A/N: GUYS I'M BACK! Ok so I took wayyy longer than I thought I would and I apologise profusely for that. It was my final year at uni and I just had to prioritise my studies. I've finished my exams, got my result for one exam and God made a miracle and passed. Rest of results will be later on, but I officially have no more exams, so I'm a free person till I start working in the summer and even that wouldn't be as full on. My hopes is to finally finish this story this year.
I don't know how many of you guys are still around, but I do hope you enjoy this chapter and sorry again for the wait.
Next Morning:
Katara's POV:
'This is not fine.' I think to myself as I try to work out when on earth did I wrap my arms around the Airbender and when did he do the same.
When I woke up, I found my head nestled into his shoulder and his chin resting on the crown of my head. Not to mention the tangle of limbs. I almost jerked back violently, only to hold back on the last second so as to not wake Aang up.
The most I could do was shift my head back, but somehow that was even worse because now I'm just staring at the Airbender's tired face which is bringing up way too many unwanted feelings.
I take a shuddering breath just as Aang exhales softly. 'Oh shoot.' I mentally curse as I try to withdraw my arms from around his back. He shifts and I hold my breath in anticipation. He releases a small snore and I sag in relief. 'I need to move before he wakes up.' I think to myself as I work on easing one arm from under him. His eyes flutter open. 'Double shoot.' I curse, unsure how to act.
I guess I shouldn't have worried because the first thing Aang does is widen his eyes before flying off the bed. In his haste, his legs get tangled in the sheets and he tumbles painfully to the ground. I wince and peer over the edge to see him groaning as he massages his arm.
"Ouch." He mumbles with closed eyes. I sigh and swing my legs off the mattress and reach down to offer my hand.
"Are you alright?" I ask, prompting the man to open his eyes. His face goes bright red and his features contorts with mortification.
"Spirits, I'm so sorry. I don't know how that happened. I didn't mean to." He babbles semi-incoherently and I have to bite back a smile as I hoist him to his feet. 'Some things never change.' I think in amusement as I usher him to sit back on the mattress.
"It happens." I say with a shrug. Aang's jaw drops as he stares at me.
"What do you mean, it happens?" He echoes back in disbelief. I cross my arms.
"We don't have much control on what we do when we sleep. So don't think too much of it." I reply with a wave of my hand. He swallows and glances to the floor.
"Ah. Ok." Aang mumbles in barely concealed hurt. I bite my lip and sit beside him.
"How's your hip?" I ask to change the conversation. He looks up.
"I suppose you were right about the sofa." Aang admits begrudgingly. This time, I do smile.
"I'd like to think so." I say as I stretch my arms above my head without thinking. But when I catch Aang's flickering eyes, I immediately drop my hands down.
"You know, if the scars bother you that much you don't have to look at them." I mutter with a touch of bitterness. Aang's head jerks up in surprise, not expecting me to have caught his eye movements.
"I..." His hands bundle into fists on his knees. "That's not it." He mumbles. I quirk an eyebrow, not believing him.
"Oh?" I echo back. The Airbender opens his mouth, only to close it again.
"I'll...tell you some other time." Aang mutters as he avoids my eye. My lips thin into a straight and displeased line.
"Just another lie." I mutter under my breath. Aang shoots me a wounded look as his hands clench.
"I don't understand you." He utters as he raises one hand to rub his forehead. I narrow my eyes at him.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I demand. The Air Nomad scrunches up his nose and turns his head to the side.
"One moment you act like you care. Then the next moment you don't. It's confusing." Aang explains. My lips part in shock just as the man turns his head to stare at me with sharp eyes. "So, which is it?" He asks solemnly. I suck in a breath and clench my jaw tightly. Without replying, I spin on my heels and walk towards the wardrobe. "You're not even going to tell me?" Aang breathes out in disbelief. I scrunch my nose and turn to face him with one hand on my hip.
"Why should I when you never told me anything?" I retort harshly. Aang's lips part, but no words come out. Instead, he drops his head and stares at his lap.
"It really bothered you that much?" The Airbender queries softly. I stare at him, unsure how to take the question, so I opt to fold my arms over my chest.
"How could it not? We were meant to be close. I thought after all those years together you would trust me, but you didn't and it stung. It was like we were on two different sides. Even now, you still don't understand why it bothers me. How can I not be mad about that?" I express as emotion crawls up my throat.
The Airbender looks up with furrowed eyebrows. I can feel my airways closing in on itself, but I have to say one more thing. "You don't even want to fix it." I say, my voice wobbles and when Aang rises from the mattress in concern, I give him my back. "I'm going to get changed." I mutter as I snatch some random clothing item from the wardrobe and make a beeline towards the toilet. I don't get far when gentle fingers encircle my wrist and pulls me towards him.
"Do you want me to fix it?" Aang asks quietly. His free hand lifts and swipes at something under my eye. A tear. One that I let slip without realising. I flinch at his touch and he withdraws immediately.
When I flicker my gaze up to meet his, I find the Air Nomad watching me with an intensity I didn't know he had. My chest constricts and I don't even know what to say. Pride dictates that I continue to keep away from him, but the ache in my heart is always so much stronger whenever he's so near. I swallow down the lump in my throat and push past the man to create some much-needed distance.
"I don't trust that you ever will." I reply stoically and instead of the disappointment that I had half expected from him, all I see is barely concealed shame which only proves me right. Then why does it feel like a sucker punch to the gut? I spin on my heels and flee to the bathroom, closing it with more force than necessary.
When I exit the bathroom, I find that the Airbender is already dressed and waiting by the door deep in thought. I swallow and slowly make my way over to him. He glances up as I approach before quickly turning to the door to unlock it. The door is only half open when something suddenly flies through. Aang's sharp reflexes grab it before I can even blink and when he lowers his hand, I notice it's a float. With a frown, I glance past the Airbender to see Sokka and Zuko dressed in swimming trunks. My jaw slackens.
"You took us all the way out here to swim?" I echo in disbelief. My brother grins.
"Why not? We used to do it all the time when we came here." Sokka reminds as he chucks a couple of towels in my direction. I catch them, looking unamused.
"I'm not going swimming." I state bluntly. My brother quirks an eyebrow at me.
"You don't have much choice in the matter, even Toph agreed to get into the water and you know how hard that usually is for her." Sokka points out, but it does little to sway my decision.
"Yeah, I think I'm going to pass on swimming too." Aang adds after watching the short exchange. I glance at him suspiciously, but don't say anything. Sokka groans loudly.
"Tough, you're both doing it." Sokka puffs out. I'm just about to argue when Zuko steps in.
"Come on guys, it's just a harmless swim. Besides if you're not up to it, at least come to the beach with us." The Firebender insists. I'm still not convinced and it probably shows on my face because Zuko quickly adds. "Who knows when we'll have time to do something like this altogether again. I'm always so busy with the company and Toph with her police stuff." Zuko reminds and he's clever to avoid mentioning the two people that I'm most mad at. Still, I open my mouth to argue. Only for Sokka to frown.
"Come on, Katara. You've always loved the beach and the sea." My brother urges. I close my mouth and hold the crook of my elbow, bringing it closer to my side. 'Shoot. I've not waterbended in so long, but it would be weird if I just the missed entire thing.' I exhale through my nostrils.
"Fine. It'll just sit and watch." I give in reluctantly which prompts a high five between Sokka and Zuko. 'Jeez, Sokka is chummy with everyone, but me. How ironic. Although that's mostly my fault I suppose.' My fingers dig deeper into the flesh of my arm as that old demon of loneliness rises up through me.
"Aang?" Zuko probes and I almost forgot about the Airbender beside me. Somehow, he looks even more reluctant than I did, especially with the way he chews his lip.
"I don't know." He mumbles as he rubs the back of his neck.
"Come on buddy, you love swimming more than any of us." Sokka presses. Aang's eyes flicker to meet mine, but he quickly averts them when he sees that I'm watching him. He doesn't reply for a long moment before he kicks at the ground.
"I guess it wouldn't hurt." He mutters. My eyebrows furrow at his behaviour. 'What was that about?' I wonder as Sokka fist pumps the air.
"Great! You both get your swimming suits and we'll meet you outside." My brother orders before grabbing Zuko by the shoulder and pushing him around the corner. I wrinkle my nose at his behaviour. 'Spirits. I bet this is another one of his dumb ideas to get Aang and I to patch things up. Just like dumping us in the same room and this whole trip. He's going to be sorely disappointed though.' I grumble internally as I step back into the room and begrudgingly pick up an old swim suit.
When I look over at Aang, I find him staring at the pair of shorts in his hand as if they were poisonous. I frown and I'm just about to make my way over when I think better of it. 'I'm not meant to care. He'll get the wrong idea otherwise.' I chide myself, but doing nothing doesn't sit well with me.
"We better get going." I call out, breaking the Airbender from his self-induced daze.
"O-oh right." He stutters and reaches for the door handle. I stamp on the urge to ask him what's wrong and follow him out. It's silent as we walk side by side down to the beach, but I can tell the Air Nomad's mind is a sharp contrast from the stillness between us. I resist the temptation to sigh and ask.
"What's going on with you?" It was meant to come out as more of a demand, but instead it's more of a gentle nudge. Aang glances up, only now realising that he was lost in his thoughts again. His stormy orbs flicker away to stare ahead of us.
"I... it's nothing." He mutters and I don't know why I expected the answer to be any different from what it's always been. I stay quiet after that, only tensing up when I feel the man's gaze on me. "I...did it again, didn't I?" Aang finally says when the silence becomes too awkward. I flicker my eyes briefly to him and give him a half-hearted shrug.
"I should be used to it by now, shouldn't I?" I throw back as I pick up my pace to walk ahead of the man.
"Monkey feathers." Aang curses behind me, but I don't slow down until I see the others. Sokka wasn't lying, Toph really is in the water, albeit on a huge float.
"Took you guys long enough! Jeez, you're not even changed yet? There's a couple of lockers over there." My brother points out, but from the slight smugness in his face, I can tell he's enjoying bossing us around a little too much. I tighten my grip on my bathing suit before giving the ponytailed man my back and begrudgingly stalk over to the small changing stalls. One of them seems to be occupied. I exhale through my nostrils and look back to find Aang lagging behind me.
"You can go first." I say, already leaning my back against the wall to wait for him to finish. His lips part slightly as he shoots glances between the empty stall and me.
"No, it's alright. I'll wait for you." Aang waves off, but I quirk my eyebrow at him.
"Then we're going to be waiting all day because I'll probably take longer than you." I retort. The Airbender furrows his eyebrows and after a moment of hesitation he enters the stall and closes the door after him.
The other occupied stall opens a few minutes later to reveal a young woman who makes her way to the beach cafe. I'm just about to step in when Aang unlocks his door and steps out.
The glaringly obvious reason of why Aang was so anxious about swimming stares me right in the face as I inhale sharply. I know I've seen the gruesome scar on his chest once before, but it was in the evening and the lighting was fairly dark. In broad daylight, it looks far more raw and angry than it did when I first saw it. I drop my hand that was originally reaching for the stall handle and continue to stare at the man who gets increasingly uncomfortable.
"You're an emergency doctor, don't you see stuff like this all the time?" Aang mutters under his breath as he lifts his top to somewhat hide the scar. But I reach forward and push his hand down to look at it properly. The longer I look at it, the more easily I'm able to analyse it.
"This was pretty recent." I utter numbly as I squint at the jagged mark. Aang shrugs one shoulder.
"Probably a couple of years ago now." The Airbender answers vaguely. I furrow my eyebrows, something about it looks familiar. As if I've seen this before somewhere. I gag when it hits me.
"Spirits. This is from lightning." I voice, sounding both shocked and appalled. Aang blinks, taken back by my deduction.
"Wow... that's a surprisingly good guess." Aang breathes out in disbelief. I ignore the jab as my frown deepens.
"How on earth did you get hit by lightning?" I ask, still shocked.
"How on earth did you even know this was by lightning?" Aang throws back, sounding equally as shocked as I am, but for very different reasons. I lean back slightly and cross my arms over my chest.
"I once saw a patient that was working on electrical generators on a stormy day. He had the exact same pattern of burn, but he died in the hospital." I recall as my fingers dig into my bicep. "So, how on earth are you standing completely fine? Unless you had immediate care on hand that should've killed you." I utter tightly. Aang parts his lips and glimpses to the side.
"There was...a healer nearby who fixed me up." Aang answers haltingly without meeting my eyes. I narrow my eyes at him.
"That must be one talented healer to pull off such a feat." I note as something tugs at a far-off memory in my mind. Aang finally raises his eyes to meet mine.
"Very much so." He breathes out and I have the inclination that his words let on more than I think they do. I turn my head away from him.
"Well, good. You still haven't answered my first question though." I point out as something akin to guilt and jealousy spikes inside me at not being the one to save the man. 'Maybe saving him would've eased my guilt over bloodbending the man. Maybe it would've encouraged me to use waterbending again. Then again, maybe not.'
"Nothing major. Tried to stop someone stealing some Ancient Earth Kingdom relics during an international peace conference and I got shot with lightning for the trouble." Aang explains with an awkward laugh. I don't know why because this is anything but funny.
I drop my arms to my sides as a bout of fear wells up within me. 'How many times has his life been put on the line? How many times has he almost...died and I knew nothing about it? How many times has he gone to bed with blood and bruises and I wasn't there to heal them?' It really shouldn't bother me. But it does. 'Maybe because I don't remember his Avatar duties ever being this dangerous. Perhaps, since he was still young, he was kept away from the more dangerous jobs?'
"Katara?" Aang calls out while snapping his fingers in front of my face, breaking me out of my raging thoughts. I shake my head.
"Hmm?" I hum back, still semi-lost in thought.
"You spaced out." The Airbender points out with furrowed eyebrows.
"You should be more careful." Is all I say as I reach for the stall door. Aang stares at me in disbelief.
"That's it?" He echoes back in disbelief. I can feel the muscles on my back stiffening especially when there's still so much I want to say. But that wall around my heart is still there and I don't want to open up only for him to disappear again. I release a quiet breath and turn back to face him.
"What do you want me to say Aang?" I ask tiredly. He opens his mouth, only to close it again.
"Nothing." Aang mutters as he gives me his back. I bite my lip and watch him go to join the others.
I stare down at the bathing suit in my hand and then flicker my gaze to the sea. The call of the water is strong, as is the urge to maintain the distance with Aang. I sling the suit over my shoulder and step away from the changing stall, opting to make a beeline to the cafe instead. Ditching everyone is probably just asking for trouble, but being near Aang and the water is just a little too much for me to handle.
"Katara!" I stiffen up at Sokka's holler and with a loud sigh turn to look where his shout was coming from. A look of disapproval is etched into his features from his position a few feet away. I growl at him.
"Were you spying on us?" I demand angrily. My brother shrugs, showing no signs of remorse.
"It's a good thing I was. You were just about to ditch us." Sokka retorts loudly which earns the attention of the others.
"I was going to the beach cafe." I grit back as my brother crosses the distance between us.
"That's just an excuse to be alone. I know you've been enjoying your life by yourself, but would it really kill you to go outside of your bubble sometimes?" Sokka argues. His words strike at a delicate cord inside me as I clench my hands.
"That's rich coming from you. You're so focused on putting us back in the bubble." I throw back. My brother stares at me in confusion.
"What the heck does that mean?" The older man bites back. I point an accusing finger at him.
"You're so keen to fix what happened between Aang and I instead of just leaving it to rest!" I clarify in frustration. Sokka crosses his arms and gazes down at me stubbornly.
"And how is that a bad thing?" He questions heatedly and I throw my hands up in the air.
"Because what happened between us is none of your business! Not to mention, it's never going to be fixed. Just accept that we aren't together anymore and we never will be! We're basically strangers to each other now." I shout. A sharp intake of breath is what interrupts my tirade. My eyes snap to the side to find the Airbender cringing. 'Oh shoot. I forgot he was still there.' My lips part, but Aang doesn't give me the chance to say anything.
"Well, that was awkward." He jokes uneasily while rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm, er... going back to the hotel." He mumbles as his prior fake up-beat tone fades into a quiet whisper. A wodge of guilt hits me hard. I'm just about to open my mouth when I hear shouting.
"Help! A Doctor! Anyone, please!" My eyes snap to my right where an older woman is running towards us. Her eyes are frantic. I quickly intercept her.
"What's going on?" I ask as the woman catches her breath.
"My husband is bleeding. He got stabbed a-and I don't know what to do! I need a doctor!" She cries out as tears stream down her face.
"I'm a doctor. Where is he?" I ask quickly. Her eyes brighten ever so slightly with hope as she starts running back to where she presumably left her husband. I don't think of much else as I sprint after her. Adrenaline is pumping through my veins in fearful anticipation that I barely notice several other pairs of feet running after me. I skid to a halt when the woman drops to her knees by a man surrounded in a small puddle of blood. 'Oh shoot.' I curse as I drop to my knees at his other side, looking for a source of the bleeding. His white shirt stains with bright red.
"Where was he stabbed?" I ask as I start peeling his shirt up. I needn't ask. The slash over his abdomen is clear as day. "I need someone to call an ambulance immediately!" I holler before the woman can reply to my first question. I apply pressure to the wound.
"On it!" Zuko replies and runs off somewhere. My eyes snap to the nearest person to me which just happens to be the Airbender who's just staring in shock.
"Aang I need y..." I trail off when I remember the boy's phobia of blood and quickly turn my gaze to Sokka instead. "Sokka, press on the wound tightly while I make a tourniquet." I bark and my brother drops beside me and does as instructed, only cringing slightly when some blood spurts onto his face.
I start ripping my sleeves and grab my discarded bathing suit to wrap tightly around the man's abdomen. Something drops at the corner of my eyes and when I flicker my eyes, I find Aang heaving on the ground. 'Oh gosh.' I curse under my breath and continue to wrap another sheet of fabric around the wound which quickly stains red. "Sokka keep your hands there." I order as Toph comes to kneel beside me.
"Not sure how useful this First Aid kit is." The Earthbender mumbles as she clicks it open. I glance at it briefly and spot tranxemic acid. 'Yes!' I pick up the vial and insert it into the needle before injecting the man with it. His breathing however becomes shallower and I bite my lip. 'This is where I should either using my healing or waterbending.' But my hand trembles at the thought of either.
"Katara, he needs you to use your bending to heal him!" My brother shouts as he becomes increasingly distressed. Bile rises up in my throat as I rest my shaky hand on his abdomen. 'Just a little bit.' I tell myself. I breathe in deeply before exhaling. My hand glows brightly and I watch as the bleeding slows to a stop just as the blaring sirens of an ambulance can be seen. A couple of paramedics jump down from the vehicle and start moving the patient onto a stretcher while checking his vitals. I step back as nausea washes over me.
"Katara?" Sokka probes worriedly as he steps towards me, but I wave him off.
"Go and talk to the paramedics. They'll need to know that he had one dose of tranexamic acid." I urge, he opens his mouth to protest, but Toph elbows him in the ribs.
"Just do as she says." The Earthbender orders as she goes over to check on the pale-looking Airbender.
"Thank you, thank you!" The woman gushes in gratitude as she rushes to enter the ambulance after her husband. I nod my head numbly and grab my still trembling hands. 'Spirits. I've seen much worse. I shouldn't be this shaken up.'
"Sugarqueen?" Toph echoes. I look up as the woman rests a hand on my back. "You're shaken up for someone whose job is all about blood." Toph comments with an obvious frown.
"Usually there's transfusion packs and the patient is whisked off to surgery." I mutter as I watch Aang finally rising to his feet. He's looking at anything, but the pool of blood. Zuko is still talking to the paramedics, but Sokka returns to my side a few beats later and shoots me a strange look.
"What was all that about? You could've healed him right from the start." My brother asks outright. I squeeze my fingers, unable to give him an answer. Sokka frowns and hesitantly rests a hand on my shoulder. "Hey, are you ok?" He murmurs in a show of brotherly concern for the first time in a while. I nod my head statically.
"I'm tired is all. I think I might take a nap." I mumble as I excuse myself from them. Sokka nudges Toph and they share a look, but I ignore them and start making my way back to the hotel. A glance at the greying sky makes me pick up my pace, especially when a drop of water lands on my nose. Rain. There was a time when I'd bend a makeshift umbrella with the rain. Now, I let the drizzle run down my clothes.
"Take Aang with you, he's looking quite under the weather too." Sokka calls back. I pause briefly to show that I've heard him before continuing forward. It's a few minutes before I notice soft footsteps treading behind me, but I don't slow down and the Airbender doesn't speed up.
When we reach the hotel room, I expected myself to face plant onto the mattress, but instead, I sit numbly on the sofa. It's only then that I notice Aang's still very pale face. I furrow my eyebrows.
"Hey, are you ok?" I ask, half rising from my seated position when the Airbender trips up in his daze.
"Yeah. I just hate how useless I become around blood." Aang mutters as he runs a hand over his scalp. I frown and rise to my feet.
"You aren't useless." I protest strongly which elicits a snort from the younger man.
"I was vomiting up my breakfast and close to passing out while you took control like a pro and saved that man's life." Aang points out bluntly. "Which was amazing to watch by the way." Aang adds with averted eyes. I blink at the unexpected compliment.
"Oh, you know. It's just part of my job." I wave off breezily, sounding a lot more confident than I had actually felt. Aang's gaze snaps back to me.
"It was still impressive, but..." He trails off in thought. I raise an eyebrow at him.
"But what?" I prompt and immediately wish I hadn't.
"But you could've just healed him with your bending instead of making a tourniquet and applying pressure. But...you didn't." Aang notes as his forehead creases with a frown. My heart drops and I don't even know how to answer him, so I turn my head away, but I can still feel his gaze on me. "Come to think of it, I haven't seen you use bending at all since I've come back." Aang continues as he starts crossing the distance between us. I clench my hands.
"We've barely spent any time together since you arrived." I quip as I take a step back from the man, but he continues walking towards me.
"Waterbending is in everything you do. It's like an extension of yourself. I don't have to be with you for long to see you use it." The Airbender voices steadily, refuting my argument with ease. I keep walking backwards until I hit the wall, but the Avatar doesn't stop in his tracks.
"I don't use it for everything." I protest weakly. Aang finally stops moving, but he's left close to no space between us. My heart rate spikes when he reaches forward to rest his hand on the wall by my head, trapping me between him and the wall. Aang scrutinises me and leans forward to scan my face. I feel my breathing hitch at his proximity.
"We both know that's not true." The Air Nomad voices smoothly. His breath tickles my nose as a lump rises up my gullet.
"You're too close." I whisper tightly, but for the first time since he came back, the Airbender doesn't heed my words. If anything, he outright ignores it as he rests his free hand on the wall by the other side of my head which completely blocks me from slipping away.
"For someone that hates me, you look awfully flushed at being this close to me." The Air Nomad states with a quirked eyebrow. This new-found confidence takes me off guard, but I've always had a knack of talking, even in unexpected moments like this.
"Don't flatter yourself." I grit back. The corner of Aang's lips twitch upwards.
"Your heart rate says otherwise." The Air Nomad points out smugly. The urge to curse Toph for teaching Aang seismic sense is strong, but I opt to glare at the taller man instead.
"I'd back off, if I were you." I warn firmly as Aang's face takes on a sombre expression.
"So, you really have reduced us down to just strangers huh?" The Airbender comments mildly, but there's something in his face that screams hurt.
"Isn't that what you call people who haven't seen each other in half a decade?" I retort as the Air Nomad lifts his head.
"If we were just strangers, I wouldn't be able to tell that you're lying to me about your bending." Aang voices dryly. I freeze for a moment, before biting the inside of my cheek.
"I haven't told you anything to lie about." I mutter. Aang's eyes narrow as he stares intently at me. The attention has my skin break out in goosebumps.
"I said you're too close." I hiss as I finally reach forward and push him in the chest. He barely moves, but he does drop one hand to massage his ribs.
"Ouch." He mutters and I cringe when I remember his ribs are still fractured from that car accident. Aang's grey orbs flicker up to meet my guilty oceanic ones. He swallows and drops his other hand, freeing me from his imposed cage, but I find that I can't move. A lump at his throat bobs up and down before he turns to give me his back.
"Sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. Spirits, I don't even know why I'm trying in the first place. I'm leaving tomorrow anyway." Aang mumbles as he runs a hand over his head.
My lips part. 'He's right. He is leaving tomorrow. I forgot all about that.' I realise as my heart throbs at the thought. I'm just about to open my mouth when the Airbender turns to look at me side-ways.
"Katara, did...did you stop bending?" Aang finally asks. I can't control the sharp inhale that escapes me. Aang releases a curse. "Spirits." He utters as he turns to look at me fully once more. "Why? Why would you stop bending? When did you stop?" My former husband questions with wide eyes. I wrinkle my nose and try to brush past him.
"You're jumping to conclusions." I mutter just as the Airbender side steps in front of me.
"Then tell me, when was the last time you used your bending before today?" Aang questions as he crosses his arms over his chest in expectation.
My mind automatically flashes to the last time I used my bending. It was a year ago in a dark, dingy alleyway. Some hooded guy in a mask had caught my eye as he stumbled onto his knees, clutching his chest. There was no one else around and the hospital was too far away for him to make it. I had healed him on the spot because he would've died if I hadn't. He jumped to his feet and disappeared under the ground as soon as I healed him.
I tried not to think too much of it, but he was the first person I had used my bending on since my fight with Aang and until today he was also the last person I had used it on.
"I'm sorry, but do you keep a catalogue of every time you airbend?" I fire back, but the air nomad doesn't budge.
"I used it on the beach to keep myself warm." Aang regales smoothly. My jaws slacken. 'Jeez.' I wrinkle my nose and try to move around him again, but the Airbender returns his hands on the wall, boxing me in once more. I briefly close my eyes before staring the man in the face.
"Get off my back Aang." I utter irritably as I duck under one of his arms, but his lightning-fast reflexes results in him quickly grabbing my wrist.
"Why won't you tell me?" He demands as I snatch my hand back.
"Because I haven't used it since we fought!" I shout. A clap of thunder can be heard from outside as the rain pours more heavily in the silence. Aang's jaw drops as he subconsciously leans back which finally gives me space to move away from him and the wall. His grey orbs fixate on the floor for a long moment.
"You... haven't waterbended since...that day?" He echoes back numbly as he finally lifts his head up to lock eyes with me. I cross my arms, angry at myself for letting it slip. I don't reply. "Are you sure?" He presses, not quite believing me. I wrinkle my nose at him.
"I'm pretty sure I'd remember when I last waterbended." I mutter, but when Aang bites his lip harder than I expected him to, I open my mouth. "Save for one exception, I haven't used my bending since then." I mumble as I hug my arm close to my side. When Aang sucks in his teeth I spot a dot of blood on his lip from where he bit it.
"But...why?" The Airbender asks, his eyes still wide with shock. I turn to give him my side.
"It doesn't matter." I utter stiffly. Aang's eyes dart from side to side, almost frantically in thought before they suddenly freeze.
"Shoot. Was it...did you..." He stumbles, unable to phrase his words. Without another sound he drops to his knees heavily. I widen my eyes and step anxiously towards him.
"Are you..." I stop myself. The incomplete sentence of asking about his welfare hangs off my tongue as I watch him fist the carpet in his hands.
"It's the bloodbending, isn't it? You always used to tell me how much you hated using it. That day we fought, you used it on me..." He pauses as his mind races and I know it won't be long till he figures it out. He was always smart like that.
Unfortunately, him knowing comes with its own problems. 'For example, how will I back up my claim that I don't care?' I bite the inside of my cheek when Aang looks up from the floor.
"You were guilty." He whispers. I cringe and clutch my elbow tightly. I don't say anything, but I didn't need to. The expression on my face is confirmation enough. Aang sucks in his breath as he hides his eyes with a hand. "Oh no." He croaks. "All this time I was angry at you about it and here you were punishing yourself over it." Aang's voice cracks as he presses his fingers into his temples. I take a few cautious steps towards him before dropping to one knee in front of him.
"You had every right to be mad at me. What I did...it was unforgivable." I admit quietly as my stomach twists at the memory.
"You were just mad." Aang protests weakly. I knit my eyebrows tightly together.
"Being mad isn't an excuse to do what I did. You should've reported me. I don't know why you didn't." I utter with a sigh. Aang's lips part as he stares at me.
"And get you struck off the medical register? I would never have done that. Heck, I didn't even think about it. I know how much being a doctor means to you." The Airbender insists vehemently.
The knot in my abdomen comes undone as my heart flips. This is why I fell in love with the man. His care was indisputable and unmatched. Even when he's hurting, he wouldn't bring other people down with him. His love was undeniable. It's why it had hurt so much when he disappeared. It felt like a stab to the heart. A betrayal of all that love we once shared. I release a quiet, shaky breath.
"I abused my ability to hurt you. I deserved to be struck off." I finally reply. Aang's eyebrows shoot up to the tip of the arrow as he drops his hands to his knees and clenches them tightly.
"Don't say that. You wouldn't have done all of that if I were just honest with you." Aang mumbles as he digs his fingernails into his knee. I watch the man for a moment before sighing and reach out to pull his hands away.
"Then why weren't you?" I query softly. Aang flickers his eyes away. I lift one hand to cup his cheek and gently nudge him until he locks eyes with me again. I hear his breathing hitch, but I try not to let it affect my focus. "Aang, why?" I repeat. His lips wobble at hearing me voice his name.
"Maybe I was scared that involving you too much would get you in trouble. Maybe Roku's words would play on a loop in my mind whenever I had a close call that I didn't tell you about. Maybe...Yon Rha's threat was enough to make me detach completely." Aang confesses. I stare at him as I feel my hand slipping from his cheek.
"Yon Rha...was threatening you before the car accident?" I echo back. The Airbender chews his lip which re-opens the small scab that had started to form after he bit his lip earlier.
"It...wasn't long after we got married. I brushed it off at first because I knew you could take care of yourself, but..." He trails off. I furrow my eyebrows and reach out to tilt his chin up. Aang sucks in his teeth when my thumb moves to brush over his lips, wiping the small dribble of blood there.
"But what?" I prompt gently. I can feel the Air Nomad trembling beneath my hand, but I don't move.
"He showed up at our house one night. Y-You were asleep and he had a gun aimed at your head. I managed to get him away, but it terrified me." Aang whispers. My jaws slacken as my mind races as I try to think of when on earth did that happen. And then it hits me. It was probably a week after we got married.
"That night I woke up to the wind smacking open the windows...that was..." I trail off when Aang nods his head slowly. "I thought it was just the blizzard from outside." I say numbly. Aang shakes his head.
"I got so spooked that I made something up on the spot and then it kind of snowballed from there." Aang mumbles as he rubs the back of his neck. My lips part at the admission.
"You mean, after that you started to withdraw?" I clarify which elicits a nod from the Airbender.
"I guess when we started arguing, I was really looking for any reason to leave, so when we had that big fight it was..." Aang comments.
"...the reason you needed." I finish for him as I sit back on my heels in stunned silence.
"I'm sorry." He murmurs. I shake my head.
"That still doesn't explain why you didn't tell me my dad was your guardian." I finally say when I've found my voice. The Air Nomad drops his gaze to his lap.
"At first I thought it was best you didn't know because any knowledge about me could be dangerous, especially with some of the gang members still on the loose. But as time went on I found it hard to bring it up. And I guess I had the same line of thought that you did about it being weird to be married to my guardian's daughter." Aang mumbles as he picks at his trouser. I chew my lip as I run my fingers through my hair.
"I didn't find it weird. Well, maybe at first I did." I admit with an awkward laugh. "But remember when you asked would I have married you if I found out earlier and I shook my head? I wasn't shaking my head to say no, I was shaking my head to try and wrap my head around everything, but you thought otherwise and ran off before I could say anything..." I trail off with a half-hearted shrug just as my former husband inhales sharply.
"Oh jeez." He curses as he massages his forehead, but I give him another shrug.
"I suppose you were looking for a reason to leave anyway, so what does a little misunderstanding matter huh?" I mumble as I move my hand to rest it over my knee.
"I..." Aang starts, only to leave his sentence hanging. I shake my head.
"It doesn't matter. It happened and we can't change that." I say nonchalantly as I get ready to push myself onto my feet, but the Airbender snaps his hand out to grasp my wrist. I look at him in surprise and return my knee to the ground. "What is it?" I question with furrowed eyebrows. I watch him physically gulp before he speaks.
"Are things really done between us?" Aang asks, his voice is so quiet and vulnerable. I feel my chest squeezing and suffocating me as I gaze into his stormy orbs.
"Didn't you want it to be?" I throw back as I recall the way the Airbender was all but ready to flee out of the house the night he got the rest of his memories back. His grip around my wrist loosens at my response.
"I..." He struggles to say whatever it is on the tip of his tongue and in the end he changes his mind on whatever he was going to say. "I just need Yon Rha out of the way." Is the thing he settles on saying. I don't know why I expected any differently, but at least it reminds me that nothing will change soon.
"Well, he's not going away any time soon, so I guess...we are done." I mutter as I slip my hand from his. I watch as his arm flops to his side as he closes his eyes.
"I know you still care." Aang utters quietly as he re-opens his eyes. "You wouldn't have stopped waterbending if you didn't." He continues as he stares at me intently. 'Oh shoot.' I silently curse.
"You should know by now how strong my moral compass is. Bloodbending is wrong and I used it on someone I..I was supposed to love." I deflect as I turn my head away from him. A beat of silence.
"So, is it more about you feeling bad that you broke your moral code or who you broke it on?" Aang asks as his features scrunch up in thought. My eyelid twitches at his sneaky question.
"Nice try." I reply blandly which prompts a sigh from the man.
"Is it that hard for you to say that you lo...care about me?" Aang catches himself, but he said enough of the word for me to know that he meant 'love' instead of 'care'. I can feel my body seizing up before I purposely shuffle back a little.
"It's as hard as it is for you to tell the truth." I retort without much thought.
"Katara, this isn't funny." Aang mumbles and I shoot him a glare.
"I'm not joking Aang. You can't expect for me to fall head over heels for you when you disappeared without a word for years and kept important things from me. Even now, you keep me at arm's length. I don't understand why you're so upset about it when this is exactly what you want!" I rant as I throw my hands up in the air as frustration steadily creeps in. My former husband curls his fingers into fists and hits his thighs with them.
"Because I don't want you to hate me!" He shouts with tightly screwed up eyes. "I...I still love you." He chokes out. My lips part as a small amount of tension seeps out of me. My shoulders sag at his confession.
It was a confession that I had a hunch about since he reappeared into my life. There have been two or three times now when he wanted to say something, but held back and I had suspected it was something to do with this. Yet, I didn't think he'd actually say it and I certainly didn't think it would uncoil the spring in my chest as effectively as it did. The dumb lump in my throat stops me from saying anything for several moments. I don't say anything for so long that Aang chances a glance at me. His hand moving in mid-air is what snaps me out of my funk as I catch his wrist before it can make contact with my face.
"Don't." I warn seriously and his whole body deflates. "Don't start something you aren't willing to finish." I say when I finally find my voice. "You said you can't do anything till Yon Rha is out of the way, so don't try and toy on a rope you aren't going to cross." I voice firmly. I feel Aang's muscles contract as he clenches his hand before it relaxes in my grip.
"You're right. I apologise." The Airbender mumbles and I finally release my hold around his wrist. It flops to the floor beside him. I glance away.
"I'm glad that's settled." I mutter, but even after finding out the truth, it does nothing to satiate the unquenchable sadness in my heart.
"Can I ask you something else?" Aang queries quietly. I bite the inside of my cheek, knowing that whatever he asks will likely be something I can't or won't answer.
"I suppose." I allow cautiously. I watch as the Airbender opens his mouth, but no words come forth and instead he shakes his head.
"Forget about it. It's not going to add anything anyway." Aang utters as he looks away from me. I'm just about to press him, but decide against it at the last moment. 'Best not to ignite a possible flame.' I decide as I rest a palm against the carpet.
"I should..." I start, but stop when the airbender returns his gaze to me.
"You...don't feel the same anymore, do you?" Aang's quiet question has my whole body going numb. 'Why did I have to be right?' I silently groan.
"I don't think that's a fair question for you to ask." I retort sharply, but the Air Nomad's steady gaze never wavers.
"I just need a yes or no." Aang urges, almost desperately. It makes me so angry that I'm just about to lash out, but something in his voice makes me pause. That desperation tugs at me, almost gnawing at my insides and I can't figure out why.
Then it hits me. I might just be the only and first person that had deeply loved the boy after his parents, Gyatso and Roku died. 'Sokka has always cared about Aang, but never in quite the same way as I did. And under Kuzon's restraining order, he's not allowed to see Aang. And while my father obviously cares about the Airbender, it certainly isn't in the same way as he does for my brother and I.' I swallow. 'To say yes would make myself vulnerable in a way that I never want to be in again, but to say no would shatter an already broken man.' I lift my eyes to scrutinize the young Avatar who after a while, can't seem to hold my gaze as his stormy eyes dart elsewhere.
"I'm not answering that question." I finally settle on saying. A lump bobs up and down his throat as he shifts up onto his heels.
"I'll take that as a no." He whispers quietly as he starts pushing himself off his knees. His sleeve rises up slightly and I catch sight of the little white lines around his wrist. Lines that I spent years memorising and if I were to take a proper look, I could instantly tell anyone if he had added more or not over the 5 years that we've been apart, but inquiring about them would mean I care and I don't want to give him that idea. Instead, I follow his movements and rise to my feet.
"Take it as you wish, but I didn't give you a yes or no." I reply as I clasp my hands in front of me. He flickers his eyes up to me before he quickly averts them, but it was enough for me to spot the collection of moisture under his eyelids.
"No answer is an answer in itself." He mumbles as he backs away. "I'm going to get some fresh air." Aang adds as he moves towards the door.
"Aang..." I start as I reach out towards his sleeve, but he's just out of my reach and slips out of the door before I can say anything else.
I stare at the closing door, not sure what to feel exactly. While this may have been the longest conversation we've had since he came back, it still feels like nothing has been resolved. His inability to change and my inability to accept this part of him has us constantly at odds with each other. And at this point I don't feel that I have any more tears left to shed about it all.
I cross the room to open the desk drawer to find some of the papers I had taken with me consisting of Zuko's current and ex-employees. With a sigh, I take a seat and start leafing through them one by one in the hopes of finding another user of blue fire.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed this longer chapter and please give me your thoughts so I know you guys are still out there. Thank you all for sticking with me. Take care! I'm aiming for weekly updates from now on, maybe even more regular if there's enough attention for it. Enjoy the rest of the week guys and until next time!
10/2/24