A/N: Hello? I've been gone for a loooong time I know. I mean, not a year, but it has been longer than I anticipated. I don't know if anyone is even interested in reading this anymore? I hope there is. Give me a shout out if so.
I had assignments and then got stressed about exams and then after that needed a good few weeks to recover from how hard I pushed myself revising and now we're here. With God's grace I passed my exams, so at least you'll be happy to know I didn't disappear without any fruits of labour. I am sorry it's taken me this long, I was hoping I wouldn't let this happen again, but here we are. I'm on my holidays at the moment, so going to try to update weekly or so. Hope you guys are still here and able to get back into the story. Hope you enjoy this angsty chapter to somewhat make up for it.
-Present time-
2 weeks later:
Katara's POV:
Needless to say, my manager was very disappointed when I came back to work looking anything but rejuvenated. She didn't comment, but she didn't need to. The bags under my eyes were evidence enough that I picked up shifts in a private hospital over an hour away from where I live. It was worth it though when I logged into a hospital computer and typed in Aang's hospital number to find out that he had been discharged 6 days ago. However, that joy was only temporary, because Kiki came up to me several hours later with an inscrutable expression on her face as she pulled me to one side.
"What is it Kiki? I've got so much to catch up on right now." I tell her distractedly as I instruct a passing nurse to put up another bag of IV fluids for the patient in Bed 2.
"Your husband is here to see you " She whispers in a hushed voice. I stare at her in disbelief.
"What? No. He was discharged." I say, not bothering to correct her about him not really being my husband anymore.
"Yes, but he came through the visitors gate and is asking for you." Kiki explains. I clench my jaws together.
"Then tell him I'm busy." I retort brashly. The nurse exhales loudly.
"I told him that it wasn't a good time, but he's very insistent and refuses to leave until he sees you." Kiki elaborates. I snort.
"Then he's going to be waiting a long time." I huff as I flick through a set of patients notes in my hands. The younger woman rests a hand on mine, stilling my fingers.
"He really shouldn't be standing that long. He might've been discharged, but he's still in a leg brace." Kiki advises gently. 'Why did she have to be right? And the doctor in me couldn't possibly leave him standing for hours.' I groan and glance around me at the bustling ward.
"Fine. If I'm not back in 5 minutes, come and grab me. I don't want him to get carried away with talking." I mutter. At the nurse's nod, I find myself dragging my feet towards the visitor's lounge.
I see him before he sees me and Kiki wasn't wrong. The man certainly looks like he was run over by a car with all the cuts and bruises littering his face. Not to mention the sling around his neck for his arm and the thick brace wrapped around his leg. Sokka's words ring loudly in my mind and I almost feel sick at the knowledge that someone wanted the young Avatar dead. 'I might be furious with him, but I'd never want him to die.' I think silently as I draw nearer to the young man.
He must've been very deep in thought because he only looks up when I'm less than a metre away from him. His features instantly softens at the sight of me and I have to cross my arms over my chest to put up some form of a barrier of indifference when my heart betrays me as it gives the barest of flutters.
"Katara." Aang greets in that tone he always used when it was just the two of us. The tone that said 'you're precious to me and don't forget it.' I bite the inside of my cheek and stare at him firmly.
"I'm in the middle of work." I utter rigidly. He raises his uninjured arm in a placating manner.
"I know, I'm sorry. I heard you were back at work and I wanted to talk to you." The airbender explains calmly. I frown at him.
"Who told you that?" I ask sceptically. Aang gazes at me carefully before he replies.
"I used to often wait for you after work, remember? And I used to talk to a few people working here as I waited." The air nomad says, but if anything, that just tells me he has someone keeping an eye on me and I don't like the sound of that. I'm just about to query him further when he suddenly leans back against the wall behind him. "Sorry, my leg doesn't seem to like standing for long." Aang mutters as he massages his hip. My eyes follow his movement, before flickering them up to meet his gaze.
"Well, you didn't have to be here." I retort, but it lacks its prior bite. The airbender's eyes turn sombre.
"I just want to talk." Aang urges as he pushes himself off the wall to get closer to me. I abruptly move back.
"We did talk. When I took your blood. Or have you forgotten that too?" The comment is cruel, even for me as a flash of hurt crosses his grey orbs.
"I...most of my memory is back now. The only thing I can't remember is..." I interrupt him before he can continue.
"Aang, I don't care." I throw back forcefully. He visibility wilts at how distant I'm being, but I have to be otherwise he'll somehow worm his way back into my life again and I can't let that happen. We're too far gone to return to what we had before.
"Why won't you let me explain?" Aang whispers, his voice pained. I squint up at him.
"What explanation is there for lying and hiding things from me for the entirety of our relationship? Or breaking your promise? Or disappearing for years?" I fire back and as he opens his mouth, I make sure to shoot him down before he can reply to my rhetorical questions. "There isn't any." I state tensely. The young Avatar drops his head and clenches his limp hand into a fist.
"You aren't being fair. I know what I did was wrong, but you aren't even giving me a chance." The air nomad croaks. I narrow my eyes at him.
"Give you a chance? It's been five years! That boat has sailed and you need to accept that." I argue loudly. "I don't want you talking to me again or dropping by where I work. We're done, Aang." I say, using the same words the man had used without realising it. A sharp intake of breath makes me pause and it's only then do I realise what I've just said.
A sudden ache perforates within me and I'm just about to give him my back when I catch sight of something falling to the floor. I blink and wonder if it was just a trick of the light, especially when nothing else falls to the ground. But when I glance down at the floorboard, I spot a small drop of transparent liquid that's splattered on the floor. 'Did he...is that a tear?' I wonder as my body feels ready to collapse over itself. 'Spirits no. I haven't seen him cry since my early days at uni.' And I stand torn on what to do. The part of me that still holds something for him is screaming to go towards him to lift up his face to confirm my suspicion, but the other part is screaming to run away while I can. In the end, I do neither and remain rooted to my spot.
"You won't believe me, but what happened back then has haunted me every day since. I've never regretted something so much." Aang chokes out. I close my eyes. 'Why did I come here? I should've just ignored Kiki. Aang would've got bored eventually.'
"I have to go." My words come out haltingly, but I can't stand to be in the room with him for a moment longer. I don't know how he does it in his condition, but he somehow is able to lunge forward and grasp my arm.
"Katara, please. I hate this." Aang begs as he raises his watery eyes to meet mine. 'Shoot. So that was a tear that escaped from him.' I mentally shake my head. 'It doesn't matter.'
"You should've thought about that before you left." I fire back. The man's face twists in emotional agony.
"We can fix this." He insists, but I snatch my hand out of his grip.
"Aren't you the one that said that marriages can fall apart?" I bite back.
"I never said that, I said-" I cut him off.
"You said that this is a part of you and if I didn't like it then I should never have married you. Don't forget that you're the one who walked out, not me. You can't come begging for forgiveness after all that." I spit as I start marching angrily out of the visitor's lounge.
I try to ignore the quick light footsteps that try to keep up with my furious pace. 'Dang, even with his injuries, he's still able to walk fast.' If I really thought about it, I'd have realised that Aang could easily match my pace and even outpace me if he wanted to. Injuries or not. He was just that gifted. But I don't think about it because I'm still fuming. And hurt. Years of longing, hoping and waiting for him to return has decayed into something vile and bitter. 'It's akin to my feelings of when I wanted revenge on my mother's killer. And I hate that I'm comparing my feelings to that. It's too extreme. But I can't help it.'
A large thud behind me is what has me stopping in my tracks. I turn around slowly and my heart drops when I see the airbender on the ground. His face is screwed up as if he tries to hold in a yelp. I don't even think as I rush forward and drop to my knees beside him.
"What happened?" I demand as I scan him from head to toe for the source of his discomfort.
"Spirits. I tripped and hit my hip." The young Avatar grits out as he digs his fingers into the ground. I cluck my tongue and look around me, hoping to see another healthcare professional passing by, but all I see are just other patients or visitors. I chew my lip and turn my attention back to the airbender.
"Can you move your leg?" I query as I stretch out a hand towards the leg with a brace. He moves it slightly, but his face twists once more. 'Shoot, did he damage the metalwork that the surgeons put in?' I wonder as I press my hand into his hip bone. A small gasp escapes him which confirms my suspicions. 'Just great.' I groan internally as I wrap an arm around his back and put his arm around my shoulders. "I'm taking you to the emergency department." I say. It takes a couple of tries until we're up on our feet and the airbender starts hobbling beside me.
"Sorry." Aang mutters after a minute of silence. I glance at him briefly before continuing to stare ahead.
"What for?" The question flies out of my mouth before I can take it back and I start kicking myself for giving him room to continue his conversation.
"You were trying to get away from me, but because of my clumsiness you're stuck with me for longer until you pass me onto someone else." Aang explains with his eyes fixed on the ground. I part my lips, not expecting him to apologize for something so trivial, especially when I was the one who was being rude. I scrunch my nose, but keep hold of his arm that remains around my shoulders.
"It's not like the emergency department is very far." I mutter. From how close we are, I pick up on the change of his breathing pattern almost instantly. The way it hitches before dipping tells me that yet again, I'm being too harsh. 'But if I'm anything else, then he'll think he has a shot at fixing things and that's not something I want him to think.' I clench my jaw and refuse to give in to the temptation of toning down how cold I'm being.
"You really hate me, don't you?" Aang's words are quiet, but they might as well have been shouted from the rooftops with how hard my head starts spinning.
"I don't think you're in any position to ask that." I grit back as I subconsciously tighten my grip around his forearm. His breathing becomes shallow and it takes everything in me not to check that he's ok.
"I..." The air nomad trails off and it's only when I feel that I'm taking more of his weight than I did before do I finally flicker my eyes his way. He's clenching his jaws and the arm that was hanging in his sling has reached down to grasp his hip. I frown and pull his uninjured arm more to my side to help him not to weight bear as much on his injured leg.
"What's wrong?" I ask when his expression of pain doesn't ease.
"Shoot. This really hurts." Aang admits breathlessly. My face flashes with worry. 'Aang has such a high pain tolerance that I've never heard him even say that before. He must've dislodged a nail or something.' I wonder anxiously as I try to pick up the pace.
"I don't know how you do it." The airbender whispers as I feel him leaning more and more into me. I scan his face once more and I feel like slapping my forehead when I see it. The sheen of sweat on his forehead, indicating a possible fever and more importantly a sign of infection. 'How did I miss that?' I rebuke myself in frustration.
"How do I do what?" I ask, just for the sake of keeping him awake.
"How do you care about someone you hate?" Aang mumbles and his head rolls to land on my shoulder. It's the wrong time to be thinking this and I know that. But the simple action brings back so many memories. The number of times the boy would rest his head against my shoulder during late evenings watching TV or sitting on a bench in the park is overwhelmingly high. I even joked about it once, saying that usually it's the girls that rest their heads against the guy's shoulder.
I swallow back a lump in my throat as I find myself half dragging the air nomad finally into the ward that I work in. Kiki spots me immediately and widens her eyes at the sight of us. She's by our side in a beat.
"Oh my gosh is he ok?!" She bombards as her hands hover around him.
"I think he has sepsis, probably a delayed reaction from the surgery he had a couple of weeks ago. Check his obs and report back." I instruct as Kiki goes running in search of a blood pressure monitor. I find a nearby bed and rest the semi-conscious airbender on it. As my hand slips from underneath Aang's head, he grasps my hand clumsily. I'm about to slip it out when he drops his next words.
"I should never have left. I just...wanted to keep our promise." He mumbles as his grip around my fingers loosens. I stare at him as my hand encloses around his.
"Aang?" I whisper as he becomes more subdued. Kiki returns with the equipment and starts wrapping it around my husband's arm. Blood pressure 93/60 the screen reads. "Set up an IV line. We need 500ml over 15 minutess of saline." I list automatically, but my body feels numb. 'It shouldn't be. I said I didn't care right? Then why is everything in my body screaming that I do?' Another doctor joins me and takes one glance at the patient before looking back at me.
"Are you doing ok here? You look a bit pale." He questions as he peers closer at me. I wave my hand.
"I haven't had lunch yet. Do you think you'll be ok to take over?" I request and he nods his head easily.
"Sure. Is this the first bag of fluids you've given him?" He asks, nodding his head towards the IV stand that Kiki is setting up.
"Yeah. He'll probably need some more. Continue the sepsis 6 protocol. I have a hunch he caught an infection from his surgery a couple of weeks ago." I say as my gaze flickers down to the sleeping airbender. I watch as his chest rises and falls in a steady manner. And I wish I could deny the flutter in my heart as I observe the young man.
"Alrighty. I'm on it. Go and have lunch and then write up what happened when you get back." My colleague ushers as he turns to Aang and starts writing up some antibiotics. My eyes linger on the airbender before I turn away and make my way to the toilets to vomit.
1 hour later:
I'm staring at my computer screen, wondering what on earth should I type. 'I get the feeling that if I wrote that I was having an argument with my husband and then gave him treatment it wouldn't go down very well by whoever reads it.' I sigh and rest my chin on my palm as I continue eying the blank screen. 'Got to say something. Stay truthful without revealing too much.' I drop my hand down and start typing.
During my coffee break, I witnessed the patient trip and fall to the ground, hitting his right hip which was previously fractured in a recent car accident. I escorted him to the emergency department and administered 500ml of fluids. Dr Yun took over the patient's care.
I read it back to myself and with a nod I submit it. Exiting the page, I return back to the dashboards to focus on another patient. Another couple of hours fly by until someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn to find Kiki who's giving me a half smile.
"One of these days you're going to get tired of seeing my face all the time." She jokes as she takes a seat beside me. I laugh.
"Never." I reassure as I nudge her arm. Her smile widens, before she flickers her gaze elsewhere.
"Aang's been asking about you." The nurse says, dropping her voice. I stiffen.
"He should know that I'm not allowed to be involved in his..." I start, sounding frustrated until the woman shakes her head.
"He's being discreet. He just wanted to say thank you." Kiki explains. I bite the inside of my cheek and glance away.
"He doesn't need to do that in person." I mutter. A slender hand pats my knee.
"But he wants to." She insists lightly. I clench my hands on the desk.
"It's always his way." I grumble hotly. The nurse releases a small breath before giving me one more pat before getting to her feet.
"I'll tell him you're busy." Kiki reassures before disappearing in between the crowd of patients and healthcare professionals. I sink back in my chair as I stare hard at my screen.
"I just wanted to keep our promise."
That's what Aang had said before he drifted out of consciousness. 'But what did he mean by that? What promise is he referring to? I don't remember ever agreeing to any promises.' I wonder as I scratch my head furiously. I lift up the patient folder on the desk to reveal another folder underneath. Aang's. I sigh and tap a pen against a hard surface. I shake my head. 'No. I'm not giving into my curiosity. I'm not.' I think firmly.
"Hey Dr Aqua?" I look up at hearing my name to find Dr Yun coming over.
"Yes?" I enquire as he leans his back against the desk I'm working on.
"Mr Southern's bloods came back and he does have quite a nasty infection. I'll never understand why patients like them don't come into the hospital sooner." He complains with a grumble. I flash him a tight smile, knowing very well why Aang of all people chose not to come to the place where his angry ex-wife works.
"Who knows." I mumble absently as I flick through a page in a drug chart.
"His obs are improving though, so hopefully he doesn't need any further operations. Wasn't sure which ward to send him to though. A surgical ward probably. Orthopaedics maybe? What do you think?" My colleague asks, his green steely eyes penetrate into me with his question. I give him a half shrug.
"Orthopaedics sounds good." I agree, sounding like I'd rather be talking about anything else right now.
"Ok great." He says enthusiastically and moves to leave, only to stop and look back at me. "Actually, I came to ask if you wanted to go out for dinner to go over some cases?" Dr Yun asks smoothly. I bite the inside of my cheek. 'I take it back, I prefer talking about Aang.' I swallow and shoot him an apologetic smile.
"I'm sorry Yun, but I'm usually too tired for that sort of thing." I voice regretfully. 'Even though I've shot down dozens of dinner offers in the past few years, it never seems to get easier.' The young doctor wilts slightly before squaring his shoulders.
"Well, I'll ask again when you're not so tired then." He decided with a grin. 'Dang it, usually people get the hint after that.'
"I don't think my answer will change much." I warn politely, but he winks.
"I respect your decision, but I don't give up easily, so I'll try again some other time." The doctor reveals and I quirk an eyebrow at how brutally honest he's being.
"Well, I'm not one to change my mind either." I throw back. He laughs and nods his head.
"I figured as much, but a guy can't help but hope." Dr Yun voices as a touch of warmth enters his green eyes. I flush and glance away. "Oh! There's one more thing I wanted to ask." Yun continues.
"You're really chatty today." I mumble which elicits a laugh from the man.
"I'm always chatty, you're just too focussed to notice." My colleague points out. I open my mouth to argue, only to close it again when I realise that he's right.
"What did you want to ask?" I ask irritably. He shoots me another smile before nodding towards the patient bays at the back.
"You wouldn't happen to know Aang Southern, would you?" Yun queries nonchalantly. I try not to freeze at the question, but I can feel my hand seizing up anxiously.
"All he is, is a patient." I say with steady eyes. He scrutinises me for a moment before nodding his head.
"Alright, because that was the first time I saw you so panicked and it looked like you really cared about him." Yun voices as he watches my facial features carefully. I stare at him neutrally.
"I care about every patient." I retort sharply. The doctor nods his head slowly.
"I know you do, that's what makes you so special. But I could tell there was something more with that patient, as if you had some sort of history with him." He deduces. I quickly open my mouth to deny it, but he raises his hand, stopping me in my tracks. "It isn't my place to pry and I don't intend to tell anyone, but I just want to remind you to be careful. There are reasons why doctors aren't meant to treat people they know. I know you passed him onto me, but this isn't the first time you involved yourself in his care from the notes I've been reading. So, just be careful." Yun urges kindly. My shoulders sag ever so slightly and I nod my head.
"Yeah ok. Thanks." I mumble. The doctor gazes at me for a moment before sighing.
"Alright. I'll be off then." He bids, but something must've comes over me as words start flying out of my mouth.
"Who do you think he is to me?" I ask outright, wanting to gauge how much he knows or how much he thinks he's figured out. My colleague appears surprised by the question before shrugging.
"I'd place my bets on him being an old love interest. Even if he doesn't seem to be someone I imagined you'd be with." Yun answers truthfully. I resist the urge to clench my hand and shrug.
"Interesting guess." Is all I say. He purses his lips.
"And here I was hoping you'd tell me if I was right." The doctor voices with mock-drama. I roll my eyes and turn my attention back to the drug chart.
"Keep on hoping, doctor." I say flippantly. He snorts.
"Ok fine, I'll go. Don't work too hard Katara." Yun says with a parting wave before disappearing behind a wall.
When he's gone, I try to allow myself to relax, but my stomach continues to twist. 'That's two people now that know I have some form of a relation with a patient. Kiki, I trust not to say anything, but I'm not so sure about Yun. He's always been very supportive, but I can't say that I know him well enough to guess what he would do with this information. Albeit, he doesn't really know anything. All he was doing was spewing some assumptions. And I never changed my last name to Aang's. I found it hard to part with an identity that I've had since I was born. And seeing Ms Aqua written on letters or whatnot makes me feel closer to my mum somehow.'
I flex my hands a few times, as if the action will ease my fraying nerves. 'Its fine. Aang's being moved to another ward in a few hours and I'll make sure that I'm never involved in his care again. Simple.' I say to myself, yet it feels anything but simple.
I sigh and push my chair back. I haven't walked more than several paces when I spot a certain airbender waving his hand at me. 'Shoot.' I curse silently. I glance away, pretending not to see, but my gaze falls on another nurse on duty who raises a suspicious eyebrow at me. 'Double shoot. I've got to talk to him now.' I drag my feet forward until I'm standing by the Avatar's bedside.
"Ka-" He starts, until I frown at him and he quickly backtracks with a cough. "Dr Aqua." He amends less than smoothly and I almost slap my forehead.
"I trust you're feeling better?" I ask, creating a mask of pretence. Aang catches on and nods his head slowly.
"Yes. I wanted to thank you." Aang murmurs. I take in a deep breath to keep my breathing steady as I shift to one foot.
"Don't mention it. That's my job." I say nonchalantly. The airbender's shoulders sag slightly and he leans back into his pillows. The disappointment from my detached attitude was expected, but nonetheless still hard to see.
"I'll be out of the hospital in a couple of days. I still want us to talk. Maybe some place where you don't work?" Aang asks as he drops his voice to a mere whisper. Instinctively, I pick up his drug chart that sits at the end of his bed and flicker through it to create an illusion that I'm only talking about medical things, but the glare in my face is obvious.
"I told you, no." I hiss back. The young Avatar gazes steadily at me.
"But..." He starts, only for me to cut him off.
"I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you and I certainly don't want to meet up anywhere with you. Just drop it and leave me alone." I snap. A passing nurse glances over at us and I have the decency to look ashamed.
"Ok." Aang croaks. My eyes snap back towards him to see his crestfallen expression as he fiddles with the edge of his white blanket. "I respect that." He adds, his voice is low and downtrodden. My lips part, but nothing exits my mouth.
"Is everything ok here?" That same nurse asks as she steps towards us with a curious expression. 'Oh spirits, what do I say?!' I internally panic until the airbender speaks up.
"I was asking the doctor for some morphine, but she rightly said that she couldn't prescribe any because of the respiratory depression it could cause which probably isn't so good after having a bout of sepsis. I was becoming very annoying. My apologies good doctor." Aang voices meekly with a bowed head. My jaw slackens. 'Dang, I forget how good of a liar he is. And how much of a genius he is when it comes to any random knowledge that only someone specialised in that field would know.' The nurse shoots the air nomad a sympathetic look.
"Better listen to the doctor I'm afraid, they know what they're talking about." The nurse says with a pat to the airbender's shoulder before moving on. I release a breath that I didn't even know I was holding.
"I'm sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was get you in trouble." Aang whispers, looking so dejected that I almost reach out to squeeze his hand in a silent 'dont worry about it'. I stamp on the feeling and shrug.
"It's fine. I should go though." I state as I slip his drug chart back into the railing pocket.
"Katara." His voice is so quiet, but I still freeze up at hearing him call my name.
"Yes?" I utter with a warning note in my voice, but Aang shakes his head.
"Nothing. I just wanted to say your name one last time." Aang mumbles as he leans his head against his pillow. I stare at him as if I've just been kicked in the gut with a cruel realisation. 'One last time? Has he really just given up that easily? This is what I wanted isn't it? Then why does my insides feel so hollow and empty?' I cough to clear my throat.
"Aa..." I trail off and close my eyes. "Take care." I end up saying and I flee before he can say anything else.
A/N: Ngl it feels good to read back angsty chapters again XD I hope you enjoyed this and hope you're all doing well. Let me know your thoughts and hopefully I'll see you all next week.
27/7/23