Chapter 42: Stabbed

"They have returned!" Louder than Shizuo could stomach against the searing headache he was suffering from, the shouts traversed the air.

The cheers following from his men didn't exactly help either, and yet he couldn't find himself getting mad.

Because they were back.

"Did you find something? How was the mission?" Questions over questions bombarded his soldiers from all the people present that had been waiting for them.

They had returned- successful or not was something that bastard Shiki could wreck his head about, but fact was they had been at the forest.

All of them.

And they returned.

In full numbers with not a single man lost.

"Actually there were not many titans, just two and we managed to take them out with no losses-" more and more words streamed from his subordinates' lips.

But Shizuo didn't even listen anymore.

Eyes grazing each face that approached the returning troop he looked for one specific only.

Izaya.

He had to have heard of his return far sooner than anyone else - so where was he?

Left and right his eyes traveled but spotted none of him.

"Shizuo!"

The familiar face of Karisawa shoving her way past the gathering crowd appeared somewhere to the right. Pants of breath rendered her speechless as she heaved. "How was it? Did anyone get hurt?" This woman really was too good at heart.

Shizuo had refrained from taking Kadota and her onto this mission. His subordinates were his choice after all as long as Izaya wasn't part of them.

Yet she worried, it was an honorable trait, and Shizuo sighed. "I hit my head and the headache is killing me, but apart from that we are all fine."

Relief reflected in her expression, and Shizuo would have been all up for a quick discussion of the trip and more chatter if it weren't for the fact that Izaya still hadn't turned up.

Call it his guts, a hunch, but with every second that passed, the knot in Shizuo's stomach tightened.

"Thank god-" Karisawa responded to his answer, but Shizuo's attention was focused on anything but her.

Expression dropping shortly Kariswa turned her own head to look around, but couldn't quite find the source of the deep frown that had turned up on Shizuo's forehead.

"Are you looking for someone?" the question came rather appreciated and Shizuo turned his head towards her.

"Yeah. Where is Izaya? I was sure he would come to take a look at how I'm executing his duties." The latter was an excuse of course. Izaya probably couldn't care less whether the mission had been a success as long as they all returned.

But what else was he supposed to say?

That he missed him and wanted to see with his own eyes that he was okay?

He had hoped for a simple answer, and a pointer into the right direction, but instead Karisawa's expression fell and Shizuo felt the knot in his stomach worsen.

"Ah, right, you didn't hear," she stuttered, and Shizuo felt as though he didn't want to hear what she had to say.

"Didn't hear what?" he asked nonetheless, and Karisawa spoke- like she was delivering a simple fact. Unaware of their bond, unaware of what this kind of information meant to Shizuo, she told him what he didn't want to hear.

"He got stabbed."

The floor could have started burning and Shizuo wouldn't have noticed a god damned thing as that sentence reverberated in his mind.

What?

Stabbed-

How?!

Izaya had been-

Who?!

Shiki.

A lot of puzzle pieces suddenly popped up in Shizuo's mind, some of which made sense, some of which didn't fit, but all of them were heavily ignored as only one question held priority.

"Where is he?!" startled by the considerable loud outburst Karisawa flinched for a second before answering. A few heads turned upon the outburst, but Shizuo couldn't give less of a damn.

"Shinra is taking care of him in his room and- Ah Shizuo!" Shizuo didn't need to hear more.

Before the woman could even finish her sentence he was already on the run.

Houses past by, the street flew underneath his feet-

Faster-

How bad was it?

Where had he been stabbed?

Was it a deadly injury?

Izaya hadn't come when they arrived, which meant he wasn't able to-

Death.

Was that what awaited Izaya? Was that what he already was?

Recalling the few intimate seconds they shared upon their departure Shizuo felt as though his entire world came crashing down.

He couldn't be dead-

No-

He couldn't be dead-

No-

Over and over and over the same thought repeated in his head. He couldn't think of anything else. Nothing else mattered. Thoughts circled and tried to cope, but nothing was there to cope with if he was alive.

Another set of thoughts tried to bring relief as Izaya could very well be alive and kicking- but there was nothing to be relieved over as long as Shizuo didn't know whether he was dead.

The route to their quarters wasn't a long one and yet Shizuo felt as though he had been running for an eternity when his fist finally met the front door.

Stairs were skipped in their entirety and the blond advanced at inhumane speed.

"Can you just leave it, Shinra?" And then he heard it.

Upon running up the corridor to Izaya's room.

Izaya's voice.

"Stop moving and I-" Shizuo heard the beginning of Shinra's complaint and saw his surprised face as Shizuo startled him into silence.

The door to Izaya's room had been bust open with more force than needed and Shizuo stood in the frame heaving.

"Shizu-chan-" Izaya called his name surprised, but none of that mattered as Shizuo's devilish spiral finally came to an end.

There he was.

Sitting on his bed.

Bandaids were covering the back of his shoulder and Shinra seemed to be about to put another layer onto the wound. Izaya's face was scrunched in slight discomfort at the pressure the doctor held on his shoulder but that was nothing compared to what Shizuo had expected.

Massive relief of a kind Shizuo had never felt before untied the knot in his stomach as he caught his breath.

Izaya was alive.

Hell, it seemed like the stab wound hadn't even been all that dangerous.

He was alive-

He really was. But-

"Congratulations on making it back," Izaya said, and it was as though he had broken some kind of dam.

"What happened?!" Quicker than Izaya expected him to, Shizuo moved over.

Nothing but concern and a pretty obvious inability to hide anything he felt for the raven displayed on his expression.

"Looks like I got stabbed don't you think?" Izaya tried with a joke, but trying to calm the blond down also somehow backfired.

"No, I mean how- who the hell did this?!" Worry, care, agitation, adrenaline and all sorts of emotions swirled in Shizuo's expression and Izaya swallowed.

Shinra was still there, quite caught up in something he felt like he shouldn't listen to and Izaya tried to diffuse the situation.

Who had even been dumb enough to tell Shizuo about him getting stabbed?

"I have no idea, he was gone sooner than I was able to catch a glimpse of his face." But the rage in Shizuo's face only tripled.

"What the hell- You aren´t the captain anymore, why are they still after you?!"

"Ah," A sigh spilled from Izaya's lips. "That's where you are mistaken. Me being the captain was what held most people off from trying anything stupid. Now I'm just like any other soldier. No one is going to investigate my death."

"But-!"

"I think I will wait outside." A little louder than anyone would have expected Shinra to be, he intercepted the heated discussion. The small bag containing everything a doctor needed for a quick fix was picked from the ground and he got to his feet. "Make sure you drop by later," he ordered Izaya and with one last glance to Shizuo, who had fallen awfully silent, he strode towards the door.

Unreasonable quiet followed the soft click of the door slipping shut.

Izaya had expected Shizuo to continue his assault of a million questions as soon as the doctor had left, but for some reason he had shut up completely.

A deep frown carved itself into Shizuo's forehead as he sat down on the chair Shinra had been using.

"There is a really deep frown on your forehead, Shizu-chan."

Of course there was.

What did Izaya expect him to look like hearing he got stabbed?

"They only attacked you because they gave your position to me," Shizuo concluded more accurately than Izaya liked and his frown grew only deeper.

Closing his eyes for a moment Izaya sighed.

"Are you seriously going to blame yourself for something that a random stranger finally had the guts to do?"

Shizuo's eyes narrowed at the obvious lie. He knew Izaya was just trying to take the guilt he felt off his shoulders, but the means were bullshit.

"You know that's not the case," he responded hard, but Izaya tried again anyway. "Do I? Maybe he was drunk and would have stabbed me regardless of my position. Could have paid better attention too, you know."

Shizuo clicked his tongue.

"Yeah right. That's bullshit, you said-"

"Forget what I said!"

Surprised by the unexpected outburst, Shizuo faded out.

Izaya was actually looking quite upset- the jokes and the way he tried to calm Shizuo down had somehow given him the impression that Izaya was underestimating the situation. That he was playing what happened down in favor of that.

But upon hearing his voice raise to a point he hadn't quite expected, Shizuo realized that wasn't the case.

Izaya sighed, "I didn't do it so you can blame yourself," and Shizuo's expression darkened.

"Ah, yeah you always do that," he groaned, casting a questionable expression onto Izaya's face.

"What?"

"Taking on everything by yourself," Shizuo snarled, "The kills, the deaths of the comrades, my mistakes, the punishment from the uppers, your sisters, my brother," he paused shortly to draw a quick breath. "And now you got stabbed."

Again uncomfortable silence followed and Izaya averted his gaze.

"What can I say? I like attracting trouble."

"No, you just keep it from others."

"For my own benefits, yeah." It was infuriating to talk to Izaya.

Shizuo felt like talking with a wall, and yet…

He knew where his words came from. The intention behind them-

"Of course," he sighed and his expression turned gentle.

Way gentler than Izaya had expected.

And somehow the gaze Izaya was met with seemed awfully intimate for a moment.

Even without an explanation Izaya was well aware that his words stemmed from nothing but care. The glare directed at his wound, the worry creasing his brows and the love meeting Izaya's eyes.

"You look ready to kill someone," Izaya found himself whispering and a tired smile forced itself onto Shizuo's expression.

"Yeah, preferably the bastard that did this to you."

Shiki.

They didn't need to search for the culprit, it was clear as daylight that it was him.

"Don't cause a commotion Shizu-chan," Izaya sighed, "You don't know what will happen if you do." Shizuo just clicked his tongue, not bothering to take the words to heart.

"I don't care, if he wants to mess with me he can-"

"He might try to mess with me."

Awful silence shut Shizuo's mouth as he searched Izaya's face for hints of a joke.

But there were none. He was serious.

A soft shrug followed, as Shizuo failed to reply. "Except you don't care what he does with me, then you can-"

"Like hell I don't," Shizuo quickly cut Izaya off and Izaya sighed.

"You stood up in court for me," Izaya reminded quietly, "If you act out of place and you let him know you care about what happens to me he might use me next to get you to do as he wants you to."

It was an obvious conclusion yet something Shizuo hadn't considered until now it seemed as his hands tightened into fists.

"...fuck…" He cursed.

It was a bit funny but somehow Shizuo's innocent reaction to Shikis morbid fantasy created a sense of comfort.

Shizuo was back.

He had returned from his mission. That fact suddenly seemed to force itself into Izaya with all its warmth and relief.

How could he be mad at the blond when he was just so glad that he had returned alive?

"That's what I mean Shizu-chan. When I said you don't know what you got yourself into," he whispered as he realized Shizuo and him were sharing pretty much the exact same cocktail of emotions right now.

"I didn't think it would affect you…" Shizuo mumbled, but his words were somehow ignored as Izaya could do nothing but stare.

Because there it was again, that gaze, that gaze the blond only looked at him with. And somehow Izaya was lost.

He didn't know what to do.

But they couldn't do this.

"You should go." The words came as cold as they sounded and Izaya quickly averted his gaze whilst fixing the last strap of bandaid on his shoulder.

"What?" Shizuo asked, perplexed, not quite sure what he had done to get kicked out.

"Stop dropping by my room as well, they are going to notice and that way everything might only just get worse," Izaya continued without batting an eyelid as he pulled his top coat over his shoulder with a tinge of a wince.

And then Shizuo understood.

"Are you seriously suggesting I should avoid you just because they-"

"I'm not interested in becoming a tool of their manipulation Shizu-chan."

Izaya's gaze was hard, his attitude leaving no room for negotiation-

This guy -

Feeling the familiar sensation of anger return, Shizuo frowned, "I don't care about that!"

Izaya was trying to get rid of him- but not because he wanted to but because he thought it was safer for Shizuo.

Because he was again choosing others over himself-

Agitated silence followed in which both looked at each other with equal annoyance.

It was Izaya who gave the silence up first.

"So you are not leaving?"

"No."

And suddenly Izaya moved.

"Guess I have to then."

"What?" Without another word Izaya stood from his bed. A short show of discomfort made itself apparent and Shizuo's anger spiked.

Walking in front Shizuo's back met the door and his arms crossed as he efficiently blocked the way out of the room.

"The hell you are," he announced, and Izaya's eyes narrowed.

"Are you keeping me hostage?"

"If I have to."

Izaya sighed, feigning defeat,"So childish-" but then moved swifter than Shizuo expected him to. Ducking under Shizuo's arm the door handle was gripped with precision and the door opening outwards opening a gap.

It took Shizuo a quick burst of speed from his own part as he pulled Izaya back by his waist and slammed the door shut again.

Glare thickly in place, Izaya gazed up at the blond with his back pressed to the door.

"Shizuo-" he warned softly, and Shizuo's expression churned.

This wasn't what he wanted.

Hell none of this was even what he had meant to say. Upon seeing Izaya- talking about Shiki, about their situation, the next steps- hell none of that mattered.

Because he was here. Izaya was alive.

Shizuo had returned.

Just as he had promised.

"God damnit, Izaya," Shizuo whispered, before letting his head thud against Izaya's non-injury shoulder.

Izaya's body stiffened and his voice wavered.

"What are you doing, Shizu-chan?"

to be continued~

Had to cut this chapter into two parts xD Man they really have a lot bottled up to talk about here- xDD