Kagome's tired eyes scanned the blank parchment sheet before her. It had been a fortnight since their arrival at Western Shiro, and this was the first time she had a moment to herself. The days following the fire had been a blur, her body running on pure adrenaline. Glimpsing out of the parted shoji doors, she gazed into the royal gardens, where moonlight cast a serene glow over the blooming foliage. Despite the unforgiving winter, the flora was still vibrant and healthy, thanks to an enchantment that sheltered them from the harsh snow.
The journey West had been difficult, especially for Rin. Guilt had consumed the young girl, and she was only able to find solace in Shippo's embrace each night after making camp. Even Masaru seemed unusually morose, keeping silent watch over them each night. Kagome assumed he felt just as culpable but unlike Rin did not want to let it show. No matter how much the priestess tried to console them saying that sometimes things happen out of our control, it fell on deaf ears. Only time would be able to achieve what she could not.
Thanks to Shippo's fox magic, they were able to shrink what was left of their belongings that had been protected by the barrier, and pack them into Kagome's backpack. After a week-long trek through the Western territory, the weary group finally arrived at the stronghold.
It was decided that Kagome would stay in the Shiro as Rin's caretaker and tutor. This arrangement worked for Kagome as she had already been doing this job for years, so it was not a lie. Masaru seemed insistent that for now she did not wear Sesshoumaru's haori or leave the family wing within the inner palace.
The following week was spent reassuring Rin that Sesshoumaru would not punish her and that she was not to blame for anything. They also agreed that someone from the Shiro would retrieve Momo and the other chickens for Rin, and they would allow Shippo to sleep in the adjoining room to the young teen's until he went back to school.
A light breeze swept through the garden and into Kagome's room, bringing the scent of wildflowers and earth. Having a room to herself felt strange and the eerie silence was unnerving. There were no soft puffs of breath from Rin, light snores from Shippo, or clucks and flutters from chickens.
Kagome rose slowly from her seated position and made her way to the parted doors. As she reached out to close them, a strange sensation began to stir deep within her chest. It felt like a call to leave her lonely quarters and venture into the world outside. She hesitated for a moment; her hand still outstretched towards the door. The urge grew stronger, and she found herself taking a small step, then another, until she was standing outside, under the night sky.
She walked towards the bridge and her eyes fixed on the koi fish swimming gracefully in the water below. The moonlight danced on the surface of the pond, casting a soft glow on the fish as they swam. Kagome stood there for a while, mesmerized by the beauty of the scene before her. The gentle sound of the water flowing beneath the bridge, the cool breeze on her face, and the peacefulness of the moment all felt wrong. Kagome's chest felt constricted, like a snake was slowly coiling around her lungs. She gasped for air, clawing at the dark blue obi that was binding her white and blue yukata tightly. As she struggled, the obi finally gave way and fell around her feet. But even as she freed herself, she couldn't shake off the feeling of the walls surrounding the inner palace closing in around her. With a sense of desperation, Kagome abandoned her top layer and ran along the path leading to the forest.
As Kagome came to a halt, she leaned forward and placed her hands on her knees while her ebony hair billowed around her. The winter air outside the gardens and rustling of bare branches were a welcome relief, and she breathed deeply, feeling the tightness in her chest slowly easing. Lifting her head back up, she saw a large snow covered weeping willow tree in the distance. It almost appeared to have a luminous quality to it as flashes of gold peeked out with each brush of the breeze.
Kagome's footsteps were light as she approached the towering giant. The snow beneath her feet yielded to her weight, leaving behind delicate imprints. The soft fabric of her tabis and the flowing white nagajuban she wore were both soaked by the cold ground. As she drew closer, she reached out to push aside the low hanging shoots that dripped from the willow's crown, their droplets like tiny diamonds shining in the moon light. Beyond the veil of branches, Kagome found herself transported to a mystical realm with a warm glow and magic that she had never experienced before. The air was thick with the scent of blooming flowers, and the ground was carpeted with a soft, velvety moss that cushioned her every step. Each long-sweeping branch sparkled with tiny buds giving off a soft yellow light that illuminated the covered oasis.
She found solace under the tree's embrace, unlike the confinement of her gilded cage inside the Shiro walls. The mental barricades she had carefully built up over time were beginning to fracture with each deep breath. Before long Kagome's breathing became faster and more erratic until she fell to her knees and something inside her shattered.
The silence of the grove was broken by a gut-wrenching scream that seemed to emanate from the very depths of Kagome's soul. As she thought back to that dreadful night, her heart pounded with fear, and her breaths came in short gasps. It wasn't just the material possessions that she had almost lost; it was the very people she had come to love as her own.
Kagome had taken in Rin, the daughter of a demon lord, and the girl had become like a daughter to her as well. The mere thought of what might have happened if her protective barrier had given way and Rin had not survived sent shivers down Kagome's spine. Sesshoumaru, who had entrusted her with the girl's care, would have been devastated, and Kagome would have felt like a failure.
The there was young Shippo, who had already suffered the loss of his parents once before, would have been left alone again. The thought of leaving his family behind in their moment of need would have haunted the kit forever.
She shook uncontrollably as tears trickled down her face leaving watery trails on her puffy cheeks. Trembling hands covered her face, trying to muffle the sound of her sobs, as she gasped for air between cries. Would Sesshoumaru blame her for the blaze that nearly took his daughter's life? Will he lose trust in her and send her away now that Rin was back home?
There was still a chance that she would never see Sesshoumaru again, that their correspondences were nothing more than a distraction for him from the harsh realities of war. The thought made her feel sick to her stomach. Was this all just some cruel game to him? A way to pass the time, to make her believe that he wanted her, only to toss her aside when he returned.
As she struggled to hold back a second wave of sobs, Kagome's eyes grew heavy and she fell to the ground, cushioned by the soft and damp earth covered in a thick layer of moss. The tears now flowed freely down her cheeks, staining her weary face and tangled hair. She lay there for what felt like an eternity, still and silent, before her breathing finally began to slow, and she found a small glimmer of peace amidst the chaos of her mind.
Just as the first rays of dawn peeked over the horizon, Kagome stirred from her sleep. She sat up and gently removed twigs and flower petals from her tangled hair, taking in the sight of her dirt-covered clothes. Despite waking under the beautiful, enchanted willow tree, she felt a hollow and empty inside. With a heavy heart, she rose to her feet and made her way out of the shelter. The snow-covered ground outside revealed her footprints from the night before, leading her back towards the palace grounds.
As Kagome approached the koi pond and began cleansing herself, she suddenly paused when she caught a glimpse of her own reflection. To her surprise, she wasn't looking at Kagome or Kikyo, but at a stranger. The person staring back at her had a thin and pale face, with vacant ink blue eyes that seemed to lack any kind of emotion. Her dark hair hung around her in a tangled mess, looking dull and lackluster. Kagome couldn't believe what she was seeing - this empty shell of a person in the reflection was supposed to be her.
The sound of footsteps brought the priestess from her thoughts, and she looked up to find Masaru nearing. On his way to meet her, he stopped on the wooden bridge and picked up the garments Kagome had left behind the previous night. "Lady Kagome, what are you doing out here so early?" he asked.
Kagome stood on unsteady feet and gently took her clothing from the lieutenant. She gave him a cheerful smile and explained, "I couldn't sleep so decided to take a stroll through the gardens. Rin and Shippo will be up soon so I should get inside and make sure the baths will be ready after they have breakfast." With one last forced smile, she walked past Masaru and headed towards her room.
The dog demon watched the priestess's retreating form, taking notice of her the dirt and grass stained tabi socks and nagajuban.