special chairs for their children, occupying more than half of the table already. Mia immersed herself in a deep conversation with them when she wasn't playing with Rose. The three men present had to sit pressed together in a corner, right by the table's end where Rose sat.

"Mia's mothers' group," Ethan leaned into Heisenberg discreetly, whispering as if he had been asked a question.

"So, Ethan! Got back to your old field or are you still slaving away at the auto shop?" Alan poured himself a cup of coffee into a mug with an ugly slogan on it.

Not wanting to ruin the mood, Ethan mulled into his coffee, the corner of his mouth pulling into a practiced smirk. Heisenberg recalled he once mentioned that he used to work with cyber engineering in America. Bit of a far cry from being a mechanic.

"I like it there so…"

"Barely staying afloat, huh?"

Just catching up with the conversation, Mia turned to Alan with a frown. "Baby, please."

"What, I'm just playing with him," he smirked like a smug Cheshire cat filled to the brim with saccharine acidity as he turned to his current victim. "Ain't that right?"

Before Ethan could answer somewhere along the lines of a figurative no, a cell phone began chiming from the kitchen with one of those annoying factory-setting ringtones that made brain-rotting elevator music sound pleasant. Alan stood up from his chair and headed towards the kitchen, only to return moments later.

"Babe, I gotta go. Got a sudden call from work," he walked towards Mia, stroking her back once he stood by her chair.

"Good luck," she said, grinning when he leaned in to kiss her. Did he have to moan too? It was mercifully short however as Alan turned his attention to little Rose, cooing with her to make her laugh before he left.

As the birthday party progressed, Heisenberg could comfortably say it was not as pleasant as an experience one would think when they mentioned birthdays. Granted, Heisenberg didn't have great experiences with such events either because of the people unsuspecting outsiders would call his family. At least with Rose's celebration, there was no such acidity so he could shield himself from the instinctual unpleasantness of being surrounded by familial love.

Yet the humane side of him, the side that had a penchant for caring about very few people, was concerned about the underlying tension between Mia and Ethan. It was the subtle signs that gave it away. The way they'd avoid talking to each other directly, just float by the other when walking around with the dishes or moving gifts around for Rose.

The mothers' group was left none the wiser but Heisenberg had always been observant, catching Ethan's jaw flinch numerous times whenever Mia talked to him. When he sat by the table, his knee bounced until a hand landed on it to keep it in place. The only thing that tempered him was Rose. On the other hand, Heisenberg got himself acquainted with the single members of the mothers' group, earning a few charmed giggles and a weird stare from Ethan and Mia.

"So? How was it? Surrounded by the mothers' group, meeting Mia, meeting covert dickhead Alan?" Ethan asked once they sat in the metal fridge that was the car. He ignited the engine and allowed it to heat up a little, turning the air conditioner up to max. He shuddered a little, but Heisenberg didn't have that discomfort, not with a bag of leftover buns sitting on his lap.

"The buns were benign," Heisenberg shrugged. "The coffee was burnt however."

Ethan laughed ruefully at that as the car drove off. "Alan wouldn't know good coffee even if you smashed him in the head with a sack of Kona beans. But he is a great baker."

Silence pooled in the vehicle while its engine faded into white noise. As it was already dark outside, the glowing panels of the car were the only indicator of Ethan's mood. He wasn't smiling, far from it. His hands tightened around the steering wheel, and he drove stiffly. Still responsibly but not in a way that would make Heisenberg sit back and relax for the ride. So he didn't, nudging Ethan in his ribs until he squirmed.

"Oof, what was that for? I'm driving," he huffed.

"Can you see the road when you're crying, little Ethan?" Heisenberg smirked, considering what parts he should nudge next.

"I'm not crying."

"Then why are you frowning?"

"It's just…I had an argument sort of with Mia. Today of all times about us. You and me," Ethan ended up sighing after a suspiciously long pause.

Just for the sake of courtesy and good taste, Heisenberg decided to play dumb as if he hadn't heard that conversation already. "She doesn't know about…?"

"I think she figured it out herself because she knows that I like men – as I like women. She was always weird about it but never mentioned it – until Louisiana. Then suddenly it wasn't just a problem but the problem," Ethan soured as he spoke.

What happened? It was a question Heisenberg wished to ask. He was astute to put some pieces together; divorce, traumatic experience, missing fingers, a location that gave birth to horrid memories. All connected to Louisiana somehow. It was a fascinating mystery that Ethan never spoke about or even alluded to – often. Yet Heisenberg didn't press the issue. After all, they weren't lovers. They didn't owe the other emotional depth or tenderness.

But…

"Fuck, I remember being so done with her dancing around what happened and instead fussing about me liking dick when all I wanted was to just work it through so we could move on normally. I couldn't do like her and pretend it never happened. I-I mean, I lost two fingers because of it and…" Ethan tightened his grip around the steering wheel, his hands almost shaking. He thinned his lips and kept his eyes locked on the road.

The ensuing silence became almost choking like it was begging Heisenberg for air somehow. His emotional core struggled to find an appropriate response; verbally or physically. Instead, he could only stare at Ethan for a few moments before a thought passed his mind.

"I overheard you using my first name. In all my time of knowing you, you've called me by my last name only."

"Sorry. I picked it up early on," Ethan smiled and the tension in the car lifted a little, cooled by the glances he shot, like he was trying to test the boundaries.

"Oh, don't be so self-flagellating. I didn't say you couldn't use it," Heisenberg assured him, just so they wouldn't end up in a car crash.

"Thank you…Karl," Ethan grinned and kept his eyes on the road only. His entire body relaxed and sank into the seat a little.

"I change my mind. It sounds unnatural coming from you."

The joke, jabbing as it was, made Ethan laugh legitimately for the first time today. After hours of being trapped between post-marital tensions and celebrating the first birthday of his only child, a good laugh was surely needed.

"I love you too, Karl Heisenberg," he said, pulling the car to a stop. Strange feelings aside, it felt good to cheer him up.