A/N: These weekly updates really aint happening huh? I had to preference my jobs which took forever to do, so that should be the last thing. We hope XD Wanted to say I always appreciate your words of support, they really light up my day, so thank you.
Anyway, this chapter is super long to make up for it! Ngl I really wanted to cut it up at some point, because it's a bit too long, but I couldn't decide where, so you're getting this big chunk instead, sorry XD
Ok heads up, this chapter is ANGSTY, like more so than usual and it touches on a deep topic, so mentally prepare yourselves. Having said that, hope you enjoy!
Aang's POV:
Seeing her walk away should make me happy. Relieved even. But all I'm left with is a crippling sense of emptiness. A dark hole so vast that it feels like I'll slip through at any moment.
'It's for the best.' I tell myself, but it does nothing to soothe my fraying nerves. 'We've been apart for so long already. This shouldn't hurt this much.' I complain as I press the base of my palms into my eyes until I see stars.
I take a deep breath and then another, but each time it comes out as a shuddering gasp for air. 'I'm doing this for her. She can't protect herself against all of Yon Rha's schemes. He blew up an entire hotel, why can't she accept that? Why can't I?' A pathetic snivel escapes me as her sharp words cruelly taunt me.
"Spirits, I was wrong to love you."
"I'm done chasing after you."
"Don't touch me. Don't ever touch me."
My heart aches so much that I have to grasp at my chest. 'I wasn't entirely cordial myself, but how else was I going to get the message across? She just wasn't listening to me, but...'
I pull my hands off my face to glance at the crumpled papers beside me. 'I didn't think she'd sign them so easily like that. If I put my signature then it's official. We really are over. Or maybe we were over the day I ran out on her.' With trembling hands, I pick up the papers and stare at Katara's signature. My wife. Or more like my ex-wife. 'Oh jeez, I'm going to be sick.' I silently voice as I screw my eyes shut. 'I didn't think it would be this hard.' I realise as I pick up the pen Katara left on the ground.
Katara. Her delicate laugh. Her endearing smiles. Her kind eyes. Her limitless compassion. Her warm hugs. Her proximity that gets my heart racing. When she cornered me earlier, it caused all sorts of feelings to rise up in me. Love. Yearning. Contentment. Security. 'Were those the same feelings she felt when I did the same last night before the hotel collapsed? Or did I lose the luxury to induce those feelings in her when I broke her heart?'
A small whine escapes me. 'I love her. I still love her and need her. But that would be so darn selfish of me. Hakoda wanted this for her and I agree with him. I'm too dangerous for her. For all of them.' My eyes flicker up to Sokka's still form. 'Even when he sleeps, he was never that still.' That lump in my stomach begins to grow as I continue to watch him.
"Sokka, I'm sorry. This wouldn't have happened to you if I hadn't come back into her life. You've got to wake up. She needs you." I beg as big bulgy tears run down my cheeks. But the man doesn't stir. Not that I expected him to, but a small part of me had hoped he could hear me. 'It's not like he's brain dead.' I say to myself, but it does little to relieve the guilt that gnaws at me. 'I might not have physically set off the bomb, but I might as well have been the trigger.'
I push myself up to my feet and stare down at the man. My brother-in-law. Or rather my former brother-in-law now. 'He took my side when no one else would. And he was the only person I met up regularly with.' I inhale deeply as my thoughts continue to swirl with memories of the past.
'After I turned 18, there was no need to regularly see Hakoda and our interactions dwindled down to a simple phone call whenever. Because even though I was technically his son-in-law, I think he lost a lot of respect for me after running away. It didn't matter he understood why I was doing it. I hurt his little girl and it's hard to forgive something like that. It's partly why I proposed the divorce suggestion to begin with. Maybe it would put his mind at ease and based on our earlier conversation it seems that it has…
...
"Aang, it's not like I don't care about you. You know I do. But with what's happening with Sokka and you returning to the city, for however briefly, I don't think I can take it if anything happened to Katara too. Please, put an end to this cycle. I don't want to be left with no family." Hakoda had said on our way to the hospital.
...
'It had stung. Hurt even. To be reminded that I'm second to all of them, that marrying into the family wasn't enough to truly be part of the family. But I had expected it. Outside of Katara, Sokka was the only one who saw me as if I was his actual brother. He supported all my crazy ideas and nonsense. He never gave up on me. I've lost Katara and it looks like I might've lost him too.' My eyes blur with tears.
"Why does everyone I love have to get hurt?" I choke out as more repressed memories tumble to the forefront of my mind. 'Iroh, my therapist, did an amazing job at helping me get over my fears of survivor's guilt, but the pain never quite went away. I found myself repressing it more and more to the point I convinced myself I was fine. Only after stopping the sessions did I realise I was not fine. I was far from fine. But by that point I had lost my only anchor who pushed me to better myself. Katara. And now I've lost her forever.' I rub my watery eyes against my sleeve.
When I pull my arm away, I find myself stretching a limp hand towards Sokka's, but I hesitate and withdraw the appendage. 'If I can just find the next Avatar, then there will be no use for me anymore. But...' My knees shake. '...if it took Roku over 50 years to find me, then how long will it take me to find them? 5 years' worth of fruitless searching so I could selfishly dump my responsibilities onto them led to nothing. For all I know, they might not even be born yet.'
A bitter sense of hopelessness floods me. It's so strong that I gasp just to try and breathe again. 'I've had bouts of hopelessness before, but never this bad. Maybe it's because I always had someone to rely on. If it wasn't Gyatso, it was Roku, if it wasn't him, it was Katara and then Sokka and now...no one.' My chest tightens, as if my lungs are somehow trapped in its ribcage.
I gasp again, but the sound that exits is barely a whisper. 'I can't breathe.' I realise with wide eyes. 'Oh spirits.' I curse as I drop to one knee. 'Why now of all places?' I wheeze as crippling anxiety from the panic attack seizes me.
"You're still here Twinkl...oh spirits." Toph curses as she skids over to me. "Are you having one of those things that Katara used to mention?" The earthbender queries as she lifts her hands, unsure what to do with them before patting my arm awkwardly.
"I-I'm...f-fine." I rasp as my lungs feel like they're being squeezed more tightly.
"Oh shoot. I should get Katara." Toph mutters as she starts to move away from me, but my anxiety spikes at the mention of the waterbender and I snap my hand to grasp her wrist.
"N-no!" I plead just as dark dots dance across my vision. I hear Toph release another curse before she slings an arm around my shoulders.
"Come on now, you're ok. I... I'll beat up anyone who gets an inch of you and Sokka." Toph tries to joke. It was a lame joke, but it helps a little and the tightness eases slightly.
"T-Thanks Toph." I mumble. My body starts to relax, save for the trembling of my lips. "I keep screwing up" I voice thickly. I hear the woman sigh as she rests my head against her shoulder.
"Something happened with Sweetness, I'm taking it?" The earthbender queries and I cringe.
"We're divorcing." I reply haltingly. Toph doesn't reply for a long minute and I start to wonder if I've shocked the speech right out of her.
"Jeez, your need to protect her is getting really old Airhead." Toph mumbles, but it lacks the usual sarcasm. "It sucks because you two were really made for each other." She continues, surprising me with her comment.
"If we were, we wouldn't be d-divorcing." I reply dryly, stumbling over the 'd' word. The earthbender snorts.
"You're the one waving official documents in her face." Toph retorts. My lips part in surprise.
"How did you know it was me?" I question with wide eyes, prompting another snort from the woman.
"Because you're the only one dumb enough to bring divorce papers to a holiday. For all your smarts, I do think Sugarqueen is the one with the logic between the two of you. But hey, even her use of reasoning can disappear when it comes to you." Toph concludes with a nod of her head before looking down at me. "You good for me to let go or are you going to have another meltdown?" My earthbending sifu queries, but the slightly furrowing around her forehead takes the punch out of her words. I pull back in embarrassment and rub the back of my head.
"Sorry, I didn't mean for you to see me like that." I mumble shamefully. Toph shrugs.
"Don't mention it. I expected it to come with the package of being friends with a severely traumatised boy." The black head replies offhandedly, making me stutter.
"H-Hey!" I fumble in protest until I see the grin on her face. "I hate when you tease me like that." I mumble as I duck my head away from her.
"Comes with the territory." Toph throws back with a smirk as she dusts her clothes down. "Now, are you really happy that you're going to lose her forever like this?" She asks as her features harden. I bite the inside of my cheek.
"It's not about whether I'm happy. It's about doing what's right." I mutter, prompting an eye roll from the earthbender.
"Let me re-phrase that then. Are you going to regret this?" Toph fires back instead. I open my mouth, only to close it a second later. The woman nods her head. "In that case, think carefully before you sign those papers. Has Katara already done it?" At Toph's question, I swallow.
"Yeah." I whisper which elicits a nod from her.
"In that case, think very carefully. I have no doubt that she signed them in a fit of rage and wasn't actually thinking logically when she grabbed that pen. If you act all impulsively, then there won't be any turning back." The earthbender states wisely as she pushes herself to her feet.
I watch as she starts to make her way back to the exit before pausing.
"It might be years, but I don't think you've ever really let go of all your trauma. For all that therapy you had, it seems like you just fooled yourself into thinking that you were better when weren't. If you want things to work out, you need to stop being afraid and just let go." Toph advises before disappearing through the exit and leaving me stunned.
I bite my lip as I reach under my shirt to pull out a small locket. After a moment of hesitation, I click it open to reveal a picture of my parents on the left side and Gyatso on the right. I flick through to the next set of photos. Roku is on the left and Katara on the right. All people I lost in some shape or form.
I sigh deeply. 'I got it after a year of therapy. I thought it was a way of moving on while keeping them close, but maybe this was just me unable to let go of the past. I added Katara's photo because I always wanted to be able to see her face wherever I was, but after leaving it felt fitting to leave her picture in the locket because while she may be alive, what we had was very much dead and gone.'
I hang my head as I enclose my fingers around the small piece of jewellery. 'Toph's right. She saw right through me. I never moved on. I pretended I did so everyone would stop worrying and it became so natural that I forgot I was pretending. I fooled myself just as much as I fooled everyone else. I'm pathetic.' I release a small choking sound as I bury my face into my arm.
After a few moments of inhaling and exhaling, my ragged breathing slows to a steady pattern and I pull my arm away from my face. I look down at the divorce papers that are slightly crumpled at my feet and reach down to pick it up. 'Will I regret this? Probably. But Toph, it isn't about what I want. It's about doing what's right, it's keeping Katara safe, her dad worry-free and gives me peace of mind. Isn't that better than happiness?'
I dig into my pocket for a spare pen and click the end. Just as I press the tip of the pen onto the dotted line, I hear a scream. I freeze. 'What the...'
Stuffing the papers in my pocket, I sprint out of the room and just as I turn a corner, I spot the nurse from earlier being held at the neck by an unfamiliar man. I scowl.
"Let go of her!" I bark as I step closer, bending a rock in the air. The man steps to the side and I immediately catch the glint of a knife pressed against the woman's neck. I halt. "Why are you..." I start, only for the man to cut across me.
"Yon Rha has a message for you. Don't divorce the wife and don't leave the region." The man regales before firing a large blast of fire. Blue fire. By the time I swipe it to the side, the man is gone and the nurse is sobbing on the ground. I rush over to her and kneel beside her.
"Hey you're ok." I soothe gently as I tilt her chin up to check for injuries. I spot a small trickle of blood where the knife must've just nicked her but nothing serious. I pull out a tissue and press it against her neck just as I hear a set of approaching footsteps. I look up to find Katara staring at us with wide eyes. I gulp and immediately avert my gaze. She frowns.
"I heard a scream." She states carefully as her eyes stray towards the sniffling nurse.
"I'm fine really." The nurse finally speaks up. I pull the tissue away to find the small trickle of blood slowing to a stop. Blood. It hits me this is blood. I breathe through my nostrils, reminding myself that it's only a little, but I sit back on my heels regardless. "What did that mad man want with you?" She queries as she rubs at her collar line.
"What madman? What happened?" Katara demands as she hovers between us. 'Shoot.' I curse inwardly.
"Some guy held me at knife point and threatened your husband and I guess you too." The woman answers before I can wave it all off. 'Monkey-feathers.' I curse again, but I refuse to look at the waterbender, especially when I hear her inhale sharply.
Immediately, Katara moves forward and tilts the nurse's chin up in a way that is so strikingly familiar to when I did it. Her crystal blue eyes examine the small wound. Her hand twitches by her side for a fraction of a moment before it summons some water from the air and presses her hand against the cut.
When she removes her fingers it's like nothing was ever there. Seeing her heal and using her bending again fills me with both relief, but also a nagging loneliness. 'All these years she held back from bending because she was guilty over what she did, but if she's using it again, I guess she really has let go of me.' I shove down the feelings of abandonment and look away.
"I healed the wound, but you should go to a doctor and get a prescription of antibiotics just in case the knife wasn't clean." Katara suggests gently as she drops her hand to her side. The nurse nods.
"Thanks. I'll... I'll do that now." The nurse's eyes drift to me for a moment before speaking up. "I appreciate you coming to my rescue. Take care you two." The woman bids before hurrying down the corridor and leaving Katara and I alone. I sense her turning towards me, but I don't move to meet her gaze.
"What did the knife man say?" Katara asks without batting an eyelid.
It's crazy how this sort of stuff seems to become the norm. I open my mouth, ready to bat it off, but my lips don't seem to obey me. Katara must've taken my hesitation as me trying to buy time to think of a lie because her face contorts into a scowl.
"And don't lie to me." She orders. I cringe and stare at the ground.
"He said..." I falter because it just feels like everything I've been trying to do has just been shoved back into my face. 'How did he even know I was trying to divorce Katara? How does he know I'm scheduled to leave the area soon? There's someone feeding him information, but I can't for the life of me think who.' I think in frustration as I rub my eyes.
"Aang?" Katara probes and when I pull away my hand, I find her arm outstretched as if reaching out for me, but she lets her arm drop when my gaze meets hers.
I swallow. 'I can't...breathe.' I realise as my chest tightens. I don't know what expression I must've been pulling because the waterbender closes the gap between us as she reaches for my wrist.
"There's an empty lounge this way." She murmurs as she pulls me along behind her. It's weird seeing her be so gentle when we were shouting less than an hour ago. She closes the door behind us after swiping at the sign outside, marking it occupied.
I stumble towards the closest sofa and after a moment Katara sits on the opposite end of the couch, watching and observing me. It's intense enough to make me squirm, but it lacks the previous harshness it had earlier.
"Tell me what's going on? There's obviously more to everything than what you've told me. As usual." Katara mutters the last part under her breath, but my keen hearing picks it up anyway. I swallow.
"I..." I stop again, my words just don't seem to work anymore. Nothing seems to work anymore. Instead of the exasperation I expected to see on my ex-wife's face… 'or I guess she's still my wife for now.' She furrows her eyebrows and continues to gaze at me, as if critically analysing me for something I'm unaware of.
"I don't think I've ever seen you this scared before." Katara notes as she leans back slightly with a contemplating expression. My lips part in surprise. 'Is that what I'm feeling right now? Scared?' I clear my throat.
"Why are you talking to me?" The words spill out of my mouth before I can rein them back in. Katara looks taken aback before folding her arms across her chest and crossing her legs in tandem.
"Honestly? Because I have to. If someone was willing to threaten a bystander, I can't just turn a blind eye, can I? And you're the only person who seems to know anything right now. Sokka..." Katara trails off with a faraway glassy look before shaking her head. "Anyway, it's just my terrible luck that you keep bottling things up." Katara continues as her eyes harden slightly.
I press my lips tightly together until they tinge white. 'Dang that hurt.' I try to swallow, but the lump in my throat gets stuck mid-way and I feel myself trying to bend some air into my lungs. I rest my hands over my knees as my eyes shift from side to side in thought. 'Should I tell her?' The reluctance in me is strong, but for the first time so is the desire not to lie. I hear her release a loud and long sigh.
"This is a waste of time." She grumbles as she uncrosses her legs and pushes herself off the sofa.
It's only when she's walked past me do I allow a tear to slip past my defences. The waterbender stops abruptly and after a long pause she turns to look at me. I don't know why she eyes me the way she does, but after several moments tick past she massages her forehead.
"Stupid waterbending." I hear her mumble, which only serves to add to my confusion. She must've caught me staring at her as she turns her head away from me. I take a shallow breath as I prepare to speak.
"Yon Rha sent someone to threaten us. Nothing new." I finally mutter.
Katara's eyes slowly return back to meet mine, but she doesn't say anything. I swallow again, but this time the lump goes all the way down my throat.
"He... doesn't want me to leave the area like I was supposed to do today..." I mumble and after the longest pause I tell her the second half too. "...and he doesn't want us to divorce either." I stumble over the words, but it's not that noticeable compared to the way Katara's body goes as rigid as a board, clamming up instantly as she inhales sharply. She doesn't say anything for a while, but when she does, her eyes don't quite meet mine.
"He knows way more than he should about you." Katara utters as she runs a hand through her hair. The waterbender moves to perch on the small tea table that's positioned directly in front of me. "Do you know why that is?" The doctor asks as if she's trying to work out another patient. I avert my eyes from her, trying not to look as if that stung. I see her shift from the corner of my eyes, but I miss the expression that fleets across her face.
"I guess someone who knows my schedule must be feeding Yon Rha with information." I say with a shrug, but Katara crosses her arms over her chest.
"Not just that. It's someone that you told about our...divorce." Katara becomes subdued by the end of her sentence, but her eyes still pierce into me with an intensity that I can't seem to shake off. My lips part at her words. "So, who did you tell?" My ex-wife queries logically. I shake my head.
"I didn't talk to anyone about it outside of Sokka and your Dad." I say honestly. Katara purses her lips and sits back slightly.
"Then someone must've overheard you when you told them." She concluded, but again I shake my head.
"That's not possible. I spoke to your Dad at his house and I only told Sokka a couple of days ago in the hotel room. There's no way anyone could've heard unless the room was bugged." I explain.
"Then the hotel room must've been bugged." Katara concludes and with the amount of head shaking I'm doing, I'm surprised I'm not getting dizzy.
"Unlikely. We didn't decide what room we'll be in until we arrived. Recording equipment takes time to set up, so it can't have been in the hotel." I deduce which prompts a frown from the waterbender.
"Are you saying my Dad's house is bugged?" Katara voices with obvious displeasure. I shrug.
"I can't think of anything else..." I trail off in thought. 'Come to think of it, Hakoda has been extra twitchy over our last few phone calls before I re-appeared in Katara's life. And he was the one to suggest the divorce in the first place...'
I shake my head. 'No, I'm being ridiculous. What would Hakoda gain from leaking information like that? He has always tried to protect me, but...what if Yon Rha threatened him? Actually, Yon Rha could've hurt Katara at any time while I was away, but he didn't. He said he wanted to see me suffer by making us close again before doing anything, but what if...what if he didn't touch Katara because he was using her as leverage against Hakoda? If he was leaking information to Yon Rha it would explain why I frequently found myself too late to stop a major crime or why I got repeatedly hurt after finding myself in sticky situations. But Yon Rha doesn't want a divorce, so why would Hakoda push for it if he knows it's something Yon Rha wouldn't want? Unless...unless Hakoda wanted to try and sever the leverage Yon Rha had over him.' I drop my head into my hand. 'That's very far-fetched and yet...' I massage my temples.
"Aang?" I look up at hearing my name to find Katara scrutinizing me.
"Huh?" I echo back.
"You zoned out." The waterbender points out as her frown deepens.
"Oh. Right." I mumble in embarrassment as I rub the back of my neck. Katara quirks an eyebrow at my response.
"What were you thinking about?" She asks while watching me carefully.
"Just trying to figure out if there's anyone else, but still coming up blank." I lie. 'I can hardly accuse her own dad, right?' I think in an attempt to convince myself that lying to her this time is for her benefit. The corner of Katara's lips dips in displeasure.
"I know you're lying because your eyes widened in shock a moment ago." The waterbender mutters as she points to my face. 'Monkey-feathers.' I curse. "So, who's the potential culprit?" She adds with waiting eyes. 'Double shoot.' My lips part.
"No one." I voice as I try to maintain eye contact, but it's hard when Katara bites her lower lip and gazes at me in utter disappointment.
"Of course, you wouldn't tell me anything." I hear her mutter and I deflate at her words. 'When did I become someone that could never talk to her about these things? It used to be so easy. She was one of the first people I told about my parents and here I can't tell her about some offhanded theory.'
My eyes drop to the ground.
"So, let me see I've got this right. Yon Rha doesn't want you to leave the area and he doesn't want us to divorce. Supposedly, because it will hurt you more if something happened to me when we aren't so distant, correct?" The waterbender summarizes and I nod my head. "On top of that there's a spy who you may or may not have figured out the identity of, but refuse to tell me just for the sake of it." Katara adds while keeping a straight face. I cringe at the underlying bitterness behind her words.
"It's just a stupid hunch." I mutter in protest which prompts the waterbender to cross her legs.
"So, you do have a hunch?" Katara points out. I wrinkle my nose. "From what I remember, your hunches were nearly always right." She continues when I don't reply. 'That's what I'm worried about.' I think sulkily.
When I don't respond, she leans forward until our knees are mere inches away from each other. Close, but not touching.
"Is it someone I know?" I inhale deeply at the question. 'Jeez, I forget how sharp she is.' I think anxiously as Katara nods her head. "Who?" She queries softly and I almost feel like melting then and there. Just like I did when I woke up to find my arms wrapped around her a couple of nights ago. And also when I kissed her as she was losing consciousness the other day. 'She still has that effect on me regardless of how long it's been. It's why it's dangerous for us to be together. She's my... weakness.' I'm broken out of my thoughts by her sigh.
"You'd either laugh or slap me if I told you." My lips work on their own accord, surprising not just me, but also the waterbender.
"And what if I told you I'd do neither?" Katara says as the corner of her lips quirk ever so slightly upwards. I avert my eyes.
"Then you'd probably shout or run out." I mumble. A hand cups my cheek briefly and then withdraws before I can properly register it.
"I'm not going to do any of that." Katara assures as she hangs the hand that touched me over her knee. I swallow. It takes just a touch to loosen my tongue.
"It's just a dumb guess, but maybe it's worth considering your...Dad." I falter as I watch Katara's face which twitches ever so slightly. She inhales deeply before speaking up.
"What makes you think that?" Her tone is level and neutral but it's laced with the barest hints of something else. My knee starts bobbing up and down in anxiety.
"He..." I trail off. 'Surely if I told her, it would sour her already strained relationship with her father. I don't want that.' I bite my lip hard.
"He what?" The waterbender prompts when I don't continue.
"Just believe me when I say I might have a reason to suspect him." I say instead and I should've expected the glare that she shoots me with.
"You're telling me that my father could potentially be working with the man that murdered his wife and you're not even backing up such a theory?" Katara queries incredulously. My lips move wordlessly as I clutch my knees tightly.
"I...maybe if it was for your safety he would." I whisper. Whatever quip the waterbender had ready to throw at me, quickly dies on her lips.
"Aang, you're not making any sense. How was being in a collapsing building keeping me safe? Plus, it's my Dad, don't you realise how ridiculous this sounds?" Katara points out, putting extra emphasis on the word 'Dad' as if I didn't know how crazy it already sounded. The grip around my knees tightens ever so slightly as I think of what to say.
"What if...what if I told you I got hurt a lot after we...after I left? And that I often found myself showing up at the wrong time or in the wrong place when I...I met various criminals. Members of various city councils are the only ones who knew where I'd be and at what time." I explain, trying not to give too much information, but enough that it satisfies my former wife. Katara's eyebrows bunch together tightly as she stares at me.
"I've briefly seen the new scars that you didn't have before so I know you were..." Katara turns her head to the side so that her hair loopie covers her eyes. "...hurt. But there are multiple people in each council. It could be any one of them. Why choose my Dad?" The waterbender queries as she finally turns to meet my eyes again. Her orbs swirl with reservation and distrust and it makes my stomach twist to know that it's directed at me.
"Because only one council member of each city knows when I'll be at their city. I travel all the time so there's no way all of the council members are a spy unless either there's someone telling the other members or it's your Dad because he's the only one that always know where I'll be as my legal guardian." I clarify, but the waterbender doesn't seem thrilled with my proposal as her jaws clench and her fingers dig into her bicep.
"So, you automatically picked my dad as the suspect instead of going with the alternative? Even though he was the one who stepped up to be your guardian when you would've been sent back to an orphanage. We have our own issues but it doesn't seem fair that you're accusing him of something this severe." Katara voices stiffly as she watches me with hardened eyes.
I'm gripping my knees so tightly that I feel like I'm going to snap the bone in two at any moment. I try to swallow as I get ready to say something, but the lump gets stuck in my throat, so I opt to lower my eyes to the floor. We sit in silence for several moments until Katara moves to massage her forehead.
"If you really think it is my Dad, then why don't we go and ask him? He's still here, isn't he?" Katara utters, her voice crisp and firm as she rises to her feet. But I don't budge from my spot. Somehow, Katara not believing me stings a lot more than I thought it would. 'Before, she trusted my instinct. Now? She thinks I'm ridiculous.'
My chest twinges painfully. 'Why...why does my dumb heart still love her?' I whine internally as I keep staring at the ground. I can feel her gaze on me, but I don't want to look up. I can't.
Everything is getting too much for me. The fear. The rejection. The pain. The loneliness. The dark thoughts. Sokka. Divorce. Katara. 'I don't think I'll be able to take the look of hatred on her face for who knows how many times now. And why wouldn't she? I just accused her father of something so terrible with no evidence but my crazy gut feeling. How foolish can I be?'
I bite my lip. I bite it so hard that I feel it splitting between my teeth, but it doesn't hurt. Nothing physical really hurts anymore. I feel the red liquid before I see it as it dribbles down my lip, then my chin before landing on my yellow trousers. Bright red blood.
Before I can think about it, I hear the waterbender curse as she steps towards me and takes my chin in her hand, tilting it up for a closer look. Her eyes flicker between my lips and my eyes several times before she reaches forward with her other hand, mustering some water from the air before resting her thumb against my bottom lip. I catch a flash of light before it quickly fades. She doesn't move her thumb immediately, but when I raise my eyes to observe her, she lets go.
However, Katara keeps her eyes trained on me as if I'd do something else if she didn't watch me. I watch her deliberate on something before she crouches down in front of me.
"I don't know what I'm going to do with you." Katara heaves with a sigh as her crystal blue orbs continue to scrutinise me. I close my eyes.
"You're going to leave me." The words slip out unbidden and before I can retract them. I don't hear anything from her except the sounds of her shallow breathing.
"That's what you wanted, isn't it?" The waterbender finally replies. 'Say the right thing.' My inner demon screams at me. I don't get the chance to reply either way because a knock pulls us both out of the conversation. When I open my eyes, I find Hakoda standing at the entrance, staring at us.
"Oh. I didn't interrupt something, did I?" The man asks bashfully, but his eyes are directed at me. The silent 'did you do it' is written as clear as day. I gulp just as Katara pushes herself back to her feet.
"No, nothing." The waterbender replies as she dusts off her clothes before pinning her dad with a questioning look. "Actually, while you're here, I wanted to ask you something quickly." Katara begins and my heart leaps out of my chest in fear as I scramble to my feet.
I open my mouth, ready to stop her from asking what I know is on her mind, but I'm rendered frozen when the woman's foot nudges mine. 'What?' I wonder, dumbfounded.
"Of course darling, ask away." Her father replies smoothly.
"When was the last time you interacted with Yon Rha?" Katara asks, her voice somehow breezy and casual as if she were just asking about the weather. Hakoda does a double take as he stares at her.
"Me interact with that monster? I hope you're joking sweetie." Her Dad replies, sounding just as aghast as he looks and with how steady his heart beat is, I realise my entire theory was just dumb to begin with and my whole body slumps at my stupidity. Katara senses the change in my demeanour as she nods her head and flashes her Dad a smile.
"Sorry, bad joke Dad. Was there anything you needed?" My former wife asks as she waits for her Dad to reply. The man looks befuddled for a moment before shaking his head.
"Not really. I wanted to talk to Aang for a moment, but I feel like the two of you are in the middle of something so I'll just come back later." Hakoda says as he quickly backs out of the room and disappears down the corridor.
I can't bear to look Katara in the eye after that so I immediately spin on my heels to give her my back before she can turn to look at me. My eyes immediately fall in the half open window that I didn't realise was there and I get the itching sensation to just escape through it. We're on the fifth floor and I don't have my staff with me, but air is my element I could just...I'm brought back to reality when someone grabs my arm.
"Aang I think...I think I need a break from seeing you for a while. It's scary how easy you can influence me, even against my own father." Katara whispers and then inhales deeply. "Maybe...maybe the divorce is a good thing. I was livid at first, but I'm starting to wrap my head around it all and it's just better this way. For the both of us." The waterbender continues to talk, but I stopped listening after she said that the divorce is probably a good thing.
I try to swallow, but I can't. 'This is what I strived for, right? She doesn't want to see me. She doesn't want us to be together. She doesn't want me full stop. She's accepting of the idea. Heck, she thinks it's a good idea. Spirits, why does my chest hurt so much?' I stretch a shaky hand to my chest, clutching at my shirt as if there were a cord being wrapped around my torso. Squeezing my frantically beating heart and tying it up with my already starved lungs.
"Aang?" Katara's voice snaps me back once more and the cord around me loosens ever so slightly.
"Yeah of course, whatever you need." I reply as I give her a small smile. Katara gazes at me, as if searching for an answer that goes beyond my words. I feel her hands slip off my arm and with it the cord ensnares me once more. Gasping for air on the inside, but appearing perfectly fine to anyone who looks at me from outside.
"Ok, if you're sure you're ok with it, I'm going to go back home. They're transferring Sokka there because the hospital is more equipped for..." She trails off with sombre features before shaking her head. "I need to do everything I can to help him." Katara finishes. I smile again, fake and hollow, but I guess it's what she needs.
"I understand. I'm sure you'll be the one to bring him back." I voice….'just like you brought me back' is what I leave unsaid.
I expect Katara to move away and walk out of the room then, but she doesn't. She looks up at me, as if she sees something that no one else would ever be able to see. Her lips part and her hands reach forward, but they pause mid-air. Katara gazes at me with an indescribable expression as she rolls her lips between her teeth. Finally, she drops her hands back to her sides.
"What are you going to do about Yon Rha's threat?" The waterbender finally asks. I shrug, acting as if it doesn't matter anymore.
"I'll stick around in the area for a little bit till I figure it out. Don't worry, I'll make sure we won't cross paths." I add hastily in case she doesn't think I'm respecting her wishes. She hums before clasping her hands together.
"Well, I guess this is goodbye then." Katara voices as she takes a step back. A sad smile is painted across her lips. I swallow and give her another smile, but this time it wobbles.
"Yeah. Goodbye Katara." I say just as the cord makes a harsh knot around my beating organ. I feel my lips beginning to tremble so I quickly press them together to still their movements, but Katara notices and immediately halts her slow shuffling away from me.
"Aang..." She starts, but trails off.
"Go on. I know you'll be just fine without me." I say encouragingly but hearing myself say those words is like a knife being stabbed in my chest. 'She'll be just fine without me. She was before she met me and she will be after we part ways. Just like everyone. They're all fine without me. I'm not...needed. I don't need to be here. I don't need to be. I don't...'
Moisture collects in my eyes, but I blink quickly to bid them away, but I can't stop thinking about it all. 'That no one needs me. That maybe I should just disappear. For good.' And the more I think about it, the more the moisture reappears.
Katara parts her lips as she steps towards me once more, her hand outstretched as she reaches for me. I only realise why when my knees hit the ground. 'Jeez I couldn't stay strong until after she left? How pathetic.' I berate myself as Katara drops to her knees in front of me. Her eyebrows are furrowed together as her eyes shine with concern and worry.
"Aang, what's wrong?" My ex-wife queries as she takes hold of my arms. I shake my head wordlessly.
"Nothing really. You should go, I don't want to keep tying you down." I say in what I had intended to be a reassuring reply, but if anything, her eyes widen in alarm and I quickly duck my head down.
"What do you mean by that?" Katara asks insistently as she tries to catch my eyes.
"Nothing. Don't worry about it. You better go so you can be with Sokka when they transfer him." I utter numbly, but if anything, I feel the waterbender's fingers dig into my biceps as she gives me a light shake.
"What's going on? You're acting strangely." My ex-wife demands as she moves one hand to tilt my head up when I keep averting her gaze. I catch sight of the raging emotions locked behind those oceanic orbs of hers and I kick myself for being so see-through.
"You're worrying over nothing. Go be with your brother and Dad. I'll be... around here for a little while." I insist.
Something sickening swirls in my gut. Those dark thoughts are back like a raging storm. 'But I just need to subdue them for a little while longer. Just until Katara is back on a boat to her hometown. Then I can give into those thoughts. The next Avatar will be fine. If my uselessness could figure it out, then I know they will too.'
I thought what I had said would be enough to convince her, but if anything Katara looks even more disturbed than before. I watch her chew her lip before she rises to her feet. 'Maybe I did succeed in convincing her.' I think to myself as my stomach twists again, but this time in fearful anticipation.
However, instead of disappearing through the door like I expected, she moves to click the lock on. 'What?' I echo dumbfounded. She returns back to kneeling half a metre away from me. Her eyes are fixed on the floor for a moment before she glances up at me.
"What are you going to do?" Katara asks quietly. I stare at her in disbelief. 'Does she know?' I wonder anxiously before deciding I'm being paranoid. 'Of course she doesn't know. How could she? I've never been in such a bad mental state before.'
"You mean when you leave? I'll... I'll figure something out. A way to fix what's going on with Yon Rha." I say which at least is honest. 'I mean, if I'm gone then what use is Katara to Yon Rha, right?' Katara's lips part as she stares at me.
"How?" The waterbender presses as she clasps her hands firmly together, for a moment I thought it was to hide her trembling, but when I look down I find they're perfectly still.
"It doesn't matter. Just go and be with your family." I repeat again. This time I do spot the slight tremble in her hands.
"Aang, what are you going to do?" Katara repeats for what feels like the hundredth time. I frown at her. 'She sounds serious when she's using my name like that.' I shake my head.
"I don't understand." I mutter. My ex-wife presses her lips together so tightly until the corners are pinched white. I watch her swallow as her eyes water slightly.
"That look in your eyes is scaring me." Katara whispers anxiously. I blink twice and try my hardest to give her a genuine smile.
"What look? There is no look." I say simply. I inhale deeply and find myself opening my mouth again in a ramble. "Just go. Live a happy life. I'll be...rooting for you on the sidelines. I want you to meet a guy who's perfect for you, who won't give you the grief that I've given you. Someone that will make you forget about me. You'll love them so much that you won't miss me when I'm not around anymore. I'll be a distant memory. A passing thought. Hopefully not even that. I just ask that you be happy, ok?" I request meekly just as Katara inhales sharply.
"When you're not around anymore?" She echoes back numbly. I cringe. 'Too much information.' But I try to cover it up with a smile.
"Yeah, you know when I'm not in the same town anymore." I explain, but what I really wanted to say was the same world. Katara squints up at me and finally she reaches forward to take my face in her hands.
"You're...you're not doing what I think you're going to do?" Her voice is so delicate. Fragile even. I try hard not to break that fragility.
"I don't know what you mean." I breathe back. Katara releases a small croak as her lips tremble.
"Aang, don't l-lie to me. Not with this." Katara chokes back. I reach up and hold her by the elbows.
"I really don't know what you're talking about." I lie. Her hands move away from my face and slides over my scalp before resting at the back of my neck.
"Aang please. I need more reassurance than that." Katara pleads as the fear in her eyes only become more frantic. 'But how can I lie to her like this?' I avert my eyes.
"I...don't think I can give it." I whisper as my heart flutters angrily in my chest. I hear her breathing catch.
"Aang..." The waterbender starts, but her voice is so pained that it makes me physically ache inside.
"You can let me go. You can remember me as a bad dream if you want to." I suggest as I try to pull away from her, but she forces me in place.
"Say what I think you're going to do." Katara's voice is so quiet that I easily refuse the request.
"No." I mutter.
"Say it!" Katara's voice picks up in volume, but I shake my head. "SAY IT!" She screeches. I grit my teeth. I feel her hands shaking from their position around my neck. "Aang, for the love of spirits, if you don't say it right now, I'm going to lock you up in our basement and never let you out." Katara threatens. I resist the urge to laugh at her poor attempt to threaten me and turn my head to the side.
"I think it's better if...if I wasn't around anymore. I know being an Air Nomad means I protect all life, but that doesn't have to include mine, right? It will be quick and painless. Suck the air out of my lungs and be done with. Can't be that hard right?" I babble, but I don't get that far with my rambling because I suddenly find my head being swung to the left as a loud audible slap vibrates across the room. My lips part in shock as I stretch my hand to cup my quickly reddening cheek.
"You absolute idiot." Katara hisses as her breathing hitches furiously.
I stare at her with wide eyes. I've seen her get mad lots of times, but she's downright livid. She raises her hand again and I flinch in anticipation, but the waterbender halts her actions and releases a quiet whimper.
"How can you think that you d-dying would be better?" Katara chokes out as finally a tear escapes past her eyelid. My eyes soften and I move to wipe her cheek with the palm of my hand. She catches my hand just as I pull away and instead keeps my hand pressed to her cheek.
"Hey now, don't cry." I murmur gently, but more tears slip past her defences. I chew my lip. "How did you know what I was thinking?" I ask quietly, sounding subdued and defeated. I feel Katara's fingers tighten around my wrist before she answers.
"The look on your face wasn't right. It was something I've seen a handful of times on people who came to the emergency department after a failed suicide attempt. But I never ever thought I'd see that same expression on your face. I had hoped I was just being paranoid and you'd tell me I was being dumb, but..." Katara struggles to finish her sentence and opts to move her face until her lips are pressed into my palm. I flicker my gaze away from her. "Why? Just...why?" She whispers. I feel my lips tremble as I press them together.
"It's...too much. All of it. Trying to protect the world, not having anyone to back me up, this constant fear of hurting everyone I get near to, leaving you again, what happened with Sokka. I just can't...I can't keep doing this." I ramble as Katara moves forward to cup my cheek.
"We'll sort it out together." Katara murmurs as she leans her forehead against mine, but I'm shaking my head, withdrawing from her.
"I told you. It's not in the cards." I mutter which causes the woman to purse her lips.
"Aang, you can't handle this alone. If us separating hurts you this much then it's an obvious sign that we shouldn't do it. And for everything else? Well, we'll work it out." The waterbender utters as she gazes at me with worried squinted eyes. I swallow and stare at the ground.
"No. It's the right thing to do. I know it is." I insist just as Katara's arms snaps out to snatch something from my pocket.
I blink twice before I realise, she grabbed the divorce papers that I had tucked away. My brain is a second too slow to comprehend what she's doing until I see her rip the papers into half and then again and again until all that's left are tiny pieces of paper. I stare at her in shock and in a delayed reaction my hands jerk out to grab the rest of it before she tears it any further. Not any good that does since it's basically useless now.
"Jeez Katara, don't you know how much effort I went through to get these?" I groan as I let the scraps flutter to the table. The waterbender snorts.
"I'm going to ignore how disappointed you sound and chalk it up to you having a lot going on right now." Katara mutters. I cringe and flicker my gaze up just as her wounded expression fades.
"Come on, we should see what Zuko and Toph are up to and if anything else has come up." The waterbender suggests as she rises to her feet and offers me her hand. I stare at it hesitantly before taking it.
"You don't think I'm unstable?" I whisper as she pulls me up to my feet.
"This isn't you being unstable. It's just that you're hurting. You have been for a long time. I...I don't know how to help, but I'll figure it out." Katara voices quietly as she gives my hand a squeeze before letting go. I don't reply, but trail after her as we exit the patient lounge. "There's something more with my Dad isn't there? He wouldn't have come with the intention to talk just to you if there wasn't." My wife deduces. I stare at the ground as we walk.
"There's... something. But I guess it doesn't really apply now." I mumble. Katara slows her pace until she matches mine. Her eyes are fixed on me. I can feel them watching me, searching even.
"The divorce...was that his idea?" Katara queries quietly. I jerk my head up in surprise which elicits a soft sigh from the woman. "That's my Dad for you." She mutters with a head shake.
"How did you..." I falter when she flickers her eyes up to the ceiling.
"He brought it up a couple of times over the years. It's part of why our relationship soured as much as it did. Besides, if you really wanted to divorce me you would've done it years ago, but I guess that was your way of not letting go. Dad on the other hand wanted me to get on with my life so it wasn't that hard to piece together if I really thought about it. I guess thinking is the last thing anyone does when they're mad, huh?" The waterbender utters dryly. I slump my shoulders.
"I didn't want you to be mad at him more than you already were. Plus, I was the one who agreed to it in the end." I reason. Katara doesn't reply for several moments before releasing a resigned sigh.
"Considering the state Sokka's in, I don't think I could be mad at Dad even if I wanted to be. This whole situation is the worst." The waterbender mutters as she walks ahead of me.
My eyes follow the way she rotates her right shoulder back in a circle as if it were stiff, before letting it drop back to its usual position. It's only then, do I realise that she's still dressed in her hospital garments. The thin cotton material hangs low around her shoulders and the back opening is barely secured with its ribbon as it flutters from side to side, allowing me to catch sight of the barest hint of the woman's spine.
I bite the inside of my cheek as my feet starts to slow. Katara notices a few moments later and turns to eye me questioningly. I try to control the amount of heat that threatens to consume my face as I avert my eyes.
"Maybe we should find you some clothes to change into before we meet up with everyone else? I was able to save our bags from the wreckage. I left yours in your hospital room." I babble on as the waterbender continues to stare at me with growing confusion. Her gaze darts down to the clothing she's wearing before glancing back at me with a quirked eyebrow.
"Ok?" Katara voices back, sounding semi-taken back, but she moves to walk past me, following the direction back to her hospital room. She doesn't say anything for several moments until we enter her hospital room again. "Mind closing the shutters so no one thinks to barge in?" Katara requests distractedly as she squats to open the bedside cupboard.
"Erm sure." I mumble as I close the door and then move to twiddle the shutters until they block the viewing glass of the door.
When I turn around, the last thing I expected was to see the waterbender changing out of her hospital gown without a second thought. A croak escapes my mouth before I swiftly spin on my heels to give her my back. The woman must've looked up because the next thing I hear is a long-exaggerated sigh.
"For the love of spirits Aang, you don't need to act so embarrassed." Katara chides as I hear clothes rustling behind me. I clear my throat.
"Well, you should've warned me. I thought you were going to draw the curtains around you or something." I mutter back.
"It's not like this is the first time you've seen me like this." I almost choke at her words, but she swiftly continues before I can comment on that. "Besides, I need your help with this top. The zip is on the side and I have to strain to reach it which isn't doing my abdomen any favours." My former wife explains. My heart drops to my feet on hearing this and I find myself frozen to my spot. "Aang?" She probes when I don't reply. I cough to try to clear my throat again.
"Oh...ok." I utter statically, but my feet don't move. I hear her sigh again.
"Fine, I'll do it." She mutters as I hear her shuffle somewhere behind me. I swallow and finally shift slightly to look over my shoulder. Katara hasn't even got her top on yet, she's just bundling it together before slipping her head through the hole piece. I probably shouldn't be watching, but I find myself entranced and captivated by her movements in a way that I really shouldn't.
The muscles in her back twitch as she pushes one arm through a sleeve. She winces. And that's enough to get my feet moving as I find myself standing behind her and taking the piece of fabric in my hands as I guide her other arm through the other sleeve. Katara blinks in surprise and cranes her neck behind her to gaze at me.
"Thanks." She breathes. I give her a silent half smile as I pull the blouse down, over the faded scars that line her shoulder blades and spine. I refrain from closing my eyes simply because I can feel the woman's gaze on me and I don't want her to feel more self-conscious than she already is about them.
She clears her throat and flushing I step back to give her some space as she reaches forward for a pair of leggings. I'm ready to turn away again when she rests a hand on my shoulder to help keep her balance as she shimmies into them. I swallow and glance away.
"Dont touch me. Don't ever touch me."
Her prior words suddenly ring loudly in my head and a sense of nausea washes over me. The waterbender seems unaware of my discomfort as she finally pulls her hand away and bends down to pick up her hospital gown before dropping it in a nearby clothes trolley.
"Ok let's go." Katara ushers, but when she looks back at me her gaze falters. "What?" She queries as the hand that reaches for the door handle stills. I shake my head.
"Nothing." I mumble as I manoeuvre around her and push down on the handle instead. I feel a pull on my sleeve, drawing me back.
"If it's the scars..." She starts, but I immediately cut her off.
"It's not that." I deny fervently as I gaze intensely at her to convey the message across. Katara swallows and releases her grip on my sleeve.
"Then why..." She trails off, but I know what she's referring to. 'What was that look on my face?' I can almost hear her asking.
"I was just replaying our earlier argument in my mind." I mutter as I yank open the door. I sense the woman trailing closely behind me with an eerie silence.
"Aang..." The waterbender murmurs. To my good fortune, I spot Toph up ahead and I almost sigh in relief.
"There's Toph." I interrupt and quicken my footsteps to reach the earthbender who turns at my arrival. Her face is sombre.
"Hey Twinkletoes, Sugarqueen. I've been getting numerous calls about other similar explosions across the coast. Nothing as catastrophic as the one here, but there's been a lot of casualties. I need to head back to my office and see what I can do." The earthbender mutters as she kicks at the ground. "I didn't want to leave Snoozles unsupervised, but there doesn't seem like I can do anything about it."
"My father will keep an eye on him. As will I." Katara reassures.
"Well, your bending is scary when you want it to be, so I'm less worried now." Toph throws out with a wave of her hand. I spot the way Katara tenses and with a gulp, I quickly jump in.
"Shouldn't I come with you? This really sounds like Avatar stuff." I mention, dropping my voice to a quiet whisper, but before the earthbender can reply, Katara cuts across me.
"What about being told to stay here by Yon Rha?" The waterbender's reminds unhelpfully. My lips part just as Toph whips her head between us.
"You saw him?!" Her rebuttal has me slumping my shoulders.
"I didn't see him. He sent someone that works for him to threaten a nurse and gave me a message to not leave the area." I reluctantly disclose.
"And not to go ahead with the divorce." Katara adds with a mutter. I choose not to look at her as she says that while the earthbender starts tapping her foot impatiently.
"Did this just happen?" She demands as she reaches into her pocket for a communication device. I shrug.
"About half an hour ago or so." I reply, prompting a curse from the woman as she keys in a few buttons to the device in her hands before dropping it back into her pocket.
"Then he's long gone. If something like that happens, tell me. I could've had someone arrest or tail him." Toph rebukes as she massages the bridge of her nose. I cringe. 'Oh yeah. Sometimes I forget Toph works for the police force.' I grumble silently. "I'll post a couple of officers around the hospital anyway. I heard they'll be moving Sokka to Sugarqueen's hospital because they have better facilities there than here so I'll make sure he's accompanied." Toph explains as she turns to stare down the empty hallway.
"What's with all the security for my brother?" Katara asks with a frown. Toph doesn't reply for a few moments until she turns back to face us.
"I had a chat with your Dad. He's concerned about the two of you being targets in all this. So, I'm posting extra security partly for his peace of mind and partly for mine. You've got Aang around you so I'm less concerned." The earthbender states a matter of factly. I blink twice at her last statement. 'Oh jeez, this level of confidence in me is un-nerving.' I think as I break into sweat.
"Hold on, what makes you think we're sticking with each other? Katara has work and I..." Toph sighs before I can finish.
"Right. Forgot about that. In that case I can just..."
"Wait, hang on. You're going to stay here by yourself?" Katara interrupts as she pierces me with her oceanic orbs. I quirk an eyebrow.
"Sure. This is nothing new for me. I've stayed in different cities all the time, you know that." I remind as I watch her clutch her elbow.
"I don't think that's a good idea." She mutters and I bite my tongue when I realise what's going through her head.
"I'm not going to do anything." I hiss. Katara wrinkles her nose.
"That wasn't what I had in my mind, but now that you mention it that's also a very good reason to not leave you alone." Katara snaps back.
"I feel like I'm missing something here." The earthbender voices, but my attention is pinned on the waterbender.
"Then what did you have in mind?" I ask gruffly.
"You might be the Avatar, but you're not invincible. You should have back-up." Katara insists.
"Thanks for the confidence boost." I mutter bitterly which prompts a groan from Toph.
"You two and your lover's spat is getting really old and annoying." Toph quips irritably.
"We're not lovers!" Katara and I protest loudly. The earthbender snorts.
"Sure. Listen, I don't have time to hear you two argue all day. Katara you have work, I get that. I'd prefer if you stayed with Twinkletoes because I'm tight on man power as it is already, but I'm not against you leaving." The earthbender explains carefully.
"I'm not leaving." My former wife announces smoothly.
"Good, then I'm off. Let me know if anything else happens." Toph bids. I stare at her retreating back before whipping my head towards Katara.
"No, wait. You can't stay here!" I argue, only for the waterbender to cross her arms.
"So what? You can't make me leave Aang." Katara points out. I grit my teeth and spin on my heels as I stalk away from her. "Hey!" I hear her call out, but I'm too angry to turn back. In my irritation, I make it all the way out of the hospital where I immediately spot Zuko.
"Zuko?" I call out which earns the firebender's attention. He gives me a half-hearted wave as I jog towards him.
"Hey, the company is in a mess at the moment. A lot of employees have just quit and I need to get back and try to figure out what's going on." The scarred man mutters as he runs a hand through his messy hair. My lips part.
"What? Why?" I fire back, only for the man to shake his head.
"I don't know, but I'm worried that there are employees that were a lot more loyal to my father than I realised." Zuko complains as his face becomes increasingly troubled.
"Spirits. I should be joining you, not being stuck here." I mutter as I massage my forehead which elicits a frown from the man.
"What do you mean you're stuck here?" He questions in confusion. I sigh.
"I recieved a threat from one of Yon Rha's followers that he'd hurt people if I leave here." I explain with a long-winded sigh.
"Agni. He's definitely up to something. Ok, listen I'll keep you up to date what's going on in my end. We'll figure this out. Until then..." Zuko pauses as he rummages in his jacket before pulling out a set of keys. "...these are the keys for my beach house. Most of the rooms are under refurbishment, but there's one that's not. You can stay there until everything is sorted." My friend offers.
"Zuko, I don't know. I don't want anything to happen to your house while I'm there." I voice reluctantly, although that's not the only reason I'm reluctant. 'If Katara insists to stay with me then we'll just end up sharing a room again which is something I really want to avoid.'
"It's just a house. If anything happens to it, I can just get it rebuilt. Besides, being in a hotel poses a risk not just to you, but everyone else who's staying there. My house is secluded, no civilians will get hurt if someone comes after you." The firebender reasons as he pushes the bundle of keys into my hand. "I've really got to go now. But take care. If anything happens call me straight away, I'll make sure I'll get there and... I'll visit Sokka for you too." Zuko adds in a whisper. I swallow and cast him a grateful glance.
"Thanks Zuko." I mumble as the man claps me on the shoulder.
"He'll be ok I'm sure. He's Sokka. Nothing gets that man down." He reassures before parting. I watch him enter a black saloon car and driving away before I finally release a shallow sigh.
"You don't have to stand behind the pillar you know." I mutter after a beat of silence. I hear a quiet exhale before Katara appears from behind the building support with cautious eyes as she has a bag slung over her shoulder and a suitcase by her side.
"I didn't want to interrupt." The waterbender replies simply. I raise an eyebrow at her.
"Didn't you want to at least tell him bye?" I query in surprise.
"I already talked to him earlier. So, we're going to Zuko's old beach house after all?" My former wife asks as her eyes dart to the keys still held loosely in my right hand. I curl my fingers around them.
"There's no we. Besides, there's only one room." I utter stiffly. Katara wrinkles her nose as she folds her arms across her chest.
"There is for now whether you like it or not. And the room isn't a big deal. There's probably a sleeping bag lying around or something." The waterbender retorts as she reaches forward to pluck the set of keys from my grasp and walks ahead, pulling the suitcase as she walks.
I stare at her for a good minute before forcing my heavy feet to move. 'Why is she so hard to reason with?' I grumble silently as I trudge behind her.
The next few minutes pass in silence as we make the long trek to Zuko's beach house. Despite it being so long since we've last visited, my feet seem to know where to go without needing to look up to follow the waterbender. It's 30 minutes later when I notice the lag in the woman's stride.
"Should we take a break?" I say, finally speaking up after the long silence. I don't know whether she heard me or not and open my mouth to repeat myself.
"Best not. It's better if we arrive before it gets dark." Katara answers without looking back. I purse my lips and pick up my pace until I fall in line with hers.
"Then let me take the..." I start as I reach for her shoulder bag, only for the woman to side step my hand.
"I can manage." She mutters as she continues to pull the suitcase along. I blink and then realise that the shoulder bag isn't hers at all, it's mine. I frown and stretch my arm again.
"It's my bag, there's no need for you to carry it." I insist, but again she dodges my fingers.
"It's fine. If I get tired, I'll pass it to you." My former wife deflects without turning to look at me. My frown deepens.
"I don't get why you want to hold it." I argue.
"And I don't get why you're arguing about it!" Katara snaps as her eyes blaze at me. I reel back at the sudden venom in her tone. Katara notices and immediately cringes. With a quiet sigh, she wordlessly hands me the bag and the keys for the house. I take them hesitantly, all the while I keep my gaze fixed on her.
"I'm confused." I finally utter when I don't know what else to say. Another quiet exhale escapes her as she tightens her grip on the suitcase handle.
"I didn't want you to keep thinking you have to help all the time." The waterbender mumbles without meeting my eyes. My lips part as I stare at her.
"That's why we're arguing right now?" I utter in surprise. Katara wrinkles her nose and turns her head away from me.
"That, amongst other things." She mutters as she picks up her pace. I frown and with a burst of airbending, I move to cut her off.
"What other things?" I ask with finger quotations. The waterbender doesn't meet my eyes.
"Let's just get to the house first." My ex-wife deflects as she moves around me. I watch her walk for a moment while biting my lip. 'Monkey-feathers. Me and my big mouth. I knew I shouldn't have spilt those thoughts to her. She's going to think I'll need to be locked up in some psychiatric unit.' My stomach turns at the thought.
When I return to following her, I keep my pace well behind hers to drag out the journey. It's another 15 minutes before we finally arrive and the place looks a lot more gloomy than I last remembered. Katara looks behind her at me for the first time in a while and steps to the side to allow me to unlock the door. I almost move robotically as I jingle open the door. The musty scent of paint hits my nostrils as I step in and I move to lock the door behind us.
"I think it's one of the bedrooms upstairs that's still usable." I mumble as I look past the living room to find it unfortunately empty of any furniture, particularly sofas. 'Great, no sofa to use as an excuse to sleep on.' I grumble internally. 'Actually come to think of it, there really isn't any furniture anywhere save for a small tea table at the corner.'
I glance up at the flight of stairs and start ascending them just as I hear the wheels of the suitcase clatter behind me. I frown and turn around to find Katara pushing the case up the first step. Without another thought, I reach down and pluck it by its handle and pull it up along with me.
"Aang!" The waterbender protests, but I continue dragging it up until I reach the second floor where I park it by the banister before surveying the landing with a critical eye. I immediately spot why the three out of four bedrooms are out of order. Parts of the walls have started decaying and the rooms have been striped completely bare.
"Jeez Zuko, how did you let this place go like this?" I mutter under my breath as I walk past the rooms until I reach the last one at the end of the hallway which has remained closed.
I'm almost anxious to open it, but after a moment of deliberation, I twist the handle down and push the mahogany door forward. I blink twice at the pristine condition of this room and when my eyes dance across the lavish wardrobe to the queen bed, I'm instantly struck with memories and I stagger backwards in remembrance. 'This was...this was the room Katara and I used to share whenever we'd come here.' I recall with a lump in my throat.
A sense of nausea swirls within me as I eye the attached bathroom and its toilet. Someone clears their throat behind me, breaking me out if my funk as I turn slightly to find Katara standing with her hand on her hip.
"Aang, you're kind of blocking the doorway." The waterbender points out with a quirked eyebrow. I gulp and slowly move to one side to allow her in. One look at the room is all it takes before she inhales sharply. Her blue orbs flicker to me briefly before promptly moving away. She doesn't say another word as she rolls her suitcase forward until it's perched by the bedside table.
I open my mouth, before quickly closing it again. 'Zuko you're as bad as Sokka I swear.' I curse, but my heart trips over itself at the thought of the ponytailed man. I turn around to give my back to my ex-wife as I clutch at my chest. The heavy weight of guilt and anxiety over what happened to my brother-in-law claws at my insides in an almost frantic and panicky way.
"Hey, do you remember when we used to come here on holidays with the others?" Katara queries quietly. The unexpectedness of it is enough to stop me from swirling into a full-blown panic attack.
"How can I forget?" I murmur, almost to myself as I unwillingly find myself reminiscing of those times. Before things got so bad.
The woman sighs lightly before unzipping her case. I turn around at the sound and for a moment I watch as she unpacks the case, which is largely empty considering she emptied most of it in the burnt down hotel. Something in a black box catches my eyes and I squint at its familiarity. 'Is that...' I wonder in disbelief as I step forward to crane my head.
Katara must've sensed my nearing presence as she glances up at me, only to blink in surprise at my expression. After a moment, her eyes follow mine and they immediately land on the same box that I'm still staring at. The waterbender reaches forward to slam her suitcase shut, hiding the black box from view. 'So, it is.' My lips part, but no words come out. Mostly because I don't know what to say.
"It's not what you think." Katara mutters after an age.
"It isn't the pendent I gave you then?" I query in bewilderment. She flushes and turns her head away from me.
"No, it is. I meant, I didn't mean to pack it in there. It just kind of tumbled in." The waterbender mumbles. I observe her for a moment before reaching forward to lift back the lid and pick up the black box. Katara's neck snaps back in my direction as she regards me with weary eyes. "What are you doing?" My ex-wife questions as I open the box.
"I haven't seen this thing in ages." I reply as I stare at the water tribe crest as a bout of nostalgia hits me. 'It was probably the first time I ever bought anyone a present.' I reminisce. 'What photos were in here again?' I wonder to myself as I click it open.
My eyes immediately drop to the photo of the two of us wrapped in each other's arms laughing, blissfully unaware of the camera. I frown, unable to recall when this was taken and surprised that I've never seen it before today.
When my eyes shift to the other photo, my heart drops. It's another picture I haven't seen before, but I instantly recognise the face from the numerous amount of photos I saw of the woman back at Hakoda's house. Kya. Sokka's and Katara's mum. She died before I met her. Killed as blackmail to get to me. I was able to get over most of the from what happened, but moments like these, when she appears unexpectedly, still makes my chest squeeze in discomfort.
"Aang?" Katara probes as she rises to her feet and flickers her gaze between me and the pendent. I scrutinise the two photos for a moment more before gently closing it.
"Those are beautiful photos. I can't believe I never asked to see what pictures you chose to put in there." I voice quietly as I offer the necklace back to the waterbender. Katara watches me for a moment before stretching out her hand to take back the old gift. Her eyes briefly drop to the intricate design before she glimpses back at me.
"Yeah, they are, but I haven't worn it in years." Katara utters as she closes her hands around the locket. I give her a sad smile.
"I'm not surprised." I say as I turn away from her.
"You have one too." I go still at her comment and subconsciously reach to my chest where I can feel the bulge of my locket under my clothes.
"Good eye." I mumble. I hear her approach me from behind before she enters my line of vision.
"You never had one before." Katara notes as she pauses to stand beside me. I drop my hand from my shirt.
"No. I was given it as a gift from some person I met on my travels." I explain haltingly.
"Did you put photos in it?" The waterbender queries lightly. I resist the urge to glance at her.
"Yeah." I mumble. Katara hums back before moving to return to her suitcase. I blink twice and turn to watch her in surprise at the certain absence of a follow up question. The waterbender must've felt my eyes on her as she flickers her gaze to meet mine before promptly looking elsewhere.
"What?" She utters self-consciously as she lowers her hands which holds a blue blouse. I shake my head.
"Nothing." I lie as I move to head towards the bathroom.
A/N: Yep, yep…I wont lie my own heart was aching as I was reading this back and editing like gosh and I was the one who wrote this lol, so hope you guys are doing ok XD It's heavy, but it was something I wanted to touch on and I hope I managed to pull at those heart strings of yours XD So, things are messy. I haven't finished writing this story, but I do believe this is prob the most angsty chapters of the story, still more angst to come ofc! But this is defo the biggest one. I told myself that I'll stick solely or mostly to Katara's POV, but I thought for this chapter it really needed to be in Aang's POV, so this is one of few chapters where we have that.
Gonna try to update this time next week, since nothing should be stopping me now XD Again let me know your thoughts, esp on this chapter because I had so much fun writing it XD and see you all next time!
30/3/24