They took a walk around the rolling hills until dinner. The land was very green, and quite pretty, though not as warm as California or as stunning as the beach. Gretchen could just see a forest on the edge of their farm land.

The dinner was hot and plentiful, and Kathryn and her parents made light conversation, especially about what they would do when Phoebe returned tomorrow. Gretchen let her mind drift off, feeling something strange about the night.

Finally Kathryn and her mother went in to talk to Phoebe on vidscreen, and Gretchen found herself alone with Edward Janeway, her grandfather.

He was leaning out on the railing, watching the sun as it set.

Gretchen forced herself to join him.

"Can I ask you a question?," she said suddenly, "Hypothetically. Since you're a Starfleet Admiral,"

He nodded, rather seriously, and continued to look out.

"In two years, let's say. In two years when you're showing Kathryn that new technology on Tau Ceti. When you're exploring the ice caps with Kathryn, and let's say her fiancé, a man she's met and fallen in love with. In two years…..on that mission, something goes wrong, and both you and the fiancé…..let's call him John, both you and John are injured badly and unconscious and drowning. And she could transport you out, or she could transport John out, only one."

The Admiral looked at her, suddenly intent, and Gretchen flinched at his stare. Edward Janeway was looking at her as if he could see through steel. He said nothing.

Gretchen licked her lips, and continued, "Only one, you see. And she can't choose, she can't choose which one. So she lets both you and her fiancé die. When she could've saved one of you."

"What could she do then, after a loss like that?" asked Gretchen, looking away from the steel eyes, "What should she have done? What can she do now that you're both dead? That the people she loves are dead. And she caused it…..at least partly. What should she do now that what she wants most is impossible?"

Gretchen's voice dropped, and her heart skipped a beat, as she waited for the answer.

"She should keep going," said Edward Janeway, staring at her now, somehow having caught her gaze, "She should keep going," he said firmly.

"She should forgive herself," he said after a moment, voice dropping and becoming softer, "She should forgive herself for what happened."

Gretchen looked at him, searching his strong gaze, finding only honesty and firmness.

She pushed.

"If you knew that was the truth, wouldn't you regret your life?"

"No," he said in a solid, stalwart voice.

They stood there, looking at each other for many long moments. Then finally a shadow came over his face, and she realized that the truth of the situation was sinking in.

"If I….." he said slowly, as Gretchen strained to hear, "If what you say is true…..it's going to be very hard on my family. But especially Kathryn."

There was pain in his voice as he continued, "She's such a perfectionist. I've made her one. That will make it even worse, that kind of loss…..That's a huge burden, to be left behind…" he turned to stare into the house, "I hope she'll be alright."

"Do you love her, even though she screwed up? Even though she helped kill you?"

Edward turned to her then, and his eyes were unwavering and solid, and lit with something Gretchen did not understand, "With all my heart," he said firmly.

The last word was very soft, "Forever."

Gretchen took the last word in, in a kind of daze. She looked out again, at the rolling landscape, the long sought Indiana farm. It seemed beautiful, and brutal in the twilight.

It wasn't them, you know, came a voice in her head, as if from nowhere. Mary and Lynna, L'Naal and Philip, Jeremy and Alan, they wouldn't condemn you for their deaths. They wouldn't stand by, watching in satisfaction, as you drove yourself to madness.

Thomas wouldn't lure you to your death.

You know this.

I do, thought Gretchen, I know it wasn't true. I wish it had been.

Gretchen put her head in her hands, and sobbed.

Admiral Edward Janeway, her grandfather, a man she would never meet in life, wrapped his arms around her.

Gretchen cried a long time. When she pulled back she leaned over the railing, and looked out at the farm for long minutes.

You have to say it. You'll regret it if you don't.

She looked at him again, this stern, strongly built man, who loved his daughter so very much.

"I'm Kathryn's daughter, you know,"

There was only the slightest hint of understanding, and then his face became foggy. She felt herself being pulled back. She gasped, and a moment later her eyes opened.

She saw the unconscious form of Captain Kathryn Janeway. The farm was gone, she was back in the low lit bedroom on the Klingon world of Ascelpius.

"Mom!" Gretchen shook the body on the low bed next to her, "Captain!" she tried again, shaking harder, voice becoming sharp.

"What?" came the confused response, as the older woman began to move.

"We need to leave," said Gretchen simply.

After a moment she succeeded in getting the Captain on her feet. They moved through the doorway, and saw what Gretchen had known they would see.

Kh'thoh's horrible corpse was still there, his eyes and body devoid of life. It was much more rotted away than it had been.

Kathryn gasped, bringing her hand to her face, and seemed to be searching for a combadge or tricorder, anything to help or at least investigate the mystery.

"Should we take his body with us?" asked Gretchen quickly.

"Uh….yes," answered Kathryn, uncharacteristically confused, "What happened?"

"We need to leave," repeated Gretchen.

She shouted, asking for the attendant, and repeated the statement a third time.

"All of you have completed your ritual," said the lead attendant, "You may, and must, leave."

"Goodbye," said Gretchen sharply, tapping the crystal in her pocket. Kathryn tapped her own, and Kh'thoh's, before Gretchen could reach onto the ugly pyre and do it herself.

They were transported, the two living women and the corpse.

"Kathryn!" shouted a male voice a moment after the metal walls of Voyager's transporter room appeared.

"What happened?" Chakotay continued in dismay, as he saw Kh'thoh's body.

"I don't know," said Kathryn uncertainly. Her brain was still foggy and Gretchen had said next to nothing after she had woken up.

She turned to the younger woman as the full memory of Gretchen's ritual, collapse, and near death came back. She felt a weight lift from her stomach as she looked at her daughter's face.

Gretchen's alive, Gretchen's alive and we're both off that planet.

Her stomach tightened again as she began to smell the corpse.

Kh'thoh was dead. He was not her crew, but he had been under her care, and she had failed to protect him.

What killed him?

You see that dagger in his hand, don't you?

Kathryn winched, as her stomach turned so tight she felt as if she would vomit.

At Chakotay's concerned look she straightened her shoulders.

They were back on Voyager. She was the Captain here, and it was her job to lead.

"Have Kh'thoh's body beamed down to Sickbay," she ordered Chakotay.

"Gretchen," she turned to the younger woman, and softened her tone, "You head down to Sickbay too, let the Doctor look over you. If there's anything wrong I want to know immediately."

Gretchen nodded, avoiding eye contact, and left.

I think I ought to give her a bit before she has to report about…..whatever this was. She didn't seem surprised about Kh'thoh. How long was I out?

"You ought to get checked out too," said Chakotay firmly.

"I will," said Kathryn nodding, "Within the hour. But first I want to know a few things. How long were we on that planet?"