Snyderverse Neptunia Snippets

by Derald Snyder

Snippet 15- Yellow-Bellied Bird

Timeline- After 'Law & Order: Leanbox- The Lynx'.

Rei Ryghts was no stranger to controversial cases, but this was the first time she'd acted on behalf of a mob boss... or rather, his pet. She could still recall her conversation with the man clearly...

"Look, Miss Ryghts, I know you don't like to be seen as bunkin' with the 'bad guys' no more. But I ain't got no one else to turn to, my regular lawyers are tellin' me to just let my puppy be put down. But I love her like she's my own girl, I can't just abandon her, especially when I know she didn't bite that small-time thief to death! All she did was sniff the guy and get some blood on her snout, that's it! So don't do it for me, do it for an innocent little puppy, capice?"

('Little puppy' isn't the word I'd use,) Rei thought, given that the dog in question was a Great Dane. But so it was, that she now stood in court on behalf of the mob boss' dog. And while she'd made some headway so far...

"Miss Ryghts," the NPC prosecutor began, "Are you seriously suggesting that instead of this big Great Dane here, that the victim was mauled by an animal from the nearby house?"

"I am!" Rei asserted. "The trash can from that house had a rolled-up carpet with a large bloodstain! And luminol testing revealed some blood on the house's kitchen floor! And I have also proven that the mob boss had no way to enter said house without breaking in, which there is no evidence of happening!"

"OBJECTION!" the prosecutor protested. "There were only two pets in that house- a tiny little Chihuahua, and a cute little bird! You're not seriously suggesting one of them could cause such large bite-marks on the victim's body?!"

"I am suggesting exactly that, worm!" Rei asserted. "And I can prove it, too!" The gallery began muttering in confusion at this...

"Order!" the judge banged his gavel. "Miss Ryghts, I hope you know what you're suggesting here... because I'm prepared to give you a massive penalty if you cannot back up your claim!"

"Indeed, bluffing isn't going to save you this time... only hard proof will!" the prosecutor concurred.

If Rei was intimidated by the ultimatum, she didn't show it, giving an evil smirk in response. "Well, in that case, prosecution, Your Honor, prepare to have your minds blown! Bailiff, could you bring in the bird, please?"

"Yes, ma'am," said bailiff nodded, quickly exiting, returning a couple of minutes later carrying a cage. Setting it on the bench, the bailiff unlatched and opened the door, a round ball of yellow fluff waddling out. It appeared to have beady eyes and a small beak on the front, looking like an oversized cartoon chick. A chorus of 'Awww's and 'It's so cute!' emanated from the gallery.

"...You are seriously asserting that this little birdie is the killer," the prosecutor sighed in exasperation.

"HOLD IT! Just one moment, peon!" Rei shot back. "Snooper, do you have the thing I gave you?"

"Thing...? Oh, that! Right, just a sec..." Snooper pulled out a paper bag, opening it and reaching inside, pulling out a small slab of raw meat. "Here, chickie! Yum yum!"

At that moment, the 'chick' suddenly spread open a pair of full-sized chicken wings, the top uncurling to reveal a rooster's head with a long neck, and a beak full of razor-sharp teeth! The crowd gasped in shock as said chicken flew over to Snooper and snatched the meat from his hand, chomping it down without any further ado! "Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce to you... the yellow-bellied chameleon killer chicken!"

"K-killer chicken?!" the prosecutor recoiled in disbelief.

"That's right. A rare species once thought extinct. The chameleon killer chicken disguises itself as a cute helpless little bird, and when a predator approaches for it thinks is an easy meal... CHOMP!" Rei slapped a hand on the bench for emphasis. "Fortunately, this specific specimen is pretty docile as long as it's properly fed... unless someone assaults it and rouses it's temper!"

"Y-you mean...?!" The judge exclaimed with wide eyes.

"Exactly. Here's what happened: The victim, a small-time thief, broke into the house late at night to look for something to steal. But the chicken had slipped it's cage, and was walking through the kitchen looking for a snack... the thief, think it was a helpless chick, most likely shoved or kicked it aside. I don't think I need to tell you what happened next. Snooper, did you get those measurements I asked for?"

"Yeah... the killer chicken's teeth matches the bite marks on the victim's body," the detective said, keeping a wary eye on the killer chicken now perched on the witness stand.

"Gahh!" the prosecutor looked like he'd been punched in the stomach, the gallery buzzing from the revelation...

"Order! Order! Order in the court!" the judge banged his gavel repeatedly. "But, Miss Ryghts, if what you say is true, then why did the chicken's owner try to frame the mob boss? Or rather, his dog?"

"Because his son loves this chicken. If it came out that the chicken had killed a man, it would been taken the animal shelter and immediately euthanized! He couldn't let that happen. So, back to what happened... the attack likely woke the father, who came down and saw the grisly scene! But he had an idea... he knew that the mob boss walked his Great Dane by his house every morning, so the father grabbed the rug and dragged the victim out of the house, dumping the corpse on the street! He then tried to roll up and hide said bloody rug in his trash can, then got a bucket of soapy water and cleaned up any remaining blood in the kitchen. Clearly he didn't know the lengths that said mob boss would go to in order to clear his beloved dog's name... such as hiring yours truly as defense counsel!" The gallery started murmuring again at this.

"Please! I'm begging you!" the father in question ran up to the stand. "It was an accident! Chickie here would never have killed that man if he hadn't attacked it first! My boy would be devastated if anything happened to Chickie! Please, don't put him down!"

"Order! Order!" the judge gaveled down the audience again. "Sir, with all due respect, you shouldn't be keeping a bird like this as a pet to begin with, especially since it's an endangered species! I'm afraid we'll have no choice but to confiscate this bird from your custody... not to mention, you yourself may be charged with obstruction of justice due to your actions!"

"That being said," the prosecutor interjected, "given that this is such a rare species, I'm not particularly inclined to have it euthanized... perhaps we could simply have this specimen transferred to the nearest zoo, where professionals can care for it properly. Would this be acceptable?"

"...The defense has no objection," Rei nodded sternly. "That being said, I don't think we need to pursue charges against this man either. I think losing his pet and letting him off with a warning would be enough. I just hope that you and your son learn a valuable lesson from this, maggot!"

"I... I understand," the father bowed his head in defeat. "I just hope we'll be allowed to see Chickie at the zoo..."

"Well, you can work that out with the zoo's staff," the prosecutor stated.

"Anyway, I think it's time for the verdict, Your Honor," Rei pointed out.

"Yes, I think you're right," the judge nodded. "On the charge of manslaughter, this court finds the defendant- or rather, the defendant's dog..."

NOT GUILTY

The gallery once again broke into cheers and applause as confetti fell from the ceiling... Not far away, the mob boss smiled and nodded. His precious poodle would live to see another day... But he was going to choose a different route to walk said dog from now on.

"Ahh! Stop!" Rei cried as the Great Dane suddenly pinned her to the wall, licking her face intensely, knocking off her glasses! "B-bad dog! S-sit! Heel! Help me!"

The mob boss laughed heartily, as did quite a few people in the gallery...

*Snippet 15- End*