A/N: Hi guys! Sorry for taking a bit longer to update, this chapter is very long so didn't quite have the time to edit it all in one sitting. Mind you, this is prob my fav chapter of the story thus far, so I do hope you all enjoy it just as much as I enjoyed writing it XD I want to say a massive thank you to everyone, your comments and reviews really mean a lot and I always light up at hearing what you have to say, so thank you a lot! Anyway without further ado, prepare yourself for a chuck load of angst!
Katara's POV:
The Next Morning:
When I wake up the next morning, I'm surprised to find the airbender still around. He didn't make breakfast today. Instead, his knee keeps bouncing up and down as he stares absently into the distance. Dark rings circle his eyes and his skin appears paler than usual. I don't comment. Partly because I probably look just as bad as him.
The friction between us is still so raw and charged that it's no surprise when Zuko points it out when we finally reach him.
"Katara?" He echoes in surprise when he opens the door to find not just Aang in front of his company. I give him a half smile.
"Hey Zuko, long time no see." I greet warmly as the Firebender enfolds me into a hug.
"It has! It's good to see you." Zuko voices with a beam. Something that I wouldn't have thought possible a decade ago. My smile widens.
"Likewise." I return good-naturedly until the Airbender beside me clears his throat.
"So, you wanted to see me?" Aang interjects as he fiddles with the cuff of his sleeve. His question is directed at the Firebender, but his eyes flicker over to me before darting away. His jaws are tense as he slightly positions himself closer to Zuko and it takes me a few moments to realise he's jealous. I blink twice at the notion. 'I don't recall Aang ever being jealous.' I think in surprise as I glance over the two men.
"Oh! Well, I think I should show you. Right this way." Zuko directs as he leads the way. Its silent initially, until the scarred man speaks up. "So, I thought you two had a fight and weren't together anymore?" The Firebender throws out. I suck in a breath at how candid he's being about it and Aang who walks in front of me, stiffens up.
"We're still married." Aang grits out. I glare at his back before speaking up.
"For now." I mutter under my breath. The Air Nomad stills as he whips his head towards me.
"What?" He echoes numbly. I don't reply and push past him to join Zuko who's glancing between us uncomfortably.
"Oh jeez, I shouldn't have brought it up. I thought you guys were here together because you patched things up." The Firebender explains awkwardly. I snort.
"Nah, Aang is better at burning bridges than fixing them." I explain sarcastically. I hear the young Avatar inhale sharply behind me, but I'm sick of him toying with my emotions and getting no push back. 'He can't walk out on me and be jealous. It's one or the other.' Zuko coughs loudly.
"I feel like I'm in the way. Should I give you a few minutes to talk?" The Firebender offers, but Aang shakes his head sternly.
"No, Katara is just having one of her tantrums." The Air Nomad throws back as he walks on ahead. My jaw drops and I stare at his retreating back in hurt. Zuko glances between the two of us before resting a gentle hand on my shoulder.
"Listen, I need you two to get along for at least a little bit before I discuss what I need to." Zuko states fiercely. Aang turns around with a scowl on his face.
"I didn't even want her to be here!" The younger man complains. 'Shoot. That hurts.' I release a quivering breath as I take a step back. My hand clenches as I squint at the Airbender with all the pent-up pain and anger I feel.
"If that's what you want, then f-fine!" I choke back as a tear drops to the ground. Aang's eyes widen while Zuko takes a concerned step towards me. I spin on my heels and run towards the exit. But before I can get far, I feel a gust of air and then a hand clamps around my wrist. I try to slip my hand out, but the grip is too strong.
"Wait." Aang croaks when he sees my shoulders shaking from barely suppressing my crying.
"Let go of me." I order, but my voice trembles. The Airbender inhales deeply and keeps his hold on me.
"That was uncalled for." Aang voices weakly, as if he's trying to convince himself.
"It's not like you care." I retort as bile rises up my throat. The Air Nomad closes his eyes briefly before taking hold of my other wrist. He turns my hands over and stares at my open palms. I don't know what he's looking for or what's running through his mind because a moment later he releases his grip and drops his hands.
"I deserved that." He mumbles as he rubs his eyes. "Can we see what is it that has Zuko so spooked before we discuss our issues?" Aang asks quietly as he turns his head to the side. 'Spirits. Hearing him admit we have issues sounds a lot worse than I thought it would.' For some reason I find myself giving him a tight nod and we walk back towards the Firebender who's watching us wearily. He opens his mouth, only to close it again.
"This way." He mumbles and we start trailing behind the man.
When he takes us up the third flight of stairs, I immediately understand why he labelled this as urgent. The entire floor has been destroyed. Desks, chairs, papers and walls have all either been, shredded, broken or burnt black. My eyes dart around the place, appalled at the disarray of the room.
When I hear someone's breathing catch, my gaze darts to the Airbender who's staring at the scene with horror. His hand reaches up to clutch his shirt as he starts backing away slightly. His parted lips and raspy breathing are signs that I recognise all too well. It's been so long that I almost forgot that he even gets panic attacks.
My feet move on their own accord as I find myself at his side in a heartbeat with my hands guiding him to take a seat on the floor. His breathing picks up and I curse under my breath as I stretch out my hands to cup his cheeks.
"Hey, focus on me. You're not in the orphanage. You're here with Zuko and I." I remind strongly as I try to keep his eyes on me instead of the charred walls.
I suddenly recall how sometimes the sight of burns would trigger his panic attacks. 'I never understood why his firebending never did. He used to say it's because the fire he generated was under his control, but it never really made sense to me. All I knew was that him seeing flames or ash on the walls would occasionally spark flashbacks of the orphanage and on the rare occasion his parents' burning house.'
Aang's breathing continues to pick up. I bite my lip as I lean forward to press my forehead against his.
"Hey, you're safe. I'm here." I murmur gently. These were words I used to tell him and it was the only thing that would bring him out of his attacks. 'Till this day, I still don't why those particular words had an effect on him.'
Aang inhales sharply at hearing those words and starts coughing. But sure enough, his rapid breathing starts to slow until it returns to normal. When it does, I lean back onto my heels. I observe the Airbender quietly as he drops his hand from his chest and when he finally makes eye contact, I take that as my cue to rise to my feet.
"Katara..." He rasps out, but I'm already turning away from him.
"If you feel up to it, we can start investigating what happened here." I mutter as I walk over to Zuko who's watching us with a thoughtful glint in his eyes. When I'm close enough, I address the Firebender to distract myself from the fluttering in my chest. "Do you know what happened?" I ask neutrally. The question snaps the older man out of his thoughts as his eyes fall on me.
"I've just seen the CCTV footage, but I don't know if you should see it..." The Firebender trails off and I furrow my eyebrows.
"Why's that?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest. Zuko runs a hand through his hair before sighing.
"It might be a bit sensitive for you, but I won't stop you from watching if you insist." The scarred man explains as he leads the way to the camera room. It's a full minute before I hear shuffling feet behind me.
"Thank you." The whisper is quiet and soft by my ear, but I stiffen up regardless.
"I don't need a thank you." I mutter sharply.
"I know, but still. Thank you." Aang repeats and against my better judgement, I glance over to the Airbender who's gaze is steady and unwavering. His prior hostility seems to have dissipated for now, but he's not being exactly warm either. He's somewhere in the murky middle, in a place I can't quite understand or gauge. I jerk my head away.
"Don't mention it." I mumble as I pick up my pace.
"I'm surprised you remember those words. It's been so long." Aang voices, sounding almost nonchalant. I keep my eyes ahead of me as I answer.
"I helped you because I'm a doctor first, so don't read too much into it." I utter firmly.
"Understood." The Airbender states rigidly and I can feel the air growing colder and colder between us. I'm just about to ask Zuko how much longer when he finally pauses to open a metal door.
"I've already set it up to the date and time, so prepare yourselves." Zuko warns as he crosses the room towards a large monitor and clicks play on the screen. I fold my arms across my chest and lean against the wall as the footage begins.
Everything is quite dark, presumably everyone that was working went home for the night. Nothing happens for a minute until finally a figure appears on the camera. It's too dark to make out who it is, but he's definitely a Firebender from the way he starts bending flames and shooting down various bits of furniture.
My eyes slide over to the Airbender standing beside me. He doesn't give away anything in his facial expression, but when I glance down I spot the way that his fingers are tightly clasped together and the slight tremble in them. I sigh lightly and drop my hand to still his shaking ones. His eyes snap up in surprise, but I stubbornly keep my gaze fixed on the screen in front of me. I feel the tightness in his hands loosen and we continue to watch the footage.
The man on the camera raises his leg and smashes a table in two. He continues destroying everything around him before finally going to the stack of drawers at the back. I squint as he starts rummaging through papers, as if looking for something. He stuffs a paper into his pocket before grabbing a pen and writing something on it. Finally, he steps out of the shadows and moves close to the camera. I inhale sharply and my grip around Aang's hands slacken as I spot the familiar evil glint in his dark amber eyes. Yon Rha. 'Spirits, this guy is purposely taunting me.' I scowl. The murderer holds up the paper that he scribbled on and there in clear bold letters are the words:
Ozai will return.
Another sharp intake of breath penetrates through the silence, but this time it's not from me. I glance to Zuko who's massaging his temples before stopping the recording.
"This is what I'm worried about." The Firebender mutters. I frown and turn to face him, dropping my hand completely from the Air Nomad.
"I thought Ozai has at least another 10 years to serve in prison?" I question with furrowed eyebrows. The scarred man sighs.
"He was meant to, but it's being discussed that he might be released earlier because of his good behaviour which means..." Zuko trails off with a stiff jerk of his shoulder. My lips curve into an oval as a silent 'oh' rests on my tongue.
"Couldn't we submit this footage to the legal team who are discussing Ozai's release?" Aang asks once he's finally collected himself. Zuko shakes his head.
"They won't accept it. Apparently ,the actions of a third party holds no weight in deciding things like this unless the person convicted still holds a substantial risk to the public which he hasn't been deemed as such." He explains as his features contorts in irritation. "It's ridiculous. Ozai is a danger to society, but because he was only convicted of fraud, in possession of lethal weapons, two cases of kidnapping and one case of manslaughter, he's not considered that dangerous." Zuko rants, but I can see beneath his anger to see his fear as the hands by his side shake ever so slightly. I move forward to still their trembling.
"Zuko, it will be ok. We'll get to the bottom of this and find Yon Rha. He's long overdue some real justice." I vow as the Firebender gazes at me gratefully.
"I appreciate that, but you know better than anyone that Yon Rha is a hard person to find. And I don't have any say in what they do with Ozai. I just have to hope that the prosecution are able to win that argument." The Firebender mutters. I purse my lips and flicker my eyes to Aang who seems to watch us wearily, when my gaze falls on him, he straightens up slightly.
"Isn't this something that the Avatar can get involved in?" I prompt. The Airbender scratches the side of his head in thought as I withdraw my hand from Zuko's.
"The Avatar doesn't really deal with legal affairs. I'm more of an unidentified political head, but I suppose I could talk to them. Not sure if they'd listen since I was already involved in his case, but I can try." Aang replies as his orbs fixate on the Firebender, but from the older man's hunched shoulders, I can tell he's not convinced.
"Alright. Well, I wanted to let you know and be prepared because I'm sure my father has something horrible up his slee-" Zuko's warning is interrupted with the ringing of a phone. The Firebender fishes for the device in his pocket before looking at the caller ID. "Excuse me, I have to take this. It was nice to see you both. Take care." Zuko bids warmly with a nod of his head to both of us before exiting the room.
I watch him leave, before turning my attention to the paused screen. I stare at the image of the vile man, as if an answer of his whereabouts would reveal itself. I squint, something feeling off, but I'm not quite sure what.
"Katara?" Aang starts cautiously.
"Hmm?" I hum back, not taking my eyes off of the desktop.
"About before...I'm sorry." The Airbender apologises and from the corner of my eyes I see him dip his head forward in a bow. "It was rude of me." He continues in a quiet voice. I resist the urge to snort and shrug one shoulder.
"I guess I did trigger your response." I mutter half-heartedly.
"Still. I shouldn't have returned it." Aang insists. I sigh and finally pull my eyes away from the computer monitor.
"What do you want me to tell you Aang? That I forgive you?" I ask, sounding exasperated. Aang's lips part as he watches me. Finally, he drags his eyes away before he speaks.
"That you don't hate me." His response is quiet, but his voice cracks on the word 'hate.' I almost choke at the reminder of the words I said. I try to keep my face neutral as I return my eyes to the monitor. I don't reply. "Do you like him?" Aang asks when I don't say anything. My eyes immediately snap back towards him at his query.
"Who are you...wait, are you talking about Zuko?!" I ask, trying not to sound as appalled as I feel, especially when the Firebender might be close to the vicinity. When Aang nods his head slightly, I look at him in disbelief. "What in spirits name would make you think that? Heck, what gives you the right to even ask!" I retort angrily and to my satisfaction the man looks ashamed.
"I-I just thought...you were really friendly and happy with him." Aang stutters, as if saying the words physically pains him. I quirk an eyebrow and raise my index finger.
"For one, he's married to Mai. For another, he's my friend that I haven't seen in a while. Thirdly, whether I like him or not isn't any of your business." I explain irritably. The Airbender withdraws into himself a little more with each rebuke. "And for your information, I don't like him in that way." I add with a tone that dares not to be argued with.
"Sorry, stupid question." Aang mutters as he kicks the ground. I snort in agreement before glancing at the monitor one last time. There. It's right there. "But is there someone that you..." Aang starts until I cut him off.
"Do you see that?" I ask with a pointed finger as I peer closer to the screen. Aang blinks before coming to stand beside me to squint at the image. He follows my pointed finger before widening his eyes.
"Is that flame...blue?" I breathe out.
"It...looks like it. You think Azula is..." Aang trails off, but he's on the same tracks as my mind is on.
"Shoot, we should tell Zu..." I begin urgently until a slick feminine voice slices through the air.
"What a long time it's been." Azula oozes out as she steps into the room we're in. Aang and I stiffen up before turning slowly to face her. She quirks an eyebrow when she spots me and rests a hand on her hip. "Never expected to see you here. What was your name again? Hm, Katara was it?" Azula recalls as she snaps her fingers in remembrance. I narrow my eyes at her.
"Are you working with Yon Rha and your father?" I demand, not wasting time in fake pleasantries. Her other eyebrow shoots up in surprise and she regards me steadily.
"What makes you think that? If you haven't noticed already, Yon Rha trashed the company Zuzu and I run, what intelligent person would work with someone like that?" The Firebender prodigy drawls out as if I was stupid. I grit my teeth and forcibly point at the flicker of blue flames on the screen.
"Then why are your blue flames captured on the camera at the exact same time as when Yon Rha was here trashing your company." I retort sharply. Azula scrutinises me before crossing the room. My body tenses up and Aang shifts his stance. But the woman merely strolls past us and leans forward to check the footage.
"You do realise that I'm not the only one that can bend blue flames, right?" Azula points out mildly. I snort.
"Actually, you're the only one I've met that can use blue flames." I answer sarcastically. The younger woman rolls her eyes.
"It's a rare ability, of course you wouldn't have met anyone else with it. Quite frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if you could count the number of times you've seen firebending on two hands." Azula taunts while I clench my hands. I'm just about to cross the distance between us when Aang's hand lands on my shoulder, as if reading my mind.
"So, do you know anyone else that bends blue flames?" The Airbender asks calmly. Azula flickers her attention to the man with curiosity. When her eyes scan the Air Nomad from head to toe, I start to feel uncomfortable and cough to distract her attention. Azula picks up on my implication almost immediately as she smirks.
"Don't worry Katara, I have no interest in your husband. Although, I thought you two had split up. Guess I was wrong." The Firebending prodigy voices with a shrug. I clasp my elbow as I narrow my eyes at her.
"We're not together." I mutter rigidly. Aang stiffens beside me and I only notice that his hand was still on my shoulder when he drops it to his side. Azula glances between the two of us as her smirk widens.
"Maybe you should tell him that." The Firebender jeers. My eyelid twitches, but Aang quickly steps in.
"You didn't answer my question." The Airbender queries, but his voice sounds strained with repressed emotion. Azula tilts her head as her eyes wander to something on the wall before returning to us.
"I don't keep tabs on everyone who uses the same flames as I, but my father did employ some staff with the ability. There should be a record of our current and ex-employees that you can look through if that would help you in your search." Azula provides helpfully. I quirk an eyebrow suspiciously at her.
"You sound almost a little too helpful." I voice wearily. Azula snaps her eyes towards me as her face contorts in mock hurt.
"And here I thought saving you from Yon Rha all those years ago would make us friends." The younger woman utters sweetly as she rests a hand over her sternum. 'Shoot. I hate that it feels like I owe her one.' I clench my jaws briefly before relaxing.
"I think friends is a strong word." I mutter, but the Firebender watches me, waiting. I release a heavy breath. "But you're right, I'm being judgemental. I apologise. And we appreciate your help." I admit begrudgingly, but Azula takes it with a satisfied smile.
"You're forgiven. If you need any more information, drop me a call." The woman offers as she whips out a company card and on it is her number printed underneath Zuko's.
I take it hesitantly. As my hand starts to withdraw, she grabs it. My body freezes in anticipation, but the Firebender simply laughs.
"Lighten up waterbender, I'm not going to bite." Azula murmurs by my ear before pulling back. "The files you need are in the bottom drawer over there. Good luck, there's a lot of papers to sift through." Zuko's sister points out as she heads towards the exit. She rests a hand on the doorframe before looking back at us.
"One last thing. Be careful on letting go of your man. I'm sure someone else will swoop in to take him away from you." Azula voices with a devious glint in her eyes. She disappears out of the door before I can fire back a retort. I clench my hands into fists before spinning on my heels to stalk over to the set of drawers she pointed at.
"The nerve of that woman. She's just as frustrating as she was back at university." I rant as I drop to one knee to open the last drawer.
"So, we really aren't together anymore?" Aang whispers quietly. I freeze just as my fingers touch the edge of a stack of papers. I swallow and stare at the white sheets.
"Isn't that what you wanted?" I finally say as I pull out the huge stack. 'Spirits, this will take forever to go through.' I think with a sigh. Footsteps draw nearer to me before stopping.
"You know I'd never want that." Aang murmurs from behind me. I grab another stack of papers and place it on top of the pile that I've already put on the floor.
"This is coming from the person who was literally just about to walk out again yesterday." I remind sourly. I grab the large pile and move to stand. It's heavier than I anticipated and I can feel the top half starting to topple. The Airbender's arms snap out to align them before it falls. His hands brush against mine and I almost drop them all.
"I know you won't believe me if I said I have my reasons." Aang replies quietly as he locks eyes with me. I snort.
"You're right. I won't." I shoot back as his hands move towards the bottom of the pile to take it from me. "I can do it." I state firmly. He glances at the huge pile before sighing.
"Let me take the top half at least." He requests. I scrunch up my nose.
"Your arm is still healing." I remind plainly. Something crosses Aang's eyes as he leans back slightly.
"I want to help." The Air Nomad insists. I breathe out through my nostrils before jerking my head towards the top quarter.
"Take that tiny part then." I concede. Aang dips forward to take the assigned pile. I watch him for a moment before flickering my gaze elsewhere as I try to ignore our proximity.
"Katara?" Aang probes quietly. My eyes drift back towards his. In them I see obvious confliction. "I..." He starts, only to trail off and shake his head. "Nothing." Aang mumbles. I furrow my eyebrows at him.
"That's the second time you haven't finished your sentence." I point out as I shift the papers in my arms. Aang gives me a half smile.
"Guess that hasn't changed then." The airbender jokes weakly. I quirk my eyebrow.
"What hasn't changed?" I ask, unamused. Aang looks away.
"You still make me tongue-tied." He mumbles. My breathing catches as the organ in my chest leaps up through my oesophagus. I clear my throat.
"I told you, we're not..." I begin, only for the airbender to finish my sentence.
"We're not together, I know." Aang completes as he glances back to me with sad eyes. 'Oh shoot. Not that look.' I close my eyes briefly before taking a step forward.
"We should head back so we can start looking through these." I say to change the subject. Aang's head falls as he nods.
"You're right." He mumbles as he starts walking ahead of me. I feel a pull in my chest, but I stamp on it and continue to trail behind him. As I walk behind him, I notice something that I hadn't before. He's limping. And the way he limps is so pronounced that I kick myself for letting him carry anything.
"You should let me carry the papers. You can barely walk." The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. Aang pauses, but doesn't turn.
"It's fine." He answers simply before continuing. My feet come to an abrupt halt at hearing those two words that I've always hated. Words he promised he wouldn't use if he didn't mean it. And I hate that it upsets me just as much as it used to when he'd say he was fine, but he clearly wasn't.
Aang seems to notice that I'm not following after several moments and turns back to look at me. When he catches the expression on my face, he frowns, then widens his eyes in understanding.
"Oh shoot. I didn't mean..." He stutters. My fingers dig into the papers before I force my feet to move forward.
"If we're not together, then you aren't obligated to keep any of your promises anymore." I say statically. Aang reaches forward to grasp the crook of my elbow.
"Katara, I just forgot is all." Aang insists. I glance down at his hand on my arm. I bite the inside of my cheek hard.
"Let's just get these papers home." I mutter. His hand falls away from my elbow. I hear him blow out a small puff of air before he starts trailing behind me. When we reach the car, I dump the papers in the backseat and go round to the driver's seat. I'm already fastened in and tapping the wheel impatiently when Aang finally sets his small pile at the back. I try not to watch him as he slowly eases himself into the passenger's seat. When he shuts the car door, I finally release the handbrake and move off.
The air is just as tense as it was on the drive over. When I look at the left door mirror, my eyes catch the way Aang is clasping his hands tightly together. But what really catches my attention is his fingernails are noticeably digging into the backs of his hands. I sigh quietly and when I ease the car to a stop at the next red light, I reach forward to pry his fingers apart. I keep my hand over his until the traffic lights change to green and take the next turn.
"Do you really hate me?" Aang asks quietly. I keep my eyes on the road as my grip tightens on the wheel.
"It doesn't matter." I answer neutrally. I hear him swallow as he leans further into the back rest.
"When do you want me to sign the papers?" The Airbender queries, sounding more and more withdrawn. I frown.
"What papers?" I question as I glance at my rearview mirror.
"The divorce papers." As soon as those words exit his lips, I find myself slamming the brakes, narrowly avoiding hitting another car.
"Spirits! Aang, I'm trying to drive." I curse as I reverse slightly. The frightened driver in the other car shouts angrily at me before revving off. I exhale and press on the gas pedal.
"I'm sorry." The Airbender apologises, his voice barely above a whisper. When I glance over at him, I find that he's grasping his kneecaps so tightly that his knuckles go white. I click my tongue against the roof of my mouth and start looking for a space to pull up in. When I find one, I ease the car into the slot. Once the vehicle is in place, I put the handbrake up and turn off the ignition before turning to the rigid Avatar. I frown.
"What's with you?" I demand as Aang's eyes drop to the floor.
"What do you mean?" He questions in a mumble. I throw one hand up in the air.
"You're going back and forth like a ping pong ball! One moment you're jumping to leave and being so insensitive and the next moment you're acting all jealous and hurt. Make up your mind!" I hiss in exasperation. The Airbender loosens his grip on his knees as his shoulders sag.
"You're doing the same thing." Aang points out. I scrunch my nose at him.
"How so?" I ask blandly. He looks up at me.
"You say stuff like we're not together and that you h-hate me. But why do you comfort me when I'm having a panic attack? Or get bothered about my injuries? Or stop me from hurting myself? You're giving me just as much mixed messages." Aang lists off as he holds my gaze.
My throat goes dry when I realise how many times I've slipped up. 'I was always so nurturing with Aang when we were together. I suppose it's simply second nature by this point and I found myself slipping into those habits without much thought.' I take in a deep breath to steady my fraying nerves.
"We've been together for 5 years and I've known you for 6, if we don't include the 5 years you disappeared. Some habits are hard to forget. I comfort you because it's something I've always done when you suffered a panic attack in the past. I get bothered by your injuries because that's the type of person I am. And I don't want you to hurt yourself because..." I pause as I consider my next words carefully. "... I've always hated seeing you in pain. These are fundamental parts of myself that I will slip back into subconsciously. But, that doesn't change the fact that you lied to me, hid things from me, then walked out as if it was no big deal. And you're doing the same things even 5 years later. I'm tired of it."
I take in a deep breath before I say my next words.
"You said before that I shouldn't have married you since this is a part of you. Well, maybe you were right." I end my monologue in a mumble, but the man picks it up clear as day. He doesn't reply for the longest time. Only stares at the dashboard of the car while biting his lip hard. The only indication I have that he heard me is the glistening in his eyes and his crestfallen expression.
"I... understand." He finally forces out. I wait for him to say something else, but nothing comes out. I resist the urge to scream to the heavens as I turn on the ignition.
"I want to protect you, but I don't want to leave you." Aang says over the sound of the engine. My fingers twitch, but I keep my hand on the car key.
"You always say the same thing. And I always give you the same response. We're just running in circles at this point." I huff, exasperated. Aang turns until his body is positioned towards me.
"Yon Rha ran me over in the hopes that you would be in charge of my care. He wanted us to rebuild what we had so that it would hurt me more when he takes you away. He doesn't realize that my feelings for you never waned. Not even after our fight." The Airbender reveals. My body goes still as I digest his words.
"How do you know this?" I finally ask. Aang picks at a thread on his trousers as his eyes turn inwards, as if stuck in a memory.
"He told me after he hit me. It's why I was so anxious yesterday once I remembered it." Aang admits. I contemplate this before leaning further into my chair.
"You really think I can't protect myself after all this time?" I say, my voice sounds hollow, even to my ears.
"Katara, I told you it was never about that. I don't want to risk losing you. I won't be able to take it." Aang urges as he starts rolling up his sleeves. I keep my eyes fixed ahead of me. "Look at me Katara." The Airbender requests, but I stubbornly refuse.
Pale fingers reach out to tilt my face towards him. I resist at first, but eventually I give in and allow my sky-blue orbs to fall on his bare arms. I saw the white faded marks when the man was topless the day before, but my mind was too occupied with both the massive burns on his back and the gruesome old wound at the centre of his chest to take much notice. Now though, it's crystal clear that there's more than there used to be. Much, much more.
I used to trace them with my fingers and kiss each one whenever I woke up before the Airbender. Right now, there's way too many to trace or kiss. At this point, they all merge together that one could assume his arms are just one big massive scar. 'I hate that tears prick at my eyes. I hate the guilt and self-hatred that wells up within me at the sight of them. And I hate that I wasn't there to stop him. '
"I need you Katara, but knowing that you're safe is enough for me." He sighs and leans back. "There's like a war going on in my head and it's telling me two very different things. Keep away from you and don't leave you. I don't know what I'm doing anymore." Aang mutters as he runs a hand over his bald scalp. I open my mouth to answer, but his phone suddenly goes off. He doesn't move. I sigh.
"Go ahead." I encourage and only then does he answer the device.
"Yes? I'm kind of in the middle of something...right now? Fine, fine. I'm on my way." Aang grumbles as he ends the call. I look at him expectantly as he shoves the phone back into his pocket.
"It's the council. They're concerned about Ozai's possible release and want me to be there at the initial hearing." The Avatar regales back to me. I nod my head and start up the engine once more.
"That's important. Where do you want me to drop you off?" I ask as I pull out of the parking space, but Aang shakes his head.
"Best you don't. Yon Rha being in the area means he could be watching us as we speak." Aang warns. I open my mouth to protest, but the plea in the man's face is too hard to ignore. I exhale heavily and make a U-turn towards the house.
"Alright then." I reply reluctantly. The car is silent for a few minutes before the Airbender speaks up again.
"I'm sorry that we couldn't finish our conversation." Aang apologises quietly. I shake my head.
"No need. I'm used to you being called away for Avatar stuff." I answer nonchalantly. The Air Nomad hesitates before speaking up.
"Does it bother you?" He asks anxiously. The corner of my lips twitch upwards.
"At first, it did. But it hasn't for a long time." I reply smoothly as I indicate left. Aang hums in understanding as he leans his elbow on the window sill. "So, about that war in your head." I start which prompts the Airbender's gaze to move away from the window to me.
"Yeah?" He prompts wearily.
"There isn't something to silence it?" I query offhandedly. Aang parts his lips in surprise and starts tapping the dashboard with his fingers.
"Would silencing it make a difference between us?" The Air Nomad asks at last. I bite the inside of my cheek and stare at the road.
"I... don't think so." I mutter as I slow the car to a stop at a yet another traffic light. Aang closes his eyes and leans his head against the head rest.
"I guess that's good because there's no silencing it." The Airbender discloses simply, but only someone that knows him would pick up the slight waver in his voice. I tap my thumb against the wheel in an attempt to divert the focus of the conversation.
"You said, you were leaving after a few days. Where are you going?" I ask, trying not to sound as interested as I am.
"Not sure yet. The council haven't given me my assigned location yet." Aang states neutrally, but we both know he's lying. Various councils always give the Avatar a timetable of places and times he should be present at. It was exhausting to keep up with them all when he first started, but we found a way to make it work. I bite back the rising hurt and fixate my gaze on the road. When I don't reply, the Air Nomad releases a quiet breath.
"You know I'm lying." He mumbles. I give him a terse nod.
"Mmm hmm." I hum back tiredly. His shoulders sag.
"Of course you do. You were always too good at picking up when I wasn't being honest." Aang recalls with a shake of his head. "I'd prefer not to say." He amends. I exhale heavily and turn the wheel right, onto our road.
"Why am I not surprised?" I mutter under my breath as I rest my hand on the gearbox.
"Can we talk about this more when I get back?" My former husband requests in a plea as he places his hand on top of mine. My fingers twitch, but I don't move.
"Talking hasn't gotten us anywhere. Let's just get through the next couple of days and part ways. We're obviously not going to fix this." I voice stiffly as I slip my hand from underneath his and return it to the steering wheel. The Airbender doesn't put up as much of a fight as I thought he would. Instead, he sighs lightly and drops his hand back into his lap.
"Alright then." Aang agrees quietly which is the total opposite of what I really wanted to hear. I don't reply and indicate left to enter my driveway. I switch off the engine and pull out the key. I stretch out my hand towards the door handle, ready to open the car door when a hand settles on my shoulder, pulling me back.
"You've got somewhere to be, don't you?" I remind sharply with my back still turned as my eyes begin to burn with unshed tears. Somehow, he eases me to turn towards him and his gaze softens when he sees my face. His hand reaches out to settle on my cheek as he observes me silently.
"That doesn't look like a face that hates me." Aang teases lightly, but I can tell that those words had cut deeper than he's implying. I move my face out of his reach.
"Stop it." I grit out as I clench my hands. I hear him sigh as he lets go of me completely, but not before he gives me a final squeeze on the shoulder.
"We'll talk when I get back." Aang promises and finally exits the car. I watch as he grabs his staff from the back seat. In one swift motion the staff opens up into a glider and he's up in the air before I can say anything else.
I run a hand through my hand. 'Keep it together Katara. You need to move on. He isn't good for you. Not anymore.' I mentally try to convince myself, but there's still a dull ache in my chest and my shoulder from his touch.
I open my car door and grab the large pile of papers before entering the house. I dump the stack on the dining table, knowing that I probably should start looking over them. But when my eyes land on the third name, I suddenly feel nauseous. Yon Rha. I push the pile to one side and make my way upstairs.
Once I've changed into a nightgown, I'm just about to close my wardrobe when a shoe box at the bottom of the closet catches my eye. I bite my lip and kneel down to pull it out.
After my mother died, I decided to put anything special to me in this box as a way to hold onto any cherished memories since people can easily disappear from our lives and the only evidence that they existed are objects and memories. 'I've not put anything in it for a long time. I almost can't remember what I put in there in the first place.' It's always peeking out of my closet when I change, but today is the first time I feel a pull to open it.
I inhale deeply and remove the lid. The first thing my eyes land on is a picture of Aang and I. We're wrapped in each other's arms with the biggest beams on our faces. It was taken on our first anniversary. A year after graduation. When we both were healing. When the Airbender was getting the help he needed. When we were open with each other. 'Or so I had thought. I didn't realise he was hiding something as important as his guardian being my father. Or that Sokka was already in on it.' Yet those smiles in the photo looked so genuine. So real.
The ache in my chest intensifies as I stretch out my hand to pick up the picture. 'I remember putting it at the top of the box because it was the first thing I wanted to see whenever I looked back on precious memories. But now they're all soiled with lies and secrets.' The photo slips from my fingers and flutters onto the carpet. The next photo that stares up at me is a family photo of the four of us. Mum, Dad, Sokka and I. 'One of whom is gone and the other two are liars.'
I release a shuddering breath as my mum's kind eyes gaze up at me. Her head is resting playfully on Dad's shoulder while Sokka has his arm swung around my shoulders. I immediately flip the picture around. Everything surrounding Mum is still a sore subject. 'I don't talk about her as much as I probably should, because her memory is always associated with so much pain. I haven't cried abound it in a long time, but there's always a touch of sadness when I look at her pictures. Maybe because she never got the justice she deserved. All because the supposed gun in the camera footage wasn't the same gun that she was shot with.'
I shake my head and take out the next object. The engagement necklace Aang gave me when he proposed. A lump lodges in my throat at seeing it. He was so sweet when he gave it to me, saying that I didn't have to replace my mother's one and that I should just keep it somewhere safe. My lip wobbles as my thumb brushes over the intricate details that he carved especially for me. The air and the water.
My eyes flicker over the rest of the box's contents, ranging from various other photos of my brother, Dad, Aang, Toph, Teo, Haru and Zuko. My medicine degree certificate. Tickets of the Ember Island play that I saw with my friends from uni. A ticket of the first movie Aang and I saw together in cinema. Trinkets he gave me over the years like flower necklaces and animal charms. I pick up my favourite. The Koi fish.
I close my hand around the small object and clutch it tightly as I bury my face in the crook of my elbow. 'How can I move on when I'm still so attached?' I wonder as my stomach twists with the wave of confliction. 'He didn't trust me.' I think numbly as I re-open my hand to stare at the charm. I pull my arm back and I'm just about to chuck it at the wall when I hear creaking floorboards behind me. I stiffen, but relax when I see that it's just the Airbender who hovers unsurely at the open door.
"I, erm...sorry I'm not interrupting something, am I? I saw your door open and erm..." He trails off with a useless shrug. I drop my pulled back arm to my lap and glance away.
"No. You're... you're not interrupting anything." I mumble as I fold my hands on top of each other. From the corner of my eyes, I watch the Air Nomad lift one foot to enter, but he hesitates. After a few moments, he makes up his mind and enters into the bedroom. His breathing becomes shallow and I can only imagine why. This used to be our room. Aang kneels on the ground beside me and I try hard not to become more rigid than I already am. His gaze drops to the open shoe box and he immediately inhales deeply.
"Wow, you still kept all this stuff?" Aang echoes in surprise as he stretches out a hand to pick up a photo of when the six of us (Sokka, Aang, Toph, Zuko, Teo, Haru and I) celebrated my graduation with a fancy meal in a restaurant.
I gaze at the photo for a moment before looking away. I lift one shoulder up in response, but the man isn't deterred as he widens his eyes to pick up something else.
"Oh my gosh you still have all the animal charms!" He gushes as he looks at each one. His favourite ones were the sky bison and the lemur. I had bought them for him as a birthday present, but the day after he ran away I found them left behind on his desk. I swallow.
"Yeah." I mumble as I uncover the one still clutched in my hand. His gaze follows my movements and when he sees the Koi fish his face falls.
"Oh." He utters, finally piecing together what I was about to throw. His gaze flickers back to the charms in his hands and then back to the Koi fish. Silently, he starts putting the charms back into the box, one by one. But when he reaches for the sky bison my chest tightens.
"You should keep that one." I say quietly. He glances up in surprise before re-focussing on the charm.
"You sure?" Aang asks hesitantly. I nod my head slowly. He closes his eyes briefly and drops his hand to his lap, mimicking me.
"I...really hurt you." The Airbender notes quietly. I swallow again and stare at the ground.
"You left and I dealt with it." I utter statically. Aang's hand rests on top of my palm that holds the Koi fish.
"I shouldn't have lied about everything. You had a right to know who my guardian was and you had a right to know that Yon Rha was after you." Aang admits as his eyebrows furrow in a silent apology. I close my eyes.
"Then why didn't you?" I ask, sounding vulnerable and exposed. When I re-open my eyes, Aang is chewing his lip.
"Initially, I thought it was best that you didn't know. Ignorance is bliss and all that. Then after a while I thought it would be awkward if you knew that your Dad was my legal guardian. It felt like...we should be siblings instead of being together and I didn't want things to change between us and then when you did find out. It... confirmed my fear. So, I just..." Aang trails off.
"Refrained from telling me anything else in fear of my reaction." I finish for him numbly. He drops his head as he nods slowly. I fist the edge of my gown as I stare hard at my bare knees. "That day I shook my head. It wasn't what you thought. My mind was caught up with so many feelings and I shook my head to get myself back ln track, but you thought..." I try to explain until Aang inhales sharply.
"Oh. I thought your reaction was because you wouldn't have married me if you knew, but...Spirits, I really did jump to conclusions." Aang curses as he holds his head despondently. I bite the inside of my cheek as I consider my next words.
"I...I still would've married you even if I knew that my Dad was your guardian." I whisper with a strained voice. Aang drops his hand from his head as he stares at me.
"So, it didn't bother you that..." He trails off, but he doesn't need to finish his sentence for me to understand what he's trying to say. I shake my head.
"Not as much as it probably should've. But that wasn't what bothered me. It was the fact that you..." I'm cut off by the shrill of the doorbell. I blink and glance at the Air Nomad. "Are you expecting someone?" I ask with a frown. Aang blinks twice before shaking his head.
"Definitely not. I thought maybe you were?" The Airbender queries as we both rise to our feet and cautiously descend down the stairs.
"I haven't invited anyone around here since you left." I mutter and the Airbender flinches at the not-so subtle jab.
"Right." He mumbles as we reach the door. I look through the peep hole and my jaw drops at seeing Dr Yun at my doorstep. I turn to Aang and wave him away.
"It's my colleague from work. Spirits know why he's here." I grumble. I catch the frown on Aang's face before he slowly walks backwards. I wait till he's out of sight before unlocking the chain and opening the door. "Dr Yun?" I greet with an obvious question in my tone.
"Hey! You know you can drop the doctor title when we're not at work." The man reminds good-naturedly. I sigh inwardly, already having a good idea with where this is going. I lean my hip against the door frame and cross my arms over my chest.
"Yun, why are you here?" I ask bluntly. The man grins at my forwardness and nods his head.
"Well, I still want us to have dinner together at some point." The doctor requests determinedly. This time I sigh aloud. 'Its times like this when it would just be easier to tell people that I'm married.' I think irritably.
"I thought I turned you down at the hospital." I remind dryly. The doctor shoots me a sheepish look.
"I know, but hear me out. I really need a colleague to check over my case presentation." Yun pleads as he rubs the back of his neck. I quirk an eyebrow at him.
"I'm not the only doctor on the ward." I point out, only for the man to laugh.
"True, but you're the only doctor that really cares. And my presentation focusses on what happens when doctors become desensitised to patients' pain." My colleague explains. I exhale lightly.
"Could we just not talk this over at work?" I ask, sounding exasperated. The doctor seems to get the message as he shoves his hands in his pockets.
"It's ok. I can tell you're not keen. I'll go over it by myself. Forgive me, for intruding." Yun apologises with saddened eyes. I bite the inside of my cheek and push myself off the doorframe.
"I suppose we could run through it over lunch." I utter reluctantly. The man's eyes light up as his face splits into a grin.
"Really?! Thank you!" Yun gushes excitedly as he takes my hand to shake it gratitude.
"But it's only to look over you presentation. That's it." I clarify seriously. He nods his vigorously.
"Of course." He agrees wholeheartedly, but I have a niggling feeling that he's not being entirely truthful.
"How did you even get my address?" I ask suspiciously. Yun gives me a sheepish smile.
"I got it from your doctor friend. Yue, I think her name was?" The physician replies as he rubs the back of his neck. "I'm sorry. I know that was an intrusive thing to do, but your friend volunteered the information." Yun explains. I cluck my tongue. 'Yue. Of course. She's been trying to get me to move on for ages now. This is probably her way of doing that. Again.' I sigh.
"Just don't give my address to anyone else." I order as the man salutes.
"Aye aye!" He replies before taking a step back. "Well, I better to go. My daughter is probably missing me." Yun throws out casually. I freeze and stare at him. 'A daughter? So, is he married then?' But a glance to his fingers reveals no wedding ring. He laughs at my expression.
"No, don't worry I'm not married." He replies cheekily before his eyes turn slightly sombre. "Not anymore." His mutter is quiet, but I still catch it as he shakes his head and waves. "I'll see you tomorrow!" He calls back as he jogs to his parked green car.
I wait until he slips into the vehicle and drives off before closing my door. 'I guess everyone really does have a sob story.' I think to myself, feeling sympathetic for the man. When I turn around, I almost jump at seeing Aang standing there with his arms crossed and a frown playing on his face.
"What?" I blurt out before I can word my question differently. His eyebrows relax, but the knot around his forehead is still very much present.
"Do you go on lunches with your colleagues often?" He asks simply, but he's being anything but smooth right now. I breathe out through my nostrils as I stride past him.
"If I did, what's it to you?" I retort as my prior softness recedes back into its confines. Aang is taken back by my tone before looking away.
"You're right. Sorry." He mutters, but the shaking hand by his side tells me he's bothered by it. Very much so. I exhale lightly.
"I haven't. Only an odd one or two for case discussion purposes. Not that I haven't been asked a dozen of times." I utter with a shrug of one shoulder. Aang cocks his head to the side.
"And you turned them all down?" The Airbender presses. I snap my eyes to glare at him fiercely.
"That's none of your business!" I snap as I make my way towards the staircase.
"Ok so I'm a little jealous." Aang admits in a mumble. My hand pauses on the banister, but after a moment my fingers dig into the wooden railing.
"You lost that right a long time ago." I mutter as I go up the stairs.
It's a struggle putting one foot forward as my muddled mind doesn't know whether to continue walking or to buckle my knees. I make it to the top of the staircase without tripping and with a deep breath, I lean my forehead against the top of the banister as I close my eyes. 'Two more days. Just two more days till he leaves.' I recite like a mantra until my jagged breathing settles.
A/N: I'm really going all out with the angst here, it's just too much fun not to XD That stuff about Aang being jealous about Zuko was more of a joke about Zutara tbh, I've seen an overwhelming amount of it on social media and thought it would be funny to joke about it in this fic, it doesn't mean anything else I promise! Aang being jealous in general is an interesting concept to me, we saw him jealous a couple of times in the show and it's pretty refreshing to touch on it a bit. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter, see you all next week!
26/8/23