Chapter 4

Zoe was glad that they didn't have to decorate Serenity in the same way they did on their last trip to Miranda. The Immortals (would she ever get used to that revelation?) had planned ahead, supplying artificial skeletons and other macabre decorations for Serenity. At least she could console herself that they didn't need to use the bodies of their friends.

After they had launched, Father Liam Riley had begun helping Kaylee with the engines. He was a decent mechanic, although he claimed not be in Kaylee's league. Kaylee agreed, which made him smile. Rather than use a jerry-rigged method to detune the engines, Liam had set up a way to bleed off the radiation and vent it out with the exhaust. The advantage was they could disengage whenever they needed more speed, which (Zoe privately admitted) was rather likely.

Annie Devlin had somehow managed to acquire a large amount of ammunition, which meant they were fully supplied. It seemed wrong to Zoe to be willing to shoot the person they were trying to rescue, but she supposed it was one more odd thing she'd have to tolerate on this trip. Most of the crew seemed a bit ill-at-ease with the idea that these people could actually live forever. Most, that is, except for River and Jayne. Jayne had been "in his bunk" with Michelle, but River was another story, as usual.

Zoe walked out on to the catwalks in the cargo bay to the sound of clanging swords. River was sparring with Duncan MacLeod. He was using a katana, and she was using a short sword. Zoe was amazed at their speed. The blows were fast but not furious — they were totally controlled.

"Hardly seems fair," said Duncan—not even out of breath!—to River. "You know what attacks I'm using before I do them."

"Not true," said River. "Your fighting technique is so much a part of you that you don't think about it. I'm just following your rhythm."

"Duncan MacLeod, beaten by a girl?" said Ben Adams, who was sitting on some boxes watching them in, drinking a beer.

"You should talk," said Annie. Ben looked annoyed.

River broke out of the combat. "Who's Cassandra?" she said. Then her eyes widened with a look of horror.

"STAY OUT OF MY HEAD!" shouted Ben, and stalked off the deck.

River started to say, "He was…."

"We know," said Duncan. "We all know. We all have things in our pasts, River. You don't want to pry too closely, especially with him."

"Methos," said River. "Thanatos. Death."

"No," said Duncan. "Never use the name. He gave it up a long, long, time ago."

"Death on a pale horse," River exclaimed, then left the room, leaving an awkward silence behind her.

Annie finally spoke. "It's still him. Whatever the name, he is who he is."

Duncan pointed his sword at her. "It's who he was, not who he is," he said.

"Why do you defend him?" she said. "Why do ye e'en tolerate him?"

"He's made the most of his second chance," said Duncan. "He doesn't deserve to be damned for a life he left behind."

"We are all damned," said Annie. "Damned in life, and damned in death."

Zoe nodded. She had felt much the same way at times since Wash's death.

Mal stalked into the room in much the same way as Ben had left it.

"Who's been bothering my pilot?" he demanded.

Zoe called down from the catwalk. "She stumbled over something from their past, sir," she said. "It unnerved her."

"What did she see?" demanded Mal. "This mission is dicey enough with her going off on whatever..."

"Do you like slavers, Captain Reynolds?"

Ben Adams had come back in on the catwalk near Zoe. She hadn't seen or heard him approaching, which was unusual for her.

"Not as a rule, no," said Mal.

"I don't like them much, either," said Ben. "I didn't like them all that much when I was one, a long time ago. My compatriots and I rampaged across Earth-That-Was, taking whatever we wished. One day we destroyed a village, and I took their healer as a slave. Her name was Cassandra, and she was one of us. I lied to her. I killed her over and over and over again to break her. I..."

He looked down, then over at Zoe. "I am not that man anymore, but I would not fight back against her, because I deserve whatever death she would mete out. I told Duncan that she was one of a thousand regrets. In fact, she might very well be the first regret I ever had."

"Where is she?" asked Zoe.

Ben shook his head. "She never made if off of Earth with the ships. I don't know if she's dead or alive. I don't believe I care. I haven't felt guilt since the 11th century, and I'm not about to start."

Zoe held his gaze, demanding answers without speaking.

"That's what your reader saw in me. For her sake, I'm going to stop thinking in English, since she cannot control what she sees in us."

"What you did to Cassandra," said Zoe, "is a lot like what the Alliance did to River."

"Apparently neither of us were very successful," said Ben. "Which is why the captain is right — people need to be free. It just works better."

"So, you're like the Captain?" said Zoe, disbelievingly.

"No," said Ben. "He is like Duncan, building families and trying to do the right thing. And he is like Amanda, with schemes that never work out correctly but somehow work out right. And he is a bit like me, when he wants to stay out of sight and just... continue."

He looked down at Mal. "Captain Reynolds, there will be no further trouble between your pilot and I, though I suspect we won't have much to do with each other."

"See to it," said Mal. Ben Adams unnerved him more than most. Mal didn't like too much introspection, and Ben seemed to encourage it. "I don't want any more problems before we get to Miranda," he said.

Ben nodded, and left the catwalk.