(Harbingers in a Fountain)
A/N: This story is AU.
I don't own Bones.
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His dream had confused him and he knew he'd upset a lot of people when he'd insisted that Brennan was his wife, but it hadn't taken him long to figure out that the dream was just a dream and no matter how much Booth had liked it, he had to live in the real world.
He had messed up when he woke up from his coma and the world had taken his partner from him to punish him. Brennan was in Guatemala and he was in Washington trying to prove he wasn't crazy. He cursed the fact that the brain tumor had messed with his memory, his hand/eye coordination and his sense of reality.
"Look, Sweets. How many times do I have to tell you? I am not married to Bones. That was the dream talking." Booth was getting very annoyed. He'd had several sessions with Sweets since he'd left the hospital and the kid didn't seem to believe him when he said he wasn't married to Brennan. "What do you want me to do? Write it down in blood? Bones is my partner and my friend, but . . . we . . . are . . . not . . . married."
Sweets wanted to believe Booth. The man seemed sincere but he worried that Booth was lying to him. He was worried that the agent was telling him what he thought everyone wanted to hear and not what he believed. "Why do you believe you're not married now? For three weeks, you believed you were."
Frustrated, Booth crossed his arms against his chest. "Because I'm not an idiot, okay? Cam told me Bones is just my partner. So did Angela and Hodgins and my grandfather. There is no way my grandfather would lie to me. He just wouldn't do that . . . That dream made me believe Bones was my wife . . . I won't lie. It was a pretty good dream . . . it was very cool, but it was just a dream. I know that now . . . When is Bones coming back from her dig?"
Since Booth seemed sincere, Sweets knew that he was going to have to clear the man to go back to work soon. Deputy Director Bishop was on his case and wanted Booth back at Major Crimes as soon as possible. "She's supposed to be back next week . . . we have one more session to deal with next week. You have therapy to complete this week and I suppose you're practicing shooting . . . We'll talk next week and if your surgeon releases you then I'll let you go back to work. Of course, you need to recertify before you can get your gun back, but you know that."
"It's about time." Booth was bored and frustrated that too many people controlled his life at the moment. "I'm me, Sweets . . . Seeley Joseph Booth. I work for the FBI, I'm the head of Major Crimes. I have a son and a grandfather and a jerk of a brother . . . Bones is my partner and a very good friend and I don't own a damn nightclub. I'm going to say the same thing next week."
"Excellent . . . you do that and I'll give you your badge back." There was nothing else to say. "I'll see you next week."
Anxious to leave, Booth left Sweets' office and walked back to the parking garage where his truck was parked. Once he was inside, he grabbed the steering wheel and leaned his head against it. "I hope Bones still wants to be my partner . . . I don't know why she hasn't called me . . . I guess I scared her and who can blame her." Leaning back against his car seat, Booth rubbed his forehead. "I have to show her that she can trust me . . . I'm just not sure how."
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Back from Guatemala, Brennan had found Booth waiting for her in her office. He was eager to go back to work and he wanted her to know that. She was a little alarmed that he hadn't returned to work before that day and she felt that Booth's recovery hadn't been as fast as she had been led to believe would happen. She had allowed Sweets to talk her into leaving the country while Booth recovered and she regretted doing that. Clearly there had been issues with his recovery and she felt misled.
Seeing Booth dressed in jeans and a T-shirt and unshaved gave her a sense of uneasiness. He was usually immaculate in how he dressed and this seemed out of character. She knew she should have stayed to help Booth, but the fact that he had thought he was married to her when he woke from his coma had upset her and she had worried that she had damaged her partner in some way when she wrote her story for him. She didn't believe in psychology, but her partner and friend had needed help and she didn't know how to give him that help. She had explained her story to Sweets and he had felt that Booth's confusion was temporary and he could help the man if she wasn't around to confuse the agent. Sweets had insisted that she not contact Booth while she was gone and she had agreed to his plan.
Now she was certain that Booth had not really benefited from Sweets' help and that whatever help he had given Booth had prolonged her friend's recovery. She should have ignored Sweets' advice and she should have stayed, she could have fixed what she had done. Now they both had to live with the consequences.
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They had worked on a rather bizarre case and the case had been partially solved, but Brennan had observed her partner's carefulness around her while they worked together and she felt he was trying to keep some distance from her. She didn't know what he was thinking of course, but it seemed to her that Booth was trying to prove to her that nothing had changed between them and of course something had changed, she just wasn't sure what that change was.
They were walking to the Royal Diner for a cup of coffee when Booth stopped walking and turned to face his partner. "Ever since I've woke from my coma, I've been wanting to say something to you, about you. I wanted to finish this case first . . . You know, to make sure that I'm back . . . that you know I'm me again."
She could see he was nervous, but she wasn't sure why. "You don't need to wait for our case to be over to tell me, Booth. Just say what you want to say."
Anxious, Booth cleared his throat and knew it was now or never. "I love you."
Surprised, Brennan stared at her partner and could see he was expecting her to respond. She just wasn't sure how she should respond. Was his dream, her story still influencing him? She wasn't sure, but she knew that he was waiting for her to react and she felt she needed to use caution. "I love you too, Booth. You are my best friend and I appreciate that friendship. As you know, I don't have very many friends and I value your and Angela's friendship."
He heard her and he knew that she was trying to tell him that she didn't love him back. "Yeah . . . we're friends." His hands in his pants pockets, he knew she was rejecting him and he had to accept that or ruin their friendship. "I . . . I need to get back to the Hoover." Not sure he could remain in her presence and not make a fool of himself, he walked away leaving his partner behind.
She had seen the unshed tears in Booth's eyes before he walked away and she felt terrible. Would it be so bad to be in love with Booth? She didn't think so, but she worried that he didn't really love her. It was possible that his dream was still influencing him and that the love he felt for her was temporary and over time, he would stop loving her. She couldn't allow herself to start a relationship with her partner then watch him walk away from her when he finally fell out of love with her. She had to protect herself and Booth.
She didn't have his heart and she knew that in the end, she couldn't give him what he wanted. She wasn't strong enough to take a chance.
Oooooooooo
Their case was closed to the satisfaction of Caroline Julian and Brennan was satisfied as well. They had found a way to prove that Fargood was really Alexander Galow and he was going to be tried for murder.
Brennan had worked on the case with her partner and they had proved that Booth hadn't lost his ability to do his job. Now that she had time, she went home to her apartment, fixed herself a cup of hot tea and sat in her living room.
I've known Booth for a long time. We are friends, great friends. I trust him and he trusts me. We both know about our pasts. There is little we don't know about each other . . . I have never had a friend like Booth. He isn't afraid of my intellect . . . in fact, in the past, he has told me that he loves my big brain . . . In the years that I have known him, he hasn't tried to change me. He accepts me for who I am and he is the only one that has done that. Even Angela has tried to change me even though she is one of my best friends, but Booth allows me to be me . . . and really, I let Booth be him too. I haven't tried to change him either.
She sipped some of her cooling tea and placed the cup back on the coffee table. When I wrote that story for Booth, I wrote that he and I were married and that we were both in love . . . I have loved him for a long time. I can admit that to myself . . . I have told him that I don't believe in love, but that isn't really true. I loved my parents before they abandoned me. I loved Russ before he abandoned me . . . They left me and I had to take care of myself. There was no one to love me or take care of me for so long . . . I discovered I can take care of myself. I am strong . . . well maybe impervious, but I want to be strong . . . It seems to me that love is really a temporary state and sooner or later, that love dies. My parents and my brother proved that to me . . . Sully proved that to me . . . even Booth has proved that to me. He has fallen in love with several women in his life and either he fell out of love with them or they fell out of love with him.
Restless, Brennan stood up, picked up her cup and carried it into the kitchen. After she poured the now cold tea in the sink, she placed the cup in the sink and walked back into the living room. Standing on the balcony, she stared at the stars, the few she could see and shook her head.
He thinks he loves me, but I do know I love him . . . I love Booth, but do I trust him? I'm not sure. I would like to love him the way he wants to be loved, but what happens when our relationship fails? Would it destroy our friendship? My friendship with Booth is my most valuable possession. I don't want to lose that friendship . . . I don't want to lose Booth . . . Let's face the facts, I could have lost him anyway. He could have died on the operating table. His tumor could have been malignant and it could have killed him eventually . . . I will not give up my friendship with him even though I know he could die and leave me behind, so why can't I love him and be in a relationship with him and take the same risk?
She walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch. Staring at the little plastic pig she kept on the shelf near the balcony door, she smiled. Booth had given her that toy in the past after she had killed a man to save Booth's life. That act of violence had affected her and Booth had known that. He had helped her accept what she had done like he always tried to do. She could count on him to help her when she needed it and wasn't that love? Hadn't he been in love with her for a long time? She might not understand many people but she had known Booth for a long time and she thought she understood his motivations. She had seen how much he cared for her in the past and she had tried to be there for him too.
She had heard Cam say once that Booth wore his heart on his sleeve. She had been curious about what Cam had meant and she'd Googled it. She agreed that Booth did wear his heart on his sleeve and she had known for a while that Booth had strong feelings for her. That was why she had written the story the way she had written it.
Booth had told her that he loves her and she knew it wasn't the dream talking. He really did love her. She just needed to decide if she loved him enough to risk her emotional well-being. She needed to decide if she could take a risk and lose him in the end.
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Let me know what you think of my story. I appreciate it.
A/N: If you wear your heart on your sleeve, you openly show your feelings or emotions rather than keeping them hi