A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! Ok, I'm terrible – I know. If I knew 4th year would be this heavy, I'd probably have given you guys more of a heads up or something. Honestly, I can't make any promises when it comes to updates for this story. It will continue to be inconsistent until this year is done I'm afraid. I'll try to be better, but don't hold it to me. For now, my minimal aim is perhaps once a month, if I can do more, I promise I will. The same goes for my lousy replies to PMs, I read them as soon as I get them, but I suck at replying which I'm seriously apologetic for. Please be patient with me and I'll reply as soon as I can guys, but know that all your words and conversations are forever appreciated.
Anyway, I'm back with the chapter that, well it didn't start everything, but it certainly was the final nail in the coffin. It has a healthy dose of angst, so I hope you enjoy.
Flashback – 5 years ago:
Katara's POV:
A sigh escapes my lips as I stir the pot of soup on the hob with my bending. It's not long until a door clicks open from behind me, but I don't turn and continue staring at the orange liquid.
"I'm home!" Aang hollers from the entrance as he probably tries to locate me. I exhale lightly.
"I'm in the kitchen." I reply. It's not long before he finds me.
"Hey!" He greets with over exaggerated enthusiasm that I had previously thought was just his joy to see me, but now I know it's just a mask so that he could continue to hide things. He reaches forward to peck a kiss on my cheek.
"Hi." I mutter when he pulls away. The airbender frowns and tries to catch my eye.
"Did something happen at work?" He queries with furrowed eyebrows. I shake my head.
"Then what's wrong?" Aang asks. I pause in my stirring and rest a hand on the side of the cooker.
"You didn't tell me that you stopped going to your therapy sessions." I start which prompts the Air Nomad to withdraw completely. It's something that he started doing whenever I asked him something that was remotely sensitive.
"Who told you that?" Aang questions, his body rigid. I turn away from him and continue my stirring.
"I ran into Dr Iroh at the supermarket. He mentioned that you haven't booked any appointments in a few months and wanted to know if you were ok." I regale. The young Avatar hunches his shoulders up.
"Oh. Right. Well, I've been having sessions with him for so long now that I thought it was about time that I gave it a break and see how it went." Aang explains smoothly with a wave of his hand. Before he can even blink, I snap out my right hand to grab his wrist and pull back his sleeve. New pink scab marks greet me. I drop my hand to the side and stir the soup even more vigorously to dampen my feelings of hurt and disappointment.
"I..." Aang stammers.
"It's obviously not going very well." I say dully, feeling too numb from all the secrets he keeps hiding. The boy takes a cautious step towards me.
"Katara?" He prompts carefully. I clench the hand by my side.
"You promised we wouldn't keep any secrets from each other." I remind abruptly. The airbender chews his lip.
"I didn't want you to be disappointed in me." Aang mumbles as he hangs his head in shame which helps quell some of my anger as I turn to face the young man. I gently rest my palm against his cheek and gaze into his stormy orbs.
"Aang, you could never disappoint me." I murmur as I lean forward to tap my forehead against his. His hand reaches up to his cheek to cover my hand.
"I know, but the foolish part of me couldn't help but think it." The air nomad utters apologetically. My eyes flicker from his eyes to his cheek before I pull away with a sigh.
"But why did you stop going to your sessions? It can't be because you want to see how you do without them." I press. I can see him clamming up again as he sucks his lips inwards and his gaze skirts away from mine.
"I was caught up with Avatar stuff." Aang reflects with a shrug of his shoulders. I inhale sharply at the obvious lie and twist my body back towards the cooker and continue my pointless stirring.
"You never let your Avatar duties get in the way of them before." I grumble. I hear the airbender blow a puff of air in irritation.
"Well, I've been busier than usual." He argues. I close my hand over the pot of soup which stops the stirring.
"You've been coming home the same time every day." I retort. The young Avatar tightens his grip around the staff he was given years ago by a head monk that was friends with Gyatso.
"Why do you always think I'm lying?!" Aang asks, his tone dipping with tightness. My closed hand clenches and the liquid starts to move dangerously.
"Maybe because you have a history of it?!" I point out sourly. The airbender's eyebrow twitches as he throws up a hand in the air.
"That doesn't mean you can assume I'm always lying!" Aang argues. I grit my teeth and turn to face him again.
"Then what am I supposed to assume?! You've given me nothing else to base my conclusions on!" I voice loudly.
"What the heck do you want me to tell you?! You've been on my back ever since we..." He trails off as he jerks his head to one side. My face colours at what he's referring to, but his jaw starts clenching angrily and my heart dips at the reminder of the expression he gave me when he saw all my scars.
"We aren't talking about that." I utter strongly. He looks surprised as his eyes flicker back to me wearily.
"Then what do you want me to talk about?!" Aang snaps. I reel back in shock, the airbender might have had moments where he was irritated at me, but he has never raised his voice at me before. He blinks twice when he doesn't hear a forthcoming argument and only realises his mistake when I tightly grip the back of my elbow. "Spirits! Katara, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have raised my voice." Aang apologises as he bows his head. I exhale heavily and wave it off.
"Aang, it's fine. What's not fine is that you keep shutting me out. I need to know what's going on with you." I urge desperately as I go to rest my hand on his bicep, but he backs away.
"If you're worried about the therapy sessions, I'll try and fix that." Aang states, avoiding my comment altogether. I frown at him and hug my arms to my belly.
"I'm not worried about the therapy, I'm worried about the cutting. Maybe I should just get rid of all our knives." I suggest sarcastically. The airbender's face screws up in anger.
"Stop making it sound like it's a huge problem!" Aang demands. I stare at him in disbelief.
"You mean it isnt?!" I throw back incredulously. The young Avatar grits his teeth.
"I mean that it's been a part of me for a while now and if you didn't like it, then you should never have married me!" Aang elaborates heatedly. I inhale sharply and take a step back.
"Oh well in that case, I'm sorry that I married you!" I shout. The airbender's lips turn white from how hard he's pressing them together.
"You know what, I'm not dealing with this. Yon Rha will be doing me a favour." Aang mutters under his breath. I freeze and stare at the airbender.
"What does Yon Rha have anything to do with this?" I echo numbly. The young Avatar parts his lips in realisation of his slip-up. He abruptly gives me his back.
"Nothing." He mumbles, but I'm already reaching forward to grab his shoulder.
"No. You mentioned his name, why?!" I demand, but Aang only gives me a brief look before scrunching up his nose.
"It's Avatar stuff." Is all he says as he shrugs my hand off him and starts walking towards the door entrance.
"You've always told me what's going on with your Avatar stuff." I say, using finger quotations around his words.
"Well, maybe I shouldn't have." Aang retorts as he slips his shoes back on. I try to swallow the lump in my throat as I stare at his rigid back.
"This is Yon Rha, my mother's killer, and you don't even want to tell me what's going on?" I whisper tightly. The airbender pauses before donning his outside robes.
"I'm going out." The airbender states. The hands by my sides clench angrily.
"Aang, I swear if you don't tell me everything you know I'm going to..." I threaten, only to be cut off by the Air Nomad who turns to face me.
"You'll what, Katara? As far as I know, there's nothing you can do to make me talk." My husband jeers. I don't know what possesses me to do what I did. Maybe it was that triumphant expression in his face. Maybe it was the months of secrets. Maybe it was just the pressure from work. But I snap and use a forbidden art that should never be used unless a patient is bleeding out in the streets and an ambulance is too far away to provide the necessary blood transfusion. My arms snap forward and Aang who was moments away from the door handle stills instantly.
"What the...?" He utters with wide eyes as I blood bend him to face me. I take several rage-filled strides until I tower over him.
"Talk. Now." I order, but the airbender is still frozen in shock as he stares at me. I flick my wrist down and he falls to his knees. With great difficulty he lifts his head up to meet mine. The disbelief is still there, but so is the fear and anger.
"Are you...using bloodbending on me?!" He grits out. I clench my hand and he starts wheezing. "Shoot Katara! You're being insane!" He curses. My eyes flash red and I twist my hands, forcing his head down until it touches the ground.
"Tell me about Yon Rha. I won't repeat myself." I demand, my tone sounding like a two-edged sword. I hear him swear under his breath.
"Yon Rha is in town. I've received intel that he's after you." Aang rasps out with his head still bowed. My eyes widen and I force the airbender to meet my gaze.
"Since when?" I question. The airbender scrunches his nose as he glares at me. "Since when?!" I repeat more loudly as my hand clenches again. His face screws up in pain and the fear in his gaze becomes increasingly apparent. So apparent in fact that it immediately snaps me out of my hazy anger and I release my bloodbending hold on him completely. Aang drops to all fours as he coughs and splutters on the ground. I stare at him, feeling aghast. 'Spirits, I can't believe I just did that.' I think to myself as my hands begin to shake.
"Monkey feathers!" Aang curses as he continues to take deep breaths. "Who'd have thought you could be that ruthless?" He continues as he finally raises his head to meet my eyes. His stormy orbs are absent of any warmth as he scowls at me. I drop to my knees and try to stretch out my hand with the intention to heal him. "Get away from me!" Aang bellows as he slaps my hand back.
"Aang, I'm so sorry..." I start to apologise profusely as I stretch out my hand again. Without warning, he swipes me back with his airbending and I go flying into a nearby wall. I gasp as the air is knocked out of my lungs and I don't have time to react when the shelf above me wobbles and gives way on top of me. A glass vase with flowers that rested on the shelf comes tumbling down and smashes on the ground, spraying me with glass. I bite the inside of my cheek as glass cuts into me and when I look up, I see Aang staring at me with an agape expression.
"I guess I deserved that." I mumble, the words escape me before I can properly deliberate on them. Aang's eyes somehow widens even further as he backs away. I stretch out a hand, already knowing what he's going to do. "Aang, wait!" I yell, but he yanks open the door.
"We're done Katara." The airbender chokes out before sprinting and disappearing out of my line of sight and into the outside world. I try to scramble to my feet, but the glass cuts into my knees and I have to rock back to ease the stinging sensation.
"Shoot." I curse as I rub my head from where the shelf fell on me. "I couldn't be any more of an idiot, could I?" I rebuke. Carefully, I peddle to the side, avoiding the glass as much as possible and get to my feet. I bite my lip when I step on a large shard.
When I look up, I catch sight of the pot of soup that I had left on the hob and even from here I can see it bubbling and spilling over. I'm about to bend it back into the pot, but when I stare at my hand and recall what I just did with my bending, I start to go numb. The flicker of flames from the split soup has me rushing forward and switching the cooker off.
My knees give way underneath me and I sink to the ground in self-loathing. 'How on earth did I do that? On Aang no less.' I drop my head into my hands as our argument plays in my mind, as if on a loop. Suddenly what Aang meant about Yon Rha doing him a favour, hits me as a stone-cold lump settles at the pit of my stomach. 'I'm such a bother to him to the point that it would be better if Yon Rha just came after me.'
A tear slides down my cheek. And then another. Before long, I can't stop the flood of tears as my nose becomes blocked from the built up mucus. 'Spirits, how did it all go so wrong between us?' I wonder as I wipe my face along my sleeves when the tears finally stop. I sniff a few times before slowly rising to my feet.
Numbly, I spend the next hour cleaning the mess from the broken vase and the spilt soup. After that, I sit by the door, waiting for Aang to return so I can shower him with apologies and beg for forgiveness. I stay up the entire night, but he never shows. 'He'll be back tomorrow; he's just blowing off some steam.' I tell myself.
But again, the day slips by and he doesn't appear. The same happens every day for weeks. Then months. And when a year passes by, I came to the sickening realisation that Aang really meant his parting words. He never came to pick up his belongings or his Avatar papers. He just... vanished.
The anger I directed at myself, slowly turned bitter and its target became the airbender. He never left a note explaining why he left. He never called or sent letters to let me know he was ok. He never even let Sokka tell me that the two of them were still in contact. For all intents and purposes, it was like he disappeared from the face of the earth, regardless of how hard I tried to locate him and ritualistically visit his usual spots. He was just gone. Not only from my life, but from anywhere I could find him.
And with his continued absence came the biting and crippling loneliness which was only exacerbated by the fights that I had with my brother when I discovered he knew everything about Aang that I didn't. And the fact that Sokka took his side over mine. Not to mention the already growing distance between my father and I for never telling me about being Aang's guardian. Everyone I was surrounded by just lied and hid things from me. As if I wasn't important enough to be told. Or that I would be a nuisance if I was informed. Neither of them ever said it, but the truth was obvious. Aang basically confirmed it himself in our final conversation.
As a result of detaching myself from everyone, I found myself sinking in a dark hole which was only ever kept at bay when I was distracted. That's where the long hospital shifts came in. It's also when the constant exhaustion simply became a part of me. And it's why I can't forgive him.
A/N: I told you it was angsty XD I know technically this isn't in character for Aang, but this version of Aang is one I've created over the years and he's more of a pessimist. There's more to the story than just this as can probably see that I've eluded to. More will come in future chapters, but I hope you had fun reading this. Hopefully I'll be back again in a few weeks. Let me know your thoughts please & take care everyone.
Oh! I realised I wrote haematemesis in my last chapter and didn't explain what it was! It's the med term for vomiting up blood.
Side note for guest - thank you so much for your review and I appreciate your eagerness, unfortunately researching med stuff isn't the reason why I'm taking ages to update XD I only use med knowledge that I already know, my terrible updates are just of how busy uni is, but thank you for making excuses for my terrible updating heh XD
11/1/23