Chapter 11; A mother's feelings
—Wanda's POV—
"Are you feeling better now, my dear?" Nova asked her. She wiped at her eyes, feeling ashamed of how completely she had broken down. Timmy needed her, and she had crumbled. She could see the redness around her eyes and the puffiness of her skin from the tears she had shed in her reflection in the cup of tea she had been given. She looked as pathetic as she felt.
She had been taken to a quiet room to calm down. The room was dimly lit, with a soft, warm glow cast from a single table lamp in the corner. There was the aroma of lavender incense in the air, mixed with the faint smell of sandalwood from the furniture in the room. The walls were painted a soft blue, and there were several cozy pillows and throws scattered around the space. In the center of the room was a comfortable armchair, where she was invited to sit and relax.
She took some deep breaths and felt her heart rate slow, allowing her to relax and reflect on her emotions.
"Yes, I'm feeling better," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "Thank you…"
She had not had a favorable impression of the man, but she could not help but feel a sense of gratitude for the efforts he had taken in comforting her. It reminded her of the way Cosma once treated her, back when they were newlyweds. Whenever she'd so much as come close to frowning, he'd be right there, ready to fawn over her. Sometimes his over attentiveness had gotten annoying, but he had never failed to make her feel loved. She missed those days.
Nova smiled gently. "It's going to be alright. You are a strong woman and you will get through this."
"It's Timmy getting through this that I care about. I…I need to be stronger than this for him." She dabbed at her swollen eyes. She ought to be in there with him right now. Instead, Jorgen was the one with him, listening to Piper speak of things she had just been too weak to hear.
She was humiliated by the breakdown she had in front of everyone. Knowing that Timmy had been possessed by Piper and had not witnessed her reaction gave her some comfort, but she was still mortified. The news of his medical condition and his soul being lost had been just too much to process. At least Timmy had been spared from seeing her in such a state…but she dreaded what Jorgen would say to her.
"I can't believe I was so weak." She scorned herself bitterly. "Timmy needs me and I'm here crying into a teacup!"
"Wanda, dear…this is not weakness." Nova used a handkerchief to wipe her tear-stained cheeks. "This is strength. The strength of your love." He patted her shoulder, meeting her eyes. "You love this child as if he were your own son, don't you?"
"Yes…I do." She admitted. It might be risky admitting that to a Fey, but it felt stupid to even try to hide it from him after the breakdown she just had. "I've loved all my godchildren but, none of them like Timmy. I can't even really explain what sets him apart from the rest, but he's always been…special. He just…clicks with us. From day one, he just felt like he belonged with Cosmo and I."
"I can't help but notice he looks a lot like Cosmo." Nova gave her a sly look. "Is he a changeling perhaps…?"
She rolled her eyes. "That practice was outlawed years ago."
"It is unfortunate, as it resulted in fairies ceasing to have offspring. In my childhood, when a fairy baby had an excessive magical ability, it was transformed into a human until its magical abilities normalized. The truth is, I was a changeling. My experience as a human has provided me with exceptional insights. The experience would have undoubtedly been beneficial for Cosmo."
"Maybe it would have." She agreed. Cosmo could definitely use some insight. "…Unfortunately, Timmy is 100% human, but….it was that resemblance to Cosmo that made us pick him."
She did not trust Nova, but she felt vulnerable and was devastated, and he was being kind. She needed to talk and have someone listen. "It was time for our next assignment, and Jorgen gave us a choice between six kids. We took one look at Timmy's picture and instantly took a liking to him. He looked so much like Cosmo, and he was dressed in pink; we both had the same thought at the same time 'this little boy looks like he could be our kid'. We both wanted a baby so much, but we were forbidden to have one. Timmy not only looked like us, but he acts like us, too. He's a little silly and has a bad habit of not learning from his mistakes, just like Cosmo—he even loves cheese as much as Cosmo does. He has a temper and can be stubborn, a little cynical—just like me — but he's full of kindness and has so much love to give."
"It appears that you considered him more as a surrogate son than a godchild from the outset." Nova remarked sympathetically.
"Godparents aren't supposed to become too attached. We played our game of pretend knowing full well and accepting that it would end one day." She wiped at her eyes. "But…I just can't let go of him anymore, but this entire experience has just been a cruel reminder that I have no choice. Someday, he'll slip out of my hands…"
"During my period of preparation to become a godparent, we were obliged to reiterate the maxim, "Children are akin to hamsters," incessantly." Nova proceeded to conjure up another seat opposite her and settled himself upon it. "Cute little things to love and adore, but only for a short time."
"We had to repeat that slogan, too." She sighed. "Humans live for such a short time, and the time we get to stay with them is even shorter."
Godparents always disguised themselves as goldfish, hamsters, reptiles, birds, insects; those small, furry, feathered, scaley things that came and went frequently in a child's life. The child would get the pet, knowing full well that it wouldn't live very long. That their time to play with their pet would be short. That's why godparents took on such forms; as a constant reminder to themselves of the nature of their godchild.
Something that would someday die.
"…I don't know when it first started but, every time I look at Timmy these days I can't help but think of his humanity as though it was a terminal illness."
"Wanda…" Nova's expression looked to be one of genuine pain and sympathy as he reached out, patting her hand.
"…I knew he'd die someday; but I never thought it would be so soon." Her vision blurred. "I keep thinking that I should have been there, that I could have stopped the accident, but even if I had, he sill would have died from his heart condition. My boy had a ticking time bomb in his chest this whole time, and I did not even know it."
"In a sense, we ought to express our gratitude for the unfortunate incident," Nova offered solace. "The employment of revival magic is prohibited in cases of a medically induced demise. However, given that it was done inadvertently, Cosmo was able to circumvent Timmy's heart attack. Consequently, Jorgen will be able to rectify the problem, restoring his organs so that till be that of a twelve year old, rather than a sixty-two year old."
"How could Cosmo of made such a stupid mistake? How do you only restore youth to the outside and not the inside?" She hated to speak ill of her husband to his father, but, really! He had just poofed his outside young, but hadn't fixed his organs! If Timmy hadn't had his accident, then he would have eventually died of a heart attack, and revival magic would not have activated for a medical death. The only reason it had been affected his heart was because the magic had gotten mixed up while it was reviving him from his other causes of death.
"It is probable that the inadequacy of the revival spell on him can be attributed to the discrepancy in his physical state. This was a significant oversight on my son's part. It should be noted that the efficacy of revival magic is limited to children, and in this case, while his outward appearance was youthful, his internal organs were that of a person in their sixties."
"While I'm glad that the mistake was discovered and that we'll be able to restore youth back to his organs, that doesn't help the real problem!" Her eyes stung with tears as her chest heaved with emotion as she struggled to hold back her sobs. Her hands trembled as she tried to steady her breathing. The worst thing that could happen to a human, even worse than death, had happened to Timmy. "His soul is gone."
Nova said nothing. He just waited for her to speak with a gentle expression and a compassionate gaze that made her feel like she could tell him anything. He was a kidnapper, a man who had reduced children into playthings and animals. A man who nevertheless thought his actions made him a saviour. He was someone she had found despicable just a little while ago, but his willingness to listen and his empathy were having her pour her heart out to him.
"What will my poor boy do without it?" She used her arm to wipe her leaking eyes and runny nose; knowing she must've looked like a mess, but she did not care. "What will happen to him without his soul?"
"…" Nova sighed. "Humans have two souls. The one that lives in the mind, and one that lives in the heart. Of the two, the latter is the worse to lose."
She appreciated he did not lie or try to sugarcoat things. She was well aware of how important the Heart-soul was.
The soul that lived in the brain governed the current life. Their memories, personalities, ego…if that was lost, Timmy would have been rendered little more than a living doll. While that was terrible, it was nothing compared to losing the heart-soul.
The soul in the heart was the one that reincarnated. The soul in the mind, upon death, went to the afterworld; where it existed alongside many incarnations of its self. The soul in the heart was reborn to live again. Humans lived many, many lives—sometimes thousands — until they hit a certain amount of negative or positive energy; then all of their souls in the afterworld united into one being; either divine or infernal and went on to either the realm of light or the void of darkness. It was the ultimate goal behind human lives—to achieve this completed status.
If a human lost their heart-soul, they could no longer reincarnate. They would never become completed beings. Their current soul and the souls in the afterworld would all disperse and fade away.
If Timmy were to die with his heart-soul missing, it meant oblivion.
She knew humans had many religions. Among them were those who even believed in and accepted oblivion after death. It was not something she, an immortal fairy, could even fathom. The idea of an eternal death was simply too terrifying for her to comprehend.
She had always comforted herself that all of her past god children still existed somewhere in some form, even if she could never meet with them again.
The idea for any of them…especially Timmy…to cease to exist altogether was too despairing. She just couldn't handle the feeling of emptiness it left in her chest. How could some humans peacefully choose to believe such a thing? Perhaps it was a consequence as living as something that would someday die. She couldn't imagine what that must feel like, living knowing that someday you'd…die.
"Wanda, please do not despair. I must inform you that there is indeed a viable solution to the direst of circumstances."
"There is?"
"Make him a Kinder."
She scowled and opened her mouth to give him a retort when he put his hands up defensively.
"Please, do hear me out. The Kinder have a lifespan of several millennia. Even when their physical forms can no longer sustain themselves through magic, their souls remain tethered to this realm. The Mind-Soul takes on the form of a charming firefly, whereas the Heart-Soul metamorphoses into a resplendent butterfly."
He snapped his fingers, and a large window appeared in the former windowless wall. It showed her a scene from the village square, even though they were in reality rather far from it.
Fey were sitting on their balconies, many of them playing with their Kinders, while some 'animals' from the forest came up to them to beg for treats. Fireflies in every color, made of pure energy with no physical body, danced around beautifully. She noticed that many of the dwellings had tiny miniature houses outside, seemingly just for the fireflies to use. The Fey seemed to greet these colorful little lights with great fondness.
"The departed souls of Kinder retain their memories and upon sunset, emerge from their abodes to visit their families. They are impervious to harm and shall remain in a state of perpetual tranquility. As for the butterflies, they tend to inhabit the woods, and once Timmy has undergone his treatment, I would be happy to escort the both of you to witness their beauty firsthand. I assure you, there shall be no deception involved. I simply wish to show you the true beauty of this world."
She hadn't missed the truth behind his words; what he was really telling her by showing her this. He was saying that if Timmy's heart-soul could not be restored, that turning him into a Kinder would save him from oblivion. He'd live for thousands of years as Kinder. When he did eventually die, his mind-soul would not go to the afterworld to be erased, but would remain here as a firefly for all eternity.
But…
"…Is there no way to get his soul back?" She asked, looking away from the window and Nova laughed.
"Ah, from how bull-headed my wife claims you to be in her letters, I did not think you'd give up so easily." Nova smiled as he continued to watch the luminous fireflies.
She watched them too. They almost looked like tiny little stars dancing around the village square, glowing in a rainbow of colors.
They were beautiful, but…this was not the future she wanted for Timmy, but if she couldn't return his soul to him, then at least she knew she still had a chance to save him. It was not the desirable route, but at least the option was there.
Going down the wrong path was still better than a dead end. However, she was determined to have Timmy go down the very best path possible for him….and she'd fight hard for that.
As Timmy had just said a little while ago; she always knew what was best for him.
Becoming a Kinder was the last option, a desperate route she'd take only if all other paths got blocked.
"Thank you. I can think clearer now." She closed her eyes and thought about the dream Timmy had told them about; that terrible nightmare where a maimed version of himself had tried to rip open his chest. "Dr. Pied said that his soul was missing. She did not say that it was gone."
"Exactly." Nova nodded.
"I think his soul…it tried to get back inside…" She told Nova about the nightmare that preceded the second seizure and he hummed thoughtfully.
"It does indeed sound like it; souls displaced from their bodies typically possess an object."
"In the dream it came out of the mirror—" She gasped, her heart constricting. "But…the mirror in his room…Poof broke it…."
"My dear, don't panic. If the soul could enter his dreams while he was inside your fishbowl castle, then it was not in the mirror inside his room. Furthermore, your fishbowl castle is a magical enclosed space. A human soul would not be strong enough to get out of there. It likely hitched a ride by clinging to Timmy when he went inside. Displaced souls can cling to their former vessels for a while without needing an object to take residence in. As long as Timmy stays in your Fish bowl castle, you'll be able to find his soul inside of it."
"But—we took Timmy to Fairy world and to Fey world! His soul might be wandering around—-"
"Did you see a glowing butterfly in Fairy world?"
"No?" Jorgen had brought them directly to the 'Forbidden Basement' and it had been a small, dark space where a glowing spiritual butterfly would have been easily noticed.
"As Fey, we possess an innate ability to detect any recent arrivals within our realm, thus I can confidently attest to its absence. If the heart-soul is not possessing something, then it will assume the form of a butterfly."
"But I saw no butterflies in my castle…"
"Then it has already possessed an object."
"There are so many things in my castle, though; it would take thousands of years to search through everything!"
"No. The human soul, being fragile in nature, is highly susceptible to corruption by magic. It has even been driven to abandon its host vessel when his heart was impregnated by magical essence. It would not inclined to inhabit an object imbued with magic or conjured by magical means. I must inquire, did your godchild happen to bring along any non-magical possessions into your castle?"
"Only the clothes on his back and—-" Her hand flew to her mouth. "His medicine! He takes medicine for ADHD…!"
"Vessels such as bottles, dolls, and containers, are among the easiest objects for souls to inhabit. I can say with neart certainty that his soul is likely possessing his medicine bottle." Nova smiled with genuine relief, which was strange considering how much he wanted Timmy to become a Kinder. "Also, rest at ease, if his soul incurred any form of harm, let alone destruction, there would have been physical evidence present on his person."
"So you're saying…."
"Rest assured that his soul is secure and intact within the confines of your castle. We simply need to gather it and devise a plan for its further management."
"….It won't be as easy as putting it back inside, will it?"
"Regrettably, that is not the case. However, despite how she presents herself, Piper possesses exceptional intellectual capabilities and thrives on overcoming difficult obstacles. It is highly probable that she will approach this vexing complication as a personal challenge, and will spare no effort in finding a solution to rectify the situation."
Nova patted her shoulder encouragingly. "I understand your eagerness to return to your castle for the purpose of searching for his soul; however, it is becoming late and his treatment is imperative."
"Right." She gave her eyes one final wipe and used her magic to poof her face clean of tear stains and puffy eyes. She had to put on a strong face for Timmy. It was times like this, when things were their worst, that a mother needed to reassure her child.