Chapter XII

Reaching the Beast

The forehead protector in my back pocket and the medical objects in hand, I take many breaths, waiting for the heavy metal door to unlock. The task entrusted to me is proving to be terribly arduous, perhaps impossible for the moment. I am horribly anxious. I must approach him and he must let me approach him. That's just the easiest step.

In order for me to clean his wounds and change the bandages on his stomach and his right arm, he has to allow me to touch him. It's not burns or scratches that worry me; I am afraid of destroying the little that I've managed to build. This fragile bond is still only a bud, and it's far from ready to hatch.

I try somehow to chase away the pessimist that is always too present, constantly tormenting my restless thoughts with mischief. Sincerely, I hope that I will be able to provide care for him and that everything will go without a hitch. Being attacked is the least of my worries; his life predominates over my well-being.

I finally enter the darkness in which the feral-tempered boy resides.

I hear movement, then silence. I feel Naruto's lingering gaze on me, watching me from the other side of the prison bars. His blue eyes and his blond mane contrast with the darkness that encompasses this place overloaded with its unchanged smells of sulphur, including the horribly nauseating and filthy ones that make me want to throw up; I was prepared for it, but this scent of death is infamous and my nostrils are gradually dissolving under its acid…

The teenager is at an arm's length from this holey wall that separates us. I guess he backed away out of habit, convinced that someone other than me would enter this place. Besides, he was indeed waiting for me since he doesn't seek to hide under the bed. He seems calm to me, but I remain suspicious; nervousness swarms under my skin in spite of myself.

Cautiously, I get closer and Naruto maintains his positions—something unusual. His deep ocean blue irises stare at me with an intensity that is impossible to transcribe. Nonetheless, he subtly swallows, betraying his stress. At first glance, he has an idea in mind. Is he trying to escape by using me since he has identified me as harmless? Possible. After all, it was the first thing he did when he woke up in that cell. The violence he showed still sends shivers down my spine.

I don't want to face his anger while waiting for him to enter his cage on his own. If I force him inside, I will undo all my efforts. If I trick him into going back there quietly and closing the door behind him, he might fear me and refuse to trust me afterwards. Inevitably, I will become a torturer in his eyes.

Naruto analyzes me and scrutinizes my every action with his impassive face. I wave a finger to tell him to walk away. "Back to the wall, Naruto."

My student frowns, pouting. His tail swings from right to left; I've seen enough cats in my life to certify that these movements are those of a disgruntled feline. I cannot tell if he's able to understand what I say, but according to his reaction, he understands the essence of my words. Distrust coupled with a feral temper must be the reason why he refuses to answer or communicate, not to mention his silence, voluntary or not.

"Come on!" I insist. "Trust is played on both sides."

Naruto isn't happy at all as he utters a barely audible muffled hiss, while staring straight at me. His body language is very telling. I maintain eye contact and don't let him impress or intimidate me. The whole thing is uncomfortable, both for me and for him. Nevertheless, I refuse to submit.

I am aware of taking a risk. However, I cannot let him believe that he can dominate me in any way to get what he wants. He must understand that he cannot manipulate me and use me, regardless of his intentions, good or bad. Trust is mutual. To start on an equal footing, there is no other way.

The silence drags on and a cold sweat breaks out on my forehead.

To my relief, Naruto finally looks away. He turns on his heels to reach the wall behind him. Then he turns around to face me and wait. For me, this is proof that he hasn't forgotten our language; one less unanswered question.

Carefully, I enter the jail. Naruto arches his back, but nothing more; I notice that his hair and his tail seem to be ruffling hairs. Curious. Nervousness takes hold of me as it should take hold of him. We distrust each other despite the desire to know, to give each other a chance.

"You look better to me, Naruto."

Closer, despite the almost total darkness, I examine him in more detail. His complexion is much less pale and sick than it was yesterday, although the tan of his skin is still too white. He's too thin, the flesh on the bones; a warning of impending death. That won't change until he feeds, I know that too well.

For the moment, the priority of my visit is his injuries and not his weight.

"Naruto, I'm here to heal your wounds," I say, pointing at the obvious medical materials with my finger, followed by my right arm. "I understand your distrust, but you have to let me help you."

Mechanically, his sapphire eyes focus on his wounded limb covered in bloodstained bandages. At first glance, he seems to be considering my proposal. After a few blinks, he scans his gaze at me, then back at himself. He hesitates and hesitates. He swallows before slowly reaching out his arm to me.

I translate this gesture as an acceptance. Nevertheless, I have to be careful and not make him change his mind. The slightest gesture a little too abrupt will scare him away, and I was right. When I take a first step forward, Naruto arches his back again; he holds his breath as his body is gripped by growing tremors.

"Easy, Naruto," I whisper, raising a palm chaste of violence as I make myself small. "I'll be slow."

He moves his head; I don't know if he shakes it or not. I breathe in calmly and I continue my progress. One step at a time, I get closer and closer, until I'm only at an arm's length away and that his forearm is within reach. In the meantime, he has frozen like a frightened beast; at that, his fur, including his golden hair, stood on end. That he's able to fluff and ruffle his fur like this intrigues me and sows curiosity in me.

"It's all right, Naruto. I'll stop if this is too difficult for you."

Since the bed is next to me, I take the opportunity to put down my stuff. Slowly, my palm delicately joins the skin of his arm which twitches under my touch; his body is hot like a kettle full of boiling water, and the heat is uncomfortable.

Naruto's breath quickens. His eyes gaze into the void as he quivers like a leaf shaken by destructive tornadoes. His irises light up in the dark, and the tips of his hair begin their fiery dance.

A panic attack.

I cut the contact right away.

I forbid myself to touch him when he falls on his knees, then on all fours.

"Naruto!" I shout worriedly, stepping down to his level. "Calm down. Inhale slowly and deeply. Forgive me."

The blond curls up on himself, his forehead glued to the ground. Slowly, but surely, the flames eager to show off their full glory die down as his jerky breath stabilizes. I feel so helpless. I'd like to help him so much, soothe his pain, but I'm afraid a touch will make the situation worse… I barely touched him when he collapsed.

My heart is stabbed. What could have happened for him to react this way? What could these people have done to him during this month of kidnapping which I dread to conceive? Seeing my student on the verge of breaking, anger rises in me and adds to my personal torments that have taken root; it's trying, again and again, to corrupt me and blinding my judgment. I bite my inner lip to resist it and keep my composure.

I wait patiently for Naruto to calm down. When the light in his eyes leaves them, I quietly get up before sitting on the bed.

"Sit down, Naruto," I say, gently patting the sheets. "I'd like to try a second time. If it's too difficult for you, I'll leave, okay?"

Painfully, the blond raises his head at my voice. I have to treat his injuries, but I cannot force him if he's not ready. Maybe he will be more inclined to let me into his bubble since I didn't insist and respected his limits? Will that be enough for him to deign to give me a chance, albeit a tiny one? I stay still with my hands joined and I stay relaxed. If I'm comfortable, he will be too, that's understood.

Naruto stares at me for a long moment. With a timid movement, he gets up and sits next to me; we are side by side, much closer than when we were standing. He's shaking, but his hair is back to normal. I deduce that he's at ease, more comfortable, safe even, despite the fear that gnaws at him, prevents him from looking me in the eye.

Hesitantly, he offers me his arm again and I take it gently. The teenager jumps at my touch, but he doesn't panic. His pulse is so fast that I feel it pulsating in his veins. Yet I barely touch him.

"That's good, Naruto," I whisper, removing the hemoglobin-stained bandage.

Stretched like an iron bar, Naruto kindly allows me to work. The cut is quite deep; stitches were needed. The wound looks healthy to me. However, something is wrong. It takes time to heal. With the power of the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox, this kind of injury doesn't take long to heal and should already have started the healing process. That worries me. I will have to tell Godaime as soon as possible…

I feel Naruto's anxious gaze on me, pulling me out of my thoughts. I answer with a smile, then I prepare the ointment.

"Careful. It's going to sting a little… I'm going."

When I apply the cream, Naruto gasps, letting out a groan of pain through gritted teeth. I am relieved. I feared a scratch or a burn when using the ointment. His breathing is still too rapid for my liking, although it's not getting worse.

The wound treated and cleaned, I rebandage his arm. Then I motion for him to lift or remove his shirt so I can tackle his stomach wound. Luckily, I don't need to talk since he guesses what I want. Nervously, he pulls his top up to his neck. Unsurprisingly, the shaking is increasing.

Subtly, I observe the ebony mosaic that adorns his entire back and the strange diamond on his chest with flame-like shapes looming around it. I was briefly told about it. Seeing it and imagining it is very different. These tribal and abstract tattoos on his back are bewitching and pleasing to the eyes; I expected disaster or something scary. Their mystery is enigmatic and I wonder if they serve a purpose or if they are purely aesthetic.

Gently and cautiously, I free the skin from the fabric that covers it, making the boy wince in pain. Unlike the other cut, although at first glance healthy, this injury is much more alarming and in a sorry state. The stitches threaten to give way at any moment; he had to force on his points during his rather chaotic awakening and fuelled by so much violence. I see a scarlet drop escaping, followed by a transparent one.

No need to say that this wound will mark his skin with a scar. It must cause throbbing twinges. Either Naruto has a high tolerance for pain, or he hides it with uncanny ease. Fortunately, despite their precariousness, the threads will hold out if Naruto doesn't get carried away in another similar fury, that said.

Like his forearm, I repeat the same ritual. Aside from a few squeals in response to the pain, everything is going without a hitch. It wasn't until his belly was bandaged again that the infernal pressure suddenly left me. I feel as if I've achieved the impossible.

"There you go! We're done," I warmly say as I gather the stuff.

Normally, I would accompany my words with a hand on his shoulder or a ruffle of hair as I was used to, but for obvious reasons, I don't. My student has stopped shaking and avoids any retinal contact with me; at this, his toes bend and unbend. To spare him stress and in a desire not to force things, I judge the ideal moment to leave. I should encourage him to eat… However, I am afraid of doing too much. If I am insistent, I will move backwards.

"I'll be back tomorrow, Naruto," I tell him cheerfully before standing up.

As I walk to the door, I hear him on my heels. At arm's length, Naruto is behind me and his eyes are watching me; his gaze is so piercing that I can feel it on my skin. Obviously, he no longer seems bothered by my presence. I don't know how to interpret his actions. Is him following me? Or does he plan to sneak in and escape when I open the door?

Maybe…

I cannot say.

Shikamaru's words suddenly come to mind. I think back to Naruto's headband in my back pocket. The blond is receptive to my touch, he's very close and I don't detect fear in him. Curiosity seizes me, but Lady Tsuande's warning about it makes me hesitate. I agree with Shikamaru, despite the risk that it's too soon for Naruto.

Decided, I drop my material on the ground. I turn around and take a step forward. In response, the teenager arches his back.

"Easy, Naruto."

Slowly, I put my hand in my pocket to take out the said headband, which I then show him.

"Do you know what it is?"

The effect is immediate.

This object overwhelms all attention of his wide-open irises that no longer blink. He's paralyzed from head to toe, and this sudden confusing immobility worries me a little. It speaks to him, resonates in him, evokes something, it's obvious. Is it possible that memories, however insignificant, appear in his mind?

I can only wait and wait.

In this time that has been suspended.

And whose silence becomes infernal.

Without warning and in a fraction of a second, Naruto pounces on me; I barely have time to see his face contort with hostility and his eyes light up like fireflies. Not expecting this attack at all, I fall on my back, on the ground. Air escapes from my lungs and a strong hand grips my throat. Fortunately, I can still breathe despite the vice that tightens on my trachea, a hair's breadth from being obstructed. The claws dig into my skin, releasing my blood.

Stunned, I don't know what to do with the feral boy astride on my body, who pierces me with his sharp gaze, to believe that I am abused to the deepest of my intimacies. Mechanically, my hands try to grab his…

However, I am completely paralyzed; moving is impossible. I am speechless and my eye is unable to leave his, as if bewitched by them. In this mysterious trance in which time doesn't exist, I notice that his pupils are similar to those of a reptile or Kyūbi; they are sharp, slim and dangerous.

After an eternity, his breathing fastens like mine. Naruto releases my neck. With a quick gesture, he grabs the forehead protector before leaping away from me. I cough as I struggle to get up. As for the blond, he throws me a last venomous look, then hastens to hide … not under the bed, but under the sheets with which he covers his entire body; only his tail is exposed, resting peacefully on the ground, motionless.

I'm too disturbed by what just happened to calm down. My breathing is as chaotic as my heart trying to extricate itself from my ribcage, in a bloody and horrifying explosion. Confused, I can only walk out. I don't know what started the assault … but I'm relieved he didn't actually hurt me.

However, since this visual exchange, I feel all weird. I feel as if a biting cold has seeped under my flesh and that ants are swarming under my epidermis which now shelters an imaginary anthill. In all this, a fatigue of great intensity and coming from nowhere takes hold of my whole being. My body is begging for sleep, and I don't know why.

All in all, one thing is clear: Naruto has retrieved his shinobi headband and treasured it with him. Maybe he's angry because he thought I was responsible for its disappearance? Possible. If that's why he pounced on me like a beast, then Shikamaru's theories are plausible.

Naruto is not entirely amnesiac.