chapter 37:
Alexhander could not find sleep as he laid naked in his bed. He was still dumbfound at the turn of events. Kara's kiss had astonished him. Let me be yours, whispered in his ear had made him shudder. He had pulled back dazed. " Are you sure this is what you want?", he had asked. She had answered by kissing him again softly. He signed quickly for his shadows to lock the door and gave in to her touch.
They had been timid in their approach of each other at first. It was as if they transgressed on every rule defining friendship. It was frightening in what it might destroy. Yet, it was also exciting to break the limits of what they had allowed themselves until then. The shadow summoner was well aware it might not happen again. Kara could reevaluate her decision in the morning and ask that they step back into their previous roles. In that case, he was determined to enjoy every second of these special circumstances. The moment started bittersweet. They both seeked comfort from recent pains. Kara was still grieving the loss of Seraphine and the general mourned the loss of his comrades. Their kisses lingered and they were fond of gentle touches. As if to peel away they pain, they delayed the actual lovemaking and took the time for their souls to meet and forget everything else.
Alexhander had been with many women prior to this moment. Lovemaking had become quite unsurprising. His partners relished the flush of energy that came from him being an amplifier. They gasped at the rush of power, the tingling sensation through their skin. It was all too easy to make another Grisha live an extraordinary experience. And often, he felt dissatisfied, as the all too powerful rush of Small Science made his partners unfocused and disconnected from him. He had never made love to an otkazat'ya before. There was no pulse of magic to the touch of their skin and yet his pulse quickened under the brush of her fingertips. There was no rush of Small Science and yet he was left breathless. He drowned in the softness of her skin, the smell of her hair and the color of her eyes. The most intriguing and earth-shattering experience was the way she was WITH him. It was as if all the other solid components of the room dissolved into thin air. It was just the two of them. He found the absence of Small Science humbling and were grounded and present for each other. When they were done and their bodies lied hot and trembling, he was left speechless. Saints, he thought, it's one of those first times I've been waiting for... like an astronomer finally seeing his comet.
Kara had smiled her cheeks flushed and had kissed him tenderly. What have you done, his mind reproached him. This woman might just become vital to you. What ever happened to keeping your distance? To his surprise, Kara had gently slipped out of the bed covers and begun to dress. His body tensed, her absence already missed. What was that drop in the pit of his stomach? Did she regret what had transpired? She turned around once her uniform back on and he whispered, " Was it a mistake?". Kara's eyes softened, " Of course not. It was wonderful. I hope to do this again". The knot in his stomach lessened. She sat by him in the bed, " Yurii is barely adjusting. I need to go back to my room before he worries". She hesitated, " Alexhander, I know this is too early to put words to define this newness between us. Can we just take as it it for the moment? My mind is unsettled by recent events and I need to find my place between my role as a mother, my ward and my lessons. I'll come back to you once I am ready". The shadow summoner nodded slowly. She had thanked him and left.
He was now left staring at his ceiling, the reality of the situation dawning on him. Of all the interactions they had had together he had found himself to be kinder than he thought. When she required help, he could do nothing but to provide it. It confounded him. What was it about her? He had always been reticent to any interactions with the non-gifted. For the most part, trusting was an ill experience. And yet...it was so easy with her. He found himself trying to relive the night in his mind. He was searching for the relics of her smell in his bed, mourning the loss of warmth of his sheets. He craved her presence. Her absence felt like the loss of a fullness he had not experienced in ages. He remembered that Kara had spoken of a secret place she would share with him if he trusted her. Did he want to take the risk? Would he say yes to her proposed escapade even if blindfolded? He already knew the answer.
Irina felt ill. There was no other explanation to the sensation of tearing in her chest as she saw the healer leave the general's quarters in the early morning. She had stood in the hallway to his rooms, hesitant to make another attempt at winning him over again. Now, she knew it could not be. He had found company with another. For weeks she had refused the idea that he desired the healer. He had broken with her on the basis of a pretend relationship to protect the woman from a lustful king. Now, she knew it was more than that. How could he? She was beautiful, young, powerful. Despite that, he chose a woman who was plain, close to her thirties and with not a drop of Small Science in her blood. Her self-loathing and lack of comprehension was maddening. The equation did not work. He deserved MORE. He was making a terrible mistake and she would have to show him the error of his choice.
Kara had just finished her lesson in town and had left her students to go back to the Small Palace. She needed to sort the remaining belongings of Seraphine as her room needed to be made available for another. everything had fit into a small bag and Kara made her way slowly through the city. She had received a message slipped under her door. After bringing Yurii to school, she had read the message on her way to her back. The message was short but had made her smile.
Are you still willing to show me your secret-place? I believe we are two days away from Sankta Marat. I accept your conditions.
So, he had decided to trust her in the end. She had scribbled a quick reply, setting a meeting after diner on the eve of her event. They had distance to travel to meet their destination and they had to get there shortly after midnight or miss the occasion. She pushed away the strange observation she had made. The paper slipped under her door was quite wrinkled and some of the folds indicated that the paper had been slipped once, pulled back and slipped under the door again. Could he have hesitated? Or did someone else read the note before placing it back? She decided it did not matter.
The elderly woman was waiting for her it seemed at a corner of the market place. She had been staring quite impolitely for some piercing yellow eyes were frightening and her long white hair quite distinctive. She was all dressed in black. Baghra was irritated to have been summoned by a water summoner, a rejected conquest it seemed whining that her son had fallen for an ungifted wench. A decade ago, she had retired to a house in the woods to be left alone. Coexisting with her son was not an easy matter and she often needed distance for several years before meeting up again. However she always kept her ears open to whispers. A young Grisha had appeared early, a day ago, sputtering something about her son meddling with an otkazat'ya. Her son?! How could he lower himself to a lesser being? At first she was irritated by the summoner's visit yet she decided she needed to meet this healer who had caught her child's attention.
Kara arrived level with the woman who barred her path. The healer hesitated " You are staring mam", she said. Baghra adjusted her dark shawl, " Should a mother not be interested in those close to her son?". Kara was puzzled and then it dawned on her. Oh saints, she thought. " you are general Kirigan's mother, " she whispered. The old woman smiled coldly, " I believe we need to have a little chat. Walk with me". There was no way of refusing the woman's order. Her tone was commanding. Kara followed her at a safe distance. " Tell me. Why is an otkazat'ya, an orphan from the north, interested in a shadow summoner, head of the second army?". The healer stiffened, " My name is KARA." The woman in black chuckled, " Oh, so you have character. good. I am Baghra. Pray we never have to meet again". They had walked away from the commotion of the market and moved to a more secluded pathway. The street grew suddenly dark and Kara's heart pounded. So the mother has the same form of Small Science as her son, thought the healer. The darkness cut them off from the rest of town in a dead end. Baghra dusted off a nearby crate and sat. " I do not wish for my son to hear of this conversation. We cannot be overheard this way". The old woman's eyes sparkled, " you have not answered my question". The healer did not like to be held hostage. She answered coldly, " I do not believe you have any right to prying. We enjoy each other's company. That is all". Baghra waved a crooked finger, " Tut tut. Do not lie to me. Enjoying each other's company does not explain why my son would go out of his way to protect you or come to your aid". Kara was appalled. How could she know? Someone must have prattled. She crossed her arms to her chest, hiding her trembling hands " I do not know your son's intentions. You will have to see that with him. for my part, he is a friend". Baghra narrowed her eyes, " My son does not have friends. He cannot risk it".
Suddenly Baghra rose sharply and yanked Kara's arm. The healer gasped at the strength of such thin and crooked hands. The grisha held fast and closed her eyes. A second passed, then two. The shadow summoner's yellow orbs were puzzled. " How strange...", she whispered. She let go of the healer lost in thought. Kara rubbed her sore wrist. Her heart hammered. " What is strange?", she whispered. The Grisha adjusted a few stray hair, nervously. " Every living cell resonates to Small Science. Even an otkazat'ya's cells SHOULD buzz softly in the present of an amplifier." Kara continued to rub her wrist, " I don't understand". Baghra hissed, " Neither do I! Your flesh does not give off ANYTHING when I touch it. It SHOULD. It is in the natural order of things". Kara could not explain the chill running through her back. A far off echo of a memory trying to come forward but that was too ancient history to come. The healer dared to ask a question, " What does it mean?". The shadow summoner was not listening. She had a far off look and mumbled to herself, " I've only heard of this in stories...but it cannot be". Her gaze shifted again and became sharp, " I do not understand what you are but I want you to stay away from my son. He is not who you think he is." The darkness grew thicker and closed in. Kara's heart was painfully tight. Her voice quivered" Is that a threat or a warning?". The shadow summoner chuckled, " Oh it's a warning. I could kill you here and now but I will not. Not yet. Not until I can fully grasp what it is you are. In the meantime, do not fall for my son. He will hurt you. It's only a question of time". The healer shuddered and backed away until the wall behind her braced her spine. She tried to look brave, " Why would you care what happens to me?". The grisha snapped her fingers and the darkness around them subsided. She smiled sadly, " I am merely trying to avoid any collateral damage. Heed my warning girl".
The woman vanished into the crowd. Kara's knees buckled and she found herself trembling on all fours like a frightened doe. Saints, She thought, that woman is terrifying. The darkness that had been around them had been of a different texture than the few times Alexhander had summoned his shadows. She had felt anger or warmth through his Small Science but never had she felt such coldness. Like the edge of a knife waiting to be used. Baghra's shadows had felt opaque and felt like death approaching. Kara feared what Alexhander's opponents must feel if he could summon as his mother. She prayed she would never have to see him in action. He is not who you think he is, Baghra has said. Kara crawled to the crate and heaved her body to a sitting position, her skin sweating. Her mind was on fire and screamed, RUN...RUN...RUN