JENNIE
Two and a Half Months Ago . . .
"Wow."
"Yeah."
"Huh."
"I know."
"I'm…wow."
"You're not helping."
"I know, I know. Just…let me breathe it in for five seconds," she chastises. Alison pinches the bridge of her nose. Tweaks her eyes closed. Then snaps them open. The intensity slices into me. "I don't understand why you're hesitating, Jennie."
"What?" This is her advice? After "breathing it in" for all of five seconds? It killed me to say it but I told Lisa last night I needed to think about this for a few days. She was disappointed, I could tell. God, it hurt to see her hurt. But she's had months to come to terms and I just got blindsided about twelve hours ago. Twelve hours with no sleep accompanied now by a raging headache. It still stings that she was sneaking around behind my back. Blatantly lying about why she was making trips out of town. In truth, it pains me she didn't trust me with this sooner. But I guess I kinda deserve that.
Alison powers around our work surface covered with white flour and dough chunks and grabs me by the shoulders. "Yeah, I mean she's right. You need to get out of this place."
"I don't—"
"Yeah, you don't. That's part of the problem, Jennie." That sigh coming out of her mouth is deep and thoughtful. Oh, and did I mention fucking irritating? Grabbing my hands, she drags me over to two plastic chairs lined against the wall. She shoves me in one and whips the other around so we're face-to-face, knee-to-knee.
"You've come a long way, Jen. You have. You've finally found a way to let that asshole go and to make a life with Lisa. And even with your dad's death, you're still bright and glowing and happier than I've seen you in…honestly…ever. I give you all the credit for that because only you can make you happy. But while you've put all that focus on Lisa, Hanbin's still breathing in the background. And that breath is toxic, Jen. It's fucking poison. It will slowly strangle you and you won't even know it because you can't see it and you can't smell it and you can't taste it until it's too late."
She pauses to drag in some air before starting again. "I don't know what Hanbin's story is and quite frankly, I don't give the fucks of a farmer's dozen. But there is one thing I do know."
Alison lowers her chin and raises her brows so her eyes stay glued to mine.
"What?" I say in a snarky tone, tired of her theatrics.
"He's biding his time until he can get you back."
I start shaking my head. I don't believe that's true. If Hanbin wanted me back, I wouldn't be sitting here discussing uprooting my entire existence and moving it for another person. I'd be married to him. "I don't—"
"Ah, ah, ah." She squishes her sticky finger into my lips, shutting me up.
"Hey!" I shove her dirty hand away and rub my mouth, frowning at the blackberry jam now smearing my chin.
"Again, that's your problem, Jennie. You always 'don't.' Do for once. Do," she emphasizes.
"Do," I repeat more to myself than her.
"Yeah. Do."
I stare at my lifelong friend who is telling me to pack up and move away from the only place I've known like it's just that simple. And I suppose to Alison, it is. She always makes complicated decisions sound so rational and easy.
On the other hand, though, I think I always make them too hard.