The rest of the night went smoothly, and they all counted down the last ten seconds of 1996 together. It was amazing, and Severus had even come up beside Harry, subtly holding the teenager's hand and when everyone was up in arms cheering, kissing or hugging one another, Severus snuck a kiss to Harry's cheek. By 1:30 am, everyone had gone home and Harry was now with Severus and the Malfoy's.
"What a wonderful night." Narcissa stated.
"Indeed. It was quite enjoyable." Lucius nodded.
"Thank you for letting me hold it, Mother and Father." Draco smiled at them.
"We should be getting home." Severus told the family. "Thank you for inviting us. It was an interesting evening. We will see you soon, I'm sure."
"It's late now, just stay here, Severus." Lucius informed. "You can use the room you have here, with Harry,"
"Is that alright with you, Harry?" Severus asked his husband.
"Fine with me as long as it is with you," Harry replied gently.
"Perfectly okay with me." Severus responded. "Thank you, Lucius."
"Well then, we'll see you all in the morning for our first breakfast in the new year." Narcissa gave Draco a kiss on the forehead and then Draco hugged Harry before waving to his father and godfather before he headed upstairs to get to his room. Lucius and Narcissa were right behind him, then of course, Severus and Harry.
It was well close to 2:15 am by the time Harry and Severus were settled in the guest room that apparently belonged to Severus for his times staying at the manor. Both males had changed clothes and used the bathroom and now in the main part of the bedroom.
"I can sleep on the couch, if you want," Harry offered.
"Why would you do something like that when there's a perfectly good bed that will fit us both with room to spare?" Severus inquired.
"I-I didn't want to presume we were sharing a bed." Harry admitted. "We…Never have, not even after we consummated the marriage." He added.
Severus had actually forgotten about that; they never shared a bed together. The only time they were sharing a bed was to have sex, and then Severus had sent Harry away immediately afterward. All Harry had said was an apology that Severus didn't understand at the time.
"Harry, how ready are you to go to sleep?" Severus asked.
"I'm not dead tired if that's what you're asking, Severus. Why?" Harry inquired.
"I wanted to talk to you, if you're up for it? If not, we can simply go to sleep." Severus mentioned.
"I'm fine. What did you want to talk about?" Harry questioned lightly.
"Please, sit?" Severus motioned to the bed. Harry sat beside the man quietly. "Harry, I learned from Draco that each of the times I turned you away when you came to my quarters that you wouldn't return to the common room. Draco said you were out all night, so if you weren't in your dorm or with me…Where were you?"
"Two places, using my cloak to hide…" Harry told him. "I'd…Go to the Astronomy Tower and stay up all night, or I'd go to the Room of Requirement. It was always set up as a bedroom for me considering it changes to what the person needs."
"Why did you stay out of the dorm?" Severus inquired.
"Didn't want to keep everyone awake. Nightmares, or not feeling well." Harry responded. "Didn't want questions on if we did anything or have them see how miserable I was getting that you kept turning me away."
"I suppose that's fair. The nightmares of what you've endured in your life, they're still active no matter the time that's passed?" Harry nodded to him. "But I assume, not always and some are worse than others?" Harry nodded again. "And I've wanted to ask this since the night it happened and I'd like to ask you to be completely honest about it. The night we consummated the marriage, why did you apologize before you left?" Harry looked down a little. "Please tell me? I won't get upset or mad. I just want to know why because it seems strange you'd say sorry to me after such an event." Severus asked.
"Because I knew you didn't want to do it with me." Harry finally spoke. "I'm your student, you're my teacher and that's the relationship we had for five years. Yes, you agreed to marry me…But I knew you hadn't wanted to. I feel like I forced you, like it was rape…Even though you consented," He explained as Severus listened. "And then there was feeling like it was just some hook up. I knew it wouldn't be amazing and magical like when people in love do it, but…I don't know. It's stupid and it doesn't matter."
"Harry, it's not stupid and it does matter to me." Severus revealed. "It was not rape, nor was it forced. I told you this when we made up from the fight. You only asked. You asked and begged, but if I'd said no, you wouldn't have used that life debt. Would you have? I know you said you would, but you wouldn't. It's not your nature to make others do what you want. You're not like Voldemort." Severus informed.
"No, if you'd put your foot down and told me no, I would have dropped it." Harry nodded softly.
"I agreed to marry you, Harry. To help you, protect you…As I've done for years now. You did not force me in any way. Therefore, I agreed to everything that comes with it. Including the consummation. It was not forced, you did not rape me. Please don't believe that you did." Severus told him. "My behavior after the act was just me being an arse. The anger that eventually boiled over to the fight we had. I just lost sight of things until I saw how much I'd hurt you." He continued.
"Not even I saw it…It was the Malfoy's who yelled at me I was hurting you. Lucius explained how the bond connected us, and Draco right out told me if I hurt his brother; he'll never forgive me. It took all three of them before I understood that marriages don't just exist on their own and both participants have to be putting in effort. You were, the entire time…I was not. For that, Harry, I'm sorry."
"Hey, you already apologized when we talked. I told you it was forgiven. You had the right to be angry…" Harry told him.
"But I didn't have the right to hurt you when I agreed to everything." Severus added. "I knew something was wrong with you after the fight we had. The bond kept trying to pull us back together and we both ignored it. But because I stayed so angry, it affected you. Lucius thinks it's why you got sick…That what I'd done was actually causing you a broken heart." He went on.
"As for you feeling like it was a hookup, I was wrong for that too. I looked into the bond we did while you were sick, evidently, us having sex is more than just sex. It's more than just pleasure. It's also a mixing of our magics to keep the bond strong, keep us strong magically."
"Sending you away the way I did wasn't just affecting our bond, but our magic too. I thought it was stress making me feel weak, it was the fact you and I weren't in sync and if I'd let you stay that night, the magic would have meshed properly. This bond, Harry, it ties everything we have together. It's what makes it so strong and unbreakable as long as we're not letting it break." Severus looked down.
"It relies on us and our interactions with one another. So quite literally, we have to be close to keep it as strong as it's supposed to be. We have to believe in it for it to be effective."
"Is that why you wanted to give it a real chance?" Harry asked.
"No, I wanted to do that because there are too many signs that say we belong together and who am I to argue with fate, destiny, or whatever." Severus informed. "But the bond itself is strongest when we're both maintaining it properly. It's…Similar to the blood wards that Dumbledore put up over your muggle relatives home. He told you that was your home, they were your family so you would believe it."
"As long as you did, the wards would hold strong. We did a very similar bond. We didn't just marry, we bonded by magic and blood." He explained calmly. "Listen…I want to show you something about what I just said. That there are too many signs…I couldn't show it in the other room with everyone or they all would have known there's a connection between us."
"Okay…" Harry looked at him more.
Severus flicked his wand as Harry saw the silvery light emerge and take the form of a doe that pranced around then stopped before Harry for a moment before disappearing. "I always thought I had this doe because of your mother. I was only ever able to cast it because my memories with her used to be the only happy memories I had."
"I did love her, Harry, as my best friend. It's been said that some patronus forms either match or complement one another based on a romantic factor." Severus mentioned." I know we do not love one another, but…I've realized this doe doesn't just represent my friendship with your mother, but the fact it compliments yours."
"A stag. The proper mate to a doe. Your mother and father had these patronus forms, Harry. Your father had a Stag, and your mother had a doe." Severus told him. "Only Lucius and Narcissa knew of my patronus animal and now understand the form yours takes…I see why I have the one I do. It wasn't just a sendoff to the friendship I had with your mom. It's also because we're supposed to be together in whatever way it ends up being."
"My memory always used to be my parents. A dream I once had about just sitting and talking with them back in first year after I found the Mirror of Erised in the castle…It wasn't even a memory and not really happy, but it always made me the happiest I felt. That was the memory I've chosen every time I cast the charm, until tonight. My memory changed to the date we went on after Remus reacted the way he did to learning about the marriage. Despite how we started, you somehow became one of my happier memories." Harry told him.
"Only Remus knew about the memory I used the first few times I cast the charm…You're the only other person I've revealed it to. And now this, that the date you took me on made me happy enough to cast the spell." Severus was surprised, but what else was that feeling? Happiness to Harry's confession that he had become a memory Harry used and it was strong enough to cast the charm with it. "Severus, between this and the bonding circle, do you truly believe we're soulmates?" Harry inquired.
"I do. Again, whatever it ends up meaning that we're soulmates. It doesn't not always equate to love, but it does mean we're meant to be in each other's lives. I promise you this, we're always going to be in each other's lives." Severus vowed. "I swear to you that I will always be here for you."
"I appreciate that, Sev," Harry smiled gently to the man as their hands ended up intertwined. "I never did thank you,"
"For?" Severus asked.
"Earlier, with Sirius…" Harry mentioned. "What you said to him."
"It needed to be said." Severus remarked. "Maybe Remus won't say anything to him, but I will. I won't let him hurt you, even if I don't know what he did. I know what he said tonight hurt you." Harry looked down a little. "Harry, what is it? What's wrong?"
"You deserve to know." Harry said. "What Sirius did…"
"And you can tell me when you're ready." Severus told him.
"He was so lost in wanting me to be my father…" Harry revealed softly. "It was so bad during the Easter holiday. There were no moments of it, just straight…Didn't see me as Harry anymore. Always calling me Prongs. Or James. Getting mad when James wouldn't be like he was. How they used to be…" He closed his eyes. "He grabbed my arms hard and I shoved him off. I yelled at him that I wasn't my father and he just…" Harry trailed off. "He hit me."
"He what…" Severus asked in a tone that sounded both angry and shocked.
"He told James to quit being a prat, to snap out of it and hit me. I tried to back away and get my wand, but he tackled me down…Laughing as if it were a game. No doubt believing I was James and they were wrestling or something. It wasn't until he thought he won and pinned me that my magic reacted out of fear and threw him off me. He hit the wall, knocked out and I ran. I grabbed my stuff and used a glamour to hide what Sirius did…" Harry looked down.
"Then I went to the Weasley's…Asked if they'd be nice enough to take me to the train station with them as it was right before everyone gets on the platform to go back…" Harry explained. "I tried to go to Dumbledore and tell him, but he said that I already called abuse with the Dursley's and if he took me out of Sirius's care; I'd end up back on Privet Drive because only those two places could keep me safe from Voldemort…So I just…Started trying to find a way out of it."
"That's when you figured out the emancipation loophole?" Severus asked.
Harry nodded. "I was reading in the library and came across it, but I knew it would have to be with someone strong and…You were the first person that came to mind. Because you'd protected me all these years. If anyone could keep me safe, it was you. But we hadn't gotten along after the Occlumency disaster…That's why I figured I'd use the life debt, but also didn't want to be completely unfair to you so if you'd said no…I would have let it go. I threatened to use it to make you agree, but I wouldn't have…I'm not that cold-hearted." Harry stated.
"Very Slytherin of you, I must say…" Severus remarked. "All that aside, I already told you I agreed on my own terms to what you asked. It was to keep you safe as I've always done, now admitted by you and me. Did Black realize what he did?"
"Yeah…The week before I talked to you. Remus had gone to visit Sirius and found him sulking and drinking. Of course, I'd already messaged Remus and told him Sirius wasn't alright, that losing my parents and his time in Azkaban had done damage. Remus forced Sirius to tell him what happened, then Remus made him admit himself to St. Mungo's for treatment…" Harry confessed.
"I really don't want to ask this…Merlin, I don't…But Harry, why did you freak out when Sirius pinned you down?" Severus asked. "Please tell me?"
Harry started to shake as he turned his head. Oh, Severus already had a feeling, but he needed Harry to say it. "Because he pinned me the same way my uncle did…Right before he raped me." Harry finally said.
That was so much worse. Severus was sure Harry was going to say it was similar to the beatings he got from his muggle uncle. But not that Harry was full on raped by the man. "Harry…" Severus moved closer to hug the teenager and Harry didn't flinch away, rather just settled in the man's arms. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…" Severus soothed. Harry didn't hold tight or sob, but tears slipped slowly. "When did this happen, with Vernon?"
"I was probably twelve…Summer before second year." Harry replied. "He'd been molesting me years prior to that…Maybe seven or eight…"
"Did he only rape you once?" Severus asked, his tone dangerously close to anger.
"No…" Harry admitted. "Most of the summer it happened. Always after Dudley and Petunia went to bed, sometimes during the day if they were out of the house…"
"Merlin above, you weren't even twelve until the end of July. He was raping you after first year?" Harry nodded. "Did he do it again the next summer, before third?"
"Yes…" Harry answered.
"Who knows about this?" Severus pushed.
"No one…" Harry informed. "No one but you now…None of my friends, no one at school…Not even Sirius and Remus."
"You've never told anyone?" Severus was stunned. "Harry, why? Why wouldn't you say something to someone?"
"He told me if I ever told; he'd kill me…" Harry informed. "It's why I begged Dumbledore to get Sirius off felon status, so he could take me in…I was doing fine. I was…Recovering from it all. Then the tournament happened, then Sirius started having problems throughout all of fifth year…" He sighed. "After he pinned me…I just panicked. I got scared…I didn't mean to hurt him."
"No. No, you have nothing to apologize for, Harry. What Black did was wrong on its own, but don't you feel bad about getting scared and panicking. You were raped, countless times…Molested before that. Harry, anyone would freak out." Severus told him. "I swear to you that you'll never go back there again. And Sirius won't hurt you again either. I won't let anyone hurt you…"
He held Harry tightly, protectively as Harry wrapped himself into the covering Severus provided. "Are you sure you're alright from it, Harry? You're sixteen now, been keeping this in…And if Sirius pinning you made it all come back. You can see a Mind Healer, you know? They'll help."
"I'm okay." Harry told him.
"I don't think you are. You've gone through a lot in your young life. I won't make you…But I really think you should think about it. Seeing a Mind Healer. Couple of appointments on the weekends; I can take you there, it could help you heal, might even tackle that depression you have. Don't deny that you do, Harry…You almost jumped off the Astronomy tower two years ago and would have if Draco didn't find you." Harry sighed at what his husband said. "Just…Consider it, please? I'm asking as a teacher and husband…"
"I'll think about it." Harry nodded.
"Thank you." Severus gave the man a light squeeze. "Thank you for being honest too. I'm sure it wasn't easy for you, but I appreciate you trusting me enough to tell me." He added. "I'll deal with your uncle. I don't care how many years ago it was; that's unacceptable to do to a child and while the muggle authorities won't tackle it because of how long it's been…The magical law enforcement will absolutely pursue the abuse and rape of a child."
"I don't want to have to go through all that again…Please, please just leave it be." Harry asked.
"You won't be necessary. We've got your memories we can submit, but only if you allow it and you would have to have them extracted by a licensed healer. Poppy, or even Narcissa." Severus told him.
"I don't want everyone knowing…" Harry muttered.
"It won't be a huge event, Harry. It would be very private due to who you are…But this cannot go unpunished. Unaddressed. It might even help you heal knowing that he's paying for his crimes." Severus told his young husband.
"You promise it won't be made public?" Harry questioned.
"On my life, Harry. I'd only have to tell those involved in the case." Severus nodded. "And everyone would be sworn to secrecy."
"Who is everyone?" Harry wondered.
"The healer who takes your memories, the department head for magical law enforcement, and whoever represents your interests during the proceedings." Severus informed. "We could make that Narcissa, Lucius, and Amelia Bones."
"Okay…" Harry agreed.
"Good. Good, thank you." Severus pulled away some and looked at Harry. "Come on, it's late…Let's go to bed and get some sleep." Harry nodded as he went to get up and go to the couch. "Harry…I meant we go to bed together." He informed. "Stay with me tonight."
"Are you sure?"
"I wouldn't have said it if I wasn't. Come lay with me." Severus stated. The two got into their places on the bed and laid down next to one another. "Do you want to cuddle?" Harry nodded as Severus shifted over to lay closer to the teenager. "Goodnight, Harry."
"Night, Sev'rus…" Harry yawned before drifting off to sleep. It didn't take Severus long from that point to fall asleep next.