Okay so that was exciting. This chapter ended up being a wee bit heavier than I planned. Apparently, Edward had a lot to get off his chest. But we love him because he just wants Bella and Carlisle to smoochy kiss and have true love! Sorry. Can you tell I've been watching a lot of Bluey of late?

The song for this chapter is You Say by Lauren Daigle. I used the Piano Guys cover.

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Disclaimer: I'm only doing this for a friend. I don't get anything from it but her undying appreciation. I certainly don't get to have fun with Emmett and the boys in my head.

Chapter Fourteen: You Say

CPOV

When I pulled up to the house after work, I could hear the melodic sounds of an expertly played piano in the house. I smiled, relieved and elated to have Edward and Esme back with us. I climbed out of my car and hurried into the house, sitting on the piano bench next to Edward as he played.

"I've missed your music," I told him quietly and he smirked. "Tell me how your first day back was. How was it being so close to Bella? Did you apologize for scaring her?" He was unperturbed by the rapid fire of questions, even smiling when I asked about his apology.

"I did meet her. And I did apologize. Being so close to her was… nearly unbearable. What burning alive must feel like, I imagine."

"If it's that painful to resist her, we shouldn't be forcing you to be near her," I chastised as I worried not only about his comfort but also her safety.

"I said nearly unbearable, Carlisle. Give me a little credit. Knowing who she is to our family… to you… it grounds me. She blushed while we were talking and I hadn't been expecting that. But I imagined what would happen to you if I lost control and it saved me long enough to leave and clear my head." I remembered how deliciously beautiful she was when she blushed, her blood rising to the surface of her cheeks and warming them, pulsing. "Gee thanks, that helps so much," Edward said sarcastically, drawing me from my thoughts.

Sorry, that was cruel of me, I thought contritely. He shrugged.

"It's something I will have to learn to overcome. I'll just have to try not to embarrass her too much."

I'm afraid that might not be enough. Bella is quite prone to blushing. He smirked at me and waggled his eyebrows.

"That's probably because you're around, old man," he teased and I rolled my eyes at him.

Did her thoughts give you that impression, I asked him, unable to hide the hopefulness that colored my thoughts at the idea that she might have been thinking about me when I wasn't there. His smirk fell away instantly and he glared at the piano. What is it? Did her thoughts upset you?

"That's the thing, Carlisle. I didn't hear any thoughts from her." I immediately stilled.

Nothing at all?

"Nothing. At first, I thought that perhaps she merely spoke her thoughts as she had them. But clearly that isn't the case. She's not shallow and empty-headed. And it became obvious that she considers things carefully. I was teasing her about the likelihood of our becoming friends and it's like the joy was sucked out of her. She went quiet and somber. When I asked her about it, she straight up lied to me."

Is it possible that Alice is wrong and that she isn't as fond of us as we thought?

"No. Alice's visions are clear. And I asked Jasper about Bella's feelings, especially around us, and he said that she already loves all of us. Well maybe not me. But she loves my siblings and she definitely loves you." I immediately warmed at the thought, my chest filling with corresponding adoration until I imagined that if Edward touched me, I'd feel positively human. His playing slowed, growing melancholy. "Carlisle, you clearly love her as much as she loves you. Maybe even more. So why do you insist on hurting not only yourself, but her as well by denying the both of you the love that you so clearly deserve?"

I won't steal her life and freedoms from her, Edward. I saved you at your dying mother's behest. I knew Esme. Rosalie had been brutalized and there isn't a day that goes by that I'm not reminded that immortality is not the choice she would have made. That's why I changed Emmett, to atone for making that choice for her. Bella is young, incredibly so. She has her whole life ahead of her; options, opportunities, the potential for a long and happy life. Changing her, stealing that future from her for nothing more than my own selfish motivations would be cruel, criminally so. Not to mention the fact that should her immortality ever end, I would have doomed her to purgatory. He stopped playing and spun to face me, lifting his leg over the bench to straddle it.

"That is the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard cross your lips, Carlisle Cullen," he said angrily and my eyebrows shot up at the use of such coarse language with me. "Oh, don't be so pious. You seem to forget that I have been with you the longest, that I know your innermost thoughts and feelings, even the ones you refuse to give voice to. I know what you were hoping Esme would be and I know that when I came home after you changed her and it became clear what we were to each other, it broke you." I opened my mouth to argue but he held up a finger warningly. "You would never admit it and you would certainly never begrudge me the happiness that you so desperately wanted to experience yourself but we both know you thought it, even when you tried not to. Esme and I have agonized over the pain we caused you especially as the years have passed and you've been without love. We hoped that maybe you changed Rosalie… Well, obviously you didn't and that isn't what she means to you. But do you really think that any of us, even Rosalie, resent you for this life and family that you have built for us?"

She has regrets. Resentments.

"Yes, she does, to an extent. But if you hadn't changed her, she would have never found Emmett. That certainly outweighs the things she feels were taken from her. And while you might not realize this, because you can't read her mind, a lot of her anger stems from the unresolved trauma that that cretin of a fiance inflicted on her. Revenge or no, it doesn't change the fact that he betrayed her monstrously and murdering him didn't bring her the satisfaction or peace that she hoped it would."

"I don't think that any of that was yours to share," I quietly scolded him but he just shrugged it off.

"Rosalie loves Bella," he continued. "It's more than just that she finds her amusing or peculiar or even that we all know who she is supposed to be to you. She genuinely cares for her. After hearing the thoughts of this family after meeting and spending time with her, I can tell you that every single one of them would do whatever it takes to protect her and make her happy. It feels almost supernatural. If your gift in this immortal life is compassion, she is perfectly matched to you. We all want so desperately for you to be happy, Carlisle. Not the unfulfilled happiness you have convinced yourself is all you deserve, where you try to find enough satisfaction in your work to compensate for the emptiness you feel when you come home to a house full of mated vampires: real happiness. Fulfillment that comes from having your other half to fill every crevasse in your heart and soul. Bella is that person for you and you belittle her importance when you pretend that your feelings, and hers by association, are insignificant enough to walk away from. Did you ever think that by denying yourself, you are also denying her the happiness she is entitled to?" I felt guilt bloom at his suggestion, my mind and body instantly rebelling at the thought of Bella suffering at all. "We don't have any control over who we fall in love with," he whispered. "If we did, you know I wouldn't have stolen Esme away from you." I recoiled from him as if he'd slapped me before placing my hands on his shoulders as he stared dejectedly at the piano bench.

"You didn't steal her from me. She was always yours to begin with," I reassured him. He looked up at me and the angst and guilt shining in his eyes nearly undid me.

"You had your hopes, Carlisle. I dashed those completely when I returned and what's worse is that you were forced to be near us afterwards and you forced your feelings aside and encouraged us. And then we made it even worse when I tried to quit this life you so selflessly gave to me and Esme came with me. You were alone, Carlisle! For four years! I did things during that time that I will always regret. The first human life that I took was Esme's abusive husband. I didn't even tell her until after I'd done it! But there is nothing that eats me alive more than knowing that after you had spent centuries without a family, we just left you high and dry. I'm still not convinced that you didn't change Rosalie because you were afraid we'd leave you again!" I was completely taken aback by his confession. I'd never known that he had killed Esme's husband, Charles. It broke me to know that even with his ability to know what I was thinking in the most private recesses of my mind, I hadn't convinced him how much I didn't resent him and Esme's brief period away from me.

Of course it had been debilitating when he and Esme left. Edward was my son, my first real companion in this life and this peculiar lifestyle. Esme was a partner, a sister but also a real friend, as close to me as Edward was. When he'd announced that he didn't want this life -my life -and Esme couldn't bear to be separated from him, I'd been crushed. Feeling abandoned and betrayed, I'd turned to medicine to try and fill the void their absence left. Unsurprisingly, it hadn't worked. There were too many hours in the day, especially when one couldn't sleep, to avoid the constant knowledge that I wasn't enough, this life wasn't enough for my family. Normally, our kind felt the passing of time fairly quickly. Four years was nearly the blink of an eye to someone who had been around for centuries but not this time. I felt every passing day acutely.

When they'd returned, I had done my best to hide how deep the hurt went. I'd put the past behind me and only expressed my love and concern for them. Edward's transition from murdering humans to returning to our alternative diet had been fraught with emotion and struggle. He knew what he was missing when he fed on animals now. But he'd persisted, driven by the desire to retain his humanity. He hadn't had an accident since then. Until Bella, he hadn't even really been tempted by the humans he was surrounded by on a daily basis. I had vowed on his return to hide the pain and ruin he'd left behind. But I realized now that I hadn't been nearly as secretive as I'd thought. He'd never called me out on it until now but in doing so, he revealed that had spent the last eight decades being eaten up by guilt.

"Edward," I managed to choke out, "I have never blamed you for leaving or taking Esme. The highest freedom I could afford you in this life is the ability to make your own choices."

"But that doesn't change the fact that the choice I made caused you irreparable pain," he murmured.

"Not irreparable. Did it hurt when you left? Yes. I missed you and Esme so very much. But the only part of that experience that is important is that you both came back. That is all I care about. You had your choices after you left me and even though you took a few years to make them, you still chose to return to this family. Just like Alice and Jasper coming to us. It doesn't matter what Jasper did before he came, only that they joined our family." He bit his lip and I sighed and gently gripped the side of his head, forcing him to make eye contact with me. "You shouldn't feel even the slightest hint of guilt, my son. And you certainly shouldn't get drawn into Alice's battles because you feel that you owe me or you must atone for an imaginary slight." He stared into my face and I watched as his face morphed from contrite and tortured to resolved and stubborn.

"No. I'm not doing this because Alice pestered me into or because I think that I owe you for what happened all those years ago. I am doing this because I love you, Carlisle. I refuse to allow you to give up your happy eternity with Bella simply because you have your own demons and hangups that make you believe that somehow you don't deserve to have her. I'm certainly not going to let you lose her because your father convinced you that anything but a perfect human being is doomed to an afterlife of torment and punishment. You are selfless and compassionate and if anyone has earned the divine right to peace in their afterlife, it's you. How do you know that God didn't make Bella specifically for you?" I turned away from him, my throat tight with emotion at the high praise he had bestowed on me.

God doesn't reward the abominations of the earth, I thought sadly and he sighed.

"One day, Carlisle Cullen, you will see yourself the way you are instead of the damned monster you believe yourself to be. Hell, maybe Bella will be the one to finally convince you of your worth. But I swear on my mother's grave that I will do everything in my power to bring you the happiness you deserve," he vowed lowly before turning and beginning to play the piano again, slow and full of sorrow and wistfulness. I watched him, stunned.

"Not to guilt you or anything but I think it hurts Bella that there isn't anything between you two," he said casually and I rolled my eyes.

"If you can't hear her thoughts, how would you possibly know that?"

"When we dropped her off today, she started crying as soon as she was inside the house." My body clenched at the thought of her suffering and it took all of my control not to race from the house to hers and pull her into my arms to comfort her. "Jasper said it was a mix of emotions. Grief, probably for her mother. Frustration which may have been somewhat my fault. She's incredibly observant and she noticed whenever I struggled with her blood. She even asked me if I was on drugs." I snorted out a laugh. "But the most prevailing emotion outside grief was consuming love mixed in an overwhelming longing and despondency. She clearly feels deeply for you. But she already thinks it's hopeless." It felt as though my heart was being pulverized as he spoke but I refused to give into it.

"She'll get over it, over me. She'll move on and find someone wonderful who won't be taking anything from her by loving her."

"No she won't. Whether you like it or not, there will never be anyone for her who consumes her the way you do. You don't think Alice has seen the future based on this stubborn decision you've made. It doesn't end well. For either of you." The pain in my chest worsened and I groaned.

"Alice has been wrong before," I forced out.

"Yes she has. But she's not wrong this time. I'm sorry, Carlisle, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to rebel against you one more time."