3
My lover, Your lover
Aontakarn Rakthai
Aontakarn graduated with a communication arts degree from a top-tier university. She entered the entertainment industry after being scouted by a leading agency. But she didn't reach her goal with that agency, so she's fighting to achieve her dreams by auditioning and casting for jobs. She worked as a VJ and announcer before landing a solid job as a sports news announcer.
Aontakarn has appeared in a few commercials, but because she is not a well-known leading actress, the fee is only snack money. She lived with her mother, who just passed away three months ago with a heart condition.
Toh : Karn doesn't have the heart to do anything right now, so she doesn't want to be in the entertainment business anymore. She wants to start her
own business. She just put in her last effort after she got a letter from her fan club right before she agreed to be our partner.
Jeth : And Kam no longer wants to be our partner. She said she can't work with someone who dislikes her.
And everyone continues to send me 'angry' stickers without thinking how much that would hurt my feelings. But that's that. My pain is much less than that of Aontakarn, who misunderstands me for hating her right now. Argh. What should I do?
I can't sleep...
When I think of that, I sit up in the middle of the night. It's past 3 a.m. I open my drawer, pull out my letter paper with an apple scent, and stare at it.
I should apologize to her... though I don't know if she will forgive me. Let's say I need to rejuvenate my
dying heart before I call to apologize to her. Ah... what should I write?
Dear you... who is loved
Please don't be surprised to get a letter from me again. I want you to know that I am always following your work and hoping to encourage you through whatever challenges you may face.
If you feel too small for this world or too useless to everyone, please know that... at least, you're valuable to a fan like me.
Idolizing someone makes me that happy.
You're my happiness... Imagine how, sad your fans would feel if you were sad.
See... You're valuable. and you're an encouragement to so many people. You're my inspiration.
Love you, From... Apple P.S. I'm looking forward to your future work.
In the end, I couldn't sleep all night...
And as usual, I secretly drop the letter off at the reception, wearing a cap and mask so people don't recognize me. To the receptionist, I emphasize,
"Please give this to the news announcer, Aontakarn."
I get a slight smile from the receptionist, which makes me so embarrassed that my face turns red. So I quickly run away, as if I'm running from a ticking bomb.
Could she remember my face?
Aside from my mission to encourage Aontakarn, I also have to think of what I should say to apologize to her today. I am under so much pressure from my teammates that I am compelled to crawl on my knees to Otchao, lick her toe, and beg her forgiveness.
Come to think of it... licking her toe is kind of sexy. It's not that bad. Ho Ho Ho.
What... crazy!
Eventually, Aontakarn, or 'Karn', shows up according to the appointment I asked Tho to set up for me. I waited for her near her office. There's a cute, small, vintage-style cafe nearby. The cafe is playing a Japanese song that I can't understand softly.
Ding.
Every time the bell on the door rings to announce the arrival of a customer, I get excited because I think it's Aontakarn. My heart raced over twenty times, until the twenty-first time, when my heart no longer races, the petite, sweet-faced person finally shows up. She's wearing a mustard-colored jacket. She walks over to sit opposite me.
"Sony for the inconvenience."
She sounds a bit standoffish. The sweet-faced woman shows up with beautiful, wavy hair that is tucked behind her ears. It makes her look both sassy and sweet at the same time.
What good deeds did she do... Why does she have this godly beauty? So cute.
Awww.
"Ah-huh." I press my lips together a bit before I try to start a conversation. "I'm sorry for arranging this meeting, so you can't head straight home after work."
"Ah-huh."
Her short response makes my face tighten up. I start to understand why she's moody and thinks that I dislike her so much. I'm so annoying.
Whip me. I was wrong... master.
Crazy... Why am I babbling? I should get to the point.
"Ah... I heard from my brother and his friends that you no longer want to work with us because you think that I dislike your... face." Did I say that right? "I want to clear up this misunderstanding..."
"There's no need for that."
"…"
"I apologize for not being a professional. I used my emotions and sensitivities to make work-related decisions, which inconvenienced others. Actually, even if you don't like my face, it's nothing I need to care about."
Ah...
Why is she so cold? The tension is obviously growing all around us. I can't breath. But I understand why the sweet-faced woman feels the way she does.
Though she's cold... she's still so cute.
"Let's say that I will still be your business partner. I just told the rest of the team that... I'll inform you of that too. From now on, we can just talk about work. There's no need to chit-chat. Let's talk only on a per-need basis."
"Ah..." I try to get a word in because I don't want the mood between us to be this cold. I intend to make friends with her today. But it's hard for me to say something.
"You don't have to feel uneasy, Chris. I won't do anything to make you moody. You do your job, and I'll do mine."
"Actually..."
I'm trying to find an opening to get a word in that we can talk outside of work, but Kam is talking nonstop.
"But if I go this far and you're still unhappy, then it's your business."
From all that Aontakarn has said, it is clear that she's been feeling very uncomfortable. She lashes out
like a broken dam. That makes me speechless. I can only say...
"Okay."
As soon as I say that, the person in front of me sighs, as if she's had it. She continues to speak with a flat voice to end the conversation.
"Then, let's split up."
Aontakarn gets up to leave, but I call out to her.
"Can I ask why you changed your mind... Ah, we thought it would take a lot to persuade you to stay." I roll my eyes, not knowing why I do that. "My brother and his friends said that I have to do whatever it takes for you to come back, even if I have to lick your toe. That sounds... extreme. Yet, you return easily even before I start to beg you."
"I only care about those that care about me."
"Ah... my brother and his friends?"
A slight smile spreads across Aontakam's face. Yet it fades quickly.
"None of your business."
And our conversation ends there. I don't have the will to say anything else because my heart is broken...
"You are wild as soon as you can see. What's with inviting your friends out for some drinks but placing your head on the table the entire time?"
I'm out of strength. It's as if all my life's energy has been sucked out of me when the person, I have a crush on says to my face... 'none of your business.'
Getting shot would hurt less. Sob...
"I'm heartbroken."
I lift my head and sweep my eyes at my friends before I drink some beer. Our meeting place is Meen's room. Because it is in the heart of town, it is convenient for the rest of us, who leave in all directions, to gather here because it is not far away for everyone. Normally, I don't drink because I know that I turn into a different person when I do. I turn into a very scary person. It's as if I have a dark side hidden within me, waiting to be revealed.
I once said, "My name is Rung... I'm Masutha's split personality5."
"Yeah. You're really acting like someone who's heartbroken." Meen reaches her hand out to wrap around my neck and pat my shoulder. "You're heartbroken as soon as you can see? Which guy did you have a crush on?"
"There's no guy." I say this frustratedly, pour the beer into my mug, and bottom up in agony. My friends look at each other and urge each other on. I know what they are thinking. "Don't try to trick me into saying anything because I won't."
"Your split personality will spill the beans."
"I didn't bring her with me today. I just want to drink and black out. Argh."
5. Refers to characters from a famous Thai series.
And everything goes by in a flash. I wake unto find myself in Meen's room with all my friends. They are looking at something on my friend's desk.
But... wasn't I drinking with my friends just a moment ago? I blacked out?
"What are you guys looking at?"
When I make a noise, my friends turn to look at me and smile from the corner of their mouths. They point to the laptop monitor for me to see.
"We're looking at this woman, Aontakarn."
"Huh! ..." My heart drops to my feet. Yes, my friends all nod and smile teasingly. "My split personality told you everything?"
"Ah-huhhhhhhh."
My throbbing headache does not put me to shame as much as getting caught redhanded.
"Everything... Your split personality told us that you were an idiot. You admire and adore her, but you don't dare to express what's in your heart. The latest event is, she said to your face, 'none of your business.' And that's why you invited us here to drink some beer."
Okay. My split personality does her job to perfection. I don't have to say anything to the audience. Damned...
"By the way, you dreamed about her as well? It's really amazing." Ern puts her hand on her chest. "So fascinating."
"I told you all the details?"
"You've got it bad. No wonder... you suddenly asked us about fandom, an idol's schedule, supporting someone, etc. You are acting like the owner of the purple roses, who attempted to do good without being noticed." Nat talks about someone I have no knowledge of.
"Who's the owner of the purple roses?"
"You haven't heard of it? The glass mask? 6 In it, the lead wants to be an actress and auditions for the red witch role. Where have you been?"
6 A very famous manga turned into series.
"What glass mask? I only watch Sailor Moon." Ern says this as she scratches her head. Yes, we are all scratching our heads, aside from Nat.
"The owner of the purple roses is the male lead. He acts indifferently in front of the female lead. He acts as if he hates her face. But behind her back, he always sends her purple roses as an avid fan to support her. It's exactly the same as Chris, who writes Aontakarn encouraging letters with an apple scent."
"Ah, true." Meen nods in agreement. I shrink my neck embarrassingly and start to think about taking care of my split personality seriously. I really have to stop drinking. My split personality is very scary.
"But the owner of purple roses likes the female lead. What about you... You're acting like a secret admirer and are in distress when she says harsh words to you. Do you like her?"
"Crazy! I'm a woman... Why don't you imagine Jongin calling you stupid?"
"I would cry so hard because I didn't think he could speak Thai." Ern appears surprised, but in a dreamy state rather than hurt. as I intended for her to be.
"I think you should tell her frankly that you're not good at expressing your feelings. You don't hate her. That is the simplest solution to this problem."
"I want to, but when I'm with her, I'm not at all myself. I wish I could express my admiration for her, but all I could muster was an "ah-huh." I don't dare smile too much because I'm afraid that she will think that I'm crazy. What's wrong with me?"
I ask for my friends' opinion, and everyone gives me the same answer.
"You're crazy."
Ah... that's what I thought.
"But that's okay. Let her hate me." I say that timidly. "At least she didn't pull out of our project."
"At this moment, I have an impression that... you're acting like someone who has a secret crush on someone without wanting anything in return. Oh? Or do you like her romantically? Chris! You like a woman." Ern grabs my shoulders and looks into my eyes, with Meen and Nat as her backup. All are very invested in my matter.
"Yeah. Your condition is too grave to be anything else. Since when did you realize that you like women? Speak now!"
"Idiot. I like men. I just admire her... It's admiration."
"Hey. We're all forward-thinkers. You can like women." Meen pressures me.
"I'm not talking to you guys anymore!" I lie back down and turn my back to my friends. Though I pretend to be sleeping, I can hear my friends continue to talk about Aontakarn.
"I think Chris likes her for sure."
"But she probably doesn't like Chris back. She's too beautiful. She must have a lot of choices."
"Geez. Are you forgetting something? Do you remember how popular Chris was during high school?
She just wasn't interested in anyone. And when she picked one, Toy cheated on her."
They are gossiping right behind my back. Yet, I tolerated it. Until it got to the key phrase,
"Do you think Chris will know how to do it if she likes a woman?"
"You idiots!"
Aontakarn and I work together as usual. We don't talk to each other much. Aside from work, we also don't mingle much. I think... Karn doesn't want to talk to me anymore.
Sad...
People start to recognize our website because Puth promotes it on Facebook and Pantip7 via placement ads regularly. Additionally, our content includes a well-known announcer. Therefore, we're growing rapidly. Small shops start to send in products for us to help promote and review. Some give us the product for free, while others give us some money. Though it's not much, it gives us encouragement that what we're doing will not go to waste.
7 A very popular website where people go in to read all kinds of content.
And eventually... we get our first big sponsor, who wants to buy a banner on our website for 7 months at the price of...
"600,000 Baht. OMG."
Puth, who successfully closed the deal, shouts and screams, as if he's been burned by hot water. We all clap happily. We are finally making a substantial income.
"We have to give credit to our announcer and editor... The clips are interesting, so the sponsor came in. Congratulation to you both."
Jeth claps to compliment Aontakarn and me. Yet the sweet-faced woman shows no sign of joy like others. She just interrupts out of nowhere.
"Why did they contact us?"
"They wanted to sell something. Why?"
"Well... I have something to say." The petite woman seems uneasy, so Puth asks worriedly.
"You can tell us anything. Are you uncomfortable with something?"
"I'm concerned that the person who made the deal may be... my ex."
"Huh?/Huh?/Huh?"
Everyone seems surprised. There's only me, who listens quietly without showing any emotion. My feet are digging into the ground as I listen on in frustration.
Her ex?
"Well... the marketing for this project is my ex. So I'm afraid that there's a hidden agenda."
Everyone looks at each other and starts to worry. It's 600,000 Baht, and it's our first big sponsor...
"So they didn't contact us because our website is really good..." I say this because I can sense the petite one's uneasiness. I have to help her. "Buying an ad to reconcile with a woman. Wow... what a great use of the company's money."
This time, everyone's eyes are on me, while Aontakarn just glanced at me a bit and walked out of the room in frustration. That makes everyone bare their teeth at me.
"Cool it, Chris. You're looking down on us. And how do you think Karn would feel hearing that?"
Oh? Jesus. I wanted to help her, but it turns out that what I did was wrong? I'm starting to worry about the petite one that walked out, so I cut the conversation short and went after her. Yet before I can say anything to her, I hear Aontakarn talking on the phone with someone.
"What are you doing? You buying an ad is not coincidental, is it?" The petite one walks around uneasily as she speaks sternly. "Don't help. I don't want your help. Do you realize that there's a team member who doesn't like me? You doing this makes me look worse in her eyes."
That's me... No, I don't dislike you. Sob.
"Please... don't do anything to put me in a tight spot. Let's end everything once and for all."
I quickly hide myself and wait for the petite woman to walk away before I realize that I need to do something.
That is, stealing the phone number of the sponsor Puth dealt with from his phone when he goes to the restroom, dashing back to my own room, and calling that number. To be honest, I don't know what to say. I just know that I have to do something. Yet... what's more surprising is that,
When I call that sponsor, the name shows...
"Toy?"
I look like I just saw a ghost when the phone shows my ex-lover's name. And because I can't hang up in time, the person at the other end of the line picks up my call.
[Chris? Hey... what a surprise!]
Wow... WHAT a surprise.
Her ex-lover is my ex-lover...