The Spooky Spectre
The Phantom looks down upon the world from a spy hole hidden inside a baroque sculpture of a voluptuously reclining nude. Below, he sees a beautiful young woman on the stage, singing like a strangled cat. He immediately falls in love Phantom:
Ok, that chick's voice makes me want to rip my ears off but she sure has a rockin' body. I know, I'll use my mad skillz to teach her how to sing, and then maybe she'll fall in love with me and my face. I'm a man with a plan LATER Christine Daae, the young and beautiful singer is looking at her reflection in the mirror, plucking her eyebrows and wondering if the Vicomte de Chagny will ever notice her. Suddenly, a man in a mask appears inside the mirror. It looks as though she has turned into him! He reaches out and the mirror disappears Christine: Hmmm, Father always told me never to go with strangers. But on the other hand, Father's dead and this phella might be rich and have strong ties in the music business; he does have musical notes on his cravat after all The Phantom leads her down to his lair, or "bachelor pad" as he likes to think of it. They stop at the edge of a mammoth lake Phantom: Yeah, so I'd planned this kidnapping to go real smooth as I'd wanted to impress you but my boat, or canoe if you will, got nicked this morning and I didn't see the bastard that took it. I'm going to have to give you a piggy back across the lake, is that alright? Christine: No worries He hoists her up and runs through the water, making one hell of a noise. Then, he begins to sing Christine: Who is this guy? Count Dracula? No, he didn't have blue eyes… Oh wait, I think he's trying to tell me through song… Phantom: I am your Angel of Music! The Phantom of the Opera! Or Erik, like that Prince in The Little Mermaid, but with a K rather than a C They reach dry land on the other side of the lake and Erik sets Christine down Phantom: Do you want to play on my Pac-Man® machine? Christine: Wow, he's a tasty dish on his left side of face, I wonder what's behind the mask…
SHE PULLS IT OFF
Christine:
Jesus, were you beaten with the ugly stick?! Phantom: Fuck you, you prying bitch! What the hell?! Christine: Handing the mask back Sorry mate Phantom: I'll forgive you if you if you become my wife and stay down here with me…forever Christine: Why are you doing jazz hands when you say "forever"? Phantom: Whatever, you need to go now, I've got work to do Christine: Ok-ay BACK UP IN THE THEATRE Raoul de Chagny bursts into Christine's dressing room, unannounced Christine: Raoul! Raoul: Christine Christine: Raoul Raoul: Come dine with me tonight, I've made a reservation at Le Petit Chef and as you can see, I already have my hat, so I'm all good to go Christine: Sorry Raoul, treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen, know what I'm saying? Raoul: Dayum! HE LEAVES Suddenly, the Phantom peers from behind the mirror again Phantom: Nando's? Christine smiles seductively LATER Christine and Erik are walking back after the date, Christine has his cloak over her as she felt cold Christine: You know, I think I fell in love with you tonight the moment you crushed that Pepsi® can on your mask's forehead Phantom: Yeah…err, it didn't hurt. Turns away Score Christine: I've totally forgotten that I was in love with Raoul just this morning Phantom: Loser He fake yawns and eases an arm around Christine Phantom: So, you feel like comin' back to my lair tonight? Christine: Sure, but you better not think you're in there LATER ON IN THE PHANTOM'S GRAND LAIR Erik is serenading Christine with his voice in a poor manner, she is however, swooning JUST THEN, RAOUL ENTERS Raoul: Free her! Phantom: This doesn't concern you bro' Raoul: I love her! Phantom: Shut up or you'll cause me to have a temper tantrum and bring the chandelier down, again, and I've just finished paying for the new one to be installed. Besides, I've checked her Facebook page and it informs me she's single! Also, I regret to inform you that just today she updated her emergency contact information with HR and it's me.
Raoul: What?! Well, you can piss off, the pair of you then, I've got loads of other offers! Wait! Why is there a Punjab Lasso around my neck?! Phantom: Shrugs I've got a bit of a thing for them Raoul: Well, unlucky for you, this time I did keep my hand at the level of my eye so I can remove the noose! Good day to you Sir! HE STOMPS OFF Phantom: Finally, that pillocks gone, we can be married! Christine: Uneasy It's not that I don't think you're a great guy and everything. Not to mention absolutely smokin' on the left side of your face… Phantom: Butts in
You can have my Pac-Man® machine Christine: Considers Agreed
Fin