Brienne remembered that she'd left in her father's study the book she was reading lately, so when she had almost reached her bedroom, she had no other choice but retrace her steps. Reading helped her distract her mind and made it easier to fall asleep, and she hoped that it would do the trick that night as well, though she doubted it. She wasn't even sure that she would be able to focus on the book when the thoughts about Ser Jaime and what had happened that day didn't stop rolling around in her head.
She felt bad for having put an abrupt end at their afternoon together, kept her distance with him, and practically avoided him at dinner. She'd let her issues and fears take possession of her and it had been unfair to Ser Jaime, who had been nothing but polite, considerate, funny and the most stimulating company she'd had since Renly's visit for the disastrous ball.
And to make matters worse, her father must have sensed something going on. The rare times he came out of his shell, he was a sharp observer and few things escaped his notice.
Brienne headed for her father's study with the intention of retrieving her book. It was one of her favorites, by the way; her mother used to read it aloud for her when she was little and it helped soothe her to sleep. Brienne sometimes read excerpts from it at bedtime and it invariably worked its magic. It was like having her mother lying in bed next to her again, telling the tales from that worn-out volume with her sweet voice.
But when she got close to the door, it was her father's low voice that greeted her from the other side, speaking sternly. I know what you're thinking. That I imposed shit matches on my own daughter, and I admit my mistake. I won't ever try to force her anymore to do antyhing she doesn't want to do, including marriage. I blame myself for having made my girl suffer for that reason, and I've stopped attempting to find her a husband. He did a pause in which he must be allowing Ser Jaime to digest his words. So I've left her free to decide by herself. That doesn't mean that I don't have a say in her choices, if I consider that she doesn't choose wisely, but in the end, the last word is hers. I only aim to protect her in any way I can. And Ser, I must tell you that I won't allow you to toy with her or dishonor her only to cast her aside when you grow tired of her. If your intentions aren't honest, then you can go on your way. My Brienne is worth much more than that. She's worth a true man who loves and values her as she deserves. I won't accept less than that. She's been badly hurt, also and especially because of my actions unfortunately, and I want to make amends to her.
Brienne felt her cheeks burning and a stab of annoyance as well as a surge of affection for her meddling father, but also embarrassment and a great discomfort on Ser Jaime's behalf. But why were they discussing all that? Had Ser Jaime said something concerning her? Or was it just her father's sense of protectiveness? My point is, Ser Jaime, that if you aren't that man for her, then fuck off from here before you break her heart. Anyway, our house is just a vassal. Your father would never consent to such a match if you're interested in Brienne to that extent. So, to sum it up, your presence here might become most inconvenient and unwelcome, unless you keep your distance and don't give her false hope. She is easily impressionable and has a kind heart. I wouldn't take kindly to you breaking it. Have I made myself clear, Ser Jaime? By the seven hells! She knew that her father had no qualms in telling off anyone who he considered that deserved the scolding, but the way he'd spoken to a member of a Great House no less, who also happened to be their guest... However, Ser Jaime had remained silent for a while, and when he replied, it was in the most respectful tone. Understood, my lord. I respect Lady Brienne and it's not my intention to harm her, or to do anything that might lead to hurting her in any way, I swear. He said it as neutrally as he could, but she believed that she caught a hint of regret in it, though she must be imagining it, surely. Does he wish to get closer to me, as I wish to get closer to him? Her unbidden thoughts made her heart beat so fast that she almost didn't hear her father's next words. Very well, Ser Jaime. I hope that my good impression of you isn't wrong. Now, if you don't have any questions, you may retire. Gods, Ser Jaime was about to get out of the study and she was right there, eavesdropping like a thief!
She quickly scurried to the nearest room and in her haste, she realized too late that it was the library, but there was no time to change course. When she closed the door silently behind her, the scare of a curious pair of eyes staring at her almost made her heart jump out of her chest. Her father had suggested Lord Tyrion to pay a visit to the library, and of course he was there, to her damned luck.
"My lady! What's happened?," he asked in concern, having been rudely interrupted from his task of reading a heavy volume.
"Shhh, please, lower your voice," Brienne urged as silently as possible, wishing for the ground to swallow her. The situation was so embarrassing and ridicule that she was on the verge of laughing hysterically. "No one must know that I'm here." At those words, Lord Tyrion raised his eyebrows with an amused glint in his eyes. "Oh, no," Brienne groaned. "What if he comes here? I must hide somewhere," she panicked, looking frantically around for a place where she might disappear into.
"Who?," Lord Tyrion asked in confusion, in a low voice.
"Your brother," Brienne informed, also in a whisper, tiptoing hurriedly to one of the heavy reading desks, with the intention of squeezing herself under it.
"Why? What's happened? Have you two had a fight or something?" He looked thoroughly puzzled, but Brienne didn't have time for explanations. The situation was completely bizarre, and it would have been comical if she weren't in such a rush to make herself scarce.
"Shhh, please, shut up. He mustn't hear us talking!," Brienne pleaded, squeezing herself under the desk furthest to the one Lord Tyrion was sitting at.
He complied, luckily. When a couple of minutes had passed with no one barging into the library, she sighed in relief and got out of her improvised hideout. Gods, she must be the flashing image of ridiculousness and madness. "I'm... I'm sorry, my lord, for my odd behavior." She covered her face with her hands, and she felt tempted to return to the relative security of the desk, where she would be out of Lord Tyrion's inquiring sight at least. "What must you be thinking of me?"
He gave a soft snort and chuckled. "Believe me, my lady, I've found myself in far stranger predicaments. You'd need much more than that to make me worry for your sanity," he joked, and for some odd reason, she felt better. The youngest Lannister had the rare trait of making her feel safe. Strange indeed, when he's just over half my height. "May I help you somehow with whatever is troubling you, my lady?," he offered honestly.
"Thank you, but I doubt that anyone can help me. It's... complicated." How could she confide all that was troubling her precisely to the brother of the man who was the reason for her concerns? He no doubt would go and tell Ser Jaime, it was only natural, they seemed very close to each other.
"If it's any consolation to you, my brother is the only person I truly love in this world, and he's the one with the biggest heart I know. And when he loves, he does it fiercely, devotedly, loyally and endlessly. I think only a great betrayal, disappointment or open indifference from the subject of his affections would be able to wither his love. With all this, I mean to say that he's a person you can trust with your heart and your life, my lady. You can trust that he'll move heaven and earth for you. He fucks up sometimes like everyone does, but his heart is in the right place, if that's what's troubling you. And if you're the woman for him, he'll find his way to you. I'm aware it sounds impossible and that life is not a fairy tale. But I know my brother and if you saw him as I do, your fears would be quite assuaged, my lady." Her heart melted at those words but her pragmatic inner voice compelled her to argue. However he, sensing her conflict, lifted his hand, asking her silently to let him continue. "Yes, my father is out there, and everything looks as much an insurmountable obstacle as the Wall. It's shit, I admit. But who knows, life is full of surprises. In any case, Jaime can be a great friend and ally if nothing else."
Brienne was staring at the small teenager in front of her in wonder. "You're very wise for your age, my lord. Too wise for your own good, I'd daresay," she complimented with a smile. She went on feeling absurdly better.
"That's what everyone around me says," he bragged in tease, smiling back.
"I... I ignore why I feel so bewildered. I've only met him today, for the gods' sake. And this is all terribly improper," she tried to excuse herself and apologize for her behavior.
He waved a hand in dismissal. "Oh, it's perfectly normal. That's the effect us, the Lannister brothers, use to have on people." Brienne had the impression that he often spoke half seriously, half in joke, and she rolled her eyes. "We're both devastatingly attractive, and you've just met us for the first time. Your reaction is understandable." Now he was openly jesting again and her next eyeroll was even more exaggerated than the previous one.
Then she became serious again. "Please, don't tell him about this encounter. I'd die of embarrassment. And he might suspect that I've accidentally eavesdropped..." Brienne covered her mouth with her hand, opening her eyes wide. What did she believe she was she doing, revealing that to Lord Tyrion? "Oh, I'm sorry... Forget I said that, please. Oh, seven hells."
By then, his eyebrows had reached his hairline and the mischief in his green eyes reminded her so much of Jaime's. "My, my, Lady Brienne. So what kind of improper behavior have you been involved in lately? It sounds juicily scandalous."
"Oh, shut up." At the realization that she'd just told off that other annoying Lannister, she covered her mouth with both hands, blushing deep red. "You Lannisters are going to be the death of me, I'm sure. Well, good... good night, Lord Tyrion. And forgive me for my scandalous behavior," she hurried to apologize, though when she turned around, she was trying to hide a traitorous smile.
"Nothing to forgive, my lady. You should see me in my worst behavior."
Brienne opened the door cautiously and, after making sure that the coast was clear, she scurried into the corridor, hearing a soft chuckle behind her.
Definitely, he was very much like Jaime.
And she chastised herself because since when was he just Jaime in her mind, without the title Ser?